Tag: self-improvement

YOU TOO CAN BE A DIAMOND ðŸ’Ž

It is an interesting fact is that we all are made up of the same elements. 65% of which is oxygen, followed shortly behind with carbon at 18.5%. This alone should deter some of the racists and bigots, but I will leave that for a different day. What I want to talk about is the carbon. roughly 20% of all of us are made up of carbon which is pretty much what charcoal is made of. Before you start feeling like a worthless piece of coal, let’s look at what happens when that coal is put under heat and pressure. It transforms into a diamond!

Next time you feel like the heat is on in your life, or you feel the pressure starting to get to you, think of this piece of coal. Say to yourself, or out loud if you are daring, “Looks like my carbon is being turned into a diamond!” The longer we go through life, the more pressure and heat we will go through. If done right, we can transform into a diamond. If we are treated poorly, it can strengthen our resolve to treat others with compassion and kindness. When we are ignored, it can remind us to include others.

There is a cliche that the challenges of life should make us better and not bitter. The point of that is that we have a choice. Let us decide better. Let us decide to become a diamond. Remember to say to yourself, “This challenge is turning my carbon into a diamond.”

THE MEASURE OF A MAN (OR WOMAN)

I believe if Plato were alive today, he would have included both genders in this quote. I also believe his name would not have been Plato, but we shall move on. One of the reasons that he used the masculine in this quote is that women did not have as much power as they do now. Although, it is my humble opinion we could benefit with more women in powerful positions. I am sure most of you reading this would agree.

One of the things that I would advocate is using this quote for some self-reflection. How do you use your power? You might be thinking to yourself, “Neil, I do not really have any power.” This could not be further from the truth. Each one of us has a great deal of power that we let atrophy to a great deal. If we are parents, we have a great ability to inspire and lead our children by example. If we are in a relationship, we have the power to help nurture and grow with our partner. We have the power to make them feel valued and appreciated, or worthless and taken for granted. We actually have this power over almost everyone we meet. When your retail experience is taking longer than expected, do you berate and belittle the person behind the counter or do you thank them for their efforts despite the frustrating circumstances? Even if the service is poor, which does seem to be happening with a greater frequency, we never know the story behind what is going on. Perhaps they are dealing with a mental health issue. Maybe they were never properly taught how to deal with others?

When you smile at a stranger you are using your power. The same is true if you glare at them. When you support your hard-working spouse, that is using your power. When you work hard for your family, that is using your power. When you complain, sit around not doing much, that is also using your power. One is for the greater good, the other – not so much. If you have a skill, whether that is baking, inspiring others or even being a good listener, what do you do with that skill? That is how you are using your power!

Spend a few minutes today thinking about the powers you have. That could be the power to inspire. The power to help. The power to encourage. The power to positively influence. What ways can you start to use more of these powers? Are there ways you are failing to use your power? Worse, are there ways in which, unknowingly, you are negatively using your power? If we are honest, I think there are ways in which we can all use our power a little more and a little better. I would love to hear what you think.

YOUR TRUE COMPETITION

In our journey to become the best version of ourselves we encounter what we consider a lot of competition. Today’s post comes with a little mix of good and bad news. First the bad, because we love to finish on a positive note. None of what we perceive as our competition matters as much as we believe it does. Most people are too involved in their own lives to worry much about ours. Those who are not are really not competition. Anyone who is more concerned about what is going on with the lives of others rather than their own is not going very far in life. As the picture above reminds us, what stands in our way is often what lays inside of us. If you want to become an improved version of yourself as rapidly as possible, work on what is inside you. The secret to an amazing life is that it starts with becoming an amazing version of yourself.

That is the ‘bad’ news. In reality, it is also the good news too. If our greatest challenges to becoming the best we can be are the characteristics that lay inside us, than they are completely under our control to change. We can improve our bad habits, we can eliminate our distractions. When we hear people say things like “I would get more done but I always end up binge watching Netflix.” Ask ourselves, is the problem Netflix, or the individuals inability to stay focused and limit their television time?

Sticking with this example, people would spend more time trying to change Netflix instead addressing their own inability to save television viewing until they have completed the tasks they need to. It is not Netflix fault you sit down and watch 3 hours of programing in a row. Oh, they do things that make that very easy. That is definitely true. We still have the power to discipline ourselves not to pick up the remote until our days work is done. If we work really hard, we can develop the strength to pick it up and push ‘off’ after one episode.

If you want to beat your most intense competition, do not look in the cubicle or house next to you. Your greatest competition looks back at you in the mirror every day!

IT STILL MATTERS

Today is Monday. That can be a little tough for many of us. By the end of the day all we can think about is keeping our heads above water. It can be hard to think of any personal goals and hobbies we wish to pursue. He is a little secret. Even a little progress is huge. This is true especially on the hard days. That can be writing a few words on the book you are working on. It can be going for a little walk while trying to get in shape.

It may feel like if we can only do a little, is it worth it to do anything at all? The answer is absolutely. We can’t always workout for an hour or run a marathon. We can go for a walk after dinner. This isn’t only a physical fitness analogy. Want to increase the love between you and your spouse? How about a well thought out appreciation given to the one you love? It may seem like a little action, but trust me, it matters.

There are two important things to remember about taking little actions. First, you will be proud of yourself that you did something verses nothing. Sure, it may not be the big step you would have liked to take, but it is better than not taking any step at all. The second thing to remember is that little steps add up to big results. You may not repair all of the hurt in a relationship overnight, but taking a few seconds to convey genuine appreciation is that little progress that can start to move the needle. Take steps like this every day and your relationship will grow by leaps and bounds.

Next time you are tempted to think that little progress does not matter, think of these examples. Understand that doing even a little can give you the pride and confidence to keep going. Also understand that a little progress done daily can, and will, add up to big results. If you can’t do a lot, do a little. It will be worth it in the long run.

IMPORTANCE OF CONFIDENCE

One of my guilty pleasures in old-school hip-hop music. The ones from the late 80’s and early 90’s. I enjoy the fact that you can actually understand what they are saying and the lyrical content is usually not too off the rails. In fact, one of the main subjects they include in their lyrics is how great they are. It reminds me of the boxer Muhammad Ali. He told the world he was the greatest before he even won anything. He was that confident.

Confidence is a tricky thing. It is often confused with arrogance. In reality, they have very little to do with each other. True confidence stems from a believe in yourself. This can be fostered from the knowledge of work you did to prepare, or past performance in overcoming a similar situation. It may be an inner knowing that you are going to persist no matter what challenges appear. Confidence is earned. It is never earned at the sacrifice of others. In fact, confidence doesn’t involve others. It is an inside job.

What tools and strategies do you use to boost your confidence? Have you ever thought about this? Having confidence allows us to keep going when others would quit. If we have built up enough of it, we could keep going long after we thought we would quit. It is another reason to stick with the promises that you make to yourself. Knowing that you keep your word to yourself is another way to give you confidence. I would love to hear what other ways you give yourself confidence.

3 WAYS HARD TIMES END

Nobody I know likes to go through hard times. Yes, it is true that they help us grow the most. Yes, it is true that we learn the most about ourselves and our character in those hard times. Still, this does not make them anymore fun to go through. We all wish they would end. Well, end they do. Above you will see the three ways it which they can. The first is the easiest. That is us giving up. There is no growth, no learning or nothing other than the pain of what we experienced. Often this course of action leaves us far worse off in the long run.

The second one is that it becomes easier. This is usually a result of perseverance. Managing to hold on despite the odds and circumstances not being in our favor. By staying in the fight, if I may use that analogy, we learn things or notice patterns that can make the challenge we are facing easier. By not giving up, we become used to the struggle and become more adaptive ourselves. This alone can make the situation feel easier.

Lastly, is the fact that we become stronger. This is a little different than just becoming more adaptable as stated above. This is putting the hard times to work for us. Once a hard time commences, we have the choice as to the attitude in which we approach it. The fact that we are going through hard times is seldom, if ever, under our control. The attitude in which we face these challenges, however, is completely under our control. Becoming stronger involves deciding we are going to use this hard time to develop some area of our character, practice a skill we are working on or maybe just learn something new. The difference is that we are actively deciding this from the onset.

Next time you are faced with a hard time, remember it will end. Most importantly, remember you have the choice as to how it will end. Going through hard times is never fun, but coming out the other side stronger makes them worthwhile.

ARE YOU STRONG ENOUGH?

Let us talk about what real strength is. Being strong is not being part of the group currently in power. Being strong is not being the loudest or having your opinion be accepted by the most people. No that is not being strong. That is actually rather easy. It is easy to repeat the talking points of the the group, be that political religious or any other nature. What takes strength is being able to speak truth, kindness and compassion.

If you really want to be strong, remain calm and kind when faced with opposition. When you see those you disagree with spreading lies, to be able to remain steadfast in your kindness and commitment to truth, that takes strength. When someone attacks you personally, can you have the strength to resist the urge to retaliate? Retaliation is not strength. It is weakness. It is giving into base emotions such as hurt and anger. It will not improve your life or the situation. Often, it makes the point of the opposition look valid.

Next time you are tempted to say something that speaks division and hatred, ask yourself, “Am I not strong enough to rise above this?” Be a person of value. Be someone who speaks of growth and becoming the best version of themselves and not what is wrong with your neighbor. Be the best example to all of those who are watching you. That is true strength.

MAKE LIFE MORE INCREDIBLE THAN YOU IMAGINED

I cannot say this enough, so apparently I will say it again today. If you are really searching for the secret to an amazing life, and if you are reading this site I can only assume you are, start with changing your focus to gratitude. Why do we focus on this one emotion so much here? Gratitude is so powerful that if you truly put it to use in your life, it will turn the life you have into the life you love. It will feel like magic. Why? Because life really is magical. We have just become blind to it. It is like walking over a diamond in the sidewalk on the way to work everyday. Actually, it is better than that. Having an attitude of gratitude is more valuable than a diamond.

Have you ever noticed how your thoughts affect your mood? Your mood, after all, is your life. If you are angry and pissed off, your world will be angry and pissed off. If you are someone who is always looking for the beauty in what is around them, you will be someone who always sees the world as beautiful, even in the darkest of times. If you want to live a life that is amazing, you must start to look for and focus on what is amazing. To help this, try speaking about what is amazing. Speak of your blessings. Les Brown once said, “Nobody wants to hear your problems. 80% don’t care and 20% are glad it is you.” That is not to say don’t reach out if you need help, just that you focus on your blessings.

In life we all have struggles. We also all have blessings. Look around you. There is so much beauty and joy to be discovered it is inconceivable. Look at the face of someone you love. Think of how much they love you despite all of your quirks and flaws. Think of the beauty and kindness of all the souls you cross paths with. Every person blesses the world in ways we may never understand. Begin by sharing one thing you are grateful for every day with others. See how much this transforms your life. Imagine how you make others feel when you enter a room with the phrase, “Do you know what I am so grateful for today?” It may encourage others to acknowledge all of the blessings in their life as well.

NEVER STOP! IT WILL OUTLIVE YOU

How easy is it to get sucked into the divisive and hate fueled ways of the world today? Sadly, far too easy. What we should focus on is our legacy. What will the world remember about us? Will we be part of a group that rallied against another, or will we be a person who shows others kindness, compassion and understanding? That is the choice we have to make. Not only daily, but often hourly in this crazy world. We may slip, but it is important to keep working our hardest to be a ray of light in a world that can often be far too dark.

We daily have a choices. Will we be a person who sows division or unity? Will will feed communal anger or strive for individual joy? Understand the former may get you accolades from those around you at the time. Choosing to go against the grain and be a light can not only prevent you from the cheers of those seeking to divide the world, but can leave you feeling ostracized and cast out. Relish the fact. Use that solitude to think of the legacy you will leave behind. If you have brightened the life of just one person, you have done more than all of those pushing the narrative of ‘us against them’. It may leave you lonely. It may leave you feeling left out. It may not always be easy, but it will always be right.

RIGHT WHERE I NEED TO BE!

I must confess to not being a fan of ‘fate’ or “It is what it is.” type thinking. Quite the contrary. I believe life is what you make of it. What happens then when we find ourselves in situations that are not only undesirable, but beyond our control? We have all been there. You are on your way to get a nice surprise for someone and another driver hits your car. You drive across town for a nice dinner only to find the restaurant closed. These things happen. What then?

My thinking is still the same. Life is what you make of it. When you find yourself in a situation that is undesirable, ask yourself, “What can I do while I am here?” I recall being one of the first people in the state to get Covid. That was scary. At the time they did not know a lot about it. I have some preexisting conditions such as asthma that could make it worse. Was I scared? Absolutely. Then I asked myself how I could use that situation to serve the greater good. Often, when we take the focus off of ourselves and put it on serving others, great things happen. I decided to make a series of videos to chronical my journey. My hope was that it would take the fear away for many people.

The same happened when I had open-heart surgery two years later. My beautiful love of my life saw that I was rather scared of the whole event and wisely suggested, “Why don’t you write about it?” She even bought me a journal to record my thoughts and events involved. It was the first book I ever wrote by hand before publishing. You can read that fine piece of literary work, The Beat Goes On, by yours truly – Neil Panosian, on Amazon. Again, it was taking the focus off of myself and my problems and looking how it could all serve others and the greater good.

Next time you find yourself somewhere you would rather not be, or with someone you would rather not be with, ask yourself, “How can I use this?” The answer could be to develop some aspect of your character that needs work. If you can find a way to use the situation to serve others, that will be a big win! Have you ever found yourself in a situation like this? How did you use it?