This is one of my favorite quotes. In any dark situation we find ourselves in, it can be difficult or next to impossible to see any benefits of that situation. Usually, long after it is over, we usually see something the struggle brought to us.
One way thatI have taught myself to speed up this process is to ask myself some empowering questions. These are “what possible good could come out of this?” This can be difficult,especially in the beginning. An even more powerful question is this – “How can I use this?” Even if there seems to be no light to be found in your darkness, you can still use it.
When you suffer through something, be that a loss of someone you love, addiction, abuse or anything else, that gives you a very important gift. That gift is the ability to understand the struggle of someone suffering the same. When we are in the darkness, it can be so helpful to see a hand reaching out and a voice saying “I know, I have been there. ”
Think of some of your darkest moments. Think of how they may have forcedyou to grow. Think of how they provide you the ability to relate to and help others. Don’t just make it through your pain, use your pain! Use to help others, use it to help yourself. It is by doing this we turn the pain into a gift.
An interesting fact about writing books. As an author, I find myself so focused on the one I am writing, I can hardly remember what are in the ones before them. Another interesting thing about being a self-improvement author, is that as you are working on your own personal journey, you often forget some of the tools and strategies you share with others. Both of these things can cause a little grief. On the opposite end of the spectrum, the good thing about writing books, or the many other things I do, is that it is there in writing. You can review it any time you want. Even better, is what happened to me last Sunday. One of your readers can come up to you and remind you of a great lesson, tool or strategy you shared.
One of the people who come to Margie and my show is named Bobby B. He was absent for a while, but stopped in to say hello this past Sunday. Bobby can best be described as a high-energy, slightly enigmatic fellow. He does like Aerosmith and frozen pizza. We have those things in common. He has also read my first 2 books. On this particular Sunday, he reminded me of something I said in the second book, Living the Dream. That the goal of self-improvement or attempting to live an amazing life is not perfection. If your goal is to be positive 100% of the time and never have another bad day again, I have some very bad news for you – you are going to be disappointed again and again.
Bobby reminded me the goal, as I had explained it, is not to live in that state. To work on decreasing the frequency and duration of those negative emotional experiences. We are all going to have days, and events in our life that just suck. Pretending they don’t exist or not exploring our emotions about them will not give us an amazing life. The goal is to fully experience them and find ways in which we can heal in some fashion. A great way is to ask yourself how you can use the pain, anger, sadness or whatever emotion you are feeling. What lesson can you learn from what you have gone through. Can you share your story with others to help them with their pain? Practicing gratitude always helps me get back to living life at the highest vibration.
I am grateful to Bobby B for this reminder. We all have bad days. When we are pursuing living a more loving and rewarding life, bad days can even make us feel like we are failing. This adds a compounding effect to the suck of a bad day or event. We must be gentle with ourselves and understand that bad days and bad situations are often what make us strong and the people we need to be. It also pays to surround yourself with ‘OQP’ as Les Brown calls them. Only Quality People. I read a quote once, I do not recall who said it, but it went something like this – true friends half our sorrows and double our joys. Sometimes talking to a caring friend can make all of the difference. I know when we are feeling down, sharing that with someone else can make us feel like a burden. Remember you are not only giving them the gift of feeling helpful and valuable to you, but you may also make them feel more comfortable to share with you when they are in need.
Bad days are never fun, but they do not mean we failed and we can make them serve a positive service. Sometimes that realization may come after the pain and sadness have passed, but if we can learn a lesson, help others or get to know ourselves better, than that bad day has served a purpose after all.
This is an important and much needed reminder. There are so many of us that work so hard to make the world a better place and bring joy to others. Those same people are often the hardest on themselves. Check your inner conversation. Is it motivating? Recently, I noticed that my inner conversation started to lean a little more to the negative than I would care for. I mentioned to Margie, “I need to work on being more positive.” She gave me a look that showed her shock with my statement. I should have been a little more specific. My outer conversation was still very positive. However, my inner conversation was not. Allow me to give you an example. Winter is always difficult for me. The cold, the lack of life, it all has me feeling down. I decided to add a way to help with this. I decided to appreciate the effort and beauty behind the decorations people put up for the holidays.
On the outside I did pretty good. Whether I was with others, or by myself. I would remark, “Wow! That one looks nice.” or “That must have taken a long time.” I did feel better. That was until my inner voice started talking. I am not sure who that person is, but he didn’t have many nice things to say. I heard the voice in my head say, “That one is sloppy.” and “Why did they even bother to put up decorations if they were not going to take their time?” Here I was trying to find beauty and the holiday spirit and my inner dialogue turned into a holiday decoration critic. Then, I started getting down on myself for being negative.
We must remember that we are human. We must be forgiving and compassionate with ourselves. Especially during this busy season. As a solution to combat my newly negative self-talk, I have begun to listen to positive affirmations on the way to work in the morning. It places positive thoughts in my head before my head can come up with negative ones. Remember to be kind to ourselves the rest of the week. In what ways are you kind to yourself?
Here is an interesting fact about the blog you are now reading. It is followed in about 200 countries. This always excites me. The thought that I can bring joy, motivation and inspiration to someone in a country that I may have never even heard of is a gift that I never tire of. When a new country is added to this extensive list, as is the case with South Sudan in the list above, it gives me great pleasure. It also allows me to research and learn about the country and its people so that I may better serve them with my words and ideas. There are a few countries that I have yet to reach. Greenland and some countries in west Africa such as Mauritania, Western Sahara and Niger. This keeps me motivated. Not only is there more people I can inspire and share ideas with in the world, but even in my own country of the United States, in my own state of Wisconsin and my own city of West Allis.
In this photo, everything in pink and red are countries in which we have viewers of this blog. As you can see, we are close to reaching everyone. This can only be achieved with your help. If you would like to see a more positive and inspired world, here is what you can do to help. Share this blog. Tell all of your friends, family and other people you think could benefit from what we share here. Tell them about secret2anamazinglife.com. Share the blog on all of your social media posts. Mostly, no matter what city, state, province or country you find yourself in, please engage and become a part of this blog. Comment your ideas. Share encouragement. It would be great to hear from everyone around the world. Whether that is Fiji, UAE or right down the street. The more opinions we have, the more people we reach, we can all do our part to change and transform the world into a more positive and loving place for all of us to enjoy.
For my valued friends who regularly comment, like and share this blog. I want to personally thank you from the bottom of my heart. The research, pondering and writing of these posts are done with the intent to make the world a happier and healthier world one soul at a time. I would love to meet all of you and learn where you are from and what you enjoy about what we share here. Let us make 2023 the best year yet!
I am currently reading a book by Pam Grout. In it, she says, “If the thoughts in my head were on a loudspeaker, I would have been committed a long time ago.” This is a statement that holds true for most of us I would think. Can you imagine if everything you thought was broadcast for the world to hear? I also saw an interview between Larry King and a Swami. In it, Larry asks him how it is so quiet in his head. The Swami tells Mr. King that is the natural state of the mind and the rest is just our thoughts about the world. If you think about it, our mind provides a color commentary about the world around us. You can stare at the cars at an intersection and think to yourself, “What a lot of pollution is being put into the atmosphere!” You could also note what a great color that SUV is. Both are true, but would give you a different experience at the intersection.
This is not only true at a red light, it is true every second of every day. Whether you are making observations about the people you work with or the value of the coffee you just purchased from the local coffee shop. Your mind is going every moment you are awake. It reminded me of what you see when watching a sporting event. You have that ‘play by play’ person who gives you a running monologue of what is transpiring between the two teams. This is like the thoughts in your mind. Then you have the ‘color commentator’ who delves a little deeper into certain aspects of what is transpiring. That is like our conscious mind, picking up on whatever thought that mind is spewing. Most of us need to fire the ‘play by play’ person in our head and find a new one. One that describes the world in a more positive light.
Here is something to think about. Think of your best friend. Chances are they have some differences from you. Can you imagine how different your perception of the world would be if you closed your eyes and just experienced the world through the play by play in the head of your best friend? Would theirobservations be exactly the same as yours? I think we can all agree the answer would be ‘no’. Even if we experience the same situations. This is really how our thoughts create our world. It can be hard to grasp the esoteric aspect of the Law of Attraction, when they say your thoughts create your reality. It is far easier to grasp this concept. Let us go back to our example at the intersection. If our play by play of the world around us was telling us about the pollution and how every second those cars were idling, this amount of poisonous gas was being released into the planet, that could be a rather depressing experience. If our thoughts were that way on a consistent basis, the world may seem a dark and bitter place.
This quote from Albert Einstein (a pretty bright fellow at that) was given when someone asked him what the most important question we can ask is. This quote brings to mind the opposite side of the color commentary question. Back to our friend at the intersection. This time he is noticing what beautiful color some of the cars in line are. Perhaps he notices some of the nice landscaping around the buildings are. Before long, he is feeling pretty good. Same situation, entirely different experience. This is not to say that our friend who appreciates a good paint job or a nicely planted bush does not realize that cars emit exhaust, it is just that is not what he chooses to focus on. He has decided we live in a friendly universe as Mr. Einstein would say. In this way, our thoughts go a long way to create our reality.
Today, spend some time listening to the running commentary in your head. How much of it is positive and how much is negative? While deciding to appreciate holiday decorations more this year, I endeavored to do so as I drove along. While pointing our fun looking penguins and reindeer to Margie, a little voice in the back of my head said, “Yes, but some of them look so sloppy.” Here I was trying to focus on something more positive, and that voice in my head was refusing to let go of the negative. Have a meeting with your color commentator in your head. If they are not willing to be more positive, fire them!
What is the secret to an amazing life? We have a whole website dedicated to that very question right here. Recently, we sat down on the Living the Dream with Neil Panosian podcast to discuss 2 of the very best. Learn what these powerful secrets are and how to put them to work in your own life as soon as you finish listening to the episode. Just click the link below to be taken to the podcast!
While you are there, please do me the honor of subscribing. You will then be the first to receive the latest tools and strategies to live and amazing life. Each episode is less than 10 minutes and provides a fun and informative listen. Please join our wonderful community at Living the Dream with Neil Panosian podcast. We would love to have you join our family.
One of my greatest passions is convincing others of the importance of sharing their own story. It is so important and can benefit everyone when we do. The picture above is when I did just such a thing at an author event recently. We sit down on the Living the Dream with Neil Panosian podcast to discuss just such a thing. While listening to this podcast episode, you will learn several amazing things. You will hear some of the remarkable stories these fellow authors wrote about and were sharing at the event. You will understand why it is so vital you share your story with the world and all of the benefits that come by doing so. You will also learn how to do so without writing a single word…if you don’t want to.
It gives me great pleasure to invite you to click on the link below, sit back and listen to the most recent episode of the Living the Dream with Neil Panosian podcast. While you are there, feel free to subscribe. That way you will be the first to get the latest tools and strategies for living an amazing life.
Another post inspired by the late, great Jim Rohn. If you are not aware who he is, I would suggest you look him up. He was a speaker and coach who taught and inspired Tony Robbins, who, in turn, inspired yours truly. This is something I got out of listening to one of Mr. Rohn’s talks on how to master your life. In his example, it was television he spoke about. At the time of the talk, which was given in 1981 if memory serves, the average person was spending 6 hours of their day watching television. To me, this seemed a bit alarming. I cannot imagine sitting in front of the television for that long. After roughly 2 hours of watching a movie with Margie, I am ready to go to bed. That also has a great deal to do with Margie, but that is another post entirely.
Mr. Rohn would then ask people in the audience how expensive their television was. They would give various prices that made sense in the early 80’s. After listening patiently, he told them they were wrong. The television was far more expensive. The cost was the 6 hours of productivity they were losing by watching it. How much is 6 hours a day worth? What if you spent 6 hours a day working on pursuing your passion? Starting your own business? This got me thinking about how we have changed in the last 40 years? Surely we have learned from all of this lost productivity and the cost attached to it. Well…
Remember that 6 hours a day of television in 1981? Let us look at today’s equivalent of the television – the cell phone. According to a study done in 2022, globally, people average 6 hours and 58 minutes of screen time a day. Almost a full hour more than the television in 1981! That figure has increased an average of 50 minutes a day since 2013. At this rate, in another 5 years we will spend half of our day staring at the palm of our head. So much for the theory of evolution. In fact, in the so-called evolved countries, the problem is even worse. In 2022, the average person in the United States spent 7 hours and 4 minutes on their phone! I am as guilty of this as anyone. I often do research, and even write some of these blogs you are reading on my phone. (Fear not, this one was written on my laptop.) If you want some more amusing, but alarming, statistics on cell phone use, read the picture above.
My point here is not to demonize the cell phone. As I mentioned in the paragraph above, they do serve many useful purposes. You can use them for a GPS device to find your way around. You can find out what movie that was that had Will Smith and Kevin James in it and who the leading lady was. (So you don’t have to use your phone it was Hitch and Eva Mendes respectively) The point here is to think about what those 7 hours of your day staring at your hand are truly costing you. Those people who buy a new phone every year (Can’t imagine this myself) think they are spending on average $370 dollars a year ($555 in the U.S.) are underestimating that price significantly. We work 8 hours a day and demand a fair wage for doing so. Yet, we give away 7 hours of our day to a device that not only does not pay us, but cost us countless dollars in cell phone bills, the building of our dreams and memories we could be creating with our loved ones. I don’t know about you, but that is far too much to pay for a cell phone. It is time we make the cell phone cheaper. Not with our wallet, but with our habits.
In my journey to living a healthier lifestyle, one of the greatest challenges is eating better. This has become even more of a challenge in the last few years because I have a lady who is an amazing cook of delicious food in my life. One thing that helps me keep myself in line is this question, “What is the purpose for eating?” In simple terms, the answer is so you don’t die. Everyday for lunch I eat oatmeal. It amazes some, confuses most. I noticed one difference between healthy eaters and those who are…um…less than healthy is that the healthy eaters understand the consumption of food is about fueling the body, while those who are less healthy eat what is fun and tastes good. They view mealtime as a sort of entertainment. That is not to say you should eat bland food at every meal. Ponder what that pound of gummy bears might be doing to your body. Mix in some healthy options and find dishes that both taste great as well as provide fuel for body and brain.
The funny thing is that this is not a post about eating or healthy meal choices. It is about the reason and benefits behind our choices. The question we asked about food is the same we can ask about our viewing. Do we spend hours in front of the television watching reality shows that have very little basis in reality? Do we stream hours of mindless programing on Netflix? Do we spend a large percentage of our day watching cat videos on YouTube? Consuming information can be the same as consuming food. It should not be just an entertainment option, but should also fuel our brains, or even our spirit. Can you imagine how your day would start if you read something inspirational for 10 minutes before you checked your email and social media? How about swapping out one of those reality programs for one on improving your relationships?
I want to make it very clear that I am not advocating eating seaweed and oatmeal for every meal. I am also not saying you should spend all of your viewing time glued to documentaries about the effects of solar radiation on the skin. We need entertainment. That can be on our television or on our dinner plate. I just caution you to understand this should be an exception, not the rule. Our bodies work best when we feed them the proper fuel. So do our brains. There are times we need to relax and watch Dumb and Dumber for the third time. There are times when I enjoy a good pizza. When those cease to be something special and become our norm, we are not feeding our brains or our bodies with the right fuel. That is like having a sports car and putting the cheapest gas in it. Chances are it will not run as well as it should. If that sounds like something foolish to do, why would we do the same thing to our bodies? Let us try to strike a balance between fuel and entertainment. We should work towards putting the priority on fueling our bodies and brains while taking moments for entertainment. That is the secret to an amazing life.
For those of you who know me personally, the title of this post should not be much of a surprise. On any given day, I would rather speak with a dog than some people I know. If you read into the quote, it also fits the author. In this case the dogs that bark are people and situations that cause a distraction. When you are working on transforming your life to one you not only can be proud of, but one you will enjoy living every day, you cannot stop and worry about what Jane said about Susan. You can’t even really worry about the gossip that Jane or Susan may be saying about you.
In 23 years of bartending, and now several years being a DJ, I have noticed there are plenty of people who could fit in the category of barking dogs. If I did stop and worry about all of the people who wish to be detractors, I would have a lot less energy and time to work on improving myself and my life. Add to that, the input I receive from the over 200 countries this website is followed in, and there are countless people with something to say. This is not to say you should not listen to feedback. To me, engaging with people around the globe is one of the best parts about being international. What we should not fall victim to is the ‘keyboard rangers’, as Greg Plitt used to refer to them. Those are the sad souls who spend their lives criticizing from behind a computer screen. These folks are generally not putting in time to improve their own lives and are more focused on tearing down others. Do you think people like Warren Buffett and Jeff Bezos sit down and respond to every negative comment about them? No. They are busy running their respective companies.
Next time you are tempted to respond to ideal gossip or some ‘keyboard ranger’, ask yourself, “Will spending time on this bring me any closer to my goal? By doing so, will it take precious time away from improving my life and my position in it?” There are a lot of people who feel they need to respond to everything that is said and done. Is that not letting your emotions control you? I know there are people who slander you and continue to say negative things. I know you would like to get back at them and get some feeling of revenge. Trust me, it is not worth it and gives them even more power over you. Still don’t trust me on this point? That is fine. I will leave you with the wise words of the singer Frank Sinatra.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 