Tag: Self-Help

EVERYONE HAS A MILLION PROBLEMS UNTIL…

This could not be more true! When I am on my way to work in the dark of 4am, and the temperature is well below freezing, I think to myself, “This would be a lot worse if I were sick.” Our health is one of those things we not only take for granted, but seldom notice until it is gone or compromised. The irony of this is that our health gives us so much to be grateful for. This is true even when it is not perfect. For example, I have a bad heart and breathing issues that I will have the rest of my life. I could lament this daily. It would be true and reasonably justified. What would that get me? A life feeling like I was somehow a victim. It would put a dark cloud over every day. Instead, I am grateful that they do not always crop up and that there is still plenty I can do despite them.

In addition, the challenges that our health occasionally provide is a great reminder not to take it for granted. It is also a reminder that to a large extent we have control over our health. It is said that up to 90% of disease is lifestyle driven. Therefore, despite what big pharma may wish for you to believe, our health is not the result of proper pharmaceutical regimen, but one of a healthy lifestyle. The healthier we live, the less of their products we will need. It will not only help our health, it will help our wallets as well!

 

Another benefit to focusing on the health we do have and what we are able to do, is that it improves both our physical health and mental health as well. We see our health, and our lives, as one of possibilities instead of one of limitations. This will not only reduce our stress and increase our inner peace, but will provide us motivation to continue our journey of health both mental and physical. Gratitude is one of the best prescriptions for health you can take. By appreciating our health, we are less likely to take it for granted.

Next time you find yourself focused on one of the challenges of your life, remember to pause and appreciate the health that you do have. When you are feeling down because your health is not where you want it to be, remember to be grateful for the health you do have. This will not only lift your spirits, it will open your eyes to opportunities you may miss if you were only focused on illness and problems of life.

JUDGE EACH DAY BY THE SEEDS YOU PLANT

Another great quote from one of my favorite Stoics. How many of us judge the success of our days, or our lives, by how much we harvest? How much money did we make? How much power and influence did we earn? Did we get that promotion? Did we get affection and love from our partner? Did our friends praise us? Not only does this cause stress, it can make us a self-centered jackass. If only there was a way to handle our life and decide whether it was successful that was less stressful and moved us closer to becoming the best version of ourselves.

There is! That is how many seeds we planted. What on earth does this analogy mean? Looking at the examples above, let us figure that out. How much money did we make? What if we instead looked at how much we invested? What we did that may help us earn money in the future? Did we review our budget? Did we get that promotion? How about the work we put in that will separate us from our coworkers and show what a valuable employee we are? Setting us up to earn promotions in the future? How much power and influence did we earn? This is a tricky one because it is rarely understood by those looking for power and influence. One of the best ways to get both is to find as many ways as you can to be of service. The more you can give to any situation, the more valuable and significant you are. Next we can combine the relationships of our intimate partner and our friends. Why? The solution is pretty much the same. If we are looking for love and affection, or we are looking for praise, we must ask ourselves what we did to earn it. I can tell you on a personal level, when I do something that will bring joy, peace or love to my Margie, my heart soars! Not only that, I usually receive a healthy dose of love in return. When I can do something to help my friends, or express genuine appreciation for them, it results in a reciprocation. That is not the reason you should do it. Always be genuine, but the best way to earn the respect of others is to show them respect.

One important lesson of all of these is that you have little control over how the harvest of your life turns out. Just like growing crops, some years will be better than others. What you have entire control over is the seeds you plant and how well you take care of them. What do you think would be less stressful, putting all of your energy and importance into the harvest, over which you have no control or the planting over which you have complete control? Ask yourself what seeds have you planted today.

I AM SO SHOCKED!

As I write this post, the amount of gratitude I am experiencing cannot be put into words. The purpose behind this site is to help leave the world a better place than I found it. To that extent, every new tool and strategy I learn is shared and discussed with anyone who wishes to join our community. In addition, when I come across something that would uplift, encourage and empower others, I share that as well. Working together we can uplift each other and the world at large.

As you can see by this chart, we have had the most successful year since inception. Over 27 thousand different people have viewed this site over 34 thousand times. To me, that is not an accomplishment to boast about, but one to be grateful for. The driving force to continue to make this website, and all of the material I put out, a success is to help more and more people. We all need a little uplifting and someone to lean on now and then. Many of us do not have that person in our life, or we may not feel like we do. This site is designed to be that person in as many lives as possible. It is my sincerest desire that the sense of community we foster here will be taken into the communities of those who read it.

Speaking of communities that have viewed this site, you can see the countries that have shaded in green. I am overjoyed that so many of our friends across the country of China, the continents of Africa and South America have checked us out this year. Not sure how to reach our friends in Greenland, but we will keep trying. My point is that we were in over 200 countries this year and on 6 of the 7 continents. I hope that in each one of these the sense of community moves from online to in person. That is an aspect we will work on in 2026. The lessons we share here are done so freely and openly. It is all about each one of us working to become the best version of ourselves in whatever journey we are traveling.

The more I speak with people across the globe, the more one this becomes clear. No matter what separates us geographically, politically, or culturally, we all share many of the same ambitions and many of the same challenges to those ambitions. We also have the same desire for community and connection. In 2026, we are going to work on strengthening that connection to all of our friends around the globe. One great way to do this is to hear from all of you in the comments. I do my best to respond to each and every comment left here or on our corresponding Facebook page. We are so excited that we got to serve so many of you this year and look forward to being of even more service next year! Thank you again from the bottom of our hearts here at Secret2anamazinglife.com.

YOU NEVER KNOW YOUR BALANCE, SPEND WISELY

After reading the quote in this picture, there is not much to say, but yet you could spend forever pondering it. We will spend a little less than forever but spend a little time pondering the virtues of spending our time wisely. Looking at time as a currency certainly gives it more value in many people’s eyes, which is ironic in itself. Can you imagine spending money never knowing how much you had? You could wind up with a bunch of worthless junk and not enough money to afford food and shelter. Sadly, this is how many people do live.

I often look at life like an hourglass. The sand only goes one way and it is always flowing. That is like our life. Our years are flowing from the top to the bottom. We can do things to slow the flow, but there is no putting the sand back. In addition, it is as if the top of the hourglass is covered. We never know how much sand we have left. Try looking at an hourglass and pondering this. Even a little timer that comes in a boardgame will do. Watch the sand flowing and realize the time you have left is doing the same. This should not make you sad, but create a sense of urgency.

We only have so many more tomorrows. How many, none of us know. That is why wasting our time on senseless gossip or the destruction of others is not only a vile use of our time, but a waste. There is a cliche that says, “Every minute you spend in anger is 60 seconds of happiness you lose.” That might not be it exactly, but you get the idea. We must use our time in ways that not only serve our peace and development, but that of those we care about. Doing things to help the world live in peace and harmony is a good use of anyone’s time. How about you? How are you spending your time?

PREMEDITATIO MALORUM – YOUR KEY TO SUCCESS 🙌

What is this Latin phrase that we mentioned in the title? It literally translates to “the premeditation of evils”. What that consists of is mentally rehearsing troubles that we may encounter so that when they do arrive, we are better prepared to traverse them. Taking it a step further, it is often experiencing voluntary discomfort in order to prepare for life’s unexpected discomfort. This may all seem a little over-the-top for those not well-versed in the philosophy of stoicism, but it makes sense in a practical sense as well. Let us explore both.

Mentally preparing for life’s hardships takes some emotional investment. What it pays off in is an increase in gratitude and appreciation for the life you already have. Let us demonstrate by example. When you first wake up, try to imagine life without someone you really care about. Think about the inability to speak with them. The lose of companionship. Missing their smile. Really do your best to feel how you would feel if they were really gone. When you realize how much you would miss them and how much your life will change, you will be more likely to appreciate and see the value of that person and far less likely to take them for granted. This is not only true with people. It can be the same for a job, a pet or even a car as we will see in the next example.

This is a picture of the front of my 2024 Rav4, after meeting with a snow bank. On my way to work I hit some black ice and the car swerved into a snow bank cracking the bumper. This did not, in any way, improve my opinion of winter. I also have a 2005 Ford Escape which I use to transport our DJ equipment on Sunday. Ironically, it handles far better in the snow. As I dropped this car off to be worked on, I was grateful to have the other available to take with me to work and back.

There are some major differences. My 2024 has automatic start, heated seats and even a heated steering wheel. When, at 4am, I leave for work it helps me not mind the cold as much. In fact, I was getting used to how it felt only having to brave the cold a few feet from house to car. I was starting to take it for granted. Well, now I am driving my older car. No automatic start or heated anything. I leave the warm house with the hot lady and get into a cold car. The car happens to stay that way for the first several minutes of my journey. Just to make sure the point was driven home, mother nature decided to give us temperatures of – 5°F. When my new car returns, it will be quite some time before I take all of the heat for granted.

How many things in our life are like this? The fancy new car becomes our car. The promotion we worked so hard to get eventually becomes our job. It is not until things are taken away that we really appreciate them. This is the benefit of practicing voluntary suffering. By submitting ourselves to being uncomfortable for lengths of time, we not only appreciate comfort more, but are less phased should it be taken away.

This Stoic principle may not seem like the most enjoyable to engage in, but it will make you far more grateful for the rest of your life and better prepared for any challenge that life may throw at you. I would recommend engaging in it today.

ONE OF YOUR GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENTS

We speak at length how to accomplish many things in life. Goals, aspirations and relationships. One of our greatest accomplishments can be found in the relationship we have with ourselves. Is it a truly authentic one? This also plays into our relationship with others. Are we confident enough to be ourselves in the company of  others? In a world of social media highlights and filters, being ourselves can seem like less than everyone else. Here is a newsflash we all may have forgotten, there can be a competition. Here is why – we are the only person we can be. Nobody can be us, and we cannot be them. We could strive to do so, but we cannot only end up a cheap copy of the real thing.

That should be liberating to hear. When people, including our own brain, think we should be further, they are forgetting that each person has a unique journey that travels at the speed that is right for them and their lives. The only person whom we should strive to be is a better version of the person we were the day before. This takes courage and resiliency of character. If we are able to be ourselves in a world that is trying to change us into something else, that is one of the world’s greatest accomplishments!

YOUR 2 CHOICES

We touched on this a little earlier in the week. You really do have control of your mind. It doesn’t come easy. That is especially true if you have be letting it run the show up until now. Things like declaring your intention to have a good day no matter what the world throws at you in the mirror first thing in the mirror, go a long way to taking back that control. How else can we regain control of our minds? One word that always comes to the forefront is gratitude. Taking a few minutes each day to focus on all we have grateful for is a method to start to take back that control. If you do this at the end of each day, say by writing a few things in a gratitude journal, your mind will subconsciously be looking them throughout the day without you even having to tell it to.

Another method we discussed a while ago is the method of accomplishing goals. That is writing your goal on a top of a paper and taking an hour a day, five days a week, to come up with as many ideas on how to reach that goal as possible. Not only will you be focused on your goal in that hour, your brain will begin to bring to light ideas in the oddest hours. Meaning that in the background, our minds continue to work on that goal as we go about our day. This ‘goal’ could mean many things. How to improve our health, our relationship, our career, or even our sense of inner peace.

Make your mind work for you. It is up to you to take back control of your mind. Once you do, it can help you accomplish things beyond your wildest imagination!

THINK ABOUT THIS MONDAY MORNING

Here we are at Monday again! Seems like there is 52 of them a year. So many of us dread Monday. It can be understandable. Back to work, away from the family. You can’t sleep in and spend the day drinking coffee and relaxing with those you love. Unless, of course that is your job. In which case, please let me know where they are hiring. On Monday we have obligations to meet. This time of year we might have some weather to contend with. There are far more challenges than on the weekend.

This quote from the Dalai Lama reminds us that despite our challenges, or often including them, the gift is to be alive. We need to change a little mindset on a Monday. Instead of asking ourselves how we can make it through, I feel we should ask ourselves how we can make sure not to waste it. If we adopt the saying from the Dalai Lama above, we will begin each day with both gratitude for the gift of being alive and an intention to make something out of that gift of life we have been given. This may not always lead to a successful day full of joy and dancing unicorns and rainbows, but the chances sure will improve with intent.

This may seem a bit over-the-top for some of you. It really shouldn’t be. Our lives can be one phone call, one diagnosis away from being flipped upside down. I do not think any of us could argue that. There are people in the hospital wishing and praying for the life we know have. There are people who would have gave anything to make it as long as we have. Their life may have been tragically cut short. Yes, we all have challenges and things we need to overcome. That is part of life and what helps us grow and discover new and wonderful things about ourselves and the world around us.

As for the intent portion of the equation, how much better would our day go if we looked in the mirror and declared that we were going to have a wonderful day no matter what the world threw at us? It is admitting that things may not go according to plan, but we still can maintain control over our emotions. I recall reading Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. In that book he describes his experiences at a Nazi concentration camp and how he managed to maintain control over his emotions. Dare I say, we will not face something so grave, but we will still face our share of challenges. It may seem like wearing rose colored glasses when we claim we can maintain our inner peace and joy despite outside circumstances, but that is not so. We can still admit we would desire things were different than they were, but that there are still many reasons to be grateful the way things are. Even if, as the quote above says, it is the gift of being alive.

WORK/LIFE BALANCE AND CHASING RABBITS 🐇

I had the great pleasure of going to the “Best of Milwaukee” party as my lovely lady’s bakery was nominated for 3 different awards. While there I met a new friend who was also an entrepreneur. As we talked, some familiar topics began to creep up. As a business owner she struggled with work life balance. Wondering what was the key to keeping her family healthy and happy as well as keeping her business thriving. She was just wondering how to get to that happy place where both had her best and were doing equally as well.

You do not have to be a business owner, or a mother to find yourself in this position. Although, I believe that emotionally that may be one of the toughest combinations. Many people try their best to balance work and life. Does it not seem that just when you are getting your career on track, your family feels deserted? When you work to increase the love and connection with those you love, you find your bank account is near empty and your career or business is suffering. That is because we have been lied to. We have accepted a truth that does not exist. That false truth is work/life balance.

In order for us to feel satisfied that we have done our best in any area of our life, we must feel we have given 100% of ourselves to it. If you give 100% of yourself to something, how much does that leave left over for any other area of your life? That would be zero. Although that truth does not sound as satisfying as achieving some sort of nirvana work/life balance, it is how the human mind and heart operate. Our joy at our success in the area of achievement will be tempered by a feeling of guilt to those areas we have neglected. This is especially true of high achievers who wish to be their best at everything. Best parent, best business owner, best parent, best spouse or best friend. As the picture above alludes to, you cannot chase two rabbits and catch both of them.

As dismal as this may sound, it is also very liberating. Knowing that it is impossible to be amazing at everything all at once eliminates the pressure of having to be. We should still have the desire to be the best version of ourselves that we can be, and it all the facets that we can be. How do we manage that? One way to do this is set times for each area of your life. Give 100% of yourself to that area in the designated time. Then when the time comes to move to another area, give 100% to that area. You will be giving 100% of yourself, but still setting limits as to not burn yourself out. Also, especially if you are a high-achiever, set a designated time to give 100% to active self-care. If you do not take care of yourself, you will not be able to give to your family, business, job or spouse. The better shape you are in, the better you can give.

Another thing to consider is that each area of your life will experience peaks and valleys. It is not a reflection of a failure on your part. It is the natural way of things. Sometimes your business will be suffering and need a little more of your time. Take note that I said ‘more of your time’ and not ‘all of your time’. If you neglect one area for another, you may find yourself running from fire to fire in your life always feeling like you are failing. It may be hard to take a step back from an area that is not at the level you are striving to get it, but it is essential for creating that balance. The most difficult area to do this is self-care. When your business and family need some attention, you can feel guilty taking time for yourself. It is so important to remember that even a little time giving 100% to self-care can allow you to come back with a better ability to serve the area of your life that needs it.

That is not to say any of this is easy. There will still be days you may feel like a failure in some area of your life. It is merely a sign you care. Now that the more you set defined boundaries and take care of yourself, the better your life will be. The balance is in not trying to do it all at once. Keep in mind there will be peaks and valleys and play the long game. You got this!

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU WHO READ THIS! ❤️

I seldom share data like this, but here are the stats for this website for the year. As you can see over 24,000 of you have viewed this site over 30,000 times as of the writing of this post. That is the second most views and the most people since inception. If you would have told me a mere moth ago that we would have reached this many people, I would have had a hard time believing you. It is my sincerest hope that we will continue to reach, inspire, motivate and encourage people from every corner of the globe, which brings us to our next data point.

It may be a little hard to decipher the colors on this map, but everything in shades of green is where are site has been viewed this year. As you can see with the exception of Greenland and a few countries in Africa, we have been viewed pretty much everywhere. Not only does this make me proud, but it highlights a very important point for all of us. That is that self-improvement is universal. I have had the pleasure of chatting with people all around the globe and am constantly reminded that although we are separated by borders, culture and politics, our basic human needs and desire to be better versions of ourselves can be found no matter where you call home.

I mention that point because we all deserve to encourage and help each other on the journey. It also gives me great pleasure to hear from those of you who read this blog, so always feel free to comment or message us your thoughts and ideas. We at Secret2anamazinglife.com want to serve our global community and leave this world a better place than we found it. Thank you all for support and I look forward to having the honor of sharing everything I learn with you.