Today begins the month of October. Many of us spend this month watching scary movies and putting up decorations of ghosts, goblins and such. We read scary stories and dress up for Halloween. Here is a scary thought that I would like to share with you today. The quote above says it all. Do not forget this month, while you are thinking about what type of candy would bring a smile to the faces of the children that come to your door, to think about what would bring a smile to your face as well
The truly scary part in life is that many of us do not make ourselves, and by default our happiness, a priority. We worry about what we must do at work to keep the boss happy. We worry about what we have to do at home to keep the spouse and/or the family happy. We worry about our friends, our relatives and those we care about. This is all good, but without keeping our own well-being in mind, it can lead to disaster. It can have us feeling like we have a drained battery. It can have us trying to fill someone’s cup from our empty pitcher. Whatever analogy works for you. The fact is that the better we take care of ourselves, the better we can take care of those around us.
This is so true. Even those who love us and really want the best for us, can often have a bad day. They can be preoccupied with their own life challenges. We must remember to spend some time each day dedicated to making sure our own happiness and inner peace are intact. Doing so will provide us the best opportunity to serve others and do so in a way that feels good, not draining. In fact, feeling drained or overwhelmed is often the way the body is signaling to us that we need to spend a little more time on self-care. That is not to say we should become self-absorbed, but that we should spend some of our life making ourselves a priority. This will not only allow us to serve others better, but increase the quality of our life as we do so.
As this post is published, it is the start of the weekend! Saturday baby! A day generally reserved for relaxation and hanging out with friends. Today’s thoughts will serve you not only on a Saturday, but on any day you read this. It is not about only associating with people who can “Get us things.” No. It is about associating with people who can bring something to our spirit. People who remind us to practice self-care. People, who by their very presence, are self-care. Someone who will inspire us. Someone who makes us feel heard or accepted. These are the people we should surround ourselves with. They will make our lives feel so much richer and fuller.
A quick reminder that life is a balance. It is not just about receiving, but about giving. Can you give to them the great things they bring to you? It is often the great listener that is longing to be heard. It is the one who pays genuine compliments that needs to hear some reassuring words the most. How can you not only appreciate the good others bring to you, but learn from it and pass it not only to others, but back to them as well? This is the secret to life. It is quite often in the giving that we feel the greatest joy.
Here is something you may not be aware of – you have amazing power. This does not depend on your professional position. It does not depend on the amount of followers you have on social media. Yes, all of these are a form of power, but there are far more intense ways of having power. You have the power to affect and influence your spouse, your children, your parents, your coworkers and even the cashier at the grocery store. You have the power to impact other drivers as you make your way down the street.
You may be wondering how you have power over all of these people. Let me explain. Your spouse. This is an easy one. The people closest to us are the ones who can affect us the greatest. You can say something to make them feel loved and attractive. You can also ignore them or make them feel like they are not a priority. The choice is really up to you. Your children. You can pass on all of the lessons you learned in life. You could also say one thing while doing another. Children learn far more by example than by words. Even your parents. You can make them proud by your actions, or you can make them feel like they failed as parents when you end up in jail for some immoral behavior. How about coworkers? Have you ever noticed when someone is on edge in the office, almost everyone is? There are people who come into work and can bring a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. Be the second person as often as you can. It will be better for everyone.
Even other motorists on the street. You can wave with one finger or the whole hand. That is up to you. It can impact someone’s entire day. In my neighborhood, I do my best to wave and give a smile to all of my neighbors. Even if I do not know them, it gives a feeling of community and hopefully a little pleasant feeling to their day. Cashiers at the grocery store, or anyone in retail, have their share of challenging customers to deal with. Being a pleasant and appreciative customer can not only make their day go by quicker, it can make them feel better about themselves and the world at large.
Does this seem like hyperbole? Think of when you have someone cut you offin traffic. Do you find yourself saying things like, “People are driving so crazy these days!” Suddenly, your view of the world’s drivers has taken a hit. Someone rude to you at work? Suddenly, customers are so demanding! Why can’t people have manners like they used to? Your opinion of the world is affected. It may not last very long, then again it might, but even for a moment, that person had the power to affect you. This is a power we all have. Are we using that power for good? Are we using our powers at all? Let us put our powers in action and let us use them for good as often as we can!
This thought is so powerful. Not just for the obvious impact on our relationships, but on life in general. Let us start with relationships. I love Margie. I think anyone who knows me, has that pretty much figured out. One could say that I ‘plucked this beautiful flower out of the garden of life’. That is not entirely true. When you pick something, whether that is a person or a flower, you aim to own it. Once you take that view, things can begin to go south in a hurry. In love, we should not focus on possession, but on giving. As the quote above says, when you find a flower you love, you water it daily. That way, it will allow that flower to be a part of your life for as long as possible. Would that same not hold true for people?
Before you get your squirt gun out and possibly irritate your spouse, let me explain. ‘Watering’ someone simply means to give them what they need to grow. In my case, it is helping get Margie what she needs to create her cakes and other magic. It is also introducing her to videos and books to help expand her base of knowledge and introduce her to new concepts. It is helping her see more of the world by traveling with her. It is also giving her a place, and a person, to feel safe and vulnerable with. On occasion, we do attack each other with squirt guns, but that is all part of the fun.
Different quote, but same idea. What I like about this one, is the very last line. “Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation.” This is something we could all ponder. No matter how good your love is, adding a little appreciation would make it even better. Love is about seeing which of you can give more. This could be in a relationship, a friendship or any other type of relationship. The facts still hold true. Even if it is a relationship that is suffering or on the verge of dying, a little watering could bring it back to life.
This is obvious when it comes to relationships, but it is true of anything we love in life. You love your career? What can you give to it? How can you show it more appreciation? When I become frustrated with my writing, it is in finding new ways to give or reach new audiences that I feel inspired once again. How about you? What are some things, or someone, you love in life? Have you been trying to possess them or appreciate them? How could you show them more appreciation and ‘water’ them more? I would love to hear your answers in the comments below.
Think of all the things, and people, in your life. Are you seeking to possess them, or are you truly appreciating them? If it is the former, how can you show them more appreciation?
Your relationship is in danger! This includes not only friendships, but most importantly your intimate relationship. In fact, this is the one that may be in the greatest danger. What is the giant threat facing your relationship? Before we get to that – a warning. This threat may seem like not such a big deal. Trust me it is. If you value any, or all, of your relationships, take notice of what we are going to talk about today. More important than taking notice, is taking action. If you do, you will not only neutralize this dangerous threat, you will deepen your relationships and fall more in love than ever before. This is true whether that love is romantic or platonic.
The threat facing all relationships, be they friend or lover, is society’s tendency to focus on what is wrong with someone or something. I cannot recall how many times at work I see people gathered around complaining about they person they are in a relationship with. If someone doesn’t add to the conversation, they are looked at as a little odd. I never understood this. Why would you want the person you are with look anything less than beyond perfect? By making them look bad, what does that say about you? Here is the true danger – it gives others something to remind you of and to add to. If you want success in your relationship, share as much of what is right, and none of what is wrong. This holds true double for social media. Raise your hand if you know a couple that is constantly breaking up and falling in love online? Same two people. Depending on the day, they are either convincing you the other is the bottom of humanity, or they are the reason they get up in the morning. Do you know how that makes the two of you look? Like a couple of clowns.
Another thing that sharing negative information about friends, or worse the person you love, does is give others ammunition. There are always people who wish to break up friendships and relationships. Maybe they are jealous of your happiness? Maybe they want the friend or spouse you have? Whatever their motive, sharing your problems or negative thoughts gives them something to work with. They can either take that information and spread it to others, often including the person you were discussing, causing a further rift in the relationship. They can also remind you of these negative thoughts. A somewhat innocent comment like, “I know things seem good now, but remember when they did ___ to you?” This can put a limit to the amount of joy you can experience with someone and increase the negative feelings in a relationship.
The cure to this is really quite simple. Share as much wonderful things about your friends and those you love with as many people as you can. This will not only prevent them from finding a crack in your friendship and relationship to take advantage of, but it will also strengthen your feelings for that other person by reminding yourself of all the wonderful things about them you may have forgot. It will also have you looking a lot better in the eyes of others. Who wants to be friends with someone who is constantly speaking negative about people, or discussing problems they have with them? What do you think will happen as soon as you are not around? No, instead share the love. If it gets back to them, they will be quite impressed. If it doesn’t, it will still lead to an increase in the positive feelings you have for this person. Either way, it will strengthen the relationship and prevent the ever lurking danger from harming it. Speak love, feel love. What is something you find amazing about one of your friends or the person you love?
This blog post title comes with a caveat. If what feels good to you causes harm to yourself or others, than by all means, do NOT do it. I will not be responsible for you trying some ridiculous Tik Tok challenge. What I can tell you, is that if you find something in your life that feeds your soul, do it and do it often. In life, we are all to often asked, or required, to do things that drain our spirit and our soul. That could be a job that we do not relish. It could be coworkers that are less than inspiring.
This is a picture of my beautiful love, Margie, and I at the Wisconsin State Fair. Almost 20 years ago, I decided that was one of my favorite places to be. Since being with Margie, it has turned into two of my favorite places to be. The Wisconsin State Fair and with her. I enjoy the food, the garden and art tours throughout the grounds, dancing in the sand at the reggae bar and all of the kitchen gadgets that Margie and I purchase that we do not need. It runs 11 days in early August. On a fine day in 1996, I decided if I liked it so much, why don’t I attend it all 11 days? I have done so every year since. I go with different people and always have a great time. Some of my friends like the bands. Some of them like the food. Some like shopping and I hope they all like spending a day with yours truly.
A few years ago I even purchased a personalized brick to be placed at the fair. It not only went to support the event, but celebrated my favorite person to attend with. It has become an added bonus to look at when we are there. Creating memories with friends, family and of course Margie, is something I look forward to all year long. By the time you read this, we will have attended the first day with my mother. We have plans with good friends Faith, CJ, Nicci, Chris, Heidi and others. Each one will be a sharing of happiness, friendship and love for life.
If there is something in your life that brings joy to your spirit and soul, celebrate it as often as you can. Life will certainly throw challenges your way. It is always good to have something ready to lift your spirit. Why not? We all deserve that inner joy and sense of well-being. I look forward to hearing what brings joy to that beautiful heart of yours.
I mentioned the book I am currently reading in an earlier post. Where I cannot assume you read that post, the title of the book is Happiness is a Choice you Make by John Leland. It was recommended to me by a dear lady whom I had met at a graduation party. She was someone whom I had never met, but we conversed the whole time I was there like old friends. I am hoping I have the opportunity to thank her for such a great recommendation. The book covers 6 of the ‘oldest old’. That is to say people who are above the age of 87. Which I learned, is one of the fastest growing demographics in the United States.
In the section I am currently reading, the author is talking with a couple who are in their 90s. They found each other at the nursing home where they both live. The dynamics of their relationship is so fascinating to me. One of the aspects that makes it work is a great secret that all of us could use in our own relationships. This secret works not only in romantic relationships, but friendships, business relationships or relationships of any kind. If you don’t manage this secret properly, it can lead to what poisons a great deal of relationships. If you do learn, and are able to master this, it will give your relationship an advantage others simply don’t have. Both parties will feel happier and more confident with the relationship.
That is what we do here at Secret2anamazinglife.com. We teach you secrets to have an amazing life. One of the biggest factors of the quality of life is the quality of your relationships. Learning how to improve them has a positive impact on every area of your life. What is the secret the couple in the book practice that we all could put into use in our own lives? Learning to not only give, but receive. That second part especially. Independent people often want to do everything themselves. This is not necessarily a bad trait. When you are in a relationship, it can leave the other party feeling both a little unneeded and unwanted. If someone offers to say, get you a cup of coffee, and you always reply “I can do it myself.” It will not only leave the other party feeling as though they lost an opportunity to do something for you, but done long enough, they may stop offering all together.
This is a tricky balance. We often to want to feel like a burden to our partner or friend, but we certainly want to give them an opportunity to feel as though they did something for us. Think if the roles were reversed. How would you feel if you were able to do something that would either help, or bring joy, to your partner or friend? You would feel good I would imagine. Why would you deny that good feeling to someone else? Have you ever looked at it this way? It may seem that one party is taking and one is giving in this equation. The truth is, they are both giving. One, the act of service. The other, the opportunity to provide that service. If you follow this up with appreciation, you actually get to give twice by receiving. How crazy is that? The other party feels good that they were able to do something for you, and they feel good that you let them know you appreciate what they did.
The picture above is me and my silly lady. We practice this secret daily. It is not always easy as we both love to do things for each other. We must remember that we like the other party to feel needed and appreciated. In fact, we love appreciating each other. One of the worst things you can do in a relationship is ‘keep score’. The thought that “Hey! I do a lot more for them than they do for me!” is poison to a relationship. You are actually providing them an opportunity to appreciate you and they are providing an opportunity to feel that you matter and serve a purpose in the relationship. Appreciation for your partner and all that they do is key in this equation. It is true that you never want to feel useless, or that you don’t serve a purpose in a relationship. You also never want to feel taken for granted.
Let your partner know that you appreciate everything they do for you. Give them an opportunity to do things for you, even if you can do it for yourself. This is not only a secret to an amazing relationship, but to an amazing life.
The above picture is of the Reiman Cancer Center where I live. Sadly, I have had 3 people I know go through procedures there. It is a very tough thing to have to go through. I would imagine it is very tough on those who work there as well as the loved ones who accompany the patients as they undergo their procedure. Every time that I have been to this place, the people there could not have been any nicer. As you watch many other families struggling through illness, you wish there was something you could do. I think in many ways this is true of all of us at one point in time. I am here to tell you there is something you can do, and should do.
I wanted so much to help all of the families that were hurting as they were doing their best to navigate the journey cancer had taken them on. I wanted so much to repay all of the kindness the nurses and workers there showed. What could I do? I wasn’t rich. I wasn’t a doctor. I was simply an author. That is when it occurred to me. Share your gift. That is all we are supposed to do. Find that thing that is you and share it with everyone in a beneficial and loving manner. I noticed there were books at the stations for the patients, and those who were with them, to read as the chemotherapy took place. How about a nice book about reducing stress and finding joy? I inquired with one of the nurses if I could donate copies of my book. There were happy to accept. I gave them one to put at each station.
Sometimes sharing your gift is easy. Like the example above. They had books there, and I wrote a book. Sometimes you have to be more creative as to how you can use your gift. With money being tight all over, charities are feeling the pinch more than ever before. I wanted to do something to benefit my community, but I did not know how. Two of the causes that are near and dear to my heart are helping the victims of domestic violence and animals. I knew two local groups who did just that. I decided that I was going to hold a book signing event and donate 100% of the profits to these two charities. This is set to happen next month. Not only will it benefit the charities themselves, but I hope it will bring people together and galvanize them towards a greater cause. There will be more details coming soon on the event.
The point is, we are all given a gift. It is said with great reward come great responsibility. I believe that the reward of the gift we are given is the responsibility to use it is such a way that we can help others. Some are straight forward, like the book donation example. Some take a little more creativity, like the book signing idea. We all have a gift and we all have a responsibility to use that gift to help others. I would love to hear your inspiring story about yourself, or someone else, using their gift to help others.
In this crazy, fast-paced world of ours, everyone seems to be working to get ahead. Does that sound like you? Have you ever found yourself working until you are exhausted? After that have you wondered to yourself, or maybe even out loud, if it is all worth it? Perhaps you even questioned what it is all for? Do not worry. You are not alone. Those can be powerful questions to ask ourselves, if we use them correctly. Still, there is one question that we should all be asking ourselves that would not only reduce those feelings of stress, worry and burnout, but help us feel refreshed, driven and accomplished.
What is that question? I call it the Million Dollar Question. The reason that I call it that, is because the benefit it has to our life is priceless. I have spoken about this in one of my YouTube Videos, and even dedicated a section to it in my book, Living the Dream. We took a look deeper into it on my podcast, Living the Dream with Neil Panosian. While I recommend you check out all of those, I will even post a link for the podcast episode at the bottom of this post, I am going to make it even simpler for you. I do this for 2 reasons. The first one should be obvious. We began this post by talking about how busy everyone is. What better way to help us live a positive rewarding life, than taking a complex idea and shortening it down to one question. The second reason is that a lot of people, my mother being one of them, had a problem with the way the idea was presented.
The video, the section in the book and the podcast episode advocated writing your own eulogy. It struck a lot of people as too morbid. Personally, I think it was a very healthy, albeit sobering, idea. We are all going to have a eulogy about us when we die. They are complex and difficult things to write. Trust me, I have given 5 of them in my life already. The purpose of the exercise was two-fold. One, it reminded us how fleeting life could be. I have already died once, and I am only 47. Good thing I came back because I didn’t have a good draft done yet. The point is, we never know when life may take us. The other point is the one we are going to address today. That is, what we will leave behind. I am not talking about material possesions, but the lessons. How will we have made people feel? Will we have done anything to help the greater good of our family, our community or the greater good?
I can imagine reading that and thinking, “Neil that is great, but it sounds like several questions to me.” You would be correct. We can simplify all of this down to one question you should ask yourself whenever you are feeling lost, do not know which way to go or even feeling burnt out. What is that question? I was beginning to wonder if we would ever get to it myself. The Million Dollar Question, as I call it, is this – What do I want to be remembered for? This may be a little less emotionally triggering than writing a eulogy. It is surely something that can be answered in the moment when we are facing making a difficult decision.
I suggest using this question in 2 ways. First, sit down with a pen and paper and give yourself some time to think. Write down many things that you want to be remembered for. Think of every area in your life. What kind of worker do you want to be remembered as? What kind of friend do you want to have a reputation of being? How about to the people who matter most, your family? How will they remember you. Write as much down as you can. There are no right or wrong answers. Then keep that paper somewhere safe. I suggest looking at it once a week at least. Perhaps on Monday to focus the week. Friday would be a good day to reflect and see if your actions the previous week would lead to you being remembered as you want to be.
The second way to use this is to ask yourself this question throughout the day. It will help guide your actions to be the person you want to be. Ask yourself when facing a difficult decision. Knowing who you want to be may help you make the correct, and sometimes difficult, decision. Maybe even write it down on an index card and carry it with you. Set it as an alarm on your phone to remind you to think of it at least once a day. How about you? Who do you want to be remembered as? I cannot wait to hear your answer.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 