Learn a secret to creating an amazing life that is in front of you all along. You will not only discover this secret, but learn how to put it into action!
All you have to do is click on the link below or listen to “Living the Dream with Neil Panosian” podcast wherever you find your podcasts.
I mentioned the book I am currently reading in an earlier post. Where I cannot assume you read that post, the title of the book is Happiness is a Choice you Make by John Leland. It was recommended to me by a dear lady whom I had met at a graduation party. She was someone whom I had never met, but we conversed the whole time I was there like old friends. I am hoping I have the opportunity to thank her for such a great recommendation. The book covers 6 of the ‘oldest old’. That is to say people who are above the age of 87. Which I learned, is one of the fastest growing demographics in the United States.
In the section I am currently reading, the author is talking with a couple who are in their 90s. They found each other at the nursing home where they both live. The dynamics of their relationship is so fascinating to me. One of the aspects that makes it work is a great secret that all of us could use in our own relationships. This secret works not only in romantic relationships, but friendships, business relationships or relationships of any kind. If you don’t manage this secret properly, it can lead to what poisons a great deal of relationships. If you do learn, and are able to master this, it will give your relationship an advantage others simply don’t have. Both parties will feel happier and more confident with the relationship.
That is what we do here at Secret2anamazinglife.com. We teach you secrets to have an amazing life. One of the biggest factors of the quality of life is the quality of your relationships. Learning how to improve them has a positive impact on every area of your life. What is the secret the couple in the book practice that we all could put into use in our own lives? Learning to not only give, but receive. That second part especially. Independent people often want to do everything themselves. This is not necessarily a bad trait. When you are in a relationship, it can leave the other party feeling both a little unneeded and unwanted. If someone offers to say, get you a cup of coffee, and you always reply “I can do it myself.” It will not only leave the other party feeling as though they lost an opportunity to do something for you, but done long enough, they may stop offering all together.
This is a tricky balance. We often to want to feel like a burden to our partner or friend, but we certainly want to give them an opportunity to feel as though they did something for us. Think if the roles were reversed. How would you feel if you were able to do something that would either help, or bring joy, to your partner or friend? You would feel good I would imagine. Why would you deny that good feeling to someone else? Have you ever looked at it this way? It may seem that one party is taking and one is giving in this equation. The truth is, they are both giving. One, the act of service. The other, the opportunity to provide that service. If you follow this up with appreciation, you actually get to give twice by receiving. How crazy is that? The other party feels good that they were able to do something for you, and they feel good that you let them know you appreciate what they did.
The picture above is me and my silly lady. We practice this secret daily. It is not always easy as we both love to do things for each other. We must remember that we like the other party to feel needed and appreciated. In fact, we love appreciating each other. One of the worst things you can do in a relationship is ‘keep score’. The thought that “Hey! I do a lot more for them than they do for me!” is poison to a relationship. You are actually providing them an opportunity to appreciate you and they are providing an opportunity to feel that you matter and serve a purpose in the relationship. Appreciation for your partner and all that they do is key in this equation. It is true that you never want to feel useless, or that you don’t serve a purpose in a relationship. You also never want to feel taken for granted.
Let your partner know that you appreciate everything they do for you. Give them an opportunity to do things for you, even if you can do it for yourself. This is not only a secret to an amazing relationship, but to an amazing life.
This is a big one! There are countless people who stifle themselves because of the opinions and actions of others. I have seen and heard it many times. I am sure you have too. “I would write this book, but my husband told me it is a waste of time.” Between being a bartender and a DJ, I have seen many people decide to quit drinking and going to bars because it does not serve them, or their live in a positive way. When others see this, they see things such as, “They are not fun anymore.” or “Remember when you used to hang out?” Plus, my favorite, “How come you do not have fun anymore?” This somehow translates drinking alcohol and being in a tavern as the only source of fun.
Whenever you are trying to make a positive change in your life, you will make some people uncomfortable. This could be for a variety of reasons. Two of the most prevalent are as follows. First, they often feel bad about their own condition. In our case of the person who leaves alcohol behind, their friends may, consciously or subconsciously, realize that they too would be better off with less imbibing. They realize their friend is making a decision that will improve not only their health, but their life as well. This may make them feel bad about the life decisions they are making. Instead of doing something to better themselves, they take the easier bath of lashing out and putting down their friend.
The second reason, which is even more common, is that people fear being left behind. Our example about the wife wanting to write a book and the husband not supporting her is such an example. Obviously, the husband should love and support his wife in something that she is really passionate about. In this case, he may fear that if his wife becomes a best-selling author, she will leave him behind. These sorts of reactions have more to do with the self-confidence of the other party than with your evolving. People fear if that are unable to evolve to the level their partner, spouse or friend does that they will be left behind. This should be source of motivation to better themselves or at least to share these feelings with the other party.
In your life, do not allow others to make you feel uncomfortable for wanting to evolve and better yourself. Go forth with the knowledge that by doing so you will make others uncomfortable. Do it anyway. If you notice this happening, you may want to reassure them, or invite them to evolve with you, but whatever you do, please do not let it stop your growth.
I want to share a story about a farmer with you. There was a young man who wanted to be a farmer. He thought it would be an easy endeavor. “All you do is plant the seed and the crop comes.” He believed all he would have to do was work one time and he would reap the rewards as long as the crop grew. He bought some seeds and quickly put them in the ground. Then he proceeded to relax in the knowledge that soon the crop would come and he would be rich.
A few days went by and there was no crop to speak of. Concerned the young farmer went out and dug up the seeds to see why they were not growing. The few he found had not even sprouted. He put them back in the ground and began to impatiently wait some more. A few more days; still no plants. He decided the seeds he had got where no good and went back in town to complain to the seed store where he had purchased them. “Those seeds were just fine.” the man behind the counter informed him. “Farmer John bought the same seeds and already has a crop coming in.” Informed he would not get his money back, he decided to start bad-mouthing the store and its owner to everyone in town. Within a few minutes he ran into farmer John. “What kind of soil did you plant those seeds in? Was it properly tilled?” farmer John asked him. The man said he had just placed the seeds in the land behind his house. “Did you at least water and fertilize them?” Farmer John asked. The young farmer looked down as he confessed ignorance to knowing that he was required to do that. “Oh yes. Not to mention you must look out for the weeds and the insects that will come to ruin your crop once it starts growing.” farmer john offered. The young farmer just walked away meekly complaining about the bad seeds he was sold.
This farmer may sound like a complete idiot. Perhaps he should have learned about farming and what was involved before getting started. He should have not have been looking for the easy way out. Before we pass judgement on our young farmer friend, let us make sure we do not have more in common with him that we think. How many of us are looking for an opportunity to take the easy road in life? Whether that is playing the lottery, hitting up the casino or buying into some get rich quick scheme? Maybe we even think starting our own business is the way to riches.
For every budding entrepreneur, there are a million who dive in planting seeds without testing or tilling the soil. That is, they start businesses without knowledge of what is really involved. They do not develop their own self-discipline and work ethic. They do not craft a solid business plan. They do not research markets and set a good foundation. They also are not patient to understand the time it may take to succeed. They are like our young farmer digging up seeds they just planted. They move from one opportunity to another. They also do not take the time to invest in their endeavors. Putting in the effort. They think they can just put in effort one time and it will succeed. This makes no more sense than skipping the watering and fertilizing like our young farmer. What about preparing for those pesky weeds and insects? In every endeavor we embark on, there will be challenges and people who will be obstacles on our path to success. If we are not prepared for that, it will destroy our crop as farmer John warned.
How about you? Are you taking all the steps necessary to be a successful farmer? Are you setting a foundation to make sure your undertaking has the best possibility to succeed, or are you just starting anywhere? Once you have begun, are you willing to put in the work even after you start seeing results? How about those insects and weeds, or negative people and challenges, that will show up? To you have a plan in place to deal with them, or will you let them destroy your crop you have worked so hard on? Be a smart farmer. Be like farmer John.
*Side note – my grandfather’s name was John and he was a farmer as a young man.
Today marks a milestone on this site – 2000 posts. We are also on a 373 day streak! There is something that gives us cause for optimism. We started this blog in 2012. We reached 1000 posts in 2020. For those we don’t care to read and do math, that makes 8 years to reach 1000 posts. From 2020 to 2023 We have doubled that! It only took us 3 years to reach the second 1000 posts.
We have also increased engagement. We have more views,more comments and more guest posts. It is your ideas and feedback that keep this website exciting. It also helps a great deal if you share this motivation with your friends and neighbors. Help them improve their lives so you will be surrounded by happy, driven people.
With 2000 posts, there may be something you missed. We have shared a lot of great ideas in the past 11 years. I encourage you to take a look back and read, or reread, a lot of the great content here.
Once again, I thank you for being a part of this wonderful journey with me. I look forward to sharing and serving you all for years to come!😃
There are many times when I hear such things as “Monday is hard.” Yes, it sure is. Having to leave one’s family and go to work can be a difficult decision. It can be a struggle. Especially if the weather is poor and we have not had enough sleep. How can we stay dedicated to our goals when it would be a lot easier to call in to work and stay in bed? How can we stay committed to our fitness goals when it is so easier to just eat that delicious pizza or tacos? We could do both, and anything else we are trying to accomplish by understanding one principle.
Not to ruin it for you, but the answer is in the quote from Jim Rohn up above. Hard work is well, by definition, hard. Saying no to staying in bed and sleeping is hard. Do you know what else is hard? Being fired for not working hard or not showing up. That is hard. Not having enough money to pay our bills is hard. Being embarrassed to seek help from family and friends just to get by. That’s hard. Having people think we are a loser because we can’t get out of bed. Thinking the same thing about ourselves. Those are hard.
Same holds true in our diet and fitness realm. Saying no to the free doughnuts in the breakroom, that is hard. Going to the gym in freezing weather when we could be tucked under the blanket? Quite hard. Doing it when you have a beautiful blonde to snuggle up to? Very hard. Trust me on that one. Do you know what else is hard? Having elevated blood sugar and cholesterol. Being at greater risk for heart attack and death. That is hard. Having more aches and pains and running out of breath. Hard. Possibly leaving your loved ones behind at an early age? That is not only hard for you, but for them as well.
We may think staying in bed or eating that doughnut is the ‘easy’ or ‘painless’ solution. It might be at the time. What we must realize is that everything has a cost. What may seem difficult in the moment, the pain of discipline, will make our life easier in the long run. What seems like ‘giving in’ or the easy solution, will cost us much more in the end. That is the pain of regret. As Mr. Rohn pointed out, discipline weighs ounces, regret weighs tons. Think of what pain you are suffering.
With a website called Secret2anamazinglife, I am asked countless times, “What is the secret to an amazing life?” It is not really one secret. In fact, none of this is secret. A little effort will open up to you a world that contains magic we were previously unaware of. I know this is hard to explain waiting at a red light, in line at a coffee shop and, believe it or not, once while attending to some business in a men’s room. In the world we live in, people want a quick answer. Some ‘magic pill’ that will turn their life around. We have good news and bad news on that subject.
First the bad news. In the big pharma based world we live in, there is no life-transforming pill. At best, there will be one that chemically alters you to be in an emotional state to better approach, or care less, about your problems. Drugs, alcohol and even food can be used to mask and compensate for the pain of life. Very inspiring so far, isn’t it? I told you there was good news. There is one thing that can radically transform your life, and do so quickly. How do I know? It worked in mine. That one thing is gratitude.
I know. I know. You have heard it a million times. Being grateful is the key to success. Oprah says it. Steve Jobs said it. Tony Robbins said it. How can just being thankful for everything you have it life, including the challenges, make such a difference? Look at the first photo in this post. Gratitude can affect many areas of our life. Here is what I am going to tell you about gratitude. Don’t believe me. Here is how I discovered the power of being grateful. I was challenged to do a gratitude journal for 30 days. I accepted the challenge with the intent I would show this person that it would not work for me. By the end of one week I felt something, but I didn’t know what it was. By the end of two weeks I was feeling happier and looking forward to life more, but it could have been a run of good luck. By the end of 30 days I was so happy that I was annoying myself.
What happened when I was in this divine state? I was in a terrible car accident. I went through the windshield and woke up in the hospital. It was as if the universe was either testing my resolve or showing me how powerful this gratitude thing could be. If you want to hear the whole story, I suggest reading my book, A Happy Life for Busy People. To say that being grateful helped me through one of the most trying times in my life would be an understatement.
Don’t take my word for it, or the science that gave us the facts above. Prove it to yourself. I am going to put forth the same challenge that was given to me. Keep a gratitude journal for 30 days. All this means is writing down at least 3 things you are grateful for everyday and why. You can do this in a spiral notebook. You do not have to tell a single soul you are doing it. Be prepared to be asked what changed in you though. By the end of 30 days, if done faithfully, you will know why I consider gratitude the ‘magic pill’ of life transformation. If you want to know more about the power of gratitude exercises, read my book, Living the Dream. I look forward to hearing from all of you who take up this challenge. If you are interested in picking up a copy of any of my books, just click the link below.
A few posts back, I shared a great insight I had received from my new friend and teacher CJ. As an example of how important surrounding yourself with the right people can be, I would like to share another amazing nugget of self-improvement gold I get from him. This tool is only four words long, but can transform your way of thinking and thus, your way of approaching life.
Four words to change your life? Really? Like many of the tools and strategies in my first two books, this one is customizable, but I am going to relay it to you the way CJ told me. He came across this idea of measuring his actions and patterns against four words that represented his values. The four words, or four H words, were honest, hungry, hone able and humble. When a challenge arises, he reviews it through the lens of these four words. Is he being honest? This could be honest with others, but what about being honest with himself? Honest about his motives? Honest about his intentions? Hungry is a good one. Les Brown says hunger is one of the most powerful forces in the human spirit. Napoleon Hill calls it ‘burning desire’, but it amounts to the same thing. You must passionately pursue that which you are chasing. This holds true not only for career and financial goals, but what about your relationships? If you are not continuously hungry for that love between you and your partner, the relationship is vulnerable. Hone-able technically not a word, but being able to hone ourselves and our skills is essential. A closed mind is never open to opportunities. Humble. That word is worth its weight in gold in a society where everyone is looking for their fifteen minutes of fame. Knowing that you do not know it all will allow you to learn more and be open to more.
I challenge you to use these four words this weekend. Ask yourself if you are living up to them in every area of your life. Where you are not, ask yourself how you can improve. Try this for the next 48 hours. Then what? Come up with your own four words. What core values would you like to represent? If you are having a hard time coming up with some, just ask yourself how you would like others to view you. When your name comes up, what would you like them to say? I would love to hear what you come up with.
Here is a story that was relayed to me that I would love to pass on to all of you. It is a prime example where you can go from being a victim, to being a miracle worker. I warn you that doing this is not easy or for the faint of heart. What I can promise you is that it will bring you boundless joy and help transform the world. Does that sound like I might be reaching for hyperbole? Hear my story and decide for yourself.
My friend was working at a dry cleaners. I am sure on an average day most transactions transpired like the picture above. Both parties smiling and things going smoothly. Maybe a lot of them are people complaining about the price of dry cleaning? I really don’t know as I have worked with the public, but never in a dry cleaning concern. What is certain is that if you work with the public for long enough, you are going to have a tough day. It is just such a day that our story takes place on.
An older customer came in looking to get a suit cleaned. “This is a very important suit. I need it cleaned very carefully and back in a timely fashion.” the woman stated. My friend informed her of the charges and the lady paid. My friend prepared the suit to be sent off to be cleaned. He marked it urgent and placed it ahead of the other garments that were to be sent out for the day. The next day he was expecting to see the suit come back. It did not. As expected the lady came it to retrieve her garment. My friend had to apologize and inform the older lady that it had not returned yet. “It is important I get that suit back on time young man.” she asserted once more. My friend promised her he would look into it.
The following day came, but the suit did not. The lady appeared before my friend and inquired about picking up the suit she had paid to get cleaned. When informed that is was not present, she became incensed. My friend told her he would call the location that cleaned the item himself and he could call her with an answer. “I’ll wait.” she informed him, becoming angrier by the minute. My friend picked up the phone and inquired about the nice suit he had sent to get cleaned. “Umm…that one, yeah we lost it.” the voice on the other end of the receiver told him. He glanced up at the elderly woman who was becoming impatient for an answer. “Can you find it?” he implored. “We will look and call you back.” He hung up. “Well, what did they say?” she pressed. He swallowed hard before giving his answer.
When informed the garment had been lost, he had expected her to be upset. What he did not expect was the rage and expletives that followed. She repeated how important this suit was and how she needed it back right away. Just then the phone rang and it was the warehouse. “Yeah, that suit is gone.” He was told unofficially that sometimes nicer items, such as this suit, had a way of disappearing. Could he really tell this lady who was already so upset that someone might have taken it? The man on the other end of the receiver suggested that my friend offer a coupon for the next time she wanted something cleaned. How that would work if you lost the first item is beyond me, but that answer is easy to give when you are not face to face with the customer.
Seeing how upset the woman was, my friend decided to take a different approach. He recalled a saying he once heard, “Hurt people hurt people.” He went over to the woman and said, “Ma’am, I understand you are upset about your suit being lost, and I don’t blame you. However, is everything alright?” Now, after being cussed out and screamed at, would you consider that customer’s feelings? Most of us would have to honestly answer ‘no’. My friend did and this is where the miracle occurred.
After my friend’s question, the woman broke down in tears. Between her sobbing, she explained the suit had belonged to her only son who had just passed away. His funeral was that weekend and she wanted him buried in his finest suit. Soon, my friend’s eyes were also filled with tears. He asked the lady if he could give her a hug. Suddenly, all of the vicious things, and expletive rants made sense. It wasn’t anger over a lost suit. No, it was the pain over the loss of an only son. After she had left, my friend called the owners of the dry cleaner and explained the situation. The contacted the woman. Although they were never able to find the suit, they gave her money to buy the best suit in town for her son as he was laid to rest.
The point of this story is that my friend took the time and effort to discover what the woman was hurting from. Instead of compounding the woman’s grief, he may have very well showed her, through his compassion, that others really do care. Suffering the loss of her only son was a grief he could not take away, but seeing a young man care so much for a stranger that was cursing him out, may have given her a little feeling of hope.
If we understand that it really is hurt people that hurt people, we can go from victim to being someone’s angel in time of need. Is that easy? No. Not taking someone’s insults personally and still showing enough compassion to inquire about their pain can change the world. Not only for them, but for the world at large. How about you? Are you able to brush off a personal attack and consider that person may just be expressing they are hurting? It doesn’t have to be a stranger. Think of how many times this happens in families, at the workplace or even between loving spouses. Understanding their anger may be coming from a place of pain will allow us to heal in a way we could not if we just feel like a victim.
Recently, Margie set up a coffee date with another couple. She has a knack for picking some good people. In the course of a very inspiring conversation, my new friend and teacher, CJ, said something I think will impact us all. What he said was not only profound, but will add to our lives. It is something we should all wake up to that will positively impact our lives.
We were discussing perspective and how it drives performance. He relayed something he had heard that he uses to help keep his life in proper perspective. Enough with the build up. What was it that CJ said that I think will be so impactful for us all? It was this simple question. “If you would only wake up with only what you were grateful for the night before, how much would you wake up with?” When I heard this, it struck me. How about you? When you think about all of the blessings we have that we do not take the time to stop and be grateful for, how many do they number? I don’t know about you, but they are near countless for me.
Let us look at a few quick examples to help drive the point home. There is, of course, the love of my life, Margie. There are times when we are not seeing eye to eye. We do our best to never go to bed that way, but sometimes it happens. When you and your special someone go to sleep, whether you are getting along or not, do you pause and take a moment to be grateful for them? We are talking about focused gratitude. What if you were to wake up and they were gone forever? How about throughout the course of a day? Margie gives me plenty of reasons to be grateful. Whether that is sending me silly messages about rockets while I am busy at work, or having a delicious home-cooked meal to come home to, there are always reasons to be grateful for. Because they happen so often, I have to be careful not to take them for granted.
The person you love is an easy example. There are others. What about where you live? It could not be in the neighborhood you desire. Your house could need lots of work, or maybe your rent or mortgage eats up most of your paycheck. It is easy to complain about those things, but what if you woke up homeless tomorrow? How about work? That’s a good one. Work is easy to complain about it. I am as guilty as anyone when it comes to that. Waking up early, time away from family, crazy bosses and coworkers. There are a million things to complain about. What if they told you tomorrow you were out of a job? Suddenly, all of those things you were complaining about you would be grateful to have in your life.
Ask yourself this question, “If you were to wake up with only the things you were grateful for the night before, what would you wake up with?” I think that is a powerful question that can not only change our perspective, but help us live a life filled with more gratitude and a lot less lack. I know that I am going to put this question to use in my life. How about you? Once again, shout out to CJ and Faith for a great time over coffee.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 