YOU DON’T NEED AN EXCUSE

Today is Monday, a day that holds a lot of stress for a lot of people. It doesn’t matter what day you read this on, you might be experiencing some form a stress for many different reasons. What we all need to remember is that it is not only ‘OK’ to take some time to address any mental health concern we might have, but it is vital we do so. This can often be hard in this work until you drop society.

It seems the fashion of the day is to post things about how hard you hustle or grind. It is important to work hard for sure. Doing so at the sacrifice of your mental health is not only foolish, it can be deadly. According to a survey of 156,000 hospital admissions for heart attacks over 7 years in Sweden, they found you are 11% greater to suffer a heart attack on Monday morning. The day you are least likely to suffer? Saturday. The stress of going back to work, often to a job we are less than thrilled about, can literally kill us. This is just one of many reasons to take your mental health seriously.

If you feel guilty about taking time off to take care of your mental health, here is a thought to ponder. Research by Oxford University Business school in collaboration with British multinational telecoms firm BT found a conclusive link between happiness and productivity. A further extensive study found that happy workers are 13% more productive. By taking care of your mental health, you are not only taking care of your own health, but actually doing your employer a favor by reducing sick days and increasing productivity. Look at you, rockstar employee!

Taking steps to address and maintain your mental health is not only for work. When you take care of your own mental health by doing things such as deep breathing, meditation, taking time for yourself and other forms of self-care, you are able to be a better parent, better spouse and better person overall. How many times have we caught ourselves in reaction and later thinking to ourselves, “Why did I say/do that?” Chances are you were under a great deal of stress and not acting as the best version of yourself and instead reacting to the emotions you were feeling at the moment. Taking care of our mental health will benefit all areas of our lives. You should NOT feel guilty about it and you certainly do NOT need an excuse to do so.

IT’S ALL IN HOW YOU LOOK AT IT

I would love to share a story about one of the most unique gifts that I received for my birthday, which was July 29th. It was from the fabulous city of Lake Geneva, here in Wisconsin where I live. Margie, in her very loving manner, planned a surprise for me. We drove out to Lake Geneva, which is about 45 minutes away. She had an address typed into my GPS so I did not know where I was going. When we arrived at the destination, there seemed to be less parking spaces than there were cars looking for them. Whatever this surprise was, it was due to happen at a certain time which was rapidly approaching. We circled the area for several minutes getting a little more nervous with every second that ticked off the clock.

Then it happened. I circled the block and there was a spot right in front of where we were going. Someone had just vacated and I pulled in. We celebrated our good fortune and hastened to our send off spot. I discovered this was a port and we were to get on a boat. This took you around the lake that gave the city of Lake Geneva its name. It was a guided tour that explained each of the houses on the side of the lake. They belonged to business tycoons such as Wrigley and Nabisco. During this informative trip out on lake, they also served us a delicious ice cream sundae. Margie relaxed in my arms as we listened to the information tell us all about the lake and the people who lived there. By all accounts it was a wonderful experience.

the boat we were on

As the tour ended and we began to pile off the boat, I felt sorry for all of the people who parked far away. After such a relaxing tour, some had to walk quite a way back to their vehicles. I felt grateful for our good luck in finding an open spot so close to the boat. Then I saw it – a little piece of paper under the windshield wiper. About 6 stalls down from where we parked there was a “metered parking” sign. Not familiar with the area, and in such a hurry I did not stop to look around. Margie was rather upset. Having planned this fun excursion, she did not want it dampened by a citation. I was a lot less bothered. It is true that I did park illegally. It was also true that it wasn’t very clear that it was a metered spot. Still, I did commit the infraction. It even had my birthday on the ticket. It was only $20 and gave me a good little chuckle. Seeing how upset Margie was and how worried she was that it might lessen my ability to enjoy my birthday, melted my heart. It was a great sign of how she really cares.

To me, this parking ticket will remind me of the fun boat tour we went on. It will remind of all the neat things we learned as she relaxed in my arms. It will remind me how we laughed as we enjoyed our ice cream. It will remind me of how much she cares and how she was so worried that it might impact my ability to enjoy my birthday. It will even remind me of the other cool surprise of the day. We went to a drive through safari! There were bison, camels, emus and lots of other animals that would come right up to the car. The bison even stuck his head in and grabbed the bucket of food right out of Margie’s hand. We had a big laugh about that. This one ticket will forever remind me of all of this.

I certainly could have let the ticket ruin the fun times we were having. What good would that have done? I knew Margie felt bad as it was and if I would have gotten upset it would have only served to make her feel worse. At the end of all of that, I still would have owed $20 to the city of Lake Geneva. I could have focused on how poorly the signs were placed for someone unfamiliar with the city. I could have called and yelled at the city clerk. Sure, maybe they would have thrown out the ticket, but at what cost to me? Loss of peace of mind and quite possibly one of the best days I have had in a long time. I would have also made the love of my life feel terrible when she worked so hard to plan everything. That would have been inconsiderate. Instead, I am using this ticket as a physical reminder of all the fun we had that day and the amazing lady I had that planned it all. Plus, I hope the few dollars I spent on the ticket went to do some good for the city that hosted all of that fun and the people who work in it. Can you think of a situation that you can turn around and use for your advantage?

TIME TO CELEBRATE!!!

ANOTHER MILESTONE

On behalf of all of us here at Secret2anamazinglife, we want to thank you for this milestone! This information is actually a few weeks old, but we are celebrating it today just the same. We also recently passed the 68,000 total followers and are nearing 1000 followers on WordPress alone! We also had our 1500th post as well. This accomplishments are certainly a testament to all of the hard work of those here at Secret2anamazinglife, to be sure. It is also due in no small part due to readers like you. Helping get the word out about this website has gotten us where we are today. We have been read in all 7 continents and in over 150 countries.

The best part is thanks to the support of viewers like you we are able to touch the lives of people across the globe and right next door. Just the other day I was informed we are now being followed in Lesotho. If you had told us that we would be able to bring positivity to a country in South Africa I would have been hard pressed to believe you. While most of us here celebrate, I am eternally grateful. I am thankful that we have been welcomed into so many homes in the last 9 years. I am full of gratitude that our words can bring motivation and inspiration to people in so many places.

While we are feeling both celebratory and grateful, I am going to ask you, the reader, a big favor. Please help us to continue to spread the encouraging words and ideas we share here on secret2anamazinglife.com. There are a few countries, and plenty of individuals who could use the special brand of light we bring to the world. No matter where you are, I ask that you please share this site with your friends and neighbors. Allow us to inspire and bring peace into the hearts of millions of people across the globe. Whether that is in Greenland or Iceland, Slovakia or Slovenia we want to reach those who need us. From our brothers in Uruguay to our sisters in Paraguay, we want to bring a smile to your face and your heart. Thank you for helping us reach the milestones we have, and thank you in advance for helping us reach all of the milestones yet to come!

WHAT A GREAT EXPERIENCE

This was one of those things on social media you post and people comment what they love most about you. I did it as a means to discover new and interesting views about how people see me. It was a good exercise for several reasons. What I left with was a profound and grateful feeling in my heart for the kind words that people shared as well as a greater appreciation for the friends that I have in them. It also served as a great indicator as to whether or not I was really fulfilling the vision of the man I strive to be. One thing that made me happy, was judging by the comments I read the answer to that was definitely in the affirmative. New friends, not so new friends and even soul friends let me know that I was indeed living up to my standards for the type of man I wish to be.

I formerly advocated to write your own eulogy as a means of gaining clarity as to the type of person you wish to be thought of at the end of your life as well as how far you have to go to reach that point. I still think that is a very powerful exercise. If you would like more information on doing so, you can watch the video with that title on my YouTube channel, Neil Panosian, or read that section in my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People. While that is helpful in discovering who you want to be and how far you have to go, putting something like this on your social media is a good way to get a snapshot of how you are being viewed currently. The answers will hopefully fill you with a sense of joy and a great deal of appreciation for those you share your life with, like it did for me.

My greeting for all of you today

My next thought about this activity was what a great addition to everyone’s day this probably was. How many of us are quick to post a snarky political post or some sarcastic meme? I hear people complain about social media as a negative influence more than anything else at my seminars. This still strikes me as odd because we, for the most part, control who and what we see on our social media pages. This got me thinking about something I teach in my books and when I speak live. The best, and often easiest, way to eliminate negativity from your life is to add positivity. This is easy to see on social media. Are you sick of all the negative political banter? Do not like seeing depressing news? Done with people who bring nothing but drama, yet you are hesitant to delete them because it will just cause…well…drama? Have no fear my friends! The solution is at hand. You add some positive material.

This doesn’t have to even be something in the self-improvement field or subscribing to the Secret2anamazinglife Facebook page, although you could certainly do worse. No, it can be anything that brings you a smile. If you were my lovely Margie it could be the unicorn and puppy cupcake eating page. If you happen to be a future best selling author and speaker, it could be the sipping Jamaican coffee while sitting on a beach in…say…Jamaica page. The formula here is as follows – even if the usual amount of negative nonsense would still be on your page, it would be coupled with unicorns and puppies eating cupcakes, or coffee and beaches, depending on who you are. Eventually, things would begin to shift towards the positive. If you share this formula with all of your friends and family (you can even share it with all of those people who continue with the political posts) and have them start doing it, that will lead to even MORE positive things showing up on your page! This brings us to our final point and challenge….

I would like to invite you to the Secret2anamazinglife positive social media challenge! For the rest of September, post at least one positive thing on social media every day. This can be many things. It could be a romantic and loving post about your significant other (I think you can guess the positive outcome that might have) It can be a picture of a person or animal that makes you smile. It can be an inspiring news story. It can even be a picture of a beautiful beach you would like to visit. One caveat here, it cannot be accompanied by a sarcastic caption or comment. You cannot post a getaway in Fiji and caption it “I would rather be relaxing here than working this stupid postal job” Nothing negative. Either just post the picture or add something like, “I can’t wait to be relaxing here one day” I am going to do this, and I invite all of you to do the same. Feel free to share some of the positive things you will share in the comments below. If we all do this for the rest of the month, we will bring a lot of smiles to those who see our social media, which in tru

A QUICK TUESDAY REMINDER

A quick reminder

As we return from a long holiday weekend here in the United States, and as we settle into our week, let us take a second to remind ourselves of something very important.

Often when speaking at seminars and book signings, people ask me why being happy is so important. They feel focusing on health, finances and a host of other issues more pressing. My counter to that argument is that happiness is not mutually exclusive to those issues. In fact, happiness greatly affects your health, your finances and every other area of your life.

Today, however, we are going to focus on an even more pressing reason to be happy – time. We really never know how much of it we have left. If 2020 taught us anything it is that life is uncertain and can often be shorter than we think. If today were your last day, how would you feel if you sacrificed your happiness for some political argument? Would you really let the boss upset your whole day if you knew you might only have a few left?

It is my sincere hope that all of you reading this have plenty of time with those you love. Sad part is, we have over 68,000 in over 150 countries who follow this site. The odds that one of us could be facing some serious crisis in the near future is pretty good. Don’t waste a second of your precious time my friends! If you find yourself getting upset by something that probably doesn’t matter a great deal, just say to yourself “not today my friend!” May you have a day filled with joy!

BE AWARE OF THIS

As our Monday begins, let us keep this thought above in mind. It often seems to many, myself included, that as soon as we start getting somewhere in life – BAM!!! Something crazy happens to bring us back to earth. Maybe you finally saved up enough for that vacation and something goes wrong with the car? Often, when we seem to be getting a handle on living a more positive and rewarding life, that is when some unforeseen challenge pops up. Does that sound familiar to you? It can be viewed as life testing us. “Are you sure you want to be positive?”

It is easy to be happy when the sun is shining, the dog and the kids are fed and everything is going your way. It would also be logical to think that your friends would be the happiest for you at this point in time, would it not? Yet, it seems that when you start to excel in life strangers, and even some friends, seem to go out of their way to sabotage you. Why are earth does this happen? There are many theories as to why it does, but we are going to look at two that when understood, will help you make it through this tough period.

The first is a societal reason. When your friends, family and coworkers to some extent, see you succeed a certain amount of fear strikes them. Why fear you might ask. People can worry, sometimes even subconsciously, that once someone attains a certain level of success they will leave them behind. This fear can come from past experience, they own lack of desire to improve themselves or a million other reasons. Funny thing is, this can apply not only to financial and career success, but to things such as peace of mind, spiritual awakening and any other area of accomplishment you have. They believe that if you achieve a certain level of success that you may leave them behind for “Better” results. This could be your boss believing you would leave for a better position, better job or better department. It could be your family believing you could forget about them if you fall in love with the person of your dreams. It could be your friends worrying that if you achieve a level of financial success you may not want to hang out with them anymore.

The first step is to make sure that this isn’t true. If you are moving on to a better job, or you do foresee less time to be available for your family or friends, be honest with them. You can encourage them to join you on the journey as well. Reassurance here is key. While you might be dedicating some time building your relationship with the person you love, and you should, that doesn’t mean you care less for your family. In fact, when you are around them, chances are you will be in a happy place. If you are achieving and dedicating a percentage of time to bettering yourself financially, spiritually, or any other area, you will find yourself needing to spend a good deal of time on it. You may even meet a new group of people and want to spend some time with them. This should not cause you to leave your friends behind.

Another, perhaps more metaphysical reason, is the power struggle between light and darkness. This can be viewed in a spiritual context, but I think it can be best explained by an outward example. Let us say there is a group of people you used to gossip with at work. Now you want to focus on what is good about everyone and the world in general. How do you think these folks will react? Maybe a few of them will be encouraged to do the same, but I guess you may soon find yourself the subject of the gossip when you are not around. It can make people feel less about themselves, and maybe it should. Rather than ponder if they could stand to raise their own standards, they would rather make you look bad. Ever try to leave a group of people who are filled with drama? Same thing will happen here. Just like our picture of the crabs above, they will try to pull you back in. Don’t fall for it.

When you improve yourself, you leave others two options. First, they can improve themselves. This works great if those around you are self-motivated. The other option is they can bring you down to their level. These are the people you do not want to surround yourself with. Remember, it is important to reassure those around you that they will not be left behind, but it is even more important to NOT leave yourself behind for their comfort. As you ascend, forces will rise against you. They are not there to stop you, but to make you stronger. The choice is yours.

WHAT HELPS ME WHEN I LOSE SOMEONE

My secret for grief

I want to start this post off with a disclaimer. In no way am I telling you how to grieve. That is a personal decision and you should always do what is right for you. What I am offering is what helps me get through those moments of loss in hopes it may be of some service to you as well.

As you can see in the picture above, I do my best to be the things I loved about the person I lost. This is not always easy, as I have lost some pretty amazing people. An example would be my grandfather. He was always a fair and honest man. When he spoke, you could tell it was something he thought through. He treated people kindly. Kind of the John Wayne type. (Bonus that his name was also John) I don’t always succeed at this because I am human, but I do my best to honor his memory but being as much of a gentleman as I can be.

We all miss someone

Even when there is someone we miss that has qualities that we simply don’t, we can still honor them. We can support others who are like them. We can do things in their memory. We can share stories about all the wonderful things they did or said. I just told Margie about how my aunt used to bake bread for everyone for the holidays. Not only was that a great memory, but it showed how she used her skills to make everyone happy. She also sewed me some Native American themed pillows. She never had much money, but that never stopped her from being generous. Read that last line again. It is a great lesson she taught me and reminds me of even though she is no longer here physically. Every time I use what gifts I have to bring joy to someone else, I can’t help but think of her. When I am feeling like I need more resources to make a difference, I am reminded how great of a difference she made with what little she had.

I even find that this method helps me appreciate people who are still with me. Knowing one day we will all be gone is one of the best motivators to live fully. Knowing that I will need to be what I love about people when they are gone also has me focused and appreciating them when they are alive. It prompts me to notice how they do what they do. If I don’t understand, I can ask them. Take my other aunt for an example. She is…how can one say…filterless. This can be a social liability, but it can also do some wonderful things. It breaks the ice when you meet new people. (I recall her recently telling a complete stranger that she took a cowboy bath) She also has the ability to get you to laugh or smile when it seems to be impossible. These are things I am going to miss about her when she is gone and so I do my best to enjoy them while she is here. It is also something I am going to do my best to carry on. Not sure about telling people I took a cowboy bath, but we will see.

However you grieve, make sure you allow yourself to do so. If you can, find a way that may add to your life and help you ease the sense of loss you feel. You don’t have to do the method that works for me, but I hope by sharing it with you I have provided you another healthy option. In order to help each other, I would love it if you would share the method that you find most helpful for dealing with the loss of someone you love. Remember, there is no wrong way to grieve, but your method might be just what someone is looking for to help them move forward after a terrible loss. Here at Secret2anamazinglife.com we share with each other in an effort to help us all live a more amazing life.

A THOUGHT TO CARRY WITH YOU

Another reason to subscribe to positive pages on your social media. I saw this quote and couldn’t help but share it with all of you. Stop and think about this for a moment. A stranger somewhere is remembering your kindness. How does that make you feel? For me, it makes my heart feel warm and happy knowing that I positively affected someone. Not to turn this into an altruistic post, but one of the benefits of helping others with no expectation in return is the fact that it does help us…feel better.

As a matter of practice, I do my best to be as nice as I can to everyone I meet. There are people who are fighting silent battles that we are often unaware of. It is important to help these wonderful folks especially. How, you might ask, are we to help people who are fighting battles we are unaware of if we are, well…unaware of them? The simple answer? Be kind to everyone. This is easy when it comes to those who serve us. This can be the person who takes our order at the coffee shop (this is where this piece is currently being written) to the person helping us find something we are looking for at the store. There are also jobs that we should be thankful for that either get overlooked or looked down on. Have you ever had to pass through security at the airport or going into a sporting event or concert? Is it a pain in the butt? Sure. Are they doing their job and also keeping us safe? The answer is also yes. These folks often get told less than pleasant things. Imagine how much it would mean if someone showed them an act of kindness? What jobs do you think fit this category?

What about those people who seemingly do not deserve our kindness? The people who are quick to anger or just sunshine-challenged to begin with? Should we be nice to them? Absolutely! This can be one of the hardest things to do, but I am going to share two things to keep in mind that might make that easier. The first may sound cliché, but I am going to share a story that really drove the point home for me. Let us do our best to remember that we never know what someone is going through. They could be in the midst of a break up or divorce. Maybe they just lost their job? In the case of Stephen Covey, the author and educator, maybe it would be best to keep this in mind before we open our mouths. There is a story where Stephen was on the subway and there was a father who was letting his kids run around, yell and just cause trouble. At first, Mr. Covey did his best to ignore the children, but as time went on the father seemed to be doing a better job of being oblivious to the children’s actions than he was, Stephen found himself becoming more and more annoyed. Not wanting to spend his entire subway journey this way, he finally spoke up. “Do you think maybe you should do something about those kids?” he asked the father. He did not get the reply he expected. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Truth is they just lost their mother and I am not sure they know how to deal with it. As a matter of fact, neither do I.” Can you imagine how terrible Stephen felt? He learned a valuable lesson that day. We never completely know why people act the way that they do.

What about those folks who act that way because they are unpleasant human beings? Those people who act miserably for the simple fact that they like others to be miserable? We really shouldn’t be nice to those people should we? Yep! It is my belief that nobody is mean or unkind to others without some story behind it. For the sake of argument, let us just pretend we couldn’t know or find it. This is often the case when the person who is being unkind is a total stranger.

There are a few reasons I keep in mind when I am doing my best impersonation of a sorcerer and trying to conjure up a spell of kindness. It is fun to imagine what happens hours later when these folks are not in our presence. Often, they can end up feeling guilty they were so unpleasant to someone who was still kind to them. Kind of hard to justify being a jerk to someone who is nice. I imagine that their guilt may help them change their behavior in the future. It may also destroy one of the main reasons people try to excuse themselves for treating people unkindly. They believe, or at least say it to justify their actions, that the world is mean, out to get them or self-serving. How can they say that when someone they were cruel to was nice to them? Sometimes they will just be mad that they could not accomplish their goal of making someone upset. I am not going to lie, that does make me smile. Knowing I ruined someone’s plans of trying to make the world a little more miserable makes me a little more happy. Here is a bonus thought. The abuse you took at the hands of this person could have been bestowed on someone who would have been less able to handle. it. Like the father in the story above. Can you imagine being screamed at after you have just lost someone you love? So, if we can absorb that so someone else doesn’t have to, we are doing a most unique public service.

Do what the Dalai Lama advises is to do – always be kind. I think we have outlined several reasons to do so above. If you have other reasons you can think of to be kind, or a story of when you were kind to a stranger, or even when a stranger was kind to you, please share them in the comments below.

MID-WEEK CONTEMPLATING

Just a quick question that we should pause mid-week to ask ourselves. What answer did you get?

ENJOY THE PROCESS

I am going to open this post with a bold assumption. Your definition of success is entirely incorrect. If we were to look up the definition of success online, or even in a dictionary for any old-school souls out there, it would, undoubtedly, say something about achieving a goal, reaching a destination or something similar. I say that definition is incomplete at best. If we were to consider ourselves a success only when we accomplish a goal or reach a definition, we would have to consider ourselves failures most of the time.

I am more inclined to agree with the above definition of success coming from Earl Nightingale. The key word in his definition is progressive. We are progressing, or in the process of achieving our goal roughly 90-95% of the time. If we wait to celebrate until we achieve our goal that would mean that we would be unhappy the vast majority of the time. This would not only be unhealthy, it would be rather foolish. One of the ways we could greatly increase the happiness in our lives, is to find ways to enjoy the process. Not only would this increase the joy we experience and the amount of time we spend in joy, but it would greatly increase our chances of succeeding.

At one of my seminars I had someone ask me, “What does happiness have to do with success?” I equate that with asking what granite has to do with the Himalayas – everything! If something is enjoyable, you are more likely to stick with it. That is why I advocate to add something positive rather than worry about getting rid of the negative. At the very least, do both at the same time. Let us take trying to get in shape. Not a lot of people enjoy going to the gym, especially when they are first starting out. Some people enjoy swimming. Some of us like going for hikes in the park. Still other like riding a bicycle or walking with a dog. Maybe playing a game of basketball with friends or joining a group of friends who go for runs. Which one of these would help you get in better shape? The answer is all of them. The best answer is the one you enjoy doing most.

Why? Life will give us every excuse not to stick to our goals. You had a tough day at work are you more likely to do something you don’t enjoy or something you do? I think we all know the answer to that question. Same with changing your diet. Focusing on what you can’t have can make you feel like you are starving yourself. What is the solution? How about finding fun meals to cook with the one you love? Subscribing to a healthy cooking magazine or website? Joining a healthy cooking class? The possibilities are endless. I had to really work on this while finishing my second book, Living the Dream. Creating content is fun for me, but I had to find a way to enjoy the formatting, editing and things of that nature. These lessons will serve me well as I work on my third book.

Finding ways to enjoy the process allows us to enjoy that 95% of the time that we may otherwise overlook. It will fill our lives with a lot more joy and increase our chances of succeeding at whatever goal we may be pursuing. If our goal is to live a more positive life, than enjoying the process will allow us to succeed 100% of the time. Even the “negative” experiences bring us closer to, and often increase the joy we feel when we reach our goal. It makes the successes that much sweeter. The tougher the fight, the more rewarding the victory. Keeping this thought in mind will allow us to enjoy every step of the process. Even when it seems we are taking steps back, or getting further away from our goals, we are still learning valuable lessons. Success is seldom, if ever, a linear journey. Enjoy the process my friends. It will transform your life.