This weekend as many of us ponder what our New Year resolutions might be, let us frame them in a way that we focus on what we will gain. Want to quit a bad habit such as smoking? Don’t focus on ‘giving up’ cigarettes. Instead, focus on ‘gaining‘ freedom and fresh smelling clothes and better breathing and sense of taste.
Whenever making an adjustment, whether that is a healthy diet, a calm mind or anything else we are looking to accomplish, I suggest focusing on adding a positive instead of eliminating a negative. Social media is a great example of this. Many people say it is too negative. They begin to try to eliminate negative people and sources. Not a bad plan. By simply adding more positive ones, the likelihood they will see negative decreases. This is the same way life works.
Think of healthy eating. If you add eating one healthy meal a day, your stomach will have less room for junk. If you spend more time with positive people, that’s less time you can spend with negative people. Focus on the gains this coming year!
When I was young, I liked the cartoon Mighty Mouse. He would swoop in at the last second with his favors cry, “HereI come to save the day!” After which, he would pretty much do just that. Growing up, that’s what I wanted to be. That’s why I always worked to be the best at whatever I did. I recall winning an award for being Milwaukee’s best bartender. That was cool. I won the ‘Friendliest person in Greendale’ award… twice. Also very nice. Came with a little plaque and flowers. Nominated for best Milwaukee author. That was an honor.
All those were great, but I failed to recognize what all these were a part of. It is the greatest award that any of us pursue, and none of us will be officially recognized for. Sounds great, doesn’t it? That is being the best version of ourselves. It is an award we will chase daily. Sometimes we will come close. We will not get a plaque or flowers. Nobody will hand us a trophy. What we will get is something even more priceless. We will have peace in our mind and our heart knowing that we did the best we could. As they say, an honest man’s pillow is his peace of mind.
The reverse is also true. When we don’t give it our all. When we cut corners. Perhaps we even cheated to get ahead or were dishonest. Yes, we may accomplish the immediate results, but at what cost? That knowledge will continue to eat away at our soul until there is nothing left.
I tip my hat to those brave souls who battle to be their best everyday. Not for recognition or rewards, but for the virtue of it. For the peace of mind and for the example it sets for future generations. Those are the true super heroes. Those are the people who will truly come to save the day.
As most of you know, I had open-heart surgery in 2022 and had a brief flirtation with death. Grateful it was only brief, but it could have been permanent. At that point, there wasn’t much i could do. The time before the surgery was a different story
I cannot assume that you have read my book, The Beat Goes On. That is the whole story of my surgery and life after death. Rather entertaining read if I say so myself. The time from when I was told I need surgery to the actual surgery itself was 2 months. That is a long time when it comes to anxiety, but a quite short time when it comes to accomplishing everything you want to do before you die.
Sitting next to this lovely lady in the movie theater, this became abundantly clear. What if I didn’t make it through surgery? What if, in these 2 months, I had to show her how much I care? How do you give someone a lifetime of love in 2 months? How do you celebrate your last Thanksgiving? Your last Christmas or ring in what could be your last New Year? You start to realize how fleeting life can be!
In a world of smart phones, watches and even rings, I think the device that best demonstrates what we are talking about here is the hourglass. The sand always goes from the top to the bottom. It slowly runs out, never going backwards. That is much like our life. It is constantly getting less and less. You will have less of it by the time you finish reading this post!
Now imagine you could not see how much sand is left in the top of the hourglass. You just new it was less and less by the second. Oh, you could guess based on the size of the hourglass, the thickness of the sand and other factors. What you would end up with us speculation at best. It could be a large hourglass with only a few grains of sand left. It could be a small hourglass packed with sand.
Our life is like that. We don’t know how much sand is left in our hourglass. All we know is that it is constantly running out. We can affect the rate to a certain degree by staying safe and healthy, but there are still factors beyond our control.
All of this to say is you don’t have time! Chase that dream now. Tell that person you love them now. As a person who had to stare down the possibility of death, and briefly experience it,let me assure you life is shorter than you think.
I’m not sure if you have read the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, but you definitely should. In a nutshell, it explains how different people give and receive love in different ways. Some, like myself, use words and verbal communication to express love. Some, like my lovely lady, use physical intimacy.This can be a hug, a kiss or even holding your hand. The crazy thing is people can give love in one language and receive love in another. If that isn’t confusing enough, the Languages can change throughout life!
Why is learning these love Languages so important? Here’s why. You can be showing love the best way you know how and your partner could feel like you are not showing any love at all. Do you think that could end up causing some issues between the two of you? That is why learning your partners love language is vital to a successful relationship.
Equally important is to know your love language. What makes you feel loved? Is it someone giving you time? How about giving you a hug? Maybe a meaningful gift? Doing an act of service for you? If you are thinking, “Hey, those all sound pretty good!” You are not alone. Most people can feel love in a few categories but are usually dominant in one or two. Want to find out what your love language is? How about your partner‘s? There is a fun quiz you can take together or separately in the back of the book.
When you know your partner’s love language, it is important to use that language to communicate. They will receive your love a lot more and you will be a lot less stressed. Once you know your love language you can convey that to your partner and they can feel more effective at conveying love to you. That will have them feeling a lot less stressed as well. Two people who are less stressed in a relationship with each other?That is a recipe for success!
A few posts back we talked about how your mindset can turn a hell into a heaven and the other way around. It would seem that life sought to provide me a personal example. My 2024 Toyota Rav 4already has a bad sensor that needed to be replaced. They informed me when I made the appointment it would take roughly 30 minutes and I could wait. So, after my 10 hour work day I made my way to the dealer. Upon arrival, Iwas told it would now be a 2 hour affair as they had to check other parts as well.
A few things come to mind here. Of course after a 10 hour workday I could easily be irritated about having to wait 4 times as long as I was told. I could have brought a book or some other form of entertainment. I could have arranged a ride to go home and come back when it was done. All of this would be legitimate to think and feel. It would also lead to anunhappy and stressful evening.
Instead, I am going to look at and use this time constructively. I shall avail myself to the available coffee and snacks. I will use my cell phone to write this very blog you are reading now. Most importantly, I shall focus on the fact that I am so grateful to have the vehicleI do.
Both of these sets of facts are true. They both also come with an entirely different set of feelings. Would it be better if I had my laptop? Sure. It is far easier to write on that. Am I grateful that I can still write on my phone? Absolutely!
Life is full of choices. One of the most important is what we choose to focus on. As you can see, the difference can be between feeling stressed and feeling grateful. That may not seem like a big deal in the course of an evening. If you put enough of those evenings together, it is the difference between a negative and stressful life, or one where you choose to focus on gratitude and opportunities.
A reminder today to be yourself. Copies are never worth more than the original. You can be the best version of who you think people want you to be and it will never be as good as the best version of who you were put here to be.
Each one of us has our own gifts and talents. Maybe you are a good listener? Maybe you are a good conversationalist? Do you cook well? It could be that you do a great job cleaning, or planning. Whatever it is that speaks to your heart, do that. You will not only find the most enjoyment in life, but you will be at your most beautiful.
Many people I know are facing very uncertain, and dare I say scary, futures. Many are concerned for their children. In a world that seems to be growing colder and angrier by the day. It can be tempting to walk around downtrodden, angry or with a defeatist attitude. This would not only be understandable, it would be excusable.
What we must realize is that we are always creating an example for our children and the young people coming behind us. Being able to remain loving in a world that can be anything but loving is true courage and true strength. We may feel our opportunity to live in a peaceful and loving world has been taken away from us. In some regard that may be true. What is also true is that we have been given an opportunity todemonstrate how to conquer that darkness. We do so not with mere words, but with action. We do so not by matching or surpassing their anger, but maintaining our love in the face of it.
Take advantage of the opportunity fellow warriors. Stand up and be strong. Be aggressive in your love. Be courageous in your compassion. That is the sign of a true warrior.
A simple choice to smile when you wake up may not seem like much. Done repetitively, it can become a lifestyle! What do you do first thing when you wake up? Go to the bathroom? Pour a cup of coffee? Many of us reach for our phones. That is about the worst thing you can do! Exposing yourself to outside influences before you have had an opportunity to determine and set your own mood is simply dangerous.
When you smile, and i would add feeling one thing you’re grateful for, YOU set the tone for your day. A simple affirmationsuch as, “No matter what happens today, I will make the best of it and keep smiling.” May sound silly at first. Done for a month and it becomes who you are.
Don’t you deserve to determine your attitude towards your own life? I believe you do. The question is, do you?
Look at this list of amazing things that gratitude can do! It may be hard to believe, in fact you shouldn’t. Don’t take my word for it. Don’t take the word of whoever made this picture. When I was still in the early phases of my self-improvement journey, someone told me this very thing. I decided to try it for 30 days to prove them wrong. You can hear the whole story in my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People.
That is exactly what I am recommending here today. Honestly do your best to be grateful as often as you can for 30 days straight. If you stumble and have a negative day, just dust yourself off and try to go for 30 days after that. I guarantee it will transform your life for the better. With Thanksgiving being tomorrow, what a perfect day to start!
If you need help on how to start an attitude of gratitude, either search ‘gratitude’ on this blog, or even Google how to become grateful. So many people from Oprah to the Dalai Lamaknow the power of gratitude, so there is plenty of information online!
I would love to hear your results of this experience, or any experience you have with the power of gratitude. Let’s share and inspire each other!
We are influenced by so many people in our lives and given so much good advice. Every once in a while we are given a line that sticks with us. One sentence that can transform the path our life can take. Funny thing is, we don’t often realize it at the time.
To demonstrate, let me share one example in my life. Growing up, I spent a lot of time with my grandparents. They were married for many years. My grandmother could be a bit surly at times. She had a lot of medical problems and I’m sure that was a part of it. My grandfather, on the other hand, was very tolerant. He let most of it bounce off of him. I recall asking him one day how he did it and what the secret was to a lasting relationship. His answer was 4 words, “Bend but don’t break.“
In its simplicity, it was yet profound. At the time I was young, and if we’re being honest, rather stupid. It didn’t seem to be the complex secret I was expecting. Here is the irony. Now, years later, it is one of the main secrets to the success of my relationships. To me it means that you have values you do not compromise on, but the rest you have to be about to be flexible, or bend, on.
How about you? What one line do you recall getting in your life? Who did you get it from? I would love to hear your story.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 