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ARE YOU IN CONTROL, OR BEING CONTROLLED?

Another picture I saw, read and had to take a deep breath and appreciate. This man has mastered what Earl Nightingale referred to as the magic word. This word, more than any other thing will control not only how successful we are in life, but how much we enjoy life as well. It will determine how well people and the world treat us. It has the greatest bearing on our physical and mental health as well.

What is this magic word? The word is attitude. A positive attitude will yield a positive life. As you can see in the picture above attitude has less to do with outside circumstances and far more to do with inside circumstances. We all know people who seem to have nothing, but remain positive and upbeat. We know people facing every sort of challenge you can imagine but seem to overcome them not only with ease, but we joy in their hearts and on their faces. How on earth are they able to do this? That was the question I kept asking myself when I began to get involved in the field of self-improvement.

These people have a good attitude not always because of their situation, but quite often in spite of their situation. That’s all great, and maybe your situation sucks too, but how the heck can you still manage to be happy? First of all, I am not discounting whatever you are going through. We all have struggles that others can’t begin to comprehend. That is one of the keys, remembering we all have struggles. How can we go from feeling defeated, sad and depressed by our challenges to empowered, motivated and positive? Asking that question is the first great step. I am going to give you one very important thing to remember – Life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% what we do with it.

Sounds all warm and fuzzy right? You want to know how we turn the crap life gives us into something good? What if I told you that we have the ability to have complete control over our lives? Sounds a little too good to be true? What if I also told you that you routinely give that control away to others, your emotions or just choose not to use it at all? Don’t get upset, I still do this sometimes too. How do we take complete control over our life? By using two very important super powers you have. Yes, I said super powers. Don’t worry, you don’t need to wear a cape and you can keep the underwear on the inside of your pants. Why are they super? They are super powers because these two items control both the direction and feeling of our life and we have complete control over them.

The two super powers are focus and meaning. In any situation we choose both of these. Sure it may be hard to focus on anything other than the fact the person who cut you off in traffic is a rude jerk, but that is only because instead of choosing how to act, we are used to reacting to life. Which means in short that person is going to leave us angry, frustrated, frazzled or just plain pissed off, depending on how you want to score that.

Another world for focus can be perception. Is what really happened to us that bad? It can seem so in the moment for sure. Again, not to discount anything you may be going through, but changing our focus onto what we may be grateful for in the situation can do wonders and we can choose to do that. It is here I would like to insert a quote here for you to ponder.

“I cried because I had no shoes, then I met a man who had no feet.” – Mahatma Gandhi

What if we chose to decide the reason that man cut us off was to refocus our energy on our safe driving practices? Maybe it means he was rushing to a family emergency we should be grateful we don’t have? Maybe he just received some terrible news and is so upset he is having a hard time focusing on driving? Maybe the meaning of it is he really is a jerk, but if we run into someone else who is in an upset mood maybe they had the displeasure of sharing the road with him earlier? Does this sound like some pie-in-the-sky or Pollyanna? Look at the other option. We could decide this man was a jerk, be super upset and let it ruin our whole day. In other words, react to him and give him complete control over our emotions.

Is this limited to a stranger on the road? Not at all. It can happen with a boss who is in a bad mood. It can happen by watching the evening news, reading the paper or some other not so inspiring action. Those of you who work with the public have a chance to practice taking control of your emotions and not reacting to the influence of others far more than you probably would like. Just the same, if a customer treats you rudely and you let it ruin your mood, in effect this is what you are saying, “You, my totally rude and disrespectful friend, your opinion means so much to me that the fact you have treated me poorly will affect my emotional state for the rest of the afternoon, day, week…etc.”

Why give anyone else control over how you feel? It is time to stop reacting, and time to start choosing how you want to act! Will it be easy? Not at all. New habits and wrestling control of your mind after you have let it run its own course for years can be compared to beginning dog training when the dog is two years old. It will take some patience and perseverance on your part. Will it be worth it? To never let your emotions, and thus your life be controlled by anyone other than you? I can’t think of anything more deserving of your efforts.

So next time life gives you a big pile of crap to deal with, remember you have a choice. You can let it sit around and stink up the place, or you can use all of those lessons and so called failures as you can manure, as fertilizer to help grow something bigger, better and more beautiful!

THIS IS SCARY!!

Today is Halloween. I wish to discuss with you something I find to be one of the scariest situations that occurs all year long. People allowing others to control their minds. This may sound like a scary Halloween mind control experiment, but sadly it is a reality. Daily we hear “He made me so mad!” or “I can’t believe she gets me so frustrated.” I must confess to falling into this group myself more often than I care to admit. Does it mean you should change the people around you? Maybe. What it really means is you should take control of your mind. If you do not brainwash yourself, you will be brainwashed by others.

Before you think I am taking this a bit far, according to a report by MAGNA, IPG global advertising resulted in an expenditure of $493 billion! That is more than the income of some countries. The reason they spend so much money is to convince you to feel a certain way about their products. When you think of the best dish detergent for removing grease you might think of Dawn. The best bleach? Maybe Clorox. These companies simply don’t tell you “Buy our product, it is the best.” No, they should show someone holding up a white shirt and smiling using their product, while on a split screen they have someone using ‘the leading brand’ who is holding up a shirt with a stain that just won’t come out and they are frowning. You subconsciously begin to associate clean cloths and a happy feeling with their brand.

This works with products, but does it work this way with people? You bet. Most of them are keenly unaware that they are even doing it. Growing up have you heard any sayings like these? “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” “Life is tough and then you die.” “The rich just get richer and the poor get poorer.” You may have heard these and several others from well meaning adults who were trying to offer you loving guidance. As a young impressionable person hearing these words from people you love and respect can go a long way to ingraining these beliefs in your own mind. I encourage you to take a moment and explore some of your long held beliefs and see if after everything you have experienced, they still hold true.

Next post we will look at one way in which our mind is either controlled by us, or we are controlled by it. I promise you that you do not want to miss that.

LET’S START TODAY!

Here is another great secret of success that is simple, and easy to apply. Start now. Quite often we hear friends say, or even say ourselves, “Starting ____ I will ____.” Fill in the blanks with words of your choice. Starting Monday, perhaps on your next birthday, in the new year, or the worst day, ‘tomorrow’, which never quite seems to get here. Whether your goal is to get in shape, start your own business, improve your attitude or any other worthwhile ideal, the best place to start is right where you are, the best time to start is now.

When someone is able to put off beginning to work on their goal it is a sign they very well might have a weak ‘why’. Those with a burning desire to start something new often cannot wait to get started. This could possibly be your first step, increase your desire, or strengthen your why. I have written several posts on how to do this, but to recap in brief, you can look up information such as how quickly you will notice results if you take back control of your life from cigarettes, or what everyday out of shape is costing you. Recently, a few of my friends have begun lives of sobriety. Everyday is a challenge for them, but getting to a point of enough is enough have propelled them to get on track so that they are determined to succeed. Even if they slip, they have such strong whys that they will not be stopped.

How about you? What goal have you been putting off? Perhaps you believe you do not have the necessary resources to begin? I heard Tony Robbins say once, “It is not a lack of resources that is the problem, but a lack of resourcefulness.” If you are passionate enough about your goal you can find a way to get the money, people or whatever resource you need. Just watch a young child who is saving up for a trip to the toy store. They will do extra chores, start a lemonade stand and whatever else they need to do. With the internet, we can connect with people and resources around the world. With public libraries we all can have free access to the internet.

What can you begin to do? Work on coming up with a name for your new business. Start to create the perfect logo. Watch YouTube videos on healthy eating. Taking action is one of the most powerful things you can do to improve your life. By doing so, you begin to recruit and harness another power available to you – momentum. If you begin by incorporating one healthy snack into your day, or going to the gym once a week you can build on that. Once you start on the path to your goal you build excitement as well. You can begin to see it start to take shape.

What if you take an action and fail? People put way to much importance on failure. Failure itself is nothing but a learning experience. The sooner you fail, the sooner you can learn. The only way to never fail, is to never try. In which case your life will be a failure. The only way to make sure your life is not a failure is to never give up. So start today. Do what you can with what you got and soon you will find your life is so far beyond what you expected. It will never get there if you don’t begin.

HOW FULL IS YOUR GLASS?

I’m going to put forth to you, good reader, the age old question – is the glass half full or half empty? As I’m sure most of you can guess my answer is closer to the full side. Your answer to this question is supposed to reflect your overall outlook on life.

Did you ever wonder why they never follow this up with three quarters full or a quarter empty? How about three-eighths verses five-eighths? Would that make you slightly less negative or more positive? I don’t suppose it really matters.

This question is a matter of perspective. It is a reflection of whether you are grateful for what you have or upset about what you don’t have.

My pessimistic friends, or the glass half empty folks, as well as some of my friends that call themselves “realists” will make sure to point out either opinion does not change the reality of the situation. Whether you are happy or sad, the glass still contains half the liquid it could.

If you stop and think of it, that is the beauty of the truth. All of our lives are like that glass, they are not as full as they could be. We have lots to be grateful for, as well as lots to be upset about. There are challenges we get that are just unfair, but if we are perfectly honestly with ourselves, we all have breaks of good fortune that are more than we deserve.

What is the point here? Who is right? The point is this, our lives, much like the glass are both half full and half empty. By virtue of that assessment, both the optimists and the pessimists are right.

Before you think you have just read all of this for nothing let us look at the major difference, one feels good most of the time and one feels bad. Stop and read that again. If both having a cheerful and expectant attitude will mean your life will have its ups and downs, and have a bitter and sour disposition will mean your life will have its ups and downs the only difference is how you feel when you are here.

The only sure thing I know about life, is that you don’t get out alive, so why not enjoy it as much as we can while we are here? One more glaring reason to see the glass half full will be offered next post. Now while I was busy pondering whether the glass was half-full or half -empty, I believe Margie drank my rum.

MY RETURN

A week ago I had posted on my personal Facebook page that I had planned to quit writing. Also my Secret2anamazinglife Facebook page was removed as was Neil Panosian author. (They have since returned and if you would like to remain fully informed about all the latest tools to change your life, I highly recommend you like them) The reason I did this was because it appeared to me there was a lack of interest in these posts that I put out. The purpose I have chosen for my life is to leave a legacy of changing the world for the better, helping people see the beauty in themselves, others and the world around them. I also enjoy showing people how to reduce their stress, increase their joy and become the best versions of themselves.

It was with this intent I began my blog, YouTube channel (Neil Panosian) and Facebook pages. When I was not seeing any interaction it felt as though nobody was reading them. Far from being a “Whoa is me, nobody is reading my stuff” decision, it was more “If nobody is reading my writing, then I am not reaching anyone and certainly not helping anyone” If the energy I spend creating and marketing these posts, which is more than you can imagine, was not helping bring light and love to my brothers and sisters around the world than perhaps that energy and time would be better spent elsewhere. Perhaps although writing is my passion, my way of serving humanity could be found elsewhere.

Allow me to fill you in with a timeline of sorts that followed. First there was the blank stare I received from Margie. When I informed her of my actions and my decision she reacted with what can only describe as stoic and dismissive demeanor. Not sure that she had grasped the gravity of the fact I had just changed my life purpose I repeated the list of actions I had just taken. With a look of a parent who knows there child just did something really stupid, but is far to sweet to say so, she wrapped her arms around me, pulled me close and said in a way only Margie can, “I heard you baby, but I know you will be back and people won’t let you stop. You reach far more people than you know.” The rest of the night we talked. Ok, I talked and she fought to stay awake as it was about 4 o’clock in the morning. (still think being in a relationship with a driven creative person sounds fun?)

The following morning Margie woke me up with a shower of kisses and shouted with glee, “Get up baby it’s like Christmas with all of the comments!” Still feeling the sort of ambivalence of one who has just decided to change their life’s purpose, but not wanting to disappoint the woman who had been so loving and patient only a few hours before, I decided to pull myself into a vertical position. That is really all I did. My expression was blank, my mind the same. Let me pause here and set the scene a little for you. Margie is one of those rare women who can simply rise about of bed, smile and just capture you heart with her amazing beauty. Add the fact she is excited about something and she can be impossible to resist. Even the days I build the tallest walls around my heart she can melt them with a smile and her love. As I was running late for my day job at the Post Office I promised her to look at the comments as soon as I was able.

Lucky for me I chose a time when I was alone in my car to look at those very comments. Lucky for me as well I chose to do so while parked. They brought tears to my eyes. Not only was every single one encouraging, but to know that I was indeed touching people’s lives and making a positive impact was nothing short of overwhelming. It took far longer to compose myself and begin to regain rational thought, or at least as close as I ever get to that. I cannot express enough Gratitude to those who took time to express their views and to let me know they did appreciate what I did and that it did make a difference. The messages I also received were so touching and personal it began to open up the possibility of picking up the pen again.

A few other things have happened since then as well. At my day job people got wind I had changed my mind about writing and greeted me with such responses as “No you haven’t. I refuse to believe it.” to the more friendly “I’m sorry boss I just can’t let you do that.” If you know how rare anything encouraging is said out loud between workers at a Postal Facility this would be even more impressive. Then as I was on my way home an amazing young lady at a red light rolled down her window and uttered the encouraging phrase “you better put your s$%t back on Facebook.” The decision had been made – I would return to writing. Some authors dream of being recognized on every corner due to the fact there book is on the best seller list. Personally I would not mind being in that position. More importantly to me would be to be recognized on every corner because I had made a difference in so many lives.

Knowing that I make a difference and do reach and touch people’s lives has made me more excited to write than I have been in the last 5 years. There will be some changes going forward including tagging different people in posts (If you would like to be feel free to let me know) as well as doing more video blogs and more work on the second book.

In closing, once again I cannot express my gratitude to everyone who encouraged me to keep writing. My beautiful Margie for disagreeing with my decision because she believed in me and my mission more than I did. Not to mention for looking so beautiful from the time she wakes up until the time she closes her eyes to sleep. You are my muse and the love of my life.

 

KEEP THEM WITH YOU

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Here is a fun secret to happiness I enjoy and you might too. In this age of cell phones and digital pictures the photograph may be a long lost treasure. Why carry around a 50 picture photo album that weighs 5 pounds, when your cell phone that weighs only a few ounces can hold several thousand pictures? Here is why – joy. One great thing about the digital age is that you can take a picture with your cell phone, send it to your favorite store and pick up a hard copy in mere minutes. Why would we want to do this? Let us take a look.

A cell phone may be a good place to have lots of pictures ready to show someone on a glamorous 4 inch screen, but other than that not much can be done with those pictures. They say a picture can be worth a thousand words, and as an author I can tell you that is a conservative estimate. Can you look at a single vacation picture and recall all the great memories you had on that trip? When someone asks you about that vacation you could probable talk for hours about it. Is there someone you miss in life? Maybe they have moved away or even passed on? Looking at a picture of them may give you many fond things to reflect upon. Maybe, as in the case above, it is just someone you love and who brings you joy. I use this, one of my favorite pictures of my beautiful Margie, as a bookmark. When I open the book to read, she is either otherwise occupied or perhaps far from where I am. That way I pause and think of how much I love her and how lucky I am. On a rough day, or even on a good day these little joyful reminders can give us a little boost. This also works great with pictures of goals we may be aspiring to, and reminders of the people we are striving to become. It doesn’t only have to be photographs, they also put pictures on mouse pads, coffee mugs and a million different things.

Pick your favorite pictures today and find creative ways you can use them to give yourself a boost. Feel free to share what pictures you use and how you use them in the comments below. I can’t wait to read them!

BEAUTY SECRET

Here is a beauty secret you may not learn on many beauty sites. Love yourself. That might sound cliché or corny, but it is 100% true. Having a life you love begins with loving yourself. When you come to understand what an amazing person you are, life takes on a whole new glow. What if you find yourself not to be someone too amazing? Let me begin by informing you from the very start you are a winner. There were like 500 million sperm, and you reached the egg first. You defied better odds than the lottery! Here is another fact for you to consider – there never has been, nor will there ever be another you. Even if the genetic material could be cloned, they would end up having different experiences and different life lessons than you had. All of which served to make you who you are.

Ok, so you are unique does that make you special? Yes. Out there is someone who could benefit from hearing the story of your life. There is someone whose very life could depend on meeting someone just like you. Your knowledge of dog day care, how to find the perfect online deal, or maybe how to make obscene noises with your mouth is just what someone else is looking for. The mistakes you made? They have also made you who you are. The mistakes you are going to make? They will be fertilizer for your future success.

Be who yo

LISTEN FOR THE STORIES

Here is a picture of me at a local author event hosted at Barnes and Noble. I am sitting next to a gentleman who was a World War Two veteran. I am a history buff of sorts and found his story to be very captivating. It was not only because I am interested in that period of history and that specific event. Although that is what his book is about. There were also a collection of books on the same subject in the entrance of the store. What made this gentleman’s book so interesting to me?

This is what made this moment so special, while the other books in the store can reference great sources and have archive photos, this man was relaying his personal story that he experienced. The photos in his book are his personal photos taken during that time period. You not only hear facts, you hear stories and even more important, you get the feeling of what that time was like. Those do not come from a long lost soldier’s diary, but from the mind and mouth of someone who lived it. That is history you cannot buy.

The lesson here is one that I think too often gets lost. Value your elders. Sure you may have heard the story your uncle is telling you a thousand times before, and maybe the story grandpa relates is more embellished each and every time, but they are living history. When I think of how many stories I only half remember that my grandfather told me before he passed away, I almost feel ashamed of myself. My uncle who was a library of good jokes and stories yet to be told recently passed away as well. There were so many questions I would love to ask them both. So many stories I would like to hear one more time.

The lesson here is to value your elders while they are still around. Ask all the questions you can think of. When they tell you that story you may have heard a million times before, really listen. Ask them to tell you more. Sometimes sharing their stories allows them to not only relive some amazing times they had, but to feel important and to pass along lessons. I am still learning from stories I have heard from those who have passed away years ago. The sad part is I could have learned a lot more had I bothered to pay closer attention.

P.S. – this gentleman’s book is titled A Tourist in Uniform  I encourage us all to buy a copy and help support a veteran who is sharing with us his personal stories of war.

1 DAY IN LIFE YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE

We are all guilty of this at one point in time. I call it the someday syndrome You know the one “Someday I will write my next book” “Someday I will get in shape” I don’t think this is as much a product of procrastination as it is language. To me the word someday is like the common cold, something you should take steps to avoid catching. Once someday invades one part of your life it spreads quickly. Once you relegate taking that vacation to someday suddenly getting in shape for that vacations falls in the same category.

Here is part of the problem. By saying that we will do something someday, in our brains it makes us feel as though we have planned and scheduled it. As if we are taking some actions towards its accomplishment. The word someday steals not only some of our dreams, it steals one of our greatest powers we can use to accomplish our goals – momentum. When we experience even little successes we can use them to build upon and keep us pushing forward to the bigger ultimate goal. By using someday syndrome we never even experience the little victories and the joy that comes with them.

The worst part about someday is that it never exists! Even when you realize you are coming to the end of your days you will realize everything you were intending to do someday will never happen. Although we will experience Mondays, Sunday fun days, good days, bad days we will never experience a someday. Imagine laying on your deathbed and realizing all of the potential dreams this one word has stole from you. If you are waiting for the perfect someday you will be waiting forever.

If you have read any of my work or even experienced one of my live seminars, you will know I am not just about identifying what is wrong, but coming up with a solution for how to fix it. How to we fix the someday syndrome? Is there a vaccination we can take not to contract this dream killing disease? Is there a medicine we can take to rid ourselves of its effects? The answer is yes. Every time we catch ourselves saying someday we are going to replace it with today I am going to begin to. Notice the phrase says begin to. This means you do not have to accomplish everything all at once. What it does mean is that we are going to take one step towards getting it done. Do you want to go skydiving someday? Maybe begin to research places around you that do skydiving. Another great option is recruit a friend and begin to make plans. Start saving for your trip by putting your change in a coffee can. Whatever you can do to bring you one step closer to your goal whether that is losing weight, starting your own business or any other worthy ideal.

From now on every time you are tempted to say someday think of an action you can do to begin, or even continue your journey towards that goal. To hear yourself say, “today I am going to start..” or “today I am going to continue..” and following those words up with even the smallest actions that will bring you closer to your goals will have an amazing effect on your life. The added bonus, when the day does come that you will find yourself looking at the end you will feel a lot better you scratched someday off of your calendar.

IF IT ISN’T 1 THING…

Here I sit at Starbucks writing my second book (and presently this blog post). You will notice a copy of my first book on the right, and a double espresso and a green tea on the left. In addition there is a card from my lovely lady that encourages me. I keep in in my keyboard so the first thing that enters my mind as I begin to write is the wonderful lady I have at home. It also helps me stay connected with her as writing, even in a crowded coffee shop, is a fairly solitary endeavor.

This is not a story about coffee, or even the wonderful lady I have in my life…well…kind of. The title of the book I am working on is called Living the Dream. It has been in the works for roughly 3 years. A good portion of it is complete, but there still seems to be some work to do. Allow me to share with you something I have learned in the creation of this book. One of the biggest secrets to living the dream is understanding you already do. What on earth does that mean? Look at my set up, I have a laptop, coffee, tea, a woman who loves me and I am working on my dream of helping to inspire the world. All of this is a dream come true.

Let us spin this a different way. It may also be said after two decades in the self-improvement field which has included writing a book, writing posts on a website five days a week for over 5 years, appearances on several podcasts and radio and television shows, book signings, author festivals and live seminars. After all of this I am still not close to where I want to be. This is all true as well and I must confess is my outlook more often than it should be.

The secret is looking at life the first way. At this point you may very well be thinking “Neil, this sounds like one of those ‘glass half full’ speeches!” In a way you would be right. Both situations are true, but depending on which one we focus on life has an entirely different feeling and flavor. When we focus on what we have we tend to feel more abundant and joyful. When we focus on what we lack we feel depressed and poor. A successful life is about feeling good. If you find yourself thinking it is more about the fancy cars, big house and large bank account you are only partly right. Why do we want those things after all? It is for the feelings they will give us. The fancy cars may make us feel powerful, the big house significant and the large bank account may give us a sense of freedom or at the very least security. There is nothing wrong with the goal of having all of those, but what if you could work on developing the feelings they would give you while you pursue them.

Think of this, if your emotional well-being is tied to material objects or situations than it can disappear as quick as it came. Maybe even quicker. While you are saving up for the fancy car and big house perhaps you can begin to feel significant by creating joy in the lives of others. While looking to better yourself financially, find security in the relationships of your family and friends. What good are all of the ‘things’ in life if by the time you have them you have no peace and joy in your heart to enjoy them?

By all means write down your goals. Get an image of that car or house. Start your vision board to help create that reality. It will keep you moving forward and give purpose to your life. While you are doing that do not forget to find joy in the process and stay grateful for that which you do have. We spend most of our lives in the journey if we can enjoy that it makes the destinations that much more rewarding when we get there.