Tag: Relationships

A CRUCIAL MONDAY REMINDER

This is a good reminder for any day, but this post happens to come out on a Monday, so there we are. Recently, I did something that I have not done for over a year. I called in sick to my day job. For the last 2 weeks, I have not been eating or sleeping right all while pushing my body physically. I woke up feeling like I had been run over by a truck. Normally, I always feel a little guilt when I call in. This time it was clear that it was the smart thing to do. My body basically told me, “You could make it through, but it would not be a good idea.”

On the same day I ran into our friend Cindy at the coffee shop while getting some writing done. She told me that she had quit her job of over 20 years. The commute time had tripled for her and they had recently let her boss go. That was the last straw for our friend. Cindy is in a position where this is a possibility. Never quit your job without have adequate income lined up.

The point of both Cindy and my situations was the same. Value yourself over your job. Yes, it is very important to have a good work ethic. I believe that gives you self-confidence and a good self-image. Continually sacrificing yourself for the company is a fool’s errand. Yes, they may appreciate it. Yes, maybe it will help you climb the corporate ladder. The question is, at what cost? Are you sacrificing your relationships? Your health? Your home life? The knowledge that your job will move on it what will be a shockingly quick amount of time, where your family and friends may never move on.

Being a dependable and solid worker is part of becoming the best version of yourself. So is setting boundaries and respecting your health, both mental and physical. If you run yourself to the ground, you will not show up as the best version of yourself. Then you will be more likely to make mistakes and not do a good job. Working hard, but taking the time you need to remain healthy is a balance you must discover for yourself. Just remember to make you, and your family the priority.

SNAKE BITES HAPPEN TO US ALL

This quote seems to logical when it comes to snakes. Why would you try to prove to a snake that it should not have bit you? Even trying to answer the reasons why the snake bit you would do nothing to help you heal from the bite. You first priority would be to heal the bite. Then, if you are so inclined, discover what prompted the snake to bite you in the first place. That way you could avoid being bitten in the future.

Why this is not common sense when it comes to people and the hurt that they cause us is beyond me. Maybe it has to do with emotions that come with it. Perhaps, unlike snakes, they can communicate with us. Still, the logic is the same. When we are hurt by someone, we must first address healing that hurt. It could be asking why it hurt us. Sometimes that answer is obvious. Sometimes it takes a little reflection. Then, we must ask what we need to begin the healing from that. This could involve a great many things. Then we take those actions.

The point of all this is that healing comes from within. If we are waiting for an apology, it may never come. If we are needing a reason why we were hurt, we may never discover it. Snakes are just snakes. They bite because that is what they do. The same holds true for many human snakes. Yes, it could be they felt they were in danger. Yes, it could be that they were injured and hurting which made them more likely to lash out. We will only be able to logically understand this if we heal first. The answers we are seeking may allude us if we are still hurting when we search for them. Some hurts may never heal, but we at least much endeavor to do so before anything else.

MY PATH TO FINDING THE RIGHT PARTNER

Working in the self improvement field, there are times when people ask my advice on relationships. It doesn’t hurt that I have a relationship most people would love to have. It may appear from the outside that our love comes naturally. That is good. Behind the scenes we both put in a lot of hard work to enjoy the love that we do.

My advice for anytime someone asks is to work on being the best version of themselves. That way, should you discover in the end that you are not right for each other, you not only come out as a better version of yourself than when you started, but you also have far fewer regrets.

The above quote begins “Man to man” but the gender is not important. What is important is that we take the steps listed above, and any other we think will help us improve, to continually improve. We do this as much for ourselves as we do for the person we are in the relationship with. Every aspect of your life improves when you do.

Not in a relationship? That’s great too! Instead of seeing who you can “get” at the current moment, focus on yourself. Work on becoming the best ‘you’ there can be. Keep your eyes open as you do. When the right person comes along, being the best version of yourself gives the relationship the best chance of success.

THERE IS NO THIRD OPTION

Let me begin by saying this is not gender specific. It is also not just for intimate relationships. In our life, our relationships should be something that serves us. That is not to say that we should keep a “what’s on it for me?” Attitude. Still, why have someone in your life that brings nothing to the table? Worse, why have someone in your life that drains you or your energy?

Think about yourself and what you bring to the relationships in your life? Are you helpful? Are you a good listener? Do you encourage your friends? What do you bring to the relationships? If you can’t think of anything, you might want to work on that.

It can be helpful to look at the relationships you have in your life and both identify and appreciate what they add to your life. If you can’t think of anything, you might want ask why you are spending your time and energy in those relationships. Is it out of guilt? Maybe it might be time to let them go. At the very least spend more time with those who add to your life.

YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU MAY NEED THEM

Life gets busy. We are working 40+ hours a week. Maybe pursuing a side hustle. Some of us are raising families. Add the stress of the world and current economy and you can see how time disappears without a trace.

One of the things that can get lost with time is effort to strengthen our relationships. Having in depth conversations with your spouse about the future. Pondering questions about life with friends. Taking time to listen to the dreams of your children and advice of your elders. These are not luxuries of life. They are requirements.

You never know when you will be required to have that depth of closeness that life requires. It could be traversing the depths of grief. Having someone to confide in. It could even be feeling comfortable enough to ask for toilet paper at your most vulnerable time. Take the time to foster and grow your relationships. You never know when you will need them!

BREAK THE ILLUSION!

I love this quote! Seeing that there is a different way to live can help you level up. Travel does a lot of useful things. It helps us overcome bigotry. Most hate stems from a good deal of ignorance. If you were to get to know how different people and cultures lived, you would find yourself more compassionate and accepting of your neighbors on this planet.

Travel also helps us appreciate all of the things that we do have and enlighten us to that which we can make better. If more people traveled, we could share this very knowledge with each other and work together to make this world a better place even quicker. Travel can be expensive and often difficult. With technology, we can connect with others across the globe easier than ever. We can also visit far away lands and learn about their people.

The internet has caused its fair share of issues. One way in which it can be a benefit to humans is to help connect us with others that we might not have otherwise had the opportunity to meet. We can learn different cultures and what they bring to the world. We can try different recipes and find dishes we enjoy. It can open our eyes to new forms of celebration. It can show us different ways to celebrate our love. In other words, it can show us that our way of living is not the only one available to us. Why not travel today? Literal or virtual.

WHERE TO GO FOR A GREAT RELATIONSHIP

Great relationships. Most of us would really want one. Some of us would really like our relationship to become one. What is the secret? That is a million dollar question. Actually it is a billion dollar question. The amount of money spent on relationship improvement material in a year is astronomical. That means there is a lot of information out there. One of the great ways to tell if the relationship is a good one is to follow the advice above. Go where you are celebrated and not tolerated. Your value should never be in doubt in your relationship. How do you know if you are valued and celebrated? If only there was some kind of sign.

Thursday, the 29th, was my birthday. I made the mistake of working that day. Upon arriving home, this is what I was greeted with. My beautiful lady created this sign and put balloons up around it and on our front porch. Even better, she was waiting there with a beautiful smile. Taking the time to personally create something meant so much to me. When I pulled up, I felt so special. That was the greatest gift. She used her skills, time and talent to celebrate me. My spirit soared and I had a smile on my face and in my heart. What a great feeling to have on your birthday.

Here is the wonderful thing about that celebration, it continues to this very moment. We are not actively doing something. In fact, we are working in two separate locations. How can the celebration continue? Every time that I think of that sign and those balloons and the time she took to put that all together, I cannot help but smile and feel celebrated. That is how a relationship should be. That can be a friendship, relationship or even a coworker. Celebrating others is a key to strengthening the bond between two people. It doesn’t have to be an adorable sign and balloons. An acknowledging word or genuine compliment can go longer than you think.

The wonderful part about this is that it lasts longer than the actual event. As I mentioned how I continue to smile thinking of the love and effort my lady put into that celebration. The next morning when I pulled out of the driveway to go to work and saw the sign it was a great reminder and gave me a great attitude to start the day. Can you see how celebrating others can be a big part of an amazing relationship? How can you celebrate the people in your life that you really care about?

WHAT A CIRCUS!

When it comes to becoming the best version of yourself, Charles Bukowski is not the first name that may come to mind. Like yours truly, he worked for the United States Postal Service. He also shared some of the same opinions of it. He was a drunk and a generally unpleasant person. All of that being said, he does have a good point here. Our mortality should be a great motivation for people to come together. Either they ignore it, put it out of their minds or do not believe death will happen to them. As if they are not subject to the same laws of biology the rest of us are.

When a rather cynical coworker of mine discovered that I also write self-improvement material and am a student of the same, he had an opinion he felt the need to express. “What is the use of trying to improve yourself. We are all just lemmings falling off a cliff. We are all going to die.” I could not argue with him on the last part. Whether we look like a lemming has more to do with who are parents are than how we live our life. This fatalistic view of the world is one that unfortunately far too many people hold. If we are lemmings falling off a cliff, I would argue the point of life is to have the most fun on the way down. You can only have the best life if you are the best version of yourself. That is the entire purpose of self-improvement.

One of the ways in which to improve our life is to embody this quote from old Charlie above. We are all going to die. Do not take too much personally. Do not get hung up on trivial matters. The more rules you have for your enjoyment of life, the less enjoyable your life will be. Instead of finding ways and things in which to be upset, look for and find ways in which to enjoy life. The same holds true for your neighbor. If you want to find reasons to hate your neighbor, you can find them. If you want to find reasons you should invite your neighbor over for a BBQ and a laugh, you will find that too. It is all in what you are looking for.

Charles was right about one thing, we are all going to die. We should use this as motivation. Our time is slipping away right before our eyes. We should find as many ways to drain as much joy out of life as we can. The best way in which we can do that is becoming the best version of ourselves. The best way to have the most enjoyable time with others is to understand that one day we will run out of that time. Use it to laugh. Use it to love. Use it to connect.

VOTE FOR US!!!

Recently, Margie and I found ourselves in a contest for America’s Favorite Couple. When we win, it will give us a nice article in a nationally published magazine as well as some money for our upcoming wedding. It will be a unique chance to share our love story as well as tips for other couples to share and grow their love as well.

As you can see, we made it to the top 15. Below I will share the link if you would like to vote for us. We would be very appreciative for your support.

CLICK HERE TO VOTE FOR US AS AMERICA’S FAVORITE COUPLE 😍

GROWING PAINS ARE GOOD FOR SUCCESS

Have you ever heard the phrase “Growing comforts”? Everyone, however, knows about “growing pains”. That is because growth can be painful. It is almost always difficult. Do you wish to grow in your life? In your career? Do you want to grow the love and the passion with your spouse? Do you want to improve the quality in all of your other relationships? How about improving your health? I am guessing if you read a site called Secret2anamazinglife.com, the answer would be ‘yes’ to all of the above.

Here is where the irony comes in. Everyone wants growth. It is natural. You would like your health to be better. You would like you and your spouse to have a closer and stronger bond. You would like to move ahead in your career. If we all want growth, and we all agree that there are ‘growing pains’, why do so many of us seek a life of comfort? The irony is this – if you seek a life of comfort and ease, it will come back to bite you in the end. Les Brown said it best when he gave us the equation, “If you do what is easy life will be hard, but if you do what is hard, life will be easy.”

Every improvement in our life will take our time, our energy and self-discipline. These things are seldom easy. If we are to seek and do just the things that are easy and give us pleasure, our life will begin to suffer. If you do not put the time and effort into growing the love and connection between you and your spouse, it will not stay the same, it will begin to fade. If you are always looking to cut corners at work, do you think your career path will improve? When the company needs to downsize, who will be at the top of their list? If you do not have the self-discipline when it comes to your health, how long before your body begins to fail you? Sure, it is more pleasurable to not exercise and just eat all of the food that tastes good, but where will that leave our health in five or ten years? You know exactly where you will be.

It is for these reasons that you should choose the path of improvement not the path of ease. There may be some growing pains, but there will be growth.