Tag: self-improvement

NOT ORDINARY, A SECRET! 🙊

This is one of the great secrets to living an amazing life. With such focus on ‘finding happiness’, many people forget to look in one of the most obvious places. That hiding place is their own life. You might be thinking that cannot be true of your own life. You would be wrong. Even if your life is full of challenges right now, which would include 90% of us, you still can find a great deal of happiness you are missing. It can be found in things that we think are ordinary. The words that follow may sound cliche, but I urge you to stop and ponder them.

When you think of all of the things getting in your way of being happy, does it frustrate you? Do you have a strong desire just to live a more fulfilling and happy life? I think we all do. What if I were to tell you that one of the major obstacles to lasting happiness in your life is…well…you! More specifically, your mind and its tendency to be a little lazy. We are exposed to so many different bits of information that our mind (more to the point, our reticular activating system) has to filter out what is important and what is not. This can be very helpful when looking for possible danger and challenges. It can be a detriment when trying to fill our hearts with happiness.

Right now, we could be focused on a million different things. How the air feels on our skin. How different articles of clothing feel resting on our skin. How the light is casting shadows in the room. How deep we are breathing. Most of these we just take for granted. If we tried to notice everything we would go insane in a relatively short period of time. Normally, our brains are on the lookout for things that need improvement at the moment. We are just wired that way. What if, you began to balance that by adding a question you periodically ask yourself. One question that could change your life entirely. One question that could help balance the scales and begin to bring more joy and inner peace into your life.

This magical question is simply, “What can I enjoy in this situation?” There are many versions of this. You could also ask, “What is beautiful in my life right now?” Look at the cat in the picture above. It appears to be enjoying the wind, sun or maybe even the smell of tuna in the air. It has stopped to smell the roses, or again, maybe the tuna. We can walk past so many ‘rose bushes’ in our life and never stop to appreciate them. I endeavor to do this on my way to work every morning. I look to notice businesses I may have missed. I notice the plants planted along the streets. I think about the wonderful night I had with my lady, or look forward to what we are going to do after I get off of work. Not only does this change my focus, but it starts my mind in a positive state on the way to work.

One great thing about doing this is that it becomes second nature after a while. When you get into the habit of asking yourself what is beautiful or joyous in your life often enough, your brain will start to do it on its own. How long this takes will depend on your own situation. It may help to start by designating a time to ask yourself this every day. Just like my morning commute. Yours could be asking what went beautiful in your day before you fall asleep. This will not only help you get better rest, but will set your day ahead up for success. Even if you had challenges that day, those are beautiful. They can often help you appreciate the challenge-free life you might take for granted.

NEW AGAINST OLD, YOU AGAINST YOU 🥊

This is one of those reminders that we do not like to get. I recall, in my own life, how this hit home. Looking back, there were a lot of character issues I had. One day while reading a book about Theodore Roosevelt, it occurred to me that I really needed to work on me. For years I had been blaming my behavior on a host of different factors. None of which were the real cause. The real cause was me and the choices I was making at the time. It was the actions I was taking and those I did not take that I should have.

It was at that moment I realized I had to take ownership of my own life. This was at once both scary and liberating. Scary because I had to admit all my past behavior was my fault. Scary because I knew it was up to me to fix all of it. It was at the same time very liberating. When I stopped trying to blame other people and circumstances for my situation, it meant I also had the power to fix it. Different decisions could be made. Different actions taken, or not taken as the case may be.

Some of you might be in the same situation. Your life is not all that you know it could be. It is far too easy to blame our upbringing, our grumpy boss, our controlling spouse or our seeming lack of opportunity. If you trace all of those circumstances back far enough, you will see that they have the same common denominator – you. Taking responsibility for your own life can be scary. As stated above, it can also be very liberating. It is up to you to change your habits, routines and decisions. Rest assured this will be a struggle. It will be tempting to fall back into old habits. The old version of you will not want you to change. It will take work and it will be a never-ending battle. By fighting that battle, you gain the ultimate freedom. That is control of your own life.

FALL IN LOVE WITH THE BOTTOM OF THE ICEBERG 🧊

When we see a massive iceberg, roughly 90% of it is underwater. That means, doing simple math, what we see is only 10% of the entire thing. Same with success. The victory, the accomplishments and the achieving of goals is only 10% of the process. As the photo above shows, 90% of the process involves things like hard work, sleepless nights and persistence. If this is where most of our time and energy end up, it is important we need to fall in love with this aspect. Why settle for being happy a mere 10% of the time? You deserve more from you life.

Falling in love with the process sounds rather cute and cliche, but what is the true meaning behind it? More to the point, how can we start to do that? As an author, I can tell you that the time I get to celebrate publishing a book is a mere fraction of the time it takes to write it. If I were to only be happy when a book was completed, it would be a pretty miserable existence. One way I found that keeps me loving the process is celebrating small wins along the way. Whether that is finishing a chapter, designing a cover, or simply opening my computer to write, there is lots to celebrate. On days when the process is the most difficult, that is when it is important to celebrate the most. Maybe you can congratulate your self for just showing up. Take getting in shape. They say the heaviest weight in the gym is the front door. That means the most difficult part of working out is getting your butt to the gym. Anyone starting this journey certainly could agree.

Another way to love the process is to develop and maintain a growth mindset. That is to say seeing challenges and obstacles as a way to learn, grow and reach closer to your goal. This can be made a lot easier by being mindful and present. When you are fully in the moment and not upset that you are not where you want to be just yet, it allows you to focus and control your energy better. It is also wise to take a brief mental trip into the future and do your best to feel like you will once your goal is accomplished. Experiencing that, if only briefly, may give you the motivation to push on.

How do you fall in love with the process? What keys to success would you offer our viewers? Share in the comments below.

BE YOU! 😃

What a powerful message from Bob Marley, who would have celebrated his 80th birthday only a few days ago. In today’s age of being ‘internet famous’, so many people are trying their best to be the next big thing. What you run the risk of is losing yourself. Staying true to ourselves despite the world, and often others, pushing us to be something they think is better is one of the greatest challenges.

When we are not true to ourselves it can cause us all kinds of stress. Maybe you did something that went against one of your values or beliefs in order to look good in someone else’s eyes, even if nobody else were to find out, the guilt that would put on your conscious would be enough to keep you up at night. You might end up experiencing indigestion. Keeping doing that, or feel the guilt long enough, and you will end up with an ulcer and maybe worse.

Plus, keeping up an image of someone you are not takes a lot of work. You can never just relax and be yourself. After a while, you may not even remember who you really are. Talk about stress and confusion. This is not to say that if people do not like a certain aspect of you that you might investigate whether a little self-improvement is needed. Saying, “That is just who I am.” can be a very immature and unenlightened way of making excuses for not putting in the work on ourselves. Just make sure the person hating on you doesn’t have a good point. If they do, maybe even a little show of gratitude while you work on becoming an even more amazing person?

What happens when you are working very hard on being the best version of yourself that you can be and there are still those who do not like you or speak ill of you? Remember the picture above. You can be the best cup of tea, or the best version of yourself, and that person just might be a coffee drinker. Do you know what? That is alright. It is not our mission to be liked by everyone on the planet. There are over 8 billion people. Tell me one thing that every one of them likes. There is nothing. That includes you. As long as we are working on being the best that we can be, others opinions are none of our business.

BE THE LIGHT 💡

In honor of Martin Luther King Jr, I wanted to reflect on one of my favorite quotes of his. The only way to combat those of a negative nature is with love and positivity. It may be a news flash to some, but you cannot ‘out hate’ a person. Everyone ends up losing. The negative physical effects of hate will end up costing you in the long run. The increase in stress hormones will raise blood pressure, cause headaches, upset stomach and a host of other not so wonderful maladies. What is the payoff of hate? There really is none. It will cost you sleep. It will weaken your immune system and drain your energy.

On the flip side, love has a host of wonderful benefits for you. If you can fill your life with love, you will experience faster healing from wounds, better sleep, lower blood pressure and better pain relief. Not to mention your view of the world will change. When we fill our hearts and minds with hate, the world reflects those emotions to us. The world takes on a dark and foreboding feeling. We feel that everyone is out to get us. That bad luck seems to follow us around. When we are filled with love, we notice opportunities that we may have missed. Those around us feel it too. They share a smile with us. We seem to attract other love-filled souls.

Next time you are faced with hate of any kind, or even just a negative personality, remember the words in the quote above. You cannot drive darkness out with more darkness, and you can’t drive hate out with more hate. Fill yourself with love. It will change your life and it just might save your life.

DON’T FORGET YOUR DREAMS! 😳

Today is Saturday. Most of us are enjoying the start of the weekend. A few of us, like myself, are working. It is good to be a hard-working individual. It shows character and self-discipline. Both very good traits. What we must be careful with is to balance that with our true passions and ambitions. No matter what that job is, one day we will retire. What then? The average person lives less than 20 years after retirement. Men, it is even less for you. Why do we suppose that is? One of the main reasons is a lack of purpose. You do not want to give all of your passion and energy to a company that will replace you a day after you are gone. Think about your legacy, and what lights the inner fire inside you. That is what the world needs more of.

Forgetting your dreams to chase the dollar can have terrible side effects. Increased stress, reduced sense of purpose and fulfillment. How exciting can a life of ‘wake up, pay bills and die’ be? Not very exciting. I’ll cover more ways to go from striving to thriving in my upcoming fourth book. Until then, I want to remind all of us to continue to make our dreams a priority. Even those of us who are finished with the work-a-day world can put our dreams on the back burner. We spend our time with busy work and running errands for others. Perhaps so used to putting our own desires last, that doing anything less has us feeling guilty.

Even someone like myself who works about 60 hours a week, still makes time to pursue their passions. In fact, the words you are reading now include that. The means are not just to justify an end, but to invest in my dream. Pursuing dreams helps us feel alive. It puts light behind our eyes and a spring in our step. How can you invest in your dreams today? Through time? Financial investment? Maybe it is just dusting them off and bringing them back to life. Do not let your salary kill your dreams!

WHO IS COMING TO SAVE YOU IN THE NEW YEAR? 🫣

By this time tomorrow we will be in a new year. The quicker we come to grasp the thought above, the better that year will be. The quicker we take full responsibility for our own life, the quicker we will be able to make the changes necessary to go from striving to thriving. If we are truly serious about improving our life and changing what isn’t working there are two things we must do first. We must be honest and clear about what isn’t working in our lives. If we say on occasion we don’t eat the best, when in reality our 4 food groups are ice cream, pizza, chips and beer, we will not stick with the change. Even if you have a map, you cannot get where you are going if you are not clear on where you are starting from.

That leads us to our second step. We have to become disgusted with where we are. If you want to get in shape in the new year, but the 30 extra pounds you are carrying around doesn’t bother you that much, let’s be honest, it is not likely you will stick with the change. We must demand better of ourselves. We must fully desire the best version of ourselves. We cannot do it for the money, for the opinion of others or for significance. No, we must be unwilling to accept our current state in life. Change your inner dialogue to one that drives and motivates you. Create a powerful ‘why’ that will carry you through on days you might not want to take action.

It is important to know that the only one with the power to save us in the New Year, is the person staring back at us in the mirror. If you put the power to do so in the hands of others, you are sure to be disappointed. Nobody should care more about your life than you. It is time to save ourselves in 2025!

TOO MUCH EFFORT 😳

The next 3 days we are going to look at things to get ready before the New Year. Today’s post is about changing our perspective on happiness. Many people spend their lives chasing happiness. It really is a fool’s errand. For one, happiness is usually a reaction to outside circumstances. Joy, on the other hand, is more of an emotional state. Put another way, happiness is a destination, and joy is a way of traveling. What we can do is focus on the setting up situations that create happiness for us. It would be even wiser to focus on what has us feeling joy in our hearts. Let us take a look at a few of these.

During these last 360+ days of posts you may have grown tired of me bringing up a certain topic, but here we go again. What of the greatest ways to not only feel happy, but create inner peace and joy as well, is to foster an attitude of gratitude. The reason gratitude gets so much attention is because it works. Being grateful turns what you have into enough. It helps us frame life in a more positive perspective. Realizing there are many things that are worth celebrating in life. It can conquer fear, anxiety and anger. It can help with depression. Finding a gratitude practice to start in your life would be one of the best things you can do for yourself in the New Year. You could start a gratitude journal. You could fill a photo album of things you are grateful for in your cell phone. That way gratitude is a push button away.

In addition to gratitude, another great way to increase joy in your life is to focus on how you can best serve others. When you increase the amount of joy and smiles in someone else’s life, you cannot help but feel better yourself. The best service usually involves something you are naturally good at or enjoy. If you are a good listener, find a way to help people really be heard. If you are a good baker, fill people’s hearts with joy by filling their stomachs with treats. Help an elderly neighbor with the grass or shoveling snow. Whatever you do, use it to help others and your world will end up a brighter place.

In the coming year, do not waste time chasing joy. Instead, focus on filling your heart and journey with genuine joy. Be grateful. Find ways to serve others. Remember, the more people you bring joy to, the more happy people you will be surrounded with and the more they will want to do the same for you. That way, you will not have to chase happiness, it will naturally come to you.

DO YOUR DUTY 🫡

As the holidays get into full swing, our calendar becomes full. We are running around shopping for others. Perhaps we are at home cooking for others. There are still the usual commitments on top of that. What gets lost in the shuffle is time for ourselves. This doesn’t only happen during the holidays either. Life moves at such a rapid pace we can wear ourselves out trying to keep up. One job that we cannot slack on is loving ourselves. It is of the utmost importance.

Loving yourself does not involve arrogance. What it does involve is self-care. We need to take care of our health so we can show up for life and for those we care about as the best version of ourselves. It involves making ourselves a priority. Knowing that we may not be able to attend every holiday party we are invited to. We may not have the finances to buy gifts for everyone we would want to. That’s ok. By taking care of ourselves, we allow others to do the same. By loving ourselves, we demonstrate that we feel we deserve that love. We also learn what makes us feel loved. This is important when others wish to make us feel loved. In fact, if we do not love ourselves, we can make it impossible to feel that we deserve love from others.

Loving ourselves allows us to really appreciate and fully receive the love that others share with us. When your spouse tells you that you look attractive, but you are used to putting yourself down, it can be hard to believe much less appreciate. When you know that you have beautiful qualities, that compliment from your loved one is much easier to believe. When you can fully receive a compliment, it not only makes you feel better, but the one giving you the compliment as well. Think of it. If you tell someone they look nice and they always respond, “No I do not!” How likely are you to continue to compliment them? If they respond, “Thank you so much for saying so. That really means a lot.” How much better would you feel knowing that they appreciated your compliment.

It is your duty to love yourself. This does not mean you have to be perfect. It means that you are doing the best you can and showing up for others the best you can. You might have things about yourself that you don’t like, that is fine. Those things might be what someone else loves. You are an amazing soul and realizing that will not only benefit you but everyone else that you share life with. Don’t they deserve that? Don’t you?

MY PLAN FOR TODAY ☕️

I hope this quote gave you a little chuckle like it did for me. I think it is helpful to have something that is not only a little silly, but encouraging as well. A quote like this can start your day with a smile and a little boost. As for me, I am certain to accomplish the first part of the quote and as long as Margie thinks the second part is true, I will be good.

Life is full of challenging times and challenging people. Having a quote like this to help get us through could be worth its weight in gold. It would also be a great response to the question, “How are you?” or “How is it going?” Having an empowering answer to this question can have a great impact on your life. Why? Think about how many times a day someone asks you how you are. At the very least, it is something you will answer at least once a day. Having an answer that is positive and uplifting means that you will be saying that very thing at least once a day. It is like repeating an affirmation. Conversely, I have heard all manner of sarcastic and negative answers to this question. Why you would want to speak negative over your life is beyond me.

Find your empowering and silly quote now. You can use this one until yours appears. Think of a positive response you can reply with when someone greets you. If you can make them smile as well that is an added bonus. Think if you ask someone how they are doing and they smile and look at you and say, “Living the dream with amazing people like yourself!” That may very well brighten your day. The more you repeat positive statements, the more they seep into your subconscious mind. Doing this long enough, it becomes your reality. I would love to hear some of your ideas of positive and silly quotes below.