Tag: Relationships

THE SECRET TO BEING HAPPY  ðŸ˜Š

We often make happiness some complex realm that takes years to get to. It is even a multi-billion dollar business. These three simple rules can supply you with more happiness than you can imagine. Can doing three things really bring you happiness? Let us look at them one at a time to find out how we can.

The first one is having zero expectations of others. This can be so helpful in any relationship from business to intimate. Expecting people to have the same standards and beliefs we have is not only foolish and unrealistic, it will lead to conflict and disappointment on our behalf. Everyone has experienced life differently. They have their own unique way of looking at the world. The best we can do is to kindly explain ours, and do the best to understand theirs. When we feel people have let us down, it would serve us a lot more to try to understand why verses condemn them. Communication and conveying standards is essential, but so is compassion and understanding.

The next is taking 100% responsibility for our own lives. Let me tell you how freeing this is. The more we place the blame for our circumstances in life on other people or things, the more we relinquish control of our life to those very people or things. If it is your boss’s fault you are having a bad day, than it is your boss who would have to change that. If the person in the blue car who drove across 2 lanes of traffic to turn in front of you (actually happened to me on the way to write this) made you mad, than they have the power to control your emotions. The more responsible for your life and your emotions you are, the more control of them you have. Would you not want control of your own life? If you need help on this, I would recommend the book, Extreme Ownership, by Jocko Willink.

The last is being grateful. If you have read anything that I have wrote, you know that I cannot encourage people to be grateful enough. Gratitude really does change your life faster than anything else I know. Look at the picture above and the multitude of things in life we have to be grateful for. The list is really never ending. Even when life seems negative, gratitude is the other side of coin. Take the worst situation in life – losing someone you love. When we are sad thinking about the loss, we can help ease our pain a little by feeling grateful for the opportunity to know and love them. Will it erase the pain entirely? Of course not, nothing will. What it will do is give us another perspective. You would not miss someone so much if you did not love them a great deal. Loving someone and being able to share a portion of life with them, no matter how great or small, is something to be grateful for.

Here is a secret. The more you occupy your mind and heart with gratitude, the less you leave room for negative emotions. If you are keeping score at home, that means more positive emotions and less negative emotions. That is a win/win situation and one that will lead to a happier life.

As you can see, happiness really can be had by utilizing these three methods. It will take some time and practice, but it can be done. The more you work on making these three things a part of your life, the more happy it will become.

SHOW THEM THEIR SUPER POWER

In a ‘look at me’ world, people are always working so hard to get noticed. They work endlessly to show you how great they are. What many fail to realize is that our greatest opportunity to stand out is by helping and inspiring others.

Think of who stands out in your own life. It is usually the person who just makes you feel good by being around them. If they leave you feeling better about yourself, why they are indispensable! They are people you want in your life.

Another great thing about being in this category is that there is very little competition. In a world where people are screaming with their words and actions “look how great I am!”, all you have to do is be someone who uses your words and actions to say “look how great you are!” Show everyone what is special about them. Tell them. Remind them. Most importantly, appreciate them for it! Never assume people know their superpowers. You might be the first one to tell them!

JUST IMAGINE

We may all have different paths, but we share many of the same goals and aspirations. It is time to focus on those instead of the division that has been driving us apart. Ask yourself who benefits by having us divided? It does not make our streets safer. It does not help solve any issue we are facing. Quite the opposite. We need to work together to accomplish anything. Which is why governments are not usually good at solving issues. They are often stuck bickering with themselves about who is right. They ignore, or do not see the profit in, both sides being able to be right.

If we are to take any issue, there are many things that opposing sides have in common and can agree on. Instead of building a foundation of agreement and learning to compromise on differences, they reduce themselves to blaming each other. When the day is done, nothing gets solved. How can we begin to change this? First, vote for individuals focused more on results than political affiliation. Second, learn to practice these virtues ourselves. Learn to communicate and work with those with whom we may differ. Be an example for the youth. Serve as a beacon of hope in a world that desperately needs one.

Imagine how much we could solve if we all made an effort to respect and worked together? The fact that it may sound like a fantasy in today’s world should convey the sense of urgency that we should employ these tactics. To paraphrase a tree metaphor, the best time to start respecting each other and working together would be 20 years ago, the second best time is now. Someone has to take the first step. Someone has to make the first compromise, let that be us!

OVERWHELM THE WORLD ðŸŒŽ

There are many people who are concerned about the world today. Rightfully so. The question often asked is what we can do to bring decency and humanity back to the world. It is a very good question that has many answers. The first are things we can do on a national level. We can speak with our vote. We can pay attention to laws that are up for debate and respond with the officials we elect.

If we truly want global change, the best way to do so is to start by acting locally. We can be an example for the change we wish to see in the world. This can include treating others in a manner in which we would like to see people treating each other. We can begin by creating loving and accepting communities. The more we do that, the more loving and accepting communities we will have on our planet. It may seem that working to create loving households and communities will not lead to global change, but it is the best way to do so. Inspire children. Show kindness to strangers. These are ways in which we can overwhelm the world with love and kindness.

When enough of us engage in behavior to enact this overwhelm, the world will be change. Start with where you are and what you have. The world will be changed by you making a difference in your family and your household.

A WASTED EMOTION

In a world where division is more common than ever, revenge is something we are starting to see more of. It may also be a result of lack of personal accountability. A lot of us may never meet face to face. There are a lot of people who are ‘keyboard warriors’. Saying hurtful and mean things they would not only be hesitant to say in person, but have little to no business saying in the first place. There are plenty of reasons to see something you do not like and just move past it. Feeling the need to put a sarcastic or mean comment on every social media post you don’t like is not only unnecessary, it drains your productive energy as well.

When you proceed to engage negatively it does not always impact the person you are engaging with, but it will always affect you. Going around trying to get back at people you disagree with or you feel have done you wrong will have you focused on what you perceive as wrong in the world. It will have you in a negative vibration state and may even prevent you from noticing many of the blessings that all of our lives contain. Instead, let those who are consumed by doing negative destroy themselves while you build a bigger and better life for yourself. Give all the energy to yourself and your life, not to their negative actions. You will get further and eventually life will come for them.

LAST MEMORY STANDING

Here is a picture of a sign from the 50th birthday party my lovely lady threw me about a month ago. With our insanely busy lives, we forgot to take it down until today. Here is a pretty cool aspect of that forgetting. Every morning I leave for work at about 4:30 in the morning. On my way to the car, I catch this sign out of the corner of my eye. My first thought is not that it would be far too early to remove the sign, or that I leave such little time to get to work that I do not have the time to stop and attend to such matters. My first thought is so much more powerful and helpful to starting my day off right.

No, the first thought that comes to mind is how much effort and love must have went into throwing me that party. Realizing you are that loved, by someone so amazing, is the best way to start the day. Even though the sign is down now, I will still see it in my head and feel the same way. Funny how when you train your mind to see what you have to be grateful for in your life, everything feels so amazing. This woman puts a smile on my face even at 4 in the morning when she is still blissfully sleeping.

Speaking of great memories, the above photo is yet another example. That is the afore-mentioned lovely lady and I enjoying a little coffee. In case you have not heard, Starbucks is closing over 500 of its locations and one of them was a location we had been to many times. This was the last day it was open and I thought it would be a good idea to create one more memory there. We stopped and spoke with some of the workers about their future plans. Margie even made friends with a dog she saw. Now, every time that I drive by that location, I will remember not only all of the great memories we had there, but this last day they were open when I was able to share one last coffee with the woman I love.

This is yet another example of a memory that we created at this particular coffee shop. We were both working on bringing my second book, Living the Dream, to creation. This post is not about living in the past, but rather being present enough to consider what great memories certain situations would create. It is also about creating and appreciating new ones. Today I am taking my love to the movies to see a film we have never seen and to a new restaurant for dinner. This will be creating two new memories to treasure into the future. When you are able to look back with an attitude of gratitude, it makes all of life magical. Even the hard days seem like a victory.

THE MEASURE OF A MAN (OR WOMAN)

I believe if Plato were alive today, he would have included both genders in this quote. I also believe his name would not have been Plato, but we shall move on. One of the reasons that he used the masculine in this quote is that women did not have as much power as they do now. Although, it is my humble opinion we could benefit with more women in powerful positions. I am sure most of you reading this would agree.

One of the things that I would advocate is using this quote for some self-reflection. How do you use your power? You might be thinking to yourself, “Neil, I do not really have any power.” This could not be further from the truth. Each one of us has a great deal of power that we let atrophy to a great deal. If we are parents, we have a great ability to inspire and lead our children by example. If we are in a relationship, we have the power to help nurture and grow with our partner. We have the power to make them feel valued and appreciated, or worthless and taken for granted. We actually have this power over almost everyone we meet. When your retail experience is taking longer than expected, do you berate and belittle the person behind the counter or do you thank them for their efforts despite the frustrating circumstances? Even if the service is poor, which does seem to be happening with a greater frequency, we never know the story behind what is going on. Perhaps they are dealing with a mental health issue. Maybe they were never properly taught how to deal with others?

When you smile at a stranger you are using your power. The same is true if you glare at them. When you support your hard-working spouse, that is using your power. When you work hard for your family, that is using your power. When you complain, sit around not doing much, that is also using your power. One is for the greater good, the other – not so much. If you have a skill, whether that is baking, inspiring others or even being a good listener, what do you do with that skill? That is how you are using your power!

Spend a few minutes today thinking about the powers you have. That could be the power to inspire. The power to help. The power to encourage. The power to positively influence. What ways can you start to use more of these powers? Are there ways you are failing to use your power? Worse, are there ways in which, unknowingly, you are negatively using your power? If we are honest, I think there are ways in which we can all use our power a little more and a little better. I would love to hear what you think.

YOUR MOST IMPORTANT MISSION!

This world is pretty crazy right now. What can we do to bring a little more sense and a lot more peace to it? Adopt this as our mission. That is to be a light in an often dark world. If you make your mission to lift others up and to give them hope and belief in themselves, you will have not only made their world a better place, you will have made the world a better place.

Think of how much better we could all be if someone helped remind us how worthy we are. If someone showed us our magic again. We all have it. Inside each and every one of us lies the ability to change the world for everyone we come in contact with. If that isn’t a superpower, I do not know what is. We should adopt this as our mission in life. When we do, we will not only see our world change for the better, but we will begin to see the world around us improve as well.

IT STILL MATTERS

Today is Monday. That can be a little tough for many of us. By the end of the day all we can think about is keeping our heads above water. It can be hard to think of any personal goals and hobbies we wish to pursue. He is a little secret. Even a little progress is huge. This is true especially on the hard days. That can be writing a few words on the book you are working on. It can be going for a little walk while trying to get in shape.

It may feel like if we can only do a little, is it worth it to do anything at all? The answer is absolutely. We can’t always workout for an hour or run a marathon. We can go for a walk after dinner. This isn’t only a physical fitness analogy. Want to increase the love between you and your spouse? How about a well thought out appreciation given to the one you love? It may seem like a little action, but trust me, it matters.

There are two important things to remember about taking little actions. First, you will be proud of yourself that you did something verses nothing. Sure, it may not be the big step you would have liked to take, but it is better than not taking any step at all. The second thing to remember is that little steps add up to big results. You may not repair all of the hurt in a relationship overnight, but taking a few seconds to convey genuine appreciation is that little progress that can start to move the needle. Take steps like this every day and your relationship will grow by leaps and bounds.

Next time you are tempted to think that little progress does not matter, think of these examples. Understand that doing even a little can give you the pride and confidence to keep going. Also understand that a little progress done daily can, and will, add up to big results. If you can’t do a lot, do a little. It will be worth it in the long run.

LIVE YOUR VALUES

This quote could not come at a better time. It seems the world is arguing about whose values are right. Many people are doing their best to force their values on others. That never works. Why, in the year 2025, have we not figured that out is beyond me. If we truly feel our values are ones other people would benefit by adopting, there is only one way in which we can have them desire to do so. Notice I did not say convince or force them to. When we attempt to do that, it creates resentment and often negatively represents whatever value we are attempting to inspire others to adopt.

The one way in which we can demonstrate to others the benefits of adapting this value is to live it ourselves. If we are advocating a particular health lifestyle, but we are sick all of the time and lack energy, it would seem unlikely anyone would follow our advice. In my line of work it is much the same. I wrote a book titled, Living the Dream. If you ran into me and saw that I was in a constant state of depression, my health was poor and so was I, would you be likely to buy the book? I know I would not. The reality of the situation is that I have people asking me the secret of my happiness and the relationship I share with the woman I love. I guess I could tell them to “Read the book.”

It is not just what is in the book, but the fact that I live and practice the activities that I wrote in there. If you read that book, available on Amazon I might mention, you will have the very same tools and strategies that I use in my own life. Speaking of my amazing lady, there is another secret to living your values – having people in your life that call you out when you are not. It can be a bit frustrating when I am busy feeling sorry for myself and I hear my love’s sweet voice ring out, “That is not living an attitude of gratitude.” Having someone who holds you accountable is one of the best tools to living an amazing life. We all slip from time to time. Having someone remind us of the values we hold dear is worth its weight in gold.