Tag: Self-Help

ONE OF THE PUREST FORMS OF LOVE ❤️

This post could have been titled “Secret to an amazing relationship”. That is what this quote is. A truly great relationship is not just about intensity, but longevity. That may seem painfully obvious, but it is worth saying here in black and white. Even if a relationship has the burning passion of a bonfire, what good is that passion if it burns out rather quickly? Of course it would be great to have a passionate relationship that lasts for a very long time, if not forever. The million dollar question is how to do that.

Consideration is one of the very important tools you can use to give your relationship longevity. Being able to look at a situation, and consider its ramifications, from your partner’s point of view is a priceless skill. It is true that we will never know with 100% certainty how something will affect our partner, friend or coworker. What we can do is use the tools and strategies at our disposal to be able to have an educated and informed thought on the matter.

What tools and strategies will allow you to best be able to consider the other party’s feelings and how the situation may affect them? There are a few big ones I would advocate putting into practice. The first one is active listening. When the other party is venting about something that upsets them, pay attention. When they mention what would bring them joy, pay attention. If you ever have a question about the matter, do not assume. Asking questions for clarity is part of active listening. Listening with the purpose of learning and understanding is also part of active listening. If you go into a conversation with a plan of learning more about the other person, you are more likely to be successful with it.

The other aspect that can really help you better consider another party’s position on a matter is having meaningful dialogue. Many people call this “Having the hard conversations”. They may seem like something you may not want to do, but being able to know where someone stands on a difficult issue prior to that issue occurring, is a big advantage. Begin the conversation by letting them know you are asking because you want to know how best to act should that situation come up. Make it clear you are interested in their feelings and the health of the relationship between both of you. When they do tell you how they feel, or where they stand on a certain issue, accept it without judgement. Remember you are not trying to get them to think like you, just understand how they think.

Using these tools and strategies your relationships will stand a lot better chance of succeeding. When you show consideration for another, it demonstrates that you value them as a person and their roll in your life. If you are wrong in your estimation of how a situation may affect them, or how they feel about it, learn from that too. Before long, all of your relationships will start to improve.

IT IS HUMP DAY. KEEP WORKING!

We work so hard on our goals. We work hard on our health. If we are smart, we work very hard on our relationships. Still, there is one thing that we often skip working on. The irony is that by working on improving this one thing, we will improve on everything else in our life.

That one thing is ourselves! When was the last time you sat down and thought of ways you could improve? Better yet, when was the last time you came up with a concrete plan to do so? With New Years right around the corner, let’s do more than come up with random wishes to improve our life. Let us come up with a measurable plan to do so. It will not only improve ourselves, it will improve our life!

UNDERSTAND YOUR POWER

New month, better attitude! So many people underestimate the power they hold in their own lives. This picture above gives us three powerful things to think about. Let us take them one at a time. By the time we are done exploring and examining it, we will have some new tools, strategies and powers we can use to positively impact our lives. Sound good? Let us get to it!

The first one is one of my favorites! The power of our words. This is one area that people overlook or do not think is as powerful as it is. Do not take my word for it. This is backed by science. Dr. Masaru Emoto did some amazing experiments using the effects of words on water. He showed that when water was exposed to words such as hate, anger and the emotions behind it, the molecules became fractured and deformed. However, when exposed to words like love, peace and the emotions behind it, they formed perfect molecules. You may think, “So a guy yelling at water made it deformed. What does that have to do with me?” Your body is roughly 50 to 60% water! If you change the molecules in 60% of your body, how will could that not affect you? This can be a negative cliche’ you recite by force of habit. It can be overreacting when you are ill. Many of us focus on what is wrong and what we lack in our life. You can see, from a scientific standpoint, how this can affect our physical well-being.

Next is the power of our thoughts. According to research, the average individual thinks over 60,000 thoughts a day. Driving in the recent snow storm, it appears I live in a city with many below average people, but I digress. Further research states that over 80% of what we think on a daily basis is negative and 95% of it is repeat thoughts from the day before. Can you imagine hanging around with someone who talks negative 80% of the time? What if that same person says tells you 95% of that same stuff everyday? How long do you think you would hang out with them? Ironically, that is what is occurring in our own heads! Most of this occurs without us paying much attention. What we think will have a great impact on what do and are willing to try. That has a great impact on our life!

Lastly, is the power of our presence. How many of us tolerate being places we are not tolerated or at the very least, not appreciated? This is one I have to remind myself of often. There is something to be said for making compromise for the ones we love, but it should not come at the cost of our own peace.

For this last month of the year, take control of your words, your thoughts and your presence. See what a difference it will make in your own life. See how much power you hold to positively impact your life.

HOW TO MAKE LIFE CONSISTENTLY AMAZING

We will get to why this question is indeed one of the most important questions in just a minute. First, I would like to share with you an event that got me thinking about this. A gentleman I see occasionally at my day job paid me one of the most unique, but meaningful compliments. He told me what he most admired about me was my consistency of character. How despite outside circumstances, I remain upbeat and treat everyone I meet with kindness and compassion. I would love to tell you this is true all of the time, but it is not. It is true enough that a gent would notice and compliment me on it. So what is my secret? How do I remain upbeat and always treat others kindly? How can I do this despite what my outside circumstances are? More importantly, how can you manage to do this as well?

The first step is to answer what good old Albert said was the most important question. Is the universe a friendly place? Here is the tricky answer. Whatever we decide the answer is, we can find corresponding evidence for it. If we look for examples that the universe is a terrible place with people only out for themselves, there is no shortage of that. If, however, we are brave enough to believe the universe is a wonderful place with people showing kindness and compassion towards others, we will find that too. We may have to look a little harder as that kind of news does not sell as well. They are both there. I am here to tell you life will be much more rewarding and joyous if you decide the universe is a wonderful place to be.

One good way to do this is to find a guiding quote that speaks to you in that regard. Although not an overly religious person, that quote from the bible is one of my favorites. Whether you are religious, spiritual or not, find one that speaks to you. If you decide that the universe is is a friendly place, than even when things seem to be going sideways, you will understand that it is ultimately for a good purpose. This may sound like a bunch of B.S., and it is. Belief system that is. If your belief system is that the world is generally a good place, you will understand if the dark and the challenges bring their own blessings.

Does that mean your life will suddenly be rainbows and unicorns? Of course not. You will, however, begin to see the gifts that challenges bring. You will find yourself saying things like, “Boy this person is testing my patience. By testing my patience, it will help me strengthen it.” This could be to yourself or out loud. By developing this mindset you will be able to be more consistent in how you are living your life. This not only can apply to the overall purpose of your life, but to specific areas as well.

Recently, a friend mentioned how they struggled to keep a positive attitude about the business they started. When you are excited about your business and nobody seems to come through the door, how do you stay excited? That is a challenge. If you have a firm belief in what you do and why you are doing it, view those ‘down’ times as a test of your dedication to your business and an opportunity to learn different ways to attract customers and improve on that which you are now doing. My third book did not go over nearly as well as I had hoped. Instead of viewing myself as a failed author, I took that opportunity to examine how I bring my message to people, how I promote my books and what I could do better with my upcoming fourth book.

The secret to a consistently amazing life is to decide that your universe is a friendly place, or whatever goal you are pursuing is worthwhile. If that is the case, then how could anything not be working towards your greater good? Put both the victories as well as the challenges to work for you. The more you do this, the more life will be amazing and the easier it will be to be consistent in all you do and who you are.

HOW TO GET ANYTHING YOU WANT!

The title of this sounds a bit too grand to be true. I thought so at first as well. The plan to achieve anything you want was brought to us courtesy of Earl Nightingale. One of my favorite authors and speakers. Earl was actually a lot more than that and I encourage you to explore his many works. He developed a plan that required no more than 5 hours a week, none on weekends, and can give us anything we want in a surprisingly short amount of time.

Here is the method, short and sweet. Wake up one hour earlier every morning. Yes, I know this sounds difficult. I wake up everyday at 4am, so I can understand. When I tell you what you can accomplish with this idea, you will soon see it is worth it. Make yourself a nice cup of coffee or tea. Whatever you prefer. Sit down with a pad of paper and a pen. Yes, we are going old-fashioned here. There is a reason that makes it more powerful. Write your single goal on the top of the piece of paper. Now, begin to list as many ideas as you can for reaching that goal as your sip your brew. Do not judge them and understand most of your ideas will not be very good. Write them down anyway. All you need is one good idea to succeed. Shoot for 20 ideas a day. Working 5 days a week, this will give you 100 ideas a week. Can you see how the law of averages is with you?

Another benefit of doing this is the fact that it imbeds your goal into your mind, but conscious and subconscious mind. Your mind will be working on it as you go throughout your day. The wonderful idea you are looking for may not come to you in that hour you are working, but may pop into your head on the drive to work, or while waiting in line at the grocery store. By writing with pen on paper, we create a greater mind/body connection. This will help drive our goal into our mind even more.

Bonus idea!!!! While doing this to accomplish goals certainly makes sense, there are other applications that will transform your life just as powerfully. Can you imagine waking up and trying to come up with 20 ways to add love and connection to your relationship? How about ways to show yourself some self-care and inner peace? How about leave a great legacy for those behind you? Imagine trying to come up with 100 ideas a week on any of these subjects? How would that change your life?

PREACH AT ALL TIMES, USE WORDS WHEN NECESSARY

I love this quote from Saint Francis. It reminds us that actions speak louder than words. How about you? Do you show consistent character? Do you treat everyone kindly and did not let outside circumstances determine the way you interact with others? I would love to tell you that this is true with me all of the time, but it is not. It must, however, be true often enough for some folks to notice and compliment me on it.

How many of you have children out there? If not children, how many are parents to one of our four-legged friends? Do they always listen when you tell them something? Children go to bed as soon as you utter the words. The dog sitting nicely whenever you tell him to do something? We all know that this is not how the world works. Do they follow you around and mimic your actions? Do they repeat things you say? (the children, not the dog) Even the things that you do not mean to say around them? It is not just children and animals that are this way. When our words do not match our actions we can be thought hypocritical or even worse.

Whatever the ‘gospel’ of your life is, do your best to preach it at all times. Use your words when absolutely necessary.

IT IS NOT HOW FAR YOU HAVE TO GO, BUT HOW FAR YOU HAVE COME.

It should surprise nobody that human beings can be fickle creatures. One of the more amusing aspects of humanity is that we often focus on what we lack, or what we have left to do. We often build it up to be far more that it actually is. In a strange twist of irony, we minimize the importance of how much we have accomplished or how far we have come.

It is certainly not helpful to rest on your laurels. Looking back and appreciating them from time to time can certainly be helpful. Knowing that we have made it through some very tough challenges, some of which we may have thought that we never would have made it through, can give us the confidence that we can make it through the challenge we are now facing. David Goggins refers to it as ‘the cookie jar’. Something he reaches for in his mind when facing a tough situation. This is a man who runs 200 miles without stopping in Death Valley in the summer! He knows a thing or two about overcoming challenges.

How about you? What is in your cookie jar? Not the one in the kitchen, but the one in your own head? What accomplishments and overcoming of challenges do you have? It can be helpful to sit down and list them. A little of both. Read over that list on a tough day when you are feeling like you cannot persevere. It will also help ingrain them in your mind so that when a tough challenge pops up unexpectedly you have them front and center. It can give you that boost of confidence you need to live the amazing life you deserve!

VANITY. IT CAN HINDER OR SERVE.

One of my favorite speakers is Inky Johnson. He often says that perception drives performance. Here is one example that came to mind – vanity. There are so many of us that use vanity as an excuse. I am too old to do this. I am not fit enough to do this. I am not smart enough to do this. It can prevent us from taking the steps we need to improve our life and give us the life we have been dreaming of. We must realize that what others think of us will never be more important than an opportunity to improve our own life. As the saying goes, “What you think about me is none of my business.”

That speaks to the first half of the picture above. The second half speaks to using vanity to push you to improve your life. Realizing that learning, working out or other things that may cause us to look foolish or lacking in the present may be necessary to improve our life in the future. Would you risk looking silly being the oldest person at the gym? As a 50-year-old that regularly hyperventilates on the treadmill, I can attest to this. If you let the fear of being the oldest person at the gym keep you from getting in shape, you might be forced with being comfortable being the youngest person at the nursing home.

This does not only go for fitness. It is true in learning as well. When we are first starting to learn something we often look foolish. If we are willing to suffer that lack of vanity, we will acquire the skills that will help us look, and be, intelligent in the long-run. Meditation is another arena that this is true. First starting out can seem foolish. Once we master it the benefits are insane.

Vanity, like many other aspects of life, can be a tool or an excuse. It all depends on your perspective. The same can be true of regret, fear and a million other emotions and conditions. It is our mindset and our attitude at the beginning of a task that has the greatest impact on its outcome. To quote Inky Johnson, “Our perspective will drive our performance.”

IT DOESN’T ALWAYS ROAR

Monday can be tough for anyone. In addition to what life throws at us, we now have to deal with what the boss throws at us as well. This can leave us feeling drained, and even defeated at the end of the day. It can have us wondering how we can manage to make it to another day. It is important to remember that is where true courage comes from.

Many people think that ‘courage’ means taking on a lofty challenge or goal. It can be that. What is also courage, and often takes a great deal more is to wake up and face another day when you feel you have nothing left. That is also courage. Remember when you put your head on the pillow, head filled with doubts and fears, only to rise another day, that makes you courageous. When you feel you have lost everything that was dear to you, but still you go on. That is courage. When life knocks you down, but you slowly get back up, that makes you courageous.

Sometimes the greatest courage in life is that small voice that whispers to us. That takes courage to listen to.

HOW DO YOU ANSWER OUR MOST PRESSING QUESTION?

There are many pressing questions to answer in life. This is, however, one of the better ones. This is for a good many reasons. By answering it we both add service to both ourselves and others. I suggest we spend a good deal of time pondering this question often. The benefits of doing so are reduced stress, clarity and well-defined purpose. It also greatly increases the chances that we will turn out to be a decent human being.

Let us take a look at how this all plays out. First, by examining what we are doing for others, we make sure that we are indeed doing something for others. It will assist us in not living a self-centered sort of existence. It may help to open our eyes to more opportunities to positively impact the lives of those around us. Are we making the most of the gifts we are given? This can also help us gain clarity and purpose in where our lives are headed. This can greatly reduce the stress we are feeling. There is yet another benefit to pondering what we are doing for others.

When we are thinking about what we are doing for others, we are focused on them and their issues and how we can be of benefit to them. This, if only for a moment, stops us from dwelling in the misery of our own problems. When we do realize that others have problems, it can help put our own in perspective. When we do come up with a way in which we can be a service to others, it gives us a feeling of value and purpose. This mindset can also help us with our own issues.