Tag: Recreation

DON’T BE BITTER, BE BETTER

“If you continuously compete with others you become bitter but if you continuously compete with yourself you become better”

This is a quote I came across somewhere online but it really struck me. So many of us want to be the best this, or the best that. This is good. Wanting to be better and improving is what keeps us growing and evolving. I personally always take pride in wanting to be the best bartender I can be. I am lucky enough to know several other amazing bartenders in my life. My friends Lisa, Matt, Shelly, Shilla and Alysa are downright amazing. I never look at them and compare myself though. One, they have their own styles and skill sets that differ than mine. That is not to say I will not ask them for advice or watch them and pick up a few things I could do to make my shift a little better. Still comparing myself to them, or even competing against them does not good at all. One it makes competition and enemies out of allies and friends. Plus, it is unfair and unproductive to ourselves. As I mentioned before they are different people and have different life stories and experiences. They also have different natural talents to build on and weaknesses to address. I must focus on what I do well and how I can use what I have experienced in life to learn and grow from. What does all of this have to do with you and your life situation? Plenty. Remember to harness true power in life you must not try to master others, or even master other situations. The greatest skill in life one can have is to master over your own thoughts and emotions. To conquer your doubts and face your fears head on. Sure you can learn from a friend and even ask them for help. In fact a true friend can be one of your greatest allies in bettering yourself. Just remember the struggle really does not exist without, but within. When you master yourself nobody else can control your emotions. Nobody else can stop you. So todays challenge is to begin to take a good hard look inside and see what you can do to improve yourself. Trust me, if your honest with yourself this can be a life-long pursuit and give you very little time to even worry about trying to improve others, which is not our job anyway. So let us begin on this daring and noble struggle. Let us all work on improving ourselves and becoming the best people we can be!

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Recently I was out on the town with a person very close to me and what to me seemed out of nowhere asked me a question in a rather spirited manner. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Catching me a bit of guard, I didn’t quite know what to say. Which, for anyone who knows me is a miracle itself. Although I contemplated beginning to list every short coming I thought I had I guessed they were seeking an answer to a more specific question. After requesting a little clarity I discovered what was bothering them about me that day. This was her reply “we have been to the different places today and you have went out of your way to be overly nice to everyone we have encountered. What the hell is wrong with you? Don’t you ever just do your business?” Funny thing is this was the second time this issue has been brought to my attention. It’s true in this busy world people often do not have time for any conversation that is not completely necessary. So why bother being friendly? Great question. Being friendly in the course of interacting brings a host of benefits to both parties. First of all the obvious answer is you make the person you are being nice to feel good. That is pretty straight forward. You also create a foundation for future relations. How is that possible. If you take a few extra minutes to show kindness to a stranger that person is far more likely to remember you. In any future interactions you have with that person they are likely to be far more pleasurable than if you have just conducted your business. You also build a relationship with that person which you never know when that may come in handy. We are all so interdependent it only makes sense to be in good graces with as many different people and as many people as you can. Plus, in any situation you make someone smile, you leave feeling better. Good ahead and be nice for selfish reasons! So if you find yourself not even extending a simple decent courtesy to people you encounter not to mention trying to spread joy wherever you go I must ask you a question, What the hell is wrong with you??

 

THE BEST CRACKER I HAVE EVER TASTED..

Once in a while an idea comes to me at the most unique times. This particular one came thanks to an enjoyable afternoon discussion over coffee I shared with a good friend the other day. It is a great example of perspective and how we can tend to settle for less than we truly deserve in life. If we were to fast for a prolonged period of time, the first bite after the fast would taste amazing whether it was the most expensive steak or a simple cracker. Either way being without food so long would increase our appreciation for whatever food we were presented with next, even if that food were not particularly to our liking or the best for us. what does this have to do with living a successful life? A lot actually. I have always been puzzled when amazing friends of mine stay in abusive relationships or settle for jobs, partners or any other situations that are so below them. There are many reasons that this can be and all of them are unfortunate, but one can be expressed with this story about the cracker. For just like going without food for a prolonged period of time, people also go through periods where they are without love, affection, appreciation and many other things that can be just as essential for our personal well-being. If a person is in a relationship where they are generally ignored they may find themselves in a relationship with a person who is overly jealous and needs to know there every move. Both of course are emotionally abusive, but when we go without attention for a long period of time any attention becomes good attention. I’ve seen people who are in relationships that lack physical intimacy dive into physically abusive relationships because although they are suffering there is physical contact and they equate that with love. On the surface this may all sound a bit crazy to some, but let us bring our mind back to the cracker. if you were full it would make no sense to you that a cracker could taste so delicious, but if you found yourself homeless and unable to eat that cracker would represent a meal fit for a king. So let us use this to discover things we may be settling for in our lives. Does the fear of growing old alone keep us in a relationship that does not serve us? Does a lack of popularity in school have us hanging on to as many friends as we can even if they are not the best people to have in our lives? Let us also use this tool to better understand people we know who appear to find themselves in situations they do not belong in. Quite often there are stories behind the scenes we never know about.

BE AFRAID…BE VERY AFRAID…

Why on earth would a blog about living a fulfilling and positive life be encouraging fear? Two reasons. First, it is Halloween and it is generally a time when spirits and ghost stories receive front page press. Second fear plays a great deal in determining the quality of our life. Fear of death and illness can keep many people from stepping outside their comfort zone and trying things that may bring amazing things into their lives. Fear of differences and personal rejection may stop people from starting conversations with new and unique people who could bring a great deal into their lives. Fear of failure can often paralyze people from pursuing their dreams and bringing not only joy to their world, but light and beauty to the world in general. Feeling inspired yet? Ok, neither am I, but the truth is that is only the dark side of fear. That is only half of the picture. Fear has another side as well. Fear can be protective. Fear of injury keeps most of us from driving reckless. Fear of hurting another person’s feelings can often keep us from saying hurtful things and finding a more productive way to resolve conflicts. That same fear of failure can motivate us to better prepare. When you hear news your job may be a victim of a layoff it can motivate you to search for additional sources of income or examine your budget and spending habits. The fear of suffering the same health issues that plagued your family can inspire you to live a healthier life. The point here is simple. Fear, like many other emotions can either be our servant or our master. It all depends on how we handle it. Does a fear of public speaking cause you to freeze up or to review your notes one final time? Does the fear of a culture you do not understand prevent you from associating with those people or does it motivate you to educate yourself on aspects of that culture to demystify your thoughts? Think of some of your fears, do they control you or do you employ them in your journey toward a more rewarding life? We all have a mix of both, but the goal is to start attacking our fears one by one and making them serve us instead of the other way around. The earlier we face our fears, before they have a chance to take hold in our minds the easier to conquer them. Of course the feeling of overcoming a life-long free gives us freedom that is almost unequaled. So this Halloween while enjoying your favorite ghost story or scary movie ponder your own fears and how you can use them to assist you.

THE KEYS TO THE PRISON….

“If you are not involved in something you truly care about, anyplace can seem like a prison”

-Darren Hardy editor of Success Magazine

 

Another great thing about the subject we discussed yesterday, having and developing a life-long dream, is the freedom it creates. Think of how you feel at work the day before vacation. Oh, the coffee maker is broken? That’s ok I’ll be in the tropics tomorrow. The boss is in a very bad mood and headed your way? Well he can only yell at you for a few hours and then you will be on a plane with a cocktail in your hand. Things just seem to bounce off you. Why is that? To answer that let’s look how you would feel in those same situations the day after you return from vacation. The coffee maker is broken? Damn! Why can’t there be one of those white-gloved servants to just bring me another cup like at the resort? The boss is mad and headed your way? Why can’t you just be back on the beach listening to the waves? What really is the difference? The same situations, but totally different feelings. The answer is obvious right? If you are just about to escape to your version of paradise be it in the woods, the beach or wherever it is easier to tolerate the ‘minor inconveniences’. yet, when you don’t have that vacation right around the corner the issues become far more trying and major. So what is the solution here? Take a vacation once a month? If you are like most of us that may not be in the budget. Even when people retire in the good financial situation to travel after a while they too seem to settle. Why is that, and what can we do if we don’t happen to be lucky enough to have our own private jet and gold bars in the living room? I found this answer in a rather depressing and disturbing statistic, On average men who retire die approximately 3 years later. Women fair a little better, but not much. Why is that? people are generally more relaxed, have more time to focus on recreation and enjoyment. So why to they fall apart so quickly? The answer to that question cannot only prolong your post retirement lifespan, but give you the secret to living a life of passion instead of one that seems like a job. Purpose. That terrible routine that causes us to leave that comfy bed and brave that commute to get to a place most of us would rather not be serves a very important role. it gives us a reason to do so. Now I am not advocating working a day longer than you have to. In fact, I plan on leaving myself as soon as I am able. No, the idea here is to find a purpose, a reason that fills you with passion and joy at the mere thought of it. The secret here is to find something that capitalizes on the abilities you naturally posses. In doing so you increase your chances of success and enjoyment. You are also most likely to bring something important to the world. People who find math easy and enjoy it tend to make better engineers. To me they are also slightly odd, but that is only because I cannot grasp the idea of enjoying math. I rather enjoy speaking in front of groups of people and entertaining them which tends to make me a fairly decent bartender. I also enjoy doing it and tend to bring joy to those I am serving. Of course the idea of speaking in front of large groups of people usually ranks right up there with death in people’s lists of their greatest fears, adding further proof to the fact that I am also odd. The fact here is by doing things we are naturally good at and enjoy will also bring us in contact with like-minded people who tend to make better friends. You do not have to make this your career, but by incorporating some aspect of this into your life it will tend to give you something to look forward to and make those daily challenges a little easier to handle. Of course if the coffee maker ever breaks where I work I still may need that trip the tropics. So begin to think of things you are naturally good at and enjoy. Discover new and fun ways you can make them more a part of your life.

COMING ATTRACTIONS…

Just an update on this fine blog here. Recently I decided to see if I could fly by falling off a ladder. The experiment was a terrible failure. I did receive some great parting gifts for my efforts which included a dislocated shoulder, torn ligaments in said shoulder and bruised ribs. I also received some very valuable lessons along the way. There are a lot of things I do on a daily basis I took for granted. Even taking a shower has been quite an adventure. I have also learned the art of patience. What used to take me 5 minutes can now take all day. In addition I have learned to be more comfortable asking people for help and receiving it graciously. Still one of the greatest gifts I have received is one of perspective. I was walking a small ways to a park down the street from my house just to get some fresh air. As I was doing so I was noting with a great deal of humor all of the new challenges this condition brought. Then I saw a gentleman in a wheel chair making his way down the trail in the park. His condition was not temporary and truly he had to make adjustments and develop patience that will last a lifetime. I knew my state was not all that bad, but I am not a patient healer, but this made me thankful for the fact my condition will improve. It also made me think how much worse my fall could’ve been. So it was a good lesson in that no matter how bad things seem to be going for you someone always has a bigger right to complain, and often does not. So appreciate what you have instead of morning what you lost.

Ok, all that being said, another thing that proves difficult is typing. So for the next week or so we are going to look back of the last year and revisit some of my favorite posts from this site. There may be additional commentary and for those of you who are new to this blog may share some things you might have missed. Before long we will be back with new and hopefully enlightening material for you! Until then, stay on the sunny side of the street even if it is just in your own mind!

ROLLS ROYCE AND BENTLEYS…

have you every noticed that Rolls Royce and Bentley don’t have commercials?

REASON; They know the value of their product brings customers to then

LESSON: When you know your value, you don’t have to beg people to like you, to be your mate, to spend time with you or to love you. Be confident in who you are. Everyone can’t afford the LUXURY of your friendship

So this is something I actually stole off of my sister’s Facebook page. I can’t take credit for it, but what a great way of looking at ourselves. I know a lot of friends involved in online dating and they seem to end up with not the best choices. It is human nature to think to yourself after a while “What is wrong with me that I end up with all the wrong people?” As you can see in the last line of the lesson above not everyone can afford luxury. The dating is but one example. there are times when friends seem to disappear without a trace, leaving us wonder what went wrong. sometimes we run into cruel and abusive coworkers, bosses or even friends who may turn on us. It is important to know and understand your own value going into the world. When you truly understand how amazing you are every undue criticism either bounces right off you or even sounds comical. it brings to mind another saying “people who are trying to bring you down are below you’ There is no other person in this world who can determine your worth than yourself. Yes your boss may decide on how much you are to be paid, but that is not how much you are worth.

perhaps you do not feel that valuable? if that is the case, there are two questions to ask yourself that will change that. One, are you listening to the opinions of others? If another person has brought you down, just remember other people’s opinions of you are none of your business. Now, if you are not happy with yourself, that is ok. What you do with that unhappiness makes all the difference. if you choose to criticize yourself, which in moderation can be a good thing, than do so constructively. Not happy with your shape? than use that feeling to eat healthier and work out. use your unhappiness to serve you. Once you start down the path of self-improvement you are already more valuable every day. Still looking to increase your value? begin by thinking of ways you can become more valuable…write some down and begin to work on them. I always suggest reading and learning new things. Another great way of feeling more valuable, help others with no expectation in return. Read to seniors at a senior center. help at your local VA, give blood, help at a meal program or shelter. Not only will you truly be making a difference, you will be more valuable to the world. I will share the easiest and most overlooked way of being valuable in tomorrow’s post!

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

Here is a quick and interesting thing you may wish to explore when you find yourself not in the best of spirits. Most people who know me personally know that I do NOT advocate watching the evening news. Now for those of you saying “Well I want to be informed Neil” I would have to ask “informed about what?” if you need to know what the weather is going to be tomorrow they have a channel/website/app for all of that. See if your favorite team won, same answer. Check traffic? by the time the news gets to that you may very well be stuck in it or wasted time you would’ve used to be on your way. Better to check online or again most people can do this on your phone. Why I am so anti local news. Well let’s look what they inform us about. I had a customer who plays the organ, his story was going to be on the news. So I sat down to watch. In the first 5 minutes, not a second longer I had heard about 2 murders, 1 arson and a company that was laying off 250 people. Now by me learning this information how did it improve my life? I certainly and regrettably can do nothing for the people who were killed. Nor could I rebuild the person’s house that burned down, or offer a job to any of the 250 people who lost theirs. No, all it did was make me feel terrible. It also slants our opinion that the world is getting worse by providing us all the examples we need to show that. Thus it gets people’s minds focused on that and when people start to lose hope and optimism the world really does start getting worse. it is a rather self-fulfilling prophecy. If all you hear about is how bad things are, then that is what you will discover in your life. Now, I am not saying we should skip around and avoid reality. No, it is important to see some things that are not working in order to think of ways they could be better, but to be fed a constant stream of negative information we can do little or nothing about only serves to bring us down and weaken our ability to enjoy the world. Another fine example of this principle was demonstrated by the truck driver who picks up the mail at the post office. he came in angry about what he had just heard on the talk show he listens to on the radio. He proceeded to tell me all about what the ‘other political party was doing’ I asked him how that made him feel. I’ll spare you the exact words, but let’s just say ‘very angry’ Here is the funny part, this was something he chose to listen to. It was the political party he agreed with. So I asked him if it makes him feel angry why listen? He looked at me indignantly and said “So I can stay informed, I don’t want to be ignorant like some people” I asked him what he got out of being informed other than being frustrated and angry. Let us just say the rest of the conversation didn’t go so well. I know some people get this way listening to sports programs or talk shows. The fact here is this. If is not information we can use to bring about a positive and productive change and we are actively doing just such a thing and not just walking around telling everyone else what the other political party, religion, or sports team is doing and how terrible it is. If something leaves us angry, sad, hopeless or pessimistic it is time to be honest with ourselves and ask if it is really serving us? Even if we are more informed are we really more use to humanity if that information comes at the cost of our emotional well-being? I don’t know about you, but I would much rather spend time with someone who sees the beauty in all people, than one who can ‘convince me’ one religion is better than the other. I would also much rather spend time with someone who can inform me of avenues that are bringing about a positive change than a person who will tell me how to vote so the other party will not bring about the end of the world. So next time you find yourself being upset by something ask yourself, is this really worth it?

WORK YOUR PASSION!

When I talk to people about living their passion a lot of them assume I am telling them to do it for a living. While it is true you can really make a career out of anything that is not what I am suggesting entirely. Though if you do happen to find yourself seeking a way to make a living your passion may not be a bad place to start. So you have discovered your passion. Either through the exercises we discussed yesterday or if you happen to be lucky like me you fall into it during a glass of Captain Morgan and a conversation with two beautiful and amazing friends. Either way, what now? here is my suggestion. Think of how you would most like to involve this passion in your life. Let us take the model train example. perhaps your goal is to have a large model train display you can work on in your spare time. write that down as your ultimate goal, now begin to work backwards. What would you need to do/have to make that happen. If your mind immediately goes to “a lot of money I do not have” you are not thinking positively on your passion. In this case, being that I know very little about model trains I will try to make my best guess. You would need large pieces of wood to set the tracks and buildings on. You would need the trains. How many? You would want buildings. What kind? Crossings? Develop a plan. make a list of all the things you would want and need. now perhaps a couple of hours a week you can work on slowly putting this together. Go window shopping at the hobby store to get ideas, make a list and draw a sketch of how you would like it to look. Say you would like to turn this into a career. you could write a book about your adventures in setting up your display or put together an online video series on how to set up model trains.

let me tell you a more personal example. When my two friends helped me realize that my passion was bringing joy to others and helping them see the beauty in themselves it became an obsession. Especially keeping in mind the words Alysa said about “To bad there are not more people like you” for a brief second I contemplated cloning until I realized I knew little or nothing about the science that goes into that. not to mention we might run into identity theft problems. Seriously though in short order I realized the obvious short-coming in my passion. If you did not come into my post office or bar, or I did not come to you how could I bring you joy? How could I assist you in discovering and appreciating the beauty that is inside of you. How could I help someone in Brazil as well as helping someone in Greenland? Then the idea of starting this blog came to me. You know you are living your passion when pieces fall into place. Shortly after making this decision I reconnected with another amazing friend Kristina. Not only did she know quite a bit about blogs she encouraged me to write a book as well. Since then there has been ideas for audio cd’s as well as online video series. Although I must confess I think my appearance lends itself better to the audio. The point here is I have never been more excited to wake up than I am now. I still work at the post office and the bar, but adding this passion to my life has added more joy, energy and enthusiasm to my life than I can hope for. So write down your goal and begin to work backwards. Work all the way back until you can start thinking of steps you can take today, right now to put you on the road to living your passion. Then take one! As my mentor Tony Robbins says, “never leave the sight of a goal without at least taking one action towards its fulfillment” Not only will it jumpstart your passion it will give you momentum! Have a great weekend and we will see you on Monday!

IT’S THE STATE FAIR!

Today marks the first day of our state fair.  A celebration of food, fun and music.  It runs eleven days and is my favorite time of the year.  I stressed this in an earlier blog, but each one of us needs such a time.  Having something you look forward to each and every year helps us get through the obstacles in life.  Whether it is a yearly birthday celebration, a family vacation, a camping trip with friends.  Having some event to look forward to keeps us focused on a pleasurable aspect of life, which makes the challenges a little more bearable.  I suggest each one of us decide which thing we look forward to and write it down.  Make plans involving it.  When you have a particularly rough day, spend some time thinking about your fun activity.  Maybe look at new tents, create a photo album from years past you can reminisce about all the good times you have had and all the good times to come. Just another way to stay focused on something positive.  Oh, and if you see me at the fair and mention this blog post, your next beer is on me! Stay positive my friends!