Tag: self-improvement

USE THE DEMONS TO BUILD THE TEMPLE ðŸ›•

In both the Testament of Solomon and the Talmud, it was said that King Solomon enslaved demons and forced them to build the temple. As most of you know, this blog is not about religion or what you believe. This story can be interpreted in a way that I feel can help us lead a far more disciplined and productive life. What can a king from over 2000 years ago help us discover secrets to an amazing life? More importantly, what can enslaving demons to build a temple teach us about creating a successful life today? Plenty. It is all in how we look at this story.

Let us take a look at what temple you are building. Certainly, there are many different kinds of temples. If everyone in the world built a temple, would that not require a great deal of real estate? Even if just everyone reading this blog built a temple, I fear it would cost some wonderful four-legged friends we share the planet with their homes. Lucky for us, the temple does not have to be a building. Unless of course that is the thing you actually do. In the modern world, your temple can be anything you are building to honor the life you have been given. It can be a fit body, like the couple above. It can be an amazing cake like my lovely lady creates. It can be a clean house, a healthy relationship, or even writing a fourth book like I am endeavoring to do. What you are working on is your temple.

You might find yourself at this point asking, “Can I really summon a demon to help me make it to the gym?” The answer is both yes and no. For those of you that are frightened by this whole prospect, let me assure you that we are not talking about engaging in diabolical behavior and summoning some demonic creature with wings and a tail. In some ways these demons are a lot closer, and to me, a lot scarier. The demons are the parts of us working to sabotage our success. It is what some people refer to as the “Dark side of humanity.” There are some who say it is best to bury and pretend our dark side does not exist. Not only is this a fool’s errand, but if you do not get control of your dark side, your personal demons if you will, they will get control of you at the worst times. Let us take a look at what I mean by this.

Who are these demons? They are the dark parts of us that often hold us back in life. It could be the demon of anger that causes us to say hurtful things to our spouse in the heat of an argument. It could be the demon of distraction that keeps us from focusing on our goals. Did I mention that I am still working on my fourth book? As you can see, fighting these demons is a daily job. It is not simply ‘resisting’ them. It is acknowledging them and then using that energy they take for constructive purpose. If you get angry during a heated disagreement, say to your demon of anger, “I see you tempting me to tear into this person. I am not going to let you destroy another relationship in my life.” Then use that energy to go for a run, or dive deep into improving the quality of your relationship. How about that all too present demon of distraction? Trust me, this one is everywhere. We even carry it in our pocket everywhere we go. I can’t tell you how tempting it is to practice my chair dancing skills when a good song comes on at the coffee shop I am supposed to be writing at. In this case, I say to that demon of distraction, “I see you there trying to shift my focus.” Perhaps I use that energy to focus on completing 1000 words so I can dance to my hearts content?

I do not know what demons you are currently facing. It could be distraction, laziness, procrastination. There are so many that do there best to keep us from building our temple. Whatever that successful life looks like for us. It is in acknowledging that dark side of us and using the energy it contains to push us one step closer to an amazing life. This is not easy. It is a daily fight and a difficult struggle. The rewards are the amazing life that we deserve. Do not give in to your demons. Use them to build your temple!

WHY YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE

This is one of these messages that can be tough to read and even tougher to experience. Comfort can be a great thing and is the goal of many people. As wonderful as comfort is, it can prevent us from growth and many experiences that will bless our lives and give us the power to help others. Maybe it is the job or relationship that you stay in despite knowing that it is not for you. It isn’t bad, but it is not helping you grow. Your job may be draining your soul, but it is paying your bills. Sometimes the universe knows that you could make a far bigger impact if only you trusted yourself to move on from what is not serving you.

I cannot count the times that this has been true in my own life. Far too often growth only happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing. Growth and increase are often uncomfortable. When we leave certain elements of our past behind to become a better version of ourselves it can be scary, and yes painful. Do you know what is even more painful? Coming to the end of our lives and being filled with the regret of all the growth and change we could have experienced and helped others do the same. We failed to take the actions needed because we would have rather remained comfortable.

I experienced this many times. Starting this blog in 2012. It was uncomfortable to admit how much I did not know about creating on online presence. The following year I became and author by publishing my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People. Writing books can always be a scary and uncomfortable experience. Starting a YouTube channel, a podcast and many of the other things I have done in my life were created by a feeling of being uncomfortable with how my life was. The initial feeling of discomfort was not fun, but it was necessary to facilitate the change needed to improve my life and bring the next iteration of who I was to become.

In your own life do not fear discomfort. Embrace it for the change it may be bringing you. Ask yourself if that discomfort may be pushing you to experience a season of growth and increase that comfort may be preventing you from taking the actions to achieve.

SUCCESS IS STUMBLING

I have been involved in the world of self-improvement for over two decades now. I have seem many people, some with the best of intentions, try in vain to improve their lives. Why, when someone is so enthusiastic about improving their life do they fail to do so? It has to do mainly with their mindset when beginning the journey. Our attitude at the onset of a task has a great deal to do with the outcome. Sometimes more so than the circumstances in which we find ourselves surrounded with. That is why it is so important to get this right. To make preparations for the journey before we begin. You wouldn’t go for a long hike without making sure you brought enough water would you?

What is the proper mindset for self-improvement and what preparations should we be making? I think the quote from Mr. Churchill above gives us a few answers. To begin with, we must understand that improving our life is not a linear journey. There will be peaks and valleys. When some experience a setback, they feel that their journey is not working. The setbacks we experience in life often are some of the best teachers and provide knowledge we cannot gain in any other way. We need to prepare for them. We need to do more than understand from an intellectual standpoint that they are coming. We need to prepare for them emotionally as well. How you do this will depend a great deal on you as an individual.

Some things that work for a great deal of people include, but are not limited to the following. One of the most powerful things you can do is to understand your ‘why’ for improving your life. What happens if you do not improve your life? What happens if you stay the same? This might be a good time to scare yourself a little. Does your family have a history of cancer or heart disease? That might be a good motivation to stay in shape. Then there is the other side of the spectrum. What will happen if you do succeed in your efforts? Will you gain the respect and admiration of your spouse or family? Will you have more energy to play with your children or work on your passion project?

You must also create ways of maintaining your enthusiasm. This can be planning little rewards for yourself when you reached certain points of your self-improvement journey. If you are trying to lose a good amount of weight, make sure to honor yourself along the way or it may feel like you will never get there. It also includes giving yourself a little pain when you mess up. Just make sure to not beat yourself up so bad that you feel like giving up. If you binge on a couple of doughnuts after a month of eating good? Yes, realize you made a mistake, but also realize that maybe you used to do it once a week. Keep your enthusiasm. Keep working towards your goal.

One of the main things you can do to assist in this is to keep your goal in front of you. This can be something as simple as an affirmation on the bathroom mirror or more involved like a vision board. Keep your reason for maintaining your effort in front of you too. It could be a picture of your children, your husband or wife. Whatever the reason that will make you push harder when much of you is telling yourself to give up. Make these preparations, and develop this mindset at the beginning and the journey will be a lot easier.

LEARN TO FAIL PROPERLY

How many times do you have to try something before learning it? Two times? Three times? Thomas Edison failed more than 1000 times before inventing the electric light bulb. Can you imagine sticking with something that long? I am not sure that I would. The point of all of this is that the amount of times that you do not succeed at something in life will always outnumber the times that you do succeed. In other words, you will fail a lot more than you succeed. Knowing this, you would think that failure would be a well-studied subject. On the contrary. Most people do not like to think about failure, much less study it.

If failure is something we are going to experience often in our life, should we not spend some time learning how to do it properly? Many of you might be asking how can you ‘fail properly’? Don’t you just fail or succeed? The average person does, yes. If we are looking to create an amazing life, it involves learning to put everything that occurs in our life to work for us. This includes failure. How can we do that? The first step is changing our mindset around failure. We must see it for what it is – a learning experience. Your muscles do not grow in the gym without encountering resistance. The same is true for you as a person. You only grow when you encounter resistance. In fact, the bigger the resistance, the bigger you must grow to overcome it. Just as the heavier weight in the gym requires more muscle growth. The photo above may seem cliche, but it is 100% true. Failure is a ‘first attempt at learning’. You do not learn much if you succeed at things the first time. It also would lead to a boring life eventually.

The second step to making failure work for us is learning to mine it. Yes, it is time to imagine ourselves as miners and see what we can get out of failure. The obvious may be the lessons and knowledge. If you have ever tried to put out a grease fire with water, you will soon learn, in spectacular fashion, that is the exact opposite thing you should do. It is a failure in the moment, but you will never put water on a grease fire again. You gained that knowledge. How about trusting someone with a secret only to discover they told everyone they know? Failed in that judge of character, but learned they cannot be trusted with confidential information. In addition, if there is something you want to get out, perhaps this was the person to tell. In each case you walked away with more knowledge than you went in with.

Another thing we gain from failure is resilience. If we always succeeded, how tough would we be when faced with a challenge? Not very. Failure teaches us perseverance, patience, and mental and emotional fortitude. These are lessons that you cannot learn with success. Therefore, failure is actually something we can be grateful for. It gives us a kind of strength that success never could. You owe it to yourself to learn how to fail properly. We are all going to do it in life. We should learn to do it in a way that will give us an amazing life!

YOU MADE IT THROUGH!

This is more for my friends in the Northern hemisphere. For someone who is a fan of warm weather and sunshine, but lives in a state with 9 months of winter, this is a glimmer of hope. Although this graphic is about the weather, in many ways in mimics life in general. We have dark periods in our life. Much like the weather, we have little or no control over outside circumstances. What we can do is find ways to change our mindset and find ways in which to find as much light in the darkness as we can. Sometimes that consists in just knowing that the darkness does not last forever.

Another way in which this is like life is that the seasons are cyclical. Every year there is a dark period followed by a period of rebirth and growth. Life is much the same. We have periods of darkness. There are times when nothing seems to be going right. People pass away, jobs are lost and health is compromised. After which, we find a period of light. We find a job that we enjoy more, or perhaps pays better. We gain our health and maybe make some new friends. Knowing that there are cycles to this crazy adventure we call life can help us better appreciate and make it through some of the darker times.

As of right now, those of us in the north have made it through some of the darkest days. There will be some challenges ahead to be sure. The days will continue to grow longer and eventually the temperatures will rise as well. Knowing this helps us make it through the snow and frigid weather. Just like knowing there will be a brighter time in our life can help us make it through the darker times. We have done it before and we will do it again!

NOT AN EXPENSE, AN INVESTMENT.

With seemingly everything becoming more expensive these days, everyone is looking for ways to save a little here and there. Sadly, one of the areas people cut off first is investing in their lives. One great way to improve your life is to change this mindset. View everything as weather it is an expense or an investment. A gym membership can be a great investment. If you go consistently, it will save you on sick time, medicine and stress. It will also add energy and the ability to do more. If, however, you are not going to use it, than it will be nothing more than an expense.

While making these discernments, be careful not to justify expenses as investments. What I mean is that if you are going to buy a new cell phone, even though your current one is working just fine, you could say that it will allow you to work more efficiently from more locations. While that could be true, if you are only could to use it to watch random reels on social media, be honest with yourself. In that case it is an expense. If you buy a great book on how to make better use of your time, but only use it as a paper weight, than it goes from investment to an expense.

As we are all looking to spend wiser and save more, make sure you are doing so wisely. Make sure to continue to invest in yourself. Remember the better you take care of yourself, the more you will be able to do for your friends and family. The best investment you can make is the one you make in yourself.

WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE

With New Year’s resolutions starting to fall off, this post comes at just the right time. No matter how lofty our goals, we will not look like anything like them if our habits and effort do not match them. Think of the person who has the goal of getting in shape every New Year. If they do not match that with consistent effort and hard work, they will pretty much look the same as last year. If your goal is to be in a better place financially, but you have a habit of buying every new phone as soon as it hits the market, you will look more like the person chasing instant gratification than someone concerned about their fiscal well-being.

That is why in my upcoming fourth book we focus on setting up rituals to form a daily structure. This will go a lot further to success than even setting goals. I recommend you do both, but setting up a daily habit you engage in will be key. Even starting with something small will gain you momentum. Once it becomes a mindless part of your daily routine, you will be well on your way to success. At first, understand new habits will be difficult. The brain does not like to change its way of operating. Stick with it as Earl Nightingale used to say. Once your mind adapts to this new habit, you will be on your way to success.

There are ways to help put this on autopilot. Let us say your goal is to start the day with a better attitude and outlook. Placing inspirational quotes on the bathroom mirror, or empowering affirmations to repeat to yourself, would be a good idea. I have a daily inspirational calendar by my coffee maker. I love starting the day with both. It takes me a while to remember to read each page. Especially at 4am when I wake up. Once in the habit though, it is something I now look forward to! How about you? Can you think of some simple habit you can do daily to gain momentum and set yourself up for success?

THE COST OF YOUR DISTRACTIONS

Have you ever thought of the cost of your distractions? What has that harmless scrolling really cost you? What started as a quick ‘5 minute scroll’ ended up having you hooked for hours. How about binging television shows? You think you will watch just one episode and suddenly your day is over. I hear lots of people justifying this behavior as “I just need to relax.” or “Well I have earned it.” Do not get me wrong, I am not one of those hustle until you die kind of people. Still, we must asking what we could have been doing during that time we were giving to our distractions.

Is it more fun to watch Netflix than clean the house? Undoubtedly. When you put off obligations for pleasures, you still have the stress of undone obligations. It is not just household chores that miss getting done. You could be taking actions that would increase the quality of your health, or your career, or your relationship? That one hour you spent watching videos of cats that look like pop tarts could have been invested in turning your hobby into a business that could add a stream of income. Thinking of ideas to increase the love of you and your partner could have a much greater impact on your life than finding out what the Kardashians are doing.

Do not think wasting one hour a day is such a big deal? If you only waste one hour a day, only on the weekdays, that comes out to 260 hours a week. That is a full 6 and a half 40 hour working weeks you could have invested in bettering your life. Instead of focusing on the pleasure of these mindless distractions, ask yourself what they are costing you. Think of the productive things you could have done with that time.

YOUR WORLD CAN BE BETTER!

In today’s crazy world we are always searching for ways in which we can make our life better. This quote contributed to Confucius is one way. As humans, we are rather predisposed to focus on what needs to be ‘fixed’ in both our lives and the world at large. These days that list has grown rather long. Focusing on these things, especially those we have no control over, can leave us feeling overwhelmed at best and downright depressed at worst.

It is important to look at what needs to be fixed. Especially in our own lives. To be constantly fixated on these events will drain our energy and deplete us emotionally. We need to be motivated and healed by noticing all of the good that surrounds us every day. When we focus on what is good, we notice more of what is good. We begin to see that there is reason to have faith in both the world and the human race. This is important to make sure that we do not let the negative element to win control of our mind and the world at large.

Yes, notice what has to be fixed. Then be thankful and recognize that you do not have to fix everything. Stop to reflect on the beauty and kindness that still exists in this world. Do yourself a favor and remember to keep your mind on the good, even while trying to address the things that are troubling you.

BEING GREAT

Today in the United States we celebrate Martin Luther King Jr. day. It is only fitting that we start off with a quote from the man himself. My favorite thing about this quote is that it is a simple, yet effective formula for success. Many people view becoming successful in terms of grand events. Winning the lottery, getting that promotion, losing all the weight they want or whatever they view to be successful. Being great, or successful, is not that complicated.

Take a look at the examples above. Winning the lottery? How about saving or investing the money we would have spent foolishly? Getting that promotion? While we are working to make that happen, we should be doing the best we can at the job we currently have. Putting in a hard days work, whether we are acknowledged for it or not, is being great. How about losing weight? That seems to be on a lot of people’s minds now. It is admirable to be healthy, but understand that even the small things we do will make us great. Saying ‘no’ to the doughnuts in the breakroom is great. Going for a walk after dinner when all we want to do is lay down, that is great.

Doing the ‘small’ things greatly is what prepares us for when the big things arise. If we work to keep our studio apartment in order, guess what will happen when we move into that mansion? If we keep working on passing on the doughnuts, or maybe adding healthy meals to our plate, eventually we will start losing that weight. We are a success long before we reach our goal weight. We are great every time we do not give into temptation. We should celebrate every small step on the way to greatness and make sure we do each one to the best of our ability.