One of the things I loved best when I was in West Hollywood, and even when I go back to visit, is the complete shock with someone who is honest and sincere. In an Instagram filter world, many people are so afraid not to be perfect. Although, if asked in private, 99% of them would admit they are not perfect. Here is a news flash, none of us are! One of the ways in which this reveals itself is the fear of asking a question. This I cannot understand. One of the quotes I like best is that when we talk we are only repeating what we already know, but when we listen we can learn something new. In the shower I talk to myself, so I guess I am both at that moment.
The one glaring exception is when you open your mouth to ask a question. Yes, you reveal that you may not know the information that you are requesting, but you also show all of those in attendance, including the person you are asking, that you have a desire to acquire more knowledge. Another point to ponder is that you may never have an opportunity to ask the question again. There are so many unasked questions that I wish I would have asked people who have passed on, moved away or situations that have just passed. I feel like a fool for missing the opportunity.
If you find yourself afraid to ask a question, remember you will only be a fool for a minute, or until you get the answer. If you never seek the information, you will remain a fool forever. How long do you want to be a fool?
As a speaker, one of the things I enjoy doing is watching other speakers. I can see how they use their body language, how they use their words to get their point across and a million other things. Even things I do not like about their delivery can help me improve my own. To this point, I found myself watching a live seminar by one of my favorite speakers. During his performance, I witnessed something I have never seen at a motivational seminar – a heckler. Why on earth would you go somewhere to be motivated only to heckle the speaker, I have no idea.
This gentleman is a rather passionate and aggressive speaker. If you had your heart set on derailing a motivational seminar, his would not be my first choice. He is also a very smart and quick-witted gentleman. After the heckler had called him a “fake” and said all of his stuff “doesn’t work”, the man calmly asked the man one simple question. “What kind of phone do you have sir?” The man quickly pulled out the latest iPhone. When asked how much it cost the young man, he sheepishly replied his parents had purchased it for him. Passing on the opportunity to address this, the speaker simply asked how much the phone had cost his parents. “About $1000 dollars I guess.” was the young mans reply. Without changing his tone, the speaker asked the young man one final question, “You spend $1000 every year to update your phone. When was the last time you spent $1000 to upgrade yourself?”
I was obviously cheering for my fellow speaker until I realized something. He could have been talking to me. How long had it been since I invested in myself. Sure, I have bought new shoes because I thought they would help me workout better. If I bought a new cellphone I might be able to upgrade my YouTube videos, but that is not investing in myself. That is buying myself new things. What if I invested that money in courses or books to gain more knowledge? That would upgrade my videos in a much better way. I realized it had been quite some time since I had invested in myself.
We often view investing in ourselves as something indulgent or selfish. That is foolish thinking. Look around at the people closest to you in your life. Do you think they would benefit with an improved version of yourself? How about your career? Do you think improving yourself could lead to some advancement or additional compensation? I think we can agree that the answers to all of those questions would be ‘yes’. We are actually improving the lives of those we care about, and the world at large, by improving ourselves and striving to be the best version of ourselves. It is actually a very selfless thing to do.
As the new year approaches, let us all work a little bit harder to balance investing in material things, with investing in ourselves. That investment does not always have to be financial. Committing an hour three days a week to working out is an investment in ourselves. Investing time to read or meal prep is also investing in ourselves. Learning is an investment in ourselves. Therapy or meditation is an investment in ourselves. Saying ‘no’ when our spirit is drained is investing in ourselves. How do you plan on investing in yourself in the new year?
Over 2 decades in the self-improvement field. Over 2 decades as a self-improvement author. Over 2 decades writing this blog. Over a decade with my YouTube channel. These facts not only make me feel a little old, but show me I have been doing this a very long time. I have given seminars in some of the strangest places. There have been countless books read, seminars attended, podcasts listened to, and conversations had. There continues to be as learning should be a life-long endeavor.
The most popular question I get whether at a book signing, a seminar or even an impromptu conversation in a men’s room is, “What is the best thing I can do to improve my life.” In my second book, Living the Dream, I devote a whole section to what I personally feel is the best activity you can do to change your life. In my many years of experience and in my own life it was what has worked the best. That is developing an attitude of gratitude. What way is the best to do that? Is it a gratitude journal? Is it gratitude affirmations? Is gratitude really better than goal setting or visualization? The answer is the same activity you would use if you were looking to get in shape, lose some weight, improve your relationship or just about anything else in life.
Regardless of the area of your life you wish to improve, the activity you should use is the same. Are you on the edge of your seat? Wondering what this activity is? Personal trainers, life coaches and others will back me up on this. The activity you should use to improve your life is the one you enjoy the most. Take fitness for an example. Squats are one of the best exercises for improving your body. If you committed to doing squats, but did not like them, how long would you stick with it? A month? A week? Maybe only until the soreness kicks in. Taking a walk with your spouse after dinner is not as impactful as a few sets of squats a day. If you enjoy doing that and stick with it for a year, it will have a far greater impact than doing a week of squats and then quitting.
We began this conversation talking about self-improvement. The same holds true here too. Maybe you do not like keeping a gratitude journal. If you do it for a week and quit you are not likely to see a great impact. Maybe saying what you are grateful for out loud is better for you? If you do that for a month you are far likely to see an impact. Next post we will look at an additional way to develop an attitude of gratitude. What if gratitude just isn’t your thing? What if you would rather create a vison board? Maybe you like meditation? Then do those things. If there is something you enjoy, you are more likely to stick with it. The longer you do, the greater impact it will have in your life.
There you have it. The best self-improvement tool is the one you like the most and are most likely to stick with.Whatever that may be. Again, personally I think gratitude is super powerful, but I would rather see you engaged in an activity that works for you. If you are interested in developing an greater sense of gratitude in your life but you haven’t found something that really works for you, come back next post where we look at a way that makes gratitude almost automatic! Feel free to share what is the self-improvement activity you enjoy the most in the comments below!
Time is ticking my friends! Whatever goals you have set for the year are still a possibility. What you need to do is get rid of the distractions. It is not just Betty who keeps on bringing over doughnuts, or Bob who keeps telling you that you can come over and watch the game and eat pizza instead of going to the gym. It is also your phone, your social media account, the television remote and Netflix. Whatever is keeping you from accomplishing your goals is the enemy.
For the rest of the year, focus on you! That way we can bring the best version of ourself to the rest of the world next year. We can improve every aspect of our life at once by improving ourself. How can you improve the version of you that shows up to work everyday? How can you improve the version of you that you bring to your relationship? Even a general improvement in yourself such as your physical fitness or overall health will positively impact every area of your life. Can you imagine how much more productive a healthy version of you would be at work? Would more energy and stamina brought to your relationship improve it? I think we all know the answer to that.
For the remainder of this year, focus on you and improving you. If this makes you feel guilty, remember it is actually one of the most selfless things you can do. Creating a better version of yourself will benefit all of those you come in contact with. What are some ways in which you will work on creating a better version of you in these last three months of the year?
Discipline is one of the great keys to success. With enough discipline, you can accomplish any goal you are striving after. It takes discipline to get in shape. It takes discipline to fix your eating. Trust me when I tell you that it takes a great deal of discipline to write a book. Even doing these blogs everyday would not be possible without a degree of discipline. One of the trickiest things is how to stay disciplined. We all know the power of discipline, sticking to it is the difficult part. Being disciplined in our discipline.
The quote above provides a good tool to do just that. Think of someone who believes in you. It could be your parents, your spouse or a really good friend. Can you picture them professing their belief to others? How would we feel making them look like fools just because our lack of discipline? Many of us will do more for those we care about than for ourselves. Discipline is no different. If your goals and the fact that you can achieve anything with enough discipline doesn’t fire you up, maybe this will.
If you are finding it difficult to stay disciplined, first take a hard look at your ‘why’. Why is what you are doing so important to you? That may be the issue. If you remind yourself of your ‘why’and it is strong enough, you should have no problem staying disciplined. If, however, you still find yourself unable to stay focused on the tasks you need to do, consider the fact you will be letting down those who believe in you. These people are usually the ones closest to us. Nobody wants insult or make a fool of those they care about. This alone may keep us disciplined.
As soon as I heard this quote, it became one of my new favorites! You think of all these people on squat racks lifting insane amount of weight. You think of men with huge arms doing bicep curls. Still, the heaviest and hardest weight at the gym is the front door. Not literally. Most are made of lightweight material. I believe the doors at my gym are mostly glass. It is the heaviest because actually opening the door and beginning your workout is one of the most difficult things to overcome. It reflects the law of motion. An object at rest tends to stay at rest. To overcome that urge to stay on the couch takes a great amount of effort.
This is something to keep in mind when you are either starting to workout, or like me, working to stay consistent. There is not all bad news. The other part of the law of motion states An object in motion tends to stay in motion. Meaning, once you get into a disciplined routine of fitness and healthy eating, it becomes easier to maintain. It is in overcoming that initial resistance that most of the work will be required. As you get in shape, staying there is easier than getting there. Climbing the mountain is a lot more difficult than staying at the top.
Keep this in mind as you begin your fitness journey. Once you tackle the weight of the front door, the weights inside the gym will become a lot easier.
Today is Monday and there is a brand new week ahead of us! It is not only full of opportunities, but it is full of decisions as well. One of the greatest decisions we make daily, if not hourly, is the decision on what to focus on. Are we focused on our immediate pleasures? What feels good in the moment. Those doughnuts in the breakroom sure look tasty and they are there for the taking. Almost an insult to whoever brought them in if we don’t eat them.
Another path is to be focused on where we want to go and who we want to become. Then the thought of eating one of those delicious doughnuts becomes an insult to both our bodies and our goals and aspirations. It is not often as easy, or black and white, as the doughnut example. Sometimes it is whether or not to participate in that office gossip. Whether we continue to work when nobody is watching or do we scroll online for a little while. Even what we choose to focus our thoughts on. Do we dwell on what is going wrong in our lives, or are we grateful for what we have?
This battle between what we want now and what we want most is a battle that never ends. This may sound tiring and defeating, but it also means we have endless opportunities to win. Every decision we make that overcomes our desire for immediate pleasure for the good of who we wish to become or accomplish in the long term should be viewed as a victory. Which are you choosing at the moment?
Here is how to succeed no matter what the situation. Have you ever heard something like this? “My dad was an alcoholic, that is why I became one.” At the same time, have you also heard this? “My dad was an alcoholic. That is why I will never touch the stuff!” That is the negative side of things. It works the same on the flip side. There are people who succeed because they grew up in a wealthy family and learned all the important financial lessons. There are those who grew up in a wealthy family and ended up in rehab or worse because they never learned responsibility.
When you find yourself in a positive situation it can be pretty easy to learn from. Take our friend who grew up in a financially well-to-do family. He could learn how his parents managed money. He could learn investment strategies. He could learn the value of hard work. He could see the example of the power of money to provide personal freedom as well as to help others. There would be many fine examples to learn from.
What about our friend with the alcoholic father? He could learn a lot of valuable lessons as well. He could see the negative results of alcohol on both the health and relationships of his father. He could see the financial strain it can put families under. He can see the undesirable people and situations that addictions can put us in contact with. There are many lessons in struggles. He could use these as motivation to not turn out as his father did.
We are not pretending life is so black and white. Any life is seldom just a warning or an example. We can use any situation for good or for bad. The choice is ours. If we choose, and are committed to using everything to serve us, than it doesn’t matter whether that situation or person is positive or negative. We can use it to learn and to grow and move ourselves forward. That is the secret to an amazing life.
The Law of Attraction, or LOA, has become one of those trending and hot button topics. There are books, YouTube videos and even entire channels dedicated to the subject. Since the movie The Secret came out, it has been a popular topic. It is also a very controversial and polarizing topic. Some people treat it like a religion, some people say it is just a bunch of new-age nonsense. Which is it? In my experience there is nothing magical about the law of attraction. It is a science based activity that focuses on using different parts of the brain to serve us. It is far from nonsense, but it also not a magical spell that will cure all of your ills in life. Let us look at exactly what the law of attraction is and how we can put it into use in our life.
I am currently in the market for a new car so this is an example that works really well for me. Have you noticed this? It really comes into play after you buy a new car, or outfit, or any other meaningful purchase. The greater amount of emotion attached to that purchase, the greater this seems to work. You bought a certain make or model of car and now you see that car everywhere. Did everyone else go out and buy the same car to be like you? Simple logic tells us this is not so. Then why does there seem to be more of them on the road? We will get to that answer, and why the word ‘seem’ was in italics, in just a second.
One more quick experiment you can do to show you how this works. It will only take roughly 60 seconds and can radically transform how you see, and can use, the law of attraction. You can do this right now, right where you are reading this. Get still and focused. Maybe take a deep breath or three. Now, pick a color. It doesn’t really matter which one. One of my favorites is blue, so we will use that for our example, but you can use whatever color you desire. You are going to do what I am going to suggest next before reading the following paragraph. If you really want to get the full effect and understanding you will try it out. After you do what I am about to tell you come back at read the following paragraph. Here is what you are going to do. Look around you and see every object that you can find that is blue. It can be any shade of blue. Note what the object is. Do this for roughly 30 seconds. Go ahead and do that now. Look for blue objects.
Now that you are focused back on what we are learning, let me ask you a question. Without looking up, how many red objects can you name that you saw? You are probably saying, “I wasn’t looking for red. I don’t know.” Now look up and notice the red objects. Were they just put there? Of course not. No more than everyone bought the same car as you. What happened was the part of your brain that filters what is and is not important to you determined what you saw. In the case of the car, it brought to your attention a certain item. That is the make or model of car that matches your own. In the case of the blue objects, it blocked out any objects that were not of importance. This could be brown, red or any other color object. This part of the brain is called the reticular activating system. It is the bridge between your senses and awareness. We used visual examples because they are the most poignant. It works the same for any of the other senses as well.
Just like cars and blue objects, the law of attraction works for business opportunities, meeting the ideal lover, or a million other things. If we were to create a list of traits we would enjoy in people and reviewed that list with emotion every day, we would begin to see people with these traits showing up in our life. Perhaps we might start to notice some of our friends and family developing these traits. They really didn’t develop themwe just placed an importance on noticing them and our brain followed suit. The tricky bit is that this filter in our brain works the same for positive and negative alike. If we are constantly telling others that we have no luck, or that life is out to get us, our brain will be like, “Wait! Let me show you an example of that!” Before you know it, it will seem that our life is full of negative situations. Of course our filter will be more likely to point them out and draw them to us.
Although the brain can bring things to our awareness through the filter of the reticular activating system, it is us to then take action on those things. If we are focused on noticing business opportunities but don’t act on them when we see them two things will happen. First, the results will not be forth-coming. We need inspired action once we tend to notice the new things. Second, if we continue not to act, the brain will decide this must not be that important after all and stop bringing these to our attention. The law of attraction is real. It is a scientific and conscious use of the mind. It also requires action on our end.
Depending on its use, one phrase that can drive me crazy is, “It is what it is.” This is true in some regards which we will get to later. When used as an excuse not to take any action to change how it is, that drives me crazy. The only thing worse is people who constantly complain about their circumstances and expressing their desire that they were different. This takes away valuable time from making the most of them.
On a personal level, I was born with a few health challenges. I have asthma. This prevents me from doing some of the physical activities as good as I would like. I have a deformed heart that I was born with. This not only forces me to take a few more precautions that the average person, I also have to be routinely tested. Neither of these did I contribute to. They came with birth. Many people tell me how sad and unfair that is. In this case, I do say “It is what it is.” Nothing will change the fact that I cannot breathe that well or that I get nervous every time I have a pain in my chest.
That was the fate I was born into. I can choose to despise it, or I can love it. Why on earth would I love the fact that I was born with these issues? One, it helps me relate to others who have these, and other, medical conditions. It also motivates me to take as good of care of my physical health as I can. On the days when going to the gym does not sound like the best idea, I think about the fact I could die. When I don’t want to do cardio, I know the more I work my lungs, the better they will function. Not to mention, I have no urge at all to start smoking. If I didn’t have asthma, sometime along my 23 year journey of bartending or my time singing in a band, I would have picked the habit up.
When it comes to the life we are dealt, there is no use in crying how unfair it is. That may very well be true, but now what? If life knocks you down, that can often not be your fault. Finding a way to get back up is entirely your responsibility. Fate can be kind, it can be cruel. When we can’t control that, we can control our reaction to it.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 