Tag: self-improvement

THE KEYS TO FREEDOM

Many of us have a negative association with the word ‘discipline’. It starts from childhood where we are disciplined for perceived bad behavior. This can be standing in the corner, a spanking or any other sort of punishment. In fact, it is here where we see discipline and punishment as the same. Then we move to school. Not much better here. We can be disciplined for acting up in class. Maybe even leading the class on an impromptu field trip while the teacher is out of the room. Say to the park…down the street. Who knew that was against the rules? Obviously not me in pre-school.

This is where another negative association to discipline begins. If our grades are not up to standards, we are told we have to be disciplined in our studies. This can result in long hours of pouring over the books and missing much of the fun our friends are enjoying. As an adult, things to not get much better. We have to be disciplined in our eating if we want to be healthy. This can mean missing out on many of our favorite foods. It can be forcing ourselves to eat many things we do not enjoy. We have to be disciplined about going to work. That sure is fun isn’t it? Roughly 87% of us do not like our current occupation. So that discipline is not enjoyable for most of us. Even as we leave work we have to remain disciplined in doctor visits and taking medication. Not much fun there.

Here is what nobody tells us. Discipline is the key to freedom. In each of the examples above, with maybe the exception of my pre-school adventures, the discipline was helping us gain some freedom. Learning how to properly behave in society allows us to have the freedom to get along once we are out on our own. Being disciplined in our studies not only helps us learn skills we will need in the real world, but shows us the value of committing focused time and effort to developing a skill. As far as being disciplined with our health, that gives us the freedom to enjoy a life with less sickness and injury. Life is no fun when you are constantly at home with the latest illness going around. Being disciplined with coming into work will keep us employed and earning a paycheck. As far as remembering to go to the doctor and take our meds, well that keeps us…alive! Freedom there!

We are taught to view discipline as what we have to go through, or even as a punishment. What many of us are not made aware of is what that discipline will result in. This change in mindset can transform our lives. Not only will it assist us in sticking to our discipline, it will make it more enjoyable. All of that will lead to a more successful life. If you will like to learn more about the power of this mindset change, join us tomorrow when we dive deeper into it.

WHAT A BEAVER CAN TEACH US ABOUT LIFE

We might want to begin by clearing up a little confusion regarding the title of this post. Yes, it does say ‘beaver’ in the title. No, this is not a picture of a beaver. Yes, it is a picture of the moon. It was taken outside of my work this morning. It is known as the ‘Beaver Full Moon’. That is why we used the word beaver in the title. Now that we have all of that straight, let us focus on what it can teach us about life and how to live it better.

Throughout history, there have been many beliefs attached to the full moon. Some based on science. Most based on myth. The one I would take a look at revolves around using the cycles of the moon to focus on different aspects of our lives. This is not about some esoteric or metaphysical thought, but how to use those for a very practical application.

When we are looking to improve our lives, there are really 2 avenues to go about that. We are trying to add healthy attitudes and behaviors and we are also trying to eliminate unhealthy behaviors and attitudes. That is pretty much a given. Trying to do them both at once can be very overwhelming. The metaphysical thought about the moon cycles is that you should use them to focus on one of these at a time. As the moon goes from full to new moon, thus getting smaller, you should focus on things you wish would grow smaller in your life. Eat less junk. Have less negative self-talk. Take your pick. When the moon is going from new moon to full moon, thus getting bigger, you should focus on things you wish to grow in your life. This could be getting more physical activity. It could be showing more gratitude to your partner or in general. Again, this goes for any healthy habit.

I am not sure if the cycle of the moon helps our endeavors or not. What I do know is it is a constant rather large reminder in the sky we can use to help us on our journey of self-improvement. It can also reminder to focus on one side of the coin and then the other. We are less likely to be overwhelmed and more likely to be successful.

WHY “YOU’VE CHANGED” CAN BE A GREAT THING TO HEAR

Has anyone ever told you, “You have changed.” Usually, it is not a good thing. They are attempting to bring to our attention that a behavior or attitude that we used to have is changed. That makes most people uncomfortable. This holds true if our new behavior or mindset is contrary to the one they knew us to have. Perhaps you used to be the life of the party. You could drink a few beers, slam a few shots and would just take the next day off of work. Now, you drink water, are focused on your fitness and show up to work on time. If the person hung around with you before, it might make them uncomfortable to deal with the change. This is even more true if they have stayed the same.

Many people fear being left behind by friends who evolve. In some cases this fear is legitimate. If you are looking to change a behavior, it is quite helpful to no longer associate with individuals who engage in that behavior you are looking to leave behind. If you were formally close to that individual, it can be a little painful for that to happen. If you are the person worrying about being left behind, it can not only be painful, but scary as well. That is why they will tell you that you have changed with an attitude of making you feel as though you are not being authentic to yourself. Part of this is them transferring their fear and disappointment in their own progress on you.

A greater reason for people using the phrase, “You’ve changed.” is our inability to communicate our feelings. There really should be a class taught to us when we are young on how to properly say the often difficult things that we feel. Just yesterday I heard it said that “They tell you that you have changed because they do not know how to say you have grown.” That is something we must understand, growth takes change. If we stay the same we can stay stagnate. The picture above captures it beautifully. To become a butterfly, we cannot remain a caterpillar. Growth can be painful and many may accuse us of changing who we are, but just remember that is because they do not know how to tell us that we have grown.

ARE YOU SCOREBOARD WATCHING?

I heard something the other day that I really liked. I was listening to a motivational video and the person speaking, I think it was Eric Thomas, asked, “Are you scoreboard watching, or are you doing something to put points on the scoreboard?” We have all seen this in sports. You have players who look up at the scoreboard to see how the game is progressing. If the game is close, they might be far more focused. If they are behind and the game is drawing to a close, they will work harder. If the have a comfortable lead on that scoreboard, they might relax a little. If they are behind and there is little, if no, hope of catching up they might stop trying all together.

This is easy to see in the sports arena. It is also true in life. Many people are too busy looking at the scoreboard of life. This could be comparing themselves on social media, looking at how much money they have in the bank or just how far along they are on the goal they are pursuing. If they have a bill coming up and the bank account is a little low, they show up at work and are a great employee. If their friends on social media are all doing better than they are, maybe they feel like giving up and throwing in the towel. Maybe they look in the mirror and see they lost a few pounds so they indulge themselves in a cheat meal.

Then you see the opposite end of the spectrum. Those players who are giving it all in the game whether the game is close, they are far ahead or even when there is no hope to win at all. Coaches love these kind of players. Do you know who else loves this kind of mentality? The universe and world at large. When you do your best at work whether you have a bill to pay or not. When you stick to your health plan even after it appears it is working.

As an author, you need this mentality. It is exciting when you start writing a book. It is equally as exciting as you near publication. In between those two points are endless hours that you must labor intensely whether it seems to be working or not. It is the only way to succeed. The same is true about life in general. You must work hard no matter what life looks like. If you only work hard when motivation is there, you will achieve little or nothing. That may sound like an easy life, but it will actually make life quite difficult.

Ask yourself the tough question, “Am I scoreboard watching or am I doing something to put points on the scoreboard?” Does your behavior depend on outside circumstances beyond your control? If so, it is doubtful you will achieve any meaningful success in life.

HOW TO MULTIPLY RICHES IN YOUR LIFE.

Many of you know how important being grateful is to an amazing life. We will skip the new-age metaphysical aspects of this, although they are important, and stick with practical reasons this is so. When you focus on what you have to be grateful for, you are on the lookout for just that, things to be grateful for. It stands to reason that if you are looking for them, you are more likely to find them. What would happen if you started seeing more things to be grateful for? Your life would feel more amazing. That makes sense, does it not?

Another thing to consider is when you express those feelings of gratitude. When you let the person helping you at the coffee shop know that they are appreciated. How do you think your service will be next time? When you come in they will think to themselves, “There is the person who said they appreciated me.” If you know you are appreciated, how will that make you act? You will probably want to do more for someone who appreciates you than someone who does not. Imagine how this could work with your friends, or even more so with your romantic partner? The more you appreciate them, which will make them feel good, the more they will feel like doing things to be appreciated. This exchange will then give you more to appreciate.

I am hoping you can see how gratitude really can give you more to be grateful for. It is not some strange esoteric principle, but really a matter of exchange that benefits all parties. Considering this, why would you not want to be more grateful and do so more often?

PLAY LIKE IT IS THE FOURTH QUARTER

If you are a sports fan, you know what the fourth quarter is all about. Time is running out in the game. The chance for victory or defeat is getting tighter. Have you noticed how players seem to rise to the occasion during the last few minutes of a game? It is as if their minds become sharper, their bodies cease to feel the pain or tiredness that was starting to catch up to them. We have all seen teams that were down by what seemed like impossible odds comeback to, as they say, steal victory from the jaws of defeat.

The same holds true in the corporate world. The fourth quarter of a corporate year is when profit margins must be met. It would seem people’s talents come out then as well. Creative solutions that seemed to escape us throughout the year are forced to the surface as deadlines rapidly approach. Again, we seem to steal energy and be able to work a little harder and a little longer. We can wrap up projects we have been laboring away at in the first three quarters.

Most of us know about the two examples above. We have seen it happen, or maybe even been a part of it. What we may not realize it that it happens in other areas of our life as well. Relationships suffer the same fate. It is often not until divorce or a break-up is on the horizon that effort is put into the relationship. When the end is near, then we scramble to fix it. How many of us have heard someone say, “If only I knew they were so close to leaving I would have done more.” In order for us to not be the one saying it, we must realize something very important – it is the fourth quarter!

Whether that is our job, our relationship or the legacy we will leave behind, we never quite know when the fourth quarter is. “Oh, I am young so my fourth quarter is a way off.” you might find yourself saying. Really? Youth is not a guarantee of time. Tragedy and illness can take us all. Sure, the odds go up the more you go through life, but it can strike us at anytime. I recall being diagnosed with my heart issues. At the time I was doing cross fit at the gym and feeling great. There were zero signs anything was wrong. If it were not for a reading of a heart rate monitor, you might not be reading these words.

It is not only sickness or tragedy that can lead to an ‘early fourth quarter’. Think of relationships. One partner thinks everything is great only to come home and discover their partner has moved out after years of suffering in silence. The goal is to foster healthy communication so that this does not happen, but even then it is worth noting the possibility. Your job could suddenly need to lay off a percentage of it’s workforce for an unexpected reason. At that point you may have found yourself wishing you had been a better employee. It would also be a little too late.

If I were to offer any advice for the rest of your life it would be to live like it is the fourth quarter! Do this in as many areas of your life as you can. That is your job, your relationship, your health and your life in general. You never know when the fourth quarter will be. You could be in it and not even know it.

WORDS FROM FRIDA

Here are some powerful yet simple words of wisdom from Frida. She was a great Mexican painter and also had some of the best eyebrows! These words are not complicated, yet in them is the secret of a great relationship. It is doing away with the things we know hurt our partners. Things like lies and lack of communication. Replace them with simple things such as hope and coffee. Those two can be one in the same depending on the day. One of my favorite moments in the world is having coffee on the front porch with the love of my life. Just the two of us watching the traffic, birds and whatever else happens by. Do not take these simple, seemingly insignificant, times for granted.

Bringing hope to your partner can seem a bit more complicated, but it need not be. When I have a hard day at work, or face a cold winter day on the way home, my heart is filled with anticipation of the beautiful face that will greet me at the door and hope for the love the will fill the evening we spend together.

Lastly, let us talk about poetry. Every word out of our mouth does not have to sound like a sonnet from Robert Browning, but it would not hurt us to read a little poetry. Expanding the capacity we have for expressing our emotions is always a good thing. Gentleman, this is directed more towards you, but it goes equally for all. Telling someone, “I like your smile.” is great. Telling that person, “When I see your smile it gives me the same warm feeling I get when I see a beautiful sunrise.” goes a little bit further. They can mean the same thing, but certainly convey a different feeling.

We often want to make love this complicated thing. It is not. Do less of the bad stuff and invest more time on learning and doing the good stuff. By process of elimination, the more time you spend on learning and doing good stuff, the less chance you will have to do something that would hurt the relationship. One final thought. This works just as well in friendships, working and business relationships as it would in romantic relationships.

MAKE EVERY MOMENT WORTHWHILE

As I recently turned 50, life can be filled with lots of reflection. This is true no matter what your age, but as the years tick by, we are more likely to reflect on “The good old days.” The crazy part is that we seldom realized they were going to be the ‘good old days’ when we were experiencing them. In that very statement is another secret to an amazing life. While it does us no harm to reflect on good moments we have had, let us realize we are still having good moments now. It is up to us to be present enough to approach them with appreciation and love.

Allow me to share a personal example of this with you. As I write this, I am sitting in a coffee shop. This particular location used to be about a half a mile down the road. It was right next to a hamburger place where you could bring your food and custard over to enjoy with your coffee. It was bigger and had more places to sit. When I reflect upon many of the memories I have had there, including writing a good portion of a few of my books, it makes me long for the ‘good old days’. What seems to fade from memory is many of the troubles of the ‘good old days’. Due to the hamburger place, parking spots were not always available. In the winter, snow took up many of the parking spots as well.

In addition to forgetting things that might not have been that good about the good old days, we should appreciate the things that are good about the present good old days. The staff at this new location are friendly and fabulous for the most part. The new location is close to a different restaurant and also a grocery store and several other shopping locations. This is handy if your fiancée may want to shop as you work on a daily motivational blog…hypothetically. Yes, it is smaller but I guess that makes is a little cozier. Not sure how the snow removal and parking will be this winter, but it could be better.

Life is a lot like this coffee shop. We can focus on what we miss about the past, or we can appreciate and love what we have in the present. Understand that the present will be the ‘good old days’ of the future. What will we reflect on tomorrow that is great today? It is up to us to discover and focus on that today.

THE SECRET TO BEING HAPPY  😊

We often make happiness some complex realm that takes years to get to. It is even a multi-billion dollar business. These three simple rules can supply you with more happiness than you can imagine. Can doing three things really bring you happiness? Let us look at them one at a time to find out how we can.

The first one is having zero expectations of others. This can be so helpful in any relationship from business to intimate. Expecting people to have the same standards and beliefs we have is not only foolish and unrealistic, it will lead to conflict and disappointment on our behalf. Everyone has experienced life differently. They have their own unique way of looking at the world. The best we can do is to kindly explain ours, and do the best to understand theirs. When we feel people have let us down, it would serve us a lot more to try to understand why verses condemn them. Communication and conveying standards is essential, but so is compassion and understanding.

The next is taking 100% responsibility for our own lives. Let me tell you how freeing this is. The more we place the blame for our circumstances in life on other people or things, the more we relinquish control of our life to those very people or things. If it is your boss’s fault you are having a bad day, than it is your boss who would have to change that. If the person in the blue car who drove across 2 lanes of traffic to turn in front of you (actually happened to me on the way to write this) made you mad, than they have the power to control your emotions. The more responsible for your life and your emotions you are, the more control of them you have. Would you not want control of your own life? If you need help on this, I would recommend the book, Extreme Ownership, by Jocko Willink.

The last is being grateful. If you have read anything that I have wrote, you know that I cannot encourage people to be grateful enough. Gratitude really does change your life faster than anything else I know. Look at the picture above and the multitude of things in life we have to be grateful for. The list is really never ending. Even when life seems negative, gratitude is the other side of coin. Take the worst situation in life – losing someone you love. When we are sad thinking about the loss, we can help ease our pain a little by feeling grateful for the opportunity to know and love them. Will it erase the pain entirely? Of course not, nothing will. What it will do is give us another perspective. You would not miss someone so much if you did not love them a great deal. Loving someone and being able to share a portion of life with them, no matter how great or small, is something to be grateful for.

Here is a secret. The more you occupy your mind and heart with gratitude, the less you leave room for negative emotions. If you are keeping score at home, that means more positive emotions and less negative emotions. That is a win/win situation and one that will lead to a happier life.

As you can see, happiness really can be had by utilizing these three methods. It will take some time and practice, but it can be done. The more you work on making these three things a part of your life, the more happy it will become.

A WASTED EMOTION

In a world where division is more common than ever, revenge is something we are starting to see more of. It may also be a result of lack of personal accountability. A lot of us may never meet face to face. There are a lot of people who are ‘keyboard warriors’. Saying hurtful and mean things they would not only be hesitant to say in person, but have little to no business saying in the first place. There are plenty of reasons to see something you do not like and just move past it. Feeling the need to put a sarcastic or mean comment on every social media post you don’t like is not only unnecessary, it drains your productive energy as well.

When you proceed to engage negatively it does not always impact the person you are engaging with, but it will always affect you. Going around trying to get back at people you disagree with or you feel have done you wrong will have you focused on what you perceive as wrong in the world. It will have you in a negative vibration state and may even prevent you from noticing many of the blessings that all of our lives contain. Instead, let those who are consumed by doing negative destroy themselves while you build a bigger and better life for yourself. Give all the energy to yourself and your life, not to their negative actions. You will get further and eventually life will come for them.