Tag: Family

LOVE YOU LIKE A RITUAL..

Ok, this is actually a title of a song I really like, but has a lot to do with today’s topic. One of the questions I am asked frequently is “Well what do YOU do that makes you so happy all of the time” I am always a bit nervous at answering this one, because sometimes if I tell people and they try it and it does not work, two terrible things happen. One, they begin to doubt the information they receive here or from me. They also may begin to question whether there are really things they can do to increase their passion and joy in life. Two, they think they have done something wrong or worse yet that they have failed somehow, which couldn’t be further from the truth. The fact is that happiness is not a one size fits all production. What makes me happy may not make you happy for whatever reason. Being surrounded by beautiful women and rum makes me happy, some of my friends may not share this method of happiness. Although I do encourage everybody to try it. Fortunately in my life both things are in ample supply, but alas we are back to the gratitude blog again.

To get back to today’s topic, rituals. This is something that occurred to me is something that I do daily that everyone can do and customize to their liking. Develop a daily ‘happiness ritual’ on the surface this may sound a bit goofy, I know it does to me. So much so that I wasn’t even aware I had several that I do that seem to work well. To avoid further complicating a simple issue let me just give you a few examples. there are a few things I noticed that I do on a daily basis. When somebody asks me how I am doing my answer is never “ok, how are you” or even “pretty good thanks for asking” no if someone is kind enough to inquire as to my daily well-being they are usually greeted with a “Legendary!” or “Living the dream” when you change your answer to that imagine what that is telling your subconscious mind? Not to mention saying and hearing the words themselves. When I stop at Starbucks for a morning coffee I usually toast the lady and say “Here’s to an amazing day” although I wouldn’t suggest sipping it right away, those cups are really hot! You do not have to use the above examples if they sound too crazy for you. After all I am a little different from most. Are there things you do every day? Shower I hope? why not say to yourself, or out loud, “here’s to a clean start” When you get in the car and turn the key maybe have the thought, or even say the words “Driving into my successful future” It doesn’t have to be sane to be a good one. Every morning I drive by a field of cows and I always say “have a great day girls” If anybody was with me they may think I am nuts, and quite frankly it does make me question my own sanity, but do you know what else it does? Make me smile! So develop your own daily ritual. Find something you do that you can turn into a daily smile. If you involve another person…cow…horse or something else even better! Rituals are an important part of any culture, what not make them an important part of your day?

A FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTION…

This is by far the question I am asked the most often in regards to both this blog and my upcoming book. “How can I remain happy when my loved one passed away/I was diagnosed with a serious illness/I was just fired” you name it. In fact, the day after I started this blog a woman who had all of those and them some asked me that very question. Now, at the time I was a bit overwhelmed by the screaming in her tone to answer. Even though her delivery was debatable, her question is a very valid one. Judging by how many times I am asked that question in one form or another first let me assure you that you are not alone. Everyone in life faces struggles. When it comes to death of a loved one, or serious and terminal illness, often a very serious struggle. So what them Mr. Smiley? What do we do then? In short – you cry. What kind of advice is that coming from a blog like this? An honest one. Let me start by again stating the goal of this blog, and of life in general is not to be happy one hundred percent of the time. Not only is this unrealistic, it also sets us up for feelings of failure. The idea behind self improvements is to make the good parts of life more intense and frequent and the trying times less frequent and less intense.

Look sometimes life gives us a little more than we can handle. Whether it be at work when you feel so overwhelmed being unemployed and homeless seems like a less stressful plan, or something more serious happens to bring us down, you have a right to feel sad. Pain is one of the most powerful tools of change and growth IF it is looked at in just such a light. A perfect example of this was given to me by a friend I know from the bar I work at, Tina. Recently she had a family member pass away. this is never an enjoyable experience for anyone. Listening to Tina’s story about the event I was struck by just what an empowered and inspirational view this woman took. Yes, she cried. When we lose someone we care about it is expected we should feel sad. Yet, she remarked how amazing it was to learn not only about the woman who has passed on, but about the rest of her family as well. She heard exciting stories from the past and learned things about her family she had not known. She told me there was as much celebration of life, if not more, than morning of loss. It gave her pride in not only the way she dealt with her grief, but the way her family did as well. I really got the feeling listening to her that is drew her family closer as well. it also inspired her to take a long hard look at her own spiritual beliefs. Again, sometimes pain is the best catalyst to growth. If given the choice I am sure Tina would have chosen not to go through that event. She understood all to well the realities of life. Sadness and grief should be given their respect and time. They can cause us to look inside, to grow and to reflect. If you have taken the steps to add joy to your life, when darkness does come, you will be better prepared to focus on and find the light at the end.

It’s all up to you…

When talking to people about increasing the joy and passion in their lives I often hear such lines as “If I had more money I would be happy” or “I just was born under a lucky star” or even “You don’t understand all the bad things that I grew up with”.  It is no secret some people are born with more resources than others.  More money, more education, a large support network, but these can be just as much of an obstacle as a gift.  Sometimes being raised in such an environment can be as much of an obstacle as an advantage.  How can being born in ‘all the right situations’ be an obstacle you may be thinking.  Being raised with things that others do not have often robs us of that drive for a better life.  That is not to say all people who are blessed with being born in the right circumstances are lazy, quite the contrary.  Circumstances are what we make of them.  For those of you shaking your head, let me give you some proof.  First, let us flip this story around.  What would you predict for a girl born to a 13-year-old single mother?  Let’s say that girl after the age of nine is physically, emotionally and even sexual abused from the age of nine?  What if that same girl finds herself pregnant at the age of 13 as well? Not looking so good is it?  Now let us say this girl leaves her mother to find her father at the age of fourteen and 8 months along, and then shortly after arriving there gives birth to a still-born child.  What would be your prediction for this young lady? Well that event could have destroyed, and rightfully so, any fragile teenage soul, but it only served to galvanize this young lady.  She applied herself in school remained focused on her goals and while being employed as a journalist was offered her own daytime talk show.  You see Oprah Winfrey did not let her circumstances define her.  She knew the life she wanted, and when she couldn’t find it, went out and created it.  So let’s do ourselves a favor and not cater to our present or past situations. Let us not be defined by events we had little or no control over.  Let us be defined by our future, and by what we are yet to become! Let us create our own future, starting today.

FIRST SECRET TO HAPPINESS…

“To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness”

-Robert Morely

When facing any challenge from a new job to trying to live a more amazing life, why are we so quick to be hard on ourselves?  I remember training some people at the Post Office who picked things up at a slower pace than the rest of us and I was always very encouraging.  When I was first learning, however, I recall being upset with myself for every little mistake.  Now if it was somebody else and they did it, I would remind them that we all make mistakes and the important thing is to keep trying. Keep going towards your goal.  So why are we so hard on ourselves? It has been said we are always hardest on those closest to us, and if that statement holds true I suppose it would make sense that we are our own worst critics.  I have a friend who is working on getting back in shape and she recently missed going to the gym for three whole days.  I heard her say things like “It’s no use, I’ll never get back in shape” and “why can’t I just stick with things?”. We share a mutual friend who is also trying to live a healthier lifestyle and I asked her what she would say if she heard her saying the same thing.  After a long pause she looked at me and yelled “It’s not the same!” I kind of chuckled, which really did not help the situation any, but then I told her “give yourself a break” and told her to encourage herself and give herself a little pep talk.  “Give myself a pep talk? That sounds silly” was her reply.  I asked her if it was any crazier then yelling at yourself.  She thought for a minute and then started laughing. “I guess not, maybe you’re right” she said. Ok, so after that we did have an ice cream cone, but she assured herself that was ok, and she was recommitted to her fitness routine.

Now I am not saying it is not constructive to hold yourself responsible for failing to do something you have set out to do.  Just don’t continue to beat yourself up over it.  This week let us treat ourselves like we would treat our best friends.  After all, we are stuck with ourselves for the rest of our lives, we might as well be friends.  You wouldn’t continue to stay with someone who yelled and criticized you every day, would you? No, you would tell them to get lost, you don’t deserve to be treated that way. So next time your inner critic comes calling, tell them the same thing. Say to yourself “I deserve to be treated better than this” because you are amazing and you do! Enjoy your week my friends!

WHAT ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT?

If you had to pause a minute to answer this, or worse yet, you have to answer ‘nothing’, we have a problem on our hands.  Our days can be filled with one responsibility after another.  Chores that have to be done.  Deadlines that have to be met.  People to meet, places to go as they say.  Well, what keeps us going is having a little something to look forward to.  I hear a lot of you responding “yeah friday, 5 o’clock”  While the weekend is certainly fun, we can’t live our lives dreading 5 days and enjoying 2.  No, I am talking about both big picture and daily.  First let’s look at big picture.  Plan a get away with a group of friends.  Make it months down the road so you can work out vacation time and child care and any other needs that may arise.  It need not be a trip to Vegas, although that can be fun.  Even a weekend get away at a cabin in the woods with the girls or the guys can be a blast.  Fun thing is, you can spend the days, weeks and months leading up to it doing fun things to get ready.  Maybe taking out the sleeping bags to make sure they’re clean.  Picking up a good bottle of wine to share.  Anything that can get you excited.  Plus, sharing with friends can keep all of you looking forward.  How much more fun would that work meeting be if in the middle of it you receive a picture message of your favorite wine with a caption that reads “Here’s to next month” or a picture of a campfire with the words “don’t forget the marshmallows”.  A female friend of mine even worked out with her husband to take the kids to a hotel with a water park while her and her girlfriends had an ‘adult sleep over’ for the evening.  They all brought something and stayed up all night drinking wine, watching movies and laughing.  As sad as it can be when it’s over, your left with fun memories and an eagerness to plan the next event.  This also has the added bonus of strengthening friendships, or relationships if you do it with your spouse, and that can always add joy to our lives.  So what are you waiting for?  Get some friends, or your spouse together and start planing some fun!! Tomorrow we will discuss the daily aspect of this.