Tag: self improvement

ARE YOU WEILDING THIS DOUBLE-EDGED SWORD? 🗡

Here is an example why choosing the right partner in life is so important. Recently, Margie and I had a text exchange the revealed an interesting truth that many of us might be struggling with. Margie has been doing an amazing job of living a healthier lifestyle. I am beyond proud of the amazing job she is doing. In doing so, she discovered one of the greatest obstacles to her success. The irony of this obstacle is it was the very thing that enabled her to persevere in many other areas of life. It was, indeed, a double-edged sword.

What was this double-edged sword that my lady both fought with and could also slay any chance she had at being successful with adopting a lifestyle that would allow her to reduce her stress, live longer with her children and grandchildren and have more energy? Her independent mindset. As she so eloquently stated, she never had anyone in her life telling her, “No you should not do that.” This served her in many ways. It helped her to develop the belief in herself she needed to start her own DJ and cake business. When people told her that she might not be able to learn the skills necessary her inner response (and often outer response because that is how my lady works) was, “Nobody can tell me what to do.” This works great for many situations, such as starting your own business. Without it, she might have fell victim to other people’s doubts, limitations and superstitions. It also helped her develop a belief in herself and a sense of independence.

Like many things in life, this independent spirit can be a double-edged sword. If used improperly, it can close our minds to considering and learning anything outside of what we believe to be true. I will also prevent us from changing behaviors that we know deep down are not serving us for fear we will look wrong. Not only to others, but more importantly, to ourselves. Telling ourselves and others, “Nobody is going to tell me what to eat.” or “Nobody is going to make me exercise!” may make us feel powerful. We may even resist doing something we know would be healthier. Why on earth would we do that? If you are using the independent spirit improperly you may worry about doing something they told you to. You may also fear something bigger. The fact that the way you chose to live your life was not the best way. This can be hard for any of us.

To admit our personal identity is flawed, may seem like a failure. I disagree. In my humble opinion, I view as “I am awesome and I just found a way to level up!” As great as any of us are, we cannot know everything about everything. Being stubborn and inflexible may seem powerful, like a mountain. What can wear away a mountain? The most flexible material on earth – water. We must grow and develop. Many times that means accepting the fact that we did not make the best choices in the past. Does that mean you are a failure? No. It means you are getting better.

In many cases of self-improvement, our own worst enemy can be between our own two ears. It can be difficult to overcome a certain mindset. Especially if that same mindset has allowed us to achieve many of our accomplishments. It is a struggle, as my lady will attest to. It involves developing a great deal of self-discipline. This is true freedom. Not letting others master us may seem like the ultimate power. Mastering ourselves, growing and evolving, that is the ultimate power. My lady is doing it. You can too!

THE SECRET THAT IS REALLY NOT A SECRET🤫

Recently, Margie and I attended a wonderful graduation party. I did not know anyone there. As we took our seats, I found myself next to a woman who was several years my senior. She began to talk openly with me from the very first second. Not only was she one of the sweetest souls I have encountered, we discovered many things we had in common. We both enjoyed the Wisconsin State Fair immensely. We also both enjoy reading and began to share some of our favorite books. As so often happens, this took us to sharing our philosophy on life. We came to many common conclusions. One, more than the rest, seemed to stand out to me and I would like to share it with you today.

There are a few things in life, that when we pay proper attention to them, can impact nearly every area of our life. With just one simple tweak to these areas, we can radically transform how we experience our time on this planet. One that I think everyone may overlook, or that the very least take for granted, is our perception. What I mean by that is the meaning we give every situation in life. Inky Johnson, one of my favorite speakers, puts it this way, “Perception drives performance every day of the week.” meaning how you view what you do, will determine how you do what you do. Feel free to slowly read that last line again. This may be hard to follow and even harder to believe, but I am going to give you a few examples that really drive the point home.

One of the books we both thought had a powerful impact on our lives was this one. Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. Viktor was a phycologist who was a prisoner in a concentration camp during World War II. To read what this man went through is enough to break your heart. How he managed to make it through was by finding a positive purpose in that journey and immersing himself in it. When I reach a challenging point in my life, I think of a man who was able to make it through one of the most hellish circumstances that a man can be put through. If he could make it through that, how am I to complain about car trouble, or not seeing eye to eye with a friend. Yes, those both can be frustrating situations, but when compared to surviving a death camp, it feels a little foolish to become to upset about them.

I mentioned Inky Johnson earlier. Inky was a football player who was only games away from being drafted into the National Football League. During that game, he made a tackle and through no fault of anyone, lost use of his right arm and hand. He was planning to help his family put and end to generational poverty but was now facing a dilemma of how he could support himself, much less anyone else. To have a dream you have chased since you were 7 years old crushed right before it was about to happen would be soul-crushing enough. To have it happen right after you inform your family you are going to be able to lift them out of a state of poverty would be more than most of us could handle.

Through his faith, Inky understood that he was being redirected. He is now one of the top motivational speakers in the world, and as you can see in the photo above, an author as well. He not only has earned a fair sum and has a career that will outlast any he may have had on the football field, he has also changed and positively impacted countless lives. This is a reward he would not have had if he had not been injured and, more to the point, if he had given up. His accent on why he did what he did, allowed him to continue to push forward and not give up. His perception did truly drive his performance.

What we believe about life and how we view life, will go a long way in determining how we live our life. If we view every obstacle as proof our life was not meant to succeed, then that is what shall be. We will live feeling defeated and beaten down. If we view them as life providing us opportunities to grow stronger, then we will feel as if we are growing with each obstacle we face. The same thing can be said for ‘Failure’. Some of us may view it as a defeat. Others may view it as a stepping stone to success. You can imagine both viewpoints would lead to not only a different emotional state, but different actions being taken. I suggest you not only get your hands on a copy of Viktor Frankl’s book, but take a hard look at your perception of life and how it is impacting the way you live.

TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE 🍎

A few posts back we stressed starting more positive conversations both online and in person. We put forth that sharing with each other why we love one another, or at the very least, what we find admirable, would be a great start. Considering that randomly asking people, “What do you like best about me?” Can be difficult for some people. Not me, but then again I am not like most people. I have come up with another question I am going to both ask you, my readers, and suggest you do the same through your social media and in your personal conversations. I am going to share my answers with you in this post, and I would love to read yours in the comments below.

The question is a two-part one, but a simple one. Who was your favorite teacher you have had and what did they bring to your life? Margie and I shared our answers with each other last night over dinner. It was funny how each of us was affected by different teachers for entirely different reasons. It was also nice reflecting on people who have made a positive impact on our lives. I also learned some things about my beautiful lady and what really touches her and what she values in people. A pleasant side-effect to this conversation.

Now for my answers. My favorite teachers inspired me in many different ways. There were no Cameron Diaz Bad Teacher, type moments. No, my teachers inspired me in both positive and negative ways. Some of these happened in the moment, some happened in reflection. Let us start when I was young. Shall we?

One of the first teachers I remember having a fond interaction with was in my 3rd grade class. This teacher was big on having us write stories. She was constantly complimenting me on my ability to write a good fictional story. She even kept some of mine as examples to use in the future. This was very helpful to boost a young man’s self-esteem. It shall be noted, however, that out of my 3 published books, none are fiction. The second teacher from when I was young was my 5th grade teacher. She was big into reading to us. Something that Margie remembered about one of her teachers as well. One day she lost her voice and guess who she picked to read to the class? Yep, yours truly. For 2 whole days I stood in front of the class and read a book called Owls in the Family. The class was ruthless in their review. Although I was able to read quite well, I was not the teacher, who had read the book several times and did different inflections for each character. It was one of my first experiences in public speaking. It also turned out to be my first experience in being heckled. Good to get both of those out of the way when we are young.

There was only one teacher in middle school that I recall having an impact on me. Her name was Ms. Bede. She taught both business management and short-hand. Two subjects I was fairly certain I would not need in my future endeavors. Although in hindsight, the first might have been a little helpful. She was a sweet little lady. Reminded you of someone’s grandma. For that reason alone, I think she had everyone’s respect. What I enjoyed about her is that she really seemed to care. She was constantly on my case about paying better attention. After assuring her I had no desire to be a court reporter so I had limited use for short hand in my life, she gave me words of wisdom I remember to this day. “Young man, I suggest you pay less attention to socializing with the young ladies and more to your homework. Do you think in the future people will be paid to just talk about themselves?” I wonder if Ms. Bede has ever watched the Kardashians?

In high school, I had several teachers who made an impact on me. First one I recall was my physics teacher, Mr. Velk. When asked why we should pay attention to physics, his answer made sense to me. “Let us suppose you are on a roof on a windy day and want to throw a rock and hit someone in the head with it. Wouldn’t you like to know what angle and how hard you would have to throw it?” Not exactly the most noble of pursuits, but it taught me to find the practical application for whatever I was learning. There was also my history teacher, Mr. Hein. His passionate zeal for the subject, and often colorful and racially insensitive language, really made history come alive. The teacher the year before had just repeated dates and facts in a monotone. He also had really bad breath.

That leads us to my final example. My senior year teacher in the subject of English. We often butted heads. I could not understand how knowing what a dangling participle was, and how many levels the story Paradise Lost was told on, could improve my chances for a better life. To this end, it was questionable as to whether or not I would pass this class, and thus graduate school itself. It was what she said to me on the final day of school that, upon reflection years later, would impact me. After signing some generic thing in my yearbook, she looked me right in the eye and told me, “I pray to God you will never have a career in writing.” In her defense, I would have told that version of myself much the same thing. Still, 3 books and almost 2000 blog posts later, here we are. Never let anyone, even an authority figure, tell you what you can or cannot do.

The point here is that there are no bad teachers. I view teaching, just below being a parent in the field of noble careers. To be able to impact the lives of young people is something I respect and admire very much. There were many great teachers that I have had in my life time. I have touched on just a few and only stuck to the field of professional teachers. Yet, if we are honest with ourselves, doesn’t everyone have the opportunity to teach us something? I would love to hear about teachers who have made the most positive impact in your life.

ASK YOURSELF THE MILLION DOLLAR 💵 QUESTION. 💰

In this crazy, fast-paced world of ours, everyone seems to be working to get ahead. Does that sound like you? Have you ever found yourself working until you are exhausted? After that have you wondered to yourself, or maybe even out loud, if it is all worth it? Perhaps you even questioned what it is all for? Do not worry. You are not alone. Those can be powerful questions to ask ourselves, if we use them correctly. Still, there is one question that we should all be asking ourselves that would not only reduce those feelings of stress, worry and burnout, but help us feel refreshed, driven and accomplished.

What is that question? I call it the Million Dollar Question. The reason that I call it that, is because the benefit it has to our life is priceless. I have spoken about this in one of my YouTube Videos, and even dedicated a section to it in my book, Living the Dream. We took a look deeper into it on my podcast, Living the Dream with Neil Panosian. While I recommend you check out all of those, I will even post a link for the podcast episode at the bottom of this post, I am going to make it even simpler for you. I do this for 2 reasons. The first one should be obvious. We began this post by talking about how busy everyone is. What better way to help us live a positive rewarding life, than taking a complex idea and shortening it down to one question. The second reason is that a lot of people, my mother being one of them, had a problem with the way the idea was presented.

The video, the section in the book and the podcast episode advocated writing your own eulogy. It struck a lot of people as too morbid. Personally, I think it was a very healthy, albeit sobering, idea. We are all going to have a eulogy about us when we die. They are complex and difficult things to write. Trust me, I have given 5 of them in my life already. The purpose of the exercise was two-fold. One, it reminded us how fleeting life could be. I have already died once, and I am only 47. Good thing I came back because I didn’t have a good draft done yet. The point is, we never know when life may take us. The other point is the one we are going to address today. That is, what we will leave behind. I am not talking about material possesions, but the lessons. How will we have made people feel? Will we have done anything to help the greater good of our family, our community or the greater good?

I can imagine reading that and thinking, “Neil that is great, but it sounds like several questions to me.” You would be correct. We can simplify all of this down to one question you should ask yourself whenever you are feeling lost, do not know which way to go or even feeling burnt out. What is that question? I was beginning to wonder if we would ever get to it myself. The Million Dollar Question, as I call it, is this – What do I want to be remembered for? This may be a little less emotionally triggering than writing a eulogy. It is surely something that can be answered in the moment when we are facing making a difficult decision.

I suggest using this question in 2 ways. First, sit down with a pen and paper and give yourself some time to think. Write down many things that you want to be remembered for. Think of every area in your life. What kind of worker do you want to be remembered as? What kind of friend do you want to have a reputation of being? How about to the people who matter most, your family? How will they remember you. Write as much down as you can. There are no right or wrong answers. Then keep that paper somewhere safe. I suggest looking at it once a week at least. Perhaps on Monday to focus the week. Friday would be a good day to reflect and see if your actions the previous week would lead to you being remembered as you want to be.

The second way to use this is to ask yourself this question throughout the day. It will help guide your actions to be the person you want to be. Ask yourself when facing a difficult decision. Knowing who you want to be may help you make the correct, and sometimes difficult, decision. Maybe even write it down on an index card and carry it with you. Set it as an alarm on your phone to remind you to think of it at least once a day. How about you? Who do you want to be remembered as? I cannot wait to hear your answer.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO MY PODCAST ON THIS SUBJECT

TRUST THE PROCESS 🤗

In the self-improvement field, you often hear that you should “trust the process”. This loosely means that you should somehow believe that everything is going right, when it appears everything is going wrong. There is both a right way and a wrong way to do this.

Trusting the process does not mean ignoring what is going wrong. Just assuming everything is going right to the detriment of learning from what is wrong is a recipe for disaster. The right way to trust the process involves the conviction that the end result will be positive and the current challenges are there to teach and strengthen us, not to stop us.

This is also what happens when people study the Law of Attraction. I have heard people watch the movie The Secret, and walk away thinking all they have to do is wish for something and it will happen. First, that is not what the movie, or the law of attraction, says. Second, that is not how to put your mind, and the laws of the universe to work for you.

Trusting the process, especially while using the law of attraction, involves visualizing your specific goal, feeling and knowing it will be reached (Trusting the process) And looking for inspired actions you should take. It is having that faith that things will turn out OK, as you work towards making them so.

Some great ways to increase that faith, and the ability to trust the process, are seen in the first picture. I would love to hear some of your methods for trusting the process.

WEDNESDAY MIRACLES 😇

Today is one of my favorite days of the year! It is the first day of summer where I live. I love the warm weather and sunshine. Where I live, both of those are in short supply most of the year. It is also Wednesday. This is a day where many of us may be starting to wear down a little. We have spent too many days getting up early and leaving our family to go to work at a place that may not feed our soul as much as we would like. Even if we love our job, the stress can start to get to us as our responsibilities pile up.

Here is a simple formula for keeping the smile on your face and the pep in your step. Find miracles. That is not so hard is it? I can see many of you staring at your screen with either a confused or somewhat condescending look on your face. “Yeah sure Neil, there are miracles around every corner of my life. I’ll just start writing them down.” That may be said with a degree of sarcasm, but it is actually true. Before you are tempted to tune me out entirely, ponder this. How, when you literally pass thousands of motorists in a month, do you not get in an accident? You may offer that you are a good driver, and perhaps you are, but what about everybody else? What do you think the odds that someone would not be paying attention, driving recklessly, or maybe even under the influence? Out of the thousand motorists you pass, I would say there are several. Yet, you still remained safe. How about how many germs you come in contact with everyday? A quick search on Google will tell you that number sits at roughly 60,000. That is a lot of germs. We are not sick everyday. That is a miracle. Think of these odds. There are between 100 and 300 million sperm at the time of conception, yet, here you are! You won that lottery.

These may seem like we are looking at life through rose-colored glasses, but it does not make any of the mentioned facts less true! How many cracks in the sidewalk do we make it past without tripping? How about being fortunate enough to have access to a blog post written by a very charming author who could be halfway around the world? Only a few years ago, this would have been unheard of. These are all miracles. Take note of them. In my life, I often think it is a miracle that my beautiful lady has the patience to not only stick with me, but to love me as well. It is a miracle that Margie does not run away when she sees my Albert Einstein/Don King hair style first thing in the morning.

Here is my suggestion. Take note of 3 miracles you see in life, be it your own or others, and write them down every Wednesday. See the difference it will have in how you approach the rest of your life. Writing them down accomplishes two very important things. First, it forces us to slow down and think of them. Second, it gives us a great list to refer back to when we need a little lift. Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to celebrate the miracle of warm weather in Wisconsin.

REWIRE YOUR BRAIN 🧠

It can be so frustrating when you are doing your best to live a calmer and more loving life and people do their best to challenge that. You can bite your tongue one time, but the next time you just remember how much it hurt. Not only that, but people can be so thoughtless and really push us. You may even ask yourself, “What is the point of trying to resist acting on my anger when I can’t do it all of the time?” That is a fair question. One, every time that you do manage to do it, you end up with less hurt feelings on the other side and less to apologize for later. As the picture above says, you are also working on rewiring your brain.

If you take the same path in the woods everyday, and then you choose to change it up for a week, the second path will not be nearly as worn in as the first. Similarly, if you have been a slave to your emotions for years of your life, and now you are trying to take control of them, the path in your brain for reaction will be a lot more worn in than the one for intelligently responding. It takes practice and, on occasion, we may slip and go down the more familiar path. Give yourself some compassion. It takes a long time to rewire a house. Can you imagine rewiring a machine with over 86 billion connections? That is how many neurons are in the average brain. They make up our ‘wiring’.

Doing your best to rewire 86 billion connections not enough motivation for you? Think of this – those people disturbing your peace would love to see you lose control. In fact, sometimes that is all they are after. By maintaining control and responding instead of reacting will infuriate them like nothing else. Done enough times and they might give up trying to upset you all together. What if you fail and let them get to you? Just remember, they may have won the battle, but the war is still yours to win. Use that feeling of frustration and failure to motivate you to keep control next time. As the picture above says, “Someone out there is holding their breath waiting for you to fail. Make sure they suffocate.” You don’t actually want to kill anyone, but killing off their desire to upset you would certainly help you live a more calm and peaceful life.

Keep doing your best to resist giving into anger. You are not at the mercy of your emotions, you are their master. That does not mean you should turn into a cold and unfeeling person. It means you should learn how to use and channel every emotion you experience. Both the good and the seemingly bad. I used the word seemingly because you can use them as well. Have a lot of anger? Go to the gym and get a great workout in. Feeling sad or down? Use that to reach out and connect with friends. Feeling lonely? Perhaps you could make friends with a stranger who could also use some company. Feel your emotions, just remember to master them as well.

CREATE THAT BALANCE!⚖️

Our lives are a constant balancing act. We must make sure to balance enough self-care and relaxation with our efforts to create and maintain the life we desire. That equation changes daily. Some days we work more and some days we recharge more.

One temptation on the weekend is to throw that scale 100% in the direction of relaxation. After all, you did just work hard all week right? I am one for making the most out of the time we have for recharging. Especially after we earn it. Just as spending all of our time working is not healthy for us, neither is 100% relaxation.

Working all the time without recharging will lead to burnout and a host of physical problems. Spending of our time on leisure activities will lead to us falling behind on our dreams and leave us feeling frustrated and even disappointed in ourselves.

This weekend, just do one thing that will bring you closer to your goals. Remember, most people do not work on the weekends. If you want a life that is more amazing than the average person, you will need to put in a little work. I would love to hear what one thing you will do this weekend to bring you closer to your goals!

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?🤔

It is so important to take time to reflect on our life and where it is going. Thursday, is a great day for that. I would love to hear on what you are reflecting on this Thursday.

THE UNEXPECTED BENEFIT OF BEING FILLED WITH LOVE ❤️

Being filled with love has so many benefits. It may sound like a fluffy, new-age way of living, but it is much more than that. One, it helps everyone you come in contact with feel better. Even if you are someone who doesn’t care much about the people around you, although I doubt you would be reading this blog if you were, there is a benefit to you when they do. Do you know what happens when you make everyone around you feel good about themselves and life in general? They usually return the favor. Imagine doing this for a while and then you have a rough day. Suddenly, everywhere you go, people are kind to you and wanting you to feel good. Your rough day stands a very good chance of improving. Trust me, I have been there.

Another benefit to being filled with love, is that life seems a lot more beautiful. Remember how it felt when you first fall in love with someone? Nothing seems to bother you. Everything seems brighter and more amazing! Now, I am not advocating being someone who falls in love with a new person everyday. No, I am advocating falling in love with life! A great way to do this would be finding as many things as you can to be grateful for! Before you know it, your heart will be filled with love! Again, I have experienced this personally, and it is a great feeling!

One of the best benefits of smiling is that it confuses those who would rather not see us smile. It could be the office gossip. Maybe the fellow who insults something we passionately believe in. How about the customer that that unfairly treated us harshly at our job? Nothing confuses these people, and sometimes drives them crazy, as much as our ability to maintain our happiness despite their attempts to steal it. We can do so by practicing what we have learned in this blog, and the two prior. Fill our hearts with love. Make sure we spend enough time on self-care. Make sure we keep the key to our happiness in our pocket. Have reminders of what we have to be grateful for everywhere. A picture of who we love as the screensaver on our phone. A picture of the vacation we are using our job, and therefore that customer, to save up for. How about reminders of our families, friends and the people and things we enjoy? That will keep us filled with love.

Keeping our hearts filled with love will not only make our life better, it will confuse anyone who is trying to make the world a less loving place. Being able to maintain that love when they challenge it, is not only confusing to them, but will drive them crazy. Want to take it a step further? When someone treats you harshly, or is negative, treat them with love. It will not only fill you with a feeling of pride that you were able to overcome their negativity, but prevent you from feeling the regret of sinking to their level. Who knows, it may even start them thinking how much happier they could be if they were filled with love like you!