Great advice from one of history’s greatest thinkers. It aligns with one of the principles I teach. That is you should focus on adding the positive rather than eliminating the negative. There are several reasons you should do this. The main one is that is changes your focus from a feeling of sacrifice, to one of accomplishment. Take healthy eating for example. If your entire focus is “How can I stop eating all the bad for me food I love?” That sure feels, and sounds if we are being honest, like you are sacrificing or ‘giving something up’. That makes it feel difficult. If you ask yourself, “How can I add healthy and delicious meals to my meal plan?” That sounds as if you are adding something to your life.
Weight loss is another example. Thinking “I have to lose all this weight.” Certainly does not sound fun or like something we would look forward to doing. However, “How can I live a more active and healthy lifestyle that I enjoy?” sounds a lot better. Instead of thinking of grueling hours in the gym and fad diets, it will have us thinking of bike rides or walks with the family and discovering new healthy dishes. This may sound like splitting hairs on the subject, but it results in an entirely different reality.
Which lifestyle do you think you would be more likely to maintain, one of sacrifice or one of building? One that makes you feel like you are losing or lack something, or one that feels like you are gaining something or building towards a new and exciting future?
Almost the end of January. How are those New Year’s resolutions coming along? According to the University of Scranton, 80% of us have forgotten ours by January 12th. If you have already found yourself unable to keep up with the lofty goals you imagined around the first of the month, fear not. It is time to tackle those once again. This time, perhaps a little more intelligently.
One of the main issues with keeping up with our lofty goals is just that, they are too lofty. As the quote above says, “If you want to move a mountain, start with small stones.” Is your goal to eat healthy in the new year? Start with adding one healthy meal to your day. That will leave less room for junk food. You can slowly work that up to two meals or more as you gain momentum.
Many people do this when it comes to working out. The gyms are packed on January first, and deserted by the first of the following month. You can’t go from binge watching television and eating pizza every day to working out three times a week and running on weekends. It is just not sustainable. Instead, start with a walk after dinner. Do that three times a week. Once a week try taking the stairs instead of the elevator. Even easier, try parking a little further away from the store and getting a few extra steps that way. Many of you may be thinking “That will not give me the results I am looking for.” You may be right, but neither will working out for less than a month and quitting. What you need to do is build up a habit and momentum. That is made a lot easier if it is not so painful. If you are left feeling like you could do more, that is great. You can and will do more, just give it time.
Whether you are struggling to maintain your resolution or have just given up on it all together. It is time to start a new. This time start moving that mountain by picking up small stones. Just like the literal translation of this metaphor, you will gain strength that will allow you to pick up bigger and bigger stones as the year progresses. Give yourself the best chance for success. Start small and think big!
Last post we discussed the importance of finding tools and strategies that we can customize to us and our particular journey. You are reading a website about living an amazing life, but what defines an amazing life? The answer will be different for each one of us reading this. First of all, this site is followed in over 200 countries with many different cultures, values and beliefs. Even in the same country, town and even family, people have different goals and ambitions. There is one thing that will make any goal you are chasing more likely to succeed. It doesn’t matter if that goal is a health goal, a financial goal or a spiritual goal, there is one element that people often miss when pursuing their ambition. That missing key to your success is to enjoy the journey.
Finding ways to enjoy the journey is not some added bonus you should look for, it is a necessity! No matter how much it may further our aspirations, if we cannot find something in the journey that could bring us joy, it will not be sustainable. We often use the example of physical fitness to illustrate points, so let us go with that. Many people absolutely dread fitness. Especially when you begin, it is important to find an activity that brings you joy. If gyms are intimidating, try going for a walk in nature. Maybe after years of sloth, your body is not able to do walking just yet. That’s ok. Try biking, swimming or even dancing vigorously around the house! Whatever you choose, have fun with it.
A great way to have fun is to look at your progress. That is why having goals that are measurable is so important. Look, it is no fun to wrap the measuring tape around your belly after years of pizza and beer, but know that the starting line and get excited for the progress. Make a point to stop and appreciate yourself, and your efforts once a month, or once a week. Whatever you need to do to keep yourself motivated. What happens when the scale hasn’t budged or the inches haven’t moved along despite your best effort? Celebrate the fact that you have shown the effort. Perhaps look at discovering a new, and fun activity to add to your efforts?
Whatever goal you are pursuing in life, make sure to add this question to your list. When writing the steps to accomplishing your goal down, ask yourself, “How can I enjoy this process.” Do not quit until you find, at the very least, one answer. When I go to work, every day I know I am putting aside money for both my retirement and my next vacation. That makes my day a little more enjoyable. I look forward to finding ways to make my coworkers happy and improve their days. This brings me joy. How about you? What are you working on? How are you going to make it enjoyable?
This weekend, what actions are you going to take to build both your life and your confidence? Remember, these don’t have to be completing a project, or achieving a goal, just taking actions to propel yourself forward. It is getting in the gym to get that workout done. It is spending time on that meal prep. It might not get you in shape, or help you drop that weight that day, but it will give you the confidence to keep going.
I love this analogy. We can all picture this can’t we? It happens in our house more than we would like. You get one bad fruit and suddenly, the whole bunch is no good. People are not much different. One of the axioms of the self-improvement industry is that you ‘become the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with’ or something close to that. If all of your closest friends are poor, there is a very good chance that you are not that far from them. There was one study that revealed you are generally within 10,000 of income to the people you spend the greatest time around. Sometimes much closer. Want to be fit, but spend your time around people who keep doughnut shops in business? Chances are it is going to be a long and difficult road to that dream body.
You may be tempted to say, “Neil, people are not fruit!” While this is true, at least for most of us, the situation is the same. One negative person in the workplace can destroy the mood of the entire office. Look at our examples above. If you are in a group of people who spends their money for short-term gratification and does not know how to make their money work for them, how are you every going to learn those skills? You will be tempted to have the same Amazon packages filling your porch that they do. How about the fitness and healthy eating example? If your friends are going out for ice cream and chicken wings every night, you are either going to not be spending a good deal of time with them, or searching for the ‘healthiest’ thing on a menu that may not offer you a good option.
That is not to say you have to dump any friend that does not align perfectly with your life goals. Just that you should be aware that attitude, habits, and discipline, or the lack of, can spread just like that mold on the fruit. One of the scariest things about this, is often, unlike the mold, you cannot see it happening. A bad attitude or lack of discipline are not visible. The effects of them are. if you have any rotten fruit in your life, you should throw it away before it spreads. That holds true as much for people and habits as it does for the oranges on your counter.
Last post we talked about celebrating the hard-working people. This post reminds us of a very important reason we do so. Actions always speak louder than words. We all know people who seem to constantly be talking a good game. They are going to start that business, they have that million-dollar idea that will change the world. Where do we find them a year from now? Right back where they were. Usually, we also find them saying the same things they were promising a year ago. The second time we hear it, we are always filled with a little less excitement, and a lot less expectation that they will follow through.
Those people sure can be annoying can’t they? Here is a shocking little truth. Aren’t we all quite often one of those people? “Oh not me!” I can hear you say. Still, once a year, usually around January 1st, we hear people say things like, “I have to start eating better.” or “I am really going to start working out.” When summer comes, where to we find them? Sitting on the couch with a remote in one hand and a doughnut in the other. I know. Temptation can be a hard one to overcome. In a busy world it is all too easy to choose the quick cheap option over the healthier, more involved option. It is far easier to spend $5 on a combo meal in the drive thru on the way home, then to go home, wash up some vegetables and make a salad. Even making ourselves some healthier burgers at home could take a good half hour. In which time we could have already thrown away our wrapper from our ‘not so happy meal’.
The cost of these decisions is far greater than the health aspect. It devalues something in addition to our heart health and waistline. It cheapens our words. When people hear us tell them we are going to start living healthier and six months from now we are buying the next size up, we look foolish. In fact, we may come across as being dishonest, or at least disingenuous. Do you know what is worse? There is someone else who is listening that values our words less and less. That person is the one who looks back at you in the mirror. When we do not keep our promises to ourselves, we feel consistently miserable and like a failure. What is equally terrible is we cease to even believe ourselves. When we declare that we are going to start living a healthier lifestyle, our declaration falls on deaf ears. This is true even if we are the only ones in the room.
To overcome this, realize a few things. When you say you are going to do something, create measurable goals to reach along the way. Write down your declaration on a piece of paper and place it where you will see it several times a day. Imagine you are a famous person being followed by the paparazzi and they are documenting your actions. Whatever it will take to help you stick to your goal. Hypothetically, let us say you slip up and eat some mini doughnuts at the farmers market you were at. What then? Put that extra time in at the gym. Make sure you eat a healthy dinner. Oddly enough, it may be healthy to give yourself a little pain. Feel bad about breaking your word. Remember, it is not as important what others think, but what the person between your own two ears thinks.
What words of yours cheapened by your actions? How can you correct this? We could all use a little help when it comes to this, so feel free to leave your suggestions below.
I always enjoyed the beginning of a boxing match when the Master of Ceremonies introduces the fighters. “And in this corner….” It has such a feel of pomp and circumstance. Wouldn’t it be fun to be introduced like that everywhere you go?Imagine walking into work and you hear over the intercom, “Now entering the office…number one in sales…it is Jane!” This example only works if your name is Jane, but I think you can get the idea. This sounds great until you hear the next line, “Weighing in at….” Not many of us would want our weight broadcast to every room we enter.
Today marks the end of a four-week journey of health and fitness that Margie and I were on. It came from a local gym called Peak Physique. The owner was named ‘Trainer of the Year’ in our city. He is also a good friend. It included a meal plan and fitness classes. This will be our second time we took part. The difference between the two experiences was night and day. The first time, we followed everything by the book. We were focused on the result. We wanted to lose some weight and win the challenge. It felt like we were constantly in the kitchen or grocery store shopping for ingredients. In short, it felt like a sacrafice.
Fast forward to four weeks ago. We came into this challenge better prepared and informed. We also brought something more important with us – a better attitude. We gave ourselves a little more freedom with the menu. We stuck to the dishes recommended, but did the ones we learned that we liked from the previous time. Our focus was not on ‘winning a challenge’ or even so much on ‘losing a certain amount of weight, but more so on becoming more healthy. Instead of sacrifice, it felt like an adventure. Were there times it was a challenge to bring our sore bodies to workout? Sure. When that happened, we focused not on winning a challenge, but on how much healthier our bodies were becoming. We were falling in love with the process.
The truth is that we already feel like winners before we even get on the scale. Taking control of your health and what you put in your body can be a challenge, but like we discussed with emotions, if you eat solely for pleasure, you are constantly chasing that ‘high’. Not only will it take more of the food, but sweeter and more decadent food to achiever the same amount of pleasure. Then, the food controls you. In your head you know that it is making you unhealthy, but you are at the mercy of your emotions and your cravings, you become a slave. When you learn to eat to fuel your body, your strength, your health and your immune system, you take back control. You use food and not the other way around.
This is a very difficult struggle for many. It is okay to indulge on occasion. Just make that the exception and not the rule. Once you begin to turn it around, you will be amazed at the positive changes taking place in your life. Tony Robbins once said, “Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels.” Eating that sugar and deep-fried food may sound fun and pleasurable, but at what cost? A body full of inflammation and sickness? Is that worth it? Becoming healthy is a process. You must be patient with yourself and your body. Those cravings will stick with you. After all, they have had their way for years. Everyday you get a little bit stronger. Everyday you get a little healthier. Be proud of yourself for every accomplishment you experience on your journey toward a healthier you. If you want guaranteed success, do what Margie and I did – fall in love with the process.
I heard this adage in a motivational speech I was listening to the other day. It really struck me as one of the great secrets to an amazing life. It not only works in the realm of walking, but transfers to all areas of life. If you tie your motivation for doing something to the end goal, you will only be motivated for so long and at a certain intensity. Not to mention, goals and destinations change. What we need to do is fall in love with processes. What do I mean by falling in love with the process and not just the end goal? Let us take a look.
If we take the example of walking, it will show us what we are looking at. If you are motivated to walk simply to reach a destination, you will approach it in a certain way. You will just consider what it will take to get from point A to point B. If, however, you are looking to enjoy the process of walking, you will approach it in an entirely different manner. You will look for the most comfortable walking shoes. You will make sure you are hydrated and take water with you for your walk. You would take steps to enjoy the process. This is the same if you are trying to get in shape, advance in your career, or any other aspect of life.
Most of our life is spent on the journey and very little of it is spent arriving at a destination. If we tie our happiness to the achievement of goals, we will be unhappy the majority of the time. It would be far wiser, and serve us far greater, to find happiness in the process of achieving our goals. Think of something you are currently chasing. This could be wanting to achieve that summer beach body, create more joy and less stress in your life or anything else. Then, ask yourself the very important question – “What can I do to bring joy to the process of what I am now doing?” If it is getting in shape, find an activity that you enjoy. This could be walking in nature. It could be swimming and pretending you are on vacation. It could be playing basketball with friends. If your goal is to create more love in your relationship, how could you make the process of that fun and enjoyable? As a bonus, the more you can enjoy the process, the more likely you are to stick with it. As it was stated in the title, you are likely to walk further.
File this post under “Simple to understand but hard to do”. It is still a great thought worth pondering. Something we all know, but could use a good reminder with. No matter what your demons are, be they small or large, this advice applies. Let us say your demon is sugary foods. It would serve you well to not frequent a bakery or places where such items are served. In your house, do not have bags of candy ready to snack on. Instead have carrots, or maybe celery with a little bit of peanut butter. Whatever your fancy may be. Maybe you are striving to be a little more active? Do not hang around people who live sedentary lives. Try parking your car a little further away from the grocery store.
Let us say that you find yourself in embarrassing or dangerous situations when you consume alcohol. You should seek your entertainment somewhere other than a bar or a club. Yes, that might mean giving up a few friendships, but that might be the cost of vanquishing your demon. If, for example, you have a person who enjoys going out and getting smashed, even if they are a good person, you may have to cut them off. Even the friends who can responsibly consume adult beverages, you will have to explain you cannot be around them when they do. Your demon can use your friends, family and peer pressure to continue to keep you enslaved. Do you want to be a slave to your demons, or do you want to take back control of your life? Rather a rhetorical question, but a poignant one never the less.
Your demons will be tricky. They will be crafty. They will use whatever they can to enslave you. If you want to have an amazing life, and defeat many of your demons, you must first declare you will no longer enjoy their company. It will come with some sacrifices. It will be a long and hard journey. It will be worth it. We only have one life. It is worth fighting for.
A while back we talked about this blog being viewed in all but roughly 6 or 8 countries of the world. Some have political barriers that will not allow us to be viewed there. Others, like Greenland, are not so populated and may take some time to reach. I have been writing these posts for over 10 years now. (Has it really been that long?!) Sharing my journey and everything I have learned with all of you. Last year, I started my own podcast. You can connect to it by clicking the link at the end of this post. As of the writing of this post, it is followed in 6 countries. Quite the opposite of this blog. Still, I have only recording episodes for 5 or 6 months verses the 10 years of writing blogs.
While building an audience for this blog, I was reminded of lessons I give my life-coaching clients – build slowly. It is easier to add small positive steps in the right direction than to do a dramatic change in your direction. The same holds true for changes we wish to make in our life. If we have spent months on the couch eating pizza and watching movies, than going to the gym 5 days a week would be a stretch we may find it difficult to maintain. However, going for a walk after dinner, parking a little further away at the store to get a few more steps or simply finding a physical activity we enjoy helps us get started on the right path. I love the picture above because it shows little ways to get started doing big things. You want to begin a practice of meditation? Start by taking a deep breath before a sip of coffee. Want to journal, but find it difficult to sit down and write? Talk to yourself in the car. Not only will it get you in the practice of verbalizing your thoughts and feelings, as a bonus it will freak out the other drivers around you.
It any endeavor we embark on, doing so beginning slowly will give us the best chance to maintain these healthy habits. Want to cut down on your drinking? Start by consuming more healthy beverages such as iced herbal tea, (there are some delicious and functional options), green tea or of course, water. Want to cut down on your internet viewing? Try scheduling a fun coffee appointment with friends once a week. Would you like to know a secret to accomplishing goals and changing to a healthier lifestyle easier and with less stress? I am sure all of us would. Here is something I have discovered. It is far easier to add positive things in your life than to solely focus on eliminating something negative. When you focus on eliminating something negative, your brain encompasses a feeling of less, sacrifice or being deprived. “You mean I can’t eat all of the pizza I want and still lose that belly I have been carrying around?” If you focus on adding something healthier your brain either has a feeling of getting healthier at best, or at least does not have the feeling of lack at worst. “Wow, this veggie chili not only tastes good, but is good for me?”
In closing, focus on building slowly and sustainably. Little wins and accomplishments will help you gain and keep momentum as you are moving in the direction of a more amazing life. Focusing on quality changes instead of quantity also increases success. Instead of trying to go for a run, followed by the gym, followed by a yoga class, focus on doing 2 sets of 10 squats every day with perfect form. You will gain the momentum of sticking with a healthy habit. Soon, you will notice a difference, and that will not only help you gain further momentum, but may motivate you to add other positive changes. Build slowly, but keep building my friends.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 