WHEN WE HAVE NO CONTROL..

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves”

-Viktor Frankl

Often I am asked “How can I be expected to live a positive motivated life when I am surrounded by all these negative people at work?” or “How can I remain positive and motivated when my loved one just passed away?”  Again I am here to be the first to tell you this blog is not about being happy 100% of the time.  It is about being happier and being so more often.  There will be times in our lives that situations happen beyond our control.  That is when we are forced to grow.  When our emotional fortitude is strengthened. When we are forced to look for a deeper meaning than what lies on the surface.  You have heard the saying “We can’t control our circumstances we can just control how we react to them”  As the quote above indicates there are times when there will be nothing we can do to change our situations.  Sure you could always quit your job and go looking for another.  You better not be a single parent or like eating very much though.  Once a loved one has passed on there is nothing we can do to bring them back.  That quote actually came from the author of a book entitled “Man’s Search for Meaning”.  Viktor Frankl was a prisoner in a Nazi death camp with his family.  He was spared from the gas chambers, but had the terrible job of removing all of the dead bodies.  Some of which were his friends and relatives.  Now I realize this may not be all that inspiring, but my point is very few of us face a situation that tough.  This man did.  He knew that he could not single-handedly change that situation.  What he could do was change what it meant in his own mind.  He used his goal of being able to survive to be able to tell his story to both prevent something that terrible from happening again as well as to show others they have the power to impart meaning to any situation they face.  So next time life gives us a challenge, remember it is not only our chance to grow, but our chance to look for the beauty, to look for the empowering meaning.

Metal motivation

Yesterday we spoke of exposing ourselves to different sources of motivation and inspiration.  Well I have come across what I feel is an excellent site for people who may find this whole taking control of your mind and using the power of your thoughts a bit too ‘new age’.  It also works great for people like myself who on an occasion or several need a shove to be reminded to do the things we know we should be doing, but for a million different reasons are not.  Now I caution some of the language on this site is a bit strong, but it is a great bold look at how to improve your life and empower yourself. the site is www.metalmotivation.com The esteemed gentleman who you will see and hear from, CJ, has some amazing ideas and serves as another great option to plug into for some great motivation and life changing tools.  He also has some pretty great t-shirts there too. Check it out, if it works for you great! His concepts are some of the best I have heard in a long time. Have a passionate and thrilling day my friends!

 

What language do you speak?

The voice in my head asked me a very interesting question the other day.  Which is amazing because usually it is mentioning something about rum or pizza.  Terrible vices aside, the question was “How many different languages are there in the world?”.  To skip you from having to leave this site and head to Google, the answer, though debated is in the neighborhood of 6500.  Why on earth is this relevant, and what does it have to do with living an amazing life?  That is another great question and one that leads us to my next point.   In the past how many things have we tried learning that just never ‘clicked’?  I know I have quite a few.  English language for one, which is ironic considering my book is almost complete.  Maybe playing a certain musical instrument? Cooking a certain dish? Math? Science? History? Some of us just find a way to get through the subject and hope we never have a call to use it later in life.  Imagine if we had applied this same logic when we were learning to walk, or to talk?  There are some people I may speculate did give up, but that is a topic for another day.  Truth is we just kept at it, often approaching the subject from every different angle.  I began to ponder how this related to learning how to transform your life.  Now before you think I am going to tell you to read a book on motivation written in Zulu when you live in Peru let us slow down for a minute.  Think of how many books you have seen or heard of on how to improve your life?  How many different life coaches are out there? We both know there are a lot in both categories. Why? If there is a magical secret do we need both “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff”  as well as “Think and Grow Rich”?   If one person could teach us how to succeed in life to we need both the late Zig Ziglar as well as Tony Robbins?  The answer in short is ‘yes’.  To explain why, let me ask you another question.  Do they all agree?  To they all have the same plan and state it the same way?  You know the answer is no.  So who is right? They all are.  Then again, they all are wrong too.  Before you think I started listening to the rum voice in my head let me explain.  We all are unique creatures.  We all have had unique experiences.  That is why it is important to expose ourselves to as many different voices as we can.  I can think of no better field where this is so evident than self-improvement.  Haven’t you ever been having a conversation with a group of people and had to ask someone “What are they trying to say?” When your friend explains it, suddenly you discover that person was speaking a language you know and they are not crazy.  Ok, at least it should work that way most of the time.  The difference here is just the words being used. So remember to do yourself the service of exploring as many paths to motivation as you can and go with the one, or ones, that work for you.  I hope I will be one of them, but if not that is ok too. Just search and discover the voice that speaks to you!

THE KILLERS ARE AFTER YOU!

Now before I accidentally hit a nerve with anyone who has an intense case of paranoia, let me explain.  I do not mean actual physical killers…exactly.  No, I am referring to a special group of people we all have in our lives.  Bob Marley referred to them as ’emotional vampires’  Teddy Roosevelt called them ‘spectators’.  They may be vindictive and easy to spot.  They may also be well-meaning and come in the disguise of someone who cares.  I call them ‘dream killers’.  We are exposed to them sometimes right out of the womb.  Sometimes they are our parents.  Now that is not to say you should not listen to your parents, especially when you are young.  Be aware, however, that even they come with prejudices and emotional baggage of their own.  It is easy when we hear some mean-spirited person come to us and tell us how they hope we do not succeed.   In fact, these quite often can be our greatest motivators.  You hear it time and time again with sports heroes.  Everyone told them they were too slow, or too small and they keep that chip on their shoulder to drive them.  Quite often this results in someone accomplishing goals even they never dreamed they could accomplish.

Then there are the others.  Well-meaning friends, family members, co-workers or just people we meet who try to steer us from our dreams.  Let me give you a personal example.  Several customers at the post office I work at are eagerly looking forward to my book being released.  When a certain person was asking me how it was progressing the fellow behind him informed me “You should not quit your day job”.  He informed me about how risky writing a book can be and how much ‘safer’ a job could be.  This man, no doubt trying to be helpful, was transferring his fears to me.  Later that afternoon a customer had heard from someone in the small town I work in about my literary endeavors and asked me “You really don’t expect to make a living at that? Most authors never make it you know”.  All these people were trying to keep me from experiencing failure and heart-break.  If we listen to them and ‘do as we should’ slowly our dreams die.  We follow the safe path all the others do.  Did you know that 95% of Americans over the age of 65 are either dead or dead broke? They are completely reliant on someone else, be it social security or a part-time job or relative just to survive.  Now money is only one measuring stick for one’s success, but the same holds true for people who tell you “those self-improvement books never really work” or “you shouldn’t try anything to risky”  Remember they have their own fears and life lessons.  Take what they say with a grain of salt.  They do not know what you are made of, or what faith lies inside of you.  Be aware of those who kill your dreams and your spirit.  Believe in yourself!

FREEDOM

Today is July 4th.  If you live here in the United States it is a day we celebrate our freedom as a country.  That is not what this post is about though.  No I am talking about a universal freedom.  A freedom that we all have.  One that is in the possession of everyone whether you live in Brazil, Greenland, Egypt or California.  This freedom, however, is seldom pursued or even used by most of us.  What is this freedom I speak of?  It is our freedom of mind, freedom of thought and freedom of feeling.  There are many people who let circumstances control their minds.  “Well I would be happy if only this political party wasn’t in”.  They let things they read, words other people say, political ideology, beliefs of the masses dictate what happens inside their own heads.  Sure it stings when someone says or does something mean or vindictive to us.  Remember, we cannot control circumstances.  As the saying goes “What people say and do to us is their business.  How we react to it is ours”  Like liberty and freedoms on a national level, personal liberty is an aspiration to be fought for at all costs.  We have been told how to think, how and what to feel since we were young.  It is our duty to decide what we believe and what thoughts we will allow to rule our daily thinking.  It is time to begin the struggle for mental and spiritual independence from negative and limiting thoughts and beliefs.  For no country can be free, no people can be free if first their minds are not free.

THEY JUST DO NOT UNDERSTAND

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life.  When I went to school they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I wrote down ‘happy’.  They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life” – John Lennon

This quote is a perfect example of how we can lose focus on what is truly important as we grow older.  First we want independence, then we want a job, perhaps then a better job.  We want a smart good-looking spouse, a nice car, a great house in a wonderful neighborhood.  Even those who have more altruistic goals.  They want to save the whales, save the planet, save souls, save money by using coupons and shopping wisely.  All of these ‘goals’ have the same end to them.  Why would you want the house, the beautiful spouse, and the fancy car?  Why would you want to help starving people a million miles away that you may never meet?  While all of these goals are worthwhile, some more than others, we do them all for one real reason.  It goes by many disguises, security, pride, contentment.  What all those feelings amount to, they make us happy.  The famous Beatles singer had it right.  Those of us who are more worried about the current ‘assignment’ don’t really understand life.  Learn to be happy while going after that beautiful spouse.  Feel joy in the process of helping endangered species.  If we can master the feelings without the material support than we shall truly lead a life of joy.  So learn to find the happiness in the journey my friends and you will have more to celebrate when you reach the destination.

LET’S START COOKING!!

Here is a fun and creative idea I just came up with.  Sometimes it works that way.  For those of you who don’t know, I love to cook I find it to be very cleansing for the soul and being able to see and taste something you create always fills me with a sense of accomplishment.  Except for the one late December evening when half asleep I tried to bake cookies and mixed up the salt and the sugar.  Even then they still looked nice.  Back to my brilliant idea.  Ok, in my mind it is brilliant, but trust me my mind is one place we need not go.  I was creating a casserole tonight from a cookbook my grandmother left me when she passed away.  Perhaps it was her inspiration that put this idea in my head, but either way I encourage all of you to try it.  If you do and it works out remember my birthday is July 29th and feel free to send me a copy of your creation.  If it doesn’t work out, feel free to just send cookies.

Back to being serious, which is rare for me.  The cookbook I was using was one of those with the spiral binding.  As I flipped through the pages an idea came to me.  What if I could create a ‘motivational/inspirational cookbook’!  On each page could be a different idea for staying motivated and creating the amazing life we all deserve!  It gets better.  I know all of my ideas, you know all of your ideas, but we do not know each other’s ideas.  So get your self a blank set of recipe cards and hand them out to your friends, neighbors, family, co-workers or anyone else you can think of.  Explain you are making a special cookbook and could they give you their secret recipe for staying happy/motivated/inspired whatever word you wish to use.  You may even give them a self-addressed stamped envelope so they can take their time and mail it back to you when they are done.  You might want to skip that kind of odd crazy friend you have though.  Ok, you can include him, but just put that recipe on the back page. When you are done you will not only have created an amazing list of new ways to improve the quality of you life, but you will also have gained an insight into what makes your friends happy.  That can come in handy on special holidays like…I don’t know birthdays that fall on July 29th.  Ok, my friends, let’s get cooking!

QUALITY AND QUANTITY

There seems to be a statement that is brought to my attention frequently and it may be in the back of your mind as well.  So today we are going to bring it up front and address it.  Honestly before embarking on a life-long journey to live a life as full of passion and meaning as possible this very question plagued me as well.  Ok, I know stop stalling and let us get to the question.  The question I get is this.  “Motivational and inspirational things are great, but they never last and they are never there when I need them most” Although I often feel the same about rum it had me thinking.   Well to answer this I am going to quote the famous motivational speaker and author the late Zig Ziglar who said,

Motivation doesn’t last.  Neither does bathing.  That is why we need to do it every day”

Following this blog is a great first step into having a motivational pick me up delivered right to your inbox, so be sure to click the link on how to follow this page to make it as easy for you as possible.  I also suggest picking up some Motivational cds to listen to when in the car or if you have a free moment at home.  A book or two would be great as well.  Motivational movies like “The Secret” are good to have around when you just feel like you lose your direction or are just having a bad day.  Feel free to print out your favorite posts from this blog to review when you need.  Remember you are never going to agree with 100% of what anyone says, nor should you.  Each of us has our own unique life and circumstances.  Which is why it is so important to gather as many positive points of view as you can.  Surround yourself with people who are positive motivated people who just might have slightly different way of going about the world.  Keep your mind open to what everyone has to offer.

If we drink a cup of coffee a day (or diet coke or whatever works for you) to keep our bodies going.  We should at the very least expose ourselves to something motivational or inspirational to keep our souls and spirits going.

ADD MORE PAIN…

Ok, I know what must be going through your head. “Isn’t the point of an amazing life to reduce the pain and increase the pleasure?” Normally I would agree, however we are talking about using pain to your advantage.  That is one of the tricks of living a more productive and positive life.  We can’t always control every situation in our life, but we can use it to our advantage.  Let me give you an example.  Just a few days ago I learned my current position at the post office will end in the first week of September.  Now in the past my reaction would have ranged from anger to frustration and even a little worry and sadness.  Well my reaction this time surprised even me.  When the lady informed me of this situation I greeted it at first with a sense of indifference.  I was just collecting information and not taking it personally. Then I thought to myself “ok, I have no control over this situation so what can I find that is good in it?”  All this happened in my head without any conscious effort on my part.  Ok, so I must confess the next thought was “Holy s#$t this stuff I am preaching works!”  Which gave me one good point there.  It provided me with proof in my own beliefs.

What about the pain?  Great question.  Obviously no body likes to feel bad, be it anger, sadness, fear or any negative emotion.  In this case I looked at the situation and had to realize in the next two and a half months my future is very uncertain.  So what to do with those feelings of uncertainty.  Surely that is not something you would want to feel in an amazing life.  Hold on, not so fast.  In this case I realized perhaps this uncertainty was just a reminder to finish my book I have been falling behind on.  Perhaps there is someone out there who could really use it and without the motivation of losing my position I would have not completed it on time?  Pain of any nature is a warning symbol.  When we touch something hot the pain tells us to move away so we don’t become further injured.  The point here is to ask yourself “what is this painful experience trying to tell me and how can I use that to my advantage” This may sound a bit far-fetched for some of you, but trust me it works.  What does the anger and hurt you feel after arguing with someone you care about tell you? First it tells you that you do care or it wouldn’t hurt so bad.  Also there was some hurt that developed between you two and you have to learn what it is and how to prevent it in the future. It also presents you with a chance to increase your connection with this person by how you address and solve this problem. How about the sadness of the loss of a loved one?  In 2010 I had unfortunately had to attend 5 funerals. Four of which were for people under the age of 40.  What good can you possibly take away from situations like that?  How about the fact that you should let people know you love them while they are here.  That you really can question yourself on what is worth being upset about and what legacy you want to leave behind before it is too late.  It has been said that in the pain of every failure lies the seed to our greatest opportunity.  So next time a painful situation arises in your life, or if you are in the middle of one right now.  Ask yourself these two important questions. What is this pain trying to tell me and how can I make it work for me?  Have an amazing day filled with passion my friends!!!

WORRY..PART TWO

A while back I write a post about worry and how out tires you out, but you don’t get anywhere. It its kind of like a rocking chair.
I always thought that was one of the best ways to describe worry until recently I read something a friend posted that said “worry OS like praying for what you don’t want to happen”. Either way the point here is that worry serves no real propose and can cause physical and emotional harm. If you have an issue that concerns you, by all means take note and prepare as much as you can. The important post is to let out go after that. Use your energy to focus on what you want to happen.