I must say again that one of the best side effects of dedicating my life to the secrets of discovering new ways to uncover joy is the ability to turn things that annoy most people daily into moments of inspiration! As fortune would have it for those of you reading it, you can use my experience to quickly turn things in your life from bringing you stress and annoyance to moments of joy and inspiration. Today’s example…junk mail. We all get it. I see piles of it being recycled at the post office daily. catalogs, advertisements, coupons, charity requests. So how can all of these pieces of paper that keep our mailboxes warm deliver any sort of inspiration? Anyone who follows this blog on a fairly regular basis knows that I am a fan of the law of attraction. It often intertwines with the secret to happiness. For those of you not familiar with the law of attraction in a nutshell it is the theory that like attracts like and that our thoughts go a good way into establishing our reality. So what does all of this metaphysical theory have to do with the add for the local automotive repair shop? It provides us a great reminder of this law and its power. It also gives us a great insight into where we place our focus. Still confused? Let me provide you with a personal example in hopes to tie all of this together. One day I had ordered some energy vitamins from this website geared towards men’s products. Soon there after interesting ads starting showing up in my mailbox. Ads for adventure vacations. Ads for vitamins to give you a little extra energy in the bedroom, even a few letters from ladies who were apparently a little lonely but would gladly be my friend for a small fee. It was obvious, the vitamin site had sold my address. It struck me how this was a great parallel to the law of attraction. When you focus your thoughts in a certain kind of subject matter it is like ordering a product from a catalog. The universe soon starts sending you products similar in fashion. Thinking of how much weight you are gaining and staying upset about it? Perhaps the button may pop off your pants. A shirt you just wore that was shrunk in the dryer fits too tight and must be given away. You weigh to much for the children’s ride at the carnival. What is the power in all of this? It works the opposite way as well. When you start focusing on how grateful you are for a certain friend and all the wonderful things they do for you, you may very well start meeting people of a similar nature or your friends may start to go out of their way to do kind things for you. It also is a great way to shed a light on where are focus is. In the ‘recommended pages’ on my Facebook page which is the equivalent to online junk mail I am an receiving requests for pages with positive quotes, marketing advice, advice for authors. It shows me where my focus is. So next time you pull heaps of junk mail out of your mailbox, ask yourself this important question “What can I learn from this?” and “how can I use this junk to inspire me?” Now, I even have an idea for telemarketers…but I will save that for another day! Have a great weekend my friends!
Month: November 2013
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Recently I was out on the town with a person very close to me and what to me seemed out of nowhere asked me a question in a rather spirited manner. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Catching me a bit of guard, I didn’t quite know what to say. Which, for anyone who knows me is a miracle itself. Although I contemplated beginning to list every short coming I thought I had I guessed they were seeking an answer to a more specific question. After requesting a little clarity I discovered what was bothering them about me that day. This was her reply “we have been to the different places today and you have went out of your way to be overly nice to everyone we have encountered. What the hell is wrong with you? Don’t you ever just do your business?” Funny thing is this was the second time this issue has been brought to my attention. It’s true in this busy world people often do not have time for any conversation that is not completely necessary. So why bother being friendly? Great question. Being friendly in the course of interacting brings a host of benefits to both parties. First of all the obvious answer is you make the person you are being nice to feel good. That is pretty straight forward. You also create a foundation for future relations. How is that possible. If you take a few extra minutes to show kindness to a stranger that person is far more likely to remember you. In any future interactions you have with that person they are likely to be far more pleasurable than if you have just conducted your business. You also build a relationship with that person which you never know when that may come in handy. We are all so interdependent it only makes sense to be in good graces with as many different people and as many people as you can. Plus, in any situation you make someone smile, you leave feeling better. Good ahead and be nice for selfish reasons! So if you find yourself not even extending a simple decent courtesy to people you encounter not to mention trying to spread joy wherever you go I must ask you a question, What the hell is wrong with you??
IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER!
Fill in the rest of this sentence “Wow I sure wish I was better at ___” For each one of us it could be a million different answers. When I was growing up I admired several different actors in the movies, singers in bands. I always thought “Man, if I could just be more like __” In your daily life how many times do you catch yourself saying this? Or at the very least thinking it? There are so many skills and traits that would be fun to master. Adding new skills and refining other skills and traits does a number of amazing things for us. First, as we discussed yesterday it makes us more valuable. If you can speak two languages you are more of an asset than a person who can only speak one. Also once you develop a new skill in will give you a much greater sense of accomplishment and an urge to do more. So the obvious question that becomes, “how do we learn these traits?” well certainly to some extent that would depend on the trait which you are trying to develop. With the advent of the internet and a library or bookstore in every city the resources are endless. Watch a movie on the subject. Listen to a cd from and expert. read a book or listen to an audio book. check out a website. The best part about this learning is it is nothing like the learning we experienced in school. This type of learning will be fun. We pick the subject, we pick the medium we learn best in. As we become closer to our goal and notice changes and bits of knowledge we are picking up we gain momentum! That is powerful. Gain enough momentum and you can push past limits you thought were out of sight. So decide what you would like to learn today. Something fun, something that excites you, something that stirs your passion and choose how you would like to learn about that subject. Just getting started will get the juices flowing as you continue on closer to your goal is just keeps getting better!
NEVER FORGET YOUR WORTH…
“Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth”
-quote from the website ‘livelifehappy.com’
I have posted on this subject before. To often we let outside circumstances determine how we feel. The most obvious situation in which this manifests is relationships. Someone is with an abusive spouse and they find themselves doubting their own value. Perhaps they just have a string of bad relationships and ask “What is wrong with me?” I am not going to go into too much depth about that as the other post was dedicated to that. What I do want to talk about with you today is the other ways in which these feelings can come about. If you are a member of a certain race or culture and are the unfortunate victim of harassment for that you may even subconsciously start to believe some of those stereotypes. There is even another way in which people and circumstances can make you feel less than valued and that is in the job market. Perhaps you expected that raise or a good review and did not get it. Perhaps due to downsizing and office politics you find your position has been reduced or even eliminated. That actually happened to me last week. Now you can find yourself asking “Why me?” or feeling anger for your boss, supervisor or whoever was responsible for that decision. Most of all you can find yourself feeling under valued and under appreciated. So how can we prepare for any of these or the countless other situations that can leave us doubting our own value? Be proactive! If you find yourself in the middle of one of these situations this exercise will still work, but it would save a lot of heartache and self-doubt if you were to do it before one even comes up. The simple answer here, determine your own value. Grab your trusty pad and paper and begin to list all of the things that make you the amazing person you are. If you find yourself having a hard time accomplishing this list you could employ the help of a trusted friend. Another idea is to carry a pen and paper with you and note what people compliment you on. I’ll give you an example of what I had written in my case. 1.) I knew I provided great customer service skills in an organization that greatly needs them 2.) I genuinely care about my customers and have brought several great things to the communities I serve. 3.) I have great attendance and can be counted on to be there when I am needed 4.) I am an honest and loyal employee. Now when you do have your list of positive attributes down even if it is just a few, you have a great foundation for several things. One, you have great material for a job interview or to accent on a first date depending on what you may be using this for. You also have the beginnings of a great self-confidence booster. Once you do realize how much you bring to the equation you will be less willing to settle for less than you are worth be it in a job, relationship or any other circumstance. Then outside events fail to maintain their ugly grip on your emotions. If you find yourself struggling to come up with much of a list then you may consider developing a list of skills you would like to bring to the table…but that is a subject for tomorrow’s post!
Using the gifts you have despite the challenges you face
Funny how a lot of things come full circle. I started writing blog posts for an online paper called ‘The Patch’ a few years back. One of the first stories I did was about a lady who was a regular visitor to the local coffee shop in the village I was working in. It has been two years since the post office has seen fit to move me to a different location. This past Saturday I was filling in at that very station again. I decided to stop by the coffee shop to see a good friend of mine who usually works there on Saturdays. Turns out she was off, but I did run into the very lady I had written a post about two years ago. If you did not follow me a few years ago let me recap the story of this lady and if you did let me update you on where life finds her at this time. Her name is Michelle. She is a middle aged woman of a smaller stature. She is a mentally challenged individual who does not drive, is unable to hold down a “real job”. She lived with her parents as she was unable to survive on her own. Every day I would see her walking up and down the streets of the little village whether the temperature was 90 degrees or 9 degrees. Finally one day our paths crossed while I was on lunch and I asked her what she was doing walking up and down the streets. Her answer was simple, yet powerful and blew me away. “Looking for people who need help” she told me. I must have had a look that bordered between surprise and confusion. Sensing I wasn’t totally grasping what she meant she went on to explain. “I know I am not the smartest person in the world, but God has given me the mission of helping people” She went on to explain that when she finds someone who is down on her luck she will sit and pray with them. Knowing how uncomfortable that can make some people I asked her if anyone had ever objected and if so what did she do. She said some people tell her to leave them alone or that they are not interested. She told me she then continues on and as she does prays for them. As she explained to me “they don’t have to know I am praying for them to have it help them”. I couldn’t help but thinking if I offered somebody emotional support and they told me to leave them alone would my first reaction be to pray for them? She left me by saying a prayer for me right there in the coffee shop. Although her faith and mine are not exactly the same I was struck by the power of her faith and her public display of it as well as her love of her fellow humans on this planet. So here I was two years later and I asked her what was new in her world. She explained to me that her parents had passed away and she had to move to a different city with a caregiver. She informed me that she had joined a new church in that area and volunteered in several different groups. She also said that at least twice a month she had her caregiver drop her off in that same village so she could “check on everyone” I was struck by a few points here. This lady is somebody that our society has deemed unfit to even hold a job, much less live on their own. She is faced with daily challenges I cannot even begin to imagine. If she were to fall on a path of drug abuse or homelessness nobody could blame her. Still this woman who some would say was barely able to help herself has devoted her life to helping others in any way she can. Do the rest of us follow the same path or do we complain about every little thing that is not going according to plan in our lives? This week it is time to look for opportunities to help others. To make a difference. If a middle-aged woman with limited means and mental ability can use her amazingly large heart to bring such an amazing difference why can’t you and I?
RUM AND FOOTBALL LEAD TO GREAT SUCCESS…WELL KIND OF…
While relaxing with a glass of rum and the NFL network the other night I caught a segment that really caught my attention. This is pretty amazing for two reasons. The first is that drinking and rum and watching television is usually something I do to relax although it can bring inspiration of a different nature to light. The second thing is it was a great example of how the secrets to success of any nature are all the same. Let me explain. This coach who won both a college championship as well as several super bowls was speaking to a group of incoming college freshman. When asked what his secret to winning despite different situations his answer was a very powerful lesson, not only in the world of sports, but life in general. He said it is not always the most talented team that wins. Not even always the team with the greatest will to win, but the team that is the best conditioning. It was the team who at the end of the game still has energy to keep playing while the other team is sucking wind. That the secret to success was not found on the playing field but at the dinner table and in the weight room. What does all this have to do with living a successful life? In short, everything. Our attitudes, and our minds are much like our body. They need conditioning. You cannot just work out one time and expect to be fit. you cannot eat one healthy meal and be able to eat whatever you want in the future. You also cannot expect to read one self-improvement book and have your life transformed. You cannot expect to have a grateful attitude for a week and to never work at it again. Like being down with seconds to go in the game life will often seem impossible it is not the time to try to develop a positive attitude no more than the final seconds of important game is the time to try to get in shape. This is why success conditioning should be a daily exercise. If you spend an hour in the gym five days a week. you could at least spend thirty minutes a day three days a week reading a book dedicated to Improving your life. Or spend your morning commute listening to success coaching cds. Think of it as a workout for your attitude and spirit. When the tough times come your mind and spirit will be in top condition while others are ‘sucking wind’ to maintain a positive outlook you will be busy winning the game!
MIRACLE IN THE MEN’S ROOM
We have all heard the idea that we become what we think about. The power of thought has been promoted by some of the greatest beings to have lived including Jesus, Buddha, and leaders of almost every other spiritual belief system. It has recently been made popular in such recent books as “The Secret” and the “Law of Attraction” series by Jerry and Ester Hicks. One of the most powerful ways to capitalize on this power to change our lives is through the feeling of expectation. Think of how you feel when you have a negative expectations. Remember as a child waiting for that bad report card from school? yeah, me neither I was a perfect student as well. How about that review from the boss? Any situation we are dreading can be made far worse by us thinking about it or worse worrying about it. Our stomachs turn in knots…we become nauseous. Sometimes we develop a headache. We can literally make ourselves sick. Quite often the moment is never as bad as we feared. Even if it is, we have not made it any better by worrying ourselves sick about it. Think about the flip side of this. When we are excited about something. A date with a person whose company we really enjoy, a vacation we have been planning. The sad part is I know of a lot of people who use the negative power of expectation with these good things as well. I know a friend who had been planning a trip to the islands for some time. I saw her about a week before and she looked genuinely upset. I asked her what was wrong. She told me it was getting so close to her vacation she was getting nervous. She told me she was hoping that nothing would go wrong with the flight or the reservations. She was also going to pick up some medicine because she was worried she would get sick on the food. To avoid the overwhelming urge to ask her what the hell was wrong with her and to quite frankly get some ‘fresh air’ I excused myself to go visit the men’s room. Ok, probably not the best place to get fresh air, but I really needed to stop listening to a recital of all the things that can go wrong on vacation. What happened next was one of those moments that the divine power gave me a little extra help. While ‘taking care of my business’ I happened to notice what one fabulous soul decided to jot down on the wall of the men’s room. There is black magic marker was written the phrase “Do yourself a favor, expect a miracle” as I made my way back to the table my friend was at no doubt thinking of sharks attacking her while snorkeling I pondered the power of the this simple statement. If we truly are expecting miracles in our lives that fills us with a sense of hope, a feeling of joyous expectation. Even when we run into what seems to be a negative challenge if we can maintain that feeling of positive expectation we can more easily make it through the tough times. As for my friend? Sadly to say her vacation was amazing, she did not get food poisoning and all her worry, fear and dread served no purpose other than to ruin the days leading up to her vacation. So do yourself a favor and listen to the soon to be famous artist from the men’s room at my local watering hole- expect a miracle in your own life.
HOW HOT ARE YOU??
“Be the thermostat instead of the thermometer! Set the atmosphere you want to work in instead of working in other people’s expectations”
-from the website Boomsocial.net
This is similar to the post I had entitled “waking up in Neutral” Ask yourself to you respond to your environment or do you create the environment you choose to have? It can be the difference between merely looking at the thermometer or setting the thermostat. Notice one is passive, one is active. If you do not take action to change your life you will be at the mercy of others and circumstances beyond your control. If you take focused and determined action you are guaranteed to succeed. It may not be in the time frame you hoped for and may not be in exactly the way you expected, but it will happen. Of course you must check how you set your thermostat. What do I mean? Let’s look at the way a thermostat works. The temperature gets so cold and then the thermostat kicks the heat on. Some people are the same. They wait until their life gets so far out of control to take action. The idea here is to set your temperature so that your heat turns on well before your life is too crazy. Take action consistently. Now let us look at the opposite way this can operate. The other function of a thermostat is to not let things get to hot. When the temperature gets so high the air conditioning turns on to cool things off. How does this relate to your life? Have you ever been in a situation, a relationship perhaps, where things are going so well you start to get a little uncomfortable? Perhaps you say or do something to sabotage your own success? Why on earth would we do something like that? There are truly a million reasons. Some people are fatalistic. Some people are very uncomfortable with their own success. Have you ever heard someone say “Well it’s good now, but it can’t last”? My reply is always why the hell not? Why can’t it get better? Set your thermostat higher. Become comfortable with your own success. You wouldn’t sit in a house that is too cold or hot without doing something about it. Don’t settle for the same in your life. Stop staring at the thermometer and get up and change the thermostat!
A WHOLE MONTH OF IT!
We find ourselves in the month of November. Here is the USA we celebrate the holiday of Thanksgiving. Although I am no fan of cold weather I am a big fan of a holiday dedicated to reflecting on all we have to be grateful for. I have seen something happening on facebook that I would love to encourage all of us to do. A few of my friends have decided to post one thing a day that they are grateful for. If you have followed this blog for any length of time you know I am a big fan of creating lists. Lists of things that make us happy, lists of our favorite people, or a list of things to be grateful for. The problem with lists if twofold. First, it seems like a project to some people. Sitting down and having to come up with ten or twenty things can seem so daunting that many just skip it all together. Second, once the list is complete the process is over. Unless you look at the list every day it may escape your thoughts all together. By just picking one thing a day for a month not only is it not so overwhelming, but daily you are focused on maintaining an attitude of gratitude. Now I realize we are already at the fourth of the month, but that should not matter. We can go for 26 days or until the fourth of December. Just try this simple thing for 30 days. Whether you share it on Facebook, or simply write it down in a notebook be sure to follow your thought with a concrete action. Maybe a special section in your journal. After 30 days it will be exciting to notice the change in your life. Not only that, but you will now have created that list of thirty things you have to be grateful for. Gratitude is a powerful emotion. It displaces fear. You cannot be fearful while you are feeling grateful. It replaces sadness. You cannot feel sad while you are feeling grateful. So keep your list handy for a day when the blues come a calling. Second you will find yourself searching your life for things to be grateful for that you can pick as your daily item. By doing this you will have trained your brain to develop a grateful attitude. So why not try it. It takes all of 60 seconds a day of thinking and writing and can change your life for the better. How much easier and more powerful can we make it?
THE BEST CRACKER I HAVE EVER TASTED..
Once in a while an idea comes to me at the most unique times. This particular one came thanks to an enjoyable afternoon discussion over coffee I shared with a good friend the other day. It is a great example of perspective and how we can tend to settle for less than we truly deserve in life. If we were to fast for a prolonged period of time, the first bite after the fast would taste amazing whether it was the most expensive steak or a simple cracker. Either way being without food so long would increase our appreciation for whatever food we were presented with next, even if that food were not particularly to our liking or the best for us. what does this have to do with living a successful life? A lot actually. I have always been puzzled when amazing friends of mine stay in abusive relationships or settle for jobs, partners or any other situations that are so below them. There are many reasons that this can be and all of them are unfortunate, but one can be expressed with this story about the cracker. For just like going without food for a prolonged period of time, people also go through periods where they are without love, affection, appreciation and many other things that can be just as essential for our personal well-being. If a person is in a relationship where they are generally ignored they may find themselves in a relationship with a person who is overly jealous and needs to know there every move. Both of course are emotionally abusive, but when we go without attention for a long period of time any attention becomes good attention. I’ve seen people who are in relationships that lack physical intimacy dive into physically abusive relationships because although they are suffering there is physical contact and they equate that with love. On the surface this may all sound a bit crazy to some, but let us bring our mind back to the cracker. if you were full it would make no sense to you that a cracker could taste so delicious, but if you found yourself homeless and unable to eat that cracker would represent a meal fit for a king. So let us use this to discover things we may be settling for in our lives. Does the fear of growing old alone keep us in a relationship that does not serve us? Does a lack of popularity in school have us hanging on to as many friends as we can even if they are not the best people to have in our lives? Let us also use this tool to better understand people we know who appear to find themselves in situations they do not belong in. Quite often there are stories behind the scenes we never know about.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 