Tag: Self-Help

HOW DO YOU VIEW THE RAIN?

This is a great challenge for all of us. The example of the rain is something we can all wrap our heads around, but it holds true in many examples of life. When something challenges our life, we often see it as something bad. Sure, life may not be the way we had planned or even wished for. If we look close enough, we will find some good that came out of it. There are several examples that come to mind when I think of this. While our own life may not seem as grand as the examples that I am going to reference, the principle is the same. As you read the following words, think of how you can apply them to your own life.

One of the people I really enjoy listening to is the Dalai Lama. His story in a nutshell is one of tragedy turned into triumph. Before him, the Lama was a sacred spiritual leader in Tibet. They lived in a palace and had very little worries. They were often disassociated with the common people. When China took over Tibet, the Dalai Lama fled with many of his followers. The made a long and dangerous journey into India. Through that, the position of Lama changed. He became someone that could relate to many more people. He was thrust into a position of importance. Without the invasion, many people would not have heard his words of compassion and wisdom.

Someone quite different from the Dalai Lama, but whose story has challenges just the same is David Goggins. Growing up, David’s father abused both him and his mother. They ended up moving to a different state where David faced racism, and more abuse. As you can imagine, this impacted his ability to learn in school and to develop as an individual. One day he realized that there was nobody to save him. That propelled him to take control of his own life. He lost over 100 pounds in 3 months, became a Navy seal. He became an ultra-marathon runner. Even running 8 100-mile races on back to back weekends. Now he shares his story online, in person events and his 2 books that he wrote. The challenges he faced in life could have been an excuse but instead became his source of motivation.

On the surface, these two men seem to have little in common. When we take a step back we see that the rain that might have ruined their picnic, ended up helping a part of them grow that would not have otherwise developed. What challenges in your own life can you put to use? What can you learn and develop in yourself from the challenges you have faced? What credibility do they give you?

Every challenge we face gives us choice. Will we define what this challenge means to our life and put it to work for us or will we let the challenge define us? Quite often, the more pain we survive, the more opportunity we have to help others. How do you view the ‘rain’ in your life? Do you use it to fuel growth or do you use it as an excuse not to grow?

I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW…

Recently, while writing these posts, I noticed that this site had passed a total of 3000 posts. This is post number 3009. That means, if you were to read a post a day, you would have over 8 years worth of reading. The funny thing about this was this milestone was reached while we were busy celebrating a month of gratitude posts. We were so busy creating content that will help us all live an amazing life that we did not even notice we had reached 3000 posts. This brought up a point that I think would be good to revisit.

In our own life we often take time to criticize others. The people who you do not hear doing this are those who are working hard to make the most of their life. Why? Time spent saying something judgmental or critical about someone else is time that could, and should, be used to better your own life. Next time you are tempted to be critical, ask yourself a few very important questions. Is what I am about to say beneficial to me in any way? Would the time I am about use making this statement be better served working on improving my own life? Is my own life perfect? The answers to these questions should be pretty obvious for most of us.

If you want an amazing life, your focus should be solely on your own life. What can you do to become the best version of yourself? Here is a fact that may seem sobering, but can also be liberating. You will never be the best version of yourself. The more we learn and experience in life, the more that we can grow and develop. In the world of self-improvement there is not a finish line. That means there is opportunity to improve every day. When we spend time being critical of others and the life they are living, we are moving further away from becoming the best version of ourselves. We are sacrificing improving our own life to put another life down. It makes no sense and in counter-productive to becoming the best version of ourselves.

THANKFUL FOR CHANGE

There are so many of us that have a negative view of change. “Why can’t the world just stay the same?” they ask. They wish they could go back to a less chaotic time. They look at the past through a sort of rose-colored glasses. Remembering when they could leave their doors unlocked and not worry. Remembering when kids played outside and talked to each other instead of just staring into their phones. They see criminals and social decline everywhere. Being the age I am, I have seen the transition from one of these to the other. I grew up in an era before cell phones and the internet. I would not change that for anything, but it does give me a unique perspective. Change, although it can be scary, it not only constant, it is necessary.

Do you know what else I remember as a child? More graffiti in public restrooms. Less ability to communicate with people halfway across the room. Memories not being captured because someone forgot the camera or they could not see if the picture turned out until the film was developed. I also remember things like cancer and aids being a death sentence. Advances in medicine and technology have saved, or prolonged, many lives that would have been cut short.

Even in more personal examples, change helps us grow and evolve. In my own life I have seen my share of jobs lost, people pass away and health challenges. At the time, I thought “I wish things would not change.” Every time there is a part of me that grows and evolves to rise up and meet that change. Something that would not happen if the change had not occurred.

I understand that change can be scary. It is not always bad, and most often helps our growth more than comfort. Can you think of a change that may have seemed scary or bad at first that you would not undo? One that helped you grow into the person you are today? Change is something that we can…well…change our view of with the addition of gratitude. If you spend a week recording a change a day that you are grateful for, you will realize that if life stayed the same it would not only get boring rather quickly, but ultimately we would not grow or evolve.

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING YOU CAN DO TODAY

Who would not want a more beautiful world? These days things are getting a little ugly in many places. We can feel helpless to make any real change. Most of us are not leaders of countries. We are not those who make laws. We do not lead religions or are not celebrities who have millions of followers. Considering these facts, how can any of us hope to make changes that can make the world a more beautiful place?

The answer can be found in our own lives. When we think about who made the greatest difference in our life it was not the government or a celebrity. No. It was usually a kind word from a friend. Perhaps an encouraging word from our parents. A supportive and loving word from our partner can change our life. Even random kind acts from strangers have a greater impact in our life.

The point is simple. If you wish for a more beautiful world, then spread kindness and love to all you meet. It is those interactions that change people’s lives.

EXPLAIN TO YOUR BRAIN

Last post we discussed how self-discipline can help us start our day with a winning attitude. Many people struggle with self-discipline. In a world where almost everything can be a push of a button away, it can be hard to understand the importance of delayed gratification. What is even more difficult for many to understand is why we must do something that we deem uncomfortable or undesirable even if it leads to success later on. A friend of mine once told me, “Why would I want to work out? It makes me sore and I feel fine sitting on the couch watching movies.” That may be true in the moment, but which behavior will we wish we would have acted on ten years down the line?

The answer to that question should be fairly obvious. We would be a lot better off taking care of our health, even if it means a little discomfort in the present. A less-than-enlightened coworker of mine was remarked, “Why should I care about improving my life? We are all going to die. Just like lemmings jumping off a cliff.” Not only is that statement a very depressing outlook on life, it overlooks one important point. We are all lemmings jumping off that cliff. This is metaphorical. I do not believe any lemmings read the post. If we are all going to die what is the point of living? How about to have the most fun we can on the way down that cliff? We should work to squeeze as much out of our life as we can.

Reminding ourself the importance of why we must work to become the best version of ourselves is key to self-discipline. When I think about not wanting to work out after a long day at work or not wanting to write, I think about my beautiful lady and how she deserves to have the best version of me. I think about all of you who read these blogs. There have been several people who have told me how much they impact their day and their life. Would I rather sit in the park and watch the birds on a lovely day? Absolutely. Could I do that after writing for an hour? Yes indeed. When I look back on my life I want to be proud of the life I lived. I can only do that if I exercise my discipline.

TRY THIS IN THE MORNING

This seems like a pretty obvious thing to do. Who would not want to start their day with some positive thoughts? We can all agree that thinking of healing, big dreams, thinking of things that make us happy and picturing our own success would start our day in a good fashion. How come more of us do not do that? Did you do it this morning? I woke up at 4am for work and I can tell you that I made coffee, brushed my teeth, got dressed and got out the door with just enough time to make it to work on time. Why did I not spend at least a few minutes thinking these thoughts?

The reason more of us do not begin our days in a deliberate way is twofold. First, in today’s world most people tend to be reactionary. We wake up and look at our phones. We wake up and listen to the news. We let outside circumstances determine the trajectory of our day. Many of us do not realize there is any other way to live. This is how our parents lived and more than likely their parents too. Is there anything stopping from taking time to decide how to live our life? The answer to that question brings us to the second reason that most of us do not begin our lives in the way the photo above would advocate.

The second reason is the same reason that I did not begin my day with thoughts that would set me up for a happier and more successful day. Looking at the fact that I get up at 4am, have a 35 minute commute and have to be at work at 5am, you may think the reason is time. No, that is the excuse. Yes, I do have to hurry to make sure I get everything done and out the door in time. What is preventing me from spending 5 minutes thinking some positive and productive thoughts? A lack of self-discipline. Could I wake up at 3:55 instead of 4? Sure. Would 5 minutes less of sleep make that great of a difference? Could I have some mantras written out so I could read them to get my mind right? How about a vision board with pictures of my goals or things that I am grateful for? Could I put all of these things in a little binder and have it sitting by the coffee maker to grab and spend a few minutes looking at?

The answer to all of these questions would be ‘yes’. It would not take much to make such a binder. Even to put a few inspiring affirmations on some sticky notes on the bathroom mirror. All it takes is a little self-discipline. Once these items are done, having a morning that begins with empowering thoughts is almost on autopilot. The notes, binder or whatever method you choose to use are right there for you to look at. It becomes part of your morning. Just like making a cup of coffee or brushing your teeth.

It is time for us to stop waking up in neutral and letting the world determine what kind of day we are going to have. It is time to take control of our own destiny and determine our own level of happiness. No phone, no news until we take time for ourselves and our emotional well-being. Are you with me?

MAKE YOUR LIFE MORE ENJOYABLE

This, on the surface, may sound a bit material. I take it with the humor it was intended to have. In other words, life is better when you have something to look forward to. It does not have to be packages. If you are buying too many things, you could get yourself in financial trouble and your house could end up looking like an episode of hoarders. Same with vacation. Trust me, I would take a 6 month vacation twice a year if I could. It would make paying the bills a little tricky.

You can manage these. Small gifts to give to others are nice packages to receive. Even consumables that you can afford for yourself. A vacation doesn’t have to be a tropical getaway. It should, in my opinion, but it doesn’t have to. A weekend away with that special someone or a getaway with friends can be just as exciting.

The important part of this message is to always have something to look forward to in your life. Margie and I pick days to read together, watch a movie or maybe go to the movies or a special place for dinner. Many of these do not cost anything but a little time and commitment. The payoff is that we always have something to look forward to and makes getting through the day far easier. How about you? What are you looking forward to in life? Can you plan something fun?

WHEN YOU HAVE ONLY 2 MONTHS TO LIVE…

Take a look at someone you really care about. Now imagine what that person would think if you were gone. What kind of memory would you be for that person? Would you be endless enjoyable and loving times together? Would they recall ways in which you hurt them with your words or actions? Would they know how you truly feel about them? This not only holds true for people younger than you such as your kids and grandkids. We never know when our time is up, or could be called into question at the very least. These moments could be just a phone call away.

That may sound a little dark to some, but that does not make it any less true. Any moment you spend with any person could be the last one you spend together. It could be something as simple as one of you moving away. There have been some friends that I have personally had in my life that come to mind. You think you would get together and suddenly you are thousands of miles apart. Yes, you can still email, call or even have a video chat, but is that really that same? I think we can all agree it is not.

This idea really came to my attention when I had my heart surgery. It was November of 2021. My surgery was scheduled for the following January. Margie and I were out enjoying a movie. Foolishly, I had consumed too much coffee and had to run to the gents. While in there it occurred to me that this could be the last movie we ever see together. My heart surgery was far from a sure thing and there were some serious risks associated with it. I began to picture what life for Margie would be without me. Would she remember our moments together? For how long? Would they be loving memories or would she just be filled with pain and regret? It then came to my attention that I had two months to make sure I loved her the best I could. That was not a great deal of time.

Obviously, I made it through. There was a brief flirtation with death along the way. That whole journey can be found in my third book, The Beat Goes On. It would have been nice to have more time. The tricky part is that we never know how much time any of us have. Something could happen to us, or the other person. Then all that is left is the memories and it is too late to change them or add to them. Think again of that person you care about. If you or them were gone tomorrow, would you be a good memory? What can you do today to insure that?

A SELF-IMPROVEMENT TOOL I LEARNED FROM A URINAL?!

This title sounds like an April fools joke. It is, however, April 2nd. The picture is what I was shown when I inquired where the men’s room was when Margie and I were in Jamaica. This, I also thought was an April Fools joke. Except is was February or March. Which month I wasn’t sure, but I was sure that men’s room was where everyone could see me conducting my business.

What does all of this talk about men’s rooms have to do with self-improvement? It came down to a conversation I had with a friend of Margie and mine. He asked me where I had been. When I informed him I was using the gents, he asked me a question that had never been brought up before. “What urinal did you use?” I stared blankly not sure if this was an opening for a joke. It was not. “The one nobody else was using. ” was my honest answer.

He went on to explain he only used the one in a corner so nobody could sneak up and jump him. I have had a few odd things happen in the men’s room, but I have never been attacked. Never really considered that as an option. This man had obviously had different life experiences than I.

That’s when it occurred to me how different every aspect of life can be based on your previous life experiences. This is not just true of where you conduct your business in the men’s room. It can be whether you see challenges as something to stop you, or as opportunities. Whether you see the glass half empty or half full.

Another important aspect to this is that by listening to other’s experiences, we can change how we view something completely. I still do not look for the safest bathroom, but I can appreciate having that outlook.

It is for this reason it is important to surround ourselves with a variety of different people. Each one brings a unique perspective formulated by their unique life experiences. It is also important to consider whether their unique perspectives can add to your life or detract. How does this relate to your life? Has someone ever completely changed the way you look at an area of life?

WANT AN AMAZING LIFE? REMEMBER THESE 2 THINGS.

On the journey to become the best version of ourself and live an amazing life, we have a tendency to overcomplicate things. If you want to discover the secrets to an amazing life and remain motivated to become the best version of yourself, it boils down to remembering two simple things. I even carry a coin that has both of them printed on it. The first can be seen in the photo above. Momento Mori. This is Latin for “Remember you must die.” It is a reminder that our time on earth is a finite and depreciating asset. Just the other night I was listening to a stand up comedian who mentioned someone said to him, “Look at this picture of me when I was younger.” He replied, “Every picture of you is when you were younger.” That is both funny and profound. Even in the digital era were pictures are captured and can be viewed in seconds, we are still that much older. Another way to look at it is that much of our life has already slipped away.

Time passes by in the blink of an eye. Above is a young me and the current me. Shocked and blessed I made it this far, a brief flirtation with death not withstanding. Chances are that over 50% of my life is already gone. Even the time exchanged for typing these words are minutes I will never get back. That is why it is so important to consider what we exchange the time for in our life. It is a our most valuable commodity and one that is constantly depreciating. Knowing that will hopefully spur us to use it wisely. Does that mean we should lock ourselves in our house and try to live the safest life we can? That brings us to the second thing we should remember. The one that is printed on the opposite side of my coin.

How do we make the most of our life as it continues to slip away? That brings us to the second thing we should remember if we want to live an amazing life. Memento Vivere. Latin for “Remember to live.” Do the things that feed your soul and not just your wallet. Worry more about the smiles on the faces of those you love than the bottom line on your bank balance. Spend time noticing the flowers and not just driving to work. This may all sound a little like ‘living with rose-colored glasses’. That is just a term the unenlightened use to describe those who have found the secret to falling in love with their life. It is often said with jealousy and envy. They are unable to get past the outside circumstances that challenge our emotional well-being.

Remembering to live is more than changing our actions. It is a change of mindset. It is seeing everything as the miracle it is. Helen Keller once famously said, “Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all.” Think of when you were a young child. Your life was one big adventure. Adventures contain ups and downs. If we are sheltering ourselves from living life to the fullest either out of fear or in an attempt to cling to the fictious feelings of comfort and security, we must know we are leaving a lot on the table. We are either enjoying life or we are wasting it. Even the struggles of life come to bring us lessons and experiences we could experience no other way. Be grateful for them as well. Develop an attitude of gratitude. Realize that life happens for you and not to you. If these concepts sound like positive thinking hype to you, realize that your cynical thinking may be preventing you from living life to the fullest.

When it comes to living an amazing life, keep it simple. Remember these two things and use them to propel your life to the successful level you deserve.