I hear a good deal of people lamenting the amount of stress they have in their life. In the photo above, there are some good points why that stress exists. Taking a few actions in our life can eliminate a great deal of stress. It may take a hard conversation or hurt feelings on the part of others, but that might be exactly what is needed.
Past relationships should stay in the past. If they continue into the present, it will only lead to trouble. It is like trying to drive while looking in the rearview mirror, you will eventually crash. Prioritizing your self-love is vital. The only person you are guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with is you. If you do not like the person in the mirror, there will be some sleepless nights in your future. Having to say ‘no’ to others to make sure that self-love is taken care of is important. How about envious people? Envy is a terrible emotion. The only thing we should have a strong desire for is to have a better life for ourself. That can only be accomplished by becoming a better version of ourself. People filled with envy often take actions that are immoral. You do not want to be involved in anything like that. You do not want to surround yourself with people focused on the lives of others more than they are on their own life.
As far as letting others have power over our life, it happens more often than you think. This quote above is an example. If you believe you are doing what is right and someone insults you, do you question or even change your course of action? Do you do things just for praise even if it may not be right for your life? Doing what is right and what will improve your life is more important than hearing a compliment from someone else. I know people that have to look online to see what is trending before they make a decision on what to eat, what to wear or a host of other things. Independent thinking is a sign of true strength. It also eliminates a lot of stress and a lot of resentment. When you let others have power over your life, you often resent them even if they are not aware of your feelings. All of this leads to stress you do not need.
As mentioned earlier, taking these actions may ruffle a few feathers. That is the price we must pay for a happier life and a greater deal of inner peace.
These days it would seem that some people relish seeing the downfall of others. Here is a way in which we can put that downfall to use in our own life. Look at what we can learn from that downfall. It can be someone doing something to ruin their reputation and their career. It can be the fall of someone’s marriage. It can be someone ruining their own health. As I have seen recently, someone passing and leaving a legacy of hate and deplorable actions. We can learn from each and every one of these.
We can learn from other’s mistakes because we cannot make them all ourselves. It is also a chance to practice a little compassion. We all make mistakes and do things we regret. If you are reading a site like this, it would be safe to assume that you are trying to make less of them. One way to do so is look at each of these downfalls of others and think of how we can avoid making the same mistakes. Did your friends marriage fall apart over a lack of intimacy or communication? Maybe it would be time to brush up on your own? Did a relative lose their job due to downsizing? It would be a wise idea to brush up on your resume and skills.Lastly, passing away without leaving a decent legacy is something I think we should all keep in mind. The hour of death is always uncertain and we should work hard each day to make a positive difference.
We should never celebrate the downfall of others, but we should learn from as many as we can. Each one can also be an opportunity to help. What can we do for the people in the situations above? The more we learn and help, the better our life will be!
Today is Monday. Regardless of what day you have found this post on, this is a good rule to follow. In a society that wants to be noticed, many people feel the need to say something. Sadly, many of these people say things that are sarcastic, rude or just mean. None of them need be said. We all have days where we are feeling less than optimal. It could have been a lack of sleep, feeling under the weather or just irritated. Whatever the reason, we do not feel social. In this case, it is ok to just be quiet. If you come across someone who is normally social and they tell you they are not up to it, they might just be following this rule.
Taking this up a notch, run what you are about to say through this filter. It even has a nice, handy acronym. If what you are about to say does not fit at least one of these metrics, hopefully more, than it is not really worth saying. If you still feel compelled to speak, than spend some time coming up with something that is one of the above. Let us focus less on being heard and more on providing something worth hearing.
Talk about a secret weapon in the war against mediocrity. A calm mind will allow you to see not only solutions to challenges, but opportunities you may have missed if you were too emotional. Yes, it is good to have enthusiasm. Yes, it is good to be passionate. What is required is to not let those same emotions blind you to certain things. Can you stop and think of areas of your life that remaining calm will give you an advantage over someone who is emotional?
One of the first things that comes to mind is interpersonal relations. Having the ability to remain fairly calm when there is discord between two parties is a super power. The closer these parties are, the more difficult it is to remain calm. It is also the more important it is to do so. Think of a disagreement at the office. How you handle things with your coworkers can affect your life 40 hours a week. It can influence promotions and productivity. How about friendships? Being able to disagree with friends can mean the difference in relationships that take years, and sometimes decades, to develop. Most important, think of your romantic relationship. I believe that lack of proper communication is the cause for most divorce.
Have you ever seen a couple disagreeing so passionately that they forget what they are actually disagreeing about? Have you ever been part of a couple like that? Sometimes, parties may be discussing totally different things. If your partner thinks you are upset about one thing, but you are really upset about something else, can you see how difficult it would be to get that disagreement solved? Often this leads to arguing about the same thing over and over. The solution is to be able to communicate what you are upset about, the solution you would like to see and how to work together to achieve that. They only way to do this is by managing to be calm.
Of course remaining calm in the midst of conflict is easier said than done. Can you see why it would be worth the effort? Even in the internal battles that exist when we are working to be a better version of ourself, the ability to be calm is so helpful. It allows us to be objective and view our life with a healthy detachment. Being able to be honest with ourselves without getting emotional will allow us to make necessary changes. It will allow us to do this without feeling depressed or like a failure. From relationships with others, to the relationship with ourself, being calm is what we should aim to achieve.
Today’s post might be a little ‘sciency’ but do not let that scare you. We will break everything down and go slowly. By the time you digest everything I believe you will have gained information and a valuable tool to help you move closer to an amazing life. Today we are going to talk about sympathetic resonance. Before we get into exactly what that is and how it works, let us talk about us. You, me and every other human that lives and breathes on this planet. As you break down what we are all made of, when you get to the very base of everything, it is made of exactly the same thing – energy. Each person, every object is energy at its most fundamental level. The difference is in the frequency and vibration of that energy.
Consider this quote from one of the smartest men to ever live on the planet. Tesla realized that the secret to everything comes down to the base of what everything is made of energy and the frequency and vibration that energy is in. Before we lose anyone, let us help understand energy on an interpersonal level. Have you ever experienced someone who brought tension into a room simply by entering it? How about those people who make people smile just by their company? You can feel their energy without grasping the quantum physics behind it. The same can be said for how you feel in certain places, listening to certain music, or looking at a certain piece of art. The list is endless. Certain things affect you in certain ways.
Now let us get back to sympathetic resonance. This is a fancy term for saying energy affects like energy. One of the best examples of this can be had using tuning forks. Every tuning fork has a frequency determined by its mass, length and material it is made out of. If you struck a tuning fork next to a group of tuning forks of varying frequencies, only the ones that matched the initial fork would vibrate. It is a cool little trick, but how does that serve us? That is where it gets interesting.
Remember when I said at our basic level we are all made of energy? That we all vibrate at different frequencies? Much like a tuning fork, we will resonate with people of like energy. Here is where things get interesting and how we can put them to use. Unlike a tuning fork, people have many frequencies they vibrate at depending on mood, health, environment and a host of other factors. Even the happiest person has a sad vibration in them. We all have our own fears, triggers and joys that we respond to.
Thinking back to our tuning fork example, we resonate with like-minded energy. That being said, a person’s energy can resonate with certain aspects of ourself. Some of those may be beneficial to us, some may be detrimental. That is why it is paramount to surround ourselves with the best energy we can. Why watch the news over and over? It will look to resonate with our energy of fear or perhaps anger. Spending too much time with that person who is always anger will only cause us to stimulate that anger frequency in us.
You do not need to fully understand sympathetic resonance or the quantum physics behind it to know that the things that surround you affect you. Knowing this, can you see how important it is to select your environment as much as possible? Associate with positive people who are driven. Fill your house with items that bring you peace and joy. We cannot control everything in our life. That is precisely why it is so important to control what we can. The energy that surrounds and affects us is something that we have a great deal of control over. Can you see how this knowledge can help us achieve an amazing life? How you can use an energy cleanse after a stressful situation? How having a house that brings you peace can help leave you more energized?
Sometimes the oldest wisdom can enlighten us most in the present. Take a look at this quote from a Stoic Philosopher. Far too many young people place their value on ‘likes’ on social media. There are people who look at career advancement as a measure of success. Some view the number in a bank balance as an indicator of a successful life. All of these have variables that can slip out of our control. How many people ‘like’ something we put out on social media has so many variables that it is beyond comprehension. It is certainly not an indicator as to the quality of the content. Career advancement? Things such as market volatility, nepotism, and office politics can influence that. Bank balances? One health emergency and that can be upended.
Instead, focus on what we can control. Take the social media example. If you focus on putting out quality content verses likes, when you do have a post go viral, there will be no concern if it will be a good one. The best way to boost your readership is to write something worth reading. Career advancement? Becoming the most valuable employee you can be is something you can control. Learn as much as you can. Develop your people skills. Give them no choice but to promote you. If they still decide to go with their brother instead, you will be positioned to succeed somewhere else. Bank balances? Increasing your financial knowledge and skill is one of the best ways to insure yourself against catastrophe. Even if an emergency wipes out your savings, you will have the knowledge and skills needed to rebuild again, and do so in less time than most.
Whether your concern in life is finance, relationships or legacy, your best course of action is focusing on what you can control. In every situation there are things that are in our control and things that are not. To place value on the former, means less control in your life. To place value on the latter means more control. In the simplest of terms, one of the best things to focus on and put value on is becoming the best version of yourself. In that regard, no matter what outside circumstances hold, you are best positioned for success.
One of the things that Margie and I enjoy doing during the warm weather is visiting different markets. This Sunday, we were at a local farmer’s market and came across a stand we had not seen before. In addition to the offerings this lady was selling, we also were gifted a truly special story. One that I think can benefit us all by a gentle reminder.
At this stand there were two very distinct, and very different items. She was selling specialty dog treats in the shape of human food and crystal decor. As I was letting this bounce around in my head, I just had to ask how she came to be selling such different items at the same stand. The answer was not what I expected, but it might just be what we all need. She explained she had been selling the dog treats for quite some time. Recently, however, she lost her son to suicide. When that happened she began making the crystal decorations as a sort of therapy to help her deal with the pain of her loss. Eventually, a friend of her noticed that her house was starting to fill up and mentioned maybe she should stop.
Not interested in quitting a new-found passion, she decided to add them to her stand where she sold her dog treats. This is where the story takes a decided healing turn. A lady stopped by who had also lost her son to suicide. Sharing that each crystal featured angel wings in honor of the son she lost and some even featured something that said, “A piece of my heart is in heaven.” This was just the memory that the other lady was looking for. This transaction helped bring peace and healing to both ladies. In addition, but selling pieces of art that honor her lost son, it is bringing a little bit of peace to the hearts of everyone who purchases one.
This woman took what might be the most painful event that anyone could experience, and used it to create something that would be bring joy to others, and in the process also brought healing to a person who had experienced the same pain she had. When we share our pain with others, we transmute it into something that will help heal others as well. Pain is something none of us want to experience, but it is also a gift that allows us to help others heal. By sharing our pain, we help ourselves heal as well. This lady’s story brought a powerful reminder to Margie and I about the beauty behind many of the works of art people share. It is also a good reminder to spend time getting to know others by asking about their stories. When we share with each other, we all come out ahead.
Changing the world is a goal for so many people. “I sure wish the world was more ____.” We hear so many people say. It seems like an out of reach goal, but really it is not. A big change is many little changes put together. If you just kept your yard in order, that really wouldn’t change too much. Let us say all of your neighbors did the same thing. Suddenly, the neighborhood is transformed. All of you did only one little thing, yet put together it transformed an entire neighborhood. This is how it works on a global scale as well. We may think what we do is too small to make a difference. If everyone who thought that acted anyway, it would make a global difference.
How about you? Are there small acts of kindness or action that you could take? This works especially well in interpersonal relations. One smile to a stranger can have a ripple effect with everyone they meet as well. This can continue on and on transforming many lives by sharing just one smile. In addition, a simple act of kindness can save a life. Have you ever thought of that? That stranger you smile at could be hanging on by a thread. They can be feeling that nobody cares. Your simple act of kindness can give them the hope they need to make it through one more day. In this way, you will touch the lives of so many.
Another great thing about small acts of kindness is there is never a wrong time to do them. One thing that can seem dispiriting is when someone is under a great deal of stress and you strive to say or do something kind and it seems to fail to make an impression. At the time, it may seem like it has no effect. Often, it takes a while to sink in. You may not be around to see the effect of your kindness. That does not mean it is still not worth doing. It would be great if we could all see the effect of the good we put into the world, but we do not have that luxury. If you want to see the effect, look inside. What I mean by that is think of how the good people have done has affected your life. You may not have reacted right away, especially if you are stressed at the moment. It may have occurred to you much later. A feeling of gratitude might have overcome you later. It was still a wonderful feeling, wasn’t it?
Always do what good you can, where you can do it. You may think it will not make a difference. It may seem small to you. When all of the small acts of good and kindness are put together, that is what changes the world. The more of them we do, the quicker the world will change.
A few months ago we have a 30 day gratitude challenge. One of the things that we did not touch on was the question, “What failure are you grateful for?” Most people are familiar with finding good things to be grateful for. It is even rather easy to see how you can be grateful for things that seem benign. Things that we take for granted every day. Such as having a working toilet or clean water. Once we stop and ponder how things would be without them, we find it rather easy to be grateful for them.
What takes a little work is discovering ways in which we can be grateful for the seemingly negative things in our life. I used the word ‘seemingly’ for a reason. On the surface, and certainly at the time, many things can seem negative. We feel hurt, embarrassment or pain. At the moment these things happen, the last emotion we are thinking about feeling is gratitude. How can you feel grateful for failing a test? How about the failure of a relationship? This is becomes even more difficult the longer that relationship has existed. Whether it is a best friend, a lover or a family member. How about failing at work? That can feel terrible. Each one of these, if properly reflected on, can give us a lot to be grateful for.
Failing a test can teach us, and motivate us to study harder. It can open our eyes to what we thought we knew that perhaps we were not as well versed on as we thought. A failure of a relationship can be a tricky one. If we are honest in our reflection, it can teach us a lot. Could we use some work on our interpersonal skills? Our communication? Should we be a more shrewd judge of character? Do we need to be better at setting boundaries? Are we actually better off in the long run without this person in our life? These are all lessons that cannot be learned without a failure of some kind. In fact, no lesson can be learned without failure. It serves as one of the best teachers.
If we fail at our job, it brings many questions to mind. Were we not prepared as well as we should have been? Are there additional skills we need to learn? Perhaps that career field is not one we are best cut out for? Things we again may never know without experiencing failure. We can use the tools of an open mind and honest reflection to transform any seeming failure into one of the most powerful educating moments of our life. Can you think of a failure that you are grateful for?
The other night I attended a talk on the brewing history in my city. Indirectly, it was supposed to be focused on the history of one company in particular – Schlitz Brewing Company. Why? The reason is they are going out of business after more than 150 years. In reality, they first went out of business in 1982, a little more about that later. What this talk, among others, taught me is that there is a lot to be learned from our history. It also taught me a few other lessons that I wanted to share with you today.
Schlitz was a brewery founded in 1849 in Milwaukee. I am not going to spend too much time on the history of this company as this is a self-improvement site and not a beer site. It is an interesting story if you want to research it. Through the years the company survived many challenges. This included prohibition where they were forced to develop and sell other products. As late as 1957, they were the largest brewer in the world. What happened? That is where the lessons begin. We will talk about the brewery, but I am sure you will be able to make the connections to how we can apply this to our lives fairly quickly.
In the 1970’s a man who was an accountant, not a brewer, was given major power at the brewery. Lesson one might be to stick to what you know. He somewhat did this as he was a number guy. He decided that instead of battling other brewers to sell the most beer, he would find ways in which they could increase their profit margins. This included swapping out cheaper ingredients and rushing how long it took to prepare the beer. Before we get to what happened at this brewery, let us look at one other company the company had purchased and tried this same experience with before. Primo beer in Hawaii. When they bought the company it had roughly 70% of the Hawaiian beer market. After cheapening the brewing process, in only a few years their market share was down to 20%. They dismissed it as a regional issue. Not learning from your mistakes, or at least pondering what could have caused them would be lesson two.
Meanwhile, on the mainland things were looking great. Profits were up. Beer was being produced quicker and cheaper. Shareholders seemed to be happy. Corporate executives were happy with their bonuses and raises. Only one problem remained. The beer tasted terrible. People noticed. What happens when you start producing an inferior product, even if it is faster and cheaper? People stop buying it. That is exactly what happened in this case. After several years of denial and falling profits (remember they were not good at learning from their mistakes) they went back to the original recipe. It was too little, too late. They first closed their doors in 1982 and sold to a different brewer. Side note, because of the debt this company inherited with the purchase, it also went out of business.
The final lesson, and perhaps the most important one, is the one we can gain by looking at what brought down the company. Sacrificing quality to cut corners. You may be thinking this does not apply to you if you are not a beer producer, or at least a business owner of some kind. Not true. It applies to us all. When we begin to cut corners in any area of our life. It can be performance in our job. It can be cutting corners when it comes to our health. We can cut corners in our relationship. All of these will come back to haunt us in the long run. We may try to go back to being a good employee and showing up to work on time and working hard while we are there. By then, our boss may have made up their mind to move on. We may want to start working out and eating healthy, but the damage to our body may be beyond our ability to repair. In our relationships, hurt may be forgiven, but seldom is it forgotten. As these continue to mount, it can be impossible to overcome, even if we become the most dedicated and loving partner.
The lesson should be abundantly clear. Never sacrifice quality. That is certainly true if you are a business owner. Even more so about ourselves. By delivering the highest quality product, which is the best version of ourselves, we keep the customers happy. This is our boss by being the best employee we can be. It is our own body, and mental health, by taking care of it. It is also our relationships. This is with our family, friends and romantic partner. If we do not take care of our relationships and bring the best version of ourselves, our life will be tough to make it through. Always work to bring the best quality product to market by working to be the best version of you that you can be. Keep all of the customers in your life happy. Your boss, your doctor and your friends, family and spouse.
