Tag: self-improvement

3 SIDES TO EVERY STORY

Have you ever heard that there are 3 sides to every story? Usually this consists of one side, the other side and the truth, which is somewhere in the middle. That is just one of the reasons you avoid gossip every chance you get. In the picture above you will see another reason to avoid gossip. It is the like game ‘telephone’ you used to play as a child. One person says something and it is passed down from person to person. In what seems like an alarmingly short time, the story does not resemble at all what it first started out as. Gossiping the same way. Taking part in it and you may unknowingly fall victim to information that is quite far from the truth.

Here is another point to mention. Gossip, even if there is a great deal of truth to it, makes the person saying it look bad. When you are sharing bad things about others, especially in a public forum, you look bad. Most people look at someone speaking ill of others and think that they look shallow and vindictive. Even if what you are saying is 100% true, which is seldom the case, what good is there is sharing someone else’s faults with others? It is unlikely to help change what you view to be their faults. It is certain that it will not help the person spreading the gossip. There is one other important thing to consider when you are spreading gossip.

Spreading gossip makes you look untrustworthy. Even if that is the very gossip you are spreading about someone else. Hearing someone say, “Don’t trust her, she can’t be trusted.” People will notice it is coming from someone speaking ill of a person who is not present. How trustworthy is that? Not to mention, the thought that eventually creeps in everyone’s mind who hears gossip is, “If they are saying that about them, what do they say about me when I am not around?” Considering the times that we get upset with others, including those we care about, it is a legitimate question.

If you really feel the urge to gossip, there is a way in which you should do so. If you feel you must discuss people instead of ideas, there is a way in which you can satisfy that urge and maybe even help yourself in the process. That is gossip positively about someone. When was the last time you heard any gossip that was positive? Have you noticed that when people discuss others in their absence it is almost always negative? How do you feel walking away from one of those conversations? It usually brings your energy down and as we discussed earlier, makes you think less of the person doing the gossiping. Now, how would you feel if you were witness to some positive gossip? Never heard of such a thing? Just imagine how you might feel then? One, the person doing the gossip would feel a lot better than had they just been trashing someone. Secondly, those listening would have a much more favorable opinion of the gossiper. Lastly, they would not worry about what you are saying about them when you are not around.

Try this today. Spread some positive gossip. It may even feel weird at first. Run with it anyway. It will force you to think of positive aspects of those you know. This will also help increase your feelings of gratitude. Trust me when I tell you there is never enough gratitude in our lives. Watch other’s reactions when you do this. Watch their faces light up and notice how it will even make them feel good. Word of warning. Sometimes others will be so unused to this that they may try to turn the gossip negative. Do not let that happen. It is not that they are willfully being malicious, it is just that they are also used to gossip being negative. Change the narrative. Be the light in a world of darkness. Next time you hear someone gossiping, let them know you are not interested and walk away.

WHY TIME GOES FASTER AS YOU AGE 😒

This is a phenomenon that young people may have a hard time grasping. How do I know that? When it was told to me when I was young, I recall thinking it was the stupidest thing. How can an hour be more than an hour? Now I am 50 and it feels like every time I sneeze it is next week! Something that Mr. Einstein called the ‘relativity of time’. An hour at the dentist seems a lot longer than an hour out with friends. How can that be? They are both 60 minutes long. Once I read a quote that summed this whole time thing up nicely. The quote was this – “How long 3 minutes is depends on what side of the bathroom door you are on.

Why does time seem to go faster as we age? The photo above gives us a great look into the answer. We tend to have less new experiences. We find things we like and tend to stick with them. Security becomes more important when we age. The ironic thing is that security can cause things to fail. Think of romantic relationships. Far too many marriages end up in divorce. Why is that? Why do two people who were so in love they spent thousands of dollars and invited many of their friends and family to commit to each other, then suddenly never want to see each other again? The reasons can be varied and complex, but one of the main ones is security. A relationship without change is one without growth. If a relationship seldom has anything new, it becomes boring. Then, when it becomes tough or a challenge arises, nobody wants to fight for what is boring.

This is not a post exclusively about marriage or even relationships in general. The relationship example we just mentioned works the same with our life. When our life becomes boring and predictable, what is the point of living it? There is a cliche that states, “Ships are safe in the harbor, but that is not what ships were built for.” People can be safe in their predictable life, but would it really be worth living? Try that new restaurant, take that new class and start that new hobby. Not only will it help you savor your life, but it keeps the mind sharp well into old-age. We only have one life. Let us make sure it is worth living.

WHY YOU MUST WALK THE TALK 👄

Several years ago, Margie and I discovered a musician we both really enjoyed. Not only was his music fun to listen to, but his lyrics were both meaningful and positive. They encouraged social change, acceptance of everyone and loving those you are with. Ideals Margie and I also do our best to live up to. As he released albums we purchased them and listened to them on repeat. We went to saw him in concert a few hours away and even had the chance to meet him.

Fast forward to today. That artist is now standing accused of grooming a young musician he was on tour with among other things. Whether he is guilty or not is not for me to decide. The sad thing is that he admitted having an affair with this woman, claiming it was consensual. Whether it was or not, I am sure will be decided either in the courts, or the court of public opinion. What is sad, and by his own admission true, is that he had an ongoing affair with this woman while his wife and kids were supporting him at home.

This is not a point a finger and judge type post. What happened is between him, that woman and his wife. The creator has not put me in a position to judge others actions. The sad part of this for me is that his lyrics, that are so powerfully written fall flat listening to them now. Preaching about loving those you care about while having an affair seems rather hypocritical. It also gives the cynics and the people who want to convince the world how bad things are more ammunition. Where this man once stood as a beacon to prove that there is a human who is loving, accepting and a model of what is decent as a human being, now there stands a man who has given into pleasure over promise.

What happens next in this situation is certainly up to this musician. We all have flaws. None of us live in glass houses. The danger lies in projecting an image you are not true to yourself. Not only is it a disappointment for all who look up to you, but it is terribly self-destructive in the quite moments when we are alone with our conscious. Before you think that you are immune to this because you are not rich and famous, not so fast. Many people still look up to us. If you are a parent, you have your children. There are your friends and family. Your coworkers often rely on you for inspiration. Maybe the stranger that takes your order at the coffee shop admires your patience and compassion. It could be you that gives a server in a restaurant hope that not all people are demanding, entitled fools.

We all slip from time to time. I do you, you do and so did this musician. What is a real test of our character is what we do after we slip. Will we own up to our mistakes and use them to make us a stronger more resilient soul? Will we deflect blame and try to lie our way out of it? This man has sure lost a lot of respect from many people. His message seems a little harder to believe. What he does now can either further erode that reputation, or help to gain it back. The same is true when we do not live up to the standards we put out and hold ourselves to. It is my sincerest wish for not only this musician, but for all of us when we stumble, that in the grace given by others we will find the strength to rise once again and learn to be an even better version of ourselves.

CAN YOU SPARE A MINUTE? NOT REALLY.

Last post we discussed the ever approaching and uncertainty of death. Not a really chipper subject, but one that should give us a sense of urgency to enjoy life now. That is what I would like to discuss with you today. How many of us put off enjoyment? The ever present “I will be happy when ___” way of thinking. What if we never make it to when? Again, not a very cheery thought, but one that deserves consideration. We may never get a shot at this merry-go-round of life.

Here is a great example – vacation! When we are on vacation, like my lovely lady and I were in the picture above, we are sure to make the most of it. “We might never get back here again. Let us enjoy it.” We say to each other. The truth is that the same might be said of any moment of your life. Our favorite restaurant that has been there forever may close unexpectedly tomorrow. The beautiful park we enjoy walking through may be turned into condos any day now. Our friends may move away and our loved ones may pass away. All of these moments are possible and at some point will happen.

This is all beginning to sound a little doom and gloomy. The question all of this begs us to ask ourselves is, “How are you spending this minute?” Tony Robbins has a great line, “What is wrong is always available. So it what’s right.” What are you focused on? Are you focused on how much of a hurry you are in and how inconvenient the long line at the grocery store is? You could be focused on how grateful you are that you do not have to hunt for your food or farm for it. Not only would that take a great deal longer, but success is not guaranteed. Either path is certainly justified and understandable. The fact remains one of them leads to a more enjoyable life. We should work to enjoy as many moments in life as we can. We might as well. We will never get them back again.

We all know people who are angry most of the time. Why? Do they know how good they have it? Yes, I am sure their lives could be better. Yes, we all have legitimate challenges and reasons to be disenfranchised. Still, we all have reasons to be grateful and full of joy and love. All we have to do is look around us and see those that are less fortunate and could use our help. Oh wait, we are getting into tomorrow’s post again,

THE PATH TO PROGRESS

It is Friday and the last thing most of us want to hear about is any type of work to be done. That is understandable. In this quote, however, lies the key to any kind of progress we wish to make. Many of us seek the mystical path. We are looking for the latest life hacks. We read all of the metaphysical books and do all of the meditations. There is nothing wrong with any of that. I do many of those things myself.

Here is the truth about how to make progress in any endeavor. I warn you, it is not sexy or exciting. There are no complicated formulas to master or spells to cast. You do not have to wonder in the woods naked during a full moon. Consequently, you will not have to apply anti-itch medicine to your body the day after the full moon, but I digress. The secret is that progress comes from daily, consistent action. Common sense huh? It may be, yet how many of us search for a fad diet instead of eating healthy daily or taking daily physical exercise?

Before I lose you all together with the diet and exercise thing, let me assure you that it is ok to look for shortcuts or life hacks. Here is the caveat to that. Look for those shortcuts while you are putting in the daily effort. You may be shocked to find the level of improvement that can be mastered by daily action. Most people underestimate the change they can achieve by doing this. We are not talking about spending the entire day in the gym every day. We are not talking about living on brown rice and chicken breast. What we are saying is that you put in some effort, daily, towards your goal. Take this blog for example. Some days I write several posts. Like I am doing today. Some days I just share ones that I have written the day before. Some are devoted to marketing this site to new people and markets. There is daily effort towards putting out the best product. What goals are you working on that could be moved along with daily effort? Are you putting it in?

ACCEPTANCE LEADS TO CHANGE

There is a very important lesson in this quote. That lesson is the need to be honest with yourself. If we fail to enact this first step, we will never succeed in our path to self-improvement. I am living proof. It was not until I became honest about who I was, and learned to accept it, that I could begin to improve on some of the areas I need to. That is why constructive criticism can be so helpful. Quite often, we simply do not know what we do not know. This is especially true about ourselves. It can be very difficult to hold up an honest mirror.

Accepting who we are is so important because it allows us to have a starting point. Think of a map. If you do not know where you are starting from, how do you know what path to take to get to where you want to go? Accepting yourself does not mean that you are satisfied, or not acknowledging that there are areas that need improvement. It means that you came to terms with who you are. You are no longer fighting against yourself. When we refuse to accept what we truly are, we are like that hamster in the the wheel. We can work as hard as we want, but we will not get anywhere.

Set aside some time for quiet reflection as to your true identity. If you are brave enough, seek help from a trusted and loving friend. Do not forget to show them compassion and understand that they are not hurting you by making you aware of some of your faults. Then, lovingly accept who you are. That is both the areas that are amazing as well as those that could use a little improvement. The sooner you do this, the quicker you can begin to improve yourself and your life.

50 YEARS TOWARDS A LEGACY 😊

Today is a momentous day! I turn the big 5-0. People have been asking me how it feels to turn 50. To be honest, it feels surreal. Certainly, it does not feel like I am reaching a milestone. To me, especially after my brief flirtation with death, life should be lived daily. To look back and think that I have been on this planet for half of a century does seem incredible. There are so many milestones that have yet to be reached. Marriage will arrive in 2027 to my beautiful Margie. Still looking to retire to a warm climate. Heck, I am still looking to retire. Have not made the best-seller list yet but book four will be arriving soon.

The quote above is my favorite quote of all time. Every year, I learn more what it means. Sure, I understand it intellectually, but learn more about it emotionally with every experience I have. Being the change you want to see in the world means different things to different people. To me, it means changing the world in the only way we are able, that is by changing ourselves. When my journey into self-improvement began it was with a wish that the world was a more positive place. As we sit here on the 29th of July in 2025, we have a long way to go to meet that end. Do you know what is positive? My world! As mentioned, I have what is to me the most beautiful and loving woman in the world. I have great friends and family who lend me support.

The way that my world has improved is by following one of my new favorite quotes, which is the one by Marcus Aurelius. Being a good man, or woman, means treating others with dignity and respect. It means living with honesty and integrity. When you live like this, others respect you and start treating you with kindness and compassion. Life really is a self-fulfilling prophecy. It has taken me 50 years to figure much of this out, but I am going to share as much of it as I can, to as many as I can, so all may learn what it has taken me a lifetime to learn.

As birthdays seem to add up, you can’t help but think of the legacy you are leaving behind. To me the best legacy is one of good character and example. Sharing the knowledge and experiences you have gone through. Learning from the pain and the growth it has forced you to endure. By sharing this with others it also gives purpose to your pain, making it a little easier to make it through. At 50 I have made through many loses and struggles. Still have many more to make it through. Each one, I ask myself, “How can I use this to serve others?” It has help me make through being one of the first people in my state to get Covid. (Did a series of YouTube videos to help others be less afraid) Margie reminded me to use it during my heart surgery to help others who may have to go through the same in the future. I wrote an entire book about the experience called The Beat Goes On.

How about you? On your next birthday whether it has a 0, a 5 or any other number after it, will you be any closer to the legacy you want to live? I will be releasing my fourth book this year. Today I also started the third season of my podcast, Living the Dream with Neil Panosian, on YouTube. Feel free to check that out. I also have another project that will be starting this year that I think you all will love. I continue to find ways to share knowledge with and inspire others. The sand in the hourglass continues to fall and time draws short. This only increases my sense of urgency. I hope it will do the same for you. I would love to hear what legacy you hope to leave behind. You can pick up any of my books, including the one mentioned in this post, at the link below.

www.amazon.com/author/neilpanosian

WHY BE KIND?

In a fast-paced world that is often very short on positivity, this is so important. We cannot tell who is suffering and who is not. It is not only a great idea, but I think being kind is our moral obligation to take care of each other. The only way that we can turn this world into a more loving and compassionate place is by being so ourselves. You cannot legislate compassion. You cannot decree it. You have to practice it.

My life mission is to leave the world a better place than I found it. To that end, I try to spread kindness wherever I go. The sad fact is that I am only one man, and can only physically be in one place at a time. I say ‘physically’ because with technology, I have the ability to spread words of encouragement and motivation to all the corners of the world. This website has been viewed in over 200 countries and on all 7 continents. While you might not be interested in growing a blog, podcast or YouTube channel, there are still great opportunities to spread kindness.

Many of you reading this have social media of one kind or another. Do you go there just to complain or post pictures of vacation? Why not mix in a message of encouragement and positivity? The world needs it now more than ever! How about positing positive things on other people’s pages? How many of us do that? A few posts ago we discussed how this habit can serve both us and them. A few simple world of appreciation or encouragement can go a long way. Think of how great it would be to inspire everyone who read what you wrote?

Another way to do so is to empower others to spread kindness. Helping others to get out of the world’s spell of seeing the worst in things and people is a precious gift! It is like planting seeds of kindness and compassion that will continue to grow and spread! These are the ways we can truly change the world. Will you join us?

HOW TO GET AHEAD

Stop and think about this quote. Another way to put it, if you do not know where you are going, you will never get there. Purpose makes life so much easier. The crazy thing is that most of us are doing busy ‘doing things’ to spend some time to figure out our purpose. The irony is that without knowing our purpose, our actions are not as powerful. When we know where we are trying to go, we can tell if our actions are getting us closer or further away. Without knowing where we are going, we can constantly be second-guessing ourselves as to whether our actions are the correct ones.

One way that you can do this is by thinking about your eulogy. How can thinking about what people are saying at your death help you live your life? You can read more about this in my second book, Living the Dream. We will cover it here in brief. When you think of what you want to be remembered for, you know the type of life you have to live to do so. Think about what you want people to say about you. That you worked hard? Are you calling in every other day because you partied too much? That will not get the job done. How about a good husband/wife? Are you listening to, and putting your partner first? Or are your actions more self-centered?

Here is another crazy thing about all of this. How much time do you have to write your eulogy? When will it be given? The only correct answer to that is that we do not know. It could be next year, or even next week. My hope for you is that it will not be for a very long time, but the fact is we do not know. The time to get clarity and start to live the life you want to be remembered for is now! How about you? Do you have clarity? Do you know what your ‘why’ is? What you want said about you after you are gone? Spending some time answering these questions will be more valuable than digging in a vein of pure gold!

DO NOT AVOID THINKING OF IT

A few posts back, we touched on the benefit of writing our own eulogy and how it can help us gain both clarity and direction for our life. The majority of people who listen to this concept whether through my book or in a seminar, can see how powerful it can be. By pondering how we want to be remembered and what we would like people to say about us and our life after we are gone, we can clearly see if we are taking the right actions. If not, we certainly know how to fix them. Having clarity and direction to our life can reduce a great amount of stress and a foster a greater sense of fulfillment.

When discussing this there are still a few people, some I know very well, find this concept morbid. I am not sure why exactly. Death is something that happens to 100% of us. It is one of the very few things that every human on the planet has in common. It should be something that unites us. The quotes above are Latin. They loosely translate as “Remember you must die” “Remember to live” and of course, “Seize the day.” These together provide a good map to life. Remembering we must die is what gives life its value. If we lived forever, it would little matter what we did. That fact that our time here is finite makes it priceless.

“I do not want to think about dying!” some people cry to me. As if not thinking about it will somehow delay its arrival. It will not. The only thing that not thinking about your death will do is leave you unprepared for its arrival. I do not know about you, but that would lead to a lot of stress as the end is drawing near. One tricky bit, as the first quote tells us, we do not know when that day will be! The older we get, the more likely it is to arrive. It is vital to know that old age is not a prerequisite to death. I died when I was 47. Lucky for me and my family, it was a temporary condition.

In the days leading up to that operation and temporary flirting with the other side, it became abundantly clear what was important to me. I no longer fear death. My fear is not accomplishing what I set out to do. Love my lady. Leave the world a better place than I found it. Inspire, encourage and empower all of those I come in contact with. Ignoring the fact that my death is drawing ever closer would rob me of a great source of urgency that I use to get a lot of things done in my life. Knowing that any hour could be our last to impact the lives of those we love, not to mention the world at large, should push us to be the best version of ourselves that we can be.