Last post we discussed how self-discipline can help us start our day with a winning attitude. Many people struggle with self-discipline. In a world where almost everything can be a push of a button away, it can be hard to understand the importance of delayed gratification. What is even more difficult for many to understand is why we must do something that we deem uncomfortable or undesirable even if it leads to success later on. A friend of mine once told me, “Why would I want to work out? It makes me sore and I feel fine sitting on the couch watching movies.” That may be true in the moment, but which behavior will we wish we would have acted on ten years down the line?
The answer to that question should be fairly obvious. We would be a lot better off taking care of our health, even if it means a little discomfort in the present. A less-than-enlightened coworker of mine was remarked, “Why should I care about improving my life? We are all going to die. Just like lemmings jumping off a cliff.” Not only is that statement a very depressing outlook on life, it overlooks one important point. We are all lemmings jumping off that cliff. This is metaphorical. I do not believe any lemmings read the post. If we are all going to die what is the point of living? How about to have the most fun we can on the way down that cliff? We should work to squeeze as much out of our life as we can.
Reminding ourself the importance of why we must work to become the best version of ourselves is key to self-discipline. When I think about not wanting to work out after a long day at work or not wanting to write, I think about my beautiful lady and how she deserves to have the best version of me. I think about all of you who read these blogs. There have been several people who have told me how much they impact their day and their life. Would I rather sit in the park and watch the birds on a lovely day? Absolutely. Could I do that after writing for an hour? Yes indeed. When I look back on my life I want to be proud of the life I lived. I can only do that if I exercise my discipline.
This seems like a pretty obvious thing to do. Who would not want to start their day with some positive thoughts? We can all agree that thinking of healing, big dreams, thinking of things that make us happy and picturing our own success would start our day in a good fashion. How come more of us do not do that? Did you do it this morning? I woke up at 4am for work and I can tell you that I made coffee, brushed my teeth, got dressed and got out the door with just enough time to make it to work on time. Why did I not spend at least a few minutes thinking these thoughts?
The reason more of us do not begin our days in a deliberate way is twofold. First, in today’s world most people tend to be reactionary. We wake up and look at our phones. We wake up and listen to the news. We let outside circumstances determine the trajectory of our day. Many of us do not realize there is any other way to live. This is how our parents lived and more than likely their parents too. Is there anything stopping from taking time to decide how to live our life? The answer to that question brings us to the second reason that most of us do not begin our lives in the way the photo above would advocate.
The second reason is the same reason that I did not begin my day with thoughts that would set me up for a happier and more successful day. Looking at the fact that I get up at 4am, have a 35 minute commute and have to be at work at 5am, you may think the reason is time. No, that is the excuse. Yes, I do have to hurry to make sure I get everything done and out the door in time. What is preventing me from spending 5 minutes thinking some positive and productive thoughts? A lack of self-discipline. Could I wake up at 3:55 instead of 4? Sure. Would 5 minutes less of sleep make that great of a difference? Could I have some mantras written out so I could read them to get my mind right? How about a vision board with pictures of my goals or things that I am grateful for? Could I put all of these things in a little binder and have it sitting by the coffee maker to grab and spend a few minutes looking at?
The answer to all of these questions would be ‘yes’. It would not take much to make such a binder. Even to put a few inspiring affirmations on some sticky notes on the bathroom mirror. All it takes is a little self-discipline. Once these items are done, having a morning that begins with empowering thoughts is almost on autopilot. The notes, binder or whatever method you choose to use are right there for you to look at. It becomes part of your morning. Just like making a cup of coffee or brushing your teeth.
It is time for us to stop waking up in neutral and letting the world determine what kind of day we are going to have. It is time to take control of our own destiny and determine our own level of happiness. No phone, no news until we take time for ourselves and our emotional well-being. Are you with me?
Take a look at someone you really care about. Now imagine what that person would think if you were gone. What kind of memory would you be for that person? Would you be endless enjoyable and loving times together? Would they recall ways in which you hurt them with your words or actions? Would they know how you truly feel about them? This not only holds true for people younger than you such as your kids and grandkids. We never know when our time is up, or could be called into question at the very least. These moments could be just a phone call away.
That may sound a little dark to some, but that does not make it any less true. Any moment you spend with any person could be the last one you spend together. It could be something as simple as one of you moving away. There have been some friends that I have personally had in my life that come to mind. You think you would get together and suddenly you are thousands of miles apart. Yes, you can still email, call or even have a video chat, but is that really that same? I think we can all agree it is not.
This idea really came to my attention when I had my heart surgery. It was November of 2021. My surgery was scheduled for the following January. Margie and I were out enjoying a movie. Foolishly, I had consumed too much coffee and had to run to the gents. While in there it occurred to me that this could be the last movie we ever see together. My heart surgery was far from a sure thing and there were some serious risks associated with it. I began to picture what life for Margie would be without me. Would she remember our moments together? For how long? Would they be loving memories or would she just be filled with pain and regret? It then came to my attention that I had two months to make sure I loved her the best I could. That was not a great deal of time.
Obviously, I made it through. There was a brief flirtation with death along the way. That whole journey can be found in my third book, The Beat Goes On. It would have been nice to have more time. The tricky part is that we never know how much time any of us have. Something could happen to us, or the other person. Then all that is left is the memories and it is too late to change them or add to them. Think again of that person you care about. If you or them were gone tomorrow, would you be a good memory? What can you do today to insure that?
On the journey to become the best version of ourself and live an amazing life, we have a tendency to overcomplicate things. If you want to discover the secrets to an amazing life and remain motivated to become the best version of yourself, it boils down to remembering two simple things. I even carry a coin that has both of them printed on it. The first can be seen in the photo above. Momento Mori. This is Latin for “Remember you must die.” It is a reminder that our time on earth is a finite and depreciating asset. Just the other night I was listening to a stand up comedian who mentioned someone said to him, “Look at this picture of me when I was younger.” He replied, “Every picture of you is when you were younger.” That is both funny and profound. Even in the digital era were pictures are captured and can be viewed in seconds, we are still that much older. Another way to look at it is that much of our life has already slipped away.
Time passes by in the blink of an eye. Above is a young me and the current me. Shocked and blessed I made it this far, a brief flirtation with death not withstanding. Chances are that over 50% of my life is already gone. Even the time exchanged for typing these words are minutes I will never get back. That is why it is so important to consider what we exchange the time for in our life. It is a our most valuable commodity and one that is constantly depreciating. Knowing that will hopefully spur us to use it wisely. Does that mean we should lock ourselves in our house and try to live the safest life we can? That brings us to the second thing we should remember. The one that is printed on the opposite side of my coin.
How do we make the most of our life as it continues to slip away? That brings us to the second thing we should remember if we want to live an amazing life. Memento Vivere. Latin for “Remember to live.” Do the things that feed your soul and not just your wallet. Worry more about the smiles on the faces of those you love than the bottom line on your bank balance. Spend time noticing the flowers and not just driving to work. This may all sound a little like ‘living with rose-colored glasses’. That is just a term the unenlightened use to describe those who have found the secret to falling in love with their life. It is often said with jealousy and envy. They are unable to get past the outside circumstances that challenge our emotional well-being.
Remembering to live is more than changing our actions. It is a change of mindset. It is seeing everything as the miracle it is. Helen Keller once famously said, “Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all.” Think of when you were a young child. Your life was one big adventure. Adventures contain ups and downs. If we are sheltering ourselves from living life to the fullest either out of fear or in an attempt to cling to the fictious feelings of comfort and security, we must know we are leaving a lot on the table. We are either enjoying life or we are wasting it. Even the struggles of life come to bring us lessons and experiences we could experience no other way. Be grateful for them as well. Develop an attitude of gratitude. Realize that life happens for you and not to you. If these concepts sound like positive thinking hype to you, realize that your cynical thinking may be preventing you from living life to the fullest.
When it comes to living an amazing life, keep it simple. Remember these two things and use them to propel your life to the successful level you deserve.
Day 7 on our 30 day journey of gratitude. Today we look back. We are going to talk about what memories that we are grateful for. It is important not to live in the past, but the right memories can feed our soul in tough times. They can also motivate us to recapture or create the next memory that we will be grateful for in the future. When you are asked what your favorite memory is, what is the first thing that pops into your mind? I will share a few of mine, including one that may surprise you. Then, I would love to hear what memories are your favorite in the comments.
Some of my favorite memories include times that I have made people’s dreams come true. I recall taking Margie to see her first palm tree in Las Vegas. She was so excited. Sadly, I could not find that picture. She always wanted to go to Jamaica and I was excited to make that happen for her as well. This was a picture from our trip to the Bahamas. We did so many things on that trip. She even held a shark! Vacations can be a very fun source of memories. So can doing something you know will turn into a memory. My mother and I visited our local museum that will be closing soon. We made sure to take in as much as we could. It was both fun and exciting. Although the prospect of never experiencing some of what we were ever again was a little bittersweet.
Here is something you might not consider being grateful for. I am grateful for memories of my mistakes. Why on earth would you be grateful for memories of your own mistakes? In my case the pain some of those memories still inflict are some of the greatest motivation to not make those same mistakes again. This has helped me in my health, my inner peace, my relationships and my career. Sometimes remembering how much hurt you felt when you made a mistake is the only motivation you need to not repeat the blunder.
How about you? What are some of your favorite memories? Are they fun memories or can you see the value in being grateful for some of the more painful memories as well? Please share with us in the comment below.
Above is a list of 30 days of gratitude. We did this a few year’s back and many of you asked for a repeat. We are going to take one day at a time. I’ll share my personal answer and you are welcome to do the same. Each day we will explore something new to be gratefulfor!
Our first answer involves one of the most powerful senses – smell! Do you know often realtors bake chocolate chip cookies in houses they are showing? It gives the perspective buyers a feeling of home. Smells have a unique path in our brains. That is why a scent can bring up a memory.
There are many different smells I am grateful for. I love the smell of damp earth when I am walking out in nature. I love the smell of a diner when you walk in. That mix of eggs, toast and coffee. I love the scents of coconut and vanilla. Anything that reminds me of vacation.
How about you? What are some of the smells you are grateful for? Are there some that bring back great memories? Share with us in the comments below!
Today we start a new week and a new month. I encourage you to start a new mindset and a new behavior as well. This one is simple, but not always that easy. Have you ever found yourself watching or listening to the news and getting fired up? Have you ever had your day turned upside down by the actions of a careless individual? Have you ever had someone do their best to start a disagreement with you? If you answered no to all of these questions, you must be living on an uninhabited island somewhere. Most of us have had at least one of these happen to us. It not only destroys our day, it destroys our inner peace.
You may be asking yourself what the big deal about getting upset is. There are several things that getting upset and sacrificing your inner peace will do to you. First, there is the physical cost. Higher blood pressure. Increased stress. What is the big deal about that? Let us look at the research. According to research 75 to 90% of all human diseases and illnesses are related to the activation of the stress system. Ponder that for a moment. On average, 8 out of 10 of your illnesses are because of stress! How much loss of wages and life enjoyment does illness cause? What is the long term damage? Chronic Stress is a significant contributor to such things as cardiovascular issues, cancer and diabetes. The first two being the top two leading causes of death. They all share the same common denominator – stress. Next time you are tempted to get fired up about an issue, stop and consider what that stress will do to you. Take a deep breath and say confidently, “My peace is more important.” By doing so you will eliminate almost all of your illnesses.
The second one is a little more obvious. Living a life where you are always getting pissed off sucks. It is rather cliche, but every minute you spend angry is 60 seconds of happiness you lose. You are not only giving control of your emotional well-being to these outside circumstances, you are also sacrificing your happiness for it. If that was not bad enough, you are never sure of how much time you have left. Morbid thought? Maybe. True thought? Absolutely. None of us are going to get out of this life alive. Those who will win the game of life are those who enjoy it the most. You certainly can’t enjoy it if you are letting outside circumstances and individuals determine your emotional state. If you find yourself angry, sad or depressed due to outside circumstances, start saying this mantra. Even if you are rather good at regulating your own emotions, I would recommend adding this mantra to your lexicon.
Your time on this planet is a finite and depreciating asset. Why spend any more of it sick, whether that is physically, mentally or emotionally, than you have to. We have seen that stress causes up to 90% of your illnesses. We have seen that the top 2 causes of death are related to elevated stress levels. Not to mention enjoying whatever time we have left of this beautiful planet, be that little or much, makes a lot more sense that sacrificing it for a negative emotional state. Your inner peace is more important than that. It is time to remind both ourselves and others that is the case.
This is a simple, yet powerful quote. In all of our lives we have had situations that have knocked us down. It could be a divorce, a sudden job loss, a health crisis or abuse of any kind. Most of the time, none of these are our faults. It is, however, 100% of our responsibility what we do with the situation that we are placed in. Eric Thomas said it best when he said, “It may not be your fault that you have been knocked down, but if I come back in a year and you are still laying there that is on you.”
In no way is this an attempt to belittle what you have been through. You may have been a victim of fate, the economy or even another person. That can be cruel and unfair. Whether you stay a victim is up to you. This does not mean it is easy. It does not mean crawling out of that situation will not be painful. What it does mean is that you have decided not to let them hurt you anymore. Every day that you use your circumstances as an excuse instead of motivation, you are giving power to them and taking away power from yourself. Yes, your boss may have fired you unfairly. Yes, the economic crash may have been brought on by rich politicians who could care less about the working class. None of that is your fault.
It is time to look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself these two important words – Now What? Your name was slandered by a cyber bully. Now what? You could seek revenge, which is a terrible waste of energy and can even end up adding validation to their accusations. Better option would be to commit to living your life in such a fashion that anyone who would speak against you would be the one to look foolish. You had no choice in the actions of the bully, but the responsibility in your response is all on you. Many people have had terrible childhoods filled with abuse that we can’t even imagine. Still, the responsibility falls on them to either heal or not. I am blessed to have friends who have took the painful journey of confronting their abuse, healing and now help others. I have seen others fall into a world of addiction and have their life end far too soon.
Whether we like it or not, there is no connection between fault and responsibility. None of what happened to you may be your fault, but your life is still your responsibility. This may seem unfair, but it is also terribly liberating and empowering. That means our past, as painful as it might have been, does not have to limit our future. It only will if we decide to let it. If you need help in your journey, reach out to a friend or a professional. Do not let your past determine your future.
My next book will address how to get out of the ‘wake up, pay bills, repeat, die’ cycle. How to get the passion back in your life. As such, I have been speaking to others a great deal on this very subject. Many different opinions as to the cause and the solution of this ailment have been put forth by people of all different cultures, creeds and races. The ironic part about all of this is that many of their answers share a common thread.
Why do we seemingly fall out of love with life? Why do we lose the zest and passion as we get older? More importantly, why do some seem to find it again while others never do? What can we do to get that excited to be alive feeling back into our own life? Asking many people this very question, the main point that came to light is that we do not spend much time pondering it. We often busy ourselves in routines that leave little or no time for contemplation or self-actualization. When was the last time you pondered this question yourself? When have you spent more than a few seconds wondering where all the joy and excitement in your life has disappeared to? What little spare time we have we seem to fill watching meaningless 60 second clips online.
The answer to this dilemma is a little counterintuitive. It can be found in the pictures above. Can you guess what it is? That answer goes by many names. Some call it comfort. Some call it security. It is sticking with the known routine instead of the fear of what could happen from pursuing a life that would be more fulfilling. How many people stay in relationships that are toxic just because they are afraid to be alone? How many people tolerate jobs they hate because they bring a steady paycheck? The answer is far too many. We trade the passion and excitement for perceived comfort and security. I say perceived because life, never mind jobs and relationships, are never a sure thing. Just because a company has been around forever does not mean it will be here tomorrow. In my lifetime, I have seen entire industries that have been here for decades or longer disappear seemingly overnight. I heard the actor Jim Carrey tell a story about his father deciding being an accountant was a safer bet than trying to be a comedian. Then he was fired from his accounting job. I am going to guess that job did not fulfill him either.
I am not advocating giving your boss the one finger salute and walking out the door because they do not give you a 6-month vacation twice a year. What I am telling you is that trading what sets your soul on fire for a preconceived notion of security amounts to spiritual suicide. If that spark in your heart seems faded or gone all together, the time to act is now! What do I mean by act? There are several actions you could take. Start a side hustle that feeds your soul. It could be creating content, bird watching or taking photos. Speaking of taking things, you need to take some risks as well. Nothing that will put you or those you love in danger, but try the things you are afraid of. They might not succeed at first, but you may very well discover the joy you have been missing.
Another thing you can do to recapture your zest for life is to do something that sucks. Again, it may sound counterintuitive but it breeds appreciation for the daily comforts you have taken for granted. There are things we avoid that could improve our lives because they are uncomfortable to do. Perhaps we are putting off writing that book that is inside of us because we just do not have the time. Make no mistake, you have the time. When you are in the middle of doing something that feeds your soul, even if it includes some discomfort, you find the time, the energy and the motivation.
Pushing through discomfort can actually become addicting. Not the act of going through the discomfort itself, but the pride you feel at the end of it. That is the tricky part. We avoid discomfort, but by doing so we also avoid the variety and excitement it brings. The sense of adventure. The pride we feel at the end. The quote above has been attributed to many people and is very true. “Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.” We want the accomplishments and the feelings that go with them, but we are afraid to give up the comfort we currently have to get them. Instead, we settle for some sort of purgatory where we have a false feeling of security, but we are not truly happy. That is why often those who lose their jobs, relationships or other important things in life and are forced to start over often wind up being happier than they were before. They are forced to deal with that discomfort and have the freedom to pursue what speaks to their soul.
Are you a slave to the comfort in your life? What would happen if the perceived security you thought you had crumbled? What have you been sacrificing in your life for comfort? Is there something in your life that must die for you to get to your heaven? Is that thing the comfort and security you are clinging too? Try stepping outside your comfort zone and see what happens.
Above is a rather sobering photo from our local museum, which is set to relocate later this year. If you look really close, you can also see my mother sticking her face into the group of other souls posing for the picture. One day both her and I will look like them.
Look closely at the photo. Study each of the skulls there. Now answer a few of these questions. Which one of those people were the richest? Which one was even the tallest or best looking? You might think these are stupid questions. How can you tell anything about a person after they pass away? We all look the same. That is the point I am making here. At a certain point, we all look the same. We all end up a pile of bones. In life, many of us spend an insane amount of time, energy and resources on looking the best, or standing out. In today’s world, everyone wants to be famous. That is all well and good, but ask yourself what you are looking to be remembered for. Is it looking like the next hot model or dashing gentleman? How long does that last? Maybe one of the skulls above belonged to a supermodel?
A better word to consider is legacy. If you want to be immortal think about what you will leave behind, not what you can take with you. Will you be remembered as someone who added something to the world when they were here? If you work it right, your legacy will outlive you. It is one of the main reasons I write this blog and my books and videos. I hope to reach, inspire and empower people long after I am gone. How about you? Again I am reminded of that quote from Denzel Washington, “I never saw a U-Haul behind a hearse.” You can’t take it with you no matter how hard you try. Therefore, your wealth for eternity will be more determined by what you give and not what you get. Consider this when you are looking to stand out from the crowd.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 