This quote from Alice In Wonderland applies as much to the real world as to the world of Wonderland. How many times throughout the day do you encounter someone and say to yourself “That person must be mad!“Usually it might be something a little more verbally intense, but in the same vein.
This is the interesting thing about this whole situation. You could really benefit by thinking of the real world as some kind of Wonderland! That grumpy coworker is just a character in the story. It may even help to imagine them looking the part. Challenges at the office turn into situations you have to overcome to get home. Just like Alice did when she was stuck in Wonderland!
This shift in the way you look at the world may not seem like such a big thing. It may even seem a little silly, but that’s the point. If you can go from stressed and angry to amused and silly, that is a win for you and your life! Imagine your life as some kind of fantastical fairytale world and all of the people in it characters. It will lessen the stress and increase the amusement.
A few posts back we talked about how your mindset can turn a hell into a heaven and the other way around. It would seem that life sought to provide me a personal example. My 2024 Toyota Rav 4already has a bad sensor that needed to be replaced. They informed me when I made the appointment it would take roughly 30 minutes and I could wait. So, after my 10 hour work day I made my way to the dealer. Upon arrival, Iwas told it would now be a 2 hour affair as they had to check other parts as well.
A few things come to mind here. Of course after a 10 hour workday I could easily be irritated about having to wait 4 times as long as I was told. I could have brought a book or some other form of entertainment. I could have arranged a ride to go home and come back when it was done. All of this would be legitimate to think and feel. It would also lead to anunhappy and stressful evening.
Instead, I am going to look at and use this time constructively. I shall avail myself to the available coffee and snacks. I will use my cell phone to write this very blog you are reading now. Most importantly, I shall focus on the fact that I am so grateful to have the vehicleI do.
Both of these sets of facts are true. They both also come with an entirely different set of feelings. Would it be better if I had my laptop? Sure. It is far easier to write on that. Am I grateful that I can still write on my phone? Absolutely!
Life is full of choices. One of the most important is what we choose to focus on. As you can see, the difference can be between feeling stressed and feeling grateful. That may not seem like a big deal in the course of an evening. If you put enough of those evenings together, it is the difference between a negative and stressful life, or one where you choose to focus on gratitude and opportunities.
Today is the only day we have. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come. It is today that holds all of the power. Do you regret something in your past? Today is the day you can make up for it. Worried about something in the future? It is the actions that you take Today that can help you be prepared.
It is living in the past or the future that causes most of our stress in life. Do yourself a favor and live in the present. Not only will you have less stress, but you will use the day to your advantage!
Today, instead of focusing on doing a lot, let us focus on doing a few things well. Putting attention into detail instead of putting a million things on our to do list. It will increase our satisfaction and decrease our stress.
Here is a fresh reminder to do your best to keep things in perspective. We often suffer dreading an upcoming event long before the event occurs. This only extends the time we spent in suffering. This may seem like something only a fool would do. To that end, I would like to ask you if you can recall the days leading up to your last dental appointment? How about your last proctology exam? Hopefully they were two different doctors. We can get ourselves all worked up, and end up have a nearly painless experience. Then again, it may not be painless, but what has worrying and suffering before the experience done other than to serve us up an additional helping of suffering?
Instead, I would encourage you to focus on the best possible outcomes of any situation. Not only will this help reduce the stress before hand, but may also help manifest a better outcome. You can always focus on the long-term result. Such as the dentist. It may hurt in the short term, but you will end up feeling better, and usually looking better, in the long term.
Do not suffer the needless in your mind. Focus on both the long-term results as well as the best possible outcome. This is one of many ways to reduce stress in our lives.
This really is one of the secrets to living an amazing life. Not to spend too much energy on things we cannot control. Instead of worrying about whether someone likes you or not, spend more time on making yourself the best you can be. That way, if anyone doesn’t like you, it is more about them than about you. Most of have heard the saying, “I might not be everyone’s cup of tea.” Here is one to consider. You could be the best cup of tea ever, and there will still be people who don’t like tea. I am a coffee person myself. That is to say, you could be amazing and some people still may not like you. Maybe they have prejudices or preconceived notions that have nothing to do with you.
Another example is focusing on what you can control in an uncontrollable situation. I dislike cold and winter. As I write this, I am looking outside at snow blowing and temperatures below freezing. Try as hard as I might, I cannot control the weather. What I can control is making sure I have warm clothes and a cup of hot coffee, as mentioned above. I also plan trips to warm destinations and try to convince the love of my life that spending the winters in the tropics is a far better idea. It is what I can control in a situation that I cannot control. Focusing on those things instead of trying to change the weather is a lot less stressful and a lot more productive.
Save yourself some stress and focus on what you can change. When you seem to be facing a challenge that is beyond your control, ask yourself, “What can I control in this situation that is beyond my control?” You may not be able to control your job downsizing, but you can control polishing your skills and networking to place yourself in a better position. You cannot control the economy at large, but you can control your own personal economy. Stress less. Worry less. Control what you can.
As I mentioned earlier, these posts are coming to you while I am on vacation in the tropics with the beautiful Margie. One of the great things about both vacation and the tropics is the fact that nobody seems to ‘sweat the small stuff’ as they say. In fact, there is a term called Island time which means things move at their own pace.
This slower pace can be frustrating to visitors at first. Considering that the leading cause of death in the developed world is heart disease, and the leading cause of that is stress, you think we would relish slowing down. Still, people seem to want everything yesterday.
After a few days on vacation, some of us adjust to island time. It not only involves slowing down, be prioritizing. You have to wait a little longer for your drink? Who cares? You’re relaxing on the beach. The restaurant you wanted to eat at is full? No worries. There is a great stand on the beach.
The small annoyances of life seem to fade away, which is where they belong. When we return to ‘normal life’ it would serve us well to keep this mentality. The restaurant we booked lost our reservation? Who cares? I’m still with the person I love having dinner. Someone cut us off in traffic? At least we are safer than they are.
This change in priority will reduce stress, increase joy and allow us to be the best version of ourselves. When we major inminor things, we are constantly filled with stress and worry.
Sometimes we over complicate life. When it comes to finding more joy and less stress, it can often be assimple as prioritizing the things that bring us joy. I wouldn’t even worry so much about reducing the things that bring us stress. If we just focus as much of our energy as we can to finding and doing things that bring us joy, the stressful stuff will naturally begin to fall away.
How about you? What brings you joy? What makes your heart soar?
This past week we have been talking a lot about miracles. Today, I had an example of just such a thing. I would love to share it with you because, although it caused me a good deal of stress at the moment, it really pointed out a great example of how we can miss miracles. We talked about how miracles can often be overlooked because they seem like ordinary things. Today, served an example of how we can lose them in a sea of stress and chaos.
I was returning from one of my many hikes in nature with my mother. Traffic was heavy because it was about rush hour. We were turning from one busy street onto another. As I was turning onto the street, a young man on a bicycle went through the red light and I had to slam on my brakes to miss running him over by mere inches. I honked my horn. The young man, blissfully lacking in care or concern for any accidents he may have caused as well as his own life, did not even turn to look in our direction. My mother and I, on the other hand, had a rather unexpected trip closer to the dashboard and steering wheel than expected. The contents from a craft fair my lovely lady was in shifted greatly.
The rest of the drive to drop my mother off at her house and take me to mine was stressful. For anyone who has almost been in an accident, you know that you get shakes and your adrenaline spikes. My mother was questioning how the young man could be so careless, even after the incident. What we both decided, that it was a miracle that nobody was injured or worse. It would have been his fault, but I cannot imagine the knowledge that I injured or killed someone on my conscious. It was upsetting, and many people would have continued their anger, and rightfully so. That would only serve to continue our stress. We chose to focus on the gratitude that everything turned out for the best.
All of this does not mean we were ignorant to what could have happened. Quite the contrary. By realizing how this could have impacted so many lives and families negatively, only made us realize how much we had to be grateful for. What this did was take us from an emotional state of stress and anger, to one of relief and gratitude. This only helped make our day better. Finding the gratitude in such a crazy situation is a miracle in itself. Focusing on gratitude in a stressful situation is far better for your mental and physical well-being. Stress can drain us and deplete our immune system.
Next time you find yourself in a stressful situation, do your best to find something to be grateful for. It may be difficult at first, but it will save your day and might end up saving your life. Prolonged exposure to stress is the cause of many of our most severe health issues. Anytime you can take actions to reduce stress, or better yet replace it with gratitude, you are doing yourself a favor.
In today’s world, this is a very powerful message! If you are foolish enough to turn on the news, you will hear countless stories of conflict, much of it leading to violent and deadly consequences. This could be crime you see in your nation or even your town. On a grander scale, the events in Ukraine and Israel are broader examples of this.
It does not even have to be such extreme cases. There was a man at one of my books signings that told me about how he would always get so mad on his drive to work listening to talk radio. He was angered with the actions of those “idiots”. Those people, in this case, were people who differed from him politically. I don’t even recall which side of the fence he tended to lean. Not that matters much as the anger and hate is the same on both. You could see his blood pressure start to rise just telling me about it. All of this happened at a book signing for my book titled Living the Dream. I asked him what I thought was an obvious question. “Why don’t you just change the station to something you find enjoyable?” He looked at me as if I was being willfully ignorant. “How will I know what they are up to?” he asked. “What would happen if you didn’t?” I countered. He walked away shaking his head at the foolish author. It is my sincere hope he cracks open the great book he purchased and applies a few of its principles.
It doesn’t even have to be some outside source getting our blood pressure up. Many of us do this to ourselves. How many times have you seen something divisive that someone has posted online followed by an endless string of comments. As you read down the comments, they become more heated and lascivious. It doesn’t even have to be something controversial. No. Even people celebrating victories or sharing something that brought them joy can be subjected to scathing comments. Why people go through the trouble of sharing something negative when none is needed is beyond me. Here is something even more confounding – why do we even respond to these?
In our example of the string of comments, I can promise you that none of those people got anything beneficial out of them. In fact, most of them probably got an increase in blood pressure with a side of cortisol, the stress hormone. Quite harmless in and of itself, but I am guessing that was not the only “discussion” they had that day. Many of them probably continued to think about, and maybe even talk about, how wrong this person was. This only served to get them more upset and experience negative emotions while they were thinking and talking about it.
The crazy thing about all of this is that it is completely unnecessary. Is it that important that you have to be right? Here is another thought to ponder. Do you think it might be possible that due to different life experiences and circumstances a person can have a different, yet equally valid, opinion on an issue than you? Is there a chance that both you and that person could be right? Their opinion being right for them and yours being right for you? Do you think there is room to be friends with someone who doesn’t think and feel exactly like you? Hell, that even happens in my house. Of course we know the answer to all of these is yes.
One more question. If you finally ‘prove’ to the other person that your opinion is ‘right’ or ‘better’ than theirs, was it worth the stress and loss of inner peace to get there? What happens if you do win an argument? Do you get a trophy? A cash prize? No. I will tell you what you get. You get get stress, high blood pressure, a weakened immune system as well as a weakened friendship. For what? Are all of these arguments and needing to be right worth the loss of peace? How difficult would it be to say, “Although I disagree with your opinion, I respect your right to feel that way.” and then move on to a more agreeable topic? Next time we feel the urge to argue a point, or prove we are ‘right’, let us slow down and ask ourselves if it is worth our inner peace.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 