This will be a rather direct and to the point post. The equation above is one of the secrets to living an amazing life. I have personally used it a lot in the last few years to reduce the amount of stress I have and to help me better focus my energy. The equation is simple. If it doesn’t EVOLVE me, then is doesn’t INVOLVE me. Simply put if something does not help you be a better person by facilitating personal growth, adding joy or providing an opportunity to help others, it is not worth our time and energy.
Those of us striving to live a more enlightened and amazing life realize you can turn almost any situation to our advantage. This can be both a blessing and a curse in this situation. We can justify getting involved in one of those he said/she said conversations as a chance to help others evolve, but if we are honest with ourselves, our energy would be far better served elsewhere. Maybe we think enlightening our boss Rachel on how unappreciated she makes her employees feel would help our work environment, but we really just know it is only helping us vent some frustration…I mean…hypothetically.
Removing ourselves from situations that do not add to our lives or give us an opportunity to grow and evolve is a great way of reducing stress. This allows us to have more energy and more time to pursue our goals, read that helpful book, practice some self-care or a million other positive options. Not to mention we will feel a lot more amazing and our life will become more amazing!
So remember my good friends, If it doesn’t EVOLVE you, then it shouldn’t INVOLVE you.
I am sure some of you think the life of a motivational speaker/author is one of sunshine and rainbows. Although I firmly believe I have found a way to live life with a passion and joy that few are fortunate enough to have, there are still challenges for me. Some happen when major events occur. Some, like we are going to discuss today, happen almost daily.
“Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.” You have heard me use this quote of Earl Nightingale quite often. I do this because I believe it is truly one of the truest things ever spoken. I do not believe success is a point to be reached, so much as a way of traveling. I don’t believe we ever truly defeat our demons, so much as live to fight them another day. Sometimes we win, sometimes they do. To be successful, we must identify them and develop ways to outflank and attack them daily. With practice and persistence we shold begin to prevail more than we fall victim.
Case in point for me – negative self-talk and dwelling on the negative. This may sound shocking as those are two things that I preach everyone should work on. The reason I say that is because I do so daily. Recently, on my day off at my day job someone came and destroyed my work area. It took me a good 20 minutes to clean the area up before I could even begin my work day. Yes, this sucks. No, nobody knew anything about it. As I made my way through the projects I had to attend to that day I found myself thinking about this episode. Not even really consciously. It was almost as if my mind was having a conversation about it. “Who would really do such a thing?” “Why would they leave it that way?” and a million other thoughts raced through my head.
The more this happened, the more the event seemed to bother me. This was foolish as it had already been addressed and corrected. Dwelling on it did one thing and one thing only – lowered my emotional state and mental well-being. Then another thought crept into my mind. “If I spent this amount of time visualizing my goals, I would be a lot further along.” For that moment, my demons won. I did not let it stay that way. “Persistence is another word for faith. If you didn’t have faith, you wouldn’t persist.” Another Earl Nightingale quote I love. At that moment I made up my mind to take control of my thoughts again.
Dwelling on an unpleasant episode can be hard not to do. This was only a mild inconvienence. If you have an emotionally charged episode like a disagreement with your spouse, for example, that can seem insurmountable. It is not. That is not to say it will be easy, but it is possible. We realize focusing on what we have to be grateful for in our partner would serve us far better than dwelling on that thing they said or did that upset us. We also realize that dwelling on that will only increase our anger and make the likelihood of a possible resolution far less…well…likely. We certainly may not be able to shift our thinking away from the upset and towards gratitude, especially in the beginning. As we practice and continue to go to war with ourselves and our demons, we will experience one victory. We can use that and the good feelings it brings to build upon.
If your demons are negative self-talk, dwelling on negative situations, do not give them power. Be persistent and have faith. Even if some days they may get the best of you, wake up to fight another day.
As this week begins, you may find yourself asking, “Where do I begin?” Sometimes we can feel so far down we can’t see a way out. If you haven’t been there yet, consider yourself quite fortunate. Personally, I have found myself there several times.
Whether it is thr loss of a job, loss of a relationship or loss of a loved one, life can throw us under the bus when we least expect it. We can feel like we don’t even want to get out of bed.
Even when things are not quite that bad but we are just frustrated with how our life is at the moment, what to do next can be confusing. What is the first basic step? Is there a universal action that can work for everyone in all situations?
The great news? There is such an action and I can tell you it has worked in my own life. That action is GRATITUDE. Focusing on what you have to be grateful for will change your life quicker than anything else.
There are many great books and ideas to help foster this ‘attitude of gratitude’. In my own book “A Happy Life for Busy People” I lost several fun activities that can help make gratitude a daily part of your life. If you are interested in getting your own copy, there will be a link at the end of this post.
Whether you use my book or any other method, begin to use gratitude today, and watch your life transition immediately!
This month is generally a month of love. It includes the holiday of Valentines Day. You can see hearts almost everywhere you look. I am going to ask we do our best to love all of our fellow human beings. (and dogs, bears, monkeys…etc) Do your best this weekend to be free of judgement.
This may sound easy at first. Two days without judging anyone? It is harder than it may seem. Some of our judgements are so ingrained in us we may be unaware we are even doing them. We see and senior and assume they are frail. We may see a person with blue hair, or a mohawk, and assume they are a rebellious rule breaker.
Some judgements may come from social conditioning. We see a person who is overweight and assume they are lazy or do not have any physical stamina. Maybe we have been taught certain beliefs about those of a certain race or religion? How about those of a certain political affiliation? Those who live in a particular area? All of these beliefs are actually judgements.
Some judgments we may feel we have a right to hold. A fellow driver cuts you off, passes you illegally and speed off into the horizon. This person is a rude, dangerous and unsafe individual right? Maybe they are someone who is rushing to the bedside of someone they love who is passing away? Maybe they just have to poop? Someone snaps at you at the grocery store? They are just rude and impatient? Maybe they just lost their job or had a disagreement with their spouse?
The truth is we really never know what everyone’s story may be. Even the people we know to be mean or insensitive can be so for reasons we may never know. They could have been abused growing up. They could be plagued by feelings of inadequacy and doubt. Most actions we consider mean or rude are veiled cries for help. That certainly does not excuse or justify their behavior, but it may give us pause before we judge.
This weekend, let us do our best to remember everyone has a story including us. Everyone has something they are judged by, including us. Let us do our small part to remove a little bit of judgement from the world starting today.
When I think about the great library at Alexandria, I often wonder what items would have been located there. What knowledge could have been learned? What early books on farming agriculture, engineering, mathematics, science and many other subjects were contained in its walls? Some were the only copies as printing and recording of knowledge was in its infancy. Sadly, that library burned to the ground and most, if not all, of that knowledge was lost. For anyone interested in any of those subjects, history or even just bettering themselves, that is a sad and terrible thought. Knowledge is something that should not only be protected, but it should be recorded and shared. The more ideas and knowledge are shared, the more we can work together and multiply that knowledge. We guard against anyone stealing our information online, over the phone or even in person.
There are laws protecting intellectual property. Being an author, I am grateful for those laws. Corporations will pay millions, sometimes more, for other companies just to obtain their knowledge. Indeed the accumulation and sharing of knowledge is highly vaulable and a lucrative business. One of the most common ways to gain knowledge is through experience. Those with the most knowledge generally have the most experience. An easier and quicker way to gain knowledge is through listening to others. Reading their biographies, listening to their interviews or attending their lectures. These are all great ways to gain knowledge through other people’s experience. There is one problem with that, not everyone has written a book about their life stories. There are plenty of people who have never been interviewed. Most people, some who are considerably smart, are afraid to stand up and speak in front of others.
When these people pass away, their knowledge usually goes with them. I can think of a dozen questions off the top of my head that I would love to ask my grandfather right now if he were alive. What was it like to live during the depression? What tricks did he use when he was a bartender. A fact I only learned shortly before his passing. Questions about serving in the second world war where he was a drill sergeant. He was a farmer and lived in the great state of Hawaii for some time. I am not sure about you, but often times I thought I would get to these questions later. Maybe I felt he wasn’t interested in sharing. The sad truth is I never asked them. Now that he is gone, it is too late. I can make educated guesses as to what he might say or talk to others that knew him, but the library of personal knowledge he had was, in essence, burned to the ground with his passing. If you have an elder in your life, or anyone whom you have questions for, do not wait to ask them. Whether you are old or young, I encourage everyone to record your knowledge. Start a journal, record videos on YouTube or begin to write your book. Record your information before your library is gone. Your knowledge, your story is far too important to be lost forever. It may seem like it holds little value to you, but it may be just what someone needs to hear. This person you may not know. They may not even exist yet. They may not until well after you are gone. Make no mistake, they need to hear your story. Do not be like the great library at Alexandria and be reduced to ashes with all of your valuable information still inside you.
We all have been there. You go the grocery store hungry and end up at the checkout with things in your cart that you are not even sure what they are. You end up at home with items that are neither healthy or in some cases even desirable. You eat these items and create a situation for yourself that is neither healthy or desirable. Conversely, when we go to the grocery store with our stomachs full, after an abundance of food, we are able to make better decisions, healthier decisions. We shop with more restraint, with more intelligence. Acting on these decisions we put ourselves in healthier and more situations. The same holds true in economic terms. When we are in dire need of income we can be inclined to do things we might find questionable. There is a direct link between unemployment, both male and female, and violent crime and domestic violence. When the unemployment rate goes up, there is also a rise in violent crime and domestic violence. When we are in a state of economic abundance we will use our shrewd judgement and not submit ourselves to anything that we find in questionable judgement or does not meet our moral standards. What does all of this have to do with having a great relationship? Plenty. Many people are astounded, some perhaps envious, of mine and Margie’s relationship. Many of you may wonder about fidelity. How do we avoid temptation? Is there even temptation out there. The answer, which is probably the same in your relationship, is both yes and no. As DJs, we can come in contact with, and at some times seem surrounded by, people who have little if any respect for our relationship. Margie’s amazing singing talent, not to mention her stunning physical beauty is certainly available for everyone to see. I would be a fool to think that there are not other men who desire to be in my position. Do I worry? On occasion, but not as much as you might imagine. In my own world I was a bartender for 23 years. I was also a singer in a rock-n-roll band. Currently, I am an author and motivational speaker. That is a world that can be seemingly filled with temptation. Still Margie’s worry is less than one would think.This may sound like statements filled with contradictions. What is our secrets? Why are we not frought with jealousy and worry? If a man who does not respect himself enough to conduct himself properly, does his best to garner Margie’s attention, I know he will need more than charm and looks. Will he do his best to support her and set a great example spiritually? I know he will have to be committed to listening to not only what Margie says, but perhaps more importantly what she does not say, with the desire to be the best man he can be. I know he would need to work tirelessly not only on the relationship, but on himself so that he can bring the best to the relationship. He will need to have over 2 decades of knowledge of, and research into, both personal and relationship development. This is not to mention the seemingly small daily acts to show her how much she is loved and valued. He will also have to understand that those acts are not little at all, but what makes the difference in a relationship. What about me? Truly when bartending there were women who tried just about anything to not only get a free drink, but often go home with the bartender. I don’t think I need to expound on what happens when you are a singer in a band either. Some of these ladies would be what most would consider fairly to even very attractive. Shouldn’t that drive Margie nuts? I am sure women, just like men in the example above, who are disrespectful to us and to our relationship can be frustrating. What Margie realizes is what is truly important to me. Are you capable of conducting and participating in deep and philosophical conversations? Can you help me grow spiritually? Will you support and encourage me as I do my best to better myself. This would include physically at the gym, economically, and as mentioned early, spiritually. A woman would have to work tirelessly to help me expand my influence and help keep the flames of desire inside me to help others and to make the world a better place burning bright.In simple terms, we never send each other to the grocery store hungry. We do our best to keep our relationship in a state of abundance. When we are full of love, respect, and abundant in love we are not tempted to put things in our ‘cart’ that would be unhealthy. We do not consume those temptations and put ourselves in unhealthy and undesirable situations. When you send your partner out to the grocery store of the world hungry, they will be susceptible to temptation and fill their carts with things that will not be healthy and desirable for that relationship. Remember to keep your partner’s heart full. Never send them to the grocery store hungry.
Last Friday, I heard something that caused me to pause and think. This time it came from my friend Travis. As someone was coming up to perform a song while Margie and I were DJing this show, I heard them say, “Wait! I have to get ready.” To which our friend Mr. Jones informed them, “Be ready and you won’t have to get ready.” I thought about that for a second and was struck as to how true this statement was.
How many of us only look at other opportunities to earn income when we feel our job is threatened? Is it only when we have done something wrong or our spouse is unhappy that we look for ways to be loving and romantic? It also reminded me of a quote from Eric Thomas, “You must be ready for the opportunity of a lifetime in the lifetime of the opportunity.” Meaning, if you wait to prepare yourself until you have an opportunity, it may be too late. Can you imagine if an athlete only began training once they were drafted by a team? By the time they were in shape and had their skills down it might be too late.
I can’t count the friends I have that only begin to workout and watch their diets when they have a wedding or high school reunion to attend. The truth is we could be surprised by a friend tomorrow asking us to stand up in their wedding. We could be invited to participate in a 5K charity run for a cause we really believe in. There are countless times when the need to physically perform could benefit us. If we wait to get ready until that moment we may never be ready in time.
It is far more than just being in shape. Working on and discovering better ways to love your partner should be a daily activity. Always be listening to your partner. You never know when they may tell you a little bit of information that you could use to melt their heart and bring peace and joy to their soul.
What about on the job? If you wait until there is a promotion available to give your best, the chances of you being picked for the position will be slim to none. If, however, you have shown what a great worker you are with constant effort day in and day out, your name will be at the top of the list.
Being ready takes a lot of the pressure off of life. There is no stress and running around when you are trying to get ready. Even if some of your skills need a little polish, at least you will be prepared for the most part. Do your best to be ready every day and you will never have to get ready.
What about me? 
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 