This gent is Jocko Willink. One of the people I listen to for strategy and tools for improving myself. As a former Navy Seal, he has learned some valuable lessons. His book, Discipline Equals Freedom, is a must read for anyone looking to take charge of their life. He also has some very helpful YouTube videos I would recommend checking out. It was in one of these very videos that I got the idea for today’s post. In the video, Jocko discusses people’s need for constant motivation. Personally, I surround myself with as many motivating tools as I can. From pictures to playlists, I do my best to always have something motivating at arm’s length. It is so easy to slip, that I think we could always use a helping hand.
The point of his video was that he did not like what the words ‘self-improvement’, ‘self-help’ and ‘motivation’ have come to mean. In today’s world, rather than spend time working on themselves, people spend that time looking for a hack, or quick fix that requires very little effort. The time they spent looking for this hack, could have been spent in diligent effort on long-lasting improvement. When he came to the word ‘motivation’ that’s when something clicked. He mentioned that people think this means having someone acting as a cheerleader or standing behind them yelling at them to push forward. That is not at all what it means.
If you take the word ‘motivation’ apart, it means to find, or have, a motive. In other words, knowing your ‘why’. I heard a saying once that the difference between a warrior and a soldier is that a soldier fights because he hates who is front of him, but a warrior fights because he loves who is behind him. When you are reminded why you started your goal in the first place, and what you have to lose if you fail to achieve it, that is the best motivation.When you are working out, if you think of how important it is to be healthy to be around for those you love and who depend on you, it will be a lot easier to do that extra rep.
In addition to that playlist you have in your phone, on top of that speech you listen to in order to get fired up, remember to discover your motive. This will keep you going when all else fails.
Have you ever been in a situation where you seem like you just can’t take any more? We all have. You are hoping for that miracle. It could be to land that job, to win the affection of that certain someone. It might be you are wishing for a miracle healing for yourself, or a loved one. Then, the job goes to someone else. The person you like ends up having feelings for the other gender. The doctor report comes back with more bad news. It can leave you with a feeling of hopelessness. You may find yourself asking questions like, “Why me?” You have been an upstanding individual. You have been treating everyone with kindness. Why is life so difficult for you. In some cases, you may even look at the good fortune of those who you feel may not be as enlightened as yourself and wonder how fair the universe is really being.
Sometimes we are delivered from the fires of life. That is easy to recognize as a miracle. When things go how we want them to, and when we want them to, it is indeed a miracle. If things always happened this way, we would have a life of ease. This may sound like quite the miracle, but it would make us one weak person. When we feel like instead of being delivered from the fire, we are being thrown in it, we might just being fireproofed. It is rarely fun, but resistance builds strength. This is as true in life as it is in the gym. When we go through the fires of life, we are being forged into a stronger and more resilient version of ourselves.
In life, we all want the quick miracle, the quick fix. We want the job. We want the love and the healing. When we don’t get it, we cease to believe in miracles. Worse yet, many of us begin to view the world as a cruel place. This can be very dangerous. Albert Einstein, one of the smartest people to exist, was asked what the most important question to ask was. His answer? “Is the Universe a friendly place?” The reason this is so important is because it will dictate our attitude and actions towards living our life. Shakespeare, a rather brilliant writer, also weighed in on the subject saying, “There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” In other words, it is more about how we look at the situation than the fact themselves that determine if it is good or bad.
Just a quick reminder that even on the weekend, we must be aware of how we are thinking and the attitude we are bringing to life. It can be all too easy to slip into negative habits. Make sure to keep your mind and body sharp, even on the weekend.
The secret to happiness? That is a bold statement. Especially considering that happiness is different for everyone. Yet, there is a universal way to bring happiness into your life no matter who you are, or what makes you happy. Even better than that, the more you do this, the more happiness it will bring in your life! Is it swimming with pigs in the ocean like in the picture above? I recently did that on my trip to the Bahamas. It was fun, but not necessarily everyone’s secret to happiness. It is a clue as to what that secret is though.
I mentioned that I swam with pigs in the Bahamas. It happened on a trip that I took my beautiful lady on for her birthday. She had mentioned really wanting to go there, and I wanted to make her dream come true. She also thought swimming with the pigs sounded fun, so I had to find a way to add that as well. As you can see in her amazing smile, she was very happy. That, my friends, is the secret to happiness. Taking your lady on a trip to swim with the pigs in the Bahamas? Not exactly, but yes.
Bringing joy to the lives of others, especially those you really care about, is the secret to happiness. I am going to tell you why. From a scientific standpoint, studies show doing kind things for others activates the reward centers in our brain. Doing this takes our mind off of our own worries. Knowing that you brought joy to another can, and should, give you a feeling of accomplishment. That is a goal worth aspiring to and accomplishing. In today’s world, being a giver of joy is priceless. Others value someone who can give them a feeling of positivity.
You can certainly walk around doing random act of kindness and that will add joy. Do you want to do this more effectively and see quicker and more intense results? Then you need one additional skill – active listening. To listen actively means that you listen for a purpose. Like to find what would bring the biggest smile to someone’s face. In the case of my lovely Margie, that was hearing her express her desire to go to the Bahamas, and to swim with pigs. It doesn’t have to be something so grand. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be something they enjoy. This works really well if you have someone who complains a good deal. Let me explain.
When you are actively listening to discover what you can do to bring joy to someone’s life, there are two things to pay attention to. First, is rather obvious. Look for what they say they want/like. This could be wanting to try a certain restaurant or what flowers are their favorite. On the flip side, you can also listen for what they don’t like. When you hear these things, you can work on finding ways to help eliminate them. If you combine them, you have two powerful ways to bring joy to anyone. As a bonus, they will not only feel joy from the activity, but feel significant and valued because you listened to what was important to them.
I told you in the beginning of this post that the more you do this, the more happiness will fill your life. Here is why. Think what will happen the more you bring joy to someone’s life. How do you think they will view and treat you? When they see you, they will automatically feel joy just from your presence. They will want to return the favor as well. Nobody wants to feel like a taker. They will want to return that feeling of joy you give them. The more you do this for each other, the more it happens in return. Now imagine if you did this with as many people in your life as you could. This could include coworkers, retail people you encounter, store clerks, family, friends and even complete strangers. Not only will you be so busy trying to discover joy that you will have less time to focus on your worries, but you will have countless people focused on bringing you joy as well. Can you see how this could grow? The more we put out, the more we will get in return. It is like planting seeds of joy in others, allows us to harvest the joy in our own lives as well. Start planting as many seeds as you can, in as many gardens as you can, today!
Here is an important idea to remember. Things will be okay. This can be hard to accept or believe when we are facing difficult times. There are a million challenges that come to mind that can really try our resolve. Can you think of ones in your past that fit this description? For me, there are several that come to mind. My open-heart surgery and following trip to the hospital. People we care deeply for passing away. Car accidents, job losses. We have all had our share of very serious challenges, have we not?
Here is something to consider, you are reading this. Whatever challenge tried, and may have succeeded, in knocking you down, you are still here. Your record for facing challenges and to keep moving forward is 100%. We all have scars, we may have some pain, be it physical or emotional, that we carry with us, but we are here. That pain, and those challenges, often allow us to better relate to and comfort others going through something similar. It can give us a good story to share with and help inspire others. It can give us motivation that we have overcome a challenge. Eventually, and it may take a good amount of time, everything will be okay. Know that. Trust in that.
As I write this, it is my first day back from vacation. By the time you read this, it will be my first day back at work after vacation. If you would like to say a small prayer for me, that certainly would be fine. In all seriousness, there is always some interesting adjustments when you return. The idea you will not wake up to a nice space cleaned by someone else, that is disheartening. The fact nobody has cut up a buffet of fruit for you to choose from, or put out a wide selection of food to enjoy and you actually have to cook yourself, that is a little disappointing.
The real challenge, and the one that jumpstarted my writing career, is how to maintain that vacation mentality once you have returned to the working world. One of the reasons that this became my life mission, that is to discover how we can live a life that feels like a vacation, is due to a song lyric by the band Kiss. It is from the song Lick it Up. The lyric reads like this – “Don’t need to wait for an invitation/ you have to live like you’re on vacation.” It made me ponder how that was possible. How does one live like they are on vacation? After all, we all have jobs we have to go to in order to keep the lights on and a roof over our heads.
One of the ways we can move closer to this, is to establish what is different from a mentality standpoint between the two situations. Personally, one of the biggest is the lack of concern over responsibilities. You are not focused on paying the bills, cleaning the house or any other requirement you might have in your life. The other is the constant enjoyment over all of the food, drink, and people around you. It is the soaking in of the atmosphere. The ocean breeze, the sun, the palm trees, the scent of coconut from the sunscreen and the cocktails. Hard to have all of this when you are sitting in a cubicle, under florescent lights, smelling Bob in the cubicle next to you. Well, I am going to provide two little tricks I use that help me live my life like a vacation, no matter how Bob smells that day.
The first is something we talk about over and over on this site – gratitude. How can gratitude make you feel like you are living a vacation? Have you ever noticed how people who undergo a near death experience seem to enjoy life so much more? It is as if they got a peak at how precious and priceless life is that the rest of us take for granted. I certainly don’t advise putting yourself in a situation to have a near death experience. What I can tell you is to really appreciate what you have. Seeing people facing intense health challenges, or extreme financial challenges, can make us appreciate the fact we just have a cold or that we might be behind on one bill, verses something that could be so much worse. There are quite a few places in the world where war and political corruption have made the thought of just ‘having’ to wake up and go to work, a dream for many. If that seems like a stretch, to be grateful for things you dread, combine it with our second tool for living a life of vacation.
This tip can be a little bit of work, but it is fun work. Think of what comprises your ultimate vacation, and how you can get a little bit of that at home. Using the above example of a beach vacation, how can you create your own right at home? I live in Wisconsin where it is normally cold and gloomy. Therefore, I have a few little tools that help me go on a mini mental vacation. I have a ‘happy lamp’. It mimics sunlight and helps you feel uplifted. I have coconut essential oils that can be put in a diffuser, put in a bath or used in many other ways. I have tracks of ocean waves that I can close my eyes and listen to. I have tropical music channel I listen to. This engages many of the senses. Margie also makes a delicious jerk chicken! Create the atmosphere that feels like vacation.
Here is a little bonus item you can use as well. Start a vacation fund. Even if you can only deposit 5 dollars a week into it. Watch it build and know that you are getting ever closer. Investigate what places interest you. Maybe get brochures, or look at their website. You could buy a new swimsuit while you are waiting, or get your passport. Whatever little things will help the dream feel closer.
When you live a life that feels like a vacation, you help others do the same. Yes, we all might have to go to a job that doesn’t speak to our soul, but we can still have a life that makes our soul sing! Be grateful, surround yourself with the idea of vacation and give yourself something to look forward to by starting to save. You deserve a life that feels like a vacation. It is not as difficult as you may think.
This is my friend Kurtis Perkins. Not only is he an amazing friend and great DJ, but he is an amazing author as well. This is his book. It is filled with his life stories and lessons he has learned along the way.
Yesterday was his birthday, and I can think of no better gift than to order a copy of his book! I’ll place a link at the end of this post. As an author, I can tell you there is no greater gift than your work being appreciated. Order Kurt’s book today. It will be a great gift for him, and a great gift for you! You will learn lots of lessons you can apply to your own life.
Today, we are leaving the Bahamas and this beautiful viewbehind. We did our best to remain present and soak in all of the memories, along with an amount of salt water. We also took a lot of pictures to capture what we did. It helps jog the great memories we created.
On this trip we swam with pigs in the ocean, took a crazy adventure trip, drank out of a coconut, and visited several beaches. In this way we will take all of this with us. We made friends with many people, and hopefully left a little of us in their hearts as well. To me, after years of practicing, this is how you do a vacation.
Saying goodbye to the delicious food, amazing sunsets, and fun people does not mean we won’t take them with us in our hearts. This is not only a good way to keep one well of our life alive, but every day. Take lots of pictures, but also take it in. Get to know people just beyond their names. Immerse yourself in the moment. We are thankful for the staff at the Warwick Paradise Island resort, as well as all of the places we visited. All the friends we made and people we met. Our spirits are recharged, and we will be ready to give more to our corner of the world when we return.
If we stop and think about it, aren’t some of the best moments in our lives the little ones done with the people dearest to us? Often, we have no idea they will turn out this way. We had out just for coffee, or a day of shopping, and end up with memories that carry us through a lifetime.
Today, I encourage you to keep doing the little things. You may not even realize how much they mean to those you care about. I would love to hear about a little moment that had a big impact on you.
I’m writing to you from the Bahamas. Warwick Paradise Island to be exact. Margie and I have had a great time here so far.Hats off to Benjamin Davis and his crew. The food has been great, the staff friendly. We have had some amazing adventures as well. Getting here… that was a different story.
We were scheduled to fly American Airlines out of Milwaukee. We arrived at the airport at 3:30 am, thanks to my mother. We boarded our plane at 5:30am, excited to be in the tropics. After 2 hours of sitting still on a plane, they told everyone to get off as the plane was broken. They told us we were being ‘automatically rebooked’. I checked their app to discover they had no more flights until the next day.
Lucky for us, I got a call saying they could put us on Jetblue Airlines and we could still make it to the Bahamas, only a few hours later. We ended up with a layover in New York. We were told we should go to gate 7in New York. We did aswe were told. We waited and waited..I ventured a walk to the scheduleboard. Our flight had been moved to gate 10 and was boarding in 5 minutes. We ran through JFK Airport, which is no small task. Got the last 2 seats available. When we arrived in the Bahamas, we discovered only 3 of the 4 wheels on my suitcase did. We arrived at our hotel at 8pm, a mere 6 hours after we were scheduled to.
You may think this sounds hellish, and perhaps in some ways it was. Here is the funny thing. We arrived at our resort happy and ready to get our vacation started. Why? We had made the best of our challenges. We got pizza and a cheese steak in New York, because you just have to. We focused on being grateful we made it to the Bahamas.
This is proof it is more important who you travel with rather than where you travel to. It is also important you focus on the positive and make the best of your situation. It not only makes your vacation better, but helps create better memories.
This is a great life lesson you can start practicing today. Although I’m going to do my best to convince Margie that I need more trips to the Bahamas to practice. In reality, there are always opportunities to practice, and strengthen, your ability to make the best of, and rise above, your challenges.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 