Welcome to day 5 of our 30 days of gratitude! Today we approach another one of the five senses. We looked at smell earlier in the week. Today we are looking at what sounds we are grateful for. Do you have a certain sound that calms you down? Perhaps one that energizes you? In my first and second books, I took about creating a ‘happy playlist’. This is a collection of songs that help to improve your emotional well-being simply by pushing play. It may not solve your problems, but it will put you in a better state to deal with them. Sounds are not just music as we will see. Let us take a look at some of the sounds I am grateful for, and hopefully you will add yours as well.
Many of you already know that I leave for work around 4am. If you didn’t, well now you do. This time of year it is pretty cold and quite. In another month or so, I will be greeted with the sound of birds chirping away. It reminds me that warmer weather is on the way and that there are creatures who are happy to be up at that hour. Generally speaking, I am not chirping, but you never know what could happen. When my lady and I are on vacation down in the tropics, you can hear all kinds of wonderful birds. When you sit out on your balcony late at night the sound is almost magical. Birds chirping are one of my favorite sounds.
Another beautiful sound is voices of those you love. In my life that could be the love of my life singing. The voices of those who come support us at shows or book signings. The laughter of friends when you are together or even the conversation when your mother and you go on a walking adventure. Hearing the voices of people you care about is such a blessing. It can be one that is fleeting as well. As we get older, many of us lose a little bit of that hearing. It makes what we do hear something to be that much more grateful for.
How about you? Are there sounds that you are grateful for? What are they? It could be your dog panting or your cat purring. It could be your child calling you mommy or daddy. There are a million sounds in the world today that we could be grateful for. The sound of a phone call or message from someone you love. What are yours? Let us know in the comments below.
Today we start a new week and a new month. I encourage you to start a new mindset and a new behavior as well. This one is simple, but not always that easy. Have you ever found yourself watching or listening to the news and getting fired up? Have you ever had your day turned upside down by the actions of a careless individual? Have you ever had someone do their best to start a disagreement with you? If you answered no to all of these questions, you must be living on an uninhabited island somewhere. Most of us have had at least one of these happen to us. It not only destroys our day, it destroys our inner peace.
You may be asking yourself what the big deal about getting upset is. There are several things that getting upset and sacrificing your inner peace will do to you. First, there is the physical cost. Higher blood pressure. Increased stress. What is the big deal about that? Let us look at the research. According to research 75 to 90% of all human diseases and illnesses are related to the activation of the stress system. Ponder that for a moment. On average, 8 out of 10 of your illnesses are because of stress! How much loss of wages and life enjoyment does illness cause? What is the long term damage? Chronic Stress is a significant contributor to such things as cardiovascular issues, cancer and diabetes. The first two being the top two leading causes of death. They all share the same common denominator – stress. Next time you are tempted to get fired up about an issue, stop and consider what that stress will do to you. Take a deep breath and say confidently, “My peace is more important.” By doing so you will eliminate almost all of your illnesses.
The second one is a little more obvious. Living a life where you are always getting pissed off sucks. It is rather cliche, but every minute you spend angry is 60 seconds of happiness you lose. You are not only giving control of your emotional well-being to these outside circumstances, you are also sacrificing your happiness for it. If that was not bad enough, you are never sure of how much time you have left. Morbid thought? Maybe. True thought? Absolutely. None of us are going to get out of this life alive. Those who will win the game of life are those who enjoy it the most. You certainly can’t enjoy it if you are letting outside circumstances and individuals determine your emotional state. If you find yourself angry, sad or depressed due to outside circumstances, start saying this mantra. Even if you are rather good at regulating your own emotions, I would recommend adding this mantra to your lexicon.
Your time on this planet is a finite and depreciating asset. Why spend any more of it sick, whether that is physically, mentally or emotionally, than you have to. We have seen that stress causes up to 90% of your illnesses. We have seen that the top 2 causes of death are related to elevated stress levels. Not to mention enjoying whatever time we have left of this beautiful planet, be that little or much, makes a lot more sense that sacrificing it for a negative emotional state. Your inner peace is more important than that. It is time to remind both ourselves and others that is the case.
This is a simple, yet powerful quote. In all of our lives we have had situations that have knocked us down. It could be a divorce, a sudden job loss, a health crisis or abuse of any kind. Most of the time, none of these are our faults. It is, however, 100% of our responsibility what we do with the situation that we are placed in. Eric Thomas said it best when he said, “It may not be your fault that you have been knocked down, but if I come back in a year and you are still laying there that is on you.”
In no way is this an attempt to belittle what you have been through. You may have been a victim of fate, the economy or even another person. That can be cruel and unfair. Whether you stay a victim is up to you. This does not mean it is easy. It does not mean crawling out of that situation will not be painful. What it does mean is that you have decided not to let them hurt you anymore. Every day that you use your circumstances as an excuse instead of motivation, you are giving power to them and taking away power from yourself. Yes, your boss may have fired you unfairly. Yes, the economic crash may have been brought on by rich politicians who could care less about the working class. None of that is your fault.
It is time to look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself these two important words – Now What? Your name was slandered by a cyber bully. Now what? You could seek revenge, which is a terrible waste of energy and can even end up adding validation to their accusations. Better option would be to commit to living your life in such a fashion that anyone who would speak against you would be the one to look foolish. You had no choice in the actions of the bully, but the responsibility in your response is all on you. Many people have had terrible childhoods filled with abuse that we can’t even imagine. Still, the responsibility falls on them to either heal or not. I am blessed to have friends who have took the painful journey of confronting their abuse, healing and now help others. I have seen others fall into a world of addiction and have their life end far too soon.
Whether we like it or not, there is no connection between fault and responsibility. None of what happened to you may be your fault, but your life is still your responsibility. This may seem unfair, but it is also terribly liberating and empowering. That means our past, as painful as it might have been, does not have to limit our future. It only will if we decide to let it. If you need help in your journey, reach out to a friend or a professional. Do not let your past determine your future.
My next book will address how to get out of the ‘wake up, pay bills, repeat, die’ cycle. How to get the passion back in your life. As such, I have been speaking to others a great deal on this very subject. Many different opinions as to the cause and the solution of this ailment have been put forth by people of all different cultures, creeds and races. The ironic part about all of this is that many of their answers share a common thread.
Why do we seemingly fall out of love with life? Why do we lose the zest and passion as we get older? More importantly, why do some seem to find it again while others never do? What can we do to get that excited to be alive feeling back into our own life? Asking many people this very question, the main point that came to light is that we do not spend much time pondering it. We often busy ourselves in routines that leave little or no time for contemplation or self-actualization. When was the last time you pondered this question yourself? When have you spent more than a few seconds wondering where all the joy and excitement in your life has disappeared to? What little spare time we have we seem to fill watching meaningless 60 second clips online.
The answer to this dilemma is a little counterintuitive. It can be found in the pictures above. Can you guess what it is? That answer goes by many names. Some call it comfort. Some call it security. It is sticking with the known routine instead of the fear of what could happen from pursuing a life that would be more fulfilling. How many people stay in relationships that are toxic just because they are afraid to be alone? How many people tolerate jobs they hate because they bring a steady paycheck? The answer is far too many. We trade the passion and excitement for perceived comfort and security. I say perceived because life, never mind jobs and relationships, are never a sure thing. Just because a company has been around forever does not mean it will be here tomorrow. In my lifetime, I have seen entire industries that have been here for decades or longer disappear seemingly overnight. I heard the actor Jim Carrey tell a story about his father deciding being an accountant was a safer bet than trying to be a comedian. Then he was fired from his accounting job. I am going to guess that job did not fulfill him either.
I am not advocating giving your boss the one finger salute and walking out the door because they do not give you a 6-month vacation twice a year. What I am telling you is that trading what sets your soul on fire for a preconceived notion of security amounts to spiritual suicide. If that spark in your heart seems faded or gone all together, the time to act is now! What do I mean by act? There are several actions you could take. Start a side hustle that feeds your soul. It could be creating content, bird watching or taking photos. Speaking of taking things, you need to take some risks as well. Nothing that will put you or those you love in danger, but try the things you are afraid of. They might not succeed at first, but you may very well discover the joy you have been missing.
Another thing you can do to recapture your zest for life is to do something that sucks. Again, it may sound counterintuitive but it breeds appreciation for the daily comforts you have taken for granted. There are things we avoid that could improve our lives because they are uncomfortable to do. Perhaps we are putting off writing that book that is inside of us because we just do not have the time. Make no mistake, you have the time. When you are in the middle of doing something that feeds your soul, even if it includes some discomfort, you find the time, the energy and the motivation.
Pushing through discomfort can actually become addicting. Not the act of going through the discomfort itself, but the pride you feel at the end of it. That is the tricky part. We avoid discomfort, but by doing so we also avoid the variety and excitement it brings. The sense of adventure. The pride we feel at the end. The quote above has been attributed to many people and is very true. “Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.” We want the accomplishments and the feelings that go with them, but we are afraid to give up the comfort we currently have to get them. Instead, we settle for some sort of purgatory where we have a false feeling of security, but we are not truly happy. That is why often those who lose their jobs, relationships or other important things in life and are forced to start over often wind up being happier than they were before. They are forced to deal with that discomfort and have the freedom to pursue what speaks to their soul.
Are you a slave to the comfort in your life? What would happen if the perceived security you thought you had crumbled? What have you been sacrificing in your life for comfort? Is there something in your life that must die for you to get to your heaven? Is that thing the comfort and security you are clinging too? Try stepping outside your comfort zone and see what happens.
Above is a rather sobering photo from our local museum, which is set to relocate later this year. If you look really close, you can also see my mother sticking her face into the group of other souls posing for the picture. One day both her and I will look like them.
Look closely at the photo. Study each of the skulls there. Now answer a few of these questions. Which one of those people were the richest? Which one was even the tallest or best looking? You might think these are stupid questions. How can you tell anything about a person after they pass away? We all look the same. That is the point I am making here. At a certain point, we all look the same. We all end up a pile of bones. In life, many of us spend an insane amount of time, energy and resources on looking the best, or standing out. In today’s world, everyone wants to be famous. That is all well and good, but ask yourself what you are looking to be remembered for. Is it looking like the next hot model or dashing gentleman? How long does that last? Maybe one of the skulls above belonged to a supermodel?
A better word to consider is legacy. If you want to be immortal think about what you will leave behind, not what you can take with you. Will you be remembered as someone who added something to the world when they were here? If you work it right, your legacy will outlive you. It is one of the main reasons I write this blog and my books and videos. I hope to reach, inspire and empower people long after I am gone. How about you? Again I am reminded of that quote from Denzel Washington, “I never saw a U-Haul behind a hearse.” You can’t take it with you no matter how hard you try. Therefore, your wealth for eternity will be more determined by what you give and not what you get. Consider this when you are looking to stand out from the crowd.
In preparation for my upcoming fourth book, I have been asking many people what they would recommend to others who have fallen out of love with their life. It happens. We are children full of excitement for the simplest of things, approaching each day full of passion. Next thing we know, we are on the ‘wake up, pay bills and repeat’ cycle. Daily life can feel like a job that we just have to make it through. That is no way to live! How do we fall back in love with life? It is doing many of the things we have forgotten or let slip through our fingers while we focused on our careers and making sure everyone else was taken care of.
For today’s post I want to reference an answer I received from congenial young man who works where I am writing this very post. His name is Anthony. I posed the question of what he would recommend if someone were to seek his counsel as to how they might get the passion for their life back. After a few days of contemplation, he came up with an answer that I think is nothing short of brilliant – travel! This is also a cure for a good many of our other ailments. Prejudice, racism, entitlement and disconnect can also be cured by getting out and discovering new cultures and new friends. Above is a picture of my lovely lady and I in Jamaica. We are with our friend that we made there, Stephanie. She was one of our tour guides and explained a lot of what the island was experiencing at the time. It is my hope to reconnect with her and see what has changed since they experienced that terrible hurricane.
Perhaps an escape to the islands is not in your budget right now? That is ok. There are ways that you can travel the globe without leaving your hometown. One of the best ways I have found is to explore authentic culinary experiences. Above are some examples of dishes Margie and I tried at an East Indian restaurant a little drive from where we live. It was about a half an hour drive, but it was so worth it. Not only was the food authentic, our server was a student here from India. He explained his hometown, made some recommendations and even told us about his schooling.
Of course it is not as good as actually traveling to a country, but it helps you get the flavor of things. The same can be said for ethnic fairs, markets, shops and any other thing you can think of. Finding a culture and exploring it more deeply can certainly bring the passion back into your life. We will expand on what else I have learned by doing this in just a second. Before that, I would like to share one more example of traveling without leaving your hometown. Part of my nationality is Armenian. I grew up not knowing much about the country, its people or their customs. Margie and I started going to an Armenian Festival a few years back. I was introduced to the pastor of the church who came from Armenia. We met for coffee and he explained many things to me I did not know. At the festival itself, there was Armenian music, food, ancient artifacts and other cultural items. Every year I learn more things and meet more people.
Here is what all of this traveling both abroad and in my own hometown has taught me. First, all people generally share the same challenges. There may be slight differences in how they are represented in their lives, but they are basically the same. Speaking of the same, most people around the world are loving wonderful people who have the same needs and desires. Everyone likes to feel significant, like they matter. It does not matter if you are in Jamaica or Greenland. There is also a longing for both connection and community. People like to feel connected and included. They like to feel they make a contribution to the world by being who they are. When you travel, you discover that everyone does. Knowing that we are all really one big family despite what certain politicians, news sources and others may try to convince you of, it helps you feel more connected and passionate about life. Thank you Anthony for this great answer! I urge all of you to travel today. Even if you have to do it in your own hometown.
You hear a lot of people say “Money cannot buy happiness.” While that is true to a point, there is something to be said for money as a tool to happiness. Hoarding money and the love of money for the sake of money can very well lead to unhappiness. Having financial security and even some to give and contribute to causes we believe in is a kind of happiness that can also give us some inner peace. So while money itself cannot buy you happiness, it can be used as a tool to add joy to your life and the lives of those you care about. You cannot go to a store, or any guru you may follow, with a large amount of money and say, “I would like to buy some happiness.” The way you choose to spend your money, however, can determine whether you are buying happiness or just things.
Take a look at what we spend money on. Will it bring us joy? For how long? A new car certainly can bring us a good amount of joy. It can make getting places a lot more stress free. It can have wonderful features for keeping us warm or cool, depending on our needs. If we feel the gratitude for that vehicle, it will bring us even more joy. Even a brand new car is a depreciating asset. Sooner or later, a new car becomes an old car. Then it may even take joy from us. The same can be said about most material things in life.
One of the more powerful things to spend money on that will lead to happiness is creating memories with those you love. Above is a collection of pictures that Margie and I took while on vacations. Although they are a good deal of money, of which I was grateful to afford, the memories bring us joy to this very day. It doesn’t have to be as grand as a tropical vacation. There are trips to the local State Fair with my mother that I recall. Once we just had iced coffee and sat in the sun enjoying a band. It was a great time and one that brings joy to this day. Whether it involves travel or just an experience, creating memories is a way that money can buy happiness. Yes, you can create memories without spending money, but today we are discussing ways in which you can use cash to create happiness.
Even more powerful at bringing joy into your life than a tropical vacation (wait did I just say that?) is the act of giving. I’m not advocating that you give away all of your money and live on the street, unless that is your jam, but hear me out. How can giving your hard earned money away make you happy? Seems a little counter intuitive. That is until you try it. From the simple giving a large tip to a server who deserves it or may be struggling, to the more elaborate sponsoring a wing at a children’s hospital, giving provides one of the largest sources of joy. When you give to a cause and see the good they do first hand, that brings you joy. As an author, I often like to give my books away to people who can use them. Yes, it costs money, but knowing I could have a positive impact in their life brings more joy than the profit I would make selling the book. Buying a friend a cup of coffee and letting them know you appreciate them will bring joy to your heart. One of my favorite examples is truly listening to someone and giving them a gift you know would make their heart soar. The money spent on the gift is nothing compared to the joy you receive by seeing their happiness.
Can you get happiness without money? Of course you can. Some of the best things money cannot buy. Still, money allows us to bring happiness into our lives if we use it as the tool it was meant to be. Ask yourself how can you use the money in your life, be it little or much, to bring a little more joy into your life and the lives of those you care about? I would love to hear some of your ideas!
We spent the last few posts discussing the power of gratitude. Today, we are going to discuss another emotion with a great impact in our life. That is the power of belief. What we believe will determine, to a great deal, what we will or will not do in life. If we believe that all charities are scams, we are unlikely to donate money to any cause. If we believe all people in life are out to get something, we may have a hard time accepting compliments as being genuine. You may have not stop to consider how your belief about other people’s motivations could impact your ability to accept compliments about yourself, but you can see how it would impact that.
This post is about another important belief, our belief in ourselves. Do you believe in yourself? Sure, it may have some to do with the situation. My belief in myself when it comes to speaking in front of others is a lot greater than dancing in front of others. For you it might be the exact opposite. What happens when that belief falters? There are two very important steps we can take to help us in just such a situation. This is not mere theory. Just today practicing the second of these steps allowed me to write when I didn’t think I had it in me. We will get to that after discussing the first step.
The first is to keep track of some of the great things we have done in our life. Especially if it involves overcoming any kind of challenge. David Goggins, one of my favorite speakers and authors, calls it the cookie jar. When you are young and you were upset, you could often reach in the cookie jar and pull out a cookie to make you feel better. Sadly, that may only work so well as an adult. The cookie jar we are talking about is the reminders of all that we have accomplished. Often when we think we would be unable to. David Goggins is also an ultra marathon runner. He was asked what he thinks about at mile 50 or mile 75 when his body just wants to give up. This was a question that interested me. Not only in terms of what the hell would you think about after running 75 miles? Also because it is a great metaphor for life. How often can work, family or relationship stress feel like running a 100 mile race? Sometimes running may even sound easier than what we are going through. Our belief in ourself may come into question. Perhaps the task is seemingly insurmountable or we have already made some terrible mistake? Then what? We need to go into that cookie jar in our brain and pull out one of those ‘cookies’ of our past accomplishments. When we overcame the odds or accomplished something great. We need to remind ourselves how awesome we are.
The second thing that is important to do is to surround ourselves with people who also believe in us. Sometimes we just can’t reach the cookie jar and we need someone else to reach inside and hand us a cookie. The more they know and care about us, the better they are able to do this. It is another great reason to put in the work to build and grow your relationships. It will come back to serve you as well. I promised you a personal example of this. The people in the two pictures above are myself and my lovely lady. I am the one with the facial hair in case you are still confused. We have been together going on 12 years. Just yesterday, I took her on a date. Why am I still dating my lady after 12 years? Here is why. Today I was having a bad case of writer’s block. I messaged her to tell her. Her response? “I believe in you. You are always so smart and patient.” Those few words gave me the belief in myself to write several blogs, including the very one you are reading. Having someone to believe in you when you are doubting yourself is not only a great gift, but why a relationship is a great responsibility. It is also why a beautiful sweet lady is one of the greatest gifts and one that I treasure.
Believing in ourselves allows to accomplish far more than if we doubt ourself. Taking these two steps can help us either develop or improve that belief. Keeping a ‘mental cookie jar’ of our accomplishments and fostering our relationships with those who do believe in us will help keep us going. As I was writing this, a new self-improvement tool popped into my head. It will be in the upcoming book, but you will hear it hear first. It may not be a bad idea to keep an actual cookie jar and write down your accomplishments to put in there. When we need that emotional ‘cookie’, it can be hard to come up with. Especially if we are in a negative emotional state. Having written examples of them will take the thinking part out of the equation and still help our belief in ourself. This certainly isn’t necessary, but does make the process a lot easier and more effective. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you add these two steps to your life to improve the belief you have in yourself. Use that belief to accomplish the greatness that is inside of you.
Around here many of us will be celebrating the holiday of Valentine’s Day. A day to show love and appreciation to that special someone in your life. Now there are some who take a more cynical view of this holiday and say that it is a “Hallmark Holiday” that corporations use to get you to spend money on their products. That can certainly be said of any major holiday. Just like life, I believe that a day can be what you make of it. Others say, “Why do I need a day to celebrate the person I love? Shouldn’t I be doing that every day?” The answer is of course you should. Life gets busy and sometimes love and romance can be pushed to the back burner. Having a day dedicated to love is a good reminder and just a great opportunity to spoil one another.
The 2 photos we shared make several good points. First, many are alone today and could be longing for someone to love. Make sure that you share kindness for everyone today. This day can also be a great reminder to spread love into the world. The second photo is one that I really enjoy. I am so grateful for the relationship that I share with my lovely lady. We are constantly growing and learning more about each other daily. The one tricky bit about this can be that when it comes to special days, we already are loving each other to the best of our ability. Just like many point out that you should. On a day that is set aside for love, how can you still make it special? In a world – connection.
Margie and I work hard on our relationship and always make time for date nights and appreciation. Still, just like many other well-intentioned couples, life can get the best of us. You work so hard and long that you collapse when you get home and barely see the person you share the house with. Before you know it, a week has gone by and you have only said a handful of words to each other. That is another reason that having a day dedicated to love is helpful. It is a reminder to take a step back and focus on each other and not the world around you. How do you do that? By increasing connection.
The question then becomes, “How can you grow connection?” This seems more difficult that longer you are together. This is part of the fun and work that goes into making a relationship not only last, but thrive. While I cannot speak specifically to your relationship, there are so many fun and creative ways to increase connection. It might be worth spending a few moments with your thoughts, and maybe Google, to come up with a few. I would love to hear what you did in the comments below. I just might use it in my own relationship in the future!
Today is a day to celebrate love. Do not fall victim to the cynics or to the corporate pressure. Give the gift of love to all you encounter. We never know what anyone is going through. A little extra love and kindness is always appreciated. If you have a special someone in your life, focus on gifts that matter. Gifts like growth and connection. How can you give those?
Today we play the Super Bowl here in the United States. It is one of the most watched sporting events. Ironically, or tragically, instead of bringing people together, it has seem to create a lot of division. Not only about this team or that, but even now about who plays the musical entertainment during halftime. Rather silly if you ask me. There is something a great deal of these people are missing and you might be too. That is your super power.
In these times of crazy politics, division and in many places all out war, people have grown weary. It can be a chore every time you come across the news. I find myself missing the days of my youth. Then we were all full of energy and a good amount of blissful ignorance. There is a great difference between being informed and inundated. It can be hard to escape the world when it comes to us in so many different forms. There is of course social media which can be found on our laptops, cell phones and many other places. There are friends, family and coworkers. We hear things on the radio at work and the television in the waiting room at the mechanic. It can leave you exhausted.
There are two scary facts about this situation. First fact is that the news and world events are not going anywhere. It matters little what party is in power or what time of the year it is. Media will continue to put the big scary stuff in front of us because it sells. The media is not about making sure our emotional well-being is taken care of. There are not even really about bringing us information. Much like any other business, the media is about making money. The way you do that is to get people addicted to viewing their platform. The way to do that much of the time is through fear.
The second, and perhaps scarier fact, is that all of this fear and exhaustion takes a toll on us. This may not be a shock to many of us, but it is worth spending a second to think about. The toll is physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. It can lead to much more than living in a state of exhaustion. It lowers our ability to fight disease. It will increase the chance of conflict between ourselves and others. After all, who hasn’t reacted poorly just because you were exhausted? It reduces the amount of joy we can experience even in the good times. I don’t know about your life, but in my life there are far too many amazing people to enjoy fully that I do not want to show up already out of gas. It is like working yourself to death for a vacation and when you get there you are so tired you sleep through it.
Many of us feel like we are sleep walking our way through life. The cure is to use our superpower! What is that superpower? Self-care. That might sound soft of cliche to some of you, but reserve your judgement. Let us use our vacation example. Would you rather show up to vacation drained with no energy or would you like to show up ready to experience and fully enjoy all the vacation has to offer? Why should your answer be any different for life? Life becomes more of a job and less of a vacation when we are constantly making our way through it running on empty. That is why self-care is so important. Taking time for it should be a requirement, not a luxury.
Many of us are afraid to turn down a social obligation or use a mental health day at work because we think it will make us look weak. Making yourself a priority allows you to show up bringing your best self. That is a gift you can give your boss and more importantly, your friends and family. Self-care is different for everyone. Someone may need peace and solitude. Some may need to meet a friend for coffee. I personally enjoy a chair on the beach next to my lovely lady. Whatever your definition of self-care is, make sure you not only make it a priority, you schedule it. When people know you have an ongoing date with your self-care, they are more likely to respect it. Take care of yourself and you will be far better prepared to take care of others and the world around you.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 