In a world where you can be anything, be yourself
this was a random quote I saw on Facebook. It is a great reminder that while people pull us in a million different directions it is vital we stay true to ourselves and our core values and beliefs. We will examine in greater detail how to do this and why it is important later in the week. For today let us just ponder this amazing thought.
There are lots of things that are posted on here that may be issues I am struggling with myself. This happens to be one of them. It is a very interesting dilemma that was brought to my attention by both a coworker and a very good friend. Who do you talk to when you are feeling bad, anxious or nervous about something in your life? Do you have a few certain people you confide in? Perhaps you just write in a journal. let me tell you what I do. The reason I am sharing this is so you will not do it as well. Most people see me as the guy that is “happy all the time” first of all that is not exactly true which is an issue we discussed in the post titled ‘frequently asked question’. The fact remains that shockingly I live in the real world too and sometimes it just sucks. not very inspiring I realize, but true. So what does Neil do when I am in a bad mood? Well the thought process in my head, which can be scary at times, goes something like this. “I’m the guy that likes to make everybody happy, but now I am not happy” “well, you can’t be the person who makes everyone unhappy and brings them down” “maybe you should just not be around people until you are happy again” Let me tell you this is really the wrong way to handle things for several reasons. There are a lot of people who say “I prefer to handle problems on my own” That statement is an excuse. what it usually translates to is “I’m afraid to make myself vulnerable and let other people see me when I am hurting” or in my case and several other giving people I know “Everybody is dealing with their own problems I don’t want to be a ‘Debbie downer'” it is true that nobody enjoys being around somebody who is always down. It is also true that everybody has bad days. When you are more of a giver you tend to see other people’s problems greater than your own. I remember a situation when I stopped myself from sharing why I was having a bad day because of work issues with a friend of mine because they had just broken up with their boyfriend which I figured was truly more painful than what I was going through. I didn’t want to ‘bother’ my friend with my little problem. Then I heard a story about two guys going out for dinner and one fellow who was a little better off refusing to let the other fellow buy. While he felt he was being considerate he forgot to think about how his actions may affect the other man. “How dare you!” yelled the second man. He felt he was being deprived of the honor of treating his friend for dinner. The other man was thinking that since he had more money he would just pay. Unfortunately this only accentuated the other person’s financial situation. it made him feel like he was taking advantage of the fact that his friend had more money. Obviously this was not the first man’s intent at all. I must confess again, I can be guilty of this very crime. When your behavior tends to lean toward being a giver it can be hard to receive yet by graciously receiving a gift from someone with gratitude you are also giving that person a feeling of joy from giving as well. This was a material example, but the same holds true for what this post is really about. Sharing things that may be bothering you. When you keep problems bottled up inside you are depriving your friends of the feeling of being helpful, needed and a valuable friend. Of course that is not our intent, we just do not want to add to their list of things to worry about or be concerned about. Yet, it conveys a feeling of trust, closeness and demonstrates you either value their opinion or just their ability to listen. Now do not get me wrong, sometimes some solitude and time to think come in handy. As does writing in a journal which we discussed last week. But let us remember we must all be a giver and a receiver. When someone never is allowed to help you they may feel uncomfortable sharing their problems with you out of fear of the friendship being one-sided which will only lead to a distance between friends and a weakening of the friendship. Remember sometimes receiving help can be giving a gift to those who offer it. When you accept that gift whether it be dinner, or just the gift of their time with gratitude and humility you are creating a win/win situation and bringing the friendship closer together. So next time I am having a problem I think I will reread this email and do a little better at receiving.
Ok, this is actually a title of a song I really like, but has a lot to do with today’s topic. One of the questions I am asked frequently is “Well what do YOU do that makes you so happy all of the time” I am always a bit nervous at answering this one, because sometimes if I tell people and they try it and it does not work, two terrible things happen. One, they begin to doubt the information they receive here or from me. They also may begin to question whether there are really things they can do to increase their passion and joy in life. Two, they think they have done something wrong or worse yet that they have failed somehow, which couldn’t be further from the truth. The fact is that happiness is not a one size fits all production. What makes me happy may not make you happy for whatever reason. Being surrounded by beautiful women and rum makes me happy, some of my friends may not share this method of happiness. Although I do encourage everybody to try it. Fortunately in my life both things are in ample supply, but alas we are back to the gratitude blog again.
To get back to today’s topic, rituals. This is something that occurred to me is something that I do daily that everyone can do and customize to their liking. Develop a daily ‘happiness ritual’ on the surface this may sound a bit goofy, I know it does to me. So much so that I wasn’t even aware I had several that I do that seem to work well. To avoid further complicating a simple issue let me just give you a few examples. there are a few things I noticed that I do on a daily basis. When somebody asks me how I am doing my answer is never “ok, how are you” or even “pretty good thanks for asking” no if someone is kind enough to inquire as to my daily well-being they are usually greeted with a “Legendary!” or “Living the dream” when you change your answer to that imagine what that is telling your subconscious mind? Not to mention saying and hearing the words themselves. When I stop at Starbucks for a morning coffee I usually toast the lady and say “Here’s to an amazing day” although I wouldn’t suggest sipping it right away, those cups are really hot! You do not have to use the above examples if they sound too crazy for you. After all I am a little different from most. Are there things you do every day? Shower I hope? why not say to yourself, or out loud, “here’s to a clean start” When you get in the car and turn the key maybe have the thought, or even say the words “Driving into my successful future” It doesn’t have to be sane to be a good one. Every morning I drive by a field of cows and I always say “have a great day girls” If anybody was with me they may think I am nuts, and quite frankly it does make me question my own sanity, but do you know what else it does? Make me smile! So develop your own daily ritual. Find something you do that you can turn into a daily smile. If you involve another person…cow…horse or something else even better! Rituals are an important part of any culture, what not make them an important part of your day?
Really? You are going to tell us there is even a third way to effortlessly have motivation handed to us on a silver platter? You bet I am! So we have a calendar daily, we check our email daily. What is one other thing we do on a daily basis? Ok, before you get to far off the subject or share things with me I do not want to know, let me just give you the answer I am looking for. Check our phones. A majority of the people reading this blog have smart phones. I am even told some of you read this blog on your smart phone. Besides complimenting you are your great choices let me tell you that you are knocking on the door to even more inspiration that you know. In addition to the amazing and sometimes even entertaining secret2anamazinglife.com website you are now reading there are lots of other great things you can receive on your phone. I find it funny a great deal of you probably have the game angry birds on your phone, but no inspirational apps. Yes, such a thing really does exist. Imagine waking up to a beautiful quote and picture first thing in the morning? Would that change your outlook on the day? Would it make the morning commute a little easier to take? It would certainly plant the seed of something great to think about as the boss is yelling at you in the middle of the day. Just don’t let him catch you looking at it or the situation could become very un inspirational. The point here is this, there are lots of apps one can find simply by checking out your phone’s browser. Some I found looking right now are ‘inspirational picture quotes’, ‘inspirational quotes to live by’ and ‘inspirational bible verses’. Now do understand I do not endorse any specific one of these. They just happen to be the first three that came up when I typed in the word inspiration into my app browser on my phone. just another tool that can feed you motivation with little or no effort on your part. For those of you without a smart phone, do not fear, the former two posts will provide you some good alternatives. So one time a day put down the angry bird and pick up some inspiration.
this week was my high school reunion. Those sorts of things are always interesting. You see people you haven’t seen in a long time. In this case some who even live in different parts of the country. You hear lots of memories and stories of the past. I had to good fortune of hearing lots of stories and different opinions of myself. This can be a great moment of self-reflection and can be very useful to understanding how you present yourself to people. Also being reminded of things you enjoyed while you were younger and what you enjoyed doing can be a clue as to your inside truth that operates inside of you and may not be able to be accessed because of the ‘real world’. Either way I was introduced and reintroduced to some amazing people for which I am extremely grateful for. Always a good reminder of where I came from and where I am going to. So perhaps you can form your own reunion. Reunite with a long-lost friend. Get together to discuss old times and see if there is a part of you that you may have forgotten. If you cannot find an old friend who you could reconnect with via facebook, mylife or any other online service than just pull out a year book, look through what people may have written about you, what you enjoyed doing and the kind of person you were. Have you grown? have you evolved? Is there a part of you that you may wish to recapture? Take a trip down memory lane…just make sure it serves you.
Here is a subject that nearly everyone knows about…facebook. I see lots of different things posted on the pages of friends. I also hear lots of people either complaining or remarking sarcastically “there is so much negativity on facebook” Or “I can’t believe all the political arguing on facebook” I listen with the thought of why these people chose that. Yes, it’s true it may not be them who are actually putting the material on facebook, but it is people they have followed or ‘friended’. When I hear people complain about how bad something is, I have to ask myself, “Why do they make it so?” I hear older people say the internet is bad as it has too much adult material on it. True, there is a lot of porn on the internet. I hope that statement didn’t shock to many of you, but there is also a lot of charities, hope, inspiration and this very blog you are reading right now. It is all what you choose to focus on. If you do not use the internet because there is a lot of material you object to on there, you are missing the whole point. Nothing, by itself is good or bad except the meaning and the use we give it. So if you find facebook or the internet a resting place for negativity or arguing or pointless drama, take a look at who you associate with. When I scan my page I see inspirational and motivation messages from a lot of different sources. Yes, a lot of it is who I choose to associate with, but you can choose as well. Take a look at not only your social media outlooks but other areas of your life. Are there other areas you have either knowingly or unknowingly let negative creep in? Keep a look out for everything you can control and then take control of it. fill your life with as much positivity as you can.
A customer came into the post office the other day to mail thank you cards to people who showed up to her 40th high school reunion. She had nothing to do with the planning of the event and stated quite simply, “I just wanted to thank them for showing up and being kind to me”. Not only do I think it is a marvelous idea to sit down and write people a proper thank you letter, but she said something that impressed me even more. She stated that everyone she met seems to have turned out so nice, but some people she spoke with after told her they had the opposite experience. Even though they talked to the same people. How could this be? How could two people go to the same event, talk to the same people, but have entirely different results? There are many factors I suppose, but it reminded me of a story I heard that I would like to share with you.
Two old gentleman were sitting outside of a local diner discussing how the neighborhood was changing and a lot of new people were moving in. Suddenly their conversation was interrupted by just one of those people. “Excuse me, but you look like you may have been a member of this neighborhood a while. What are the people like here?”. That was the question put forth to the old men. “Well what were the people like in the town you came from?” replied one old man. “Oh they were very nice. In fact, we were sad to leave, but my husband’s job had us relocate here” was the reply from the new neighbor. “Well there is no need to worry, I believe you will find the people just as pleasant down here” replied the old man. She thanked them and was off. Well in the middle of a heated debate as to the fate of the local college football team the old men were interrupted by another new neighbor asking the same question. Again the old man replied by asking what the people were like where the individual came from. “They were terrible. Never friendly, rarely said hi to us. That is why we moved here in hopes of finding a nicer group of people” replied the young man. “I’m sorry to tell you, but you wasted your time. I’m afraid you will find the people the same here” replied the old man. The new neighbor left shaking his head. Well now the other old man couldn’t help but ask how he could give two completely different answers to the same question and which one he believed was the right answer. “They both are.” he replied. “People will find just what they are looking for. It has to do with a great deal in how they see the situation.”
Now I like this story, and it brings up a good point. People often do find what they expect to find. Unfortunately there are people who have no expectations and wait for the world to dictate to them how the situation will be. Even worse, there are people who expect the worse in every situation. Have you ever heard someone say “Expect the worse and you will never be disappointed”? Not only is this a very dismal and cowardly way to go through life. Effectively saying you have no control over how things turn out, but it is also negating one of our greatest powers. If you enter a situation or even a day expecting it to be a good day, chances are you will have more good than bad happen. Even if some things do not go as planned, they are easier to take in stride and quite often may be part of a greater plan. If you approach ever day with anxiety and expecting the worse, you will quite often find yourself correct. There are a million reasons why this is so, and we shall discuss them another day. We must ask ourselves, what feels better expecting joy and experiencing the occasional disappointment or glumly expecting the worse and being occasionally pleasantly surprised? I can tell you the attitude I would rather bring to life. The important thing here to realize is we have the power to choose, or to leave it to chance.
One of the many perks that occurs as you embark down the path of a positive life is this, you start to find inspiration everywhere. For example, I received a kindle for my birthday last year. It has saved me tons of room in my already over-crowded personal library. One of the other fabulous things it comes with is some games to play when you just feel like relaxing. Solitaire has always been one of my favorites. I used to play with my Grandmother when she was alive. We would spend a solid afternoon just relaxing and playing cards. It was a good time to discuss whatever was on our mind and I am forever thankful for those memories. So the portable electronic version is quite handy. No need for a lot of space or a deck of cards. It keeps the mind sharp and provides entertainment as you wait at the doctor, dentist or other such fun places. Ok, that is all well and good, but what does this have to do with inspiration? Great question. The other day I had noticed a few lessons I can take from the game and apply them to life. First the hand you are dealt. Sometimes you begin with a hand that looks like you are doomed before you begin. Such can be the case in life as well. We are born in the wrong economy, or on the ‘wrong side of the tracks’. Many people use these as justifications. What they really are is excuses. Much like in the game of solitaire, a few right moves and we can turn things around completely. I have started a game thinking there is no way I’ll win this hand, but sure enough I just keep playing and I come out a winner. So when looking at a situation that seems impossible I think of that card game and remember sometimes the worst deal can lead to the best game.
Another fabulous feature of the electronic version is at the very bottom of the screen it has a little ‘help’ button. Sometimes I can’t seem to find a move and I think I have lost the game. I push the little help button and it shows me one little move I may have missed. Suddenly one move leads to two, two moves lead to three and so on. Before you know it I have won the game. Ok, I can only imagine what your thinking. Unlike the staples commercials or this game, life does not have an ‘easy’ or ‘help’ button. On the contrary, it does. These help buttons are called friends, co-workers, books. Sometimes it even comes in the form of just taking a break or step back and examining our path so far.
So remember, when you think you have been dealt a losing hand or the game has been lost. Keep playing. Push the help button if you need to. You never know when you will come out a winner.
The very last lesson I learned from this one simple game? Even if you do find yourself a ‘loser’ in one particular game, you can always deal a new hand and start over. There is always the next game. May all your games be victories today!
I am a big fan of simple random acts of kindness. I am also a fan of surrounding myself with positive books, cds and other inspirational items to be enjoyed at any given moment. That is why I am happy to tell you about the book ‘The Power of One’ by Steve Maraboli. In this fabulous book there is simply 365 things to try to bring kindness to the world. Presumably one per day of the year. Of course you could do more than one a day, or do one a week. The important point here is that there are several good ideas for bringing kindness to others. If you are unable to find or afford this book, fear not, I am going to be sharing a few of these ideas in the coming days. I do recommend picking up a copy of you are able to as it is also sprinkled with great uplifting quotes and inspiration. The principle the book is based on is ‘one kind gesture, one person at a time, one day at a time’ It may seem like a small idea until you realize how many ‘ones’ you see every day. Imagine if every person you saw on any given day would do just one kind thing and you can begin to get an appreciation for the power of this idea. Speaking of ideas it may also be fun to form a list of your own ideas. Simple ideas of selfless kindness you can do for others. You’ll be amazed at the power of one, especially when you realize the one is you.
One of the greatest things about living a positive rewarding life is you are subconsciously attracting new joyous things into your life. In the world we are surrounded daily by both beauty and ugliness. What you choose to focus on is what you will notice. Of course there are certainly things we can do to surround ourselves with one more than the other. On my facebook page I subscribe to several inspirational and uplifting pages. Not only do they bring unexpected joy into my day, but quite often a bit more. Just the other day I saw a picture on one of these pages of a little bird and below it read “Happiness is a bird with a french fry” It created an instant and poignant visual. I think all of us have seen gulls in a parking lot having a field day with a few fries that may have escaped before their owners could consume them. I liked this phrase so much I decided to use it all that day. When people asked “how are you?” I would answer “Happier than a bird with a french fry” Not only did it make me smile, but in almost every case it made the other person smile as well. So this week, stop and think of an inspiring response for the question “How are you?” or maybe several. Try them out. Have fun with it. Enjoy and have a great week!
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 