FEAR OF DEATH

“The fest of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”

-Mark Twain

We have a Native American saying I like to use often. “Hoka Hey” loosely translated it means “Today is a good day to die” Now you may be asking yourself “Why would any day be a good day to die?” Fair enough question. Facts being what they are, we are going to all die sometime. A survey was taken of people who were in their final days here on this planet and do you know what their top five regrets were? They are as follows, in no order in particular:

1. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard

2. I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier

These are the same regrets that often surface when someone we care for passes away as well. I recall this happening when my grandfather passed away. The following day we were supposed to go to a market he enjoyed. Being a young man I must admit I was dreading ‘wondering around looking at junk all day and never buying anything’ funny thing is as soon as he passed away not only did I feel bad about feeling that way, as the years have gone by I rather miss those trips. So much so I have even begun making trips myself to that very market. There are always questions left unasked, thoughts left not shared, moments left undone. One of the reasons this happens is quite often life gets in the way. I’ll take that vacation with my sister when work is less crazy, or I will buy that special gift for my spouse as soon as I save up a little extra money. Yet moments and lives can be stolen in the blink of an eye. Usually we never know when that may be. That is one of the reasons most people fear death, but this fear can also be turned into motivation. Why would a day be a good day to die? Answering the question we began with, a day where you have told everybody you love how you feel. Where you have used every skill and talent you have to bring the most to this world. When you have given of yourself freely and accepted all in complete gratitude, then it is a good day to die. So live every day as if it may be your last and if you every catch yourself feeling at peace with your life, you may want to emulate Chief Crazy Horse and yell “Hoka Hey!”

BECOME GREAT

“Not everyone can be famous, but everyone can be great, because greatness is determined by service”
-Martin Luther King Jr

A BETTER QUESTION….

Don’t ask what if I fail. You will. A better question is when I fail, then what? This may not seem to positive at first glance, telling you that you are going to fail and all. Still, failure is only absolute if we learn nothing from it. Believe me when I tell you I was as guilty as anyone of being afraid of failure. I was especially afraid to try new things for the fear I may fail. Then I realized that by being a slave to my fear I was failing to try. Plus, what is the worst thing about failing? People laughing at you? Well first of all that seldom happens, we all have failed and know what it is like. Feeling like a failure? This is something that happens internally. We must understand failure is a lesson. Instead of becoming depressed we must learn to become curious. Why did I not succeed? What can I learn from this experience? These questions actually give us power when we do fall short and give us valuable lessons to move us forward. In fact failure is one of the best teachers. So when you fail realize you just became smarter. Like a lot of other things in life, the secret is learning to use failure, not letting failure use you. So this weekend when things do not go your way, get excited! Ask yourself what you can learn to make your future brighter and to limit or eliminate this sort of challenge from occurring again.

EGO VS HEART

“A man’s ego is as fragile as a woman’s heart.”

This line was relayed to me by a young lady named Samantha. Although it was mixed in with a few shots and cocktails it started me thinking. How many people put value on different things. This example is men versus women. As a general rule men do probably put more importance on their ego and women place greater stock in emotional issues. Even in this statement there are exceptions. Some men are very emotional. Some women are very proud. This doesn’t just hold true with different genders either. People of different faiths hold different things important. What one belief finds sacred, the other may not. Races and cultures have differences too. Add all this to an individual’s life experiences and it presents quite a unique make up.

So here is the bottom line. There is no way for us to know what may be held in high regard by another. What another person may find hurtful or demeaning. So how can we avoid a conflict or accidentally offending someone who is different from we are? Truth is you can’t. You can understand that even though what you said or did was no big deal to you, it may very well have been to them. So often I hear “Why are they upset? or Why should I apologize? I didn’t even really do anything” Understand if you upset someone you did something. True some people are more sensitive than others, but a lot of times there are things going on behind the scenes we really are unaware of.

It works the same way in reverse. What do I mean? Have you ever been having a bad day and someone says something to you, even in a joking manner, that really bothers you. It could have little to do with them and more the fact you were upset already. Understand most people don’t like to hurt others or be hurt. Strive to understand and be forgiving. It will not only make your life easier, but add to the lives of those around you.

GIVE THE PERFECT GIFT

I originally started this site because I wanted to create more joy in my own life, and wanted to share the tips I discovered in my journey with anyone else who may be on the same path. One of the greatest gifts this website has given back to me is the continuing discovery of new and exciting ways to improve the quality of my life. I am constantly looking to strengthen anything I think needs work on me. Luckily I have no shortage of flaws to work on. We all do. They may all be different, but they are all a blessing in disguise. Challenges and imperfections give us a chance to learn and to grow. Plus, the pressure on somebody who is perfect would be more than I could bear. One of the interesting things about me is that on occasion I stress over gift giving. I always want to give the perfect gift. Of course I would recommend my book A Happy Life for Busy People which captures the very best of this blog. That may be just a shameless self-promotion. Actually my wonderful friend Cheryl gave me the best gift idea ever. If somebody asked you what gift you would want if you could have anything, what would it be? Chances are the answers here will be varied. Diamonds? A new sports car? A promotion at your job? Roses from an admirer? Why do we want any of these things? Diamonds could make us feel extremely valuable. A new sports car? Well that could certainly makes us feel powerful or really cool. Promotion at work could give us a sense of importance. Roses from an admirer would most certainly make us feel loved. I know what you are thinking, “Neil these are not one gift, they are many gifts. On top of that, all of these gifts are different” Very true indeed. What if I were to tell you there was a gift that could make you feel all of these things? It would make you feel more valued than a diamond, more cool than a sports car, more important than a promotion and more loved than several dozen roses! Would you not want to go out and buy that gift for the most important person on your gift giving list? Would you not want to give this gift for the most important of all occasions? Well I have good news and bad news for you. First the bad news, you cannot buy this gift. It is not available for any dollar amount and cannot be created by anyone other than you. No, in fact this gifts only price is a few moments of your time, some honest reflection and a pen and paper. That is the good news, this powerful priceless gift is available to anyone! Ok, so you have read this far and stuck with me, what is this gift already? Well, here it is. An honest and heartfelt letter of appreciation and gratitude. You may be tempted to dismiss this as trivial…don’t! Think of how you would feel receiving a letter from someone in your life not only expressing their appreciation for you, but going in-depth as to why they appreciate you and all the things you have done for them. How easy to you think it would be to write and give one of those letters to someone? Here is a little secret for all of my shy friends. The letter still works (although not nearly as well) even if you do not give it to them. Sitting down and writing out all the ways you appreciate someone and all they have done for you will change the way you view and thus treat that person. I also imagine that the energy will be picked up in some subtle way by that person. Of course the feelings would be far more intense and have a far greater effect if they could actually read the letter. Give it a try. Write one, maybe even hang on to it a while. Just see how life changes. Maybe shoot for writing one a week. Pick a different person each week. Tomorrow we will discuss another once a week action you can employ that will have a great effect on your life this coming year…

ONE WEEK AT A TIME…

Here is a great savings plan that is very easy to stick with and can go a long way into helping you in the new year. It is very easy and I shall explain it here.

Starting the first week of the year deposit one dollar in a savings account (or even put it in a coffee can for all that it matters) now in the coming weeks add a dollar each week to that total. Meaning the second week of the year you put two dollars in, the third week three dollars. Ok, so after three weeks you will have six dollars. Vacation fund it is not. At the end of the year do you know how much you will have? $100? $300? $500? Actually you will have almost $1400! that may not be a new car, but having that little extra money could go a long way to taking the stress out of holiday shopping or pay for a vacation you deserve. There are a few little rules to observe. One, you cannot touch the money once you put it in. Also do not skip a week expecting to ‘make it up’ the next week. Stick to it, you will never have to put in more than $52 and that isn’t even until the last week. Two months in you will only be at $8. This also helps show the power of compound interest, which is something I would recommend to anyone wanting to live an amazing life! So let us start this week! We could all be on vacation together this time next year! In that case, remember to save some rum and an island girl for me!

FEED EACH OTHER

Tasty Food Abundance in Healthy Europe (Photo credit: epSos.de)

Further proof inspiration can strike nearly anytime. Last Sunday I was having a few cocktails at a local establishment I visit when I ran into a friend of mine, Matt, that I have known a while. He shared with me this very interesting story that truly helps explain why it is so important to be kind to others. Understand I am recalling this from memory and it is a night I was having some cocktails as mentioned above.

A gentleman was in the hospital after a serious car crash. He slipped into a coma while recovering. During such time he left his body and was taken up to heaven. His excitement was short-lived as God told him the reason he had brought him there was so he could visit both heaven and hell and tell the world about it. Given the choice of which place he could visit first he chose hell so he could get it over with. Down he went expected fire and people crying out in pain. When he arrived all he could see was a lavish banquet sent with some of the finest dishes available. This isn’t so bad he thought. Then he saw the people arrive. Attached to the end of their arms were extra long utensils. Try as the may the could not get the food to their mouth. Time sped up and he watched as day after day these people tried every different idea they had, yet all of them ended up starving while sitting in front of a table full of food. He felt helpless and sad, then he started to rise up and was soon back in heaven. Again he was at the same lavish banquet. Again the people came in the same utensils attached to their arms. “Surely this must be a mistake” he thought. how could the same suffering that existed in hell exist in heaven? He saw the people begin to try in vain to eat unable to get the food to their mouths. He felt confused and disillusioned. He heard the voice of good tell him to keep watching. Eventually the people figured out a solution, they began to feed each other. As time sped up here he watched as all the people stayed happy and satisfied. In addition they seemed to be happier and better connected with each other.

No matter what your spiritual belief may be this story shows something very important. When we try to rely on and only help ourselves we will surely starve. Not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. When we dedicate our lives to helping others it shall be returned in kind and everyone will prosper. So look where you can feed others. Feed them physically, spiritually, emotionally. Give them some of your time, an ear when they need to be heard, a shoulder when they need one to cry on. The more of us who do this the more this world will resemble heaven.

Bucket of balls

Golf balls, pebbles sand. Important stuff, sand small stuff

Here is a great story I read online the other day.

A professor took a bucket and filled it right to the top with golf balls. He then asked the class if the bucket was full. They all looked and agreed it was. The professor than took out a bag of pebbles and poured them in the bucket where they quickly filled the spaces between the golf balls. He then held up the bucket again and asked if it was full. The class, a little more hesitant, replied that it was. The professor again reached down to find a bag of sand which he carefully poured over the pebbles. The bucket quite heavy seemed it could hold no more. Then a cup of water was poured on top of the sand. The professor explained that the bucket represented a life. The golf balls were all the important things in life. Family, friends, health and one’s spiritual beliefs. The pebbles represented things that were a little less important, jobs, money, car and coworkers. The sand represented the small insignificant things in our life. The professor mentioned if our bucket was filled with sand there would be no room for the pebbles, and if we filled it with pebbles there would be no room for the golf balls. When one fills the bucket the way the professor did there is room for everything.

So what is the moral behind this story? Simply put, priorities. We must first fill our lives with things that our important. How many of us know people who are totally committed to their work and seem to have no time for their family? Being hard-working is a noble quality to be sure, but it must be done in its place. How many people do we know that worry so much about politics or what their neighbor is doing or the local gossip that they seem to have no time for their own life? Are we guilty of this in our own lives? I would imagine the answer to be yes. I know I have been at times to be sure. The important thing to realize is what is sand, what is a pebble and what is a golf ball. So the question is not “Is your life full?” but “Is your life full of the right things?” It may be helpful to think of this analogy once in a while.

BECOME, DO NOT JUST ACCOMPLISH

As 2014 begins a lot of us begin to lay out a few ‘new years resolutions’ a set of goals which we hope to accomplish in the coming year. Goals are important to be sure. They give us a point to aim for and direction to head. Still most of our resolutions fall flat and gyms that were full in January and February are empty by March and April. Why does this happen? Why do we give up on our goals so quickly? I think the answer is two-fold. First, a lot of our goals both at New Years and throughout the year are more about what we wish to accomplish. I can imagine you scratching your head asking “Isn’t that what goals are supposed to be about?” Well, yes and no. If your only focus is on accomplishing something say losing 20 pounds, it is outside of us. We are not very attached to it. Those 20 pounds are something separate from us. True, we only are wishing they were separate from us, but there is not emotional investment in something to accomplish. So how can we become someone who sticks to their resolutions and improves on who they were last year? The first step is to change accomplishing something to becoming more. Take the weight loss example. What seems like a more powerful goal, to lose 20 pounds or to become a healthier and more physically fit person? You could lose weight by starving yourself or taking some unhealthy weight loss pill, but is that really improving? So how do we stick to our goals of wanting to become more? Add a why. Most people have a goal, but there is no passion behind it. The easiest way to establish that is to decide why we want that goal. If your goal is to become a more physically fit person list why. Perhaps it is to be able to keep up with your children or even be around for them longer. Perhaps there was a painful situation that being out of shape caused, write that down! Pain can be a very powerful motivator if we use it properly. So write a list of what you wish to become in your life, then below each goal write several whys. The more powerful the better. Then as you start to stray from your commitment review that list. Remembering why you want to do something can be for more powerful than just remembering you want to do it. Try to remain positive about your goals and picture how life will be better when they are accomplished. That will make the goals your friends not your enemy. Any other ideas for sticking to your goals? Please feel free to share with the rest of us!

FOLLOW THROUGH

Take a look at the people featured here. Do you know what they all have in common? The all excelled in a field that they were specifically told they were a failure in. Not ok, not average, but terrible. Can you imagine television without Oprah Winfrey? How about the music history without The Beatles? Einstein not only became a great scientist, but changed the entire way we view the world. Walt Disney not only did have an imagination, but filled the imaginations of countless children when he was alive and his companies continue to do so to this day. You may be saying “Neil that is all well and good for these people, but what does that have to do with my life?” The simple answer is everything! How many times have you been told you were no good at something? How many times have you tried something a couple of times or maybe even once and failed miserably at it? I know I have countless times. What do you do? Do you stick with it? Perhaps you just say to yourself “Well that was nice, but I guess it’s just not for me” or do you believe the words of the so-called “experts” when they tell you that you will not succeed? Sometimes these sources can be well-meaning friends and family members speaking out of their own fears. I have a hard time imagining myself pursuing a career in professional sports if I was cut from high school team like Michael Jordan was, but he did and went on to become one of the greatest of all times. How many dreams have we given up on because we have been told that our dreams are too unrealistic? Or that we lack the certain talent needed to achieve success in that field? How many times have we tried something and failed at it only to move on to something else. Take another look at the list above and imagine how the world would be different if these people had given up on their dreams? That is of course unless you are like poor Mr. Disney and completely lack any imagination.

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: