Tag: Happiness

STAY IN CONTROL😎

The Marx Brothers are one of my favorite comedy groups to watch. This band of brothers always had a million laughs a minute. Often, it takes watching their movies 3 or 4 times to catch all of the humor. This quote from the leader of the merry bunch really had me thinking. A few posts ago, we spoke about how to maintain your positive vibes around people that are difficult to get along with. If you haven’t read that one yet, I highly recommend you go back and do so. Yet, there are more than just negative people that can get you down. We are going to talk about how to deal with many different challenges today. Oddly enough, they all have a very similar solution.

Groucho lets us in on a key aspect to remaining happy – control. When we let someone, as we discussed in the post previously mentioned, or something get us sad, upset or any other emotion we do not wish to feel, we are giving that person or thing control over us. We are giving that person or thing the ability to dictate to us our own emotional well-being. If we stop and think about this, it is very easy to understand emotionally. In practice, however, it can be quite difficult to manage emotionally. We get upset. We get down and sometimes end up in a sort of emotional funk. It happens to me. It happens to all of us. The secret to an amazing life is not to expect to eliminate these experiences all together. We are human and on occasion our emotions will get the best of us. I still get in a funk. This time of year, with the cold weather and lack of sunshine, it is always a possibility. The secret to living an amazing life is to reduce both the frequency that these moments occur as well as their intensity.

Above is another powerful thought. Happiness is a choice. It is not always an easy end, but in order to get to that end, we have to chose to make that our destination. I opened my very first book, A Happy Life for Busy People, with this quote from Abraham Lincoln, “People are about as happy as they make their minds up to be.” If you decide that a happy life is important to you, settling for anything less will not do. True, you will still get down as we discussed, but when you are feeling that way, you will still know that happiness is where you are determined to be. Noticed I said determined not would like to be, or prefer to be. What do we do when we are determined to live in a state of happiness and inner peace and the world seems to have the exact opposite idea? We get to work!

Another great quote from Mr. Lincoln. If we are responsible for our own happiness, and we want to be in control of our own emotional well-being, what do we do when things get us down? That is a great question. I recommend starting by appreciating what those feelings are telling us. There are often great lessons to be learned in times of pain. If all we do is try to ‘deny’ our own emotions, not only will we miss the great lessons we could learn from them, but they are likely to return with a vengeance. If you are feeling sad, angry, lost, lonely or any other emotion, my first suggestion is to ask yourself why you are feeling that way. Let us say you are reeling from the loss of a loved one. You should not admonish yourself for feeling bad. Losing someone you care about can be one of the most difficult things we experience. Realize that in order to feel great loss, we must have been fortunate to feel great love. That is a blessing that not everyone has. We also had the great opportunity to share many amazing memories with that person. Our life, and our heart, will forever have a hole where that person used to be.

Now, after we have honored and discovered our emotions, which can take as long as we need it to, it is time to get to work. Begin by asking ourselves what the lesson we can get from life in regards to this tragic event. Could it be to make sure we treasure every moment with people we have in our lives? It could be that we need to take more pictures, make more memories and share more with each other while we can. How about to live and love without regret? After we have mined our negative emotions for the lessons they can teach us, it is time to put those lessons into action. Reach out to someone we have been meaning to. Plan and create memories with those we love. Make sure we are not so busy earning a living that we forget to create a life. As we take these actions, we can feel grateful for the lessons and reminders that the negative emotions have given us. That can take some time, but in the end, I think we can honestly come to terms with them.

In order to return our heart to a state of inner peace and joy, it make take utilizing some other tools. Many of these can be found in my second book, Living the Dream, but we are going to mention a few here. You could get together with family or friends to watch a funny movie (like the Marx brothers), we could listen to songs off our happy playlist. We can spend some time in one of our favorite spots in nature. I cannot stress enough how creating a list of things that bring us joy BEFORE we experience an emotional challenge is so important. When we find ourselves in a negative state, it can be next to impossible to think of things that bring us joy. I am sure you can all relate. Having such a list handy can literally be a life-saver in some cases.

We used the example of losing a loved one in this post because that is about the most difficult situation any of us can face. The same strategy can work if we are facing the end of a job, the end of a relationship or even just a morning commute filled with drivers who seem to being ‘using the force’ instead of watching the road. Discovering the true source and reason for our emotions, finding the lessons contained within them and then taking actions to learn from them and return our hearts to joy will work in all of these. It will also allow US to have control over OUR emotions instead of putting the key to them in someone else’s pocket. Do you want to have control over your own happiness, or would you rather let someone else control you?

CLICK HERE TO PICK UP MY BOOKS AND DISCOVER TOOLS FOR TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR OWN HAPPINESS 😊

3 IDEAS TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE YOU CAN’T STAND.

Recently, a good friend asked me a question that I think we all struggle with at some point in our lives. To paraphrase her, “How do you maintain your good vibes philosophy around people you can’t stand?” Here is a basic challenge of life. Even while we are doing the best to live an amazing life, there are those dedicated souls who work tirelessly to do their best to make sure that doesn’t happen. Their motives differ, but they are a pain just the same.

How do we deal with these people? How can we mitigate the influx of negative vibes that are often thrown our way, without throwing a punch or a sarcastic reply in return? Trust me when I tell you that I get this. I work with some fairly difficult people. There are some in my family. I am sure that I am the difficult person for others sometimes as well. The best option, if you are able, is to eliminate or limit your exposure to these people as much as you can. Nothing is worth the price of your peace. Sometimes, this isn’t an option. You have to deal with your judgmental in-laws because you love your spouse. The office won’t move Jane to another shift because she is such a Debby Downer, or get rid of John because he is a proper ass to everyone. What do you do then?

Next to living in a bubble that protects you from what I like to call sunshine challenged people, what are your options? The first one is simple – develop an attitude of gratitude. You can do this in 2 ways. The first is being grateful that you do not have to be around them all of the time. Have you ever been around someone so toxic that as soon as they leave the air even seems fresher? I know I have. That is the gift they give. They make the time you are not around them that much better. As the cliché goes, without the rain, you would not appreciate the sunshine. It might be always raining in Jane’s world, but as soon as you are away from her, the clouds part and the sun comes through. It may even feel as though angels come down and start singing.

The second type of gratitude you can develop is almost comical. You hire these people. Not in a literal sense. Let me explain. Have you ever had a personal trainer? It is someone you pay to push your physical limits. At the end of every workout, you might be thinking to yourself, or out loud, “I pay you to make me feel like this?” However, a month later when you look in the mirror and see the results you are starting to experience, you feel a debt of gratitude. You are going to do the same with our negative friends. You are going to hire them as your personal emotional trainer. Let us face it, they do try our patience so they are making our patience muscles stronger. Struggling not to have an emotional meltdown when dealing with them? That is the emotional equivalent of your trainer at the gym yelling, “One more!” Except in this case it is usually one more stupid thing our friends have said or done. There is one very negative lady at my work. When she begins her monologue of what is wrong with our work place, the world and even on several occasions my lunch, I just look at her and think, “You don’t even realize that you are helping to make me a stronger and more resilient version of myself, do you?” Sometimes this even elicits a chuckle as I am thinking this to myself. By testing our optimism, our temper or our patience, these people are helping us work out our emotional muscles. Just like the trainer at the gym, we may question them in the moment, but a year down the road and we will thank them as we find ourselves more peaceful, patient and better able to keep our optimism.

The third suggestion I gave this young lady might be a little uncomfortable for some, but it often works when others fail. It works especially well on people who work on themselves to create the best life they can have. Like, a 3 time author who writes a self-improvement blog for an example. The third way to keep an optimistic attitude around people who seem to suck our soul is to call ourselves out. What do I mean by this? Ask ourselves some very difficult, but very empowering questions. Ask yourself, “If you are going to work so hard on every aspect of your life only to let Jane the soul sucker ruin your day?” or “Is your well-being and peace of mind so cheap that you would hand it over control of it to John, the jerk of the office?” One man put it very succinctly, albeit in rather colorful language, when he said, “I will not be their bitch.” Meaning, he would not allow others to dictate his well-being. This takes practice and a lot of patience. You may not succeed at first, but once you do, it is so worth it. As a bonus tool of empowerment, I find listening to the track “Ain’t my bitch” by the band Metallica can really pump you up.

Challenging and negative people are a fact of life. They can be found almost everywhere. These 3 tools will help us deal with them without sacrificing our peace of mind. If you have any secrets to an amazing life that you use in dealing with someone who gets under your skin, please share. The more tools we have in this area, the better!

IT AFFECTS EVERYTHING!😳

One of the most ironic things that I hear as a life coach is that people do not have the time for self-care and self-improvement. The misconception here is that it is somehow a separate area of your life. They will say things such as “I know I need to take better care of my mental and physical health, but I really need to focus on my money situation.” or “I would love to spend more time improving the way I deal with stress, but the kids keep me so busy.”

Do you know what the common denominator in your money, your parenting, your career as well as every other area of your life is? I give you a really big clue, you can find it in the mirror. You are the common ingredient in every area of your life that you are trying to improve. Worried about your health? Here is an interesting fact, do you know that you are 11% more likely to have a heart attack on Monday morning than any other day? How can that be? We hear about smoking, alcohol consumption and diet being risk factors. None of them would make Monday worse than any other day. What the data tells us is that life and job dissatisfaction is one of the main risk factors for heart attacks. When you are going to a job that is killing your soul every week, it might be killing more than that. If you are having an issue dealing with work stress, not taking the time to get help and learn to use stress in a healthy way can end up costing you a lot more than just medical bills.

How about money? Everybody needs to focus on their finances. What would we need to be more financially healthy? Energy? The ability to deal with stress and change? Focus? The ability to perform better at work? How are all of these obtained? We could focus on each area one at a time, which a lot of us do, but there is a quicker way. That is to focus on you. If you improve yourself, you will be a better parent, a better employee, a better business owner, a better friend and a better lover. When we improve ourselves, our lives improve. If you bring a better ‘you’ to any area of your life, that area will improve.

In closing, we need to stop treating self-care and self-improvement as a separate area of our life. Instead, we need to understand by focusing on improving ourselves, every area of our life will improve. If we focus on our physical health, for example, we will be sick less often. This would allow us to use less sick days at work. It would give us more quality time with our children and our spouse. That would make us better parents and lovers. If we improve our mental health and ability to deal with stress and change, that will help us be a more patient and attentive lover, parent and coworker. If we work on improving our listening skills…well, you get the idea. Focus on yourself. It is one of the best things you can do for everyone else.

INTRODUCE YOURSELF! 👋🫂

As the year draws to a close and we look forward to 2023, I would invite you to do one thing. Introduce yourself. This blog is called Secret2anamazinglife. It is a place to both give and receive. We are followed in all but 8 countries in this amazing planet of ours. We are followed on all 7 continents. That means there are so many of you out there with secrets that help you live an amazing life. It would benefit us all to know them. That is why I would like to extend an invitation to introduce yourself. Tell us where you read these posts of inspiration and motivation. Let us know a little about yourself. What do you enjoy about what we share here? Most importantly, share your knowledge. What do you do to live an amazing life?

Each of our lives, whether that be our personal experiences, the country we live in, the people we know, the jobs we hold or the pets we have, hold secrets to living an amazing life that are worth sharing. I get regular feedback from my friends in Italy, Greece, and Lebanon. I would love to hear from people in every country we are followed in. By all of us sharing, we can help each other live a more amazing life. We have over 4000 followers in India alone. 1000 in South Africa. Each one of you is awesome and a great asset to this website. In the coming years, I hope to meet a lot more of you. Certainly, my followers in Fiji and the Maldives can host a book signing. I would be happy to come out and shake your hands. In regards to our friends in France, Peru, and Kenya, as well as everywhere in between, it would be wonderful to meet you at the very least virtually. Tell me what you would like to read more about. Tell me what you enjoy about this site and what is important to you. In what ways do you benefit from what we share? In what ways could we improve?

Lastly, I invite you to share this site. The more people we can reach, the more we can spread the positive, motivational and inspiring messages we share here. Share the posts you enjoy on your social media pages. Invite others you think could benefit from learning secrets to an amazing life to be a part of our family. That is what I consider all of you, a family. We all gather here to both discover and appreciate the true miracle we are all living. Let us introduce and meet each other. Share a little about yourself in the comments below and please continue to do so all year long. Your interaction only makes what we share here stronger. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

As a bonus, you are all invited to become a part of my new Podcast, Living the Dream with Neil Panosian. Here you will hear me read sections of my books and get the behind the scenes information as to what went in to creating them. You can also listen to inspirational messages as you drive in your car, go for a walk, workout at the gym or whatever else you may be doing. Just click on the link below to listen and subscribe. It is an opportunity to become part of another inspiring community of like-minded people.

CLICK HERE TO DISCOVER THE LIVING THE DREAM WITH NEIL PANOSIAN PODCAST 😀

ENJOY THE MOMENT! 🌞

The above picture was taken in fern Gully Jamaica in 2019. Margie and I had met this very nice lady, I think her name was Stephanie, on the tour we were on. It was truly a wonderful vacation where we met a lot of nice people. I often reflect on what a good time we had and miss being somewhere tropical with my love. We are currently planning on taking another trip in February to somewhere warm and sunny. It is tricky not to have my mind back in 2019, or look forward a couple of months to our next adventure. It certainly helps to do that when the temperature was well below freezing and the weatherman was cautioning you to stay inside.

Having these little mental vacations is not only helpful, it is recommended to maintain your sanity. They were only made possible by creating those memories in the moment. In a world where many of us post pictures of every meal we eat, it is just as important to slow down and enjoy the meal as we eat it. What good would it do us to look back at a picture of a mouth-watering meal and not remember what it tastes like? The picture from Jamaica was taken because we really enjoyed this young lady’s hospitality and wanted to remember the good time we had.

Here is another picture from a trip Margie and I went on. This one was to a city about an hour or so from where we live. We did so many fun things while we were there. One of my favorites was discovering a coffee shop that employed people with mental and physical challenges, giving them valuable experience in the workplace and an opportunity to feel how important and valuable they are. I even have a sticker from that coffee shop on the laptop I write on. If I would have stayed focused on how much I enjoyed our Jamaican vacation, I would not have been able to enjoy this one to the fullest. That would have been a shame. Not to mention, I was lucky enough to enjoy both of them with this beautiful lady.

During the holidays, this can be tough advice to follow. Especially, when we lose someone we really care about. Above is a picture of my grandparents. I recall a house full of people. My grandmother, and other relatives, making enough food for at least twice as many people as were present. It seemed the whole family got together. They have long passed away. The family does not seem to gather like it used to. I not only miss them, but those moments. Then I remind myself to do one thing – look around the table. It is very hard not to let our sadness of missing those we love overcome our gratitude for those we still have in our lives. This is brought home every time that I scroll through my friends on social media. I notice how many people, young and old, are no longer with us. It would be a shame to be missing them and not be able to appreciate the long list of those still with us. While our hearts are longing for those who left us, please let us look up and feel a great deal of love and gratitude for those who we are still blessed to have in our lives. Next year the list may be smaller and it would do our hearts good to know that we took the time to appreciate them while they were here. Loss is painful, but it is only made worse by regret.

One way to ease the burden of loss is to know that we lived, laughed and loved with those who meant the most to us. It will not only help us ease the feelings of loss we have for those who have already gone, but help that same feelings of those we will tragically lose in the future. Love who you have as much as you can and your life will be full of joy and peace.

ARE YOU MISSING MIRACLES?🙁

I love this picture for several reasons. First, I am a huge fan of Winnie-the-Pooh. Second, the quote by Hans Christian Anderson is amazing. Last post we spoke about changing perspective. Can you imagine viewing a lot of our everyday things as miracles? To some of you that may seem like a stretch, but really it is not. Take the simple act of eating. Food grows using the power of the sun. It is composed of complex molecules of all different sorts. We mash it up using our teeth and swallow it. Somehow, inside of our stomach it is transformed from a piece of broccoli, or in my case a slice of deluxe pizza, to a source of energy that powers all of the processes in our body. This occurs without us having to learn or do a single thing. Pretty amazing if I must say so myself.

Here is another aspect of miracles, being grateful. When you think of the things mentioned above, they might seem like the basic items of life. It is true that everyone should have these items. It is also true, that the vast majority of people on this planet do not. If you are reading this, it is assumed you have an internet connection in some fashion. Think of the miracles of that! You can access knowledge of the ages in the palm of your hand, in the case of a cell phone. When I was young you had to go to the library and search through volumes of books called encyclopedias. Today you just talk into your phone and access Wikopedia in seconds. 100 years ago, electricity and running water was just beginning to be the norm. Today, in places like war-torn Ukraine, and many rural villages in Africa it is still a luxury. Many of the things we can take for granted can be ripped from our lives in the blink of an eye. As I write this, the western part of the United States is being subjected to a terrible winter storm. 40 people have already lost their lives and thousands more are without power.

This is not meant to be a doom and gloom post. Just a poignant reminder that many of the basic services will become a luxury if they are taken away. A mother in Kyiv would give anything to have a safe roof over her head and a place to raise her children without the fear of a bomb falling on them. Do you have that? Be grateful. Somewhere in western New York, a family was wishing they had heat to be able to stay healthy and enjoy the holidays. Did you have that? Be grateful. There is a tired cliché that we do not know what we have until it is gone. For most of us, that is uncomfortably true. As the year draws to a close, I invite all of us to consider the ordinary things of our lives and how miraculous they truly are. Think of what many of us take for granted that others would be so grateful to have.

IS GOD A COMEDIAN?

It might be slightly ironic that one of my favorite people to quote is a French writer, but it is. Voltaire had a lot of interesting points of view. I like this quote specifically. How many of us have commented, at one time or another, about God’s sense of humor. In my life, there have been many examples.

More interesting in this quote, is the inference that we all take life far too seriously. Most of what we concern ourselves with, will not matter months, weeks or even days from now. Off the top of your head, can you name the Super Bowl champion from 4 years ago? How about the World Cup champion from 3 years ago? My guess is that unless you are from the location that won, or you are a super fan of the sport, your answer would be ‘no’. Yet, how many grown adults scream at each other every game? Don‘t even get me started on people who worry if they do not have the right brand of shoes or clothing on. Some of the happiest people in the world can hardly afford shoes.

Even the more ‘serious’ of the worries are only as important as the amount of our energy that we designate to them. Read that last line again slowly. Remember in high school when you had your first heart break? Seemed like the world would end. Now, how many times do you even stop and think about it? Lose a job you thought you would have until you retired? Certainly sucks, but that has been the starting point for a lot of amazing life stories. I believe God is a comedian. I believe the purpose of life is to find love and laughter as much as you can. I believe the ultimate gift is to not only find the humor in life, but most importantly, sharing it with others. For the last few days of the year, let us do ourselves a terrific favor. Let us lighten up, not take things too seriously and not be afraid to laugh.

DON’T FORGET!🙃

Middle of the week. Don’t forget to help someone else finish their week strong by sharing a smile 😊 or a kind word. Let us start this trend and fill Wednesday with joy!

IT IS TIME TO BE A FARMER!🚜🐖👨‍🌾👩‍🌾

My second conversation from my off day (if you missed the first, please check out last post it was amazing) occurred between my coworker Kelly and myself. Kelly was sharing how hard she works at sharing the journey and struggles of her sobriety with those who need it most. This can often be a very difficult path. When someone is dealing with the demons of addiction, it can be difficult to both admit and face. Those who have been through it themselves know that better than anyone. They know both the pain and fight that occurs every day, as well as the joy, health, and positive things that come out on the other side of fighting addiction.

When you offer someone a warning that their life is headed down the wrong path, even if done with great love, concern and tact, that person will often get defensive and the situation can turn downright ugly. This is not only true for addiction, but those in abusive relationships, those with self-destructive behaviors and a host of other issues that can ruin lives. When you are faced with a choice to say something and risk losing that relationship, or saying nothing and, by default, enabling their behavior, which of those you choose is up to you. My thinking is this. Kelly was being told by others not to mention anything. Even being asked, “How many lives have you actually changed by saying something?” Here is my thought on that. Which of these situations would you rather find yourself in? You say nothing, keep this person ‘happy’ and they end up in jail, or even dead. The second case is you tell them the hard truth, offer them not only tough love, but support, and they never speak to you and still end up self-destructing. Personally, I would want to know I did all I could.

I love this quote from one of my favorite poets. It reminds me of the second part of the conversation between Kelly and I. Understandably, she was really thinking about what she was told about how, despite all of her passionate and caring efforts, it seemed that it was having little results. I shared a story with her. Quite often, as a writer committed to helping people see the beauty and importance of their lives, I feel like I am falling short. Days, weeks and even months can go by without even a comment on some of the information and thoughts I share. My mission to leave the world a better place than I found it, can seem daunting at best. If I mistakenly turn on the news and see all of the hate and violence, it can feel like I am bringing a teaspoon of water to fight a house fire. Which is why I encourage everyone else to bring their teaspoon as well. The more people I reach and inspire, the more the world can positively transform.

While I am wrapped up in my own self-pity, feeling like I am yelling my encouragement and inspiration into an empty canyon, enter my lovely Margie. She reminds me of the time two people came up to me and told me that they were ready to end their lives and something that I wrote caused them not to give up hope. I can’t even relay that story without getting emotional as both Margie and Kelly can tell you. If, through the course of my journey, I never have anymore engagement from this blog or my books and podcast, those two people have made this journey a success. Funny thing is, I was not close with either one of this people. I planted a seed of hope and encouragement and it blossomed for them at just the right time.

I want to remind all of us that the good and love we put out into the world is like that. Whether that is Kelly’s effort to help those struggling with addiction, my efforts to bring a little light to what can often be a dark world, or you and the good you are looking to bring into the world. Remember we are planting seeds. It may seem as if all of our seeds are landing on soil that is not fertile, but some just take longer to blossom, just as some plants take longer to sprout. Many of our seeds may land on concrete and never grow into anything. How do we solve that? Here is my solution. If you want the same amount of crops, and half the seeds won’t grow, what do you do? You plant twice as much. You might want to read those last lines again. Plant as many seeds of kindness and love as you can. You might not be around when they grow into something beautiful, but wouldn’t be a shame if you never planted them at all?

SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO BE REMINDED 🤔

An interesting fact about writing books. As an author, I find myself so focused on the one I am writing, I can hardly remember what are in the ones before them. Another interesting thing about being a self-improvement author, is that as you are working on your own personal journey, you often forget some of the tools and strategies you share with others. Both of these things can cause a little grief. On the opposite end of the spectrum, the good thing about writing books, or the many other things I do, is that it is there in writing. You can review it any time you want. Even better, is what happened to me last Sunday. One of your readers can come up to you and remind you of a great lesson, tool or strategy you shared.

One of the people who come to Margie and my show is named Bobby B. He was absent for a while, but stopped in to say hello this past Sunday. Bobby can best be described as a high-energy, slightly enigmatic fellow. He does like Aerosmith and frozen pizza. We have those things in common. He has also read my first 2 books. On this particular Sunday, he reminded me of something I said in the second book, Living the Dream. That the goal of self-improvement or attempting to live an amazing life is not perfection. If your goal is to be positive 100% of the time and never have another bad day again, I have some very bad news for you – you are going to be disappointed again and again.

Bobby reminded me the goal, as I had explained it, is not to live in that state. To work on decreasing the frequency and duration of those negative emotional experiences. We are all going to have days, and events in our life that just suck. Pretending they don’t exist or not exploring our emotions about them will not give us an amazing life. The goal is to fully experience them and find ways in which we can heal in some fashion. A great way is to ask yourself how you can use the pain, anger, sadness or whatever emotion you are feeling. What lesson can you learn from what you have gone through. Can you share your story with others to help them with their pain? Practicing gratitude always helps me get back to living life at the highest vibration.

I am grateful to Bobby B for this reminder. We all have bad days. When we are pursuing living a more loving and rewarding life, bad days can even make us feel like we are failing. This adds a compounding effect to the suck of a bad day or event. We must be gentle with ourselves and understand that bad days and bad situations are often what make us strong and the people we need to be. It also pays to surround yourself with ‘OQP’ as Les Brown calls them. Only Quality People. I read a quote once, I do not recall who said it, but it went something like this – true friends half our sorrows and double our joys. Sometimes talking to a caring friend can make all of the difference. I know when we are feeling down, sharing that with someone else can make us feel like a burden. Remember you are not only giving them the gift of feeling helpful and valuable to you, but you may also make them feel more comfortable to share with you when they are in need.

Bad days are never fun, but they do not mean we failed and we can make them serve a positive service. Sometimes that realization may come after the pain and sadness have passed, but if we can learn a lesson, help others or get to know ourselves better, than that bad day has served a purpose after all.