REUNITED…

this week was my high school reunion. Those sorts of things are always interesting. You see people you haven’t seen in a long time. In this case some who even live in different parts of the country. You hear lots of memories and stories of the past. I had to good fortune of hearing lots of stories and different opinions of myself. This can be a great moment of self-reflection and can be very useful to understanding how you present yourself to people. Also being reminded of things you enjoyed while you were younger and what you enjoyed doing can be a clue as to your inside truth that operates inside of you and may not be able to be accessed because of the ‘real world’.  Either way I was introduced and reintroduced to some amazing people for which I am extremely grateful for. Always a good reminder of where I came from and where I am going to. So perhaps you can form your own reunion. Reunite with a long-lost friend. Get together to discuss old times and see if there is a part of you that you may have forgotten. If you cannot find an old friend who you could reconnect with via facebook, mylife or any other online service than just pull out a year book, look through what people may have written about you, what you enjoyed doing and the kind of person you were. Have you grown? have you evolved? Is there a part of you that you may wish to recapture? Take a trip down memory lane…just make sure it serves you.

Facebook

Here is a subject that nearly everyone knows about…facebook. I see lots of different things posted on the pages of friends. I also hear lots of people either complaining or remarking sarcastically “there is so much negativity on facebook” Or “I can’t believe all the political arguing on facebook” I listen with the thought of why these people chose that. Yes, it’s true it may not be them who are actually putting the material on facebook, but it is people they have followed or ‘friended’. When I hear people complain about how bad something is, I have to ask myself, “Why do they make it so?” I hear older people say the internet is bad as it has too much adult material on it. True, there is a lot of porn on the internet. I hope that statement didn’t shock to many of you, but there is also a lot of charities, hope, inspiration and this very blog you are reading right now. It is all what you choose to focus on. If you do not use the internet because there is a lot of material you object to on there, you are missing the whole point. Nothing, by itself is good or bad except the meaning and the use we give it. So if you find facebook or the internet a resting place for negativity or arguing or pointless drama, take a look at who you associate with. When I scan my page I see inspirational and motivation messages from a lot of different sources. Yes, a lot of it is who I choose to associate with, but you can choose as well. Take a look at not only your social media outlooks but other areas of your life. Are there other areas you have either knowingly or unknowingly let negative creep in? Keep a look out for everything you can control and then take control of it. fill your life with as much positivity as you can.

Write a letter

No this is not some stunt to help the postal service I work for.  It is, however a great exercise to develop introspection, appreciate how far you have come, what you have accomplished and to set your focus and determination for future goals. How can all this be accomplished? By writing two simple letters. Here is the idea, you can do it all at once, or break it into two separate ideas. Pick a moment when you will not be pressured by time. Sit down with a pen and a sheet of paper, or in front of a blank document on your computer. Those of you who are regular readers of this site will know I urge you to go with the pen and paper because it creates more of a mind-body connection and helps you take time to focus your thoughts, but the main idea is to do the activity so whatever you feel most comfortable with, go with that one. Ok, here you are in a quiet room or busy Starbucks, wherever it is you do your best thinking. You are either staring down at a blank computer screen, or a blank sheet of paper. now what? Think back to a time when you were a very young child. Say three or four when you were just starting to comprehend your way around the world. You have already learned to walk and most of us to talk pretty well, though after a few cocktails I still doubt that ability in myself. Think of that child and everything they have to face in that period of their life. What advice would you give them? What do you wish you would have known growing up at that age? What were you most proud of? What things do you most regret? Just start writing. Spill out all of your thoughts and feelings. Remember you are writing this letter to you, so feel free to be perfectly honest. Who should you have been kinder to? Who should you have avoided? Now move ahead a few years. You are ten or eleven, just starting to leave childhood behind and have your first glimpse of what being an adult might be like. Think of what you thought you knew then, and what you wish you would have known. Remember as you moved through your teenage years all the heartbreak you would suffer and disappointment you would feel. What kind of encouragement would you have given yourself? When you felt like you wouldn’t have made it, like you wanted to give up. If only you could have shown yourself that you did make it through and that you would make it through even tougher struggles. Continue this letter all the way up through your life yesterday. What would you have told yourself if you could have seen tomorrow? Was it to hug someone a moment longer, or to end that argument far sooner? Ok, sign your letter “Love me” if this feels odd to you, remember you must love yourself. At the end of the day, no matter how much we love someone we are always left with ourselves. We must give complete love to ourselves in order to give it to others.

Now, perhaps you wish to save this step for another day. find yourself in that same place where you do all of your great inner contemplation. begin another letter to yourself, but this time think of what you might want to say to yourself the moment before you pass away. If you had only moments left before your life expired what would you want to share? Would you ask questions? Maybe apologize for wasting so much time in anger and sadness instead of enjoying the life you had? Would you regret a dream you did not chase? A goal you did not achieve? Perhaps you may regret spending all of your time trying to achieve goals and failing to notice and appreciate the beauty around you? Who would you miss? Who do you wish you would have said “I Love you” to one more time? How about “I’m sorry” or “thank you”? what parting words would you leave yourself with? Take care old pal? See you on the other side? or just a simple I love you? Now put these letters in separate envelopes labeled ‘past’ and ‘future’ or ‘young’ and ‘old’ however you care to do it. then store them somewhere safe. In a diary or a special book. A locked drawer. Wherever is special to you. Then when your life feels unsure, when you feel defeated, like there is no way to make it through the struggle you are facing. Pull them out and read them. Think of what an older you may say to you years down the road. Or what a younger you may think of how you are moving along. This can be a very emotional and revealing process, but it can also be a very healing process. just give all of you to it and you will be amazed at what it gives back.

IT MAY NOT BE YOU…

“Sometimes it is not all about you”

-Kaylene

My friend Kaylene told me this once and I must confess it took me quite some time to appreciate the full value of this statement. She said “Neil, sometimes it is not all about you”. My first reaction was what the hell are you talking about? I’m telling you about a problem that I have, of course it is all about me! The truth of what she was trying to say is we never really know the full extent of all the variables in the situation. If we offer a friend some gentle constructive criticism and they explode, you may leave thinking “was I do tough in my review?” “what did I say wrong” Truth is your friend may have very well appreciated your honesty, but maybe they had just been yelled at by their spouse for the same thing. Maybe it is a subject they are very sensitive on that you never knew. Truth is their anger may have little or nothing to do with you. If you respond with a harsh statement yourself such as “Don’t be a jerk, I was just trying to help you” it may damage the friendship beyond repair. Even when being left by a lover, or being dismissed from a job, we must remember it may not mean we are a bad lover or employee. If you know you have given your best and it still hasn’t worked out, remember there are lots of other factors we must consider. Try as we might we cannot control as much of the outside aspect of our lives as we may desire to do. So when life seems to be handing you more lemons than you could ever make into lemonade just remember, “It’s not all about me” This also works on the flip side. When you succeed in any endeavor it is seldom all about you as well. Sure feel proud, as you should. Just be sure to give thanks, even if only internally, to all those who may have taught or supported you. Take your fair share of responsibility but remember as my wise Aussie friend says, “Sometimes it is not all about you”

Don’t think about it

Everyone has heard of the value of positive thinking. In fact one of the best books one can read is “The Power of Positive Thinking” by Norman Vincent Peale. That being said there is a problem with positive thinking. I believe it was Tony Robbins who said “The problem with Positive thinking is you have to think about it” What we need is a change in perspective. You must train your brain to think as many positive thoughts in a row. Our brains have been trained since birth to find the problem in any situation in order to fix it. This kind of thinking sure does have its benefits, but it also has its drawbacks. First, it keeps us focused on what is ‘wrong’ with any situation in our lives, which in turn prevent us from focusing on what is right and beautiful. Second it creates neural pathways in the brain that keeps us focused on our problems instead of our blessings. It has been said that people routinely focus on the ten percent that is wrong in their lives to the detriment of the ninety percent that is right. Initially that sounds hard to believe, but just imagine having a toothache while on a vacation in a tropical paradise you have won and you get the idea. It is not our fault that we think this way. When we are young our parents teach us what not to do and how to address problems that may arise in life, which is surely good advice. Then in school far more intention is placed on correcting our deficiencies than growing our talents. The same holds true in the working world. So how do we change this life-long way of thinking? Start employing several of the ideas listed here especially the one in the post entitled ‘Start out easy’ which will help us focus on the positive aspects and events in our lives. Second, here is a fun game you can try with yourself. The first time I tried this is shocked me how ‘badly’ I did. That being said remember you are fighting against a learned behavior that has been ingrained over years, decades, maybe even longer. So be patient with yourself. The idea here as with all of my posts is to have fun while working your way towards a more amazing life. Here is the game. Try to think as many positive thoughts as you can in a row. These can range from “My what a beautiful garden” to “I am so grateful for my dog”. As soon as a negative thought pops up you must start over. You will be surprised at the amount of negative self talk going on inside your head. Again, be patient with yourself. When I first started this I thought to myself “Hey Mr. amazing life blog writer, Mr. happy book author, you’ve got this” My personal record for the day…five. Yes that’s right I could not get past the fingers on one hand. So why play this game? To depress us with how negative our thinking really is? No, to begin to retrain our brains to incorporate the positive as well as the challenging. Life is all about balance and dancing around like Mary Poppins is not going to help us learn and grow. That being said neither is sulking like Eeyore. One other interesting fact that I happened to notice is how insane some of the negative thoughts that honestly would pop up in my head without me even noticing. I think if counting how many times I called myself stupid, dumb and countless other things in my own head during this test I would’ve needed fingers and toes. Not only did I notice those thoughts as ‘ruining my streak’ but noticed how ridiculous they sounded. I made a mistake and was usually harder on myself than anyone else it affected was on me. So be patient with yourself, have fun with this and let’s see if you can beat five!

valuable treasure

“Just because a treasure is not valued, does not make that treasure less valuable.”

-Neil Panosian

Ok, yes I did it. I just quoted myself. Am I having a fit of narcissism? Am I running dangerously low on material? The answer to both is no. If you do have any other ideas you would like to add to the secret2anamazinglife website please feel free to let me know. This is just one of those statements that came out of my mouth once and I had to take a step back and go “Wow, that is so true!” Let me explain the meaning behind the quote. Quite often if we lose a lover, a friend or a job our very first question may be “what is wrong with me?” That is not always a bad thing as it helps us look at our role in the situation. Were we not attentive enough lover? Did we take our friends for granted? Did we not do our best at our job? These are all good questions, but there is something more to remember. Sometimes we have done nothing wrong. Here is my honest opinion, each one of us is a treasure. Not only because you are spending your valuable time reading all these words I write, but you are either doing so because you are genuinely interested in discovering ways to improve your life or you are a really good friend of mine who is just that supportive. Either way, you are amazing. When you “fail” in a situation and you start to feel a little shine has been taken off your apple, remember two very important things. One, the shine on apples is usually from a wax that is put on so you are better off without it. More importantly, maybe everybody was full.  What do I mean by that? Let’s use another analogy. When you think of treasure what do you picture? Jewels? Diamonds? Gold? We are each diamonds to the world in our own way. Very valuable, priceless. People pay their life’s savings for diamonds, yet what good would a diamond be to a starving man on a deserted island? Sometimes our treasure is just not as valuable to the situation. Other times the other person can’t understand the true value of the treasure. If you showed a diamond to a baby they would appreciate it no more than any other sparkling object. So when someone doesn’t appreciate the treasure that is you, just remember it doesn’t make you any less valuable, They may just not know any better like the baby. Take your shining diamond somewhere it will be appreciated for its full value. You are all treasures my friends!

KEEP STUMBLING

If you aren’t stumbling you aren’t moving forward. This was the exact thought I shared with a friend who was dismayed at her attempts to get over a bad relationship and move forward.  It was only after our conversation I realized the true power of what I had said.  Think of any situation in life.  Learning to play an instrument, starting a new job, all the way down to when we did first learn to walk.  Did you just start slow and keep getting better?  How did you get better? In every situation there was some stumbling, either literally in the last example or figuratively in the first two.  By making mistakes we are moving forward.  I often learn the most about people after we have a disagreement about something.  I also learn the most and remember the best after I make a big mistake.  Think of some of the most physical or emotionally painful things that have happened to you.  There are usually followed by the phrase “I’ll never do that again”.  To our credit, most of us don’t, with the glaring exception of celebrating too much on a Friday night.  The truth is, quite often the more painful the lesson, the more powerful the lesson.  Whenever we are trying to accomplish something great we will always suffer some measure of defeat.  The ones who accomplish greatness are the ones who don’t let it stop them.  So next time you catch yourself stumbling remember at least you are moving forward.  It is not possible to stumble while standing still.

CARRY IT WITH YOU

What if you could learn the secret tool that Einstein used to develop a good portion of his theories?  What if it was the same tool that helped a famous engineer design many of the products he patented? What if I told you this same secret was used by successful authors, business people, and other successful people of all areas? Would you want to know it? What if I told you this secret would cost you less than a $1? Well here is the great secret.  It will help you access the mountain of untapped knowledge trapped in your subconscious mind.  It is…a pen and a pocket-size notebook.  Now before you find yourself feeling disappointed. Let me explain.  Have you ever caught yourself having a flash of brilliance where you come up with a solution you have been working on for months?  I’ll let you in on a little secret, it didn’t just happen at that moment. Your subconscious had been working in the background on it for days, weeks, months or who knows how long.  Same goes for flashes of inspiration.  How many times has this happened to you?  How many times have you struggled to remember what it was ten minutes later? something to the effect of “I had the perfect gift for my aunt, but now I can’t remember what it was” Now not all your ideas will seem so great later on, but the majority just might.  Not only will it relieve some frustration and help you be more productive, it also helps train your subconscious how to communicate with your conscious thus bringing about more knowledge for you to work with.  So before you dismiss this as old-fashioned, or not useful just remember we wouldn’t have E=mc2 without it.  If you still worry about looking funny with a pen and paper with you, they also make great new apps for tablets and smart phones that are just like notebooks. You will be amazed and excited at all the great ideas you capture!

GRATITUDE IN YOUR WALLET

Every so often an idea comes across me that has me super excited.  This happens to be one of those ideas.  A friend of mine who follows this blog shared with me a trick he uses to bring about feelings of gratitude for his financial situation.  He also gave me permission to share it here with you and in my upcoming book.  Money, let’s face it that has to be one of the most stressful issues for a lot of us.  Especially if you end up with too much month at the end of the money as I so often do.  This young man was in the same kind of situation and it got so bad every time he went into his wallet to pay for something he got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.  He didn’t even feel like eating.  Which, he noted helped him spend a little less, but not the way he really wanted to.  He decided he had enough of feeling that way and developed a process that I felt was ingenious and can’t wait to try.  On a business size card of paper he wrote the word ‘GRATITUDE’ in very colorful letters. He had it laminated at a local office supply store.  Then he placed it in his wallet.  Simple enough right?  Well every time he opened his wallet now he saw the gratitude card which he had placed up front.  He then paused, and felt grateful he was able to make the purchase.  “It was hard at first” he told me. Even though he tried to be grateful for the moments purchase his mind kept reminding him of all the other purchases he needed to make that he couldn’t.  This happens because our brains have operated in the same manner for years.  After a while, this man was able to focus on only the present situation and his ability to be thankful for what he was paying for.  With a little tweaking I believe I have come up with a way to take this young man’s amazing idea and make it quicker, easier and more powerful.  In addition to the word gratitude on the card I suggest adding a special thought/prayer/mantra that evokes feelings of gratitude for you.  It could be a bible verse about being thankful, a quote from a famous person or just some words you have come up with on your own.  An example would be “I am so grateful for the abundance flowing through me now that allows me to make this purchase as well as the abundance flowing to me in the future so I can make more purchases”

This helps in two ways. One, it takes the thinking out of the process so you do not have to worry about coming up with just the right words and can just focus on being grateful.  Two, the words already assist you in feeling grateful and can help eliminate the struggles our friend had early on.  If you noticed I also added a line about being grateful for future abundance.  This helps by focusing your subconscious mind on opportunities for future abundance that it knows must come. In the worst case this idea will leave you with a better feeling about your financial situation.  In the case of our friend he now has a better control over his financial situation and even has started a savings account, which yes, he also feels grateful when he deposits into it.  So who knows, it may even help you turn your financial situation around.  Either way, I am printing out my card today!