Here at secret2anamazinglife.com, we are honored and grateful to be followed in over 200 countries and by over 100,000 people. As you can imagine, this covers a wide array of faiths, cultures and beliefs. There is one thing that remains the same. That is our desire that everyone may enjoy this holiday season with their friends, family and those they love. May they be able to do so with health and peace and joy in their hearts. Another firm desire is that those of different beliefs may find the peace and love to honor each other and celebrate together.
In a world that is all to often filled with division and hate, let us use this holiday season to reach out and connect with one another in the spirit of humanity. Although our traditions may differ, we all enjoy time spent with family, friends and loved ones. Let us celebrate this common ground with one another. Share a fun tradition you do with another. Maybe share a dish that you make this holiday with another family or group of friends. Most importantly, greet one another with a spirit of togetherness. May your holiday celebrations be filled with joy and love.
Above is a picture of my family from 40+ years ago. In case you could not decipher, I am the young man in the striped shirt looking so enthused. As many of us prepare to celebrate holiday celebrations of our faiths and traditions, many are concerned with making sure everyone at the celebration is happy and the season full of joy. Some of this is giving gifts that bring joy to the hearts of the receiver. You may think that a self-improvement gent like myself would tell you that gifts do not matter. You would only be half correct. There is a gift that does matter. It is a gift that can make everyone happy and it is one we all can afford.
The above photo is sadly how too many gatherings look these days. Not sure if any of these fine folks would even notice if the person next to them was abducted by an alien or teleported to a different universe. In the first photo, the one of my family, I can tell you that at least 8 of the people are no longer with us and it could be more. This holiday season, one of the greatest gifts you can give your family or friends that you are gathering with is the gift of your presence. There are two very sobering facts to consider. First, it could be the last holiday they are there to celebrate with you. This is not to take some of the joy out of your holiday celebration. Quite the opposite. The only time we are guaranteed is the present. I think of relatives and friends that have passed on and what I would have wanted to ask them or share with them this holiday season. My grandmother’s cooking, my aunt’s wonderful creations and so many more. Enjoy those around you to the fullest. The second sobering fact is that you could be gone next holiday. Scary thought? Yes, but absolutely true. I learned that the hard way with my heart surgery. This could be the last holiday that you can bring humorous stories, uplifting greetings and just general holiday cheer to those around you. Can you imagine if you had just one more chance to express holiday wishes to someone? Look around you. For someone that will be true.
This all may sound a bit somber, and it a way it is, but there is far more behind it. It is an urgency to feel grateful for everyone. Even those relatives that may get on your nerves a little. You will miss them when they are gone. It is an urgency to be present. It may be your last chance to hear someone’s laugh, or to make them laugh. Soak it all in. Be fully present and give the gift of your time, your attention and yourself. These are gifts that everyone loves to receive. These are gifts that bring joy to everyone’s heart.
One of the greatest self-improvement tools are affirmations. They help us access the subconscious mind and improve our inner dialogue. This can be vital as according to research, 70-80% of our inner dialogue can fall into the category of negative criticism. Can you imagine being forced to hang out with someone who talks negatively about you 70-80% of the time? That is what most of us do between our own two ears. Changing your inner dialogue can be a tough task. That is why affirmations can be such a helpful tool. As helpful as they are, there are several issues with affirmations.
Some of the greatest challenges of affirmations are the conscious minds disagreement with the statements. If you are repeating “I am full of abundance.” and you are sitting in your broken down car, your brain will be tempted to say, “No you are not! Look at your car.” This is why is is helpful to change it to things like, “Abundance is all around me and flowing to me.” Something your brain can’t argue with. Another way to get around this is using ‘Askfirmations’ which we will address in more detail in a later post. Essentially, it is rephrasing your affirmation as a question. Such as, “Why am I getting more abundant?” “Why do opportunities keep showing up for me?” The reason this works is that if you give the mind a question, it is hard wired to find an answer to it. It is rather like putting your mind to work for you.
Affirmations work best when done consistently. One of the challenges to this is the crazy busy world we live in. How do we remember, and more importantly, dedicate time to doing affirmations? One way to tackle this is to set an alarm on our phone. We do this for a time we can reasonably count on. For 5 minutes we repeat our affirmations. We can do them 5 minutes before bed. Not only will we say them, but the mind will continue to work on them as we are sleeping. Our partner may wonder what we are mumbling on the pillow next to them, but we can just reassure them we are working on creating a better version of ourselves.
My favorite way to do affirmations is to work them into things we do everyday already. One opportunity that often goes under used is your reply to a common greeting. How often do people ask “How are you doing?” or some other form of the question? Average people are asked several times a day. If you are in an occupation where you work with the public, that amount goes up considerably. Therefore, the answer to that question is something you say daily. Why answer with a simple, “Good.” or “Fine.” when you could turn it into an opportunity for improving your inner dialogue? Can you imagine answering something like “I am great and getting better all of the time.” or “I’m getting healthier and happier every day.” If you get in the habit of making this your response, you will be automatically saying an affirmation several times a day.
You can see how your response to a simple greeting can improve your life. One word of serious caution is to avoid what people think are cute, sarcastic answers. They work in reverse of what we just talked about. I can’t count the times when after I tell someone I am living the dream they respond, “Are you sure it is not a nightmare?” I hear people say things such as they are barely surviving and trying to get by. Why you would be feeding your mind this kind of thought over and over is beyond me. It not only brings down your frequency, but does so to anyone else in earshot, including the person inquiring about your well-being. Use the opportunity to make your life a more positive and enjoyable place to be and to make that voice between your own two ears a more positive one!
You may be tempted to dismiss today’s post. That would be a huge mistake. In the photo above lays the secret to changing the world. Yes, those little acts of kindness will change the world. I have written several times about the difference some of these acts can make. Think of the shopping cart example. How can returning one shopping cart make a difference? Considering how much danger the ignorant and lazy souls who leave their carts in the middle of the parking lot cause, the difference can be substantial. Even just returning your cart adds up. If you shop once a week, that is 52 carts a year. If you live with a baker like I do, it could be 3 times a week which is 156 carts a year. That is roughly how many carts a grocery store has.
We have written about picking up trash before. Once piece of trash a day makes for 365 pieces a year! If you don’t think that makes a difference, put 365 pieces of garbage in your living room and see how it looks. If you and your best friend do these things, that is 730 pieces of trash! What a cleaner community you would have! Trash and shopping carts are one thing, but people are entirely a different matter. We have discussed how to improve our world with small changes, now let us look at a more direct course of action.
The first suggestion is to tip your server. Tipping these days has become a little over the top. There seems to be an ‘opportunity’ to tip everywhere. It makes me glad there are no longer men’s room attendants. It is just one of a million ways to show small acts of kindness to people. The holiday season is stressful for a lot of people. Especially those in retail. This only creates a great opportunity to show a little kindness. It is also the time that our kindness means the most and will have the greatest impact. Thinking showing kindness to just one person wouldn’t make a difference? It reminds me of the starfish story we wrote about some time ago. In case you did not read that post, or just do not remember the details, the story can be found below.
This holiday season practice as many acts of kindness you can. It is not only a great gift for the world and for others, but it will be a great gift for your own soul. Share any ideas you may have for acts of kindness we can engage in this holiday season.
Today is the first day of winter. Where I live winter lasts about 9 months. (a slight exaggeration) Personally, I do not do good with winter. If there were a poster for Seasonal Affective Disorder, it would have my picture on. This is made even more challenging as I write a motivational website. In my writings, I advocate giving yourself something to look forward to. This is why I normally plan a vacation around February. That is right around when cabin fever starts to set in and I am moments away from appearing on one of those crime shows. “Author goes crazy and commits terrible crime.” Knowing me it would be breaking into a puppy mill and setting all of the animals free or breaking into an adult toy store and filling all of the blow up dolls with helium and setting them free. I might want to save that last idea. This year, I bought a car and am saving for my wedding so there will be no vacation.
As I sit enjoying the day today, focus will be very important. Although this does begins months of gloom and cold, it is technically the shortest day of the year. That means it will begin to stay lighter longer each day after. My new car certainly takes a great deal of stress out of the equation and is always warm when I get it. This will make the season a little brighter. I will be working on my fourth book which should provide me a great distraction.
For my friends living in colder climates that do not enjoy such things, what secrets do you use to make it through the winter months? To me a white Christmas should involve a white sand beach. Curious as to what everyone does when the beach is not an option?
As most of you know, I had open-heart surgery in 2022 and had a brief flirtation with death. Grateful it was only brief, but it could have been permanent. At that point, there wasn’t much i could do. The time before the surgery was a different story
I cannot assume that you have read my book, The Beat Goes On. That is the whole story of my surgery and life after death. Rather entertaining read if I say so myself. The time from when I was told I need surgery to the actual surgery itself was 2 months. That is a long time when it comes to anxiety, but a quite short time when it comes to accomplishing everything you want to do before you die.
Sitting next to this lovely lady in the movie theater, this became abundantly clear. What if I didn’t make it through surgery? What if, in these 2 months, I had to show her how much I care? How do you give someone a lifetime of love in 2 months? How do you celebrate your last Thanksgiving? Your last Christmas or ring in what could be your last New Year? You start to realize how fleeting life can be!
In a world of smart phones, watches and even rings, I think the device that best demonstrates what we are talking about here is the hourglass. The sand always goes from the top to the bottom. It slowly runs out, never going backwards. That is much like our life. It is constantly getting less and less. You will have less of it by the time you finish reading this post!
Now imagine you could not see how much sand is left in the top of the hourglass. You just new it was less and less by the second. Oh, you could guess based on the size of the hourglass, the thickness of the sand and other factors. What you would end up with us speculation at best. It could be a large hourglass with only a few grains of sand left. It could be a small hourglass packed with sand.
Our life is like that. We don’t know how much sand is left in our hourglass. All we know is that it is constantly running out. We can affect the rate to a certain degree by staying safe and healthy, but there are still factors beyond our control.
All of this to say is you don’t have time! Chase that dream now. Tell that person you love them now. As a person who had to stare down the possibility of death, and briefly experience it,let me assure you life is shorter than you think.
I’m not sure if you have read the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, but you definitely should. In a nutshell, it explains how different people give and receive love in different ways. Some, like myself, use words and verbal communication to express love. Some, like my lovely lady, use physical intimacy.This can be a hug, a kiss or even holding your hand. The crazy thing is people can give love in one language and receive love in another. If that isn’t confusing enough, the Languages can change throughout life!
Why is learning these love Languages so important? Here’s why. You can be showing love the best way you know how and your partner could feel like you are not showing any love at all. Do you think that could end up causing some issues between the two of you? That is why learning your partners love language is vital to a successful relationship.
Equally important is to know your love language. What makes you feel loved? Is it someone giving you time? How about giving you a hug? Maybe a meaningful gift? Doing an act of service for you? If you are thinking, “Hey, those all sound pretty good!” You are not alone. Most people can feel love in a few categories but are usually dominant in one or two. Want to find out what your love language is? How about your partner‘s? There is a fun quiz you can take together or separately in the back of the book.
When you know your partner’s love language, it is important to use that language to communicate. They will receive your love a lot more and you will be a lot less stressed. Once you know your love language you can convey that to your partner and they can feel more effective at conveying love to you. That will have them feeling a lot less stressed as well. Two people who are less stressed in a relationship with each other?That is a recipe for success!
Today is the day of the week when we have something to uplift each other. We are going to switch it up slightly. I am going to share the main thing that uplifts me on the site. That thing is engaging with all of you. Seeing the over 200 countries that have viewed this site, and hearing how and what people think has really filled my heart with gratitude. I always do my best to respond to each comment anyone leaves. In a busy world it takes time and energy to sit down and share your thoughts. That fact that these posts are not only read, but someone cared enough to share their thoughts is the greatest gift.
A special ‘Thank you’ to all of you who take the time out of your busy lives to read what we share here. It is my sincerest hope that I am of service to you in some way. Special gratitude for those of you who engage with us. I enjoy meeting as many virtual friends as I can. Whether you are down the block or across the globe, I consider you a friend and a fellow adventurer on the path to an amazing life. I wish all of our readers a healthy and happy holiday season and a peaceful and prosperous New Year.
A few posts back we talked about how your mindset can turn a hell into a heaven and the other way around. It would seem that life sought to provide me a personal example. My 2024 Toyota Rav 4already has a bad sensor that needed to be replaced. They informed me when I made the appointment it would take roughly 30 minutes and I could wait. So, after my 10 hour work day I made my way to the dealer. Upon arrival, Iwas told it would now be a 2 hour affair as they had to check other parts as well.
A few things come to mind here. Of course after a 10 hour workday I could easily be irritated about having to wait 4 times as long as I was told. I could have brought a book or some other form of entertainment. I could have arranged a ride to go home and come back when it was done. All of this would be legitimate to think and feel. It would also lead to anunhappy and stressful evening.
Instead, I am going to look at and use this time constructively. I shall avail myself to the available coffee and snacks. I will use my cell phone to write this very blog you are reading now. Most importantly, I shall focus on the fact that I am so grateful to have the vehicleI do.
Both of these sets of facts are true. They both also come with an entirely different set of feelings. Would it be better if I had my laptop? Sure. It is far easier to write on that. Am I grateful that I can still write on my phone? Absolutely!
Life is full of choices. One of the most important is what we choose to focus on. As you can see, the difference can be between feeling stressed and feeling grateful. That may not seem like a big deal in the course of an evening. If you put enough of those evenings together, it is the difference between a negative and stressful life, or one where you choose to focus on gratitude and opportunities.
When I grabbed this quote, I liked many things about it. It is very close to what we discussed a few posts ago how your mind and body do not have to be in the same place at the same time. Before we get into the actual quote, I have to share something about it. What made me laugh after further inspection was where this quote came from. When I was a senior in high school, I did not do well at English class. As mentioned in my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People, my teacher even told me, “I pray to God you will never have a career in writing.” At the time it was a fair assessment. Three books and over twenty five hundred blog posts later, maybe not so much. One of the reasons the teacher thought this way is my lack of appreciation of classic literature. When I read something, I like to be able to enjoy it and not search for what it is supposed to mean. Give me the story straight I say. The story that stands out the most in this regard? You guessed it, Paradise Lost. The very story today’s quote comes from.
Now that we have had some humorous back story, let us look at the quote itself. The very first part I find intriguing. “The mind is its own place…” How many of us stop and think of the mind that way? Many things only exist in the mind. Fear is a great example. It is created by, and exists solely in the mind. Many of the stresses in our lives reside between our own two ears. The mind has its own dialogue. As Mr. Milton goes on to explain, “…and in itself, can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.” What this means to me is that the mind we bring to a situation goes a long way to determine the quality of the situation.
This is the reason that you can see two people in exactly the same situation, but one is happy and one is miserable. One place I see this a lot is at the gym. Some people working out there look miserable. Some are lifting weights with smiles on their faces. If you stopped and focused on everything you have to do to get to the gym and get a workout, coupled with how sore you might feel after, it would be a pretty miserable experience. You also wouldn’t show up that often, or for that long. If you were to change that focus and realize that every rep of weights and every step of cardio are getting you that much closer to being the healthy person you are working to become, you would be motivated to keep pushing on.
This holds true in any situation in life. At a funeral for example. We can think about the regret of moments lost or never pursued. It will expand the pain and make the feelings of hurt and loss that much greater. We could also focus on the fond memories we have with the dearly departed and ponder ways in which we will honor their memory. This may very well help ease the pain and may even see a smile cross our face as we think about a silly or happy memory.
Switching focus is a great way to control what kind of place the mind is, a heaven or a hell. When I find myself in particularly trying situations, I ask how I can use that to serve others. This obviously does not change my circumstances, but it certainly changes the person I bring to them. Finding ways to bring happiness and gratitude to any situation can turn a hell into a heaven. I would love to hear your secrets for making your mind a positive place to be.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 