Tag: Neil Panoisan

WHAT A CIRCUS!

When it comes to becoming the best version of yourself, Charles Bukowski is not the first name that may come to mind. Like yours truly, he worked for the United States Postal Service. He also shared some of the same opinions of it. He was a drunk and a generally unpleasant person. All of that being said, he does have a good point here. Our mortality should be a great motivation for people to come together. Either they ignore it, put it out of their minds or do not believe death will happen to them. As if they are not subject to the same laws of biology the rest of us are.

When a rather cynical coworker of mine discovered that I also write self-improvement material and am a student of the same, he had an opinion he felt the need to express. “What is the use of trying to improve yourself. We are all just lemmings falling off a cliff. We are all going to die.” I could not argue with him on the last part. Whether we look like a lemming has more to do with who are parents are than how we live our life. This fatalistic view of the world is one that unfortunately far too many people hold. If we are lemmings falling off a cliff, I would argue the point of life is to have the most fun on the way down. You can only have the best life if you are the best version of yourself. That is the entire purpose of self-improvement.

One of the ways in which to improve our life is to embody this quote from old Charlie above. We are all going to die. Do not take too much personally. Do not get hung up on trivial matters. The more rules you have for your enjoyment of life, the less enjoyable your life will be. Instead of finding ways and things in which to be upset, look for and find ways in which to enjoy life. The same holds true for your neighbor. If you want to find reasons to hate your neighbor, you can find them. If you want to find reasons you should invite your neighbor over for a BBQ and a laugh, you will find that too. It is all in what you are looking for.

Charles was right about one thing, we are all going to die. We should use this as motivation. Our time is slipping away right before our eyes. We should find as many ways to drain as much joy out of life as we can. The best way in which we can do that is becoming the best version of ourselves. The best way to have the most enjoyable time with others is to understand that one day we will run out of that time. Use it to laugh. Use it to love. Use it to connect.

VOTE FOR US!!!

Recently, Margie and I found ourselves in a contest for America’s Favorite Couple. When we win, it will give us a nice article in a nationally published magazine as well as some money for our upcoming wedding. It will be a unique chance to share our love story as well as tips for other couples to share and grow their love as well.

As you can see, we made it to the top 15. Below I will share the link if you would like to vote for us. We would be very appreciative for your support.

CLICK HERE TO VOTE FOR US AS AMERICA’S FAVORITE COUPLE 😍

PLEASURE THROUGH PERSPECTIVE

As you look at the title and photo above, many thoughts and questions may come to mind. What does pleasure and perspective have to do with the Lone Ranger? How do either of these things help me with my life? Before we unpack all of that, I want to tell you how this post and this comparison came to be. I want to do that by asking you a question. Have you ever had a childhood memory that is particularly vivid and you cannot understand why? You find yourself asking, “Why on earth did my brain remember this out of everything?” If you are anything like me, you spend far too much time trying to come up with a deeper meaning behind it. As if your brain knows something you do not. Try to wrap your head around that thought.

Here is my memory. When I was a very young child, I would spend the occasional day by my great aunt’s house. Her name was Rose. Lovely lady. That being said, as a very young child, there was not much to do there. It was more an adult place to be. After I was a little older and learned how to play cards, I became a little more interesting to the adults. Prior to this occurrence, there was one way they endeavored to keep the children entertained. There was a wooden box in the garage. In this box there was a handful of mismatched toys. Out of all of them, I can only recall three. There was 2 cap guns. Seldom did these ever include actual caps. They were a gleaming pewter with what was supposed to look like pearl handles. There was also a plastic horse. It was a poor man’s Lone Ranger play set. It could have actually left over from a Lone Ranger set for all I know. When I was young, these were so cool. My cousin and I would create many adventures and both try to be the first to get the guns. Seldom would they be shared. You either had two guns, or you had none. The horse was limited in its entertainment value for two young boys,

Actual family photo from that time

Above is a photo from my great aunt’s house during this time. She is in the front with a scarf on her head. Bonus points if you can pick out a young best-selling author in the photo. After my great uncle passed we seemed to visit the house less. Also, after learning the card games the adults played, when I was there I joined them at the table instead of going to the garage to look for the wooden box. Years passed and I found myself back there. I went into the garage and found the wooden box. The guns and horse did not hold any allure. In addition, the ‘giant’ hill that we conquered with said firearms, was a lot smaller than I had remembered.

I am sure this happens with a lot of our childhood memories. Things look one way when you are four or five, they look quite a bit different when you are forty-five. The lesson that I took from this is that once upon a time, three simple items held the spirit of adventure that could last an entire afternoon. As the brain became more complex and the imagination more dull, they became nothing more than childhood playthings. In reflection, is this why children seem to enjoy life far more than adults? Is this why we can seem to get a burst of energy and enthusiasm when we play with a young child? Perhaps that is the secret to an amazing life?

When was the last time you used your imagination? Can you find an afternoon of entertainment from simple objects? With the advent of streaming services and online gaming, this can seem quaint to some of you. Having the ability to use your imagination to escape reality, if even for a little while, could be considered a super power in this day and age. Why not try having a little adult playtime today? It could relieve stress and increase enthusiasm!

WHY SOME THINGS ARE DIFFICULT

As I write this, I am preparing for a yearly 5K run that I do. It will be about 90 degrees at race time and I will be running on blacktop. It sounds insane and it probably is. Normally, this race is not this hot. Why on earth would I do such a thing? It is a great way to test where my fitness level is compared to the year prior. Am I getting better? Am I falling off? Running for me is quite difficult. Not only is my frame not really designed for it, but my asthma has me stopping to catch my breath more often than not. It is frustrating. Again, the question comes up, “Neil, why do you do it then?”

The quote from Seneca above captures it perfectly. When we attempt things that we view as difficult, even if we do not succeed at the level we had hoped, it gives us a sense of pride and accomplishment that those who never attempt will never know. It is a tricky thing to convey to someone who has never put themselves in a difficult situation. Pushing yourself outside what is comfortable not only gives you a sense of pride, but does something even more important. It prepares you for when you unexpectedly face something difficult. If we face difficult things voluntarily, when life throws us difficult times we do not expect, we will be far better prepared. It strengthens far more than muscle and cardio. It strengthens our reslove.

This is why it is important to do the difficult things. Give yourself some inner strength. Prepare yourself for life’s unexpected trials. What do you do that helps you develop inner strength?

GPS AS A MOTIVATOR?

There are so many times that every day life gives us keys to an amazing life we often miss. This is one of them. Yes, I realize that GPS is a machine. It does not have emotions. It does not overthink. Do you know what it also does not do? Give up! Can you imagine if we did one thing that our GPS does? Whenever life, or our plans, do not work out the way we planned, say out loud, “Recalculating route!”. You may think you look a little crazy, people may laugh at you. Laugh with them! This is a great way to remind ourselves that a change in route is not a failure, but an adjustment. We can still get to our destination, it may take longer. We may need a different route. We will still get there.

Can you imagine if GPS acted like us sometimes? We are running late and encounter a closed road and our GPS just says, “You’re screwed. Your day is over.” How about if we take a wrong turn and our GPS says, “You are an idiot! Why did you do that?” No. It just recalculates how to get there. It takes in account we did not take the way initially planned and make adjustments. You think you have found the perfect life partner and they turn out to by a lying loser? Yes, that sucks. Just walk away and say, “Recalculating route.” Lose the job you thought you would retire from? It can be a very difficult set back. There is no doubt about that. Say “Recalculating route!” and brush up that resume!

Life is not always easy. There are challenges. A cute saying like this does not fix them. What it can help us realize is that life is not over, it is just taking a different route. Next time you hear your GPS utter this familiar phrase, smile to yourself and know that life is much like a unplanned detour on a car trip. Recalculate your route and enjoy the journey!

IF YOU CAN’T BE KIND, BE QUIET

Today is Monday. Regardless of what day you have found this post on, this is a good rule to follow. In a society that wants to be noticed, many people feel the need to say something. Sadly, many of these people say things that are sarcastic, rude or just mean. None of them need be said. We all have days where we are feeling less than optimal. It could have been a lack of sleep, feeling under the weather or just irritated. Whatever the reason, we do not feel social. In this case, it is ok to just be quiet. If you come across someone who is normally social and they tell you they are not up to it, they might just be following this rule.

Taking this up a notch, run what you are about to say through this filter. It even has a nice, handy acronym. If what you are about to say does not fit at least one of these metrics, hopefully more, than it is not really worth saying. If you still feel compelled to speak, than spend some time coming up with something that is one of the above. Let us focus less on being heard and more on providing something worth hearing.

THE WARRIOR WHO WINS

Talk about a secret weapon in the war against mediocrity. A calm mind will allow you to see not only solutions to challenges, but opportunities you may have missed if you were too emotional. Yes, it is good to have enthusiasm. Yes, it is good to be passionate. What is required is to not let those same emotions blind you to certain things. Can you stop and think of areas of your life that remaining calm will give you an advantage over someone who is emotional?

One of the first things that comes to mind is interpersonal relations. Having the ability to remain fairly calm when there is discord between two parties is a super power. The closer these parties are, the more difficult it is to remain calm. It is also the more important it is to do so. Think of a disagreement at the office. How you handle things with your coworkers can affect your life 40 hours a week. It can influence promotions and productivity. How about friendships? Being able to disagree with friends can mean the difference in relationships that take years, and sometimes decades, to develop. Most important, think of your romantic relationship. I believe that lack of proper communication is the cause for most divorce.

Have you ever seen a couple disagreeing so passionately that they forget what they are actually disagreeing about? Have you ever been part of a couple like that? Sometimes, parties may be discussing totally different things. If your partner thinks you are upset about one thing, but you are really upset about something else, can you see how difficult it would be to get that disagreement solved? Often this leads to arguing about the same thing over and over. The solution is to be able to communicate what you are upset about, the solution you would like to see and how to work together to achieve that. They only way to do this is by managing to be calm.

Of course remaining calm in the midst of conflict is easier said than done. Can you see why it would be worth the effort? Even in the internal battles that exist when we are working to be a better version of ourself, the ability to be calm is so helpful. It allows us to be objective and view our life with a healthy detachment. Being able to be honest with ourselves without getting emotional will allow us to make necessary changes. It will allow us to do this without feeling depressed or like a failure. From relationships with others, to the relationship with ourself, being calm is what we should aim to achieve.

RESONANCE IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS

Today’s post might be a little ‘sciency’ but do not let that scare you. We will break everything down and go slowly. By the time you digest everything I believe you will have gained information and a valuable tool to help you move closer to an amazing life. Today we are going to talk about sympathetic resonance. Before we get into exactly what that is and how it works, let us talk about us. You, me and every other human that lives and breathes on this planet. As you break down what we are all made of, when you get to the very base of everything, it is made of exactly the same thing – energy. Each person, every object is energy at its most fundamental level. The difference is in the frequency and vibration of that energy.

Consider this quote from one of the smartest men to ever live on the planet. Tesla realized that the secret to everything comes down to the base of what everything is made of energy and the frequency and vibration that energy is in. Before we lose anyone, let us help understand energy on an interpersonal level. Have you ever experienced someone who brought tension into a room simply by entering it? How about those people who make people smile just by their company? You can feel their energy without grasping the quantum physics behind it. The same can be said for how you feel in certain places, listening to certain music, or looking at a certain piece of art. The list is endless. Certain things affect you in certain ways.

Now let us get back to sympathetic resonance. This is a fancy term for saying energy affects like energy. One of the best examples of this can be had using tuning forks. Every tuning fork has a frequency determined by its mass, length and material it is made out of. If you struck a tuning fork next to a group of tuning forks of varying frequencies, only the ones that matched the initial fork would vibrate. It is a cool little trick, but how does that serve us? That is where it gets interesting.

Remember when I said at our basic level we are all made of energy? That we all vibrate at different frequencies? Much like a tuning fork, we will resonate with people of like energy. Here is where things get interesting and how we can put them to use. Unlike a tuning fork, people have many frequencies they vibrate at depending on mood, health, environment and a host of other factors. Even the happiest person has a sad vibration in them. We all have our own fears, triggers and joys that we respond to.

Thinking back to our tuning fork example, we resonate with like-minded energy. That being said, a person’s energy can resonate with certain aspects of ourself. Some of those may be beneficial to us, some may be detrimental. That is why it is paramount to surround ourselves with the best energy we can. Why watch the news over and over? It will look to resonate with our energy of fear or perhaps anger. Spending too much time with that person who is always anger will only cause us to stimulate that anger frequency in us.

You do not need to fully understand sympathetic resonance or the quantum physics behind it to know that the things that surround you affect you. Knowing this, can you see how important it is to select your environment as much as possible? Associate with positive people who are driven. Fill your house with items that bring you peace and joy. We cannot control everything in our life. That is precisely why it is so important to control what we can. The energy that surrounds and affects us is something that we have a great deal of control over. Can you see how this knowledge can help us achieve an amazing life? How you can use an energy cleanse after a stressful situation? How having a house that brings you peace can help leave you more energized?

VALUE EQUALS CONTROL

Sometimes the oldest wisdom can enlighten us most in the present. Take a look at this quote from a Stoic Philosopher. Far too many young people place their value on ‘likes’ on social media. There are people who look at career advancement as a measure of success. Some view the number in a bank balance as an indicator of a successful life. All of these have variables that can slip out of our control. How many people ‘like’ something we put out on social media has so many variables that it is beyond comprehension. It is certainly not an indicator as to the quality of the content. Career advancement? Things such as market volatility, nepotism, and office politics can influence that. Bank balances? One health emergency and that can be upended.

Instead, focus on what we can control. Take the social media example. If you focus on putting out quality content verses likes, when you do have a post go viral, there will be no concern if it will be a good one. The best way to boost your readership is to write something worth reading. Career advancement? Becoming the most valuable employee you can be is something you can control. Learn as much as you can. Develop your people skills. Give them no choice but to promote you. If they still decide to go with their brother instead, you will be positioned to succeed somewhere else. Bank balances? Increasing your financial knowledge and skill is one of the best ways to insure yourself against catastrophe. Even if an emergency wipes out your savings, you will have the knowledge and skills needed to rebuild again, and do so in less time than most.

Whether your concern in life is finance, relationships or legacy, your best course of action is focusing on what you can control. In every situation there are things that are in our control and things that are not. To place value on the former, means less control in your life. To place value on the latter means more control. In the simplest of terms, one of the best things to focus on and put value on is becoming the best version of yourself. In that regard, no matter what outside circumstances hold, you are best positioned for success.

YOUR PAIN CAN HEAL

One of the things that Margie and I enjoy doing during the warm weather is visiting different markets. This Sunday, we were at a local farmer’s market and came across a stand we had not seen before. In addition to the offerings this lady was selling, we also were gifted a truly special story. One that I think can benefit us all by a gentle reminder.

At this stand there were two very distinct, and very different items. She was selling specialty dog treats in the shape of human food and crystal decor. As I was letting this bounce around in my head, I just had to ask how she came to be selling such different items at the same stand. The answer was not what I expected, but it might just be what we all need. She explained she had been selling the dog treats for quite some time. Recently, however, she lost her son to suicide. When that happened she began making the crystal decorations as a sort of therapy to help her deal with the pain of her loss. Eventually, a friend of her noticed that her house was starting to fill up and mentioned maybe she should stop.

Not interested in quitting a new-found passion, she decided to add them to her stand where she sold her dog treats. This is where the story takes a decided healing turn. A lady stopped by who had also lost her son to suicide. Sharing that each crystal featured angel wings in honor of the son she lost and some even featured something that said, “A piece of my heart is in heaven.” This was just the memory that the other lady was looking for. This transaction helped bring peace and healing to both ladies. In addition, but selling pieces of art that honor her lost son, it is bringing a little bit of peace to the hearts of everyone who purchases one.

This woman took what might be the most painful event that anyone could experience, and used it to create something that would be bring joy to others, and in the process also brought healing to a person who had experienced the same pain she had. When we share our pain with others, we transmute it into something that will help heal others as well. Pain is something none of us want to experience, but it is also a gift that allows us to help others heal. By sharing our pain, we help ourselves heal as well. This lady’s story brought a powerful reminder to Margie and I about the beauty behind many of the works of art people share. It is also a good reminder to spend time getting to know others by asking about their stories. When we share with each other, we all come out ahead.