Tag: Motivation

DON’T CONFUSE THE TWO

This is a tough one. When we are emotionally hurt it can leave a scar worse than a physical scar. Sometimes we even have a habit of dating the same kind of people who treat us poorly. If you couple that with the intense emotional pain that we feel it is so wonder our brains can link things together and come up with some pretty strange conclusions! We can believe all relationships cause pain. Of course we can look around and see proof that is not true. You can get hurt in most relationships, but if two people truly care about each other it becomes an opportunity for growth and becoming closer. The abusive, painful relationships are not relationships at all. There is no relating or respect, but instead more of a using. When we get hurt it may be difficult to realize that, but realize it we must or we prevent ourselves from experiencing all the wonderful things a healthy relationship can offer.

Not only relationships can be affected by this way of thinking. For example, I was bitten by the same type of dog on several occasions. Most dogs rather enjoy my company and I must confess I enjoy their company far more than some humans I have come across. Still the link to the physical pain and the fact is was the same breed and I am not the biggest fan of those particular dogs. That is a link I formed in my head. I could have developed the belief that all dogs were bad, or even lost my love for animals. Luckily I had many fun and not painful experiences before that so those never came to be.

So let us look at our beliefs and see how we came to develop them and if they have any validity. Perhaps we have drawn the wrong conclusions. Maybe in my case I happened across some bad dog owners? Perhaps I need to learn to modify my behavior around those types of dogs or learn more about them?

If ever we have beliefs that are absolute such as “All men are bad” “All people of this belief are bad” we need to really take a look at them more closely. Very rarely do things in this world fit in absolutes. Even gravity is known to work a little sketchy in certain parts of the world. Please share this blog post and website with those you car for.

START A FUNDRAISER

I like this saying because it can be rather profound. Of course there is several meanings i see in this picture. 

First, if we view our work as a fundraiser for our lives it can change our perception of our work. When you realize what your money allows you to do, even if it is just paying the bills, you slowly shift how you feel. Even though work will remain frustrating at times there begins to enter a feeling of gratitude. Sure we would all like to earn more money, but the fact we are earning some allows us to love in a climate controlled house with clean water whenever we need. It allows us to eat everyday. Sure we might want steak instead of fast food more often, but we rarely go to bed hungry. This puts us so far ahead of most of the world that even if we don’t have the fancy car, exotic vacation or other things we might desire we still have a lot to be grateful for. 

Second, perhaps we need to add to the fundraising aspect. If we set up a special savings account, or even a coffee can we contribute to designated for a fun special purpose it can motivate us when work is challenging. 

So this week set up that account (or fun bank) pick a fun purpose and start saving what you can, even change. Then notice all the bills you are able to pay thanks to your job. It may not seem like fun, but try to imagine life without them. 

We all serve a great purpose

Today a lot of us celebrate Christmas. If you are anything like me you are running around last minute looking for the perfect gift. Do you go wine? Gift cards? Coffee? There are a million different options! Still there is one perfect gift for any holiday.

That gift is the gift of help. Being the light in someone’s darkness. The gift of time, understanding and just listening are something that you can’t buy even if you are Bill Gates. It also makes you one of the most valuable people to have in anyone’s life. How valuable is a good friend who listens to you? To me I love gifts that people make and put their heart and soul in, but even better is the gift of time. Those wonderful souls who bring light to my world and make me smile are the gifts I treasure all year long.

So you want to make someone’s holiday? Call them up and ask how they’re doing. Give them time to really tell you. Shovel your neighbor’s sidewalk. Give your time and money to your favorite charity. Be someone who always brings a smile to a room when you walk in, and to the souls of all you know. Share a smile. Share an encouraging word. Share love and respect with all this holiday season. Thank you and feel free to share this blog.

WAITING….

I am currently nominated for best author in Milwaukee. The reason I mention this is that I have been waiting to discover the results since the voting ended December 1st. They plan to announce the winners on January 17th at a big party.

This seems like an eternity for me, but gives me plenty of chances to reflect. One, on the gratitude I feel for being nominated. It is not an ego thing, but an honor that so many people value the work I put my heart and soul into creating with hope that I can leave the world a better place then when I arrived. It also has me thinking of why I would desire to achieve such accolades. I am normally not the kind of person who chases titles or recognition, so why do I find myself waiting with excitement? It is the reason I desire to win in the first place. Winning will allow me more exposure. Sounds funny for someone who doesn’t need a trophy, but it is what that exposure will allow me to do.

Having been recognized as the best author in the city I live in will allow me to bring my  message of hope and positivity to many more souls. Helping people who may not have been exposed to me if not for this award. Realizing all of this had me thinking about what I can do while I am waiting. I have begun to more actively search for new speaking engagements and how to promote myself better. All this should result in me realizing my life mission even more. That mission is to help people see the beauty in themselves, others and the world around them.

If you have any ideas to help spread this message please feel free to leave them in the comments below. Also feel free to share this website with friends and family that may enjoy a little motivation and inspiration.

BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE AROUND

Your vibe attracts your tribe.  This is a very interesting statement. It can be found on some of the most intense law of attraction and self-improvement websites. Do you know where else it can be found? On the playgrounds and in the classrooms of even the earliest years of school. You see as children we know if you would like to be around positive people you have to emulate some of what they do. Yet as adults we seem to forget that. We complain about the negative people we are around and how much they ruin our day. We are jealous of all the fit people we see, but seldom inquire about any of their training tips.

So here is my simple tip for today. Be who you are trying to be. That may sound silly but if you change your vibe, your mind and body will follow. It is almost a ‘fake it until you make it’ way of thinking. What you are doing is deciding what kind of person you want to be, or even be surrounded by and then asking yourself these all important questions, “What would that person that I want to be say?”” What would they eat?” “How would this person think?” “What would they think about?” “How would they treat others?” If you come up with answers start being that person. Soon the reality and the friends and connections will show up to support you. If you cannot find answers to these questions then it is time to model. Not take a walk down the runway, but watch somebody who has the group of friends you would like to have or the position or spouse you would like to have. Then incorporate some of what works for them into your life.

Notice I said ‘incorporate’. This does not mean copy. If this person makes people laugh, then you should use your own sense of humor to do the same, or maybe even develop one. Do they always seem to dress well? Maybe it is time to update your wardrobe. Are there certain phrases they use? Just remember you may have to work a little to convince your mind you would like to emit a new vibe. Pay attention to what kind of feelings you are giving off. Maybe inquire with a few close trusted friends to ask what kind of vibe you give off. I think I will conclude here and do just that.

Feel free to share any thoughts you have on the statement – your vibe attracts your tribe – and how it has worked in your life. Also, as always feel free to share this post!

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU MAKE A MISTAKE 

All of us make mistakes. What we do after will affect how much that mistake will affect us. The first thing we should do after making a mistake is own up to it. When you deny making any mistakes you actually separate yourself from others. When you own your failures as well as your successes you give yourself a lot more control. So we have got to the point of admitting that you are the one who made the mistake. What is the next logical step?

The next thing to do is to begin to put forth the effort to fix the mistake. If this mistake involves another person a good idea is to offer a heart felt apology. Let me pause for just a minute here to make a very important point. Saying your sorry is not the end of your job here. In fact, it is a very good beginning. I wrote a blog post quite some time ago called ‘A broken plate’. You are welcome to go back and read it, but for the sake of time I will give you the theme in a nutshell. There was a gentleman who kept hurting peoples feelings, apologized but did not change his actions. Eventually a wise teacher explained to him what was wrong by breaking a plate. He told the man to say he was sorry to the plate. He then asked if that did anything to put the plate back together. The man said “Of course not”. Which brings us to our next point.

Offering an explanation for your actions without making an excuse can help clear up any confusion in the future. Again, explaining why you broke the plate will also do little to put it back together. You must take actions to do so. In the plate example the man glued the plate back together. The teacher noted even though the plate was now back in one piece it was no longer the same. This can hold true of our mistakes. By taking actions to correct them, we can put things back together but we must understand there might be lingering issues. To this let me add one thing. I have read about a tradition of gluing broken pottery together using gold glue. That way the cracks then become something of beauty. In many ways this can be true of mistakes. When we own up to them, sincerely apologize, take action to correct them and work with the other parties involved to come up with a plan to avoid them in the future we can actually improve our relationships and grow closer.

Here is one other positive on making mistakes. It never feels good to say that you are the one who messed up, but know there are very few opportunities equal to this one to show the strength of your character as well as your dedication to making things right. Mistakes are one of the greatest opportunities we have for growth. We must take advantage of that. So next time you mess up, do not just say sorry and walk away. Think of what you can do to fix the damage and what you can do to avoid the same mistake in the future. Then you have just turned a mistake into a lesson.

MY LATEST YOUTUBE VIDEO. GREAT STUFF!

Here is my latest YouTube video. i explain the one thing you can do to make it through the valleys of life easier, while enjoying the peaks more!

LOOK TO THE FUTURE 

Yesterday we discussed one way in which people are able to meet and overcome challenges . Today we are going to look at another way. As a bonus this will not only help you not get overwhelmed by your challenges, but also give you some motivation. Sound too good to be true? Let us take a look.

One of the things that became evident when looking at the difference between those who maintain a positive disposition and those who find their mood at the mercy of their circumstances is whether or not they have one thing. This one thing can make the difference on what you feel like when you get up in the morning, how everything that happens to you during the day, be it good or bad, feels. What is this powerful secret that can give you inner strength and motivation?

A COMPELLING FUTURE.

Stop and think about what that means to you. Do you have a compelling future? Of all the people I work with at the Post Office I would say 90% of them do not have a compelling future. When I asked them their plans for the future I received such answers as “I just want to make it to retirement”, “I want to get out of debt for once”, and the ever popular “I just want to make it through today”. With future plans like that it is hard to live an inspired life. If you notice most of them are focused on their challenges. Whether the years they have left to work, the debt they have or even the challenges of the day. They are pushing their way to their future. Think of pushing a boulder up a hill, not even knowing what is at the top of that hill. When I asked these people what happens when they do retire, or get out of debt or even make it home at the end of the day most of them gave me some version of the same answer, “I don’t know. I guess I will figure it out then”. They didn’t even know what completion of their goal would bring them. Not very inspiring to say the least. When you do not have a clear and compelling goal for the future and suddenly you face a challenge it can seem overwhelming.

Now let us look at the other 10%, the group we become part of with a compelling future. When I asked them about their plans for the future I received answers such as “I am saving to buy a ranch to raise horses on when I retire” and “I plan on opening up my own travel agency”. One person even have a different take on the ‘make it through the day’ answer. They said “I’m looking forward to going on a date with my wife tonight”. Notice the difference. These people all had a goal, or ‘prize’ if you will at the top of the hill. Instead of pushing that boulder up a hill not even knowing what they may see when they get there. These people knew clearly what would be there and it pulled and compelled them to keep going. Although what they were doing presently may not have been that enjoyable for most, which included driving around in the snow delivering mail. Those who had a clear goal of why they were doing it were better able to make it through and do so with a more positive disposition.

So what about your future goals? How can we stay inspired and use them to keep going when the going gets tough? I asked the man who was wanting to buy the ranch did he just think of the ranch when needed to be inspired? Obviously he didn’t have all of the funds he needed right now. He told me another little secret. He told me he did little things he could do now. He thought of names for his ranch. He looked at designs for cabins he might like to have there. He even drew maps with the layout of the ranch. He also had decided what part of the country he wanted to locate his ranch. He also began pricing the things he would need fences, lumber etc. I asked him if that became overwhelming and depressing when he added it all up? He told me it actually inspired him to contribute to the savings account he set up for just such a purpose. He also told me it inspired him to work harder and not mind extra hours that he sometimes had to put in, knowing he was getting closer to his ranch.

This would obviously work for the person wanting the travel agency or any other goal you might have. Do the little things you can at the moment. Design a logo, develop a business plan, set up a saving account, do your research and make connections with people who could help. Even the man who was looking forward to his date told me he thought about his wife, how beautiful she was, how much he was looking forward to the meal and the relaxing time they would share. My only caution here is the motivation will only last the day, but that is better that not having any at all.

So feel free to share your compelling future plans as well as the things you do right now to work towards them. As always feel free to share this post as well.

LIFE-CHANGING THOUGHT 

I have been involved in the field of self-improvement for over two decades. What I tend to notice is a lot of the great ideas are shared by many different people. The more i study, the more common truths are revealed. Sometimes hearing something one more time, or perhaps in a different wording can bring a whole new level of wisdom. Such is the quote above.

I happen to be a person who loves  knowledge. If there is something that interests me i love to learn all about it. This is overall a trait about myself of which i am very fond. It does, however, come with a few ‘side effects’. One of which is I strongly dislike looking foolish or ignorant. This used to keep me from trying new things. After all when learning anything new there is a period of looking awkward and foolish. Recently with the help of friends and the support of the lady in my life i have been learning to get past that. After all this blog would not exist if I had not started and learned as i went. 

Another trait I am working on is control. We all like to have control over many aspects of our lives and be given what is generally a false sense of security. Inevitably, life will show us how foolish that is by introducing us to things we have no hope of controlling such as the weather and the actions of others. Still many of us, myself included, tend to just find ways to “do better next time” or find ways to limit the effect of outside stimulus.

What all of this can lead to is a lot of stress and disappointment. Trying to “know it all”or “do it all perfectly” is insanity. As I mentioned earlier accepting that has been one of this year’s greatest accomplishments. It has reduced my stress considerably. 

Still, upon hearing this quote from Rumi I believe there is more to it. Approaching life as a willing student wanting to learn, can  teach me far more than trying to know it all. Looking for the miracle in everything I witness will not only eliminate the stress, but full me with a kind of bliss I have not experienced since i was a child.

So I invite you to join me on selling our cleverness for bewilderment, or wonder as I would prefer to say. Look for the divine and the miracle in everything you see. feel free to leave your experience in the comments below.

POWERFUL, SIMPLE BUT A GREAT CHALLENGE 

What I’m about to share with you is something that can have a tremendous effect on your life. It is simple and may in fact be something you already know. this simple thing, however, is very difficult to master. 

I am often asked for the ‘secret’ to my happy life. How in the face of challenges do i more often than not remain positive. It is through this practice, of which i am still working on, that my inner peace and positivity have been developed. 

Before i share exactly what it is i strive to do, please allow me to put forth a question. Do you know someone, perhaps the person in the mirror who often finds themselves overwhelmed and burned out by their daily lives? Do you also know someone who is always full of life and eager for what is next? In life most of us have experienced a little bit of both. Sadly, most of us live in the former. 

So how do we fill our life with passion and energy? The answer is at once both simple and perhaps our greatest challenge. In a nutshell there are only 2 thought patterns worth spending our daily energy on. 

First is the present moment and what good we can find in it. This provides its own challenge especially in difficult situations. Staying present can at once allow us to savor good moments and put challenging ones in perspective . 

The second thought pattern is what can i do in the near future to create the outcome i desire or at least move closer to it. 

The past has its purpose in teaching us and noticing patterns of behavior , but to dwell and live in the past (the ‘if only’ thought pattern) robs us of our present moment and the opportunities of joy it contains. Not to mention there is no transformational value to Dwelling on the past. No matter how much we cry over spilled milk it will not put it back in the glass. 

The same holds true with living in the future. True, it is important to know where we want to go and to set goals. Even taking brief trips to the future to visualize what we want to happen is helpful. Then it is time to return to the present and take actions that will lead us in that direction. Living in the future  (the ‘i will be happy when’ pattern of thinking) also robs of the joy in the present moment. 

When sharing this with a recent coworker she remarked how difficult this can be. The passing of loved ones, trouble at work,  an impending divorce all take our attention elsewhere. Momentarily that is ok, but spending a great deal of time there drains our emotional energy and leaves us little if anything to show for it. 

Is this easy? Not at all. In fact daily i am still working on it. One thing is for sure, it is worth it.  When you find yourself able to stay present and focused you will experience a sense of inner peace and joy that is hard to explain. I  welcome your ideas for staying present and limiting worry in the comments below