Tag: Writing

MY MOST IRONIC POST YET

Going into the new year a lot of us think of things we would like to change about ourselves or our lives. If you follow my work at all one of the axioms I base my work on is that it is far more productive and successful to add positive things to your life, than to work on removing negative. Just how the brain is wired. Recently, I sat down with Margie and discussed things I would like to add to my life in the coming year. This is where this post becomes ironic.

I told Margie there are three things I would like to get better at in 2018. I would like to spend more time both reading and writing, I would like to spend more time in nature (hiking, camping or even just sitting), lastly, I would like to spend more time just thinking.  When composing my last book it was often just sitting in a park watching the birds, or Starbucks sipping a coffee pondering life’s great mysteries that some of my best ideas came to me. As any supportive spouse would do, Margie simply replied (she has a gift of keeping things simple which is very helpful dating someone like myself) “Well you should do that then.”

In an effort to quickly make use of this sentiment of hers before it changed I decided to do that today. I had a survey I had to complete, then I was just going to relax and think. The advantages of this is that it engages your subconscious mind to begin thinking about what you are pondering. This is especially useful if you are spending time on things like worthwhile goals you are aspiring to, ways in which you can be of more service to your world, or even just how to make someone’s day brighter. What happens is your subconscious mind will begin to think of this very thing, and continue to do so in the background while you go about your day. Then, at what seems like an random moment, an idea will pop in your head that is a solution to what you had been pondering. This works especially well if you are an author.

Do you see my dilemma with this? As this idea occurred to me, another voice in my head spoke up. It never amazes me how many there seems to be in there. This voice said, “You should write a blog and let everyone else know this.” Which, as you can tell by what you are reading I decided to follow.

As ironic as writing about taking time away from writing is, it brought to like another principle I spoke about at my last author symposium. When we use our brains the in the same fashion over and over, like finding daily things to be grateful for, we begin to train them to do so on their own. Before long, even if it is subconsciously, the voices in our head (assuming you have more than one like myself) will begin to ask, “What can we be grateful for?” Same holds true with me being diligent in my writing and spending over twenty years looking for ways to improve life and then sharing them with others.

My message for you hear is to take time to just think, but know it may be a struggle with yourself at first. I am going to prepare to DJ now, so I will continue to work on carving away time to think again tomorrow. Have a great week my friends!

LIFE LONG LEARNER

I am a big advocate of life-long learning. What I like about this quote is that it reminds us of something very important. When someone tells you that you can’t do something it is time to be grateful. Doesn’t that sound very confusing? Why would you be grateful somebody is basically telling you that you are not enough?

This day and age if there is anything we have an abundance of it is information. It used to be that if you wanted to learn anything you could go to the library and with a little effort and some research you could find an answer, free of charge! Today it is even better. When you have a question you can just ask google, Suri or whatever online search tool you use and there is the answer! If words are not your thing you can even pop over to YouTube and watch a video of someone doing the very thing you are trying to learn.

What this means is that we can choose to be an expert in just about anything. One important thing to remember is this – you can’t pay anyone to do your push-ups for you. That is a quote I took from Zig Ziglar. It means there is a certain amount of effort to be put into anything, but with today’s technology you have the best chance of succeeding and showing anyone that you can do anything!

GIVE UP GOOD TO GO FOR GREAT

Here is me behind the bar at the local club anything, the last place I worked as a bartender. I gave up bartending as of this past Saturday. I have been bartending off and on for 23 years now. That even sounds like a long time typing it. My grandfather and great uncle were also bartenders. The reason I started bartending was simple, I thought it looked like a cool profession and a great way to meet new people. I was right on both accounts. I took a break in 2002 to focus on my postal career.

After returning to bartending a lot of interesting things happened. I met the beautiful lady I now call my own, I met a bar owner I consider a good friend and I met a whole group of new people many of whom I consider as close as family. Bartending has brought me many financial rewards as well. The money was good, I had chances to affect people and learn about their life situations. Yes indeed, bartending has certainly brought a lot into my life.

So why leave? Why walk away from a job that I am told I am very good at, more so than any other I do? Why end doing something that brought me such personal and financial success? The reasons are simple and yet complicated.

In the case of this particular location, the people stopped showing up. Not really the way one wants to go out, but in business this happens. There was a bout of construction on the street in front of the establishment that I think ended the success we were starting to build there. My lady, who was the DJ that night, and I did everything we could to promote that night. 95% of the time we were the only ones doing so, but still it was tough at best.

More importantly, however, my heart is leading me in another direction. So even though my head would say to stick with a job that you are good at and can make a fair amount of coin at, my heart says it is time to move on. Throughout my years on this wonderful planet I have learned when your head and heart disagree it is often wise to pay attention to the latter. I often write about living your passion and that is what I am focused on doing. I am taking Monday to focus on my writing and speaking career. I am determined to make a difference in as many lives as I can in 2017. The money may not be as great, but in doing what I love I feel I can make the greatest difference in the world.

I want to take a moment to thank a few people who have made my journey in bartending special. First, Scott Bunker who gave me my first bartending opportunity. Also the 2 Jimmys, Jim Grossmeyer who was my first mentor who taught me the ABC’s of bartending and Jimmy (Pops) O’Leary who taught the spirit in bartending. Selena who talked me out of retirement for the last time. Danny Seiy who not only gave me a home for 3 years, but who also introduced me to the lady I love. Of course a heartfelt thank you to all of you who have ordered a drink from me in the last 23 years. It has been a pleasure to serve you and I look forward to seeing you at a book signing, seminar or some other event down the road.

WHY SHARING IS CARING 

I recall the phrase ‘sharing is caring’ from a children’s program I used to watch when i was young. It is a very good motto that still holds true. 

The problem with many adults is that we feel we have nothing to share. Often I hear people say “I would love to help more but i don’t have the time/money/resources”. There is one thing each and every one of us has that can make a huge difference – our story -.

As an author I am often asked for advice and told by people “I have always wanted to write a book”. My advice? Just do it! Again, it is at this point most people assume they have nothing to offer. Let me assure you that no matter what your story is, it will help more people than you know. 

Here are a few examples.  I have a friend is a Jewish woman who won her battle with weight loss and has a passion for health and fitness and took care of her sick mother. 

There is my friend Kelly, who is a widow and belongs to a community of people who have been through the same. She is always quick to share a smile and encouraging word with everyone she meets. How many people do you think these two people could help by sharing their story?

Now you may thinking to yourself “I don’t have such a compelling story”. That’s where i have to disagree. Maybe you have done everything wrong in life. Maybe you find yourself a slave to some addiction. Your story could serve as a warning and save the lives of countless others. 

Once a woman told me “All i have been is a mom for the last 10 years”. I was kind of taken aback. Being a good parent required lots of knowledge and learning along the way. 

Sometimes just sharing our story with people who are going through the same thing provides a feeling of comfort. I know when i am going through something challenging it feels so much better to know someone else has been through it or is going through it. 

So please, wherever you are share your story. Even if it doesn’t come out in book form (although publishing an ebook today is easier than ever). You never know who you will inspire, comfort or help heal. Everyone of us is important and everyone of us has a story that needs to be shared

HURRY UP AND FAIL!

In the category of things that never made sense to me, but now have really changed the way I look at the world, I give you failure. Growing up with the guidance of well meaning people around me failure was a word that should attempt to be avoided. You didn’t want to fail because that meant you were no good. It meant you were not a success. As an adult I continued to look at failure in this light. It actually grew to be something I began to fear. I would do everything in my power to make sure I didn’t fail. That sadly included not trying things that were likely to end up in failure, at least at first.

If we look at our lives there are certain things we are naturally good at. I can usually get up and speak or give a toast with little or no problem. If you see me on the dance floor however, something would appear seriously wrong.

We naturally tend to pursue things that we have some basic skill in. For me writing and speaking are two of my more natural skills so I tend to do things that use those skills. Bartending and DJing use my speaking and relating skills. This website and my books use my writing skills (Notice I did not say grammar or editing skills). The reason we do this is our chance of failure is less likely and we naturally excel at them. This gives us a feeling of self confidence and accomplishment. That is great and I believe pursuing things you are passionate about will lead to great success.

That being said, do not let fear of failure stand in your way from exploring new things. Once you learn a new skill as we showed above in can translate into several other options. Realizing this can make enduring the initial failure can be a little easier. Failure is not an end,  but part of the journey. The quicker we do so, the quicker we can move on to developing our skills and becoming more proficient. Here is another little trick I find that works. If you can somehow use a skill you already have to learn a new skill it can make learning a lot less painful and a lot more fun. When I was learning how to become a DJ and my wonderful teacher, who happened to be the patient love of my life, was showing me all of the technical aspects (most of which I am still learning) I leaned heavily on the speaking part of the job because that is what I am naturally good at. It gave me a feeling of competence and a hope that I could one day be a great DJ like she is.

Takeaway today is don’t fear failure, embrace it. Do so quickly, because as soon as you get it out of the way you will be one step closer to success. Now if I could just find a way to link speaking and writing with dancing….

MASTERMIND

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My bio was recently posted on the West Allis library Facebook page for the Wisconsin authors festival event I am going to do next Saturday.  Feel free to stop by, check it out and comment if you like.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=793830877388460&substory_index=0&id=326342164137336

I am so excited to do this. One of the reasons is being around like-minded people. One of the keys to success I believe is finding and associating with at least one other person who is traveling the same road you are. Our friends and family can be great sources of support and encouragement, but it is my opinion you should have someone on the professional path you are on. My lovely lady in the picture above is amazing in so many ways. At the event above we were not as busy as we had hoped, but not only did she keep my spirits up, she also was great company. She is also very creative and in business for herself. We recently had a great conversation about small projects verses big projects. I am working on my next book and the difference in writing that verses writing these blog posts is interesting. We discussed the difference for her in making specialty cupcakes verses creating someone’s wedding cake. The challenges on bigger projects and the stress that goes with them is greater, but the reward and sense of building something great is also greater.

As awesome as this conversation was, and to be honest how pretty much all of ours have been, writing is an area she cannot 100% relate to. Interestingly enough we are going to do a project together and that very well may change, but for the time being writing a book is something she has not done. Interestingly enough we met some of her former coworkers for coffee and they discussed crafts, creating scarfs and hats for homeless people out of piles of yarn. Something yours truly will never be able to do. Which is ok. We can both relate to each other about creating projects, but I think it is wonderful that we both have people to discuss details with that neither of us can fully understand. I think having that balance is important and vital to success. So today begin to form your ‘mastermind group’. Include a mix of people who both support you personally and can relate to you professionally. You will be glad you did.

Write a letter

No this is not some stunt to help the postal service I work for.  It is, however a great exercise to develop introspection, appreciate how far you have come, what you have accomplished and to set your focus and determination for future goals. How can all this be accomplished? By writing two simple letters. Here is the idea, you can do it all at once, or break it into two separate ideas. Pick a moment when you will not be pressured by time. Sit down with a pen and a sheet of paper, or in front of a blank document on your computer. Those of you who are regular readers of this site will know I urge you to go with the pen and paper because it creates more of a mind-body connection and helps you take time to focus your thoughts, but the main idea is to do the activity so whatever you feel most comfortable with, go with that one. Ok, here you are in a quiet room or busy Starbucks, wherever it is you do your best thinking. You are either staring down at a blank computer screen, or a blank sheet of paper. now what? Think back to a time when you were a very young child. Say three or four when you were just starting to comprehend your way around the world. You have already learned to walk and most of us to talk pretty well, though after a few cocktails I still doubt that ability in myself. Think of that child and everything they have to face in that period of their life. What advice would you give them? What do you wish you would have known growing up at that age? What were you most proud of? What things do you most regret? Just start writing. Spill out all of your thoughts and feelings. Remember you are writing this letter to you, so feel free to be perfectly honest. Who should you have been kinder to? Who should you have avoided? Now move ahead a few years. You are ten or eleven, just starting to leave childhood behind and have your first glimpse of what being an adult might be like. Think of what you thought you knew then, and what you wish you would have known. Remember as you moved through your teenage years all the heartbreak you would suffer and disappointment you would feel. What kind of encouragement would you have given yourself? When you felt like you wouldn’t have made it, like you wanted to give up. If only you could have shown yourself that you did make it through and that you would make it through even tougher struggles. Continue this letter all the way up through your life yesterday. What would you have told yourself if you could have seen tomorrow? Was it to hug someone a moment longer, or to end that argument far sooner? Ok, sign your letter “Love me” if this feels odd to you, remember you must love yourself. At the end of the day, no matter how much we love someone we are always left with ourselves. We must give complete love to ourselves in order to give it to others.

Now, perhaps you wish to save this step for another day. find yourself in that same place where you do all of your great inner contemplation. begin another letter to yourself, but this time think of what you might want to say to yourself the moment before you pass away. If you had only moments left before your life expired what would you want to share? Would you ask questions? Maybe apologize for wasting so much time in anger and sadness instead of enjoying the life you had? Would you regret a dream you did not chase? A goal you did not achieve? Perhaps you may regret spending all of your time trying to achieve goals and failing to notice and appreciate the beauty around you? Who would you miss? Who do you wish you would have said “I Love you” to one more time? How about “I’m sorry” or “thank you”? what parting words would you leave yourself with? Take care old pal? See you on the other side? or just a simple I love you? Now put these letters in separate envelopes labeled ‘past’ and ‘future’ or ‘young’ and ‘old’ however you care to do it. then store them somewhere safe. In a diary or a special book. A locked drawer. Wherever is special to you. Then when your life feels unsure, when you feel defeated, like there is no way to make it through the struggle you are facing. Pull them out and read them. Think of what an older you may say to you years down the road. Or what a younger you may think of how you are moving along. This can be a very emotional and revealing process, but it can also be a very healing process. just give all of you to it and you will be amazed at what it gives back.

WRITE IT DOWN…

There are often two great challenges in forming a more positive attitude and lifestyle.  First, knowing what to change, much less how to change it.  Second, keeping motivated in a negative world.  A tool that goes a long way in addressing both of these concerns is a journal.  If you kept a diary when you were younger you are familiar with the concept.  A quick jot of your emotions on paper helps in so many ways. Not a fan of pen and paper? There are plenty of journaling software available. This idea was made popular by the TV show ‘sex in the city’.  writing, or typing, your thoughts down helps in several ways. One, it helps with achieving clarity.  Often when confused about what the right thing may be to do in a certain situation I journal about it. The answer doesn’t always jump out at me, but I usually leave knowing a little bit better where I stand. Two, it also helps see where negativity may be creeping in and what subjects you may not have the most pleasant outlook on.  Being that your journal is only intended to be read by you, feel free to be completely honest and you may discover what is holding you back from living life in a more positively passionate way, and how best to move forward.  Third, if you are a fan of going back and reading what you have written days, weeks, months or even years earlier it can be a great way to see how far you have come.  I must confess this is not a practice I often do, but when I do it seems comical to see what I may have considered an impossible problem 6 months ago that I may have forgotten about already.  It also helps me see how much more positive I have become or warns me that I may not be as positive as I should be.  Trust me when I tell you a journal can be the kindest and cheapest therapist you will ever Love.

WHAT IS THE SECRET?

Many people ask after reading this blog, “well what is the secret?” “How do I start living a positive rewarding life?”. First things first, there is no magic formula to wake up and start living a positive life.  In fact, I’m going to be honest it may take a week, maybe a month, maybe more.  The closest comparison I can draw is getting in shape or learning to play an instrument.  You don’t pick up the violin one time and suddenly become a master.  Neither do you go to the gym once and expect to be in shape for the rest of your life. Developing a positive attitude is a lifetime journey. Just like playing and instrument or becoming physically fit different ways may work for different people. Now before this starts to sound too much like work or just another challenge you may not have time for. Remember that the journey to a positive rewarding life, although a struggle, brings with it rewards of a far greater proportion than the effort it takes to obtain them. Not to mention they continue to compound on each other.  There are times people ask me, “ok how do I remain positive when ‘x’ happens?”  The answer to that is two-fold.  First, there are times when it is certainly ok not to be happy.  Nobody is happy all the time and nobody should be. There are moments in life that try our souls and make us cry.  Yet out of our sorrow we can even come to appreciate our joy more. The second part of that answer is that is a lifestyle change. When something goes wrong in our lives is not the time to start to be concerned with focusing on joy. Although I have seen tough times refocus some people.  No, the perfect time to begin our journey is today, right this very second. That way when tough times come, as they will, we can face them with a more hopeful spirit and a positive outlook.