This really is one of the secrets to living an amazing life. Not to spend too much energy on things we cannot control. Instead of worrying about whether someone likes you or not, spend more time on making yourself the best you can be. That way, if anyone doesn’t like you, it is more about them than about you. Most of have heard the saying, “I might not be everyone’s cup of tea.” Here is one to consider. You could be the best cup of tea ever, and there will still be people who don’t like tea. I am a coffee person myself. That is to say, you could be amazing and some people still may not like you. Maybe they have prejudices or preconceived notions that have nothing to do with you.
Another example is focusing on what you can control in an uncontrollable situation. I dislike cold and winter. As I write this, I am looking outside at snow blowing and temperatures below freezing. Try as hard as I might, I cannot control the weather. What I can control is making sure I have warm clothes and a cup of hot coffee, as mentioned above. I also plan trips to warm destinations and try to convince the love of my life that spending the winters in the tropics is a far better idea. It is what I can control in a situation that I cannot control. Focusing on those things instead of trying to change the weather is a lot less stressful and a lot more productive.
Save yourself some stress and focus on what you can change. When you seem to be facing a challenge that is beyond your control, ask yourself, “What can I control in this situation that is beyond my control?” You may not be able to control your job downsizing, but you can control polishing your skills and networking to place yourself in a better position. You cannot control the economy at large, but you can control your own personal economy. Stress less. Worry less. Control what you can.
As I mentioned earlier, these posts are coming to you while I am on vacation in the tropics with the beautiful Margie. One of the great things about both vacation and the tropics is the fact that nobody seems to ‘sweat the small stuff’ as they say. In fact, there is a term called Island time which means things move at their own pace.
This slower pace can be frustrating to visitors at first. Considering that the leading cause of death in the developed world is heart disease, and the leading cause of that is stress, you think we would relish slowing down. Still, people seem to want everything yesterday.
After a few days on vacation, some of us adjust to island time. It not only involves slowing down, be prioritizing. You have to wait a little longer for your drink? Who cares? You’re relaxing on the beach. The restaurant you wanted to eat at is full? No worries. There is a great stand on the beach.
The small annoyances of life seem to fade away, which is where they belong. When we return to ‘normal life’ it would serve us well to keep this mentality. The restaurant we booked lost our reservation? Who cares? I’m still with the person I love having dinner. Someone cut us off in traffic? At least we are safer than they are.
This change in priority will reduce stress, increase joy and allow us to be the best version of ourselves. When we major inminor things, we are constantly filled with stress and worry.
Sometimes we over complicate life. When it comes to finding more joy and less stress, it can often be assimple as prioritizing the things that bring us joy. I wouldn’t even worry so much about reducing the things that bring us stress. If we just focus as much of our energy as we can to finding and doing things that bring us joy, the stressful stuff will naturally begin to fall away.
How about you? What brings you joy? What makes your heart soar?
This past week we have been talking a lot about miracles. Today, I had an example of just such a thing. I would love to share it with you because, although it caused me a good deal of stress at the moment, it really pointed out a great example of how we can miss miracles. We talked about how miracles can often be overlooked because they seem like ordinary things. Today, served an example of how we can lose them in a sea of stress and chaos.
I was returning from one of my many hikes in nature with my mother. Traffic was heavy because it was about rush hour. We were turning from one busy street onto another. As I was turning onto the street, a young man on a bicycle went through the red light and I had to slam on my brakes to miss running him over by mere inches. I honked my horn. The young man, blissfully lacking in care or concern for any accidents he may have caused as well as his own life, did not even turn to look in our direction. My mother and I, on the other hand, had a rather unexpected trip closer to the dashboard and steering wheel than expected. The contents from a craft fair my lovely lady was in shifted greatly.
The rest of the drive to drop my mother off at her house and take me to mine was stressful. For anyone who has almost been in an accident, you know that you get shakes and your adrenaline spikes. My mother was questioning how the young man could be so careless, even after the incident. What we both decided, that it was a miracle that nobody was injured or worse. It would have been his fault, but I cannot imagine the knowledge that I injured or killed someone on my conscious. It was upsetting, and many people would have continued their anger, and rightfully so. That would only serve to continue our stress. We chose to focus on the gratitude that everything turned out for the best.
All of this does not mean we were ignorant to what could have happened. Quite the contrary. By realizing how this could have impacted so many lives and families negatively, only made us realize how much we had to be grateful for. What this did was take us from an emotional state of stress and anger, to one of relief and gratitude. This only helped make our day better. Finding the gratitude in such a crazy situation is a miracle in itself. Focusing on gratitude in a stressful situation is far better for your mental and physical well-being. Stress can drain us and deplete our immune system.
Next time you find yourself in a stressful situation, do your best to find something to be grateful for. It may be difficult at first, but it will save your day and might end up saving your life. Prolonged exposure to stress is the cause of many of our most severe health issues. Anytime you can take actions to reduce stress, or better yet replace it with gratitude, you are doing yourself a favor.
In today’s world, this is a very powerful message! If you are foolish enough to turn on the news, you will hear countless stories of conflict, much of it leading to violent and deadly consequences. This could be crime you see in your nation or even your town. On a grander scale, the events in Ukraine and Israel are broader examples of this.
It does not even have to be such extreme cases. There was a man at one of my books signings that told me about how he would always get so mad on his drive to work listening to talk radio. He was angered with the actions of those “idiots”. Those people, in this case, were people who differed from him politically. I don’t even recall which side of the fence he tended to lean. Not that matters much as the anger and hate is the same on both. You could see his blood pressure start to rise just telling me about it. All of this happened at a book signing for my book titled Living the Dream. I asked him what I thought was an obvious question. “Why don’t you just change the station to something you find enjoyable?” He looked at me as if I was being willfully ignorant. “How will I know what they are up to?” he asked. “What would happen if you didn’t?” I countered. He walked away shaking his head at the foolish author. It is my sincere hope he cracks open the great book he purchased and applies a few of its principles.
It doesn’t even have to be some outside source getting our blood pressure up. Many of us do this to ourselves. How many times have you seen something divisive that someone has posted online followed by an endless string of comments. As you read down the comments, they become more heated and lascivious. It doesn’t even have to be something controversial. No. Even people celebrating victories or sharing something that brought them joy can be subjected to scathing comments. Why people go through the trouble of sharing something negative when none is needed is beyond me. Here is something even more confounding – why do we even respond to these?
In our example of the string of comments, I can promise you that none of those people got anything beneficial out of them. In fact, most of them probably got an increase in blood pressure with a side of cortisol, the stress hormone. Quite harmless in and of itself, but I am guessing that was not the only “discussion” they had that day. Many of them probably continued to think about, and maybe even talk about, how wrong this person was. This only served to get them more upset and experience negative emotions while they were thinking and talking about it.
The crazy thing about all of this is that it is completely unnecessary. Is it that important that you have to be right? Here is another thought to ponder. Do you think it might be possible that due to different life experiences and circumstances a person can have a different, yet equally valid, opinion on an issue than you? Is there a chance that both you and that person could be right? Their opinion being right for them and yours being right for you? Do you think there is room to be friends with someone who doesn’t think and feel exactly like you? Hell, that even happens in my house. Of course we know the answer to all of these is yes.
One more question. If you finally ‘prove’ to the other person that your opinion is ‘right’ or ‘better’ than theirs, was it worth the stress and loss of inner peace to get there? What happens if you do win an argument? Do you get a trophy? A cash prize? No. I will tell you what you get. You get get stress, high blood pressure, a weakened immune system as well as a weakened friendship. For what? Are all of these arguments and needing to be right worth the loss of peace? How difficult would it be to say, “Although I disagree with your opinion, I respect your right to feel that way.” and then move on to a more agreeable topic? Next time we feel the urge to argue a point, or prove we are ‘right’, let us slow down and ask ourselves if it is worth our inner peace.
One thing that really drives me to the edge of insanity is people who are gifted the tools and strategies to positively transform their lives, but leave them back in the toolshed, so to speak. There is no sense of urgency. Maybe they are too far entrenched in their comfort zone. Their life is not ‘bad enough’ to propel them to take any action. There are some people who tell me that they tried some self-improvement strategies when their life was going south a while back and it didn’t work.
Many people hear some of what I have to say and falsely assume that I advocate to stick your head in the sand and ignore all of the negative aspects of life. Nothing could be further from the truth. I know life can be hard some days. A few years back I appeared on the local show Positively Milwaukee. The episode is on YouTube, I will leave the link below if you are interested in watching the episode. At one point, the host, Carole Meekins, asked a very poignant question. Why should people take action on improving their lives? Especially if they are ‘ok’ at the moment. My answer was also a question. When is the best time to learn to swim, on the shore or when the boat is sinking?
Some people failed to grasp the intensity of that question. Maybe they just figured they would stay out of the water? I am not really sure. While driving to write today, another, and perhaps more apt, analogy occurred to me. We need what is pictured in the two pictures above. The great wall of China? A castle? Yes and no. What we need is fortifications. Have you ever felt like life was attacking you? Things were tough at the office. You drove home and had car trouble. You finally get home only to discover things are also tough at home. Throw in a sickness or medical problem you are dealing with just for good measure. It can feel like you are being attacked on several different fronts.
Let me ask you a question. It the midst of all of this chaos, are you likely to sit down with a cupcake and this great book and say to yourself, “Let me see what I can do to lower my stress?” No. You are going to have to address the attacks you are in the middle of. Can we all agree at some point life will attack us? That the examples above, or a million others, could happen at any time? I think we can. What would a great king or queen do if they knew their kingdom was going to be attacked? They did not know when, but they knew the attack was coming. What would they do? They would prepare! How? By setting up some fortifications. Like the great wall of China, or a castle.
In our life, these fortifications are the tools and strategies we have in place for the fight we know is coming. They are self-care tools. They are stress-reduction strategies. Lists of songs and movies that make us happy. They are making sure our physical body is in top shape to withstand the stress we will put it under. If you are going to try and fend off an attacker, would you not want the best fortification you can? Think of the story of the three little pigs. They each had a house to hide from the big bad wolf. One built it of straw. Probably quick and easy. The big bad wolf enjoyed some bacon that morning. The next pig built one of sticks. A little more time and effort. Still, the wolf had some pork chops for lunch. The third pig build one of bricks. Invested a little more time and effort, probably while the other pigs were enjoying a roll in the mud. When the wolf came knocking, he could prop up his hoofs and not let it affect him.
The best time to be able to prepare for the fight that is coming in all of our lives, is to fortify our kingdom now. What is our kingdom? It is our mental and physical well-being. It is our stress level. It is also our relationship, our family and our friendships. That is why it is so urgent that we take steps to live an amazing life as soon as we can. We don’t want to be looking for shelter when we are under attack. No, we want to be well protected when the enemy arrives at our door.
One of the great secrets that I use to make through tough times is taking mini mental vacations. I often tell people that your mind and your body do not have to be in the same place at the same time.
Mini mental vacations can be done in a variety of different ways. You can put on headphones and listen to ocean waves. You can take a short trip to a tanning booth in the middle of winter. You can use some vanilla and coconut essential oils. You could do all 3 at the same time! Having pictures of places you want to visit helps as well. Whatever you can do to take yourself there mentally.
This week, give yourself a mini mental vacation. Take some time to escape from the stress of the work week. It will be good for your health and good for your productivity in the long run.
There are simple things that we can use to have a transformative effect on our lives. In my first two books, I mention the power of talismans. When most people hear that word, they think of an inscribed ring or stone that has magical powers. In fact, that is how the definition reads online. We are not talking about anything occult, but the way in can affect your life will seem like magic. As with everything I share, I can relate to you from personal experience. I am going to show you how simple it can be to cultivate inner peace by looking at the end of your wrist.
Above is a picture of a bracelet I purchased from an amazing young lady who turned her own personal struggles into a way to help and serve others. Her name is Pamela and she is the owner of At Peace Designs. A link to her amazing website will be found at the end of this post. I met Pamela at a local event called ‘West Allis A La Carte’ where I live. I noticed her stand and was drawn to it for the simple, yet powerful, message. The engaging owner came up and shared with Margie and I her story and what took her on the path to create the business. This included a great story about a tattoo on vacation, but I will let her share that one with you personally.
What makes Pamela’s products so great is that they provide us a simple reminder to put an accent on maintaining our inner peace. For me, all I have to do is look at the end of my wrist. She also has coffee mugs, yoga mats, stickers and my personal favorite – gratitude journals! She has many other products that feature her amazing logo as well. In a world where chaos and stress are everywhere we look, what a great advantage to have a simple reminder to focus on our inner peace. I highly suggest you take a look at Pamela’s amazing website at the link below and pick up your At Peace Designs before stress and fear gain any more ground in your life. Do you know someone who could use a little more peace? They make great gifts as well.
We have all heard the story about chicken little. He runs around yelling everyone the sky is falling. I’m sure most of us know people that fit this category. I want to share a recent story with you about the sky falling in my life.
This past week had been a busy one. Wednesday I ran a 5k. I really don’t run so that was something. Woke up feeling a little sore the next day. I thought I would do my best to take it easy at work. That day the city dropped off a dump truck full of mulch for me to spread. The put it conveniently 100 yards away from where I needed to spread it. I worked on this Thursday, Friday and Saturday. By Saturday night I was ready to collapse in Margie’s arms. That was not to be…
We came home from dinner to discover it was raining…in our spare bedroom! Bits of plaster and paint were decorating our floor. We both were exhausted, but what could we do? Taking turns running with mops and buckets 🪣 we stayed up most of the night and got up early the next morning. So much for a relaxing day off.
Actual picture of our ceiling
Have you ever had one of those days when you think you have reached your limit, only to find the sky is falling? What do we do then? We could be like our friend chicken little, running around telling everyone the sky is falling. You could also do what Margie and I did, we focused on what we could control.
What did this focusing on what we could control get us? Due to the repairs needing to be done we worked together to reorganize our house. Then Margie’s daughter came over to help us out. Finally, my mother invited us over for dinner so we wouldn’t have to cook. Further proof, gratitude can save the day even if your sky is falling!
Taking time to just enjoy the company of good friends is something that friends our soul. After work, stress and negativity fill our week and days, we need time with someone who lifts our spirits.
It is essential to not only have these people in our lives, but to spend time with them and appreciate them. Another great thing we can do is to be this kind of friend for others. Be someone who is a breath of fresh air to everyone they encounter. It is a gift that is priceless. Make time with people like that this weekend.
