This idea may seem very basic to many of you, but it is still very valuable and has a great deal of truth. This is a simple scale. As you can see it goes from negative four, to positive four. This is a great metaphor for our lives. If we think that by eliminating the negative, it will give us a positive life, we can see that is not so. If you think, “I don’t beat my spouse. I don’t smoke. I don’t say anything bad about others. That makes you a positive person.” As you can see by the graph above, that is not exactly so. If you are not doing anything negative, that puts you at zero.
To get to the positive, we must add positive things. We must work hard to make our spouse feel loved and appreciated. That is a positive. Ok, now we are at one. Don’t smoke? that is great. Staying active and eating a healthy diet, that is a positive. That puts us at two. It is good to not say anything negative about others or spread gossip. That means you do not get a negative. Want another positive? Try speaking empowering and kind things about as many people as you can.
The secret to an amazing life is to blend eliminating as many negatives from your life as you can. You also have to add as many positives as you can.Doing both of these at the same time will lead to the biggest improvements. Just make sure you are not making yourself feel overwhelmed. How many negatives can you think of to eliminate in your life? What are some positives you can add?
One of the first reasons I was brought into the world of self-improvement was the man above, Tony Robbins. Like millions of others, I saw his infomercial at 3a.m. and ordered the product “Get the Edge”. Those CDs transformed my life. Not only for the content and strategies contained within, but because they influenced and motivated me to share what I learned with others. Not only did I improve my life, but by becoming a blog writer, author and life coach, I was able to positively influence the lives of others. I am still a big fan of Tony Robbins. I refer back to some of his work as a good reminder of some of the core principles that began my journey.
Then there was my fitness journey. Still a very active, and often up and down, journey. One of the main influences to get me moving was the man above, Greg Plitt. Not so much for a desire to have a physique like him. Although, that would be a bonus. His knowledge of fitness, both the physical and mental aspects, were a great boost. In addition, he has great motivational videos that both reinforced what Mr. Robbins said, as well as introducing some new and powerful concepts. The more videos I watched, the more I learned. Then, I learned a very interesting fact – he was dead. He met an unfortunate demise while filming a video. I had been learning for months from a man that I did not even realize was no longer with us. I still watch some of his videos to get me into the gym and to educate on several fitness and nutrition aspects.
That leads us to this man. Probably, one of, if not thee, greatest influence on my writing and personal development career. His name is Earl Nightingale. His message, The Strangest Secret, is something I have listened to thousands of times. His strategies for success are straight forward and filled with common sense. He was one of only 100 survivors on the U.S.S. Arizona when it was bombed in Pearl Harbor. He owned his own insurance company. He had his own radio program. He earned the first gold record for a spoken word recording and went on to launch the self-improvement recording industry. The company named after him, Nightingale-Conant, has many great products to help you improve your life. He also reminds me a bit of my grandfather, but I digress. He passed away in 1989.
The point of this message today is that every day I learn from people who have passed away. The only reason that I can do so is that they shared their story before they did. That is why it is so vital to share the talent you have inside of you. Your greatest moment may come long after you are gone. Our lives on this planet are finite, our influence on it does not have to be. Read that last line again slowly. How many authors, artists, musicians and others were only truly appreciated after they were gone? There is a day that we are born, and a day that we will die. Most self-improvement is focused on the moments between. That is for good reason. I put forth that we should also think about the influence we will have after we are gone. What you leave behind could save the life of someone who is not born yet. What you leave behind could change the world for your great-grandchildren. Do not let your influence die with you. Share your story today. Whether that is a video on YouTube, writing a book, or sharing a blog. That could be recording your music, sharing your artwork or a million other ways to express yourself. Do not keep it inside you. Tomorrow is never promised.
I want to remind all of you the importance of putting a priority on yourself. This is not to say that you should disregard other people’s feelings. Quite the opposite. By being the best version of yourself that you can be, you are able to bring the best to those you interact with. What you should guard against, is sacrificing what is truly important to you to avoid upsetting others. If they truly value who you are, they will understand that you need to do certain things for your own physical and mental well-being.
If you face a situation like this, it is important to convey this information with tact. It is also important not to be persuaded by guilt, threats or anything else that will make you give up what is truly necessary to you and your well-being. By devoting your life to pleasing the masses, you wear yourself thin and will eventually break. You need to take time for yourself. You have a duty to make sure that you keep your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health up. Just as you can only change yourself, you should be the chief person responsible for yourself and your health.
Anyone of you reading a website about secrets to an amazing life are not ok with being mediocre. The simple truth to living an amazing life is focusing on what we can control and not being bogged down on that which we cannot. What we can control boils down to one thing and one thing only – ourselves. We are not happy with our health? It is up to us to change our diet and physical activity. Not happy with your job? Complaining about your boss or coworkers will not change a thing. Going back to school or pursuing your passion on nights and weekends while working that day job will. Not happy with your relationship? Blaming your partner for everything only puts the key to your happiness in their pocket. Working your butt off to improve every aspect of yourself and your relationship, that will make a difference. If it still does not, it may be time to take a hard look at that relationship to decide whether you are truly right for each other. That doesn’t involve blaming either party, just deciding your values may be different. Only do that after you have given 120% on your end, or you may end up living with regret for the rest of your life.
Learning to control and master ourselves will give us an amazing life. Realizing that there is nothing else we can control will make that a lot easier. If you are truly looking for an amazing life, and one that is far from mediocre, than look no further than the mirror. That is the person in charge of your life and the only thing you can, and should, have control over. Today, let us all work on gaining control over ourselves. Whether that is to say ‘no’ to that doughnut in the breakroom, or ‘yes’ to getting up and going to the gym, we must control ourselves. Can’t get control over an aspect of your life? It is your responsibility to seek out more knowledge or assistance to do just that. Today, begin the journey to an amazing life. Take control over yourself.
For those of you following this blog recently, you know that I have just returned from a week-long vacation to the sunny island country of Jamaica. What a fun time I had with my lovely lady, Margie. Today is my first full day back. Tomorrow I return to my day job at the Post Office. It was my first real vacation in 4 years and the first time I have taken a full week off of everything since…well…I can’t even remember when.
Ironically, when I was looking for things to write about, I came across this picture. It reminded me of something I think we could all benefit from. Stress, anxiety and overwhelm seem to be the status quo these days. Especially in “developed” countries. I put that word in quotes because we must ask ourselves what really is developed. Sure, our technology might be advanced. Does that make up for the lack of low-tech enjoyment? Our productivity might be at record levels, but what about the self-care that we all seem to sacrifice to get ahead? If our work output is developed, does that even matter when our spirit is not? It is time to change the focus.
Take the first item on this list. Humans were not meant to sit at a desk from 9 to 5. We really were not. We are meant to be physically active creatures. We were meant to move. Not only does physical exercise help reduce stress and release natural feel-good chemicals in the brain, it helps prevent and reverse many of the health conditions we all suffer from. You don’t have to slave in the gym for an hour, although I enjoy the feeling afterward. You can incorporate walks after dinner, bike rides with friends or even creating a dance routine to your favorite song when nobody is home. Moving helps us both mentally and physically.
The answer must be more relaxing right? The answer to that is both yes and no. While taking some time to unwind is something we should all invest in, how we do so becomes very important. Coming home to relax and watch a little television or a movie is not a bad thing. Bing watching for several hours every night is not healthy. Not only does it deprive us of the movement that is so valuable that we mentioned above, but it deprives us of time to accomplish things that will give us a feeling of pride and self-confidence. Again, this is not to say we should never relax with our favorite streaming service, just that we should do so with moderation. We should also mix in reading our favorite book, spending time with friends, taking a leisurely walk in nature and other relaxing options.
How about only exploring the world only 2 weeks a year? As discussed earlier, I am as guilty of this as anyone else. We need to get away and experience other cultures and people as often as we can. Not only will this broaden our knowledge of people and their circumstances, it may shed new light on our own lives. Look at this beautiful sunset picture I took over the ocean. A scene like that refreshes the soul. Talking with many of the Jamaican people, I learned that they were truly happy with a life that included a lot less than I was used to having. How did they do that? By focusing on being grateful for what they had. Seeing the poverty that many of the islands people lived in, reminded me to be grateful for all that I have. Even just hearing what is important to them and to their families allowed me to see life in a completely different light. Their friendly hospitality everywhere we went was amazing.
How about creativity? Adults seldom, if ever, spend time on creative pursuits. I believe this is for one of two reasons. First, they view such endeavors as wasted time. What does coloring a picture accomplish? I will tell you what it accomplishes. It helps save your brain from a meltdown! That is why I am happy to see the popularity of ‘adult coloring books’. Why do more people not do this? I think another reason is that adults are afraid of not doing things perfectly. If they look worse than their neighbor, they think they have failed. Not true. Picasso had people with square noses and he was considered a great success. The point is to just have fun and let lose. Keep that right side of your brain healthy. If I had to worry about being better than my neighbor, I would never do much. Margie is a very accomplished artist and can do almost any art thing better than I can. Still, I understand that we all have our own unique talents and shine in our own way. Speaking of Margie, she provides another clue to maintaining a creative outlet – surround yourself with creative people. The other night at dinner she stared at her blank placemat and exclaimed, “I need crayons!” She was serious. You need someone like that.
This plays into our last point. Not to have all your aspirations beaten out of you. In a world of online critics, this can be more difficult than ever. Remember this, someone who is truly happy with themselves will never criticize others. One of the most difficult critics to defeat is the one between your own ears. I remember when I thought about starting a blog, writing my first book, starting a YouTube channel or starting a podcast, I did my best to talk myself out of it. Luckily for me, I also had people in my life that pushed the issue. You want to write a book? Give it a shot! You want to become a fashion designer? Try putting together a few outfits. We function best when we are pursuing a dream. Never give up on yours!
I love this reminder. Words you hear all over social media and in a lot of self-improvement sectors are words like ‘hustle’ and ‘grind’. Sure, working hard is important. It is what allows us to rise above the crowd and become the best version of ourselves. What makes no sense is working so hard that we sacrifice the enjoyment of life. It is true that we have to make choices in regards to our priorities. We might have to skip thatshopping trip that sounds fun to make sure what we need to do around the house gets done. It may not be as enjoyable, but we will feel better long term. The key is to find a way to enjoy cleaning the house.
Whatever your goal in life is, make sure to add “enjoy the process” to the list. Not only will you enjoy chasing that goal more, but you will enjoy that part of your life more. After all, isn’t that the goal? To enjoy as much of our life as possible.
Here is one of those lessons in life that seem contrary, but they are not. As you read this, I will be on a beach in sunny Jamaica 🇯🇲. Sounds like a pretty fun time does it not? I am assuming it will be. We were, however, supposed to be in the Bahamas. Due to a better deal, and more convenient departure, we chose Jamaica.
If we were to focus on how much we wish we were in one tropical paradise, we would be unable to enjoy the one we are currently in. What a great problem to have, but people do this regularly. There are so many beautiful and amazing things in life, if we are always focused on what we lack, we will miss those things. Conversely, if we keep our focus on what we have to enjoy, we will go through life from one beautiful experience to another!
The same is true for waiting to arrive at our destination. My love and I are going to enjoy the process of getting there. We are going to create memories on the way to the resort as well as the time we are there. I’ve said this many times, we spend most of our lives on the journey of life. That is what we need to find a way to enjoy.
Even in hard times, look for what you can enjoy. This is not always the easiest thing to do, but it is possible. It is a lot easier if you have the habit of doing so in the good times. Maybe the good thing is just having someone to stand beside you while you are going through whatever it is that is trying your soul? There is always some beauty to be found if we look hard enough.
When something is scarce, it becomes valuable. The less there is of it, the more valuable it becomes. Coffee, for example, used to be extremely expensive. Now, with better international shipping, a cup of coffee can be had almost anywhere. This is great news as a blog writer and future best-selling author. In the modern world, many things have become more available and thus, more economical. There is one thing that has become extremely rare. It may be something that many of us think has little or no value. The truth could not be more different.
What is this thing that has become more rare and is often overlooked for its extreme value? The answer is this – down time. In today’s world, we are so busy trying to accomplish as much as we can that taking a break can have many of us feeling guilty. We are so well connected that being ‘disconnected’ feels wrong. The other day I drove by a high school on my way home from work and what did I see at the bus stop? Roughly 5 kids all staring at their phones. I won’t get into the online verses personal connection, that is for another post. What is sad, is that we are always busy doing something.
I love to go for walks in nature. I see people walking, jogging or riding their bikes. If they are alone, they usually have headphones in or a phone in their hands. What is the cost of all of this business? Lack of connection with the most important person in our lives – ourselves. We spend so little time in our own heads, we often have no idea what is going on there. I hear so many people say “I just feel down and I don’t know why.” Maybe it is because we are not paying attention to the thoughts and emotions we are feeling? We are busy watching, reading, and listening to things that we drown out the voice coming from within. You know, the one that might have warned us something was bothering us before it became overwhelming!
How do I know this to be true? Because one of the people I have heard say these things more often lately is the man writing this blog. On more than one occasion feelings of dread or sadness have overcome me and I have had no idea why. Not only is this a negative feeling, but it is frustrating as hell. How can you fix something when you don’t even know what is wrong? How indeed! What we need to do is spend some time doing nothing. Just relaxing and being present. It will not only be good for our mental health, which is worth its weight in gold, but good for our productivity. How can doing nothing be good for productivity? We all have hundreds of million dollar ideas in our wonderful brains. The reason we usually never realize them, and act on them, is because it is too loud for us to even hear them.
I am not just talking at you, I am talking to the man at the keyboard. Today I leave for my first real vacation in over 4 years. I will be gone for a whole week. Do you know when the last time I took a week away from everything? Here is the sad part, neither do I. These blogs will be written and scheduled ahead of time. My fourth book that is due out in the next few months? It will have to wait. What will be true is my mind will be clearer and better able to complete that book and bring you insightful thoughts in future blogs after this week. I encourage all of you to schedule some downtime and do so soon. It will not only help you be more productive, it will be a goldmine for your mental health!
In this crazy world, I have learned lots of lessons. This has become accelerated the older I get. That is a lesson itself. People generally go one of two ways when they get older. They become more rigid, or stuck in their ways, or they realize that they ‘don’t know what they don’t know’. I am fortunate enough to fall into the latter category. The older I get, the more open and compassionate I have become. Going through challenges in life can make you hard or allow you to relate to others in a deeper and more meaningful way.
One of the greatest lessons I have learned through everything is the importance of remaining calm. Extreme emotions can be beneficial. They can give us a boost of energy when we need it. Extreme fear can heighten our senses to keep us safe. More often than not, extreme emotions are a negative. They drain us of valuable energy and deplete our immune systems. Yes, you may get a boost of adrenaline at first, but it comes with a price eventually. When we are in the whirlwind of emotion, it can cloud our judgement and we may make decisions we will regret. Things that seem like the right thing to say or do when we are angry, sad, depressed or a host of other intense emotions, can have us asking for forgiveness for years after.
The quote above is some great advice. Decisions that could affect you long-term are best not made in an extreme emotional state. Why? When you act impulsively, you are transferring control of your decisions from your logical mind, to your irrational emotions. When you are able to stay calm, it is almost like being able to look down on a situation from above. When you act emotionally, it is like looking out from inside a whirlwind. You may not have all of the information to make the best decision. Even if you do, you may not be taking it into consideration.
I am not going to be foolish enough to tell you that staying calm in the middle of an emotional decision is easy. It is not. It takes a good strategy and a lot of practice. What is a good strategy for staying calm? That varies as much as the individual. You can try deep breathing, counting to ten, picturing something that makes you laugh. Whatever works for you. There is plenty of books and research on the topic I invite you to investigate on your own. What I can tell you is that developing the ability to stay calm is worth all of the effort. Staying calm is not only a talent, it is a rare and valuable talent. It allows you to maintain control when others lose it. It saves you the stress and heartache of regret over something you said or did that you should not have. One more thing that staying calm requires is patience with yourself. This is not a talent that will come all at one. No matter how much you study and practice methods on your own, it will be a lot different when you have to put them into practice.
My advice is to invest some time and energy into developing the ability to stay calm. It will not only give you the ability to objectively approach challenges in life, but will save your relationships much of the pain you will inflict by acting emotionally. Invest time in discovering strategies for staying calm. Invest time in practicing them. Your relationships will thank you. Your stress level will thank you. Your life will thank you.
This post comes from the minds of two of my favorite people. First, there is William James. If you read his life story, it is one of failure and depression. He was considered to be a disappointment to his family much of his early life. He then went on to become the father of psychology and was the first to offer it as a course of study. This quote about the power of our thoughts could not be more true. Our thoughts not only determine our emotional well-being and the quality of our lives, but what actions and activities we will pursue. Maintaining positive and self-empowering thoughts is one of the most powerful things we can do. There is one other thought and emotional state that we should focus on to improve the quality of our life. This comes from the second of my favorite people to be included in this post.
Here is another wise and thoughtful philosopher. Yes, it is my beautiful and sometimes crazy lady, Margie. Just this morning she surprised me by waking up with a deep thought that serves as the second part of our post today. It is the importance of living with inner peace. When you live in a state of peace within yourself, the chaos outside can affect you less. When you have peace in your heart, you are far less likely to inflict pain on others. There is a cliché that only hurt people, hurt people. There is a good deal of truth to that statement. The benefits of having inner peace cannot be overstated. It will help foster a feeling of compassion for others. It will help keep you from being negatively in your emotions. It will give you inner strength as well.
The million dollar question then becomes, “How do we develop inner peace?” There is no one quick answer to this question. The answers are as varied as the people trying to put them into action. One of the most important is to attach yourself to a purpose greater than yourself. When life is all about you, it is easy to let the outside world affect you. When you are living for a purpose greater than yourself, it takes a lot more to rattle you. That purpose can range from helping make the world a better place for our animal friends to increasing awareness and action when it comes to child and domestic abuse.
Inner peace can also be achieved a great deal through confronting our demons and putting them to use for us. When we suffer some physical or emotional trauma, especially early in life, it can haunt us and deprive us of our inner peace for the rest of our life. Through the use of a journal, or perhaps seeking professional help, we can confront and conquer these demons. When we do, we can reach back and help others who have faced, and are facing, the same trauma. In this case, we take a liability and turn it into an asset.
It takes work to do all of this. The payoff of developing and working to maintain inner peace benefits ourselves in terms of a healthier emotional state. This can lead to things such as a stronger immune system, increased joy and decreased stress. It can benefit others around us by making us more compassionate and understanding. This will make us a better spouse, friend, parent, coworker and any other role we choose to play. It will benefit the world at large by reducing the amount of stress and setting examples of how better to treat each other. It will also allow us to bring the best version of ourselves to everything we are involved in. This is what the world needs most. I would love to hear all of your suggestions for developing more inner peace.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 