Tag: Happiness

ENJOY A MERRY LITTLE MOMENT

This was on the door of Starbucks as I arrived to write this afternoon. Taking a picture of the words, I happen to catch a cool reflection of the clouds and the tree and buildings. Not even intended, but it plays right into what we are going to discuss this post.

The holiday season is upon us. Halloween is long past. Thanksgiving is right around the corner. Before you know it, stores will be filled with shoppers and your social calendar will be filled with family, friends and work obligations. Not to mention trying to figure out what to buy for Bob and Betty to bring a smile to their faces this holiday season. There is also the uncomfortable situation of being around people that perhaps you wish you weren’t. It can all be very stressful. Some of you may have even been triggered just reading that last paragraph. I became exhausted just writing it.

The sign on the door had me thinking of what is missing from our holiday season. You might be thinking, “Missing? Didn’t you just give us a list of stressful stuff we already have? How can we afford to add one more thing without going insane?” Legitimate question. Their are two answers. The first is that by adding this one thing you will reduce you stress level during the holiday season. The second is that you may already have this in your life and not be aware of it. Either way, you will want to add more. This thing is…you guessed it, merry moments!

What is a merry moment? It can be many things. It can be coffee with a friend. It can be finding a new item to try at the grocery store. It can be seeing a smile on the face of someone you love. Tonight, Margie and I are going to try a new frozen pizza. Doesn’t sound like that dramatic of a moment, but it will be a merry little moment. Even if the pizza is no good, we have each other to experience it with and laugh while we look for something else to eat.

Creating merry moments often just requires being more present. There are so many little moments of joy in life that we take for granted. Merely being present and feeling and expressing gratitude for them will both add joy and reduce stress for us this holiday season. If you are thinking why only do this during the holidays? You are one smart individual! You do not have to. The holidays do present a unique opportunity to do this, but you can add merry little moments any time of the year.

Another great way to add more joy and less stress to your life is to focus on creating memories and not on material items. Gifts are nice, but what people really appreciate is the gift of time, attention and being heard. Remember we mentioned coffee with a friend? Imagine how much better the moment might be if you went in with the intention of being present and really enjoying each other’s company? While you are being jostled in the crowded store, instead of being stressed out, why not notice all the work that went into creating the displays? How about the innocent excitement on the face of the children in the store?

Merry little moments are all around us. It may take a little more attention and a little more intention, but the result will be more joy and less stress this holiday season. That is a result that all of us can get behind. Once you get into this practice and see how it can help you live an amazing life, you are going to want to continue it long past the holiday season. I would love to hear more about some of your favorite merry little moments.

TAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS FROM ORDINARY TO EXTRAORDINARY

Last post we discussed how a mere 6 inches can make a huge difference in the world. If you haven’t had a chance to read it, you might wish to take a peak. The more I thought about it, the more that holds true in relationships as well. I almost titled this post “6 inches makes the difference in relationships” but that certainly could be misinterpreted. Do you best to get that thought out of your mind and let us move on.

Having a successful relationship is not as difficult, or as complicated as many would have you believe. Setting up some great communication and respect is all it really takes. You can have an ordinary successful relationship. My guess is that if you are reading this that would not be enough for you. Someone reading a site called “Secret2anamazinglife” would most likely want an amazing relationship. This is also not as complicated or difficult as you may think. There are a few basic mindset changes to make. By making these mindset changes, you will automatically take actions that will lead to relationships that are deeper, healthier and more productive for both parties.

How do you take your relationships from ordinary to extraordinary? The answer is in the words themselves. How to you change the word ‘ordinary’ to ‘extraordinary’? You simply add a little extra to it. This is exactly how it works in relationships. Perhaps your spouse asks you to stop at the store to pick up an item for them. Why not pick up a little surprise? Do not know what they would like? There is a good place to start, by listening. When they ask you to help them with something, try doing it with a smile and doing a little bit extra.

These may seem like obvious actions to take, but there are more subtle ones as well. As we briefly touched on above, why not practice listening more. This is not listening to respond, but to understand. Listen to learn. Our partners, or any relationship for that matter, will tell us what they like and dislike and what makes them happy and unhappy if only we would listen. Think of all the ability you would have to improve your relationships if you knew the other party’s likes and dislikes? Their favorite movies, books, places to eat, things to do for fun and anything else they would share. This will also make gift giving a lot less stressful for you as well.

Sometimes the extra can be time. Spending that little extra time thinking about the other person. What makes them happy? What can you do to make them happy or to take away some of their stress? One of my favorite things to do is to spend that little extra time thinking about everything you have to be grateful for in regards to this person. Then, you can think about how you would like to express this gratitude. Let me assure you that expressing genuine gratitude for someone and everything they bring to your life is some of the best ‘extra’ you can do. Do not take my word for it. Try it yourself!

Go the little bit extra. Whether that is a little extra silly or creating memories that even get you on the news, put a little extra effort in. That extra will take you from ordinary to extraordinary! On the top of your list should be thinking of what you have to be grateful for and how to express it!

WHAT WRITING AT STARBUCKS TAUGHT ME TODAY

The good-looking and charming gent above is me, while writing these blogs at my favorite Starbucks. While working here I tend to block out what is happening around me. This annoys Margie, but comes in handy when trying to complete a blog or book. The banter of the staff, the sometimes loud music and conversation of other patrons can be hard to block out for some. That is what Margie informed me of as she worked on her school work. For me, I get lost in the writing and look up to find an entirely different staff and group of people sitting around me. This happens more often than I care to admit.

Today was a little different. As I was writing my blogs I was casually observing the conversations being had around me. The staff here does an excellent job of greeting everyone who comes in. Quite often that greeting is followed by an inquiry as to the state of the individual. That could be a simple, “How are you today?” to something a little more in depth. It is nice to see that much engagement. Here is the crazy thing, most of the responses were negative. By most, I mean all of the ones that I heard. If you are keeping score at home, after being greeted by several employees and then asked how their day was going, most of the people had something negative to say. One man complained it was too sunny for him, only to follow up with the line, “At least it isn’t cloudy like it has been.” I thought to myself, “Wait, you are mad that it is sunny, but were not happy it was cloudy?” Between you and me, I do not think that leaves many other options.

In addition to these back and fourth quick engagements, I also caught pieces of conversations between several parties sitting down having coffee together. There were some discussing their disappointment the the state of government affairs. Another involved complaints about how their children were handling their lives. I understand wanting to vent to a friend. It is good for our mental health. Do you know what else is good for our mental health? Some positivity!

While discussing this with my friend Jason, he made what I think was a great analogy. When are we more likely to leave a review, after good service or bad? Here is the crazy thing, how do we feel after writing such a review? Sure, we may feel vindicated in the moment. We also usually relive the moment in our mind as we are typing. This often has us upset all over again. Now ask yourself, how do you feel after relaying good news to a friend? How do you feel after hearing their good news?

To recap, we feel worse when discussing something negative and happy when discussing something positive. In reflection, how much of our conversation falls into either category? I am just as guilty and find this a great opportunity to improve this aspect of my life. Here is my idea and I would love to hear yours. From now on when someone inquires as to my well-being, I am going to do my best to answer with something I am grateful for. This will accomplish two things at once. One, it will reduce my default negative response and two, it will also increase my overall feeling of gratitude.

I am inviting you to do two different things with me. Next time you are out in public, casually observe the tone of the conversations. If you work with the public, notice most people’s response to the question of how are they. Second, think of your own conversations and greetings. Do they involve “Finally being out of work.” or is it “Happy to be above ground!” Will you join me in answering the question, “How are you?” with something you are grateful for? I would love to know what you think about this and how you feel it will affect your life.

SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOUR SCROLLING 📜

This popped up on my social media feed on Sunday, so I thought I would share it here on our uplifting Wednesday post. Not only is it a great reminder that indeed that we are all amazing in some way that that we all deserve to be happy, but that it is good to be reminded of it.

I would encourage all of us to share more things like this not only on our social media platforms, but in real life too. Letting someone, be that friend or stranger, know that they are amazing, appreciated and deserve to be happy can do a lot more than we think. All of us face challenges we never share. We can get wrapped up in the insanity of life and forget our value. To be reminded of that may help someone pursue their purpose, bring a light to their life, or even save their life. Doesn’t that make it worthwhile?

Think of ways in which we can remind each other that we are amazing, appreciated and deserve to be happy. It would be great if you can share them in the comments. That way we can all do a better job of inspiring each other.

DO NOT DIE BEFORE YOU ARE BURIED.

I love quotes from Mr. Franklin. Seems old Ben had a lot going on upstairs. This one is no exception. Last post we discussed how important it is to live like it is the fourth quarter, because one day it will be. It might be today and we do not even know it. This quote kind of goes off of that thought. That is to not stop living. Life can be busy, life can be crazy. What we must remember is to never stop living it.

Living life is a lot more than just getting out of bed to take nourishment and use the rest room. It is also a lot more than going to work, paying bills and dying. Life is about love, appreciation and gratitude Those are the things that give life its flavor. It is so important to take time to do things that feed our soul as well as our wallet. We must make our joy a priority. This can seem impossible. Trust me, I know. I work a full-time day job, DJ on the weekends, write a daily blog and am working on my fourth book. There is also keeping the beautiful lady in my life happy. These are responsibilities, but also opportunities to find joy. That is our first place to look.

Can we find joy in that which we do daily? Sure, writing a blog at Starbucks is not as fulfilling as doing so on a beach in Jamaica, but there are things in which joy can be found. Every time someone in a new country joins our community that gives me a little bit of joy in my heart. Greenland I am still waiting. When I have written something that I feel will be exceptionally helpful, that is exciting. Feedback is my favorite. Reading comments and people’s thoughts and opinions. Even my day job, which many would question how you can find joy at the United States Postal Service, but you can if you are looking for it. Every project I complete, or coworker I bring a smile to is a moment to celebrate. How about what you do daily? Is there opportunities for joy you are missing?

The second way to feed our soul in the midst of our daily life is to use what Tony Robbins refers to as “N.E.T. time” that stands for “No extra time.” How can you use no extra time? It is sneaking in things that bring us joy into obligations we fulfill. Take your daily commute. How much better would it be if you did it cranking up your ‘happy playlist’ of songs that bring you joy? More on that can be found in my book, Living the Dream. How about popping in some headphones as you clean the house? You could listen to a motivational podcast or video? Looking for things that make you smile on your drive to the grocery store? Listing things you have to be grateful for while you wait in line at that same store?

Listen, these things might sound silly on the surface, but let me tell you that incorporating moments of joy and feeding our soul is what makes life worth living. The more we do so, the more flavor our life will have. It keeps the soul alive and makes life worth living. I can think of no more important thing than that. Do not die at twenty five only to be buried at seventy five.

PLAY LIKE IT IS THE FOURTH QUARTER

If you are a sports fan, you know what the fourth quarter is all about. Time is running out in the game. The chance for victory or defeat is getting tighter. Have you noticed how players seem to rise to the occasion during the last few minutes of a game? It is as if their minds become sharper, their bodies cease to feel the pain or tiredness that was starting to catch up to them. We have all seen teams that were down by what seemed like impossible odds comeback to, as they say, steal victory from the jaws of defeat.

The same holds true in the corporate world. The fourth quarter of a corporate year is when profit margins must be met. It would seem people’s talents come out then as well. Creative solutions that seemed to escape us throughout the year are forced to the surface as deadlines rapidly approach. Again, we seem to steal energy and be able to work a little harder and a little longer. We can wrap up projects we have been laboring away at in the first three quarters.

Most of us know about the two examples above. We have seen it happen, or maybe even been a part of it. What we may not realize it that it happens in other areas of our life as well. Relationships suffer the same fate. It is often not until divorce or a break-up is on the horizon that effort is put into the relationship. When the end is near, then we scramble to fix it. How many of us have heard someone say, “If only I knew they were so close to leaving I would have done more.” In order for us to not be the one saying it, we must realize something very important – it is the fourth quarter!

Whether that is our job, our relationship or the legacy we will leave behind, we never quite know when the fourth quarter is. “Oh, I am young so my fourth quarter is a way off.” you might find yourself saying. Really? Youth is not a guarantee of time. Tragedy and illness can take us all. Sure, the odds go up the more you go through life, but it can strike us at anytime. I recall being diagnosed with my heart issues. At the time I was doing cross fit at the gym and feeling great. There were zero signs anything was wrong. If it were not for a reading of a heart rate monitor, you might not be reading these words.

It is not only sickness or tragedy that can lead to an ‘early fourth quarter’. Think of relationships. One partner thinks everything is great only to come home and discover their partner has moved out after years of suffering in silence. The goal is to foster healthy communication so that this does not happen, but even then it is worth noting the possibility. Your job could suddenly need to lay off a percentage of it’s workforce for an unexpected reason. At that point you may have found yourself wishing you had been a better employee. It would also be a little too late.

If I were to offer any advice for the rest of your life it would be to live like it is the fourth quarter! Do this in as many areas of your life as you can. That is your job, your relationship, your health and your life in general. You never know when the fourth quarter will be. You could be in it and not even know it.

WORDS FROM FRIDA

Here are some powerful yet simple words of wisdom from Frida. She was a great Mexican painter and also had some of the best eyebrows! These words are not complicated, yet in them is the secret of a great relationship. It is doing away with the things we know hurt our partners. Things like lies and lack of communication. Replace them with simple things such as hope and coffee. Those two can be one in the same depending on the day. One of my favorite moments in the world is having coffee on the front porch with the love of my life. Just the two of us watching the traffic, birds and whatever else happens by. Do not take these simple, seemingly insignificant, times for granted.

Bringing hope to your partner can seem a bit more complicated, but it need not be. When I have a hard day at work, or face a cold winter day on the way home, my heart is filled with anticipation of the beautiful face that will greet me at the door and hope for the love the will fill the evening we spend together.

Lastly, let us talk about poetry. Every word out of our mouth does not have to sound like a sonnet from Robert Browning, but it would not hurt us to read a little poetry. Expanding the capacity we have for expressing our emotions is always a good thing. Gentleman, this is directed more towards you, but it goes equally for all. Telling someone, “I like your smile.” is great. Telling that person, “When I see your smile it gives me the same warm feeling I get when I see a beautiful sunrise.” goes a little bit further. They can mean the same thing, but certainly convey a different feeling.

We often want to make love this complicated thing. It is not. Do less of the bad stuff and invest more time on learning and doing the good stuff. By process of elimination, the more time you spend on learning and doing good stuff, the less chance you will have to do something that would hurt the relationship. One final thought. This works just as well in friendships, working and business relationships as it would in romantic relationships.

MAKE EVERY MOMENT WORTHWHILE

As I recently turned 50, life can be filled with lots of reflection. This is true no matter what your age, but as the years tick by, we are more likely to reflect on “The good old days.” The crazy part is that we seldom realized they were going to be the ‘good old days’ when we were experiencing them. In that very statement is another secret to an amazing life. While it does us no harm to reflect on good moments we have had, let us realize we are still having good moments now. It is up to us to be present enough to approach them with appreciation and love.

Allow me to share a personal example of this with you. As I write this, I am sitting in a coffee shop. This particular location used to be about a half a mile down the road. It was right next to a hamburger place where you could bring your food and custard over to enjoy with your coffee. It was bigger and had more places to sit. When I reflect upon many of the memories I have had there, including writing a good portion of a few of my books, it makes me long for the ‘good old days’. What seems to fade from memory is many of the troubles of the ‘good old days’. Due to the hamburger place, parking spots were not always available. In the winter, snow took up many of the parking spots as well.

In addition to forgetting things that might not have been that good about the good old days, we should appreciate the things that are good about the present good old days. The staff at this new location are friendly and fabulous for the most part. The new location is close to a different restaurant and also a grocery store and several other shopping locations. This is handy if your fiancée may want to shop as you work on a daily motivational blog…hypothetically. Yes, it is smaller but I guess that makes is a little cozier. Not sure how the snow removal and parking will be this winter, but it could be better.

Life is a lot like this coffee shop. We can focus on what we miss about the past, or we can appreciate and love what we have in the present. Understand that the present will be the ‘good old days’ of the future. What will we reflect on tomorrow that is great today? It is up to us to discover and focus on that today.

HOW TO TURN ON THE LIGHT IN A WORLD OF DARKNESS

Last post we touched on how important it is to go from cursing the darkness, to being part of the light. This is one of the quickest ways in which we will bring about a global change that will make the world better for us all. After yesterday’s post, there were some questions in regard to the best ways to be a light in a world of darkness. There were a few that were mentioned, but today we are going to touch on a few more so that your week ahead will be filled with more light and less darkness.

We will start with what I believe is the biggest source of light you can own – an attitude of gratitude. Before we get started on why this is so, I must thank Eduardo from Italy who reminded me of the power of this light. Think of turning on a light in a dark room. The darkness is gone. Both light and darkness cannot exist in the same space at the same time. This is true in the physical realm, but what about the emotional and spiritual? Also the same. When we are a light emotionally and spiritually, at least for the moment we are being so, there can be no darkness. The best way to do this is to be grateful. When we are focused on what we have to be grateful for, really focused, we cannot be focused on what we are fearful of, angry about or whatever negative emotion threatens to derail us.

Let me assure you it can be very difficult to be grateful when the world is dark. This takes practice and the more you do it, the easier it will become. Why go through all of the effort? If you eventually are able to feel grateful, even when your world seems darkest, you will have unlocked the key to an amazing life. There is nothing more worth the effort. That is not to say it is easy to accomplish. Looking at the quote above, it gives us an idea of how to be grateful for the struggles. Let struggles teach you patience, and failure remind you that there is still room to grow. Again, this will not be easy but if you keep at it, the reward will be an amazing life.

There we have it. How to be the light. A few more suggestions I really like in the quote above. Be your own sunrise. I even like how that sounds. Speak words that heal. How powerful is that? Especially in a world filled with gossip and doom speaking! Act with purpose and think with kindness are two ways to fast track your life to be amazing. I look forward to all of you becoming more of a light with me. Let us all work a little harder to bring the light and curse the darkness a little less.

CAN YOU FIND IT?

Here is a 30-day secret to an amazing life – find the beauty in everything. Some things this is easy to do. It could help you to start with those. Find the beauty in a sunrise or sunset. One of my favorites is finding beauty in different tropical  locations. The first week of this challenge, just do that. Find as many beautiful things in your life as you can.

The next week, try the people in your life. Just notice all of the beautiful people in your life. Remember that beauty is not always just skin deep. Some people have beautiful eyes, some people have beautiful souls. Bodies can be beautiful, but so is kindness. Notice how the people in your life are beautiful.

The third and fourth weeks are very similar. On the third week, ask yourself as often as you can, “What is beautiful about this situation?” As mentioned earlier, this should be easier for a sunrise than a root canal. If we look hard enough, we can find beauty in it all. If you can’t at the moment, just relax and let it go. You can even reassure yourself, “Although I cannot find the beauty in this situation at the moment, I’m sure it will occur to me at a later time.” Going to the dentist is not always a beautiful situation, but how much better it allows you to feel is.

Lastly, do the same with people. Ask yourself, “What is beautiful about this person?” When I do this with the woman  I love, it could take all day. In that case, ask yourself what you are finding beautiful about that person at the moment. This is easy when you are around people you care about, unless you are in the middle of a disagreement. In which case, it can be even more powerful to ask yourself what you find beautiful about them.

Again, this is far easier to do for some people than others. If there is a customer tearing into you for no good reason, it can be hard to find the beauty in that. Maybe it is just that they are helping you strengthen your patience or resilience? Often the beauty in things can only be seen in hindsight. Just like with situations, if you can’t find the beauty in a person, let it go and remind yourself it may occur to you later.

What is the purpose of all of this? The more we look for beauty, the more likely we are to find it. There is so much beauty in our lives that we miss much of it. Changing our focus to find it will make our lives more beautiful.