Here is a 30-day secret to an amazing life – find the beauty in everything. Some things this is easy to do. It could help you to start with those. Find the beauty in a sunrise or sunset. One of my favorites is finding beauty in different tropical locations. The first week of this challenge, just do that. Find as many beautiful things in your life as you can.
The next week, try the people in your life. Just notice all of the beautiful people in your life. Remember that beauty is not always just skin deep. Some people have beautiful eyes, some people have beautiful souls. Bodies can be beautiful, but so is kindness. Notice how the people in your life are beautiful.
The third and fourth weeks are very similar. On the third week, ask yourself as often as you can, “What is beautiful about this situation?” As mentioned earlier, this should be easier for a sunrise than a root canal. If we look hard enough, we can find beauty in it all. If you can’t at the moment, just relax and let it go. You can even reassure yourself, “Although I cannot find the beauty in this situation at the moment, I’m sure it will occur to me at a later time.” Going to the dentist is not always a beautiful situation, but how much better it allows you to feel is.
Lastly, do the same with people. Ask yourself, “What is beautiful about this person?” When I do this with the woman I love, it could take all day. In that case, ask yourself what you are finding beautiful about that person at the moment. This is easy when you are around people you care about, unless you are in the middle of a disagreement. In which case, it can be even more powerful to ask yourself what you find beautiful about them.
Again, this is far easier to do for some people than others. If there is a customer tearing into you for no good reason, it can be hard to find the beauty in that. Maybe it is just that they are helping you strengthen your patience or resilience? Often the beauty in things can only be seen in hindsight. Just like with situations, if you can’t find the beauty in a person, let it go and remind yourself it may occur to you later.
What is the purpose of all of this? The more we look for beauty, the more likely we are to find it. There is so much beauty in our lives that we miss much of it. Changing our focus to find it will make our lives more beautiful.
Last post we talked about what it takes to be an angel among us. I want to touch a little on my own personal angel and in doing so, share some insight that occurred to me while enjoying this amazing lady. Above is a picture of my lovely Margie. We have been together for quite some time now. The other morning I was reminded how grateful I am to have such an angel in my life.
On this particular morning, Margie was telling me all of the work she had to do to prepare for the market that the bakery her and her daughter own will be at. Looking across the table I was struck by how beautiful she was. The way that she can be creative with the desserts she makes for the masses. The work she puts in to make it happen. Not to mention her actual physical beauty. Later that morning I was meeting my mother for coffee so I had to leave her.
As I got into the car, I was still thinking of the life I share with this wonderful lady. We really have survived a lot together. There has been financial struggles, death of those we care about, plus the pains and misunderstandings that come with two different people trying to live life together. It was that last thought that really got me thinking. How had we made it through all of the miscommunications and misunderstandings? How had the passionate disagreements not torn us apart?
It was the fact that we decided that our love and respect for each other was worth more that whatever was coming between us at the moment. We had learned that when trouble comes, we can lean on each other and not away from each other. The fact is we learned. In an age where everything from cars to computers are easier and cheaper to replace than repair, the same often happens with relationships. You may avoid the initial argument at the time, but unless you heal what leads to those situations, you are just bound to experience the same thing with a new person.
What makes Margie so special to me is not just her amazing smile and heart-warming hugs. No, it is the memory of seeing that smile after she had struggled. It is feeling that hug when I was struggling. It is the love that fought to continue when our egos may have encouraged us to leave. Learning to forgive and to compromise only serves to make love and life more beautiful. Is it easy? Not at all. That is what makes it so beautiful. I am so grateful that I have found someone to share my life with and will continue to work to ensure we will always have each other.
The world can sure seem a crazy place these days. It would seem the news coming at us from every direction can be of wars, political division, or some other personal or global tragedy. Even conversations with friends can often include one, or several, of these. That is why it is so appreciated when someone comes into our lives and brings a little magic. These people are what I believe are angels.
Whether you believe in angels in the divine sense, or can just acknowledge that people who bring love and joy to others are a special group, there are angels among us. Every morning I can look across the table and see one. My lovely lady has brought more into my life than I can convey. More importantly, she has prevented a lot of bad things. We will touch more on that in tomorrow’s post. I want to share a story about a lady who blessed not only my mother’s day, but the day of everyone who happened to be with us at the coffee shop that day.
As I mentioned, my mother and I were enjoying time at the local coffee shop we both like. It had been quite some time since we got together due to unforeseen circumstances. We were both looking forward to some great conversation and a little relaxing time with a cup of coffee. As we were enjoying ourselves, in walked one of the workers, Dana. She was not working at the moment. Just came for a beverage herself. What she brought with her changed the day for everyone there. She had brought several roses and proceeded to give them to all of the ladies, workers and customers that were in the coffee shop that day.
When a stranger comes up and hands you a rose for no reason other than to brighten your day, it does just that. Not only did she put smiles on the faces of those who received the flowers, but everyone witnessing this act of selfless kindness. In a mad world, these random acts of kindness are angelic! Everyone left the coffee shop with a little more joy in their heart and a lot more smiles on their face. What prompted this young lady to be so kind? I am not sure, but I can tell you in improved the day for everyone present!
Here is the thing about Dana’s actions – it is something any of us could do. The actions themselves are made special by the fact that not many people have the thought or motivation to do such things. Here is the exciting part. We all can. That’s right! Dana reminded all of us that we can be angels in someone, or anyone’s life. You could bring in treats for your coworkers. You could make a donation to a charity you believe in. You could leave a larger than normal gratuity for a server that you know could use it.
With the holidays coming up, there will be plenty of opportunities to commit random acts of kindness. Something to keep in mind is that this is often the hardest time of the year for many. Your act of kindness may be the greatest gift given to someone. What is stopping us from being angels? A little selfless love for our fellow humans and a few random acts of kindness.
We often make happiness some complex realm that takes years to get to. It is even a multi-billion dollar business. These three simple rules can supply you with more happiness than you can imagine. Can doing three things really bring you happiness? Let us look at them one at a time to find out how we can.
The first one is having zero expectations of others. This can be so helpful in any relationship from business to intimate. Expecting people to have the same standards and beliefs we have is not only foolish and unrealistic, it will lead to conflict and disappointment on our behalf. Everyone has experienced life differently. They have their own unique way of looking at the world. The best we can do is to kindly explain ours, and do the best to understand theirs. When we feel people have let us down, it would serve us a lot more to try to understand why verses condemn them. Communication and conveying standards is essential, but so is compassion and understanding.
The next is taking 100% responsibility for our own lives. Let me tell you how freeing this is. The more we place the blame for our circumstances in life on other people or things, the more we relinquish control of our life to those very people or things. If it is your boss’s fault you are having a bad day, than it is your boss who would have to change that. If the person in the blue car who drove across 2 lanes of traffic to turn in front of you (actually happened to me on the way to write this) made you mad, than they have the power to control your emotions. The more responsible for your life and your emotions you are, the more control of them you have. Would you not want control of your own life? If you need help on this, I would recommend the book, Extreme Ownership, by Jocko Willink.
The last is being grateful. If you have read anything that I have wrote, you know that I cannot encourage people to be grateful enough. Gratitude really does change your life faster than anything else I know. Look at the picture above and the multitude of things in life we have to be grateful for. The list is really never ending. Even when life seems negative, gratitude is the other side of coin. Take the worst situation in life – losing someone you love. When we are sad thinking about the loss, we can help ease our pain a little by feeling grateful for the opportunity to know and love them. Will it erase the pain entirely? Of course not, nothing will. What it will do is give us another perspective. You would not miss someone so much if you did not love them a great deal. Loving someone and being able to share a portion of life with them, no matter how great or small, is something to be grateful for.
Here is a secret. The more you occupy your mind and heart with gratitude, the less you leave room for negative emotions. If you are keeping score at home, that means more positive emotions and less negative emotions. That is a win/win situation and one that will lead to a happier life.
As you can see, happiness really can be had by utilizing these three methods. It will take some time and practice, but it can be done. The more you work on making these three things a part of your life, the more happy it will become.
Here is a picture of a sign from the 50th birthday party my lovely lady threw me about a month ago. With our insanely busy lives, we forgot to take it down until today. Here is a pretty cool aspect of that forgetting. Every morning I leave for work at about 4:30 in the morning. On my way to the car, I catch this sign out of the corner of my eye. My first thought is not that it would be far too early to remove the sign, or that I leave such little time to get to work that I do not have the time to stop and attend to such matters. My first thought is so much more powerful and helpful to starting my day off right.
No, the first thought that comes to mind is how much effort and love must have went into throwing me that party. Realizing you are that loved, by someone so amazing, is the best way to start the day. Even though the sign is down now, I will still see it in my head and feel the same way. Funny how when you train your mind to see what you have to be grateful for in your life, everything feels so amazing. This woman puts a smile on my face even at 4 in the morning when she is still blissfully sleeping.
Speaking of great memories, the above photo is yet another example. That is the afore-mentioned lovely lady and I enjoying a little coffee. In case you have not heard, Starbucks is closing over 500 of its locations and one of them was a location we had been to many times. This was the last day it was open and I thought it would be a good idea to create one more memory there. We stopped and spoke with some of the workers about their future plans. Margie even made friends with a dog she saw. Now, every time that I drive by that location, I will remember not only all of the great memories we had there, but this last day they were open when I was able to share one last coffee with the woman I love.
This is yet another example of a memory that we created at this particular coffee shop. We were both working on bringing my second book, Living the Dream, to creation. This post is not about living in the past, but rather being present enough to consider what great memories certain situations would create. It is also about creating and appreciating new ones. Today I am taking my love to the movies to see a film we have never seen and to a new restaurant for dinner. This will be creating two new memories to treasure into the future. When you are able to look back with an attitude of gratitude, it makes all of life magical. Even the hard days seem like a victory.
This world is pretty crazy right now. What can we do to bring a little more sense and a lot more peace to it? Adopt this as our mission. That is to be a light in an often dark world. If you make your mission to lift others up and to give them hope and belief in themselves, you will have not only made their world a better place, you will have made the world a better place.
Think of how much better we could all be if someone helped remind us how worthy we are. If someone showed us our magic again. We all have it. Inside each and every one of us lies the ability to change the world for everyone we come in contact with. If that isn’t a superpower, I do not know what is. We should adopt this as our mission in life.When we do, we will not only see our world change for the better, but we will begin to see the world around us improve as well.
I cannot say this enough, so apparently I will say it again today. If you are really searching for the secret to an amazing life, and if you are reading this site I can only assume you are, start with changing your focus to gratitude. Why do we focus on this one emotion so much here? Gratitude is so powerful that if you truly put it to use in your life, it will turn the life you have into the life you love. It will feel like magic. Why? Because life really is magical. We have just become blind to it. It is like walking over a diamond in the sidewalk on the way to work everyday. Actually, it is better than that. Having an attitude of gratitude is more valuable than a diamond.
Have you ever noticed how your thoughts affect your mood? Your mood, after all, is your life. If you are angry and pissed off, your world will be angry and pissed off. If you are someone who is always looking for the beauty in what is around them, you will be someone who always sees the world as beautiful, even in the darkest of times. If you want to live a life that is amazing, you must start to look for and focus on what is amazing. To help this, try speaking about what is amazing. Speak of your blessings. Les Brown once said, “Nobody wants to hear your problems. 80% don’t care and 20% are glad it is you.” That is not to say don’t reach out if you need help, just that you focus on your blessings.
In life we all have struggles. We also all have blessings. Look around you. There is so much beauty and joy to be discovered it is inconceivable. Look at the face of someone you love. Think of how much they love you despite all of your quirks and flaws. Think of the beauty and kindness of all the souls you cross paths with. Every person blesses the world in ways we may never understand. Begin by sharing one thing you are grateful for every day with others. See how much this transforms your life. Imagine how you make others feel when you enter a room with the phrase, “Do you know what I am so grateful for today?” It may encourage others to acknowledge all of the blessings in their life as well.
One of the secrets to an amazing life is to have a strong ‘why’. Knowing the reason you are doing things, or the goal you are striving for will allow you to make it through some pretty tough challenges. You do not have to even being chasing a specific goal. Sometimes the challenge can be working to become the best version of yourself. Sometimes that challenge can be remaining a decent human in a world that is trying to change that. It is then that you can really be tested. Why go to work when everyone else at your place of employment is always calling in sick? Why work so hard when most of your wages go for a government that cannot balance their own budget? These are thoughts we all have at some point in time.
When you are busy saving for that vacation, or gifts for a loved one, it is easier to get up and get out of bed. Most of the time, we are working just to keep the lights on and a roof overhead. This is not as inspiring. Even becoming the best version of ourselves is not the most motivating on the hardest days. What then? The answer is not why, but ‘who’.
If you need an outside source of motivation and inspiration, look no further than those you love. Eric Thomas does a whole video on this, but we can look at it in a nutshell. For me, on the days that I do not feel like being the best version of me, I look at a picture of my beautiful lady. She does so much to show she loves me, how could I not give her the best version of me? She believes in me, even when I do not believe in myself. I think of my mother who raised me. Would she really want to be responsible for a man who grew to be less than he could be? How about my friends who are struggling and could use an example of perseverance? Of course, you – the wonderful readers of this blog. I owe it to all of you who spend your time and energy to read and apply what we share here.
Next time you are tempted to stay in bed and rest, or not give your best on a project, ask yourself some tough questions. “Do I love sleep more than I love having the respect of my spouse?” “Would being lazy be more rewarding than my children respecting the person I am?” Even though you already know the answers, ask them anyway. It may lead to you begrudgingly going ahead with what you have to do, but you will be able to lay your head down and sleep with peace that night. You will learn that often the best ‘why’ is really a ‘who’.
It is a sad fact that many people today feel like they do not count. That could not be further from the truth. We all matter despite what others and the world may tell us. In my own life, when I begin to feel down and like I need a reminder of my significance, I found the best way to accomplish both of those is to be a blessing to others. By doing so, I not only feel valuable knowing that I brought good to the life of another, but I know from all of those who bring good to my life how much that matters.
Being a blessing can happen in so many ways. For a few ideas, read our last post, 3 steps to paradise. You can inspire someone with your thoughts. This can be a simple prayer for someone or just sending them some good vibes. Feeling grateful for someone can put a smile on your face as well. Another way to be a blessing is to vocalize these thoughts. Sharing a kind word with others is such a blessing these days. Kind words can be rare making them not only valuable, but a true blessing. Lastly, you can do a good deed for someone. Buy a coffee for the one you love, give someone a card for no reason. Even a welcoming hug a sharing a smile with a stranger can be more of a blessing than you know.
You matter. You are a blessing. We all are. Let us be blessings for others today.
Last post we discussed how we can recapture a little of the excitement of youth by remembering how cool things we used to do in treehouses and blanket forts were and comparing them with what we can do in our own homes. We ended that post by observing that our appreciation for the simple things tends to fade as we grow older. We do not find hiding in a blanket fort with our love as exciting as landing in Jamaica, or wherever our choice vacation destination is. Obviously, there are many more benefits to traveling to a luxury resort in a tropical paradise. Especially if you live in the freezing climate like my lady and I do.
What I am about to share with you is a very powerful secret to not only an amazing life, but an amazing relationship. Sit down, get comfy, but pay close attention. Using this secret will both deepen your connection with your partner and increase the amount of joy you experience on those tropical getaways. The best part we haven’t even mentioned. It will have you experiencing more joy on a daily basis. How about that for something amazing? You will grow closer to your partner, those special moments will feel more magical and you will experience more peace and joy in your heart daily. Does that sound like something you might be willing to give a try?
The answer lies in what we do in those seemingly little moments. I say ‘seemingly’ because that is how we view them. They are, however, the basis of what makes our life what it is. If you wait to bring magic to your relationship until there is a special occasion, what are you doing the rest of the time? Les Brown said there are very few couples who are living together. Most of us are just dying together. That is an uncomfortable truth. Do you spend your days arguing about who is going to make the bed or take out the garbage? Try making the bed together while talking about how great it will be to snuggle together in it later. When you take out the garbage, ponder how amazing it is that you can afford all the the things that generate this refuse and send a feeling of gratitude that there is someone who takes care of that garbage for you.
You may be thinking to yourself, “Yeah right. Happy making the bed and taking out the garbage?” It might sound far fetched, but stop and think for a minute. How happy would you be to make your own bed after being homeless? Can you even imagine being homeless? How about having to dig a pit and bury your refuse in your back yard. How long would you like to do that? Here is the million dollar secret in case you have missed it. Why should you even put fourth effort to find the joy and magic in these ordinary tasks? Simple. You do them every damn day. The difference between feeling like you are being dragged to do something you do not want to do verses something that you get to do and finding the joy in it, can transform the way your life feels on a daily basis!
One of the areas that I have found can be mined for joy and drawing closer to your partner is the grocery store. Watching what hot sauce they pick out and enjoy so you can surprise them with it at a later date. Talking about what kind of meals you would like to make together, or maybe picking out a new food to try together. That can be fun! That is not to say that every trip to the grocery store will be a magical experience. Margie and I have distinctively different shopping techniques and when we are tired and overworked this can lead to not so magical moments. It is then that having the experience of how to make it magical is more important than ever.
Here is the added bonus. When you learn to appreciate all the small moments in life, the big ones become even more magical. Take that view leading to the beach in the lower right corner. Truly a beautiful sight. Taking the time to hold my lady’s hand and experience it together, that made it more magical. The pigs in the upper left corner? We swam with them in the ocean and then fed them on shore. Watching my love interact with them and sharing our adventures with each other gave us memories for years to come. These are not things that happen overnight. Working on communication and relating to each other allowed us to better appreciate the moment together. That made the trip, and our time together on it, even more magical.
These two events play off of each other. What we learn in discovering the magic of daily life helps us to better appreciate our exciting time away. We also take lessons we learn on vacation home with us. When something doesn’t quite turn out like we thought (say our relaxing sunset cruise turns into an adventure straight out of Deadliest catch) we usually recoup back at our hotel room and say, “At least I get to be here with you.” That lesson holds true when we are spending an evening at home. A blizzard may have shut down the city and maybe the furnace is out. Still I will look out from under the blanket we are huddled together under and say, “At least I get to be here with you.”
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 