Tag: Stress

ONE THING YOUR LIFE NEEDS RIGHT NOW! 😳

One thing that really drives me to the edge of insanity is people who are gifted the tools and strategies to positively transform their lives, but leave them back in the toolshed, so to speak. There is no sense of urgency. Maybe they are too far entrenched in their comfort zone. Their life is not ‘bad enough’ to propel them to take any action. There are some people who tell me that they tried some self-improvement strategies when their life was going south a while back and it didn’t work.

Many people hear some of what I have to say and falsely assume that I advocate to stick your head in the sand and ignore all of the negative aspects of life. Nothing could be further from the truth. I know life can be hard some days. A few years back I appeared on the local show Positively Milwaukee. The episode is on YouTube, I will leave the link below if you are interested in watching the episode. At one point, the host, Carole Meekins, asked a very poignant question. Why should people take action on improving their lives? Especially if they are ‘ok’ at the moment. My answer was also a question. When is the best time to learn to swim, on the shore or when the boat is sinking?

Some people failed to grasp the intensity of that question. Maybe they just figured they would stay out of the water? I am not really sure. While driving to write today, another, and perhaps more apt, analogy occurred to me. We need what is pictured in the two pictures above. The great wall of China? A castle? Yes and no. What we need is fortifications. Have you ever felt like life was attacking you? Things were tough at the office. You drove home and had car trouble. You finally get home only to discover things are also tough at home. Throw in a sickness or medical problem you are dealing with just for good measure. It can feel like you are being attacked on several different fronts.

Let me ask you a question. It the midst of all of this chaos, are you likely to sit down with a cupcake and this great book and say to yourself, “Let me see what I can do to lower my stress?” No. You are going to have to address the attacks you are in the middle of. Can we all agree at some point life will attack us? That the examples above, or a million others, could happen at any time? I think we can. What would a great king or queen do if they knew their kingdom was going to be attacked? They did not know when, but they knew the attack was coming. What would they do? They would prepare! How? By setting up some fortifications. Like the great wall of China, or a castle.

In our life, these fortifications are the tools and strategies we have in place for the fight we know is coming. They are self-care tools. They are stress-reduction strategies. Lists of songs and movies that make us happy. They are making sure our physical body is in top shape to withstand the stress we will put it under. If you are going to try and fend off an attacker, would you not want the best fortification you can? Think of the story of the three little pigs. They each had a house to hide from the big bad wolf. One built it of straw. Probably quick and easy. The big bad wolf enjoyed some bacon that morning. The next pig built one of sticks. A little more time and effort. Still, the wolf had some pork chops for lunch. The third pig build one of bricks. Invested a little more time and effort, probably while the other pigs were enjoying a roll in the mud. When the wolf came knocking, he could prop up his hoofs and not let it affect him.

The best time to be able to prepare for the fight that is coming in all of our lives, is to fortify our kingdom now. What is our kingdom? It is our mental and physical well-being. It is our stress level. It is also our relationship, our family and our friendships. That is why it is so urgent that we take steps to live an amazing life as soon as we can. We don’t want to be looking for shelter when we are under attack. No, we want to be well protected when the enemy arrives at our door.

WATCH THE EPISODE OF POSITIVELY MILWAUKEE I WAS ON!😀

TAKE YOURSELF AWAY..🏝

One of the great secrets that I use to make through tough times is taking mini mental vacations. I often tell people that your mind and your body do not have to be in the same place at the same time.

Mini mental vacations can be done in a variety of different ways. You can put on headphones and listen to ocean waves. You can take a short trip to a tanning booth in the middle of winter. You can use some vanilla and coconut essential oils. You could do all 3 at the same time! Having pictures of places you want to visit helps as well. Whatever you can do to take yourself there mentally.

This week, give yourself a mini mental vacation. Take some time to escape from the stress of the work week. It will be good for your health and good for your productivity in the long run.

PEACE CAN BE FOUND AT THE END OF YOUR WRIST 🧘‍♀️

There are simple things that we can use to have a transformative effect on our lives. In my first two books, I mention the power of talismans. When most people hear that word, they think of an inscribed ring or stone that has magical powers. In fact, that is how the definition reads online. We are not talking about anything occult, but the way in can affect your life will seem like magic. As with everything I share, I can relate to you from personal experience. I am going to show you how simple it can be to cultivate inner peace by looking at the end of your wrist.

Above is a picture of a bracelet I purchased from an amazing young lady who turned her own personal struggles into a way to help and serve others. Her name is Pamela and she is the owner of At Peace Designs. A link to her amazing website will be found at the end of this post. I met Pamela at a local event called ‘West Allis A La Carte’ where I live. I noticed her stand and was drawn to it for the simple, yet powerful, message. The engaging owner came up and shared with Margie and I her story and what took her on the path to create the business. This included a great story about a tattoo on vacation, but I will let her share that one with you personally.

What makes Pamela’s products so great is that they provide us a simple reminder to put an accent on maintaining our inner peace. For me, all I have to do is look at the end of my wrist. She also has coffee mugs, yoga mats, stickers and my personal favorite – gratitude journals! She has many other products that feature her amazing logo as well. In a world where chaos and stress are everywhere we look, what a great advantage to have a simple reminder to focus on our inner peace. I highly suggest you take a look at Pamela’s amazing website at the link below and pick up your At Peace Designs before stress and fear gain any more ground in your life. Do you know someone who could use a little more peace? They make great gifts as well.

CLICK HERE GET YOUR INNER PEACE PRODUCTS AND CHECK OUT THIS AMAZING WEBSITE

THE SKY IS FALLING! 🐥

We have all heard the story about chicken little. He runs around yelling everyone the sky is falling. I’m sure most of us know people that fit this category. I want to share a recent story with you about the sky falling in my life.

This past week had been a busy one. Wednesday I ran a 5k. I really don’t run so that was something. Woke up feeling a little sore the next day. I thought I would do my best to take it easy at work. That day the city dropped off a dump truck full of mulch for me to spread. The put it conveniently 100 yards away from where I needed to spread it. I worked on this Thursday, Friday and Saturday. By Saturday night I was ready to collapse in Margie’s arms. That was not to be…

We came home from dinner to discover it was raining…in our spare bedroom! Bits of plaster and paint were decorating our floor. We both were exhausted, but what could we do? Taking turns running with mops and buckets 🪣 we stayed up most of the night and got up early the next morning. So much for a relaxing day off.

Actual picture of our ceiling

Have you ever had one of those days when you think you have reached your limit, only to find the sky is falling? What do we do then? We could be like our friend chicken little, running around telling everyone the sky is falling. You could also do what Margie and I did, we focused on what we could control.

What did this focusing on what we could control get us? Due to the repairs needing to be done we worked together to reorganize our house. Then Margie’s daughter came over to help us out. Finally, my mother invited us over for dinner so we wouldn’t have to cook. Further proof, gratitude can save the day even if your sky is falling!

MAKE SURE TO ADD THESE TO YOUR WEEKEND PLANS💯

Taking time to just enjoy the company of good friends is something that friends our soul. After work, stress and negativity fill our week and days, we need time with someone who lifts our spirits.

It is essential to not only have these people in our lives, but to spend time with them and appreciate them. Another great thing we can do is to be this kind of friend for others. Be someone who is a breath of fresh air to everyone they encounter. It is a gift that is priceless. Make time with people like that this weekend.

WORK ON YOUR SUPER POWER TODAY!🦸‍♂️🦸‍♀️

Do you ever find yourself getting discouraged at the state of the world today? I think we all can. With the wars, civil unrest, violence and general discord we see and hear about, it can be a bit difficult to remain positive. Yet, the more negative the world becomes, the easier it is for us to make a difference. Traits like love, kindness, compassion and encouragement become more special the less they appear. Some days, using them at all makes you a super power. Sharing a smile with a stranger is not only unexpected these days, it is shocking to many. A kind and encouraging word to someone working in a busy retail environment? Nothing short of a miracle!

You may be asking yourself how much of a difference you are really making. That is understandable. If we are putting forth effort to make everyone’s day a little brighter and we seem to be outnumbered by those who are determined to complain and bring everyone down, it can seem like we are not making a difference at all. The opposite is true. To illustrate how powerful being kind and loving to the world can be, please allow me to use an analogy. If you think of all the positivity you attempt to bring to the world as light, which is pretty close to accurate, this example will ring true with you. If you are in a bright room, or it is the middle of the day, and you turn on a lamp, how much of an impact does it have? Not much generally. Sometimes, you can’t even tell you turned a light on. Now, imagine being trapped in a cave, unless of course you are Closter phobic, then a dark bedroom would do. What happens if you even turn on a flashlight in that situation? It transforms the entire room! That is how kindness and compassion work in a negative world.

Next time you feel like your kindness is not making a difference, think of this example. When you feel like the world is becoming a very dark place, know that being a light will make an even greater impact. Here is one more thing to consider. How many dark rooms do you encounter? Meaning, how many negative environments do you find yourself in? It could be the gossip at work. It could be the stress of a busy retail location. How about a stressful situation at home? The darker the room, the greater impact your light will have. Kindness, love, compassion and encouragement are not only powerful, they are super powers! Develop yours today!

SECRET TO MY CALM 😌

When asked to describe me, I always find it interesting to hear what words people choose. I am always hoping for dashing, handsome, charming. Instead, I often hear words like calm, laid back and relaxed. Not the description of the gent on the cover of a romance novel, but not bad either. Usually, after giving such a review, I am asked the same question. It is usually some version of, “How do you remain that calm?” The answer is a simple one – I only give my emotions to that which is truly important to me. This is easy to understand, but to many, almost impossible to do.

This usually generates the follow up question, “How can you do that?” One of the ways I do that is to remind myself of how I used to be. Those who let other people and situations control them are putting control of their life at the mercy of others. You must ask yourself, “Do you want to control your life, or do you want others to?” If you are reading a blog dedicated to living an amazing life, my guess is you want to be in control over your own life. When we live in reaction, that is the opposite of what we are doing. I know. I used to live that way. It can leave you feeling like a ship in the ocean without a rudder. There is no way to steer your life and you are at the mercy of the wind and the waves.

It is important to understand that the same holds true of your own emotions. When you let yourself react to life and those in it, you are a slave to your emotions. They own you. People often tell me things like, “Neil, I can’t help if that is how things/people make me feel.” I get it. Life, and the people in it, are often less than ideal. That is an eloquent way of saying they can sometimes suck. While they have the freedom to act as awful as they please, what they don’t have the power to do is to make you feel any way other than how you choose to let them. This may sound difficult, but it really isn’t. Controlling our emotions can be done by understanding how they are formulated in the first place. What you feel is determined primarily by 2 factors. What you focus on, and what you decide it means.

Yes that person may have called you a racial slur or some insulting name. Are you going to focus on their ignorance or your truth? What does it mean to you? Does it mean the world is full of hatred? Does it mean you are less than? Does it mean that you have an opportunity to demonstrate a positive example for your race and make this person look foolish? Does it mean this person is serving as an emotional trainer to help you strengthen your compassion for the less-enlightened? That is also an eloquent way of saying having pity for the ignorant and stupid. There is nothing that infuriates someone trying to upset you than not allowing it. Not to mention, not getting upset about that which does not matter greatly reduces your own stress.

You will certainly be faced with situations in which you need to be emotionally involved. There are situations that disrupt your spirit and upset you. I was once told that the most important decision in fighting a battle, is whether it is worth fighting in the first place. You must ask yourself the same thing when you find yourself at the mercy of your own emotions. It is a fool who wastes his time trying to master others. The true power is learning to master yourself and your own emotions. That is the secret to my calm. That is a secret to an amazing life.

THE MOST PRODUCTIVE TIME IS WHEN YOU ARE DOING NOTHING 😌

When something is scarce, it becomes valuable. The less there is of it, the more valuable it becomes. Coffee, for example, used to be extremely expensive. Now, with better international shipping, a cup of coffee can be had almost anywhere. This is great news as a blog writer and future best-selling author. In the modern world, many things have become more available and thus, more economical. There is one thing that has become extremely rare. It may be something that many of us think has little or no value. The truth could not be more different.

What is this thing that has become more rare and is often overlooked for its extreme value? The answer is this – down time. In today’s world, we are so busy trying to accomplish as much as we can that taking a break can have many of us feeling guilty. We are so well connected that being ‘disconnected’ feels wrong. The other day I drove by a high school on my way home from work and what did I see at the bus stop? Roughly 5 kids all staring at their phones. I won’t get into the online verses personal connection, that is for another post. What is sad, is that we are always busy doing something.

I love to go for walks in nature. I see people walking, jogging or riding their bikes. If they are alone, they usually have headphones in or a phone in their hands. What is the cost of all of this business? Lack of connection with the most important person in our lives – ourselves. We spend so little time in our own heads, we often have no idea what is going on there. I hear so many people say “I just feel down and I don’t know why.” Maybe it is because we are not paying attention to the thoughts and emotions we are feeling? We are busy watching, reading, and listening to things that we drown out the voice coming from within. You know, the one that might have warned us something was bothering us before it became overwhelming!

How do I know this to be true? Because one of the people I have heard say these things more often lately is the man writing this blog. On more than one occasion feelings of dread or sadness have overcome me and I have had no idea why. Not only is this a negative feeling, but it is frustrating as hell. How can you fix something when you don’t even know what is wrong? How indeed! What we need to do is spend some time doing nothing. Just relaxing and being present. It will not only be good for our mental health, which is worth its weight in gold, but good for our productivity. How can doing nothing be good for productivity? We all have hundreds of million dollar ideas in our wonderful brains. The reason we usually never realize them, and act on them, is because it is too loud for us to even hear them.

I am not just talking at you, I am talking to the man at the keyboard. Today I leave for my first real vacation in over 4 years. I will be gone for a whole week. Do you know when the last time I took a week away from everything? Here is the sad part, neither do I. These blogs will be written and scheduled ahead of time. My fourth book that is due out in the next few months? It will have to wait. What will be true is my mind will be clearer and better able to complete that book and bring you insightful thoughts in future blogs after this week. I encourage all of you to schedule some downtime and do so soon. It will not only help you be more productive, it will be a goldmine for your mental health!

IMPORTANT DISCOVERY THAT WILL DETERMINE THE QUALITY OF YOUR LIFE 😮

This post comes from the minds of two of my favorite people. First, there is William James. If you read his life story, it is one of failure and depression. He was considered to be a disappointment to his family much of his early life. He then went on to become the father of psychology and was the first to offer it as a course of study. This quote about the power of our thoughts could not be more true. Our thoughts not only determine our emotional well-being and the quality of our lives, but what actions and activities we will pursue. Maintaining positive and self-empowering thoughts is one of the most powerful things we can do. There is one other thought and emotional state that we should focus on to improve the quality of our life. This comes from the second of my favorite people to be included in this post.

Here is another wise and thoughtful philosopher. Yes, it is my beautiful and sometimes crazy lady, Margie. Just this morning she surprised me by waking up with a deep thought that serves as the second part of our post today. It is the importance of living with inner peace. When you live in a state of peace within yourself, the chaos outside can affect you less. When you have peace in your heart, you are far less likely to inflict pain on others. There is a cliché that only hurt people, hurt people. There is a good deal of truth to that statement. The benefits of having inner peace cannot be overstated. It will help foster a feeling of compassion for others. It will help keep you from being negatively in your emotions. It will give you inner strength as well.

The million dollar question then becomes, “How do we develop inner peace?” There is no one quick answer to this question. The answers are as varied as the people trying to put them into action. One of the most important is to attach yourself to a purpose greater than yourself. When life is all about you, it is easy to let the outside world affect you. When you are living for a purpose greater than yourself, it takes a lot more to rattle you. That purpose can range from helping make the world a better place for our animal friends to increasing awareness and action when it comes to child and domestic abuse.

Inner peace can also be achieved a great deal through confronting our demons and putting them to use for us. When we suffer some physical or emotional trauma, especially early in life, it can haunt us and deprive us of our inner peace for the rest of our life. Through the use of a journal, or perhaps seeking professional help, we can confront and conquer these demons. When we do, we can reach back and help others who have faced, and are facing, the same trauma. In this case, we take a liability and turn it into an asset.

It takes work to do all of this. The payoff of developing and working to maintain inner peace benefits ourselves in terms of a healthier emotional state. This can lead to things such as a stronger immune system, increased joy and decreased stress. It can benefit others around us by making us more compassionate and understanding. This will make us a better spouse, friend, parent, coworker and any other role we choose to play. It will benefit the world at large by reducing the amount of stress and setting examples of how better to treat each other. It will also allow us to bring the best version of ourselves to everything we are involved in. This is what the world needs most. I would love to hear all of your suggestions for developing more inner peace.

ONE DAY AT A TIME ⏰️

This is a great and valuable reminder. All too often in life we spend too much time working on, and focused on the future. I am not saying you should not have plans and goals, but not to find yourself prisoner to them. What on earth does that mean? So glad you asked. Let us say you are trying to write the next best-selling book. (mine is due out in late spring/early summer so stay tuned) If you remain focused on the fact that your book is not finished and how much more you have to do, life will have a very stressful and not so fun feel to it. Instead, do your best to make what you write everyday the best it can be.

If you will permit me to mix my analogies, it is like building a brick wall. If your focus is on how to build the best brick wall it can be overwhelming. If, however, you focus on how to lay the perfect brick each and every time, you will look up one day to find you have built the perfect brick wall. Life is the same way. People are concerned with controlling their future. That is good. The best way to control the future is to make each day the best it can be. If we do that, it is like the brick wall. If we just think about making each day the best it can be, one day we will look up to see we have built the perfect life.

The best part about this way of living is it reduces your stress. If all you focus on is the 24 hours you are given, the burden seems lighter. If you work hard to make each day the best it can be, it often makes tomorrow that much easier. This holds true in your job, your family, your health and nearly every other aspect of your life. Do your best to make today the best it can be. It is your greatest insurance for a better tomorrow.