Coming up on the first full weekend of the new year. How are those resolutions going? Hopefully you made it a full 2 weeks. One of the reasons resolutions, or goals, fail is that we rely too much on motivation. Once motivation starts to fade, we are often unable to stay committed to our end result.
A great way to make sure that we stay on the path to our goals is to set up habits that serve us. Think of your goal for the new year. Is there a small habit you could set up to keep you moving in the right direction? Simple examples are swapping your coffee for green tea if you want to cut down on caffeine. Parking future away at stores if your goal is to increase your steps. Pick a time to tell your spouse one thing you are grateful for if your goal is to increase the appreciation in your relationship.
What is your goal? Is there a simple habit you can start before the motivation begins to fade? Let’s make the new year a success!
The picture above serves 2 purposes. First, it makes Margie and my cat-loving friends happy that I featured a cat in a blog post. (I am a dog person) Second, and more to the point of this post, it represents the kind of delusions that we are referring to today. People at my day job are always amazed that I am able to maintain a positive attitude in such a negative atmosphere. My response? “There is no law of physics or biology that states your mind and body have to be in the same place at the same time. I might look like I am here, but mentally, I am on a beach drinking out of a coconut!”
Above is me actually in the tropics enjoying a great book. The benefit to this way of thinking is that it reduces the stress that we may feel in any situation. There are 2 more interesting and important benefits that being slightly delusional can bring us. First, is acting as if the situation is already as you desire it to be, will help it manifest that much quicker. Let us suppose, if you will, that you want to be a best-selling author. If you conduct yourself as a best-selling author would, you would take interest in things that such a person would have interest in. You may find yourself speaking to publishers and literary agents. You will sign up to be part of author festivals. You will network yourself out to people a best-selling author would want to connect with. By taking these actions you will put yourself in position to succeed at your dreams and ambitions. This will make the percentage that they are likely to occur improve significantly. Once that happens, the second benefit will kick in.
Acting as if the situation has already reached our desired outcome helps us do one more thing – be prepared for it. What do I mean? Did you know that roughly 33 to 70% of people who win the lottery end up broke? This sounds crazy. Most of us think if I had a couple of million dollars, I could make it last a while. The truth is that if you are poor and you win a lot of money, you still often handle it like someone who is poor. You were not prepared to be wealthy.
Let us say you want to be famous. Maybe as an individual, or like in the picture above, part of a famous power couple. If you act and think like a power couple would before you become famous, then you stand a better chance of success. Knowing famous couples always have people trying to tear them apart. They look for anything that could be misconstrued as infidelity. Therefore, you make a conscious effort to make sure everyone knows that you are faithful to one another. Famous couples are often accused of being rude or mistreating others. It would serve us well to develop the habit of treating everyone with dignity and respect. That way when you are at the county fair being respectful to one of the vendors and they say, “I recognize you two from the internet! You are the cake designer and the guy who writes all of the motivational stuff.” You still smile even though they only got your lovely lady’s title exact. Margie and I even went on vacation 4 years ago (has it really been that long?) and no less than five people knew us in a foreign country! That has only continued to grow as her amazing creations are shared on internationally online and my influence continues to grow across the globe.
Look at this famous power couple 💑
Be a little delusional. Use it to your advantage. Practice what being a success would look like to you. It will reduce the stress you feel in life, help it manifest quicker and have you prepared when success does come. Delusions can be a little work. In the case of Margie and me, we work to make sure our love is strong and discuss what we would do if someone disrespects our relationship. That way as we continue to grow in service to others, we will be less likely to fall victim to any of the trappings that may bring. Ask yourself, “What delusion can I start living that will help me the most?”
I am currently working on my fourth book, From Ruining Livers to Saving Souls, and learning a lot about both myself and life in general. As faithful readers of this blog, I am going to give you a bit of a preview. When I was growing up, I wanted to be a rock star. Really, who didn’t? My personification of what a cool leading man was Michael Hutchence from the band INXS. He seemed to have this sensual and yet mysterious aura about him. I managed to be in a few bands and have quite a bit of fun as you will be able to read in the upcoming book. Still, never quite a rock star.
Next up was being a bartender. The ringleader of the nightly circus. The star of the show. This I did for 23 years. I was pretty good, if I allow myself to say so. I flipped bottles. I learned the art of conversation to an insane degree. I mixed drinks. I was charming and friendly. I never realized the skill that made me a great bartender. It was the same skill that allowed me to excel working with the public during the day at the post office. I recall being on vacation in a different country and someone walking up to me saying, “You are the funny guy from the post office.” Crazy, but true.
During this time, I was also helping out at a meal program feeding under privileged individuals. I approached that with the same rock star/bartender personality that I had from my youth. I recall people switching lines to come to me at the meal program. They remembered something I had said to them the month prior. One gentleman told me, “You were the first person to call me ‘Sir’ in 5 years.” Before long, I had a little following at the meal program. It was good to see the smiles on the peoples faces. It was a lot like bartending, except for the fact I was serving beans and hot dogs instead of a rum and coke.
Fast forward to 2023. I went from being on the stage or behind the bar, to being behind the keyboard as both an author and a blog writer, and behind the microphone as a DJ and a host of the “Living the Dream with Neil Panosian” podcast. Highly recommend you check that out. When I was about to release my first book, a well-meaning customer explained to me that it would only sell about a dozen copies. The reason she gave for this prognostication, was that people don’t read anymore and that I didn’t have a major publisher behind me. That book has sold over 1000 copies and counting.
Why are we taking a brief trip through all of my occupations? I did skip hosting a radio and television show for a while. The former of which is the best job I have ever had. The reason why is that while writing about these and other life journeys I have had, I gained a most valuable truth. It is the secret for becoming a success in any endeavor you are engaged in. I unconsciously used the secret in every one of those professions I listed.
A lot of people say that when they become ‘rich and famous’ they will use that fame and fortune to help people. I have learned the best way to become a success at anything, and by doing so make a name for yourself, is to be of service. If you want to be important – be useful. As a bartender, I made sure to get to know my customers. What they drank. Their occupations, their family and anything else that would make them feel valuable. When I helped people at the post office, I would try to make the experience as fun as couldbe. My thinking was if I was stuck working there and they were stuck doing business there, why not make it the best and most entertaining 3 minutes of their day. As an author, my writing is dedicated to using my experiences in life and the lessons I learn, to benefit others. As a DJ, radio and television host, my goal is to have you walk away feeling better than when you arrived. In my podcast, we share many secrets to improve life and do it in a very entertaining way.
All of these examples are finding ways in which to serve the people I interact with. The more and better I was able to serve them, the more important and significant I became. Even at the meal program that I was fortune enough to help at, service was what set me apart. Everyone there was serving food and beverages, but I was the only one serving dignity and respect. These all became clear to me when I began to write about them for my upcoming book. If you wish to become someone of significance, become someone of service. People will always want to be around, and give their time, business and respect to someone who helps them or makes them feel good about themselves. If we all focused on the best way in which we can best serve each other, we will all be a success.
Here we go! The last day of the year. As we look forward to the new year, many of us will make resolutions and think about what goals we would like to accomplish in the next 365 days. That is good. I would like to encourage that. Looking to improve yourself is always something to strive for. This year, I would like you to contemplate something new. This was brought to me by doing something that I have told you about earlier this year. I heard it while listening to some daily motivational and inspirational videos.
The message came from Inky Johnson, the man pictured above. In case you haven’t read any of my previous posts about him, allow me to provide you a quick explanation. Inky Johnson was a stand out college football player. He was projected to be an early first-round pick and an instant millionaire. He came from a very poor family and was looking forward to being able to help them move to a better location. Only a few games before being drafted, Inky suffered a hit that ended up costing him the use of his right arm and the ability to ever play football again. In one play, all of the years of hard work and dreams of being able to help his family were taken away from him. That would be enough to break most people. Not Inky Johnson. When the doctors told him that he would never be able to use his arm again, he politely corrected them. “I am going to use this arm every day.” was his response. Inky has went on to be one of the most powerful speakers and motivators. He uses his story to inspire those that he speaks to.
When someone like that speaks, I tend to listen. What about all of those years of discipline and hard work that seemed to be for nothing? He has an answer for that too. He said something in this video that really stuck with me. He said if you want long-term success, you should eliminate the outcome. This sounds very counterintuitive, but considering who was speaking, I listened. He explained if you tie your efforts to an outcome, you will never be successful. The outcome, he said, can be taken away from you. I think he knows a thing or two about that. It doesn’t have to be as extreme as his situation. You could have been a great employee for years at your company and then they have to downsize or go out of business. You could work on being a great spouse, and your lover could leave you.
What is the point here? Don’t have any goals? Don’t chase any dreams? Not at all. What Inky said next in the video really made sense. He asked, “What is more important? What you get or who you become?” You see my friends, what you get can always be taken away from you, but who you become is yours forever. If your goal is to get in shape for that class reunion, that is good, but what if it gets canceled? How about getting in shape because you want to give your children someone they can be proud of? How about becoming someone who can be proud of themselves?
When we are setting our goals for the coming year, let us focus on who we want to become and not just what we hope to obtain. Ask yourself, who do you want to be in the coming year?
It can be hard to decide what actions to take and how to take them to improve different areas of your life. It may benefit you to meal prep and eat healthy meals for your physical well-being. Those same actions may not be the best ideas if you are trying to create a romantic date with you and your partner. Going to the gym is a great to reduce stress, but takes time away from your kids. Unless, of course, you get them to go to the gym with you. It would be so wonderful if there were a universal character trait that we could incorporate and develop in our lives that would benefit everything. Great news, there is!
Even better news is that it is only 3 words you need to start using in your life. Still too much? Ok, it is actually 2 words, because the last 2 are a hyphenated word, thus they are actually one word. Bad news for some of you, those words are consistent self-discipline. Here is why it needs to be those words. If you are self-disciplined ‘once in a while’, which really is not being disciplined at all, you will not see much of a difference in your life, if any at all. If you are careful with your diet one day, and the next get the most for your money at the all-you-can-eat buffet, your waistline will not shrink. If you workout every Monday, but sit around on your butt the other 6 days, a healthy physique will not be in your future. The picture above shows us the great reason to be self-disciplined. If we are, we control ourselves. If we only eat healthy if they are sold out of Bavarian cream doughnuts at the grocery store, they control us. side note: I found the secret here is to skip that section all together at first. If we only manage to control our road rage when the driver ahead of us actually does the speed limit, then they control us. Being self-disciplined means we control ourselves. Isn’t that how life should be?
Here is another reason to be consistently self-disciplined – it speaks to your integrity. (another great word to work on) If you only give your partner flowers when you make them mad, you are someone looking to make up for their mistakes. Not exactly a bad thing, but still reacting to the moment. If you are someone who is consistently taking action that will improve your relationship. You bring flowers home for no other reason than to put a smile on your partner’s face. You genuinely compliment them when you notice something wonderful about them. You help without being asked. Then you are someone who is in control of their role in the relationship. It speaks to your character as a good life partner. If you only avoid those doughnuts one day a week, you are someone struggling to be healthy. If the doughnuts are the exception and not the rule, you are a healthy person.
Here is the best reason to be consistent in your self-discipline – it allows you to accomplish things. If you want to be a success at ANYTHING, you need to be self-disciplined, and you need to be so consistently. If you want to be healthy, if you want to be wealthy, if you want to have an amazing life or relationship, if you want to be a great writer or cake designer, you need to be consistent in your self-discipline. You need to take the actions on a daily basis that allow you to become the person who will accomplish the goals you are chasing. This formula does not allow doing things only when you feel like it, or when it is easy. Everyone likes to go to the gym when it is convenient, but what about when it is freezing outside? How about when it is raining? Snowing? You must be consistent in your discipline and your dedication.
How do you become self-disciplined? I will give you 3 quick ways and encourage you to research more on your own. First, take a look at the picture to start this post. There are a lot of great ideas. Second, pick up so good books on the subject and practice what they say. One of my favorites is Discipline Equals Freedom by Jocko Willink. Third, and most important, develop your why. If you have a strong enough purpose, it will keep you going when the feeling to do so is absent. I would love to hear your tips for staying disciplined in the comments below. We could all use a little extra help in this area.
What is the secret to an amazing life? We have a whole website dedicated to that very question right here. Recently, we sat down on the Living the Dream with Neil Panosian podcast to discuss 2 of the very best. Learn what these powerful secrets are and how to put them to work in your own life as soon as you finish listening to the episode. Just click the link below to be taken to the podcast!
While you are there, please do me the honor of subscribing. You will then be the first to receive the latest tools and strategies to live and amazing life. Each episode is less than 10 minutes and provides a fun and informative listen. Please join our wonderful community at Living the Dream with Neil Panosian podcast. We would love to have you join our family.
One of my greatest passions is convincing others of the importance of sharing their own story. It is so important and can benefit everyone when we do. The picture above is when I did just such a thing at an author event recently. We sit down on the Living the Dream with Neil Panosian podcast to discuss just such a thing. While listening to this podcast episode, you will learn several amazing things. You will hear some of the remarkable stories these fellow authors wrote about and were sharing at the event. You will understand why it is so vital you share your story with the world and all of the benefits that come by doing so. You will also learn how to do so without writing a single word…if you don’t want to.
It gives me great pleasure to invite you to click on the link below, sit back and listen to the most recent episode of the Living the Dream with Neil Panosian podcast. While you are there, feel free to subscribe. That way you will be the first to get the latest tools and strategies for living an amazing life.
Do not worry. This is not some sort of legally questionable promotion of a Mexican food product by a daughter of a president of the United States. In fact, it has nothing to do with that brand of food. Although, many of their products are very tasty. This is about a missing step that many people miss in pursuing an amazing life. It is also a vital step in using the Law of Attraction that people often miss. It was mentioned in the movie The Secret, but somehow most people missed it, including several of the people who were in the movie.
The steps listed in the Law of Attraction, and the movie The Secret, are to 1. ask 2. believe 3. receive. There is an important aspect missing here. If you think positive thoughts and you believe, it will put you in the right mental and emotional state, but people will still come and take your car and furniture unless you add a step between 2 and 3. That step is inspired action. It was mentioned in the movie, and often in books and lectures on LOA, but because it is not listed as one of the steps, many people miss it. Following the first two steps will put opportunities in front of you. If you do nothing else, they will find themselves in front of someone else. It is like when the server places a gourmet meal in front of you. If you don’t grab the knife and fork and dig in, you will never enjoy it.
In this case, G.O.Y.A. stands for get off your ass. Goals are great. Planning is wonderful. If it is not followed up by action, you are not going to get anywhere. Many people worry, “What if I take the wrong action?” Better to do that and find out and be able to switch it up to the correct action. If you do nothing, you will get nothing. Inspired action should not feel too much like work. The excitement of knowing you are getting closer to accomplishing your goals should keep you motivated.
It might not be a bad idea to purchase a can of your favorite Goya product and place it somewhere you can see. It will serve as a great reminder that we all need to take action to get anywhere in our life. You need to put in the work in the physical realm as well as the mental and spiritual. Go ahead, visualize, meditate, but then go hit the gym or get outside and work. Picture yourself as a best-selling author, but then sit down and write 1000 words. You must put in the work. G.O.Y.A.
What can your garden possibly reveal about your life? A lot. For those of you that are like me and have a thumb that tends to be a little more brown than green, fear not, it is more than your garden. If you have a garden, or just a yard around your house would you want it to look good and be doing well? I think most of us, especially those that read this blog, would answer in the affirmative. If, for some reason, your garden is not looking so good what would you do? Would you give up and just let it go? Would you spend extra time pulling up weeds and watering it? Would you call someone who knows better than you? In my case that would be my good soul friend Shannon. Maybe you would read up and study the different plants.
These may all seem like logical answers, but how you treat your garden has a lot to do with how other aspects of you life will turn out as well. What would you do if your relationship was not looking so good? Would you just let it run its course? Would you perhaps leave and go to a different relationship? That is like tilling a new field with the same gardening skills. You are likely to get the same result. Would you get in there and start working on pulling weeds (addressing problems) and watering (adding love wherever you can)? Would you read a book that can tell you more about how to have a successful relationship? Would you call a friend who has a great relationship?
You may think that this isn’t so. You may think you can put forth great effort in one area, such as a relationship, but slack off at your job. You may think that being a great father or mother and a great husband or wife take two separate traits. That is not really so. Consistent action, admitting to ourselves and others that we do not know everything and seeking the wise counsel of others, whether that be in person or through some other medium. Develop successful habits in one area and it will be a lot easier to do in others. The danger here is that it is a double edge sword. Develop lazy and unproductive habits and they will carry over to other aspects of your life, no matter how hard you try.
As Aristotle said, we are what we repeatedly do. What do you repeatedly do everyday? Is it successful habits? Are there areas which you could improve? If you are human, I would imagine the answer to the second question is a resounding “Yes!” This is good news, because it means there is room for both you and your life to get even better than it is now!
Here is a suggestion that I found worked in my own life. Start by putting habits in place in areas you are confident in first. If you are looking to be more self-disciplined, would it be easier to keep to a schedule at the gym, or getting up without hitting the snooze button? Start there and develop the habit. Once you have discipline in the area of life you are confident in, it will be easier to apply it to other areas of your life. Also, be on the look out for areas in which you are starting to develop bad habits. Are you slipping at the gym? Are you showing up for work late? It will only be a matter of time before this starts affecting other areas of your life. Make sure you address them as soon as you can.
Law of attraction. Positive thinking. Manifesting. These words have almost become cliché. For a lot of left-brained folks they can also seem a little too New Age. I get it. I am a little left brain myself. Having faith in something that seems spiritual can be quite difficult for many of us. “Can I really just start thinking positive and my life will improve?” we wonder. The answer is both yes and no. I want to introduce you to a concept that will make this a little easier to understand and put into action.
When many of us hear of things like positive thinking and the Law of Attraction, we think of it as just blissing out and our life will change. It is not quite that simple. I have had people watch the movie The Secret and say I don’t believe that all you have to do is think positive for your life to change. They are right…kind of. You have to do more than think positive for your life to change, but if you don’t think positive, your life is highly unlikely to change. At least not for the better. This is not some strange occult or new age concept. There is actual science involved here.
If you google the reticular activating system like I did, you will be greeted with some wonderfully scientific definitions that you will have to read slowly and might not understand. Let me give it to you in terms of an example. Have you have noticed when you buy a new car or outfit that you start seeing that car or outfit everywhere? Let me ask, did everyone realize that you bought it and want to appear cool like you so they rushed out and bought it too? Could be. After all, you are a very awesome person. I don’t want to bring you down, but there is a far more likely explanation. The reticular activating system, among many other things, decides what is important and not important in your world. Here is the truth, those cars and outfits were there all the time, they just were not that important to you. Once they were, your brain began to bring them to your attention.
This is all really cool for new cars and outfits, but what does it have to do with positive thinking and Law of Attraction? When you are focused on positive things, or opportunities, what do you think your brain will bring to your attention? That is why people who say “Hope for the best, but expect the worst.” have it all wrong. Your expectation has a great deal to do with your success in life. Here is where those who argue that you can’t just bliss out and life will magically improve. If you just sit and meditate and all the wonderful things in life without doing anything, people will come and take your furniture. What this positive thinking, and exercises like vision boards do, is let your brain know what is important. Then, when your brain presents you with these situations, you must act. What the positive thinking and Law of Attraction will do is present you with more opportunities. Just like the cars and outfits. It is then up to you to take the inspired action. Here is the good news. It will seem easier and more enjoyable than before.
I hope the science behind all of this will make things a little easier to understand and will make it more likely for you to dip your toes in the water of putting your mind to work for you. Just remember, if it works for cars and outfits, it can work for opportunities and positivity. If you want to learn more about this, feel free to pick up my b, Living the Dream, on Amazon or wherever fine books are sold.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 