Tag: Weight loss

A CHANGE THAT CAN CREATE SUCCESS

Last post we took a long hard look at our view of discipline and how it can be sabotaging our success. If you did not have a chance to read that, may I strongly suggest that you go back to take a look. Today we are going to look at a somewhat broader category of how we view life in general. It will not only give you the motivation to get more done, but make life a lot more enjoyable. Especially the struggles we all have to go through on our journey of self-improvement.

When we are looking to purchase something, the first question many of us ask is, “What will this cost?” This makes sense. We need to understand how much of our funds, time or effort will this item cost. Is there a more economical option? If so, we generally will gravitate towards that. This holds true for most material things. Then why do any of us buy a diamond ring? Surely there are cheaper options. When I asked my beautiful lady to marry me, I could have got the ring out of a gumball machine. Despite what I told her, that is not what happened. Before we answer why we often purchase more expensive items, let us look at some other examples.

Think of effort. There are things that take a great deal of effort. Working out to get in shape. That takes a lot of effort. Who would want to do that? There are gyms that are always busy though. Speaking of gyms, after the new year they are usually even busier. By February, they are back to their usual amount of people. Why? This can be answered with the mindset we will be discussing. How about healthy eating? How many people start with the best intention and end up with a face full of tacos? Think of projects we begin with great enthusiasm. Maybe a house renovation or even a relationship? Only to find our house the same or with one less person in it.

How can we work to improve success in all of those endeavors and why do we sometimes purchase more expensive items when there are cheaper ones readily available? The picture above does an amazing job of answering that question. Here is how to both increase your chances of success in life as well as making it less stressful. How does that sound for a great equation? Greater success and less stress getting it? Making it through that hard workout without throwing in the towel, literally and figuratively? Will you still be hyperventilating and sweating like a high schooler on exam day? Sure, but you will be doing so with a smile on your face and a determination to stick with it. This will not only help you say ‘no’ to the free doughnuts in the breakroom and stick to your healthy eating goals, but whatever resolution you make on New Year’s Eve or any other day as well.

This change in mindset will also help free you from spending time on things that are not really important to you. The mindset change simply involves asking yourself one different question. Instead of asking yourself “What will this cost me?” switch to asking yourself “What is this worth to me?” In addition to focusing on the destination, it gives purpose to the goal. When you are on the treadmill and your lungs feel like they are about to explode, are you thinking about the pain and discomfort? Most of us are. That is why it is so hard for people to stick with a fitness plan. The next time they are going to the gym they are thinking of everything it is going to cost them. The drive there. The discomfort of their muscles as they are working out. The soreness they will experience after. If you are focused on all of these things, you will not make it long-term.

Now, if you ask yourself, “Is good physical fitness worth it to me?” That will lead to a different focus. Is it worth it to be able to keep up with your kids or grandkids? Is it worth it to be able to go up a flight of stairs without the aid of a team of sherpas and a liter of oxygen? Are the sore muscles worth being able to stand for long periods of time without your back feeling like it is going to break in two? Is the stigma of being the oldest person in the gym worth not being the youngest person in the nursing home?

That is the fitness example. It is pretty straight forward and easy to understand. Here is something a little trickier and more sensitive. It works the same in your relationships. When you think of a relationship there is lots of work involved. This is especially true if you want a deep and successful one. Is it worth sacrificing your happiness for that of your partner or the relationship on occasion? Is having awkward and difficult discussions to establish rules and borders within the relationship? How about the disagreements when you have opposing values? When you focus on these things, staying single seems like a better option.

Now ask yourself questions about worth. Is it worth it to have a person to always come home to? Is it worth it to have someone who often understands you better than you understand yourself? Is having someone you know will always have your back? How about love that will grow and continue to teach you about yourself and life in general? Having someone to wrap your arms around on a cold winter night, is that worth it to you? If it is, you will gladly suffer the costs if you continue to focus on the value and worth of the relationship.

In some of these cases the honest answer may be ‘no’ and that is ok. It would be better for us to know this at the onset. If you tell yourself “I am going to start working out in the new year.” Ask yourself how much is being physically fit worth to you? Is it worth the challenges you will have to overcome? If not, it may be better for you to focus on a goal that is more in line with your value.

Do not take my word on this. Try it for yourself. Trade focusing on cost to focusing on worth and see how much more determination and discipline you will find yourself having. It will also help reduce the stress going through these challenges knowing how much the payoff is worth to you.

THE PAIN CAN BE A BLESSING

The last couple of posts we have been discussing being the light in the darkness and appreciating the present with love and gratitude. One of the challenges of this is when we are focused on our own self-improvement, it can come with a lot of growing pains. What we must do is realize that these growing pains are a blessing. Remember we cannot have growing pains without…well…growth!

Think of when you are working your hardest to overcome a negative habit. It can be so deflating at times. You promise yourself, and maybe even those closest to you, that you are going to the gym regularly. Before you know it, a week has passed and you find yourself “too busy” to focus on your health. Maybe it is your diet that you are working on fixing. As you are enjoying your second free doughnut in the breakroom, you are so upset with yourself. You could even mutter, “It is no use. I will never be able to beat these cravings.”

What many of us fail to realize is that these moments of disappointment in ourselves are signs that we are getting better. The fact that our perceived ‘failures’ are making us doubt ourselves, are signs that our goal has become more important to us. Celebrate the fact that you are feeling more pain at straying from your goal. Then, go on to use that disappointment in yourself as fuel to better your life. Next time you say no to the doughnuts in the breakroom, or go to the gym when you say you are going to, celebrate yourself. acknowledge that you have taken a step towards becoming a better you. Next time you drop the ball and disappoint yourself, remember the fact that you are experiencing growing pains is a blessing. You are growing and it is not always easy, but you are taking a step in the right direction.

BEWARE OF THIS ADDICTION! 💉

There are so many addictions out there. I do my best to make sure I am not addicted to too many things. I even give up caffeine 1 month a year. For an author that also works 60 hours a week, that’s kind of a big deal.

I confess to being addicted to making feel people feel good. Nothing lights me up more than knowing I made someone else’s life better! I’m addicted to the desire to make the world a better place. When my ears are filled with negative news, as happens to many of us, my mind immediately asks,”How can I do something to make the world better. “

That leads us to avoiding the addiction mentioned in the photo above – destination addiction! The thought that you will be happy ‘when’. When certain goals are achieved. When the weight is lost. When the addiction is overcome. We should be as addicted to the journey. Feeling the joy of life as it happens.

We spend 80% of life on the journey. Why only be happy 20% of the time? Sure, you can’t run a marathon, but did you notice you don’t get out of wind walking up a flight of stairs? You don’t fit in your favorite jeans, but maybe there is a little more room in your current ones?

One of the best examples to me is the brave people overcoming addiction. They are a great reminder that victory happens one day at a time. Every day is a new battle, but that means every day is a new chance at victory! Celebrate the journey. Celebrate the fact you have made it one more day. Do not become addicted to the destination!

STOP NEGOTIATING ✋️

So many times I will here people who are trying to change make deals with themselves. “I’ll start tomorrow.” or “I will give myself a break on the weekend.” While I am all for doing whatever will help you achieve your goal, this type of thinking leaves us with a little problem. Believe it or not, it reinforces the identity that we are not what we are striving to become. You are actually tripping yourself up by doing this.

There are 2 reasons that jump into my mind. First, it makes the thing you are trying to get away from a ‘reward’. If I eat good during the week, I can then tackle the all-you-can-eat pizza buffet every weekend. That creates the feeling of only being able to be yourself on the weekend. Thus, reinforcing the identity of someone who does not eat well. By looking forward to filling your face, and your stomach, with high calorie sauce pie, you create more a feeling of dread for the week of healthy eating. When you dread something are you more or less likely to do it?

Many of you may counter that ‘looking forward to something’ will allow you to make it through the week of good eating. This may work in the short term. How do you think your brain will react to having a hit of dopamine every weekend as you swallow many pieces of cake. It will begin to subconsciously tell your mind, “This feels good. Eating healthy feels bad.” This will only make it more difficult to identify yourself as someone who is now a healthy eater. Instead, you will be a bad eater struggling to eat healthy. It may sound like splitting hairs, but there is a big difference. Especially if you want the change to last long term.

Think of how your actions shape your identity. Not only to others who are watching you, who will reinforce that identity, but most importantly to yourself.

SOLVE 80% OF YOUR PROBLEMS

Remember that doing the right thing once in a while is not what will take you to the top. Want to get healthy? You don’t go to the gym, or workout once and then you are done. You need to show up and take care of your body every day. Want to improve your diet? It is not a fad diet, but improving your relationship with food that works.

These are obvious examples. If you think of other important areas of your life the same holds true. Want to be a better spouse? It is respecting and learning about your partner every day. It is showing up and working hard at it. Same with career. The same goes for self-improvement. It is showing up daily. Winning the daily battle against laziness and procrastination. Discipline is what will solve 80% of your problems

SCARY CONSEQUENCES 😨

I want to begin this post with a quote from my favorite distracted genius. “If I keep temporarily eating this junk, I’m going to permanently stay fat.” Meaning, if you just eat that one doughnut because they were free in the break room, or have ice cream because you are out with friends and they are having it. These temporary indulgences can have lasting results. I am not saying that going out for ice cream every now and again is a bad thing. I do it myself. What I am saying is that if you have too many of these moments, you will end up with permanent bad results. If you only eat a doughnut when they are in the break room, what happens if they are in there for 3 days this week? If you only go out for ice cream if a friend is going, what happens if several friends go day after day? What if both of these events happen in the same day?

Even having a snack size bag of Doritos has 260 calories. If you have 4 bags a week, that is over 1000 extra calories. See how long it takes running on the treadmill to burn 1000 calories. I can tell you it is a few seconds longer than forever. Eating that little bag doesn’t seem like much, but as you can see if you keep doing this behavior, it will result in some terrible results. That is scary.

Here is a fact to ponder. This is not only true of food. Think of mindless scrolling on your phone. Well, I am only going to watch a few reels. Suddenly, you have spent a half an hour on mindless nonsense. That may not seem like a big deal, but how many times do you do this during a day? Even once a day adds up to 3 hours a week. Meanwhile, our houses are a mess, we haven’t meal prepped and the dog needs to be walked. What do we say? “If only I had more time.” You don’t consider that few minutes of harmless scrolling that bad. Can you imagine what you would do with an extra 3 to 6 hours a week? Even if all you did was get extra sleep, you would still come out ahead. Whether it is a few calories in a bag of Doritos, or a few minutes on reels, take the advice from my beautiful Margie. If you keep doing these temporary behaviors, you will end up with some scary permanent results.

THE SINGLE BEST SELF-IMPROVEMENT ACTIVITY 😁

Over 2 decades in the self-improvement field. Over 2 decades as a self-improvement author. Over 2 decades writing this blog. Over a decade with my YouTube channel. These facts not only make me feel a little old, but show me I have been doing this a very long time. I have given seminars in some of the strangest places. There have been countless books read, seminars attended, podcasts listened to, and conversations had. There continues to be as learning should be a life-long endeavor.

The most popular question I get whether at a book signing, a seminar or even an impromptu conversation in a men’s room is, “What is the best thing I can do to improve my life.” In my second book, Living the Dream, I devote a whole section to what I personally feel is the best activity you can do to change your life. In my many years of experience and in my own life it was what has worked the best. That is developing an attitude of gratitude. What way is the best to do that? Is it a gratitude journal? Is it gratitude affirmations? Is gratitude really better than goal setting or visualization? The answer is the same activity you would use if you were looking to get in shape, lose some weight, improve your relationship or just about anything else in life.

Regardless of the area of your life you wish to improve, the activity you should use is the same. Are you on the edge of your seat? Wondering what this activity is? Personal trainers, life coaches and others will back me up on this. The activity you should use to improve your life is the one you enjoy the most. Take fitness for an example. Squats are one of the best exercises for improving your body. If you committed to doing squats, but did not like them, how long would you stick with it? A month? A week? Maybe only until the soreness kicks in. Taking a walk with your spouse after dinner is not as impactful as a few sets of squats a day. If you enjoy doing that and stick with it for a year, it will have a far greater impact than doing a week of squats and then quitting.

We began this conversation talking about self-improvement. The same holds true here too. Maybe you do not like keeping a gratitude journal. If you do it for a week and quit you are not likely to see a great impact. Maybe saying what you are grateful for out loud is better for you? If you do that for a month you are far likely to see an impact. Next post we will look at an additional way to develop an attitude of gratitude. What if gratitude just isn’t your thing? What if you would rather create a vison board? Maybe you like meditation? Then do those things. If there is something you enjoy, you are more likely to stick with it. The longer you do, the greater impact it will have in your life.

There you have it. The best self-improvement tool is the one you like the most and are most likely to stick with. Whatever that may be. Again, personally I think gratitude is super powerful, but I would rather see you engaged in an activity that works for you. If you are interested in developing an greater sense of gratitude in your life but you haven’t found something that really works for you, come back next post where we look at a way that makes gratitude almost automatic! Feel free to share what is the self-improvement activity you enjoy the most in the comments below!

YOUR ORIGINAL WEIGHT ⚖️

In a world full of Instagram models, social media filters and AI photos, far too many of us are chasing unrealistic and unhealthy goals. That model you are aspiring to look like may spend all day in the gym, have a professional chef and maybe even cosmetic surgery. The picture of a fitness guru may be airbrushed or altered in some way. What may be healthy for them, may not be healthy for us. Speaking of health, is that what you are chasing, or just an appearance? Have you given any thought to the inner beauty you have and how you can improve that?

One of the things that can drive us crazy is picking some arbitrary goal. “I would love to get down to my weight when I was ____.” someone will say. Forgetting that our bone density, hormonal profile, level of activity and many other factors have changed. Even picking one factor, such as weight, is a mistake. With the new smart scales, it can give you a much clearer picture of what your weight actually means. How much is fat? How much is water? How much is muscle? You may be healthier at a slightly higher weight depending on these factors.

Next time you are tempted to chase some arbitrary goal, think of this silly picture. You should not worry about going back to some version of you that you used to be, and focus on being the best and healthiest version of who you currently are.

SEPARATE YOURSELF 💪

This picture says a lot. In today’s world, everyone is looking for a quick fix. The latest trend is weight loss injections. No doubt there is some benefit for those whose weight is causing a health emergency, but that is not who seems to be the majority of who is taking it. As a society we are looking for a quick fix. Nobody wants to spend months adjusting their behavior and eating style. Why would you when there is a shot you can take that will do it for you? There are several very important reasons. Let us take a look at a few.

One of the main reasons is the complications these medications can create. There are now stories of individuals suing the makers of these drugs because they will no longer be able to eat regular food, as in the rest of their life. I am sure these cases of negative reactions are far and few between, but that is too much of a risk for me to take. Another reason is what you fail to gain by taking the ‘easy way out’. It takes discipline, control over our own urges and emotions to change our diet and lifestyle. Gaining control over our minds when it comes to eating healthy and being consistent in our workouts will transfer positively into the rest of our lives. You could be more disciplined at work. You could control your emotions in your relationship. These benefits would serve you well.

Lastly, there is the feeling of accomplishment. Engaging in the above discipline will give us something to be proud of. The inner health we accomplish through the discipline of fitness on a consistent level is something to be proud of. Where as taking an injection has both risks, and little in return of health and feelings of accomplishment.

In any endeavor, there is the easy way to get ahead and there is the right way. Very rarely are these two things the same. You could see some benefits when it comes to taking the easy way, but that is usually in the short term and at a cost. Doing things the right way may seem more difficult and take much longer, but what you gain and who you become is what makes all the difference.

IT IS OK TO STUMBLE 🔙

A few posts ago, we wrote about how important it was to get out of abusive relationships. The same can be said about a job situation that is slowly killing your soul or any other harmful situation. Although these are logical steps to living and amazing life, they are far from easy ones. Relationships can be very difficult to get out of. Shared economics, promises of people changing, family and religious expectations can make things difficult. That job may give us a false sense of economic security.

As the picture above tells us, just to attempt such things takes a great deal of bravery. If we let our boss talk us into staying a little longer while we keep our eyes open for another opportunity, that is understandable. Do we give that person we know won’t change another chance? That’s up to us, but we must consider our own well-being. These things may take several attempts to accomplish before we can finally follow through. Do not beat yourself up if you fail on your first attempt. The fact that you are endeavoring to better your life takes a lot of guts.

Whether it is giving up unhealthy eating, smoking or an abusive partner, it may take time and several attempts, but each one is an act of courage and a chance to learn something new about ourselves and our situation. Even if you stumble, do not beat yourself up, and certainly do not give up! You are brave for even trying.