BECOME SOMEONE WHO CANNOT BE OWNED

Last post we looked at the kind of people you do not want in your life. Let us switch gears and take a look at the kind of people you do want in your life and the kind of person you should strive to become. The quote above from Epictetus gives us the formula. That is to be some who can walk away from desires in order to achieve goals. I am paraphrasing, but that is the lesson there. If your goal is to become healthier, but you often desire doughnuts and ice cream, you will have to choose one of them.

Here is another consideration. If we are constantly giving into our desires, they in a sense become our masters. If you cannot say ‘no’ to the doughnut in the breakroom, then you will forever be working on developing a healthy eating plan. That is not to say an occasional doughnut will ruin everything. What we are saying here is that you need to develop the will, the focus and the self-discipline to turn down immediate gratification in order to reach a long-term goal. That seems rather logical, but in today’s world, it is a rare quality.

Another prime example is getting hooked on social media. You know you are supposed to clean the kitchen, but you will take a break to watch just a few videos. An hour later there you sit, phone in hand with a dirty kitchen. It takes roughly 20 minutes for the brain to focus on an activity. Meaning every time you take that break, you are resetting the clock. Normal adult brains to require a quick reset around the 90 minute mark. It should not last too long, or you may find yourself unable to get started again. You must be able to discipline yourself or you will not achieve many goals in life. If it helps, make deals with your desires. You will watch that otter video after the kitchen is clean. You can have a doughnut after you complete your workout or reach a certain goal weight.

To achieve anything great in life, you must be able to delay immediate gratification to fit the long-term goal. How you do this is up to you. Doing it is not an option. Ancient philosophers knew it. In today’s world, it is even more important. Feel free to share your secrets for staying focused.

BE THIS KIND OF SOUL

I think it would be fair to say that we would all like a world that is more loving and peaceful. If you are an individual that does not, you would probably not be reading something like this. It can be difficult to find the best way to accomplish that. Is there a political solution? Is there a spiritual solution? Is there some esoteric knowledge that we are missing? The solution can seem almost as complicated as the problem itself. Not to mention the problems are different for everyone. With that in mind, how can we create a solution that works for everyone? This was one of the questions that drove me when I was writing my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People.

The solution can be a surprisingly simple one. The photo above says it all. Make everybody feel like a somebody. We do this for several reasons. First, it is how we should treat each other. In a land of division, sometimes that humanity can get lost. Second, when people feel valued, they tend to be able to accomplish more. We all want our friends and family to live productive and rewarding lives. The third reason is a powerful one. There is the ripple effect. When we show someone their value, they tend to do the same to others. If someone is treated with dignity, respect and compassion they will be more likely to treat others in the same fashion. This will, in turn, have those people treating others kinder. This will continue to spread. It will all be thanks to one action you and I can both do. That is to show someone their value.

Every person on this planet has a tremendous amount of value. You, me and everyone we encounter. We all have natural skills and talents. Whether that is selling real estate or encouraging others. Each one of us brings something to the table. When we are reminded of that, miracles happen. Hearts open and people connect. As this sort of this spreads the world begins to change. It all starts with that simple action we can take today. Be the soul that makes everybody feel like somebody. It can save a life. It can change the world. All it takes is some love and compassion.

REMINDER FOR STRESSFUL DAYS.

Stressful days, we all have them. It can feel like we are caught up in a whirlwind of anxiety and chaos. It could be Monday, the start of a work week. It can be the end of the month when all the bills are due. When we are stuck in this whirlwind it can be easy to forget some of the things that can help with the stress and chaos. My fourth book will help you to create your own personalized map to get out of stressed. Until that comes out, here are some universal tips to remember. Nothing complicated.

When life goes crazy, just remember to breath deep, eat a balanced meal, give yourself some grace, move your body, get some sleep and reach out if you need. The last one is key. We all feel so good when we are able to help our friends, but often deny them that same great feeling. Having a friend by your side in times of struggle will only strengthen your gratitude and appreciation for that friendship. It will also strengthen the relationship itself. So ask for help if you need. Maybe even print out this picture to have these reminders on hand.

ARE YOU WHEREVER OR WHENEVER?

This is a rather amusing quote from Oscar Wilde. In its amusement, however, there begs a very important question. Are we someone who adds to other’s lives or are we a drain? It is true you can find something helpful about anyone, even if it is just a warning about how not to live. Sometimes the best teachers can be negative examples. Let us be honest, most people do not approach life this way. If we are being honest, I do not always remember to do so. We can often fall into the trap of focusing so hard on improving our life, that we fail to remember to be a blessing in other people’s lives.

One of the best ways to do this is to bring happiness wherever you go. The easiest way is by using of natural talents to bring love and light to everyone we encounter. This can be by being a good listener. It can be offering an encouraging word, or even just a smile. It can also be done by subtraction. Do not be the one who brings complaints. Do not be the first one to parrot negative news or the latest political talking points. Stay away from gossip. Instead pay genuine compliments or share what you are grateful for that day.

Not only will more people want to be around you. Not only will you bring happiness wherever you go. The best part? You will be more happy too! By bringing joy and happiness to all those you encounter, you are constantly surrounded by smiling faces! Who would not want that? It will sure make life a lot more pleasant. Be someone who brings happiness wherever you go and not whenever you go.

WHERE TO GO FOR A GREAT RELATIONSHIP

Great relationships. Most of us would really want one. Some of us would really like our relationship to become one. What is the secret? That is a million dollar question. Actually it is a billion dollar question. The amount of money spent on relationship improvement material in a year is astronomical. That means there is a lot of information out there. One of the great ways to tell if the relationship is a good one is to follow the advice above. Go where you are celebrated and not tolerated. Your value should never be in doubt in your relationship. How do you know if you are valued and celebrated? If only there was some kind of sign.

Thursday, the 29th, was my birthday. I made the mistake of working that day. Upon arriving home, this is what I was greeted with. My beautiful lady created this sign and put balloons up around it and on our front porch. Even better, she was waiting there with a beautiful smile. Taking the time to personally create something meant so much to me. When I pulled up, I felt so special. That was the greatest gift. She used her skills, time and talent to celebrate me. My spirit soared and I had a smile on my face and in my heart. What a great feeling to have on your birthday.

Here is the wonderful thing about that celebration, it continues to this very moment. We are not actively doing something. In fact, we are working in two separate locations. How can the celebration continue? Every time that I think of that sign and those balloons and the time she took to put that all together, I cannot help but smile and feel celebrated. That is how a relationship should be. That can be a friendship, relationship or even a coworker. Celebrating others is a key to strengthening the bond between two people. It doesn’t have to be an adorable sign and balloons. An acknowledging word or genuine compliment can go longer than you think.

The wonderful part about this is that it lasts longer than the actual event. As I mentioned how I continue to smile thinking of the love and effort my lady put into that celebration. The next morning when I pulled out of the driveway to go to work and saw the sign it was a great reminder and gave me a great attitude to start the day. Can you see how celebrating others can be a big part of an amazing relationship? How can you celebrate the people in your life that you really care about?

GUESS WHAT TODAY IS?!

I guess the picture gives away the answer to the question the title purposes. Yes, today is my birthday. To me, the day was never that big of a deal. It was great that I was born to be part of this world, but beyond that everyday is a gift for me. This all changed, however, when I met the lovely lady I am with now. Margie has a way of making everything a grand celebration. I think that is one of the major keys to an amazing life – finding someone who enjoys celebrating you and being with you. I have certainly found that in my lovely lady.

Having special people in your life, romantic or not, to celebrate with makes life so much more enjoyable. The best way to create relationships like this is how we treat others. The better we treat others, the more likely they are to celebrate with you. Celebrating the accomplishments, and special occasions, of your friends and family increases bonds and joy between you. It is also more likely to make that celebration more reciprocal. Take an interest in the people in your life and note the dates that are important to them. When those dates arrive, take time to celebrate them.

Here is another thought, it does not have to be the usual important dates. You do not have to wait for a birthday or graduation. You can pick fun days that are important to you, or maybe even just fun, and celebrate them together. As I write this, it is the National Day of the Cowboy. I had no idea such a holiday existed. Again, Margie to the rescue. She bought me a calendar that lists the holiday on each day. If I knew someone into cowboys, today would be a great day to get together and have a good time with them. It is crazy, fun things like this that make life worth living. What gives life its flavor. You could even have a party celebrating the birth of your favorite author?

One of the greatest gifts that I have is when I can engage with the readers of this blog. If you would like to give me a gift today, feel free to leave your feedback, make a suggestion as to what topics you would like us to discuss or just say ‘hello’ and let us know where you are reading this. I hope you all have a great day today. I know thanks to the beautiful woman in my life, I will!

WHAT A CIRCUS!

When it comes to becoming the best version of yourself, Charles Bukowski is not the first name that may come to mind. Like yours truly, he worked for the United States Postal Service. He also shared some of the same opinions of it. He was a drunk and a generally unpleasant person. All of that being said, he does have a good point here. Our mortality should be a great motivation for people to come together. Either they ignore it, put it out of their minds or do not believe death will happen to them. As if they are not subject to the same laws of biology the rest of us are.

When a rather cynical coworker of mine discovered that I also write self-improvement material and am a student of the same, he had an opinion he felt the need to express. “What is the use of trying to improve yourself. We are all just lemmings falling off a cliff. We are all going to die.” I could not argue with him on the last part. Whether we look like a lemming has more to do with who are parents are than how we live our life. This fatalistic view of the world is one that unfortunately far too many people hold. If we are lemmings falling off a cliff, I would argue the point of life is to have the most fun on the way down. You can only have the best life if you are the best version of yourself. That is the entire purpose of self-improvement.

One of the ways in which to improve our life is to embody this quote from old Charlie above. We are all going to die. Do not take too much personally. Do not get hung up on trivial matters. The more rules you have for your enjoyment of life, the less enjoyable your life will be. Instead of finding ways and things in which to be upset, look for and find ways in which to enjoy life. The same holds true for your neighbor. If you want to find reasons to hate your neighbor, you can find them. If you want to find reasons you should invite your neighbor over for a BBQ and a laugh, you will find that too. It is all in what you are looking for.

Charles was right about one thing, we are all going to die. We should use this as motivation. Our time is slipping away right before our eyes. We should find as many ways to drain as much joy out of life as we can. The best way in which we can do that is becoming the best version of ourselves. The best way to have the most enjoyable time with others is to understand that one day we will run out of that time. Use it to laugh. Use it to love. Use it to connect.

VOTE FOR US!!!

Recently, Margie and I found ourselves in a contest for America’s Favorite Couple. When we win, it will give us a nice article in a nationally published magazine as well as some money for our upcoming wedding. It will be a unique chance to share our love story as well as tips for other couples to share and grow their love as well.

As you can see, we made it to the top 15. Below I will share the link if you would like to vote for us. We would be very appreciative for your support.

CLICK HERE TO VOTE FOR US AS AMERICA’S FAVORITE COUPLE 😍

PLEASURE THROUGH PERSPECTIVE

As you look at the title and photo above, many thoughts and questions may come to mind. What does pleasure and perspective have to do with the Lone Ranger? How do either of these things help me with my life? Before we unpack all of that, I want to tell you how this post and this comparison came to be. I want to do that by asking you a question. Have you ever had a childhood memory that is particularly vivid and you cannot understand why? You find yourself asking, “Why on earth did my brain remember this out of everything?” If you are anything like me, you spend far too much time trying to come up with a deeper meaning behind it. As if your brain knows something you do not. Try to wrap your head around that thought.

Here is my memory. When I was a very young child, I would spend the occasional day by my great aunt’s house. Her name was Rose. Lovely lady. That being said, as a very young child, there was not much to do there. It was more an adult place to be. After I was a little older and learned how to play cards, I became a little more interesting to the adults. Prior to this occurrence, there was one way they endeavored to keep the children entertained. There was a wooden box in the garage. In this box there was a handful of mismatched toys. Out of all of them, I can only recall three. There was 2 cap guns. Seldom did these ever include actual caps. They were a gleaming pewter with what was supposed to look like pearl handles. There was also a plastic horse. It was a poor man’s Lone Ranger play set. It could have actually left over from a Lone Ranger set for all I know. When I was young, these were so cool. My cousin and I would create many adventures and both try to be the first to get the guns. Seldom would they be shared. You either had two guns, or you had none. The horse was limited in its entertainment value for two young boys,

Actual family photo from that time

Above is a photo from my great aunt’s house during this time. She is in the front with a scarf on her head. Bonus points if you can pick out a young best-selling author in the photo. After my great uncle passed we seemed to visit the house less. Also, after learning the card games the adults played, when I was there I joined them at the table instead of going to the garage to look for the wooden box. Years passed and I found myself back there. I went into the garage and found the wooden box. The guns and horse did not hold any allure. In addition, the ‘giant’ hill that we conquered with said firearms, was a lot smaller than I had remembered.

I am sure this happens with a lot of our childhood memories. Things look one way when you are four or five, they look quite a bit different when you are forty-five. The lesson that I took from this is that once upon a time, three simple items held the spirit of adventure that could last an entire afternoon. As the brain became more complex and the imagination more dull, they became nothing more than childhood playthings. In reflection, is this why children seem to enjoy life far more than adults? Is this why we can seem to get a burst of energy and enthusiasm when we play with a young child? Perhaps that is the secret to an amazing life?

When was the last time you used your imagination? Can you find an afternoon of entertainment from simple objects? With the advent of streaming services and online gaming, this can seem quaint to some of you. Having the ability to use your imagination to escape reality, if even for a little while, could be considered a super power in this day and age. Why not try having a little adult playtime today? It could relieve stress and increase enthusiasm!

WHY SOME THINGS ARE DIFFICULT

As I write this, I am preparing for a yearly 5K run that I do. It will be about 90 degrees at race time and I will be running on blacktop. It sounds insane and it probably is. Normally, this race is not this hot. Why on earth would I do such a thing? It is a great way to test where my fitness level is compared to the year prior. Am I getting better? Am I falling off? Running for me is quite difficult. Not only is my frame not really designed for it, but my asthma has me stopping to catch my breath more often than not. It is frustrating. Again, the question comes up, “Neil, why do you do it then?”

The quote from Seneca above captures it perfectly. When we attempt things that we view as difficult, even if we do not succeed at the level we had hoped, it gives us a sense of pride and accomplishment that those who never attempt will never know. It is a tricky thing to convey to someone who has never put themselves in a difficult situation. Pushing yourself outside what is comfortable not only gives you a sense of pride, but does something even more important. It prepares you for when you unexpectedly face something difficult. If we face difficult things voluntarily, when life throws us difficult times we do not expect, we will be far better prepared. It strengthens far more than muscle and cardio. It strengthens our reslove.

This is why it is important to do the difficult things. Give yourself some inner strength. Prepare yourself for life’s unexpected trials. What do you do that helps you develop inner strength?