Tag: self-improvement

READ THIS BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE! 🫨

Every day it seems we are bombarded with messages to create a sense of urgency on our behalf. “Buy this before you will miss out on this epic sale!” “Pay you tax bill before you go to jail!” “See the doctor about your condition before you fall over dead.” Obviously, some of these are good advice to follow. Generally, waiting to deal with a problem seldom makes it better. It is good to tackle that debt before it gets out of control. It is better to see the doctor at the first sign of trouble. As far as buying that exciting new sports car before the summer sale is over? That might be pushing it.

Many of these advertising giants employ two tactics to create this urgency. One is fear of what might happen if you do not address it. This works very well in our tax and doctor example. The other is fear of missing out, or FOMO as it is known. What will you miss if you do not act now? Will it be saving large amounts of money for a car to impress the neighbors? We sure can be moved to action by those who would like us to buy their products.

Here is the crazy thing, we are missing the sense of urgency we should have. That is to make the most of life. I realize that this may sound like some cliche put forth by a self-improvement guru, but hear me out. Every day, sometimes multiple times a day, we lose opportunities. People pass away. Jobs are lost. We get a terrible diagnosis. The sands of the hourglass do not stop. Not for us, not for those we love. To some, this may sound like I am dwelling on a morbid subject. View it how you will, but it still remains true. The days, and the chance to make the most of them, are slipping away by the second. This becomes more clear when you go through a near-death experience or as you grow older. Being a member of both of those clubs, let me assure you that I see this fact very clear.

You might think this has little to do with you because you are still young. Not so. Yes, the more years you put behind you, the more likely you are to meet an untimely demise, but youth is not a promise to life. In today’s world we can see this more and more. War, famine, political unrest and social violence has all but come the norm. Not to mention the lives of others in your life. You do not know what their situations are. Your time with your children is growing shorter parents. Children, you will only have your parents so long. Best friends are only rented, even if they last a lifetime. We are never promised tomorrow, but we can make the most of today. That is the urgency we are trying to convey here today. Tomorrow is not promised for any of us. Say “I love you” one more time. Forgive and move on, not for their benefit, but so you can reclaim the peace in your heart you so richly deserve.

Look at the sands in the hourglass. They fall second by second. The amount on top forever getting smaller. We do not know how much is left on the top of hourglass. What I can promise you is that it is less then it was when you began reading this post.

WHEN LUCK HAPPENS 🍀

This week, create your own luck. “Sounds great Neil, but how do I do that?” you might be wondering. In a word – prepare! It amazes me when people tell me how lucky I am. “You are lucky to have so many people follow your blog.” They say. What they do not see is the time and effort put in on top of working 56 hours a week at my day job and working as a DJ on the weekends. “You are so lucky you do not get sick more often.” Those who say this do not talk about eating healthy, working out or making sure to take my vitamins. My favorite is when people tell me how lucky Margie and I are that we have a great relationship. Am I fortunate and blessed to have such a beautiful and loving lady in my life? Absolutely! Do all of our days and plans go smoothly? Not hardly. We both get sick, tired and on each other’s last nerve on occasion. We have breakdowns in our communication. We also work our butts off to address these things. There are always threats looking for that chink in the armor of love. It could be jealous people. It could be people who are spiteful. Even when we do figure things out, there is the threat of taking things for granted or falling victim to familiarity. That is why we are constantly working to keep things fun, fresh and spicy.

Do you want to create more luck in your life? All you have to do is work harder. Do you want to be ‘lucky’ enough to write and publish 3 books? It will cost you many sleepless nights, lots of frustration and plenty of hard work. Do you want to be ‘lucky’ not to get the sickness that seems to be going around the office? You will have to work on staying in shape, watching your diet and perhaps taking a little extra vitamin C. Do you want to be ‘lucky’ in love? Let me tell you up front, you will have to work at it. Learn the art of active listening. Learn to apologize when you are wrong. Learn how to express your emotions properly and with thought for the other person’s feelings. Even before you get into a relationship, you can increase your chances of being ‘lucky’ when you find the one if you spend time working on yourself. The better version of yourself you bring to a relationship, the greater the chances are it will be ‘lucky’.

The formula may seem obvious, but it cannot be overstated. Like Thomas Jefferson said, the harder you work, the more luck you will have. What is important in your life? What area do you feel you would like to experience more ‘luck’ in? Whatever that area is, start to increase the amount of effort you put into it. You will find the amount of luck that seems to find you will only increase.

THAT WAS A LIFETIME AGO! 🫨

The title of this post, “That was a lifetime ago.” is a phrase that my mother and I utter to each other more often as the years go by. As we walk, or sometimes sit for coffee, we recall places we used to go and people we used to know. Quite often both of us feel like it was an entirely different lifetime. Have you ever felt this way? That activities that you used to engage in, or perhaps the people you used to engage in them with have disappeared from your life. In the rapid pace of change that the world now faces, entire industries can be gone and replaced by something else seemingly overnight. As we get older, the pace of change seems to quicken. Not sure why that is. Perhaps it is because we are more aware of the fleeting nature of life? It could be that we have experienced more and the more knowledge we accumulate, the more things seem to change.

Above is a spot in a local coffee shop. The table on the left is where a good portion of my first two books, and even a bit of my third, were written. This particular location is moving. Not that big of a deal. Still, the sentimental part of me had to take in this place one last time. I have had so many memories there. Margie, my mother and I stopped for one last coffee. Margie actually had an iced cherry chai. We reflected on many of the fun times we shared there and looked around at everything that was packed in to boxes ready to go.

The staff at this location have become friends of ours. Sam, who discussed how to make a cream sauce with Margie, is always amazing. Dakota has returned after moving abroad. Even the lady we just meant, Jen, was very kind and helpful. We are hopeful that they all we be at the new location. One nice thing is that we were able to have a heads up that this place would be closing. That way we could plan one more day there. As we all know, this is not always the case. People and places can leave our lives without warning. We are left with either regret or a longing for one more time. One way in which you can not only decrease the feelings of regret and loss, but enjoy the present more is to become more present. I mentioned we were given warning that this location was closing, but what if we had not? Had we always focused on being present and fully appreciating the amazing staff, decor and overall ambience of the place, we would be bummed they were leaving, but satisfied we made the most of our time there.

As true as this is of coffee shops, restaurants and other such places, it is even more true of people. When someone leaves our life, for whatever reason, it is not some grand thing we wish we could do with them. It is the mundane. Sharing one more laugh, one more cup of coffee. Maybe even hearing that story they told us a million times just one more time. It is with a great deal of irony that the things that annoy us can be the things we miss most about someone when they are gone.

This is why it is so vital we live in the present moment. Why we learn to appreciate every detail of the life we live. It is not some cliche self-improvement hack. It is a way of living. The Latin phrase, Mors certa, hora incerta, meaning “Death is certain, the hour uncertain.” reminds us that the end of anything could be right around the corner. The time to enjoy life, and all of the people and coffee shops in it, is now. Soak it all in. If you treat each day as the last you might do something, one day you will be right and you will be glad you did.

STOP BEING LAZY! 🦥

One thing that drives me slightly more crazy than I already am is the laziness in which we communicate these days. It is easier to understand how that can be helpful is texting or messaging someone. What is sad is when it starts to filter into real life conversation. Looking at the examples above can be helpful. Think of someone saying them to you. Can you imagine the difference in how they would make you feel?

Would you agree that to a great extent, the quality of our life is the quality of our relationships? Get in a fight with your spouse in the morning and how does your workday go? Have an argument with a coworker and what kind of mood do you come home in? The cause of most discord in relationships is communication. Either a lack of it, or the method in which it is delivered. Even if you are looking to take your relationship to the next level, mastering your communication is the key. Telling your spouse they “Look good” is nice. Saying something like, “The effort you put into that outfit really highlights your already attractive features.” creates a completely different feeling.

If you do not know how to communicate with skill, there are a million resources to help you in that area. Books on how to communicate. Reading poetry that makes you feel a certain way and thinking of how to work it into your speaking. Even reading greeting cards can help. Think about it. You pay $7 or more to deliver a folded piece of paper with often only a line or two. To get you to spend that kind of money those words have to be impactful. Want to be more romantic? Watch romantic movies, read romantic books and do so with the intent to learn. Want to learn how to genuine compliment someone? How about a boss or client?

Do you think this is not so important? Remember, people may forget what you say to them, but they will never forget how you make them feel. People are driven by emotion and they back up that emotion using logic. That is why your words must illicit a powerful emotional response. More to the point, a positive one. People give their attention, their time and their business and money to those who can make them feel important, valued and happy. You can do that by not sounding like a teenager sending a text. Do not be lazy with your communication. Learning how to properly communicate and convey your emotions will transform your life.

HIDDEN MEDICINE 💊

I have been writing this post for a week now. That is to say I had the title and idea for a week, but I wanted to wait until I had the time to really sit down and share this with you. What do we mean by hidden medicine? The idea came to me while listening to a song with that very title by the band Red Thunder. If you get a chance, look it up on YouTube. What is the ‘hidden medicine’ and where to we find it? We find it inside ourselves. What is the hidden medicine we all have inside of us? It is many different things. We will touch on a few of them today. If I have left off your favorite one, please feel free to let me know in the comments below.

Inside each one of us, there is a vast storehouse of potential that goes unused. That is because it is never explained or taught to us. Schools are more about teaching us what to remember than how to use what is inside of us. Our parents and teachers were most likely never told about this great power either. By the end of this post, you will know what your hidden medicine is and how to use it. Some of this medicine helps heal you physically, some mentally, some emotionally and some spiritually. A lot of it will help in all areas. Let us get started with our hidden medicine and begin healing ourselves.

Our first hidden medicine is gratitude. If you have even followed this site for a short time, you know how much we promote gratitude. This is not by accident or because it is trendy. No, gratitude has a great deal of power. As you can see in the picture above, it can heal a lot of things in your life. If you were to do only one thing to improve your life, I would suggest developing an attitude of gratitude. Suffering from fear or anxiety? Gratitude can help you heal that. If you are feeling full of lack, if the outlook of your life looks grim or you feel that the world is out to get you, gratitude can help heal that. You will start to see magic in everyday life. You will realize what truly matters and how lucky you are no matter how contrary those statements may sound at the moment.

The next hidden medicine is helping others or altruism. There is nothing that will make you forget your problems, or help you feel a warm fuzzy feeling in your heart quicker than helping someone else. If you feel that your problems feel overwhelming, reach out to help someone else. Not only will you feel good for doing something good and making the world a brighter place for that individual, but your own problems might seem a little easier to tackle after that. Helping others can make us realize how important and valuable we are. It can help us to realize what a difference one person can make and remind us that person is us!

To avoid making this too long and losing any of you, we are going to lump some of the last hidden medicines together. We will put them under the umbrella of ‘self-care’. Is self-care really a hidden medicine? You bet it is! This can mean so many different things for each of us. Some of us like being in the garden and working with plants. Some like going for walks in nature. It could be meditation, coffee with a friend, a good workout or a glass a wine and a good book.

Here is the medicinal quality of all of these items. They will affect our emotional state. They will infuse our spirit with hope, joy and lots of other positive emotions. They will force us to live in and learn to love the moment. This will help reduce stress and all of the not so pleasant side-effects that comes with. Being happier, healthier and less stress can also help heal our relationships with others. Why is that important? The worst emotion to feel at a funeral is not loss, it is regret. Knowing you should have said or done something differently. Knowing you could have acted better. What would be worse is if the funeral was your own and you wasted a good portion of your life sick, stressed and overwhelmed. Use your hidden medicines today before it is too late. Again, if you would like to add more please share in the comments below.

SEPARATE YOURSELF 👋

This quote could not be more accurate for the world today. Unlike any other time in history, there are so many distractions to keep us from focusing on our goals. As a writer I can tell you that this is true quite often. Usually, most of my writing is done in coffee shops. Today is a rare time in which I am writing from home. I do that for the simple reason that there are less distractions at the coffee shop. At home I look up and see household chores I am supposed to be doing. Maybe my beautiful lady walks by and I pause and appreciate how lucky I am. None of that exists at the coffee shop.

That is not to say that there are no distractions. I use my phone to do research on topics I am writing about on my laptop. As I am looking up something about how the subconscious mind works, I see that the Dalai Lama sent me a friend request. (This didn’t really happen, but would be cool) Suddenly I am scrolling through social media for several minutes. Then a man in a strange hat comes into the coffee shop and I pause to notice him. I glance to the parking lot to make sure some over-caffeinated soul does not back into my car. There are a million things that can take your attention away from your goal.

The secret is knowing this ahead of time and taking actions to block out the distractions. That could be plugging in your phone in the other room while you clean. It should be not texting while you are driving. You no doubt have your own examples. We need to see distractions for what they are – the enemy. We must take action like we would for any other enemy. We must be merciless. I can hear some of you saying, “But Neil, I need to take a break.” Well, how bad do you want the goal you are working towards? Understand the more you give into your distractions, the further away from your goal you are getting.

Make your goal a priority. My fourth book has been coming out for a while now. I must sit down and complete writing it. There are social events I will have to say ‘no’ to. Sleep might be a little less. Of course that will also be no time to see what uncle Fred has posted to his Facebook page. I would love to know what are some of the distractions that get to you the most and what ways have you found to help you stay focused. The more we share with each other, the more ideas we can have and the closer we will all be to living an amazing life.

FLOW AROUND THE ROCKS 🪨

How many of us see obstacles in our life and right away have the urge to fight them? If there is a chance to adapt and work around them it would save us a great deal of energy that could be spent focused on success. What a waste of time and energy it is to argue. Even if you manage to ‘win’ the argument, chances are you will have ‘lost’ the relationship. If the person agrees to go along with your ideas, it is never with an excited passion. It is better to state the solution you are aiming towards, and try to come up with a joint solution.

Next time you encounter resistance while working towards a goal, remember to stay focused on the solution and not the problem. Go around the rocks if you can.

THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE I KNOW ☺️

Many people find themselves in a state of unhappiness. There is a way to turn that around. That is to begin to work on becoming the best version of yourself. It begins with an honest evaluation of where you are now. This can be a bit deflating, but in order to know where you want to go, it is necessary to know where you are. Think of looking at a map. If you were to look at your destination, but have no idea where you are, how would you know in which direction you should go. It is the same with the journey of your life.

I once heard Tony Robbins say, “Progress equals happiness.” Earl Nightingale’s definition of success is, “A progressive realization of a worthy ideal.” Both of these bring up a good point. It is not the accomplishment of goals, or reaching a certain point that brings us the greatest deal of happiness. Although those certainly should be celebrated. If you notice in both quotes, the word ‘progress’ is featured. Think of trying to get in shape. It certainly is a great feeling to look in the mirror and find yourself at the level of fitness you desire. Do you know what is an even more exciting feeling? When you realize you have to by a size smaller in clothing because the size you have been wearing for the last couple of years is now too large. You know you are on your way!

One of the greatest thieves of joy is comparison. It can even upend progress. Have you ever had this experience? You are feeling good about the progress you have made towards some goal. Smile on your face, joy in your heart. Then you run into a friend who has made greater progress towards the same goal, maybe even in a shorter amount of time. Suddenly, your happiness is crushed. You go from feeling like a conqueror to a failure. It is worse if you are just about to start your journey of self-improvement. You pop on social media and see pictures of people who you went to school with that have not only already accomplished the goals you are striving for, but have surpassed them.

The phrase that comes to mind in all of these examples is “Who cares!” That is them. We never know anyone’s complete story. Maybe they post pictures of their career success but fail to mention the happy home life it cost them. Maybe they appear to be madly in love, but are fighting addiction. Another important point is that each journey is unique to the individual. I am more impressed with someone who has managed to reach a state of inner peace after fighting the demons of depression than someone who has reached inner peace after inheriting a fortune from their family. That is why it is so important to be focused on improving ourselves and the challenges we have overcome.

Here is a bonus way of making this more fun and enjoyable. Look for the small accomplishments of your friends, family and even your coworkers. Celebrate them as if they were your own. You never know what it took for them to overcome that. The more you help others celebrate their wins, the more joy and peace will come to your heart. Not to mention, the more likely they are to celebrate your wins as well. Remember, there is enough room for all of us to win!

WATER YOURSELF 💧

Think of what it takes for a plant to grow. To be honest, I am not 100% sure on this one as plants struggle to grow in my company. What is true is that they need to be watered. Without watering a plant, it will no longer continue to grow. Then again, if you water it too much, it will also not grow. People are much the same way. It is often ironic how so many things in nature are alike.

What does watering yourself look like? That can take many forms. One of the ways is to make sure you get what you need to grow. The first thought to jump to mind is things like enough rest, proper nutrition and exercise. That is one part of watering yourself. That would be proper self-care. Much like how different plants needs different amounts of water, different people need different kinds and amounts of self-care to grow. What is certain is that we all need some.

Another type of ‘watering’ that we need is the two ‘i’s. That is information and inspiration. They will help both our mind and our spirit to grow. If you are not watering your mind and spirit, you may think you are just staying the same. Imagine what would happen to a healthy plant if you did not water it. It would slowly wilt and die. The same is true of our spirit and mind. We need to learn, we need to be inspired. This could be watching a video on YouTube. It could be listening to a podcast. (Feel free to checkout both my YouTube channel and podcast) When it comes to watering your spirit, that is important too. This could be attending services of your faith, or reading something inspirational. It could be as simple as a conversation with an inspiring friend or a walk in nature. Much like our minds, if your spirit is not watered, it slowly wilts and dies.

We all know what being uninspired and not growing feels like. Nothing seems to move the needle of excitement. Fatigue is our constant companion. The world seems dull and lifeless. That does not mean our life sucks, it just means we need to be watered. Much like a plant that is starting to wilt, when watered, can perk right up again. What we need is a does of watering for our minds and spirits.

Spend a few moments today thinking of ways in which you can water both your mind and spirit. How to help yourself grow. This could be learning about something that interests us. It could be going for that walk in nature. If we are feeling overwhelmed, we could be overwatering ourselves! That might mean focusing a little more on self-care. Spend a little more time in meditation or quiet reflection. Make sure to write down ways in which you can water yourself. When you need it most, it can be impossible to think of.

DO NOT LET THE NAME CONFUSE YOU 🫤

Many people shy away from the world of ‘self-improvement’ because it sounds like something is wrong with them. Let us not get started on the term ‘self-help’. That sounds like you are in a bad way and needing some help. The truth is far subtler. We could always improve ourselves, and thus, our lot in life. We all could use a little help. This is true when we are striving to learn something new, or unlearn something we have been doing for years. Both ‘improvement’ and ‘help’ are not a sign of weakness. They are signs you are seeking to become a better version of yourself.

Do not let the terms trip you up. Even if you love your vehicle, wouldn’t it be great to get better gas mileage? There is nothing wrong with you; improve anyway. This would be a great mantra to have in your head. If you are always working to be your best and do your best that is great. As we go through life, we learn and experience more. That means our best is a moving target. As we improve, so does the best of what we can be. That means there is never a finish line. That should not make you feel defeated, but excited. There are always opportunities to be healthier, happier and more loving. Keep striving to improve yourself. By doing so you will continue to improve your life.