Ah, winter in Wisconsin. Not my favorite season. I am more of a beach and sunshine sort of man. Still, there is those strange bits of wisdom that you can only get in the snow. As I was driving to work at roughly 4:30 in the morning, this bit of wisdom was brought to my attention. One of the not-so-great things about living in a cold climate is having to scrape the ice off your windshield before heading out. When start work before the sun comes up, you do not always do the most thorough job. As I was making my way down the street, I noticed there was a bit of ice stuck under one of my wipers. This created a nice streak across the window.
Here is the funny thing about a streak on your windshield. Tell me if you can relate. Whether that streak is right above the defroster, or on the top of the windshield as mine was, it always seems to be right where you are looking. A good 90% of my windshield was clear, yet my eyes kept being drawn to this area where the streak was. It occurred to me this was a great parallel for life. 90% of our life can be going great and all we can fixate on is what is not going great. This is especially true if you have a toothache.
Just like driving in winter, if we are staring at the annoying streak, we will miss all the wonderful beauty there might be around us. If we are focused on what is wrong in our life, we will not appreciate the love, beauty and all that is right within our life. The flip side of this is after the car warmed up and the windshield defrosted, the ice melted and the streak was gone. In life, we must often wait and soon our problems will melt away. I could have also pulled over and addressed the problem sooner. Just like in life, we can take action and addressed the issue that is vexing us.
I hope next time you see a streak on your windshield, instead of becoming annoyed, remember this little bit of wisdom. Perhaps it will remind you to look at all of the beauty in your life and not just fixate on the streaks on the windshield of life.
Raise your hand if you have ever felt burnout. Now you can put your hand down. If you are reading a blog like this, you have probably felt exhausted, overwhelmed and burnt out. When we do our best to live an amazing life, we can tackle too many things. Juggling, work, parenting, social obligations, family and friend obligations and maybe if we are lucky, throw in a little self-care. Does this sound familiar? As a high achiever, we are all guilty of this at one time or another.
The quote above highlights a good reason why. By doing so, it also gives us the key to getting out of these feelings. The part of the quote that I am referring to is the part about your soul departing. How many times have you been pursuing a passion and you just felt totally overwhelmed? I would say that is a rare moment. When we are doing something we are truly called to, we could be without sleep, haven’t ate in 2 days and barely drinking any water. That is why pursuing a passion is one key element to avoid burn out. You may be thinking, “I already have too much to do! That is why I am feeling burned out.” That leads us to our second, and very important, tool to eliminate burn out.
The second thing you should do is to question the why behind what it is you are doing. Are you doing something because you would feel guilty if you did not? Stop it. Are you doing it just to please someone else? Stop it. This can be a very difficult process for a lot of people. We can find ourselves doing so many things that do not serve us in any way. That is not to say you cannot help or do something for someone else. If helping your neighbor move would make you feel good because he is always doing things for you, then go right ahead. If going to grocery store for your spouse even though you are dead tired would make you feel good because you feel it would demonstrate how much you care, then go ahead.
Here is the tricky thing, if your neighbor has never spoke to you, or maybe you have a bad back, then feel free to say “No”. If you feel that driving to the store would be unsafe because you are too tired do not do it. If you are only going because you feel your spouse would be mad, don’t go. Saying “No” and standing up for ourselves can be one of the most difficult things we have to do. The payoff, however, is having the energy to do what we should be.
Have you ever felt like you are doing everything right and still nothing good seems to be coming of it? It may be that you are doing everything right, but you are not doing the right things. Remember saying “No” does not have to be mean. It does not make you a mean person. When we take control of our own physical, mental and spiritual well-being, we have more energy to bring to the items that stir our soul. This is far from easy, and may have to be done several times. Personally, after a long day working at the post office, I am so tired, it is hard to have the energy to write. Honore de Balzac once said, “Were it not for coffee one could not write, which is to say one could not live.” He also used to drink 50 cups of coffee a day. I am working on my third as I sit at Starbucks typing this very post. This is not the best health regimen. However, writing is my passion. Looking forward to this allows me to have the energy to make it through my 10 hour day at the post office. It also allowed me to say “No” to an additional 2 hours that were offered to me.
We must also look at the payoff of the actions we choose. Had I accepted the additional 2 hours, it would have been some nice money. This is good as Margie and I are planning to go on vacation soon. It would, however, leave me feeling to exhausted to get any writing done. This would not only leave me tired, but frustrated. Not having the energy to pursue my passion and purpose. Make sure this weekend you only say “Yes” to what you have a good why for.
To the more cynical of you, this notion of expecting something wonderful to happen may sound ridiculous. I can hear your voices as I type this, “Even if I do, life will still be the same.” or “Life won’t change just because I am expecting it to.” I would have to agree with both of those statements. Life happens. Flat tires happen. Turning off your alarm while you are still half asleep happens. Going to Starbucks and finding they are out of coffee happens. (this actually happened to me and I share the story in my first book) If life will not change when we alter our expectations, then why do it? That is a very fair and legitimate question. Life will not change – but our experience of life will.
When we choose to expect, and therefore focus on, the positive, that is what we see. When you are expecting something wonderful to happen, you will be better able to notice when it does. Here is the truth – almost everything that happens in our lives can be something good. We get a flat tire? We might be late, but it will give us a forced opportunity to slow down. It will give us a chance to practice our tire changing skills. Maybe it will provide us a chance to use that roadside assistance we pay for. A cavity, as painful and inconvenient as it can be, is a great reminder to take care of our teeth.
Life is not all about finding the good in the struggles. In fact, life if full of miracles! Most of them we never notice. The fact that we can use a device that fits in our pocket to serve as an alarm clock to wake us up, a source of news to keep us informed, a music player to lift our spirits, a GPS system to get us where we are going, a camera to take pictures of where we are going and a platform to tell people around the world where we have been is a miracle. How about the wind? We can use it to power our cities. It can tell us when our neighbors are grilling out. It can further our appreciation of a beautiful flower. How about our ability to communicate and encourage others, even if they are half a world away? I always enjoy my communication with my friend in Italy. He provides valuable feedback on these very posts.
The fact that our bodies can turn food, water and air into energy, thoughts and motion. It is not only a chemical process, it is nothing short of a miracle. The happy dog we see in the car next to us. The smile from a stranger, or even better yet, from someone we love. The ability to taste the food we love. The joy that comes from hearing our favorite song. The feeling of love we get when someone hugs us. You may say I am choosing to look at the world through rose-colored glasses. You may be right, but does that make any of those statements less true? How would looking at all of those things as the miracles they truly are make you feel? What if you spent an afternoon, or even an entire day, trying to spot and appreciate everything good in your life? How would you feel at the end of the day?
The cynical are right that none of this would change the world. Here is the powerful secret to an amazing life – it would change the world for you! By taking control of our focus, we have the ability to create our world. Every day something wonderful does happen to us. What happens on the days we miss it? Will there be days when we feel nothing wonderful happened? Yes, we will still have bad days. We are human. When we chose to focus on, and expect, the wonderful, those bad days will be the exception and not the rule. In my third book, I ended it with a quote from Einstein. I think it sums up what we have been discussing here today. I invite you to read and ponder it. I also invite you to take me up on that challenge of trying to find everything positive you can for an afternoon, or even an entire day.
There are lots of things that come to mind when you think of strength. A plant is usually not one, but I am here to set the record straight. House plants, and plants in general, are some of the most adaptive and strong organisms out there. They are able to do many things that are seemingly miraculous and could teach us a great many life lessons. What lessons could we possibly learn from a plant? I am going to answer that question, and you will never look at that potted neighbor of yours the sameagain.
The first lesson that plants can teach us is how to use just about everything that comes into our life. When the sun shines, the plants turn that sunlight into energy. Based on how I feel during the winter, I might do this as well. What about when it rains? Plants soak up that water and use that as well. They put both of them to work. Both the good and the seemingly bad. In everyone’s life there are moments when a little B.S. seems to come around. You lose a job. You have relationship challenges. Whatever it might be, these are like the manure of life. What do plants do when you cover them with the stuff? They find the good in it they can use and end up stronger for it. In fact, the more manure you cover a plant with, the better it grows! When life gives us a little ‘manure’ we can do the same thing. Find the good, or at least something we can use, and force ourselves to grow.
As I was pondering the amazing aspects of plants, another analogy came to mind. One of the wonderful things plants do for us is an exchange of gas. They take carbon dioxide, a gas that is considered waste, combines it with water and turns those two things into glucose and oxygen, respectively. I am, of course, simplifying the process greatly. In essence, they take a waste gas, do a little rearranging, and release something refreshing that helps other things live! They also use the glucose for fuel to help them survive. This reminded me of the negative gases we all face. I am not talking about being stuck in the elevator with a man who consumed too much Mexican food the night before. No, I am talking about the gossip we hear. It is the negative attitudes we encounter. The people always telling us the sky is falling. If we could take the ‘waste gas’ they expel, combine it with hope and the good that we know is the truth, we could emit something far more healthy. Words of encouragement and praise are like the oxygen for the soul. Being able to turn all of that negativity around and instead speak hope, love and encouragement will make us feel good as well. This is kind of like the glucose the plant uses to help itself grow.
Using both the sunshine and the rain of our lives is not easy. Taking those ‘manure moments’ and using them for growth, also not easy. How about absorbing all of that ‘waste gas’ of gossip, negativity, doom and gloom and tweaking it a little so that we end up releasing hope, love and encouragement? If you think that is easy, you must have never tried it. Here is the simple fact. All of these situations are possible to do. House plants do it all of the time. When they do it well, guess what happens? They grow a lot! When they stop doing them, even for a little while, they begin to die. We could be the same way. Let us put everything to work for us. Let us use it all. The sun, the rain, the manure and the waste gas of life. Let the plants of the world remind us that when you put your environment to work for you, instead of falling victim to it, you will experience a vast amount of growth.
With the last couple posts about being self-disciplined and driving for becoming a better version of yourself, many people may get the wrong idea. Wanting better for your life, your relationships, and the world we live in, does not mean you are in a constant state of wanting or unfulfillment. Quite the contrary. Gratitude is one of the most powerful motivators. Here is a secret to an amazing life – if you want more to be grateful for, work your butt off. It is a tricky balance. Like the photo above says, “Be happy with what you have, while working for what you want.” I would replace the word happy with the world grateful but the idea is the same. Are you grateful you have that special loving person in your life? Good. Feel grateful, but be self-disciplined enough to continue to work on making that relationship healthier and more loving and you will always have something to be grateful for. Are you happy your healthy? Good for you. Appreciate your health. It is one of the most underrated forms of wealth. Guess what happens if you don’t continue to push to maintain and improve your health? You lose it. The same holds true for your relationship, your job and any other area of your life.
Spend some time, first thing in the morning always works well, to feel and express gratitude for what you have in life. Spend the rest of the day working to make it better. There is nothing in our life that maintains if we do not continue to work on it. Our fitness, our mental health, our relationships and even the plants in my house. Do some soul searching. What in your life are you most grateful for or happiest with? What do you think would happen if you just ignored that area of your life? I can promise you it would not get any better and in all likelihood, it would begin to break down. While you are working on improving any area of your life, thinking of how grateful you are for it can be a great motivating factor as well. Imagine your life without it. That will keep you working to improve it. What areas of your life are you most grateful for? How do you plan to improve them?
I have spent the better part of 2 decades in the field of self-improvement. I have been an author of self-improvement books for over ten. I have been doing this blog for over 10 years as well. I have been a life coach, keynote speaker, podcast guest and host on the subject of improving your life. I have been on several television shows and appeared in a few publications as well. I tell you this not to impress you, but to tell you that I would have to be a complete idiot at this point not to realize the patterns and tools that work to positively impact your life. There are certain skills that if developed, have major impacts on your life. Skills such as becoming a life-long learner, developing a personal health plan, reducing your stress or developing your skills in dealing with others. There is one skill that stands above all of the rest. With this skill, you can accomplish anything. Without this skill, life will be hard and you are unlikely to get very far in it.
That skill is discipline. More to the point, self-discipline. You can have the greatest fitness knowledge. You can even come in and knock out a great 2 hour workout. If you don’t come back several times that week, you are unlikely to see the results. You can know all there is to know about nutrition. You can know about macros and micros. If you eat a healthy plant-based meal on Monday, but down a burger or two the other 6 days of the week, you are not going to have a healthy physique. Doing the right things once in a while does not give us an amazing life. The secret to an amazing life is self-discipline. It is consistently doing the right thing, even when the mood to do so is not present. This is easy to say, but very difficult to accomplish.
If self-discipline is so“ difficult, why should we bother working on it? That depends, what kind of life do you want to have? If you do not have the self-discipline to get up on time, and get to work on time, you will never be able to keep a job. If you don’t have the discipline to control your emotions and constructively convey your feelings, you will find it very hard to maintain friendships or relationships. As we mentioned with diet and exercise, if you want to live a life full of health and vitality, you need self-discipline. You want to own your own business but can’t get up without hitting the snooze button 5 times? Good luck. Here is one thing people confuse about having self-discipline. They think they can be undisciplined is some areas of life, and still be disciplined in others. It seldom, if ever, works that way. To steal an analogy from our last post, these are ‘gazelle people’. Their motivation is driven by outside factors. “If they pay me enough and my boss is nice to me I will show up.” “If there is nothing good on television, then I will go to the gym.” These people live a life of excuses and not one of results.
You may have begun to understand how important self-discipline is, but how do you get it if you do not have it now? That is a great question. There are many books and suggestions on how to develop self-discipline. One of my favorites is Discipline Equals Freedom by Jocko Willink. There are also a host of videos on YouTube. One of my favorite speakers that propels me to be the most disciplined and best version of myself is Inky Johnson. I highly recommend you check out his story. There are also instructional videos with a host of ideas. Look up several and see what works for you. Developing your self-discipline is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.
To get you started, I am going to recommend some of the same things we mentioned in the last post, along with one more. First, get a strong why. Know why becoming a self-disciplined person is so important. Think of everything you can gain by being so. Trust me when I tell you that everything you want is on the other side of self-discipline. I mean everything. You want to be a good parent? That takes self-discipline. You want to be the best lover and partner for your spouse? Yep. Self-discipline. I am a fan of using the carrot and the stick as they say. Use the power of both pleasure and pain. Think of what you will lose if you are not self-disciplined. In the long run, that is everything. You want to keep your job or have your business continue to succeed? You must be disciplined to consistently show up on time, work hard and bring good results or they will begin to look for someone who will. You want to keep your partner head over heals in love with you? You must be disciplined in your approach to that relationship. You want to keep people’s respect? You must be disciplined to show up on time and do what you say you will, even when you don’t feel like it.
Yes, self-discipline is hard. It is also the golden key to accomplish anything you want in life. Nothing can withstand disciplined consistent action. It is like the water that slowly wears away the rock. If it flowed for a day and said, “This is not having any effect.” nothing would happen. By flowing over that rock, day after day, after some time, it will completely wear the rock away. I suggest starting with something small. Prove to yourself that you can be disciplined. One of the best is to start waking up early. If you can beat the snooze temptation, you already start your day with a win. What do you really lose anyway? 5 or 10 minutes of low quality sleep…if you are lucky. What happens if you decide to wake up without hitting snooze and you fail? The pillow or the sexy person, or warm dog next to you is too tempting? This shouldn’t be too shocking of an answer. You stay disciplined. You go after again the next day. What if you fail again? You guessed it. You stay disciplined. You commit to doing it again the next day. Once you implement discipline into your life, you will wonder how you got anything done without it.
I have written several times about the story of the lion and the gazelle. How every morning if Africa a lion and a gazelle both wake up. If the gazelle doesn’t run fast, the lion will eat it. If the lion doesn’t run fast enough to catch the gazelle, it will starve. Either way, they both have to run. On the surface, you would say they are both motivated by the will to live. There is one difference I noted. The gazelle’s motivation comes from an external source – the lion. If there was no lion present, the gazelle would just relax and watch Netflix, or whatever gazelles do in their free time. It is like the coworker who only seems to be busy when the boss is watching. Otherwise they might be in the breakroom…watching Netflix. Their motivation is based on an outside source.
The lion, on the other hand, has inner motivation – his hunger. If there is no gazelle present he will look for one or hunt something else. He has to eat. Here is an employee who has the work ethic to do a good job even when the boss is on vacation. They often come to work early or stay late. Their motivation is driven by a desire to do a good job, whether anyone will ever know.
How about you? Are you a lion or are you a gazelle? Do you need outside motivation to chase your dreams and goals? Are you running from and responding to every situation in life or are you laser-focused and running after your dreams? Does your realization that you are not quite the person you wish to be drive you to push to get better? If not, how could you develop this lion mentality? Can you only go “Beast Mode” in the gym, when you have got enough sleep, the sun is shinning and everyone in your household is getting along, or do you workout because it is Tuesday and that is what you do? Are you working out to impress everyone else, or because you want to be the strongest healthiest version of yourself?
One of the best ways to develop that inner motivation is to get clear on your ‘why’. What are the reasons you are chasing a goal? What makes is so important to you? What would you gain if you achieved it? What would you lose if you did not? Get clear on that and you will become a lion and pursue your goals and dreams with the ferocity of a lion on the hunt.
This is one of those post titles that sounds absolutely ridiculous, but if you stick with me, I believe you will appreciate the wisdom. Love can be a crazy and difficult thing at times. Doing your best to make sure your partner is happy and satisfied could, and should be, a full-time job. Put that responsibility on top of your job and you can feel worn out on occasion. In many cases, we use certain opportunities to wow the love of our life with some meaningful gift. Maybe jewelry, flowers, a new car or some other grand gesture. These are all well and good, but I do not believe they are completely necessary and often miss the boat when it comes to what love is truly about.
We often few love like we do these grand gifts. We see the romantic movies and have read the fairytales. We look for kings, queens, castles, and someone to come sweep us off our feet. Like love is either this grand thing, or it is nothing. Not only is that not realistic, but it is not sustainable. Yes, love can do amazing things, and yes, love can make you feel like royalty. Those moments are great, but they are the exception to the rule. What is love truly about? It is about toothbrush covers. What the heck does this even mean? Love is about being for someone day in and day out. It is about taking out the garbage when you are already tired from work. It is about taking time to listen to your partner’s day when you barely have energy to get through yours.
What does any of this have to do with toothbrush holders? It is those gently daily reminders that someone loves you that mean the most. We can often take them for granted. While diamond jewelry is certainly able to blow us away with romantic feelings, how often will we wear that necklace? How often does it get taken out and appreciated? I am going to share a little personal story about a gift that my love lady, Margie, got for me. One day she came home excited from the store and exclaimed, “I got us toothbrush covers!” Seeing the appreciative, although less excited, look on my face, she went on to explain. “You know all of the germs flying around your bathroom and how they can get on your toothbrush.” I must confess this is something she is far more concerned with than I am. Still, I thanked her and put the little device on my toothbrush. Months later, I happen to be brushing my teeth (I brush them everyday, this thought just took months to occur) when I took a second to look at that silly toothbrush cover. I thought about how concerned she had been about the germs we might get on our toothbrush and how excited she was to have found, and purchased a solution. In her way, she was showing how much she loved me. Every tooth brushing (Which I must again stress happens twice a day) I think about how much she cares and loves me and it is because of that toothbrush cover.
Gifts do not have to be large. If we look behind them, we can see that some of the greatest love is given in some of the smallest gifts. Twice a day I am reminded that my lady loves and cares about my health. You might not view a toothbrush cover as romantic, but that would be your loss. Perception drives performance. How I perceive that gift of the toothbrush holder makes me feel loved and cared for. When I feel that way, guess how I treat the lady who gave it to me? With love and appreciation.
A while back we talked about this blog being viewed in all but roughly 6 or 8 countries of the world. Some have political barriers that will not allow us to be viewed there. Others, like Greenland, are not so populated and may take some time to reach. I have been writing these posts for over 10 years now. (Has it really been that long?!) Sharing my journey and everything I have learned with all of you. Last year, I started my own podcast. You can connect to it by clicking the link at the end of this post. As of the writing of this post, it is followed in 6 countries. Quite the opposite of this blog. Still, I have only recording episodes for 5 or 6 months verses the 10 years of writing blogs.
While building an audience for this blog, I was reminded of lessons I give my life-coaching clients – build slowly. It is easier to add small positive steps in the right direction than to do a dramatic change in your direction. The same holds true for changes we wish to make in our life. If we have spent months on the couch eating pizza and watching movies, than going to the gym 5 days a week would be a stretch we may find it difficult to maintain. However, going for a walk after dinner, parking a little further away at the store to get a few more steps or simply finding a physical activity we enjoy helps us get started on the right path. I love the picture above because it shows little ways to get started doing big things. You want to begin a practice of meditation? Start by taking a deep breath before a sip of coffee. Want to journal, but find it difficult to sit down and write? Talk to yourself in the car. Not only will it get you in the practice of verbalizing your thoughts and feelings, as a bonus it will freak out the other drivers around you.
It any endeavor we embark on, doing so beginning slowly will give us the best chance to maintain these healthy habits. Want to cut down on your drinking? Start by consuming more healthy beverages such as iced herbal tea, (there are some delicious and functional options), green tea or of course, water. Want to cut down on your internet viewing? Try scheduling a fun coffee appointment with friends once a week. Would you like to know a secret to accomplishing goals and changing to a healthier lifestyle easier and with less stress? I am sure all of us would. Here is something I have discovered. It is far easier to add positive things in your life than to solely focus on eliminating something negative. When you focus on eliminating something negative, your brain encompasses a feeling of less, sacrifice or being deprived. “You mean I can’t eat all of the pizza I want and still lose that belly I have been carrying around?” If you focus on adding something healthier your brain either has a feeling of getting healthier at best, or at least does not have the feeling of lack at worst. “Wow, this veggie chili not only tastes good, but is good for me?”
In closing, focus on building slowly and sustainably. Little wins and accomplishments will help you gain and keep momentum as you are moving in the direction of a more amazing life. Focusing on quality changes instead of quantity also increases success. Instead of trying to go for a run, followed by the gym, followed by a yoga class, focus on doing 2 sets of 10 squats every day with perfect form. You will gain the momentum of sticking with a healthy habit. Soon, you will notice a difference, and that will not only help you gain further momentum, but may motivate you to add other positive changes. Build slowly, but keep building my friends.
The Marx Brothers are one of my favorite comedy groups to watch. This band of brothers always had a million laughs a minute. Often, it takes watching their movies 3 or 4 times to catch all of the humor. This quote from the leader of the merry bunch really had me thinking. A few posts ago, we spoke about how to maintain your positive vibes around people that are difficult to get along with. If you haven’t read that one yet, I highly recommend you go back and do so. Yet, there are more than just negative people that can get you down. We are going to talk about how to deal with many different challenges today. Oddly enough, they all have a very similar solution.
Groucho lets us in on a key aspect to remaining happy – control. When we let someone, as we discussed in the post previously mentioned, or something get us sad, upset or any other emotion we do not wish to feel, we are giving that person or thing control over us. We are giving that person or thing the ability to dictate to us our own emotional well-being. If we stop and think about this, it is very easy to understand emotionally. In practice, however, it can be quite difficult to manage emotionally. We get upset. We get down and sometimes end up in a sort of emotional funk. It happens to me. It happens to all of us. The secret to an amazing life is not to expect to eliminate these experiences all together. We are human and on occasion our emotions will get the best of us. I still get in a funk. This time of year, with the cold weather and lack of sunshine, it is always a possibility. The secret to living an amazing life is to reduce both the frequency that these moments occur as well as their intensity.
Above is another powerful thought. Happiness is a choice. It is not always an easy end, but in order to get to that end, we have to chose to make that our destination. I opened my very first book, A Happy Life for Busy People, with this quote from Abraham Lincoln, “People are about as happy as they make their minds up to be.” If you decide that a happy life is important to you, settling for anything less will not do. True, you will still get down as we discussed, but when you are feeling that way, you will still know that happiness is where you are determined to be. Noticed I said determined not would like to be, or prefer to be. What do we do when we are determined to live in a state of happiness and inner peace and the world seems to have the exact opposite idea? We get to work!
Another great quote from Mr. Lincoln. If we are responsible for our own happiness, and we want to be in control of our own emotional well-being, what do we do when things get us down? That is a great question. I recommend starting by appreciating what those feelings are telling us. There are often great lessons to be learned in times of pain. If all we do is try to ‘deny’ our own emotions, not only will we miss the great lessons we could learn from them, but they are likely to return with a vengeance. If you are feeling sad, angry, lost, lonely or any other emotion, my first suggestion is to ask yourself why you are feeling that way. Let us say you are reeling from the loss of a loved one. You should not admonish yourself for feeling bad. Losing someone you care about can be one of the most difficult things we experience. Realize that in order to feel great loss, we must have been fortunate to feel great love. That is a blessing that not everyone has. We also had the great opportunity to share many amazing memories with that person. Our life, and our heart, will forever have a hole where that person used to be.
Now, after we have honored and discovered our emotions, which can take as long as we need it to, it is time to get to work. Begin by asking ourselves what the lesson we can get from life in regards to this tragic event. Could it be to make sure we treasure every moment with people we have in our lives? It could be that we need to take more pictures, make more memories and share more with each other while we can. How about to live and love without regret? After we have mined our negative emotions for the lessons they can teach us, it is time to put those lessons into action. Reach out to someone we have been meaning to. Plan and create memories with those we love. Make sure we are not so busy earning a living that we forget to create a life. As we take these actions, we can feel grateful for the lessons and reminders that the negative emotions have given us. That can take some time, but in the end, I think we can honestly come to terms with them.
In order to return our heart to a state of inner peace and joy, it make take utilizing some other tools. Many of these can be found in my second book, Living the Dream, but we are going to mention a few here. You could get together with family or friends to watch a funny movie (like the Marx brothers), we could listen to songs off our happy playlist. We can spend some time in one of our favorite spots in nature. I cannot stress enough how creating a list of things that bring us joy BEFORE we experience an emotional challenge is so important. When we find ourselves in a negative state, it can be next to impossible to think of things that bring us joy. I am sure you can all relate. Having such a list handy can literally be a life-saver in some cases.
We used the example of losing a loved one in this post because that is about the most difficult situation any of us can face. The same strategy can work if we are facing the end of a job, the end of a relationship or even just a morning commute filled with drivers who seem to being ‘using the force’ instead of watching the road. Discovering the true source and reason for our emotions, finding the lessons contained within them and then taking actions to learn from them and return our hearts to joy will work in all of these. It will also allow US to have control over OUR emotions instead of putting the key to them in someone else’s pocket. Do you want to have control over your own happiness, or would you rather let someone else control you?
