Tag: self improvement

3 STEPS TO A POSITIVE LIFE 😃

Last post we spoke about defeating your demons. Today we are going to talk about a specific demon. That is the demon of negative thinking. Boy is this one a tricky one. I don’t care who you are, it creeps in the mind of everybody. Even the always bubbly coworker who can drive you nuts. On occasion, they have a bad day or a moment of self-doubt. One of the greatest tricks the demon of negative thinking uses is to convince you that having these thoughts in some way makes you a failure. This creates a feedback loop from hell, as author Mark Manson says. You have a negative thought. Then you feel bad about yourself for thinking negative, which makes you feel bad. Then you start to feel bad for feeling bad. On and on the loop can go. That is unless you can stop it!

The million dollar question becomes, “How do we control the habit of negative thinking?” I recommend a 3-step process. That process is – motivation, preparation, and habit. We will quickly tackle these one at a time. They will be expanded on more in my fifth book, Save Yourself. That is not due out until 2025 at the earliest. Being that we want to nip negative thinking in the bud now, let’s dive into our first step of the process – motivation. We need to start the day motivated. If this seems like a next to impossible task, I understand. I wake up for work 6 days a week at 4am. Including Mondays when I DJ until 2am. I understand the challenge of waking up motivated. Another way to state this is to ‘wake up with intent’. Years ago I did a video for my YouTube Channel called “Waking up in neutral” I put the link at the bottom of this post. Ask yourself do you have a written intent you wake up to in the morning? This can be one of the simplest fixes.

Many people picture someone standing on the sidelines yelling and cheering them on when they think of the word ‘motivation’. That isn’t really what the word even means. Motivation means to “have a motive”. First thing in the morning, before the world distracts you, is the best time to set your motive. Actually, embedding it in your mind the night before will allow your subconscious mind to get a jump start on it. I suggest writing out a simple one or two line mantra that will tell your mind the kind of day you are expecting to have. An example might be, “I am going to have a great day. I will learn from every situation in life, even the challenging ones, and I will not let them bring me down.” This is only an example. Write something that is meaningful to you and put it somewhere you will see it. Maybe tape it to the bathroom mirror or by the coffee maker. I suggest saying your intention out loud. Maybe if several times on the morning commute. If you want to take control of your life, it is time to stop waking up on accident and declare your intent for the day.

Now that we have a purpose and intent for our day, it is on to step two. That step, as mentioned above, is preparation. Here is a not so shocking news flash – you are going to have a bad day. You are going to have a day where you feel down. Not so positive there, but it is true. The secret to an amazing life is not to be depressed by this news, but to prepare for it. What does preparing for a bad day or a bout of negative thinking look like? It is creating a list of things that can help you combat the negativity in your life. You may be thinking that you already know things that lift your spirits, and that may be true. When you are in the middle of one of the storms of life, those things may slip from your mind. Having them written down to be able to refer to without thought makes this process easier and more effective. Mine, for example, is going for a walk in nature, watching several of my favorite movies, spending time with certain friends. One of my favorite is listening to music that puts me in a good mood. That is why I recommend creating a ‘Happy Playlist’ in my first two books. Music has a way to rapidly transform our emotional state with just the push of a button. Save a list on your phone, which everyone seems to always have with them. It might not be a bad idea to have a file named ‘happy day’ with a list of the items that can pick you up on there as well. That way you will have the list no matter where you are.

We have set our intention. We are saying it out loud, maybe several times, every morning. We have prepared for the inevitable bad day by creating a list of things that raise our spirits. Maybe even creating a ‘Happy Playlist’ of our own. Now what? That brings us to the third and final habit – habits. Developing habits that serve us is the secret to maintaining a positive life. In my own life, I have a file saved on my phone that is filled with positive affirmations I listen to every morning on the way to work. I have scheduled days that I go to the gym, which helps release endorphins that boost your mood. I make sure to schedule quality time in nature, with friends and of course with my lovely lady. These habits not only reduce the chance of letting life get to me, but unlocking the secret of what to do when it does,

Use this 3-step process in your own life, starting today. We never know when a challenging day, or some negative thinking, will be coming our way. We do know now how we can defeat them and live a more positive life. It is important to remember if we do fall victim to life and feel down, we have not failed. It is a part of life. It may be setting us up for a period of growth. It may be just providing us a chance to practice and strengthen these very practices. Last note, this is an evolving process. You can add to, or change your morning intention. You can add to the list of things that make you happy as you discover new ones. You can tweak and add positive habits as you go along. Life is ever evolving. We should be too.

IN THE COMPANY OF A DEMON 😈

File this post under “Simple to understand but hard to do”. It is still a great thought worth pondering. Something we all know, but could use a good reminder with. No matter what your demons are, be they small or large, this advice applies. Let us say your demon is sugary foods. It would serve you well to not frequent a bakery or places where such items are served. In your house, do not have bags of candy ready to snack on. Instead have carrots, or maybe celery with a little bit of peanut butter. Whatever your fancy may be. Maybe you are striving to be a little more active? Do not hang around people who live sedentary lives. Try parking your car a little further away from the grocery store.

Let us say that you find yourself in embarrassing or dangerous situations when you consume alcohol. You should seek your entertainment somewhere other than a bar or a club. Yes, that might mean giving up a few friendships, but that might be the cost of vanquishing your demon. If, for example, you have a person who enjoys going out and getting smashed, even if they are a good person, you may have to cut them off. Even the friends who can responsibly consume adult beverages, you will have to explain you cannot be around them when they do. Your demon can use your friends, family and peer pressure to continue to keep you enslaved. Do you want to be a slave to your demons, or do you want to take back control of your life? Rather a rhetorical question, but a poignant one never the less.

Your demons will be tricky. They will be crafty. They will use whatever they can to enslave you. If you want to have an amazing life, and defeat many of your demons, you must first declare you will no longer enjoy their company. It will come with some sacrifices. It will be a long and hard journey. It will be worth it. We only have one life. It is worth fighting for.

STEP AWAY FROM THE DRAMA 🔥

Not many things frustrate or surprise me at this stage of my life. One thing that does, however, is adults perpetuate problems by their insistence to participate in them. This often infantile behavior both shocks and perplexes me. If you are in the middle of a bad situation, and you can, step away from it.

I have heard adults say things such as, “After what he said about me, I’m going to tell people things about him!” What?! Is this a childhood classroom? How about you just don’t give them anything bad to say about you? Why even care? I believe in what Frank Sinatra said. “The best revenge is massive success.” Focus on you, your life and making them both amazing. If you are busy doing that, you will have no time to care about what others are saying and doing.

As you saw in the first picture, merely being a part of a bad situation can help it to spread. Think of these situations in your own life. Are there any that you should have stepped away from? Are there any in your life you should step away from now? If you are ever thinking of revenge, remember our friend Frank, and just focus on creating massive success in your own life!

JUST A QUICK REMINDER 🤔

Mid-week and we are looking at a quick reminder. This quote compares excuses with discipline. It is very true. You may think your excuse will get you out of some work, or some stress, but it always comes back to you. Something to think about when you are ready to make an excuse. Do I want to make my life harder later? That is a good question to ask when faced with the decision to make an excuse or to be disciplined and do the work even when you don’t feel like it.

I like this quote even better! I wish it would show the second half of what he said which was, “discipline weighs ounces. Regret weighs tons.” How many of us can testify to that? Think of all the regret you have had in the past over decisions not to be disciplined? The pain of discipline can be intense in the moment. It can be uncomfortable. After the action is done, that pain usually passes. In many cases, it is replaced by a feeling of pride for have remained loyal to your commitments. Regret, however, that beast not only weighs as much as a ton of bricks, it sticks with you for a long time. Sometimes you can carry that heavy load to the grave. Is that the choice you really want to make?

DON’T TRY TO CHANGE THE WEATHER, LEARN TO SWIM

I was listening to Les Brown, one of my favorite speakers today. He said something I think we can all relate to. He said, “In life, you are either going into a storm, in the middle of a storm or just came out of a storm.” That may sound a bit negative, but that does not make it any less true. It seems the storms of life seem to come one right after another. There are moments of sunshine between them for sure, but another one is always around the corner if we wait long enough.

Much like the meteorological storms, we also try to predict the storms in our life. Just like they do on the weather channel, we gather information. We look at patterns and past performances. Much like the conclusions on the weather channel, they are right…some of the time. We might be able to predict the storm, but that does little, if anything, to change the fact the storm is coming. They never try to change the weather on the weather channel. You never hear them say, “Everyone point your fan in one direction so we can pull up warmer air.” Trust me, I have thought of this. Why, in life, do we try to change the weather? We fight against the storms with other people. We fight against change itself. As if we can stop these things from happening.

We can spend an entire life doing our best to avoid or run from the storms in the ocean of life. They will find us or catch up to us at some point. That time would be much better spent learning to swim. What do I mean from that? If you know that eventually you will be in a storm, you really have two options. You can hope that the storm is easy, or that it passes you over entirely. Hope is a redeeming quality, but seldom a good strategy. Your other option is to learn skills that can help you not only survive the storm, but thrive in it. In other words, you can learn to swim.

Many of you might be thinking, “Ok, that makes sense. Next time that I see a storm coming, I will work on the skills that will help me make it through.” Let us return to our analogy of the weather. Does mother nature ever call you to ask, “I plan on raining this week. When would be good for you?” I am not sure how it works in your life, but mother nature must think the time I enjoy rain is when I have an outdoor activity planned. Just like the weather, the storms of life can pop up unexpectedly, at any time.

While being interviewed for the show Positively Milwaukee, I asked the question, “When is the best time to learn how to swim? When you are on the shore or when the boat is sinking?” Little did I know, only a year later I would benefit from my own advice. I had to undergo emergency open-heart surgery. The healthy lifestyle I had been living went a long way in helping me make it through that. Had I waited until I was told that I needed surgery to start living a healthy lifestyle, it would have been too late. The same is true in any challenge of life. The longer you wait to start preparing for the storms of life, the chance it will be too late increases. Start developing your skills today. The storm could come tomorrow. Take that swimming lesson today.

CLICK HERE TO SEE MY APPEARANCE ON THE SHOW “POSITIVELY MILWAUKEE”

ONE DAY AT A TIME ⏰️

This is a great and valuable reminder. All too often in life we spend too much time working on, and focused on the future. I am not saying you should not have plans and goals, but not to find yourself prisoner to them. What on earth does that mean? So glad you asked. Let us say you are trying to write the next best-selling book. (mine is due out in late spring/early summer so stay tuned) If you remain focused on the fact that your book is not finished and how much more you have to do, life will have a very stressful and not so fun feel to it. Instead, do your best to make what you write everyday the best it can be.

If you will permit me to mix my analogies, it is like building a brick wall. If your focus is on how to build the best brick wall it can be overwhelming. If, however, you focus on how to lay the perfect brick each and every time, you will look up one day to find you have built the perfect brick wall. Life is the same way. People are concerned with controlling their future. That is good. The best way to control the future is to make each day the best it can be. If we do that, it is like the brick wall. If we just think about making each day the best it can be, one day we will look up to see we have built the perfect life.

The best part about this way of living is it reduces your stress. If all you focus on is the 24 hours you are given, the burden seems lighter. If you work hard to make each day the best it can be, it often makes tomorrow that much easier. This holds true in your job, your family, your health and nearly every other aspect of your life. Do your best to make today the best it can be. It is your greatest insurance for a better tomorrow.

WANT TO FEEL YOUNGER? TRY TIME TRAVEL!

Isn’t this a nice idea? Want to be younger? Just go back in time! Look at the picture of a young Neil above. Back then I didn’t have any aches or pains. I didn’t feel like taking a nap at two o’clock in the afternoon. I was certainly more flexible. I know what you are thinking, “Neil, time travel is not possible.” Other than certain celebrities who seem not to age, for the rest of us this may be true. Then again, it might not. There was a study, I apologize for not being able to find the exact information, on a group of elderly individuals. They created a town that mimicked everything from their youth. The movie theater showed movies from when they were young. The music they had playing was from their era. The restaurant had dishes that were popular when they were young. What happened? After a period of time, their telomeres lengthened. Those are the the ends of our chromosomes that indicate our aging. Longer telomeres are related to a more youthful appearance and feeling. The question is, how can we lengthen our telomeres, or at least keep them from getting shorter?

According to this study, surrounding yourself with stuff from your youth will help. This idea occurred to me when I found myself listening to some songs from when I was younger. Not only was I taken back to that period mentally, but it seemed to give me a little extra boost. Same can be said for watching movies, television shows and even commercials from when you were young. Have you ever felt that? You watch a movie, listen to some music or maybe even go to a restaurant that reminds you of your youth and suddenly, you start to feel a little younger? Maybe a little spring in your step or smile on your face? That brings us to a few other things you can do to help maintain, or recapture your youth.

If you search about how to lengthen your telomeres on the internet, it will tell you a diet rich in beans, legumes, nuts and seaweed will help. I don’t know about you, but there is only so much seaweed I can eat in one sitting. There are two other activities that I find more enjoyable than sharing lunch with a manatee. The first is brisk walking. Going for a brisk walk is one of the healthiest things you can do. If you happen to walk in nature, there are even more benefits. Now, we learn it can also help make you younger. I can hear my mom celebrating this news as she is reading it. Here is something else that my mom, myself, and I am sure many of you can celebrate as well. Coffee has also been shown to help with the length of your telomeres. Coffee helps you stay young? I was very happy to read this news. I am sure they do not mean the 40 cups a day the author Voltaire drank. I am guessing he did most of his writing sitting on a porcelain throne. For the rest of us, a cup or two a day just might to the trick to keep us young.

Here is the last secret to regaining your youthful spirit. Do your best to surround yourself with young people. People who can find the joy in life. People who can just act silly. People who are young and young at heart. As you can see, I have one silly lady to call my own. Margie always has a silly comment or action that is only a moment away. Conversely, stay away from people who will make you older. You know the ones. The “whoa is me” people. The ones who are always complaining or telling you how awful the world is. There are certain people that after listening to them, you can end up exhausted. Do your best to stay away from those folks. They could literally be sucking the life out of you. Instead, spend more time with people who will make you laugh. People who will always find the good in others and the world around them. It may save your life. It certainly will extend it.

Time travel itself may be a few years off, but with these tips and tricks we can feel young. This will if not add years to our life, add some life to our years! I would love to hear anything you do that helps you feel more youthful.

THE SECRET TO GROWING AN AMAZING LIFE 🌴

Here we are again, talking about daily habits. Why is this such a hot topic lately? It is because, as John Maxwell puts it, “The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.” We have been discussing habits, routines and daily actions a lot here lately. We have seen how a seemingly insignificant action (20 squats) done over the course of enough time (200 days) can have a huge impact. Think of turning on your facet to just barely drip. Then place a glass underneath it. By the time you wake up, you will have a nice glass of water ready to drink.

We have been using this method to accomplish things such as keeping up with a healthy fitness habit. It can be used for things far greater. Let us look at your relationships. This could be coworkers, friends, family or your intimate partner. One of the ideas we gave for sticking with your habit was to set an alarm on your phone to remind you. What if you set an alarm for 5 minutes after you left work to remind you to give your spouse a sincere compliment? What if you set it for 5 minutes before work to remind yourself to show your coworkers signs of appreciation? It may not make a difference in the short-term, but hearing a sincere compliment or appreciation will strengthen and grow that relationship. Trust me, I use this myself. I no longer need to set an alarm, as it has just become part of a daily practice. Still, it doesn’t hurt to have a reminder.

Even if your compliments fall flat. Even if your signs of appreciation may seem…well…unappreciated, the effort will not. Your daily sincere compliments or signs of appreciation, or squats for that matter, are showing that you are trying to bring a better version of you to the table. That will always make you more attractive. Not to mention those squats will do wonders for your backside! Daily habits are the key to success in any endeavor. Think of what daily habits you can use to set yourself up for success!

I DON’T HAVE TIME ⏰️

Be prepared! This post will have some uncomfortable truths in it. We have reached the end of January. Those of us who have set goals for the new year are hopefully still committed to them. If we are not, why is that? One of the top excuses I hear about why people don’t commit to improving their lives is that they “Don’t have time.” Let me fill you in on a little bit about yours truly. With my daily commute, I work 55 hours a week at my day job. I DJ with my beautiful lady on Sunday night. We have had a daily blog for 210 days straight now. I am also working on my fourth book. While doing this, I make it to the gym at least 3 days a week. How can I get all of this done? Easy, it is important to me.

When people tell me they do not have time for things, or that they simply ‘can’t do it’. I answer, “No, you just haven’t made it a priority.” When people say that they can’t be a morning person, I ask them, “If I would give you $1000 every day you woke up at 6am, where would you be at 5:59?” Why could you get up early then? It was a priority. You knew you were going to gain something. Nobody is offering you $1000, but do you know what you could accomplish with an hour of focused activity first thing in the morning? It would be priceless. There is a great book called Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod. Great book. I highly recommend it. In this book, Hal outlines a great morning routine to transform your life.

I can tell you a few things that will change your life if you decide to make your life a priority. How about 15 minutes of reading something informative or inspirational? Multiple that by 260 days if you don’t do it on weekends, and that is a lot of learning. How about 15 minutes of some sort of stretching or exercise? Again, multiply that times 260 and you will definitely see a difference in your body. How about 15 minutes of repeating an empowering affirmation or looking at your vision board? Multiply that times 260 and it will be sure to affect your emotional well-being and state. How about sitting calmly and meditating for 15 minutes? Again, done for 260 days and you will have a great deal of inner peace, less stress, and be better able to handle life’s challenges. You could do all of those things in an hour, 5 days a week and your life would be dramatically improved. We know this to be true. Still, we don’t do it. We may say we are too busy or that we can’t get up early. If we are honest with ourselves, we are not making our life, and ourselves the priority it should be.

This post may hit a little close to home for many of us. Understand it is not coming from a place of judgement, but one of caring. We must make our lives, and ourselves a priority. We must do so now. Why? If we wait until we have a life emergency, it will be too late. Develop a routine to strengthen your life. When life’s challenges show up at your door, as they do for us all, you will be ready and better equipped to face them. It is my sincere desire that everyone develop a sense of urgency for making their life the best it can be.

WINDSHIELD WIPER WISDOM ❄️

Ah, winter in Wisconsin. Not my favorite season. I am more of a beach and sunshine sort of man. Still, there is those strange bits of wisdom that you can only get in the snow. As I was driving to work at roughly 4:30 in the morning, this bit of wisdom was brought to my attention. One of the not-so-great things about living in a cold climate is having to scrape the ice off your windshield before heading out. When start work before the sun comes up, you do not always do the most thorough job. As I was making my way down the street, I noticed there was a bit of ice stuck under one of my wipers. This created a nice streak across the window.

Here is the funny thing about a streak on your windshield. Tell me if you can relate. Whether that streak is right above the defroster, or on the top of the windshield as mine was, it always seems to be right where you are looking. A good 90% of my windshield was clear, yet my eyes kept being drawn to this area where the streak was. It occurred to me this was a great parallel for life. 90% of our life can be going great and all we can fixate on is what is not going great. This is especially true if you have a toothache.

Just like driving in winter, if we are staring at the annoying streak, we will miss all the wonderful beauty there might be around us. If we are focused on what is wrong in our life, we will not appreciate the love, beauty and all that is right within our life. The flip side of this is after the car warmed up and the windshield defrosted, the ice melted and the streak was gone. In life, we must often wait and soon our problems will melt away. I could have also pulled over and addressed the problem sooner. Just like in life, we can take action and addressed the issue that is vexing us.

I hope next time you see a streak on your windshield, instead of becoming annoyed, remember this little bit of wisdom. Perhaps it will remind you to look at all of the beauty in your life and not just fixate on the streaks on the windshield of life.