We touched on this a little in the last post. We should endeavor to bring something to the lives of everyone we touch. It could be just lending an ear to someone who never feels heard. One of the best things we can do these days is offer an uplifting and encouraging message to everyone. The world seems in dire need of such things. There are few universal truths in the world. I think wanting to bring something to the life of everyone we meet is one of them.
Some of you may think you do not have much to offer. Let me assure you that nothing could be further from the truth. Everyone of us have our own unique perspective and our own unique skills that add something to the world. It can be an ability to stay calm in the midst of chaos. It can be the skill of finding the positive or humor in any situation. Again, the ability to truly listen to someone. Not just to reply to them, but to truly understand them is a priceless gift.
Starting today, whenever you interact with people, think to yourself, “What can I bring to this person’s life?” Approaching our personal interactions with the question “What could this person really use right now?”Will allow us to bring our relationships to the next level and improve the lives of all of those we come in contact with. How do you bring something special to those you interact with?
Here is a thought I had inspired by bishop T.D. Jakes. I might have mentioned my sources are vast and varied. In a sermon he was giving, he said a line that struck me. I was reminded of this line the other day while pondering the meaning of life in the shower. That line was simply that people often do not open the gift because they do not like the wrapping.
To me, this means that often our greatest blessings grow from our greatest pains. In my own life, I know when I found myself at one of my lowest points, I met the woman who would, and continues to, change my life in ways I could never imagine. I do not think I could have learned, or more to the point appreciated, the gifts that she gave me without going through the pain I did. Many of my wounds in life were self-inflicted. To a point, I think we can all claim that. We look back and wish we would have spoke and acted different. In reflection we can see that sting of regret is often the catalyst to improved outlook and behavior.
There is a big difference between reading something in a self-improvement book and feeling the emotions of going through it. If we could look at our life from afar, I am sure none of us would choose painful experiences. However, those are what often lead us to the greatest blessings. Think about your health. Who thinks that they would like to put their body through months of soreness and stiffness? Nobody. Who would love to be in great shape with lots of flexibility and energy? Everyone.
I have heard this quote many times. It is so true in what we are discussing. Another place this shows up is in the struggle to break free from addiction. It is a hard and daily process. Everyone wants to be free of their addictions, but it can be too much for many to go through the long and difficult process. The gift is worth it, but the wrapping is not appealing.
You may not be fighting an addiction, or struggling to get in shape, but life has so many gifts that we overlook because the wrapping in which they are contained can appear as pain or struggle. One last important note. Many of us through away the gift after struggling throw the wrapping. Asking ourselves what is the gift in our pain can transform our life. It may be nothing other than being able to relate to, and help, others who have gone through the same pain. When you do so, you will discover what a great gift that is. It is one that could not be accomplished without the pain.
How true is this statement? In everyone’s life, there have been moments that seem so dark we want to give up. It can feel like our life is over, that there is little hope. If we hang in there, things can turn around to a surprising degree. It can start with a Crack of light in the darkness, or dramatic like a sunrise.
The cliche that it is always darkest before the dawn rings true for a reason. Maybe it is the dark that allows us to appreciate the light more? Perhaps it encourages us to be more attentive to what we should be grateful for? Regardless of the reasons, we can experience some of our greatest moments after our darkest days.
Next time you find yourself in the bottom looking up, think of the cliche about it being darkest before the dawn. Clichés become Clichés because there is some truth to them. I’ll leave you with this quote from one of my favorite poets. Think of yourself as that bird.
This post comes out on a Monday. It would be a great day to start these practices. Then again, any day is a great day to fall in love with your life. There are 2 ways to look at this. The first is spelled out in the picture above. Make sure to include the little things that bring you joy in your life. Your favorite coffee, your favorite music and time with your favorite people or at your favorite place. It is important to be present for these. One of my favorite coffees to have on the way to work in the morning is Dunkin. It is smooth and good to sip on while your body wakes up. The tricky bit is that my mind is often a few minutes away from waking up as I am on my way to work. I can easily finish a cup of coffee before I even realize I am drinking one. I have to make a point to sip it and be grateful for the experience. Gratitude is a great way to be present.
That leads us into the second way to fall in love with your life. That is to see the magic in it. How do we do that? Think of when you first fall in love with another person. Everything they do is magic. Oh, look at the way he takes out the garbage. Oh, when she opens the pickles she looks so cute. Everything they do is magical and you fall in love with it. Eventually, it becomes common place and the magic seems to fade. That can happen with life as well. That is why children seem much happier than adults. How do we get that magic back in our life and our relationships? One word – gratitude.
When you stop to appreciate even the smallest things in life, you begin to see the magic in them. When I stop to really appreciate that sip of coffee at 4am, trust me when I tell you I can see the magic in that. Same with my relationship with my love. When I pause to appreciate all of the little things about her, it creates magic between us. When was the last time you paused and let your partner know that you appreciate something about them? Take a second, look them in the eyes, and say “I just wanted to let you know how grateful I am that you ____.” Think of how you would feel if they did that to you? The more you offer genuine appreciation, the more magic you create. Just make sure it is always genuine.
This is EXACTLY the same way it works for life. Stuck in traffic? Say out loud, “I am sure grateful that I have a car to be stuck in traffic in.” Happen to catch a glimpse of the sunrise as you are coming in to work, or the sunset as you are coming home? Instead of lamenting about work, try being grateful for the beautiful scene you are witnessing. The more often you offer genuine appreciation for life, the more magical it will become. Again, just be genuine. I would love to hear some of the things you are grateful for. The more we share, the more we can inspire each other.
I am sure hoping this is true of all of us. As we go through life we learn more and are exposed to more. If we are healthy, and have an open mind, we grow. This can often come with a change of mind. It does not mean that we were necessarily ‘wrong’ before. It just means we have more experience, knowledge and wisdom to make an informed decision with. If we never change our minds or behavior, that would mean we have not learned a single thing throughout our lifetimes! That is not the kind of person I would like to be known as.
One of the fun things about learning is that you can always become a better version of yourself. At home you can become a better spouse, lover and parent. At work you can become a more productive employee and more supportive coworker. At the gym you can become more efficient at working out. You could become a more informed and healthy eater. There are so many ways in which we can change and improve. That is not a negative reflection on who we used to be. It is a positive reflection on who we are. How about you? What things do you say or do differently now than you did in the past?
Here is something to wrap your head around as the week progresses. We only know a fraction of reality. That does make the ones who act like they know it all seem even more foolish. My point is that we often do not see the result of our positive actions. We cannot see energy. If we get in touch with our intuition, we certainly can do a better job at feeling it. Like when you walk in a room and can just feel the tension.
There is the discussion of auras too. You know, the energy fields that exist around each one of us. That explains how when you first meet someone you can tell that you will hit it off. I recall first meeting the love of my life and just knowing that we were bound to do something magical together. At the time, I would have never guessed it would be getting married and spending our lives finding new ways to love each other, but here we are.
Next time it feels as though life is falling apart, just remember we cannot see the big picture. In fact, we can only see a small portion of the picture. Think of how much more your dog can smell than you can. We are missing a large portion of what the world smells like. We cannot fly like birds. We do not have the eyesight of an eagle. You get the idea. Next time you feel like life is totally going against you, do not give up. What we can’t see might be our blessings coming right around the corner.
This post is a bit of an uncomfortable truth for all of us. Quite often we are looking outside of us for that magic key that will help fix everything that is wrong in our life. The hard truth is that many of the things holding us back are created by the person who looks back at us in the mirror every morning. Yes, that is not fun to hear, but it is absolutely true. Have you ever felt like you have 25 hours of things to do in a day? That you are running around crazy busy? One of the best ways to discover how to get more things done is by being honest about how much time we waste. “Not me!” I hear lots of you say. We all waste time. Seneca, a great stoic philosopher, once said, “It is not that we have a short time to live but that we waste a lot of it.” This guy died in the year 65. That was long before social media, Netflix and reels!
A great way to get a handle on our time, discipline and focus is a tool that not many are brave enough to do. Are you? For at least 2 days straight, write down what you are doing for every minute of your 24 hours. You may think, “Well I only watched a few minutes of Tik Tok videos.” Only to discover that you watched ten minutes of them…10 times. You may think you took a break to watch a little of your favorite series you wanted to catch up on. Only to discover it was 2 hours out of your day. Think of all you could have got done in 2 hours? This is not to say that you cannot have any fun throughout the day. Just that we must realize the pressure and stress we put on ourselves through our lack of self-discipline.
A quick solution for this is to set timers for your ‘breaks’ throughout the day. You want to watch some reels? Ok, set a timer for 15 minutes. Otherwise 2 hours later you will find yourself watching a cat drive a truck down the freeway stressing on how you can never get caught up on your housework. This happens to me while trying to write a book often. I am a social person by nature. This can be difficult for an author where you must spend a great deal in solitude writing. So, if I am working on a difficult chapter and a friend, or a beautiful blonde I happen to be engaged to, sends me a message, my brain will subconsciously tell me “This is a lot more fun.” Next thing you know I have had a 20 minute text conversation and have not typed a single word.
Yes, I enjoyed those conversations, but I will continue to be stressed with the lack of progress. It reminds me of the quote from Jim Rohn, “Discipline weighs ounces and regret weighs tons.” Yes, it takes discipline to put my phone away and work. The upside is that I will not be kicking myself the rest of the night for the progress I lost. Try writing down what you do for every minute of the day if you are brave enough. Be honest. What you discover may help you live a more productive and less stressful life.
This title may sound a little like hype, but let me assure you that I do not believe it is. This is not a method I have read or heard about anywhere before. You may be the first of your friends and family to try, and to benefit, from it! If you recall a few posts ago we discussed the idea of never losing, just winning or learning. We took that famous quote from Nelson Mandela and tweaked it a little to become even more powerful. Today we are going to take it one step further by including a practice to help you in developing a shift in mindset.
In case you missed that post, we will give you a quick recap. We discussed a quote from Nelson Mandela, “I never lose. I either win or learn.” In life we can learn the most when things do not go right. In that way, even some of our darkest moments can facilitate some of our greatest growth. If you know anything about myself, and this site, we seldom stop and good. We tweaked that quote to say, “Lose or win, I will never fail to learn.” If you are only putting this mentality to work when you lose, you could be missing out on a great deal of information that could help you positively transform your life at a much more rapid pace.
How can you develop this mindset? It can be hard to think “What can I learn from this?” when you are in a severe negative emotional state. Just like a great many things in life, the answer lies in starting a daily ritual that will begin to train your subconscious mind to look for lessons in any experience in life. Just like any new habit, it may seem a bit like work in the beginning. That is because our brains do not like doing anything new. Stick with it, and soon it will not only become automatic, it will begin to lead to magical changes in your life.
Here is this simple ritual. All you need is a pen and a notebook. If you have read any of my 3 books, available on Amazon, you will realize how much magic we can create with these simple 2 tools. Keeping it simple, here is all you have to do. At the end of each day, before you drift off to dream land, grab your pen and notebook. In it, list one good thing that happened that day, and one thing that falls south of the ‘good’ category. Underneath, or beside each one, list at least one thing you have learned from each situation.You can do this at a different time of the day if it will make it more likely you will stick with it. The benefit of doing it right before sleep is two-fold. First, that is one of the times our brains are most susceptible. The other is right after we wake up, but that is a tough time for many of us without trying to start a new habit. The other reason this is a good time to do it is that it gives your subconscious mind something to work on as you sleep. Thus, making it even more powerful.
Like we mentioned earlier, if a different time would make it more likely you stay consistent, go with that. You can also try listing more than one of each situation, or listing as many things as you can that you learned from each one. At the beginning, I would start with one of each type of situation, and one lesson learned. Once you see the magic this brings to your life, you will want to increase both. You will benefit in two very important ways. First, you will be gathering lots of lessons and information learned. This, by itself, will help you grow and improve your life. Second, you will begin to train your mind to look for lessons in every situation in life. Before long, your mind will begin to do this as events occur. I would recommend sticking with this practice even after that point.
How powerful will you be when you can mine lessons out of every situation in life? That way nobody, or nothing, can stop you. Your life will be on a constant upwards trajectory! Even when it looks like you have suffered a setback, you will know that you learned something and that you are moving forward. There will be more about this in my upcoming fourth book. Until then, I would love to hear your experience using this strategy for improving your life.
It can be difficult to look back at moments in our life and not cringe. I’m not just talking about some of our fashion choices in high school either. No, there are choices we made, be they actions or words, that change our life. This can often be not for the better.
It can be tempting to look back and have feelings of regret, despair and even a little anger with ourselves. Sure, a giving ourselves a little pain can make sure we do better going forward. Still, I heard Les brown say “If you are mad at yourself for something in your past that you would no longer do, than you’re convicting an innocent person.
Like we discussed last post, if you learn, it is all part of life. Now, about those high school fashion choices…
That sounds like a great life. Never lost, just win. Also sounds a little impossible. Looking at this quote from Nelson Mandela, we can see it is not only possible, it may be easier than we think. Whatever life throws our way, we can use it to our advantage. That’s why I would like to tweak Mr. Mandela’s quote a little bit.
“Lose or win, I will never fail to learn. – Neil Panosian
Did I really just quote myself? Yes. The reason why is simple. This is a mantra I have used, and continue to use to put my life on a never-ending upward trajectory. Whether my life is in a peak or a valley, it is always improving.
How do you accomplish this continuing and never-ending improvement? Through a change in mindset, but even more simply, asking a simple question. That question is “What can I learn from this?” When you learn your life improves. You can learn in celebration. What went well? What skills did I use to create that success?What bad habits might I have avoided that could have sabotaged my success?
We learn a great deal in pain and loss. Feeling the pain of losing a loved one, which can be the most painful, can show us how to better love those we still have in our life. Losing a job sucks, but we can learn how to develop new skills, be resilient and better prepared next time.
One of the most powerful situations to use this in (although I recommend using it all situations in life) and one of the situations with the most dramatic returns is intimate relationships. Think of it. You do something that lights your partner up. What was it? What about that thing you did or said affected them so greatly? You did something to hurt or disappoint your partner? You can learn from that. What not to say or do. What hurts them and what emotions may get triggered.
Bonus learning – try looking at the opposite of situations to gain twice the knowledge. That way you can improve your life twice as fast. The successful times can teach us about failure, just as hurt and pain can teach us what truly brings us joy.Get the most out of each moment in life and you will get the most out of your life in return.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 