Tag: Self-Help

RESONANCE IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS

Today’s post might be a little ‘sciency’ but do not let that scare you. We will break everything down and go slowly. By the time you digest everything I believe you will have gained information and a valuable tool to help you move closer to an amazing life. Today we are going to talk about sympathetic resonance. Before we get into exactly what that is and how it works, let us talk about us. You, me and every other human that lives and breathes on this planet. As you break down what we are all made of, when you get to the very base of everything, it is made of exactly the same thing – energy. Each person, every object is energy at its most fundamental level. The difference is in the frequency and vibration of that energy.

Consider this quote from one of the smartest men to ever live on the planet. Tesla realized that the secret to everything comes down to the base of what everything is made of energy and the frequency and vibration that energy is in. Before we lose anyone, let us help understand energy on an interpersonal level. Have you ever experienced someone who brought tension into a room simply by entering it? How about those people who make people smile just by their company? You can feel their energy without grasping the quantum physics behind it. The same can be said for how you feel in certain places, listening to certain music, or looking at a certain piece of art. The list is endless. Certain things affect you in certain ways.

Now let us get back to sympathetic resonance. This is a fancy term for saying energy affects like energy. One of the best examples of this can be had using tuning forks. Every tuning fork has a frequency determined by its mass, length and material it is made out of. If you struck a tuning fork next to a group of tuning forks of varying frequencies, only the ones that matched the initial fork would vibrate. It is a cool little trick, but how does that serve us? That is where it gets interesting.

Remember when I said at our basic level we are all made of energy? That we all vibrate at different frequencies? Much like a tuning fork, we will resonate with people of like energy. Here is where things get interesting and how we can put them to use. Unlike a tuning fork, people have many frequencies they vibrate at depending on mood, health, environment and a host of other factors. Even the happiest person has a sad vibration in them. We all have our own fears, triggers and joys that we respond to.

Thinking back to our tuning fork example, we resonate with like-minded energy. That being said, a person’s energy can resonate with certain aspects of ourself. Some of those may be beneficial to us, some may be detrimental. That is why it is paramount to surround ourselves with the best energy we can. Why watch the news over and over? It will look to resonate with our energy of fear or perhaps anger. Spending too much time with that person who is always anger will only cause us to stimulate that anger frequency in us.

You do not need to fully understand sympathetic resonance or the quantum physics behind it to know that the things that surround you affect you. Knowing this, can you see how important it is to select your environment as much as possible? Associate with positive people who are driven. Fill your house with items that bring you peace and joy. We cannot control everything in our life. That is precisely why it is so important to control what we can. The energy that surrounds and affects us is something that we have a great deal of control over. Can you see how this knowledge can help us achieve an amazing life? How you can use an energy cleanse after a stressful situation? How having a house that brings you peace can help leave you more energized?

VALUE EQUALS CONTROL

Sometimes the oldest wisdom can enlighten us most in the present. Take a look at this quote from a Stoic Philosopher. Far too many young people place their value on ‘likes’ on social media. There are people who look at career advancement as a measure of success. Some view the number in a bank balance as an indicator of a successful life. All of these have variables that can slip out of our control. How many people ‘like’ something we put out on social media has so many variables that it is beyond comprehension. It is certainly not an indicator as to the quality of the content. Career advancement? Things such as market volatility, nepotism, and office politics can influence that. Bank balances? One health emergency and that can be upended.

Instead, focus on what we can control. Take the social media example. If you focus on putting out quality content verses likes, when you do have a post go viral, there will be no concern if it will be a good one. The best way to boost your readership is to write something worth reading. Career advancement? Becoming the most valuable employee you can be is something you can control. Learn as much as you can. Develop your people skills. Give them no choice but to promote you. If they still decide to go with their brother instead, you will be positioned to succeed somewhere else. Bank balances? Increasing your financial knowledge and skill is one of the best ways to insure yourself against catastrophe. Even if an emergency wipes out your savings, you will have the knowledge and skills needed to rebuild again, and do so in less time than most.

Whether your concern in life is finance, relationships or legacy, your best course of action is focusing on what you can control. In every situation there are things that are in our control and things that are not. To place value on the former, means less control in your life. To place value on the latter means more control. In the simplest of terms, one of the best things to focus on and put value on is becoming the best version of yourself. In that regard, no matter what outside circumstances hold, you are best positioned for success.

LIVE A LITTLE

This may seem like a morbid thought, but it is actually rather motivating. There is a classic Latin saying that says, “Death is certain. The hour uncertain.” It can come at anytime. Delayed gratification certainly has its place in self-improvement, but it must not come at the cost of our inner peace and joy. While we are striving to become the best version of ourselves, we must do our best to enjoy the process. While you look forward to the future, enjoy the present.

Another way of looking at these sayings is that we should take nothing for granted. Our health, the love we share with our spouse, the friendships we have. Even our job and boss that may drive us crazy at times, can be taken away in a heartbeat. Every ability we have. Every simple pleasure and even every annoyance, can be gone in a second. You may think challenges and problems would be great to be gone. In a strange way, they bring their own kind of joy. If you face a small daily challenge, overcoming that gives you a small victory every day. That is something to be celebrated.

When we delay our happiness until something happens, we live a life of wanting. If we can find joy in the waiting, our life becomes one long celebration. Enjoy the destination as well as the journey. That is the secret to an amazing life. The more moments you can find to celebrate, the better. How can you live a little in the moment? Are you guilty of postponing your happiness? Have you found ways to enjoy the journey? We would love to hear your story!

THE 1 EMOTION THAT CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE

This is a picture of the amazing coffee that I enjoyed with my good friend Nick the other day. Every time we get together, the discussion is always so productive. We encourage each other to ask ourselves the tough questions. We bring new points of view and different experiences to consider. In addition, Nick holds me accountable in many of my projects. That is the benefit of having a friend like him.

This afternoon we found ourselves on the subject of people overcoming great adversity in their lives to go on to both accomplish great things as well as inspire others to do so. He shared a story of a young lady who was a 16 year-old theater student. While preparing for a role in a production, she fell through a door in the stage and become paralyzed from the neck down. As a young person just beginning their life, this had to be devastating. She confessed to crying herself to sleep on many nights. Over the decades that followed, and with intense therapy, she managed to regain use of 4 of her fingers. This may not sound like much, but it allowed her to operate a motorized wheel chair. This gave her a greater deal of autonomy and motivation to continue to push on. Thirty years after her accident, she appeared on stage and sang a song from the production she had been training for on that fateful day when she was sixteen. Something the doctors had told her would never be possible.

For those of you who follow this blog, you know I am a big fan of Inky Johnson. He is a gentleman who trained to be a professional football player since the age of 7. His junior year in college he was told he would be a top pick in the NFL making him an instant multi-millionaire. He called his family who were all living in great poverty and told them the great news. Two games later he suffered an injury that left his left arm paralyzed. This ended any hope of a professional sports career. He is now a prolific speaker sharing his story to inspire others. Again, after much therapy and countless sleepless nights.

My question to Nick, and to myself really, was what was it that makes these individuals able to overcome the challenges they face while so many of us go back to bed if we stub our toe getting out of bed? What is that mindset that allows you to push on long after others would have quit? It is the ability to be resilient. The definition of that word skillfully placed above this paragraph. What allows someone to be resilient and how can we develop more of it? Inky Johnson would credit his faith as a major reason for being able to keep going. That may be a part of it, but those without a spiritual belief have also demonstrated this ability. What allows a person to have the fortitude to make it through sleepless nights, through tears and heartache?

The reason this question kept bouncing around my brain is because pain, loss, and heartache are things all of us will go through at some point. The desire to quit is also something we will all face. That can be the desire to quit a job because you do not like your boss. The desire to quit on your marriage because you and your spouse cannot seem to get along. Giving up on your health journey because you are tired of waking up sore and eating chicken breast. To, of course, giving up on life itself. Being the person that I am, and the mission I have for my life, it is my goal to help people persevere more. Too many of my friends have given up on too many aspects of their life, and sadly some on life itself. That bothers me so greatly it has motivated me to do all that I can to bring as much love and light to the world as I can.

How can we develop the ability to be resilient? The first step is acknowledging that it is a skill worth putting the time in to develop. I think we can all agree that you are always in one of three stages in life. You are heading into a storm of life, in the middle of one or just coming out of one. That is not negative thinking, but realizing that there are always challenges to face. Most of them are not nearly as intense as the two listed above, but some are even greater. One of the things that we can do of the start is to have a vision for our life. If you do not have a destination for your life, how are you going to get anywhere? What is the purpose for you to get out of the bed in the morning? If it is to just pay bills and die, you are not going to be able to withstand what life has to throw at you. If it is to see your grandchildren grow up and bring as much to their lives as you can, that is a far stronger reason.

In addition to developing a strong ‘why’ for your life, developing a strong self-care routine is essential. If we do not take care of ourselves, we will not be able to take care of anyone else in our life. In addition, meeting challenges in the best possible state we can will give us the best chance of overcoming them. That is not something you can do if you do not take care of yourself. I would throw in a study of people who have overcome tragedy themselves. I cannot think of anyone who has made it through something intensely trying that did not want to share what helped them do it with others. Start with watching some of the videos Inky Johnson has on YouTube. If you know someone in your life that has overcome something challenging in their life, ask them for advice. In my second book, Living the Dream, I share several of these stories at the end as inspiration for us all.

If you find yourself in the middle of a circumstance that has you wanting to give up, let me share something that has helped me personally. Knowing the pain and hurt you are experiencing will give you the tools and strategies that can help others in the future going through that same pain will not only help you to keep pushing forward, it will also have you being present enough to learn the lessons that you will pick up along the way. You will emerge a stronger, more credible, and yes a more resilient person on the back end.

One very important note on the end of this post. If you are thinking of giving up, reach out for help. There are times when we need help developing that resilience. It will also give those helping you a feeling a value and purpose. Never give up on yourself. Study resilience. It is something that can and may save your life.

THE DEFINITION OF EXCELLENCE

The ‘secret of success’. It is something that billions are spent on every year to discover. The amusing part of this is that it can be found in this quote by Aristotle. You need to have successful habits. Ones that continually push you to be a better version of yourself. If you make exercise and learning a habit, there is no limit to where this world may take you. When we are stressed, we do not rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our habits. That is why it is paramount that we begin to work on them as soon as we can. Habits take time to develop. They are also easier to develop when we are not in a stressed state.

A few years back, I appeared on the television show Positively Milwaukee. One of the strategies for success that I advocated that day was that we should learn to swim while we are on the shore and not when the ship is sinking. Meaning, that learning and perfecting skills should be done before we need them. When will we need them? We never know. That is why it is so important to get into the habits that will be profitable to our lives now. Profitable does not only refer to financial concerns. A habit that increases, or profits, our health is a vital one to have. Self-care is a great habit to develop for mental health purposes. When will we need a hand with a mental health? That can be right around the corner!

Another important aspect to consider about success is that it cannot be compartmentalized. We have seen this is CEOs, celebrities and others. If your success in one area of your life comes at the sacrifice of others, you are not a success. If you are wealthy, but you family is not happy or your friendships are suffering, are you truly successful? We need to develop excellence habits and apply them to every area of our life. What healthy habits for excellence do you have? Which ones do you think would be healthy to develop?

NEW SOLUTION TO THE SAME PROBLEM

Let me ask you a question you may have never been asked, or even thought to ask. What stress are you grateful for? You read that right. Most of our lives, and a good many posts on this site, has been focused on reducing or eliminating stress. Wouldn’t a life with no stress be a great thing? You might think so, but stress does us a lot of good if managed properly. I recall listening to a talk by Norman Vincent Peale where he described a place where not a single person had a problem. Everyone there was completely problem free. A friend of his asked him to take him there. His response? “It is Woodlawn cemetery.”

That is very true. Stress is a sign of life. Many of us spend our lives trying to get rid of our stress. Our time would be best served if we found a way in which we could put stress to work for us. Changing our approach and interaction with stress can do this. A change in mindset can transform how we see stress. It will not change the stress. It will change us. The world will give us stress no matter who we are or what level we reach. Having a healthy approach to stress will allow us to succeed at every level. What is this switch in mindset? Let us take a look at it below.

I always reference working out. Lifting weights is a stress. It stresses the muscle. In response the muscle grows stronger. Without that, the muscle would remain weak. The same is true for our mental, emotional and spiritual muscles. Increasing our resilience, patience and compassion happens when we face opposition. It can be hard to be grateful for them in the moment, but they are indeed making us stronger, if we decide to let them. It may be a slightly tired cliche, but an airplane rises flying into the wind. How do you manage stress? How do you use it for motivation and getting stronger? Share your ideas with the rest of us in the comments below.

WIN ME! INFLUENCE ME!

Everyone is looking for new and exciting secrets that will help them live an amazing life. That is the entire point behind this website. My quest has been just that for my entire life. What I learn, I share with everyone in this community. As exciting as some of the new tools and strategies we have discovered when it comes to the mind and success, some of the truly great ones have been around a long time. My favorite book, that has given me countless tools for success in my life, was written in 1936. That is almost 100 years ago. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie is a book I have read countless times. It seems every time that I pick it up I am either reminded of something important or I discover something I may have missed. That is one of the great reasons to read a book several times. You are a different person each time you pick it up. Your experiences and the way you look at the world change and may allow you to see something you missed in the previous reading.

One of my favorite tools put forth in that book is using someone’s name often. We all enjoy hearing the sound of our own name. It makes us feel important and valued by the other party. It is takes away the feeling of ‘being just another number’ in the corporate world. If you are looking to retain customers from a business aspect, or develop rapport on a more personal level, using a person’s name is helpful. I find when I throw in a server’s name in a few times while out to dinner, it improves service. Why wouldn’t it? It shows you value and appreciate them as a person and the service they are providing.

The photo above was my coffee cup this morning. By adding my name to the little greeting written on it, they made me feel like a valued customer. Feeling valued will make me more likely to return to this location. Can you think of ways in which using a person’s name can make someone feel more valued? In what ways do you enjoy it when someone uses your name?

WHAT A RESTROOM STALL TAUGHT ME ABOUT RESPECTING PERSONAL BOUNDARIES

Have you ever had a moment in your life that made you feel a certain way at the time, but upon reflection, has taught you lessons you missed completely? If we spend a moment pondering that question, I am sure we all have. Allow me to share a humorous story from my own life that was both humbling and embarrassing at the time, but has since taught me some very valuable lessons.

This happened early in my life. I was working in a shopping mall at of all places a hair salon. Back then malls where busy places. It was both a place to shop and a social gathering place. This was before there were as many online communities in which to gather. If you wanted to meet and converse with people you had to do so in person. It was also a place to show off your fashion, have a first date and enjoy a day with friends. It was exciting to be a part of it.

Wherever there are large groups of people, there are usually large messes. Someone has to clean that mess up. In the mall I worked at it was a young man named Oscar. He was an immigrant from some Central American country I honestly cannot remember. Oscar was short and his English was not the best. His job was menial, but very important. People did not stop and consider what would happen if nobody were there to clean up after them. People either ignored Oscar as if they did not even see him at all. Worse yet, some made fun of him or treated him like an indentured servant. Crazy thing was Oscar was friendly to everyone. Even those who treated him unfairly harsh. I admired this about him and told him as much. Before long, he and I had a casual friendship. He enjoyed having someone who respected and listened to him. I enjoyed having someone who managed to see the sunshine in the cloudiest of circumstances.

 

One day my friendship with Oscar would come back to haunt me. I had forgotten my lunch and ate food in the mall food court. Moments later, my stomach had let me know that I would have been better off going hungry. I rushed to the public men’s room with not a moment to spare. The one stall that had all of the items necessary to do the business I needed to conduct had one outstanding feature. When you closed the door, there was about a 2 inch gap between the door and the side of the stall. Being that it was a busy day at the mall, this was quite a predicament. Unfortunately, mother nature does not afford you many options in this situation. As I sat contemplating the unsavory ingredients that could have been used in my lunch, I could see through the gap in the door my friend Oscar walk in. He was there to clean the restroom. With the greatest of regret, I discovered he saw me through the same gap, although my position was a far more humbling one. He immediately began to talk to me through this gap, all while keeping eye contact. “Mr. Neil, how are you today?” After much back and fourth, I was able to convince Oscar it would be best that we continued our conversation at a later time and in a different locale.

I know Oscar was trying to be friendly. He didn’t have many friends and perhaps it was a cultural difference of not understanding the need for privacy. After this humbling interaction I noticed Oscar was never quite as friendly. Perhaps, considering my position, I was a little too direct in letting him know I did not want to talk. Maybe he felt bad when he realized I was embarrassed talking through a men’s room stall. In retrospect, it was a good lesson for us both in respecting boundaries. I am sure, in an attempt to help, or just be a friend, I have overstepped someone’s boundaries. There have been times that I have felt hurt when someone was rather direct in letting me know they did not want my association, even if just for the moment.

When I think back to that moment in the mall men’s room, I remember how there were two different people, in two different positions that both ended up feeling uncomfortable. It taught me, and still teaches me, that I need to recognize when some people just need their space. It also reminds me not to take it too personally when people are direct about communicating their need, or desire, to have that space. It has become something I have learned to appreciate. How about you? Have you had one of those experiences?

MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER ON THE JOURNEY TO BECOME THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF

Each one of us, the author included, is on a journey to become the best version of ourselves and to create an amazing life. One of the most difficult things to understand about that is that self-improvement, like many other things in life, is not linear. That is to say you do not become a progressively better version of yourself every day. Your life does not go on a perfectly upward trajectory. It sure would be great if it did, but it does not. You feel like you are finally getting a handle on your anger, and then on a stressful day you snap on someone for no good reason. You feel you have managed to heal from the hurt in your life, and one morning you wake up in tears. It can be tempting to think this amounts to some sort of failure. It does not. In fact, it is necessary for several reasons. When this happens to you, as it will to all of us, there is one thing to remember.

This was brought home to me in a personal way today. Writing this site, and writing in general, is something that always brings me a great day of joy. Researching and learning ways in which I can make my own life better and then sharing them with this community is often one of the best things in my day. There are days, like today, that I find myself in a funk. Have you ever had one of them? You wake up and feel down. A little defeated. Perhaps a bit of sadness fills your heart? It is worse when you can’t even pinpoint what the cause of these feelings are. Maybe there are a million things you are dealing with that all happen to tap on your brain at the same time and it feels overwhelming. That was the kind of day I am having today.

The coffee shop I write at has its own little community. A group of regular people who come and go and cross paths. We learn a little about each other and our lives through simple conversation. One of those people is Cindy. She knows and interacts with many of the people in this coffee shop. Today she asked how I was doing. “Well Cindy, the tricky thing about writing a daily motivational website is doing so when you feel in a funk.” Cindy looked rather understandingly at me and said 3 words that I feel is an important reminder for all of us to carry on this journey to better ourselves and our lives. She said, “You’re only human.”

There is a great thing about days like this. It reminds us why we want to improve our life and ourselves. It also reminds us what it is like to struggle. It is that reminder that allows us to have compassion for the rest of the world who struggles too. It reminds us that there will always be challenging days and that they give us the kick in the butt to build a life where they are fewer and less intense. In this case, it also reminded me how important it is to befriend others. They can give us that powerful reminder like Cindy did to me today. In your own journey, when you make a mistake or have a day where you are in a funk, remember you are only human. Use those days and that pain for motivation. Use it to increase your compassion for others.

EVEN THE UNDERTAKER WILL BE SORRY

Like many of Mark Twain quotes, this is both filled with truth and a little humor. What he so eloquently expressed is that we should live a life so good that even those who stand to profit from our death would be sad to see us go. How on earth do you do that? Think about those in your life that you impact. That would be everyone you see, talk to and now digitally, impact online. It is not only them, but the people they interact with. Think of what happens when you pay a friend, or even a stranger, a genuine compliment. They feel good about themselves. They have more joy in their heart and their spirit. How do you think they will interact with those they run into?

Even those who seem to be against us in life. There are those sunshine-challenged souls who may be offended at your attempt to better yourself and the world. What about them? You may think they would be happy to see all the joy you attempt to bring to others gone. On the surface that may seem true. Even the hardest person among us appreciates people who are genuine in their desire to bring joy to others.

In my humble opinion, living an amazing life means leaving the world a better place than you found it. There are endless possibilities on how one may accomplish this. You can donate money or time to a charity. You can work hard to be the best spouse, parent or friend you can be. You can look to bring smiles to as many faces as you can on a given day. You can pick up trash. You can feed birds. The list is truly endless. We could do a different thing every day and be good for an entire year. Once you see, or feel, the ways you are improving the world, your heart will be happier too. When you are gone, and there is one less person working to make the world a better place, even the undertaker will be sad.