We talk a lot on this site about working hard and putting in the effort. Making sure that we keep our goal clearly in mind and always in front of us. That really is part of the secret to an amazing life. I say ‘part’ because achieving goals and improving ourself is merely one side of the coin.
If we accomplished all we set out to do and reached the end of our life drained, lonely and unhappy we could not consider that a successful life. In order to be truly successful, we must also be fulfilled. We must balance enjoying life with conquering life. Find ways to enjoy the process as well as taking clearly defined breaks from the process.
In addition to all of the effort we put forth make sure we practice self-care and be present for all of the special moments we share with those we love.
As much as I would like this post to be about 3 steps to finding yourself on a tropical beach somewhere, that is not what we are discussing today. This is something even better! What could be better than being on a tropical beach? Can you believe that I even said there is something better? What is better is living a life that you do not need a vacation from. That has been so much in self-improvement circles that it almost sounds cliche. Living this kind of life is not as difficult as one may think. The principles we are going to discuss can be applied on a beach in Jamaica, or while working in a state that seems to have 9 months of winter…hypothetically.
Paradise, like this dinner on the beach in the Bahamas Margie and I shared, can be reached inside one’s soul. The first of the three steps listed above in a good thought. I cannot mention how much this can change your situation. Just this morning I was working on a very physically demanding task at my day job. Struggling to get through it, I thought of the beautiful lady above and how I was earning money to be able to do things to bring a smile to her face. Would you believe that gave me not only the boost of energy to continue, but made the task an almost pleasant means to an end.
The second step to paradise, going by the quote we started with, is a good word. This is certainly something the world needs. There is quite a bit of negative, angry and depressing words around. Sharing a good word with others can not only change their world, but yours as well. That word could be encouragement, a genuine compliment or just sharing of good news. In doing this, you create a more pleasant environment for all of those around you, and in turn, they tend to be in a better mood. When you are surrounded by people in a good mood, that makes your life a lot sweeter.
The last step to paradise is a good deed. Like making delicious tacos for the man who loves you so much. Margie made me these tacos the other night after a hard days work. I cannot begin to explain the joy, gratitude and love for her this kind deed invoked. When you do a kind deed for others, again it is a win/win situation. You make them not only happy, but grateful that you are in their life. How do you think that will affect your future interactions with them? You also get a feeling of contentment knowing that you have brought joy or assistance to someone else’s life.
Using the principles discussed in the quote above, people who think good thoughts, speak good words and do good deeds will have a life that feels like paradise. That is why people who may appear to have it all, but do not practice these three things, will not have a fulfilling life. If you are thinking about revenge, speaking with a lot of sarcasm, and worried only about yourself, your life will never feel like paradise. Does your life feel like you need a vacation? It happens to all of us. Just do more of the three things above and soon your life will begin to feel better than ever.
Far be it from me to advise you what to do while you are in the shower. That seems a little invasive from someone you may have never met on the other side of the screen. This meditation might be another secret we could all add to help us reach that amazing life. Developing rituals that lead us in the direction we wish our life to go will be something discussed in depth in my next book. Until that is released, allow me to share this idea with you.
Showering is something we all hopefully do on a regular basis. Why not turn this experience into one that refreshes our soul and spirit? Picturing, and feeling, all of this happen can really give us a change in attitude. I often say when stuck around people who have a ‘sunshine challenged’ attitude that I need to take a shower. This is metaphorical, but I guess does not have to be. Showers are cleansing physically, why not mentally and spiritually as well?
Take the time you spend in the shower to mentally disconnect for a while. It is warm, you are by yourself, you can’t really hear much. If you have a shower speaker, maybe some meditative music would be nice. Picture all of the negativity of the day being washed off you and going down the drain. Feel your energy being renewed. It may be that little bit of peace you need in the middle of a chaotic day,
There are many other cleansing rituals that people do that can work as well. In Native culture there is smoke from smudge or sage that is used to cleanse spiritually. That are people who go to special mineral baths to bath in. Showers are nice because most of us use them on a regular basis. It might be fun to employ this same thinking next time you are caught in the rain as well. The waters could be washing all of the negative energy in your life away. By the time you arrive home, your clothes may be heavier, but your spirit will be lighter.
Last post we discussed how we can recapture a little of the excitement of youth by remembering how cool things we used to do in treehouses and blanket forts were and comparing them with what we can do in our own homes. We ended that post by observing that our appreciation for the simple things tends to fade as we grow older. We do not find hiding in a blanket fort with our love as exciting as landing in Jamaica, or wherever our choice vacation destination is. Obviously, there are many more benefits to traveling to a luxury resort in a tropical paradise. Especially if you live in the freezing climate like my lady and I do.
What I am about to share with you is a very powerful secret to not only an amazing life, but an amazing relationship. Sit down, get comfy, but pay close attention. Using this secret will both deepen your connection with your partner and increase the amount of joy you experience on those tropical getaways. The best part we haven’t even mentioned. It will have you experiencing more joy on a daily basis. How about that for something amazing? You will grow closer to your partner, those special moments will feel more magical and you will experience more peace and joy in your heart daily. Does that sound like something you might be willing to give a try?
The answer lies in what we do in those seemingly little moments. I say ‘seemingly’ because that is how we view them. They are, however, the basis of what makes our life what it is. If you wait to bring magic to your relationship until there is a special occasion, what are you doing the rest of the time? Les Brown said there are very few couples who are living together. Most of us are just dying together. That is an uncomfortable truth. Do you spend your days arguing about who is going to make the bed or take out the garbage? Try making the bed together while talking about how great it will be to snuggle together in it later. When you take out the garbage, ponder how amazing it is that you can afford all the the things that generate this refuse and send a feeling of gratitude that there is someone who takes care of that garbage for you.
You may be thinking to yourself, “Yeah right. Happy making the bed and taking out the garbage?” It might sound far fetched, but stop and think for a minute. How happy would you be to make your own bed after being homeless? Can you even imagine being homeless? How about having to dig a pit and bury your refuse in your back yard. How long would you like to do that? Here is the million dollar secret in case you have missed it. Why should you even put fourth effort to find the joy and magic in these ordinary tasks? Simple. You do them every damn day. The difference between feeling like you are being dragged to do something you do not want to do verses something that you get to do and finding the joy in it, can transform the way your life feels on a daily basis!
One of the areas that I have found can be mined for joy and drawing closer to your partner is the grocery store. Watching what hot sauce they pick out and enjoy so you can surprise them with it at a later date. Talking about what kind of meals you would like to make together, or maybe picking out a new food to try together. That can be fun! That is not to say that every trip to the grocery store will be a magical experience. Margie and I have distinctively different shopping techniques and when we are tired and overworked this can lead to not so magical moments. It is then that having the experience of how to make it magical is more important than ever.
Here is the added bonus. When you learn to appreciate all the small moments in life, the big ones become even more magical. Take that view leading to the beach in the lower right corner. Truly a beautiful sight. Taking the time to hold my lady’s hand and experience it together, that made it more magical. The pigs in the upper left corner? We swam with them in the ocean and then fed them on shore. Watching my love interact with them and sharing our adventures with each other gave us memories for years to come. These are not things that happen overnight. Working on communication and relating to each other allowed us to better appreciate the moment together. That made the trip, and our time together on it, even more magical.
These two events play off of each other. What we learn in discovering the magic of daily life helps us to better appreciate our exciting time away. We also take lessons we learn on vacation home with us. When something doesn’t quite turn out like we thought (say our relaxing sunset cruise turns into an adventure straight out of Deadliest catch) we usually recoup back at our hotel room and say, “At least I get to be here with you.” That lesson holds true when we are spending an evening at home. A blizzard may have shut down the city and maybe the furnace is out. Still I will look out from under the blanket we are huddled together under and say, “At least I get to be here with you.”
Do you remember having a tree house as a kid? I was never fortunate enough to have one of my own, but I did have a few friends who had some. They were often simple affairs. If we didn’t have access to tree houses, we built little forts. Often deep in a park or woods away from adults who could correct all the terribly unsafe things we were doing. When we didn’t have access to, or it was just too cold to venture out to a park, we made forts inside the house. Again, simple affairs that were added on to as long as they continued to exist. They sure could be exciting!
On the way to write today, for some reason those memories popped in my head. Ever one to mine ways in which we can capture some of that seemingly long-lost passion and zeal for life, I pondered what made them so exciting. I recall my friend Jeremy’s ‘tree house’. It wasn’t actually in a tree. His father built it in their huge garage. It still was a little hideaway where we could hold court. I remember putting up posters of bands we liked. Probably a few of girls we liked as well. Hey, we were young teenage boys. When we got a radio we searched to put it in just the right place where it would blast the most sound. We even set an alarm that would alert us when an adult might be approaching. Not that I recall doing anything too outlandish in that abode.
Blanket forts, though not as elaborate, were equally exciting. Just the fact that they were separate. It was our domain. We could arrange them as we see fit. We could picture ourselves anywhere. Even then, this helped me on a cold Wisconsin winter. We could escape to a corner of the fort that was set aside as a time machine and could travel anywhere we wanted. We could decorate it anyway we thought looked cool. When that no longer suited us, we could tear it down and start all over again.
Where is all of this going? Am I going to tell you to go home and build a fort with blankets? Well….that is not entirely a bad idea. If that is not to your liking, there is something that we can take away from all of this that will help us regain some of that youthful enthusiasm for life.
When we were discussing the treehouses and forts, we mentioned all of the things kids do to make them ‘cool’. I mentioned putting up pictures of bands and things that made us excited to be alive. Well, who says the pictures in your house have to be limited to family and flowers? Put up a picture, or some other work of art, that speaks to your spirit. Every time you pass it, you will get that little jolt of excitement. Can you imagine how that might impact your life? How about finding the radio that I mentioned? We put in our earbuds when we are struggling to breathe on the treadmill, but there is something to be said about turning up some tunes and rocking out in your living room.Added bonus if it is a song you liked from your youth.
As far as alarms to let you know someone is coming, we have those too. Some of us have ring cameras we can check on our phones even while we are miles away. Most of us at least have a deadbolt. Not the most exciting, but if we picture that kid in the treehouse every time we turn the lock, it can seem just that little bit more exciting. It is this very change in perception that can help us recapture some of our passion for life. Our houses are our adult treehouses. Remember the place for a time machine I mentioned? Well, do you have a place you set aside to relax or meditate? If not, could you have one? You could close your eyes and pretend you are somewhere else. This could come in really handy after a tough work day.
The sad truth is that our appreciation for the simple things in life tends to fade as we grow older. Hiding in a blanket fort with those we love seems less exciting and we are waiting for a tropical vacation. Please do not misunderstand me. I am all for a tropical vacation. What many of us fail to realize is that by developing our appreciation for the small things, it only increases our gratitude for the seemingly big things. That is a thought we will continue tomorrow.
Last post we discussed the ever approaching and uncertainty of death. Not a really chipper subject, but one that should give us a sense of urgency to enjoy life now. That is what I would like to discuss with you today. How many of us put off enjoyment? The ever present “I will be happy when ___” way of thinking. What if we never make it to when? Again, not a very cheery thought, but one that deserves consideration. We may never get a shot at this merry-go-round of life.
Here is a great example – vacation! When we are on vacation, like my lovely lady and I were in the picture above, we are sure to make the most of it. “We might never get back here again. Let us enjoy it.” We say to each other. The truth is that the same might be said of any moment of your life. Our favorite restaurant that has been there forever may close unexpectedly tomorrow. The beautiful park we enjoy walking through may be turned into condos any day now. Our friends may move away and our loved ones may pass away. All of these moments are possible and at some point will happen.
This is all beginning to sound a little doom and gloomy. The question all of this begs us to ask ourselves is, “How are you spending this minute?” Tony Robbins has a great line, “What is wrong is always available. So it what’s right.” What are you focused on? Are you focused on how much of a hurry you are in and how inconvenient the long line at the grocery store is? You could be focused on how grateful you are that you do not have to hunt for your food or farm for it. Not only would that take a great deal longer, but success is not guaranteed. Either path is certainly justified and understandable. The fact remains one of them leads to a more enjoyable life. We should work to enjoy as many moments in life as we can. We might as well. We will never get them back again.
We all know people who are angry most of the time. Why? Do they know how good they have it? Yes, I am sure their lives could be better. Yes, we all have legitimate challenges and reasons to be disenfranchised. Still, we all have reasons to be grateful and full of joy and love. All we have to do is look around us and see those that are less fortunate and could use our help. Oh wait, we are getting into tomorrow’s post again,
This post comes out on a Monday. Back at work for most of us. We are busy working to keep the lights on and the bills paid. Before we know it, the week is over and we are exhausted. Socrates, and by the way of this post myself, are here to tell you not to forget the things that truly matter. I cannot convey my dismay at how many of us spend our lives majoring in minor things. I am not judging. I am guilty of this far too often myself.
This life we are given is a great gift. If we are not enjoying it, we are wasting it. You might be saying, “Neil, you do not know my situation. I cannot enjoy life right now.” You are right. I do not know your situation. There is one thing that I am sure of when if comes to your life, even if we have never met. That is that your life, and the lives of those you share it with are growing shorter by second. Each and every one of us will leave this beautiful planet and we have no idea when. It seems as we get older, or maybe face a serious medical condition, our urgency to live a life that matters increases. That is why you see so many people contemplating their own lives at a funeral of a loved one. It serves as a reminder that life is shorter than we think.
This thought of ever approaching, and uncertain, death is not to scare you. Quite the contrary. It is to motivate you. Life is meant to be lived to the fullest. Even situations that are not ideal. Your job may not be the one of your dreams. Personally, I am still waiting to host a talk show. Even in that job you can practice gratitude and find the joy. It can be your coworkers. It can be the interactions you have with the public or the opportunity to make their day a little brighter.
We pass by so much beauty and so many miracles on a daily basis it is beyond comprehension. Take walking by a beautiful tree. Have you ever stopped to think about how many years it took that tree to get to the stage it is now? What did it all need and have to go through? How many storms did it weather? Years of growth, fighting wind, rain and perhaps scorching sun. Still, here you are able to stand in its shade. Too obscure of a reference for you? Let us look at another one.
Working with the public is a challenge. I have done it my whole life. When you come to a coffee shop and the lady behind the counter greets you with a smile, do you know how hard that might be? Any smile we are given, whether by stranger or friend, is a tremendous gift! Think of what a smile means. Despite the challenges that person is facing, and we all are facing some challenge, they wanted to share a gesture of joy and acceptance with us. They could have thought of the crazy state of the world and scowled. They could have been overcome with grief and looked at us with tears in their eyes. Which are both gifts as well. Someone being brave enough to share their inner-most thoughts and emotions. Are you beginning to see how we are missing so much in life?
Aside from stopping and staring pensively at a tree, which might not be a bad idea, how can we begin to appreciate all of these miracles and beauty we are missing? There is a clue in the question. Appreciation. When we stop to be grateful for things, it not only adds joy to our lives, it helps us be a more appreciative and loving person. Who wouldn’t want to be around someone like that? Think of the plants in the islands in the middle of the street. Most of us pay them little, if any, attention as we drive by. While it is smart to keep your eyes on the road, a glance in their direction would serve us well. Can you imagine how dull and lifeless the street would look without them? This is just one example.
Another suggestion is to try and be present as much as you can. In the middle of a walk, stop and take a deep breath and soak up the moment. Who you are with. What is around you. You can combine this with finding something to be grateful for. I was behind a lady at the supermarket who was obviously in a hurry and was not keen to wait in the line we were in. That is understandable. How lucky were we that we were both able to afford groceries and that there were some there to purchase? In many places of the world this is not the case. We did not have to hunt or farm. We were not living in an impoverished country. Yes, long lines at the grocery store are not fun. Do you know what is worse? Wasting time being upset about being there. I am getting ahead of myself. We will talk more about that tomorrow.
In today’s world, staying in a good mood can be a struggle. On top of all of our daily stress, we have plenty of sources in media, and social media, bringing us the world’s stress. Just keeping our head above water can be a challenge.
Fortunately for us, there are a few steps listed above that can help us reduce our stress and increase our joy. If you need more, check out my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People. Available on Amazon.
5 simple steps. Sunlight, exercise, good food, gratitude and sleep. If you can develop habits to work these 5 items into your life, your stress will reduce and life will be so much more enjoyable.
What did you feel when you read the quote on this picture? Did it make you smile? It was just a simple greeting, but it warms the heart. Can you imagine how others would feel if you sent them a message like this?
In a world filled with divisive messages and fear and hate, why not send more messages like this? Each one is a little do of positivity. It might be just what someone needs to brighten their day. I encourage you to send out several cheerful greetings daily. See how people respond.
This post is not at all what I thought it will be. Honestly, an example of what we will discuss here happened to me this evening! I’m getting ahead of myself. Have you ever stopped and thought about everything you have to be grateful for? Take one event that you enjoy and really break it down. I did this with the Wisconsin State Fair. My favorite event to attend all year.
When I started to think about it, there are thousands of people that contribute to putting on this event. There are of course the people who run the fair, including its new CEO, Shari Black. There are the owners of the stands that sell everything from food to inflatable hammocks. There are the employees that work those stands. There are the people who maintain the grounds. They recently repaved a good portion of the park. I will not get into all of the people in the paving industry, but you see where this is going. Let us not forget the VERY important people who keep the restrooms clean.
This was the general scope of this blog post until about 730 this evening. Then this happened – the heavens opened up and the rain fell. The crowds scrambled. The main act was canceled. This, you would assume would ruin one’s time at the fair. Not so. There was a million things to be thankful for.
Earlier in the day, one of our favorite grocery stores gave away free ponchos. My mother and I availed ourselves to them. This was at noon. 7 hours before the rain. As we walked through the fair and on the way home, we talked about how lucky we were. First the ponchos. Then the fact we enjoyed the whole day at the fair before this happened. We were able to purchase food to take home on the way out. Everyone seemed in a silly mood even though they were soaked.
You see, in any event they are a million things to be grateful for. Think of going to work. People paved roads for you. There are traffic lights to make surethe trip is safe. You either have a car or public transportation. Think of all the people involved in these industries. You have a restroom at work… with running water.
These things may not seem like a big deal. Take any one of them away and you will see that they are. Remember, whether a morning commute or a rainy night at the fair, there is always so much to be grateful for!
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 