Tag: Self-Help

USE THE DEMONS TO BUILD THE TEMPLE ðŸ›•

In both the Testament of Solomon and the Talmud, it was said that King Solomon enslaved demons and forced them to build the temple. As most of you know, this blog is not about religion or what you believe. This story can be interpreted in a way that I feel can help us lead a far more disciplined and productive life. What can a king from over 2000 years ago help us discover secrets to an amazing life? More importantly, what can enslaving demons to build a temple teach us about creating a successful life today? Plenty. It is all in how we look at this story.

Let us take a look at what temple you are building. Certainly, there are many different kinds of temples. If everyone in the world built a temple, would that not require a great deal of real estate? Even if just everyone reading this blog built a temple, I fear it would cost some wonderful four-legged friends we share the planet with their homes. Lucky for us, the temple does not have to be a building. Unless of course that is the thing you actually do. In the modern world, your temple can be anything you are building to honor the life you have been given. It can be a fit body, like the couple above. It can be an amazing cake like my lovely lady creates. It can be a clean house, a healthy relationship, or even writing a fourth book like I am endeavoring to do. What you are working on is your temple.

You might find yourself at this point asking, “Can I really summon a demon to help me make it to the gym?” The answer is both yes and no. For those of you that are frightened by this whole prospect, let me assure you that we are not talking about engaging in diabolical behavior and summoning some demonic creature with wings and a tail. In some ways these demons are a lot closer, and to me, a lot scarier. The demons are the parts of us working to sabotage our success. It is what some people refer to as the “Dark side of humanity.” There are some who say it is best to bury and pretend our dark side does not exist. Not only is this a fool’s errand, but if you do not get control of your dark side, your personal demons if you will, they will get control of you at the worst times. Let us take a look at what I mean by this.

Who are these demons? They are the dark parts of us that often hold us back in life. It could be the demon of anger that causes us to say hurtful things to our spouse in the heat of an argument. It could be the demon of distraction that keeps us from focusing on our goals. Did I mention that I am still working on my fourth book? As you can see, fighting these demons is a daily job. It is not simply ‘resisting’ them. It is acknowledging them and then using that energy they take for constructive purpose. If you get angry during a heated disagreement, say to your demon of anger, “I see you tempting me to tear into this person. I am not going to let you destroy another relationship in my life.” Then use that energy to go for a run, or dive deep into improving the quality of your relationship. How about that all too present demon of distraction? Trust me, this one is everywhere. We even carry it in our pocket everywhere we go. I can’t tell you how tempting it is to practice my chair dancing skills when a good song comes on at the coffee shop I am supposed to be writing at. In this case, I say to that demon of distraction, “I see you there trying to shift my focus.” Perhaps I use that energy to focus on completing 1000 words so I can dance to my hearts content?

I do not know what demons you are currently facing. It could be distraction, laziness, procrastination. There are so many that do there best to keep us from building our temple. Whatever that successful life looks like for us. It is in acknowledging that dark side of us and using the energy it contains to push us one step closer to an amazing life. This is not easy. It is a daily fight and a difficult struggle. The rewards are the amazing life that we deserve. Do not give in to your demons. Use them to build your temple!

WHY YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE

This is one of these messages that can be tough to read and even tougher to experience. Comfort can be a great thing and is the goal of many people. As wonderful as comfort is, it can prevent us from growth and many experiences that will bless our lives and give us the power to help others. Maybe it is the job or relationship that you stay in despite knowing that it is not for you. It isn’t bad, but it is not helping you grow. Your job may be draining your soul, but it is paying your bills. Sometimes the universe knows that you could make a far bigger impact if only you trusted yourself to move on from what is not serving you.

I cannot count the times that this has been true in my own life. Far too often growth only happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing. Growth and increase are often uncomfortable. When we leave certain elements of our past behind to become a better version of ourselves it can be scary, and yes painful. Do you know what is even more painful? Coming to the end of our lives and being filled with the regret of all the growth and change we could have experienced and helped others do the same. We failed to take the actions needed because we would have rather remained comfortable.

I experienced this many times. Starting this blog in 2012. It was uncomfortable to admit how much I did not know about creating on online presence. The following year I became and author by publishing my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People. Writing books can always be a scary and uncomfortable experience. Starting a YouTube channel, a podcast and many of the other things I have done in my life were created by a feeling of being uncomfortable with how my life was. The initial feeling of discomfort was not fun, but it was necessary to facilitate the change needed to improve my life and bring the next iteration of who I was to become.

In your own life do not fear discomfort. Embrace it for the change it may be bringing you. Ask yourself if that discomfort may be pushing you to experience a season of growth and increase that comfort may be preventing you from taking the actions to achieve.

HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED TRUE WEALTH?

There are so many guides to create success and abundance out there today. Even this site has many posts dedicated to improving your state both materially and financially. Why? In today’s society material wealth will help you create change, improve your health and provides many of the things we need. It is far from the greatest wealth. If you have great financial and material abundance but do not have peace in your soul, your life will be one of stress and misery. The old cliche that ‘money cannot buy happiness’ has a ring of truth to it. If you are not at peace with who you are and the life you are living, no amount of material wealth will make you happy.

One way to certainly add inner peace to your life is to do what the quote above says. That is to simply live with honor towards other people, animals and the earth in general. What does ‘live with honor’ mean exactly? It is not a subject often discussed at length today. Honor may be a word that seems dated. It should not be. Mutual respect towards all, especially those who are different or that we disagree with, is such a challenge many would rather not even think about it. It is that respect that can allow us to sleep well at night.

Mutual respect can be as simple as not causing harm to anyone. This is far more than not slapping that annoying coworker over the head. Harm can be gossiping behind someone’s back. It can be littering on the planet we all share. Yes, that also includes treating others harshly. This can be true even to someone who we may feel deserves it. Have you ever ‘gotten the better’ of someone in an argument and still felt terrible that night or the next morning? That is annoying isn’t it? You had the right to tell them off like you did, but it sill is eating away at your gut. That is because a lack of compassion, even for those who do not deserve it, is not right.

We never can completely know someone’s intent or the experiences or stories that have resulted in the actions they have taken. Another important point to consider is that it is not our right to judge. We do not deserve to be judged by others anymore than we have a right to do the same. Next time you feel the urge to gossip or say something hurtful, ask yourself the simple question “Would I like this very thing to be done to me?” The answer we know before the question is even said. If we cease to do this to others, will it still be done to us? Yes, sadly it will. That is not our concern. There is a saying that “What others think of you is none of your business.” While I think it could be helpful to learn if you are doing something that hurts others, I think it would be more valuable to work on making sure our intent is true.

If you want to be truly wealthy, take a pause from the investments and get rich quick schemes. Instead invest on the things that money cannot buy such as compassion and respect for others and for ourselves. Invest more on building inner peace than you invest on building your real estate portfolio. The dividends will be greater and you will end up with true wealth.

WHEN YOU JUST CAN’T SEEM TO CHANGE THINGS…

We discussed challenging times in our last post. If you haven’t had the chance to read it, perhaps it would serve you to do so after our time is finished today. The above quote was from a man who was imprisoned in a concentration camp in the second world war. That may be one of the most challenging situations to survive. Still, survive he did. He went on to write one of the most powerful books I have ever read, Man’s Search for Meaning. In this book he discusses how each inmates view of the future impacted his rate of survival in the camp.

I do not think any of us can imagine going through something as awful as one of those camps. That being said, the world today is not always an easy place to live in. The constant barrage of negative information that we are fed through the media can crack even the toughest shell. The price of even the most basic items seems to rise daily. Not to mention the price of the dreams so many of us hold dear in our hearts. All of this can lead to feelings of sadness, helplessness and depression. When we feel that our life is in a downward spiral and we have no control over it, what can we do then?

It is then that we are often faced with the pressure to make one of the most difficult, yet powerful, changes in our life. While it is true there are a great many things that are beyond our ability to control, there remains one that is. That item over which we have complete and utter control over is ourselves. The man or woman who stares back at us in the mirror is both our greatest responsibility and our greatest opportunity. The reality is that we cannot control a great deal of our life. Instead of putting our energy and focus on outside circumstances, we would be much better served putting that energy on improving ourselves.

This is in no way a judgmental statement. For this is something I must remind myself of daily. As many of you know, I struggle in the winter months. The lack of sunshine and cold weather seem to do a number on my ability to enjoy life as I should. It is easy to spend the day bemoaning the weather. Do you know what that does not change? The weather. That energy would be better spent working on self-care and projects to keep my spirits high. Your lament may certainly be different than mine, but one thing is certain, improving ourselves will improve every area of our life.

When you become a better version of yourself, every area of your life improves. This is not only true of an author with a raging case of seasonal affective disorder, but of everyone. When we focus on improving ourselves, even those situations over which we have no control will seem to fall more in line. At the very least we will be better equipped to face them.

SUCCESS IS STUMBLING

I have been involved in the world of self-improvement for over two decades now. I have seem many people, some with the best of intentions, try in vain to improve their lives. Why, when someone is so enthusiastic about improving their life do they fail to do so? It has to do mainly with their mindset when beginning the journey. Our attitude at the onset of a task has a great deal to do with the outcome. Sometimes more so than the circumstances in which we find ourselves surrounded with. That is why it is so important to get this right. To make preparations for the journey before we begin. You wouldn’t go for a long hike without making sure you brought enough water would you?

What is the proper mindset for self-improvement and what preparations should we be making? I think the quote from Mr. Churchill above gives us a few answers. To begin with, we must understand that improving our life is not a linear journey. There will be peaks and valleys. When some experience a setback, they feel that their journey is not working. The setbacks we experience in life often are some of the best teachers and provide knowledge we cannot gain in any other way. We need to prepare for them. We need to do more than understand from an intellectual standpoint that they are coming. We need to prepare for them emotionally as well. How you do this will depend a great deal on you as an individual.

Some things that work for a great deal of people include, but are not limited to the following. One of the most powerful things you can do is to understand your ‘why’ for improving your life. What happens if you do not improve your life? What happens if you stay the same? This might be a good time to scare yourself a little. Does your family have a history of cancer or heart disease? That might be a good motivation to stay in shape. Then there is the other side of the spectrum. What will happen if you do succeed in your efforts? Will you gain the respect and admiration of your spouse or family? Will you have more energy to play with your children or work on your passion project?

You must also create ways of maintaining your enthusiasm. This can be planning little rewards for yourself when you reached certain points of your self-improvement journey. If you are trying to lose a good amount of weight, make sure to honor yourself along the way or it may feel like you will never get there. It also includes giving yourself a little pain when you mess up. Just make sure to not beat yourself up so bad that you feel like giving up. If you binge on a couple of doughnuts after a month of eating good? Yes, realize you made a mistake, but also realize that maybe you used to do it once a week. Keep your enthusiasm. Keep working towards your goal.

One of the main things you can do to assist in this is to keep your goal in front of you. This can be something as simple as an affirmation on the bathroom mirror or more involved like a vision board. Keep your reason for maintaining your effort in front of you too. It could be a picture of your children, your husband or wife. Whatever the reason that will make you push harder when much of you is telling yourself to give up. Make these preparations, and develop this mindset at the beginning and the journey will be a lot easier.

SUPER SUNDAY… SUPER POWER

Today we play the Super Bowl here in the United States. It is one of the most watched sporting events. Ironically, or tragically, instead of bringing people together, it has seem to create a lot of division. Not only about this team or that, but even now about who plays the musical entertainment during halftime. Rather silly if you ask me. There is something a great deal of these people are missing and you might be too. That is your super power.

In these times of crazy politics, division and in many places all out war, people have grown weary. It can be a chore every time you come across the news. I find myself missing the days of my youth. Then we were all full of energy and a good amount of blissful ignorance. There is a great difference between being informed and inundated. It can be hard to escape the world when it comes to us in so many different forms. There is of course social media which can be found on our laptops, cell phones and many other places. There are friends, family and coworkers. We hear things on the radio at work and the television in the waiting room at the mechanic. It can leave you exhausted.

There are two scary facts about this situation. First fact is that the news and world events are not going anywhere. It matters little what party is in power or what time of the year it is. Media will continue to put the big scary stuff in front of us because it sells. The media is not about making sure our emotional well-being is taken care of. There are not even really about bringing us information. Much like any other business, the media is about making money. The way you do that is to get people addicted to viewing their platform. The way to do that much of the time is through fear.

The second, and perhaps scarier fact, is that all of this fear and exhaustion takes a toll on us. This may not be a shock to many of us, but it is worth spending a second to think about. The toll is physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. It can lead to much more than living in a state of exhaustion. It lowers our ability to fight disease. It will increase the chance of conflict between ourselves and others. After all, who hasn’t reacted poorly just because you were exhausted? It reduces the amount of joy we can experience even in the good times. I don’t know about your life, but in my life there are far too many amazing people to enjoy fully that I do not want to show up already out of gas. It is like working yourself to death for a vacation and when you get there you are so tired you sleep through it.

Many of us feel like we are sleep walking our way through life. The cure is to use our superpower! What is that superpower? Self-care. That might sound soft of cliche to some of you, but reserve your judgement. Let us use our vacation example. Would you rather show up to vacation drained with no energy or would you like to show up ready to experience and fully enjoy all the vacation has to offer? Why should your answer be any different for life? Life becomes more of a job and less of a vacation when we are constantly making our way through it running on empty. That is why self-care is so important. Taking time for it should be a requirement, not a luxury.

Many of us are afraid to turn down a social obligation or use a mental health day at work because we think it will make us look weak. Making yourself a priority allows you to show up bringing your best self. That is a gift you can give your boss and more importantly, your friends and family. Self-care is different for everyone. Someone may need peace and solitude. Some may need to meet a friend for coffee. I personally enjoy a chair on the beach next to my lovely lady. Whatever your definition of self-care is, make sure you not only make it a priority, you schedule it. When people know you have an ongoing date with your self-care, they are more likely to respect it. Take care of yourself and you will be far better prepared to take care of others and the world around you.

THEY ARE ALL TEACHERS

It can be hard to deal with some challenging people. Maybe they are always negative and complaining. Maybe they are impatient or judgemental? One way to look at the situation is ask yourself, “What can this person teach me?” These answers can range from ‘how to be patient’ to ‘what not to be like as a human’. Either way, every negative person in our life brings us a gift in the form of a teaching. We should not miss the gift just because we do not like the wrapping paper.

We will end this on a positive note. Think about how grateful you are for the people who bring light and medicine to your life. This can be someone who always listens. It can be someone who always brings a smile. There are people who just make us feel better by their presence.

Everyone is a teacher. Which kind are you?

GET DEEP

This post should be coming to you from the Luxury Bahia Principe in Runaway Jamaica. Alas, due to the hurricane last year, our hotel was unable to open. Sadly, we were not told of this until recently. We certainly wish them well and look forward to visiting the country in the near future. Now the time we had planned to escape will be dedicated to spending time loving each other at home.

The reason I bring this up today is that is goes along with the quote we are featuring in today’s post. Just as life should be measured by depth and not length, so should the experiences of life. It may not often work out like we had hoped, but it is more about making the most of how it did work out. The Stoics have a saying – Amor Fati. It translate to ‘love fate’. It means to fully embrace the situation that we find ourselves in. This is not to say I am not grumbling a little about my trip being canceled, but instead working to find the pluses in the situation. It gives me some more time to work on my beach body. This I believe I last had in 2013, but we will get there. It allows me to save some money for an adventure while I am there. Perhaps the weather will be more to my liking? Apologies to the love of my life who likes it a little cooler.

We must work to make the best of every situation we find ourselves in. We never know when the length of our life will end, so we should make it as deep as we can. Enjoy every coffee with friends, every romantic night with your spouse, and every warm ray of sun. In addition, find ways to enjoy situations you face daily. Your daily commute? Find ways to add depth to that. There are some great suggestions in my book Living the Dream. You could listen to a life-changing audio book. Look to find things you love as you drive along. Muse things you have to be grateful for. Do not like your job? You and 87% of others are in the same boat. Find ways in which to add smiles to your coworkers and customers. Look for ways in which your job matters. Be grateful for the opportunity to work. Many would give anything to have a job.

Adding depth to life is not so much about changing circumstances as it is about changing mindset. Adding gratitude and being present can add a great amount of depth to your life. Keep in mind the Stoic phrase Amor Fati. Learn to embrace the life you are living while striving to make it better. We never know when the length of our life will come to an end so we owe it to ourselves to make it as deep as possible.

USE YOUR GPS!

I like this quote. It is an easy way for us to think when we encounter a challenge in life. It is much like encountering a closed road. We would not throw our hands up and abandon the trip. We should do the same for our life and our goals. We can adjust the route. Maybe take a detour, but keep our eyes on the destination.

This year, let us embrace the detours and see what we can learn along the way. Success is never linear. When we experience a delay, it is not a denial. It just may be a detour. Although these are seldom appreciated at the moment, it may be just what we need.

THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP? ELEMENTARY MY DEAR WATSON

One of my best skills, and the one I am asked about most often, is the ability to develop rapport with others. For years I recommended reading How to Win Friends and Influence People. That is my favorite book and I have read no less than 10 times. It has some great clues, but did not give the full picture.

Dale Carnegie was not the relationship master I had solely drawn from. The other was notorious for not having good relationships. Clues were exactly what lead to this revelation while I was in the shower moments ago. It seems that is where all of our good thinking happens.

One of my favorite movies of my youth was Young Sherlock Holmes. It gives the childhood back story of one of the world’s greatest detectives. That, my friends, is exactly what creating rapport and fostering great relationships takes! You must become a great detective.

In Sherlock Holmes stories and movies, he always tells you the observations and assertions he uses to solve a case. People are one big detective case in themselves. The more we observe to learn, the better our chances of  a great interaction with them will be.

This can be noticing small details such as what their clothes can tell you. Are they using their right or left hand predominantly? What turn of phrase do they seem to use often? They may not give us all of the answers, but can give us clues to explore.

We could spend hours breaking this down, but instead I encourage you to try it out today. Give yourself two distinct challenges. First, pick a person you do not know that well. It could be a person you run into in a service capacity, a coworker or anyone else. Make as many observations on them as you can. Take mental notes and see what they can tell you by putting them all together. Tougher still, try doing this with someone you already know. See what things you can learn that you don’t already know. The better you know them, the tougher the case, but the bigger the rewards!

Treating relationships as cases to be solved may sound rather crude, but it can lead to an astounding deepening of connection. It may also surprise you with how many things you miss. Clues that can make cheering them up, buying the perfect gift and growing closer to them easier than you could ever imagine.